Chapter 5: Pigs and Pepper
As the two brothers wandered around the woods again, they came out of the underbrush and to their surprise, they saw a small castle made entirely out of candy. Yet again, the boys were overcome by curiosity as they walked up to the castle of candy. For a few minutes, they simply stood in front of the gates to the front entrance.
Just then, a large jelly bean carrying a giant envelope that was far too large for him to carry and dressed like a footman dashed passed the boys without even noticing them, walked up to the door and rapped loudly at the gate with his knuckles. The gates were then opened by a gumdrop also dressed in livery, and whom the brothers noticed, wore white powdered wigs on their heads. Curious, the boys crept to the side of the castle, remaining out of sight so they could listen.
"For the baroness," said the jelly bean in a somber tone, handing the letter over to the gumdrop, "an invitation to play some roulette." Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled together, which was quite amusing and nearly had Cuphead outright laughing (fortunately, Mugman covered his mouth before he could).
As the two unusual footmen continued to talk, Cuphead and Mugman quietly tip-toed past them and going up to the entrance gate which was still open. The big gate closed behind them just as it seemed like the jelly bean and the gumdrop were done talking, with the gumdrop turning around to walk back into the castle only to comically slam against the peppermint bars of the gate.
From the other side, Cuphead and Mugman could hear loud and constant sneezing and howling, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or a kettle had been smashed to pieces. They headed down the narrow halls of the small castle and came upon a large wooden door. Opening it, the brothers found that it led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke and piled plates and dirty dishes.
In the far right corner of the room sat the Baroness on a three-legged stool, cradling a crying baby in her arms while over to the far left was... Chef Saltbaker?
Now this was probably the third time the boys had encountered someone they knew in this wonderland, but that didn't mean they were used to it. Chef Saltbaker was a jolly if slightly stern cook at their local bakery, usually making cakes and other sweets, but here he looked simply furious as he leaned over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.
There was a heavy cloud of pepper and smoke in the air, making the brothers sneeze as Saltbaker kept dumping more and more into the pot, the baby in the Baroness' arms just wouldn't stop crying and sneezing and even the Baroness herself was sneezing every once in a while.
The only thing that wasn't sneezing from all the smoke and pepper aside from Saltbaker was a large black cat with a head that was shaped and even looked like a magic eight ball with the number eight on it's head. Though the most noticeable feature this cat had was the long, rather unsettling grin on it's face that stretched from ear to ear.
"Um, excuse us, Ma'am," Mugman timidly spoke up, "why is that cat grinning like that?"
The Baroness barely even bat an eye as she kept rocking the baby. "It's a Mangosteen cat." She replied with such sudden violence that it made the brothers jump. "And that's why, pig!"
Cuphead frowned as he was one who didn't like being called 'pig'. "Well, excuse us." He huffed brashly. "It's just that neither of us knew that Mangosteen cats could grin like that. Or that cats could really grin at all."
"They can." said the Baroness. "And most of 'em do."
"Well, I don't I know any that do that." Mugman said, trying to be polite. "And frankly, I don't think my brother does either."
"You don't know much," the Baroness said snidely, "and that's a fact."
While Mugman shrunk back, Cuphead grew even more annoyed at how rude this woman was. He thought now would probably be a good time to introduce some other subject of conversation. But just as he was about to speak, Saltbaker suddenly lifted the cauldron of soup off the fire and began throwing everything within his reach at the Baroness and the baby.
Pots, pans, plates, and platters were flying everywhere, a cork even flying into the baby's mouth. The baroness didn't even pay attention to him as she dropped the baby. Not wanting to see the child hurt, Mugman quickly grabbed the baby (with the cork still in it's mouth) and he and Cuphead ran back to the entrance of the gate in the shower of pots and pans.
The gate was already open as the brothers rushed outside with the baby.
"Well, certainly glad we're out of there." Mugman sighed with relief, still holding the baby in his hands.
"Yeah, but what are we gonna do with the baby?" Cuphead questioned. "I mean, we can't really keep him."
Mugman gasped before he glared. "How can you say that? We can't leave him here!"
Just as the argument was about to escalate, the baby grunted and began squirming in Mugman's arms. Then, to the brothers shock, they saw the cork in the baby's mouth suddenly morph into a snout. And in an instant, the baby had suddenly turned into a cute little piglet.
The piglet then wriggled itself loose from Mugman's grip and ran off into the forest, though not before turning back and waving at them with a cute little 'oink'.
"Well," Cuphead remarked as they watched the pig trot away, "if it had grown up, he probably would have been a pretty ugly kid, but it makes a cute pig."
With nothing there for them, the boys wandered back into the forest and continued to wander for quite some time. That was until they came across a rather disjointed road that led up to a tree. The tree and everything around it were covered in several signs that pointed in multiple directions, ranging from up, down, this way, that way, left, right, and yonder.
Frankly, the signs were not really any help to the brothers as they tried to figure out where they should go.
As they looked down the different paths, Cuphead and Mugman were startled when they saw the Mangosteen Cat suddenly appear sitting on a branch above them. The Cat only grinned eerily when it saw the brothers, with it's very long claws and great many teeth.
"Well, fancy meeting you again." The Cat said, still grinning. "Now, were you going to ask me something?"
"Um, d-do you think you could tell which way we should go?" Mugman stammered.
"That depends on where you want to get to." The Cat replied.
"It doesn't really matter," Cuphead started, "just as long as we get to-"
"Then it really doesn't matter which way you go." The Cat interrupted, shrugging.
"-so long as we get somewhere." Cuphead quickly added to his explanation.
"Oh, you're sure to do that." said the Cat. "If you only walk long enough, though."
The brothers both felt that this could not be denied, so Cuphead decided to ask another question. "Is anyone who lives around here?"
"In that direction," the Cat said, waving his left paw round, "lives the Mad Hatter. And in that direction," waving the other paw, "lives the March Hare. Visit either one if you like, their both mad."
"Well, I don't think we fancy being around crazy people." Cuphead remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that." The Cat said. "We're all mad here in Wonderland. "I'm mad. You're both mad."
"How do you know either of us are mad?" Mugman asked innocently.
"You must be, or the two of you wouldn't have come here." said the Cat.
In Cuphead's opinion, that didn't really prove anything at all, nor did that really make a lot of sense. "And how do you know you're mad?" He retorted.
"To begin with, a dog's not mad, yes?" The Cat said.
Cuphead raised a brow. "That sorta depends."
"Well then," The Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry and wags it's tail when it's pleased. Now, I growl when pleased and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore, I am mad."
"I'm pretty sure that's purring, not growling." Mugman spoke up.
"Call it whatever you like," The Cat replied, his grin never wavering, "do you play roulette with the King to-day?"
Cuphead rubbed his chin, intrigued. "That sounds like fun," He said, "but we haven't got an invitation yet."
"You'll see me there." The Cat said vaguely before suddenly fading away into thin air.
The brothers stood in silence for a few minutes, waiting to see if maybe the cat would reappear. When he didn't, Cuphead and Mugman walked in the direction in which the March Hare was said to live.
Sorry for the short chapter but I'm trying to get this done as quickly as I can before school starts again.
