Marinette was used to things being difficult. Ever since she accepted her position as ladybug nothing had been quite as easy as her prior mundane life. Living atop a bakery that her two loving parents owned had made for a simple but happy life. She had friends she loved, and a part time job at the bakery whenever she had the time. Her life was perfect, but she supposed she did always long for something more. Something that came wrapped up in red and black spots, with adventure tied in a bow.
But now, things were difficult. She was never one for lying, it made her feel guilty and nauseous. Lying was for bad people and Marinette was not a bad person, just a good liar. The thought made her cringe. She had become a good liar hadn't she, her entire life was basically a lie.
From the moment she woke up in the morning to the moment she went to bed, she was living a lie.
Sometimes she wished there was a vacation from being ladybug. A moment where she no longer had to be her, where she could just be Marinette. When she was with Alya, she was constantly reminded by the fact that she was lying. Alya, Ladybugs number one fan would be crushed by the knowledge that Marinette was ladybug and hadn't told her.
Not only with her friends but with her mother. She could only picture her mother's reaction to knowing she was risking her life for Paris everyday.
"Marinette!"
She lifted her head quickly, eyes wide as Alya snapped her fingers in her face.
"Yes sorry, I was just thinking."
"Yeah, I can tell by the drool on your mouth." Her cheeks flared red as she furiously scrubbed at her lip.
"What's got you so out of it?"
"Long night I guess."
"FaceTiming luka." She sang Lukas name, and Marinette felt her heartbeat quicken. She had been talking to luka a bit so it wouldn't be a lie, but hearing his name made her feel sick to her stomach
"Yeah we talked last night."
"How exciting. How are you guys doing?"
Marinette collected her books exiting the classroom behind her best friend. How were they doing? She chewed at her lip hugging her books to her chest.
"We're fine."
"Fine?" Alya shook her head groaning. "Marinette it's your first boyfriend I'm going to need more details than just fine!"
"Alright alright! Lower your voice please! It's going good I guess, he invited me on vacation with his family during spring break."
"Marinette! That's huge! Have you guys kissed yet?"
Marinette felt her cheeks burn as she looked anywhere but at Alya. "Yes but it's not a big deal Alya. And plus I don't even know if I want to go with him yet."
"What? Why not?"
Marinette shrugged. "I don't know. What if it's awkward."
"First of all, juleka will be there so you'll have someone else to talk to, and second Lukas your boyfriend! You shouldn't feel awkward around him."
Oh if only Alya knew, but how could she? Marinette would never tell her, she had decided that nothing was safe from Alyas judgment. She was a great friend but she was easily excitable and kind of pushy which was good sometimes but not right now.
"I wouldn't say things are awkward, it's just still new is all."
"This doesn't have anything to do with Adrien does it?" Marinette stopped walking, her eyes flickering over to said boy. He was laughing at something Nino had said, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. She felt her face warm yet again. The years had done him well, he had gotten taller but yet, never quite got rid of his boyish features. His hair had grown to be more tousled but his eyes were as big and green as ever.
"Marinette."
She snapped back to Alya and shook her head, eyes lingering on Adrien for a moment. "No way, I'm totally over him. School will be over soon and we'll all be moving on. I'm completely over that whole crush."
Who was Marinette fooling, this wasn't some crush. It might've been at first but the more she got to know Adrien, the more time she spent with him the more certain she had become that she was in love with him. But she had a boyfriend, and Adrien had a girlfriend
Kagami.
Marinette wouldn't say she disliked Kagami, quite the opposite. The two were friends and she enjoyed her company it was just that Kagami did not seem like the right person for Adrien.
He would finally joke around with all of them, he seemed to have really been coming out of his shell but when Kagami was there he was quiet. Still and careful, like someone walking on broken glass. She had watched the look Kagami had given him when he would be silly like the rest of them, almost like Kagami thought they were too good for them. They had started out good she supposed. She had even supported them a tiny bit, no matter how much it had hurt. They would laugh and joke around but maybe it was the pressure of their families that was destroying what they had.
She didn't want to blame Kagami, it was the way she was raised. Don't speak unless spoken to, don't act unless told to. They had given her a complex she supposed, but if that were the case then it was her responsibility to work through her trauma and not let it ruin another person.
It's one thing to seek help from someone, it's another to destroy their life. She shook her head, hoping it would erase the thought. Adrien was not her responsibility, it wasn't up to her what he did. She casted one last glance at him before turning back to Alya.
"Besides, even if I wasn't Adrien has a girlfriend and there's nothing I can do about it." She felt the sympathetic look before she saw it.
"I'm sorry Marinette, but maybe this trip will be good for you. It'll give you and Luka some alone time."
She shrugged, pulling her bag further onto her shoulder. "Yeah maybe. I'll see you later Alya, I actually have to meet Luka after school. I'm helping him with his paper before his show tonight."
"Must be nice having a university boyfriend."
Marinette gave Alya a playful shove before bidding her goodbye. She walked slowly to the bus stop, she would be heading to Lukas dorm seeing as she had moved out after graduation. She had been a few times but today felt heavier. She wasn't completely sure why but she did have an idea. The bus trip was short though it felt like an eternity. In all honesty, she would rather go home. Was that how it was having a boyfriend? Weren't you supposed to want to be with them all of the time? Luka made her rather nervous now, and she wondered if maybe her feelings were wavering.
"Hey Marinette."
She gave him a smile, accepting his hug. Her face sat awkwardly against his chest, though she still snuggled it in. "Hey." She allowed herself to enjoy the hug before pulling back. "Want to get started?"
Luka gave her a mischievous grin, tapping his chin. "Start what?"
"Your paper you said you had to…" She paused, finally catching on. "You liar!"
Luka laughed, blocking Marinette's small punches. "I'm sorry Marinette! It was the only way I could get you to come over here!" she froze, guilt filling her. She dropped her arms and looked up at him. "You've been kind of avoiding me." She didn't respond, the small piece of thread sticking out of the worn carpet capturing her attention. What was she supposed to say?"I just want to know if I did something wrong."
"No no! You did nothing wrong Luka. You're always so kind and wonderful to me but uh, I don't think I should go on that trip with you Luka."
He looked confused for a moment before his mouth fell into a small oh. "Are you uncomfortable?"
"I just think it's a little soon." She hugged herself looking back up at him. "Don't you?"
He frowned, looking down at her. "No not really. We've been dating for three months, I thought it would be fun. You're friends with Juleka, I just thought you'd enjoy camping and spending time together. You had even mentioned it before." Marinette bit her tongue. This was not how she expected this to go.
"I know, I know, I'm just feeling a little confused right now is all." Luka clenched his palms and Marinette tensed.
"You're still not over him?" He asked in disbelief.
She looked at him, shocked. "Luka I-"
"Marinette! This guy doesn't like you, why would you agree to go out with me if you were in love with someone else still?!" She stared at him, tears filling her eyes.
"I do like you Luka! I do, maybe if you just give me some more time I could, I don't know I could try harder!"
Luka shook his head, tears filling his eyes as well. "I'm not a second choice Marinette, I'm a person. I'm not your placeholder until Adrien decides he likes you. I have feelings, I'm not your doll. You can't just pick me up when you're lonely and stick me on a shelf when you're not that's not how a relationship works."
"Luka please I just need some time to sort through my feelings…"
"It's been two years Marinette, three months of which we've been dating. How much time could you possibly need? If you don't know what you want after all of this time you're never going to know."
She stared at him, not knowing what else to say. "Please." She whispered, hugging herself tighter.
"Maybe you shouldn't come to the show tonight."
"No Luka, don't do this." She couldn't believe how fast things were going wrong her stomach felt like it was going to fip inside out.
"I'm only doing what you asked Marinette." He sighed, scratching the back of his head. "Just." He looked away with a frown on his face. "Just go home and sort through your feelings ok? I'm not going to rush into anything stupid, or do anything I'm going to regret. I like you Marinette." He looked back at her, a serious look in his eyes. "So go home and figure this out. Until then please just...leave me alone."
She stared at him, tears leaking down her cheeks. This couldn't be happening, were they on a break? A breakup? What was even going on? She picked up her bag and quickly left his dorm. She ran past the groups of kids on campus, giving her a strange look as she desperately tried to stop crying.
Who was she to reprimand Kagami when she was no better than her. She couldn't even get over a boy who barely talked to her and poor Luka was paying the price for that. He was so kind and patient and she took advantage of that. The bus trip back was humiliating, her soft cries and hiccups could be heard by everyone and she wanted nothing more than to disappear. She couldn't go home yet, her parents would question her, afterall she was supposed to be out with her boyfriend. That stung softly, more tears pricking at her eyes.
She made her way to the park across from the bakery, it was empty and the swingset seemed like the perfect place to cry at the moment. The sun had set and she sat on the swings, face buried in her hands as she cried.
"Marinette." Tiki's soft voice chimed in her ear. She gently pressed a paw to Mariinette's face, snuggling her. "I'm sorry Marinette, I know it hurts." Her words caused another sob to shake through her body. Had she just lost one of her bestfriends? How on Earth was she going to make this up to him.
The thought of never getting to hug him again brought on another sob. The idea of never hearing him play for her brought the second. She felt Tiki zip away into her bag before a voice started her.
"Hey, are you ok?" She looked up quickly, attempting to hide all traces of emotion on her face.
"Chat Noir? What are you...what are you doing here?"
"I could be asking you the same thing, Marinette right?" She nodded her head, big blue eyes red with tears. "Why are you sitting alone in the park? And why are you crying?"
"I asked you first. Where's Ladybug? Is there an Akuma?"
He laughed softly, taking the swing next to her and plopping down on it. "No no, don't worry. No Akuma and I'm here alone. If i'm being honest here, I'm running away."
"Running away?"
"Can you keep a secret?" She nodded her head, wiping her nose. "I got into a fight with my girlfriend and well, this is the only way I can really escape right now. Running away." He clarified, dropping his hands on his knees. "So what about you?"
She stared at him, biting her lip. "Me too, running away I mean." He looked at her as though expecting her to continue. "I also got into a fight with my girlfriend. I mean with my boyfriend well Ex-boyfriend I guess." He looked shocked, moving his hands to the chains and swaying back and forth slightly. Marinette raised an eyebrow, she had no idea Chat had a girlfriend. She supposed that explained the recent lack of flirting, but still she never would have guessed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" She thought about that for a moment. Did she want to talk about it? It's not like Chat Noir could tell anyone, and she couldn't really talk to anyone she knew about it.
"Uhm...ok. Well, My boyfriend uh ex-boyfriend, his name is Luka, he's super nice and everything a girl could possibly want in a boyfriend. He's handsome, patient and thoughtful, and so it should be so easy to love him." She paused, wrinkling her burning nose. "So easy to be with him and want to be around him, and yet...there's this other boy .I've liked him since I was in middle school and while we didn't get along at first I found myself pining after him." She sounded ridiculous, Chat Noir was going to think she was a mess. "Its been years since we met and I thought I could get over him by going out with Luka, stupid I know. But I ended up really liking Luka." She paused yet again taking a shaky breath. "But I just can't stop thinking about the other guy." She felt good to finally admit that. "I like Luka, and it's so confusing because this other boy will never like me I just can't get over the what if." Chat Noir watched her quietly, intently listening to every word she spoke.
"I understand Marinette. I understand completely." She watched him think for a moment before he spoke. "My life is...complicated to say the least. I'm kind of in the same situation as you, except my relationship was planned out for me." he looked sad, his shoe making patterns in the dirt. "She's not the girl I'm in love with but once my father says it, there's no arguing. But there's this other girl and I'm crazy about her. She'll never look at me the way I see her though, and I'm pretty much chained to my current girlfriend for life." Marinette sniffled softly.
"I'm sorry Chat, that sounds awful."
He shrugged. "It's not like she's a bad person she's just not my person. I had really liked her when we first started dating but I think it was just nice to have someone living the same horror story as me. And I don't know, there's just always this pressure, always people watching to make sure I don't mess up. I'm under constant pressure in my civilian life and then once I'm Chat Noir it's better, because I can actually be myself but there's still so much expected of me. I can't mess up and I wish there was a moment I could just...stop! Stop being Chat Noir, and stop being my fake civilian self. I wish I could just be me."
Marinette stared at him. There she was complaining about being Ladybug and wishing she could just be Marinette, that things would be easier but here was Chat, not able to escape the heat anywhere he went. She watched as his head hung, her heart aching for him. He looked so sad, and broken. She scolded herself, angry that she couldn't see how her partner was suffering. Angry that she had never thought to talk to Chat about his feelings. Angry that all that was allowed for them to do together was fight. Well, there was something she could do now.
"If you ever need to talk Chat or a place where you can be yourself, you can always come talk to me. No judgment here, I mean you found me crying on the swings. I don't think I have the room to judge you."
He chuckled, lifting his head up. "You'd do that for me?"
"Yeah of course, we don't even have to talk. It helps to stay distracted, we could just...hang out? I know I could use some distraction."
"What started this whole fight with this Luka guy?"
Marinette groaned, dropping her face in her hands. "He invited me camping with his family and I said no."
Chat Noir seemed to think this over for a moment before speaking. "Maybe you should go? It could help you figure out how you feel, no other boy around, we'll call him Bob."
Marinette giggled. "Bob is nowhere near his name but continue."
"Don't interrupt me." He teased, flicking her forehead playfully. "But with no Bob, no distractions and no pressure it might give you time to focus on how you feel for Luka. Then, if you still can't focus on him, even with no Bob around to fill your thoughts, then you know it's not meant to be and you can end it without stringing him along."
"How do i even do that though? He broke up with me, or at least told me not to talk to him until I know."
"Well, maybe talk to him about it. Relationships are built on good communication, I'm sure he'd be happy if you tell him exactly how you're feeling."
"That's really good advice Chat Noir, thanks."
"That's what a super hero is for. Saving the day, I'm pretty awesome."
"Don't ruin it." She said, rolling her eyes.
"Sorry, you should head home though. It's late and not safe to be out here alone." She nodded her head, standing up.
"You're right. Thanks Chat, I feel better."
"I'm glad, now here let me walk you home."
"It's ok, really, I live right above the bakery right there." She said, pointing it out.
"Well, then it'll be a short walk." She rolled her eyes but didn't argue further.
"So." Chat Noir started, as they made their way across the park. "If I ever come over to talk or 'hang out' as you put it, will i get free baked goods."
"Wow, expecting freebies when we only just became friends huh?"
He shrugged looking over at her. "You could think about it as feeding a stray cat."
"You are no stray Chat Noir, I know that for a fact."
"You'd be surprised." There was that sadness in his eyes again, he tried to mask it with a smile but it still caused Marinette's heart to ache.
"Well then I suppose I could see what I could do. After all, what kind of person would I be if I let a stray cat starve." He seemed to perk up giving her a small smile as they stopped in front of her door.
"I'll see you later Marinette.I hope everything works out." He leaned in, hugging her gently. Marinette couldn't help but notice how perfectly her face sat under his chin, snuggled into his neck. His arms hugged her tightly, and she hugged back, though a part of her didn't want to pull away.
"Goodnight, Chat Noir."
