Marinette's eyes scanned Adrien slowly. Though her heart was hammering in her chest, she tried to maintain calm. He looked so nervous. His shifting was indication enough, but he was also messing with his fingers, picking at his nails. The whole thing was honestly stressing her out as well.
"Adrien?" His head snapped up to her and he seemed to swallow, but no words escaped his lips. "Are you ok? Is everything alright?"
"Im engaged." Marinette felt her heart sink. She couldn't have heard that right. Ice pricked at the back of her neck and her stomach turned. Don't panic. He was engaged. He was engaged to Kagami and they were going to get married and she'd never see him or ChatNoir again. She had doomed herself, doomed herself to a life of solitude.
"Oh!" She choked out, forcing a smile on her face. "That's really exciting. I'm so happy for you." She turned to move away quickly, not wanting to ruin this for him but he grabbed her arm and tugged her back. She stared at him in surprise, tears forming in her eyes.
"No. No, don't be happy for me, I don't want this. I never wanted this." She felt like she had been punched in the gut, why was Adrien telling her this? "I thought I did, maybe at some point but recently I've realized it's really not what I want at all."
"You don't ever want to get married?" She asked, confused. The tear finally falling down her face. Adrien clicked his tongue, leaning forwards and brushing the tear from her cheek with his thumb. His hand remained cupping her face and she felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment.
"No, no I do want to get married."
"You do want to get married to Kagami?" Now it felt like her head was spinning, Adrien was so close to her she could smell his cologne and it was distracting her.
"No!" He looked frustrated, letting her go. She stumbled slightly backwards watching him pace in front of her. "No, I do want to get married one day, I just don't want to marry Kagami!" Well, that was good, well wasn't good, bad for Kagami, but good for her. But why did he feel the need to tell her?
"So uh….th-then don't?"
"It's not that easy. I would've done it, you know." He turned back to her, stepping closer. She pressed her back to the wall watching him with wide eyes. "I would've just married her like a good and dutiful son for my father, I would have done that because that's the type of person I am. But...but now that I know what love feels like, and what being loved feels like? I'm too selfish to let that go."
Marinette shook her head, thoroughly confused now. "That's not selfish Adrien. I think you're the least selfish person I know."
He sniffed and backed away, clenching his jaw. "Then you don't really know me."
That stung. Maybe Marinette didn't really know him, afterall the two of them hadn't had too many moments alone. She knew who he was on the outside but they'd never had any deep conversations. Who really was Adrien Agreste. Marinette looked down, not knowing what to say. "I uh, I don't know what to tell you Adrien. I think you should just do what you want ya know, there's no reason you should have to marry someone just because your father says too. It's your life. No one else controls the decisions you make." That seemed to strike something within him and he turned back to her, completely serious. His drastic change in emotions were giving her whiplash.
"That reminds me. I didn't come here just to tell you that, I mean that was an important part yes, but this is even more important. I was debating for a while whether I should come and tell you because well I knew you'd be mad."
"Mad? What on Earth could you have done to make me mad?"
"It's not what I've done. Well I mean technically I did do it, but you didn't know it was me, but that's why I'm here, to tell you it was me."
She felt her head spinning around his words, he seemed like he was talking in circles. "Adrien, just tell me."
"I'm so afraid to Marinette. It will change everything."
"What have you gone and done you silly boy?" She asked, trying to calm him down. He seemed like he wanted to cry and Marinette just wanted to hug him. She wondered if her friends were listening at the door, what they thought about all of this.
He sighed and wrapped his arms around her, dropping his head onto her shoulder. She felt goosebumps cover her skin, and she hugged him back carefully, rubbing circles onto his back. "I'm sorry."
"For?" She encouraged, hoping he could just tell her.
"I'm sorry for leaving you after kissing you." What? What? What the hell was he talking about? Adrien had never kissed her? Did he have the right girl? "I'm sorry for abandoning you after you spilled your heart to me. After you confessed to me not once, but twice." Ok, now she was really confused. She couldn't recall a more confusing conversation in her life, and that was saying something with her.
"Adrien, I have no idea what you're talking about."
She heard him take a deep breath. "I'm ChatNoir."
The words hung in the silence. They echoed in her ear, playing on repeat.
Marinette froze. Adrien was ChatNoir. She had told Adrien she was in love with him, while also telling ChatNoir she was in love with him. They were the same person, she fell for him twice. She pulled away, staring at him, pain evident on her face. She grabbed his cheeks staring at him in horror and finally it clicked. She released him staggering back.
"Chat?"
"Guilty."
She wanted to cry, wanted to cry because how lucky could she be? "How could you?" She choked out. "How could you leave me there after that?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "You knew how much i was struggling and you still-"
He shook his head, and Marinette stopped talking, wanting him to explain. "I know, I know. I was an asshole. But, you have to understand how crazy that was for me, knowing you loved both sides of me. But- But I couldn't tell you! Ladybug would kill me, she might still if she knew I told you."
That was true, this could potentially ruin them. There was no way this would end well now that she knew who Chat was. Though, she supposed she should've thought about that before she was hanging out with him as Marinette. What on Earth was she even doing? Why was she such a failure?
"Marinette?"
She looked up at him, obviously panicked. What if HawkMoth knew, or had seen the two of them together? What would that mean for them? Could he target them out of their suits?
"I'm sorry." She finally said, looking up at him. "I know, it can't be an easy thing for you. Revealing who you are and everything, but that doesn't mean you should have left me there." He looked pained and Marinette walked closer, gently cupping his cheek. "My poor kitty, that must have been so confusing for you. We all do things that are crazy in the heat of the moment. I understand. I accept your apology." Then, she had a realization. "Kagami." Adrien groaned nodding his head.
"Kagami. I kind of freaked out on her last time we hung out. I think she's hurt that I don't want to be with her. I just, I can't. Not when I know how amazing and free I feel being with you." He whispered, taking her hands. Marinette could not believe it, this was real. "I'm in love with you Marinette. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it." She stared up at him, more tears forming in her eyes and Adrien moved quickly to wipe them away. She was elated, she had wanted to hear those words from him for so long.
"No, no it's ok. They're happy tears." She chuckled, lifting her hand to wipe them away.
"My father wants me to announce our engagement at his show this week."
She cringed, shaking her head. "I would be there, but if you'd rather just disappear, you're more than welcomed to hide out here. It does seem to be your place to go huh?" She teased and Adrien looked shy, scratching the back of his head.
"I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I think I should tell Kagami I don't want to be with her anymore."
"Yes, I think so too. It's not fair for her, you should break it off there and then that will be that."
"I know, I know. I'm worried, I don't want to hurt her."
"Well…" Marinette bit her lip. "I think that's kind of inevitable. But if you wait longer, it will just make it worse." he nodded with a sigh.
"You're right. As always." she stared at him, still in shock. Adrien was ChatNoir. ChatNoir was Adrien. She didn't know what came over her but she launched herself at him smashing their lips together. Adrien staggered slightly, though he placed his hands on her hips when the shock subsided. He kissed her back, tugging her closer, his hands felt like fire on her skin. Kissing him was like nothing she had experienced before, heat surged through her veins and when Adrien pulled back, nothing could have prepared her for the tender smile on his face. "Hey." He chuckled.
Marinette turned bright red, but didn't break eye contact. "Hey."
"So, does this mean what I think it means?" He asked, reaching down and taking her hand in his. She gave him a gentle squeeze and smiled softly.
"We'll see what happens. For now, we deal with Kagami and then after…" She laughed to herself, looking down at her feet. "Maybe you could take me on a real date?"
When she peeked up at him, Adrien was practically glowing. "Yes, Yes of course."
"Now, how about we go inside, I'm sure everyone is wondering where we've been."
.
.
.
The weather was calm the night before Gabriel Agreste's show. Almost as calm as it was before a large thunderstorm graced Paris with its presence. Marinette wondered if maybe it was going to storm. She sat quietly in her room reading one of the YA novels Rose has suggested. Marinette didn't think anyone could be more of a sucker for love than Rose. She hadn't heard from Adrien since he had left christmas day. The group had spent it together in Marinette's home, watching movies and playing games.
She couldn't have had a better christmas. She had felt so loved and secure and confident for the first time in a long time. She debated telling Adrien who she was, then they could have no secrets. There would be one person who she finally didn't have to lie to. Someone she could be completely open and honest with. It was a frightening idea, to have such a raw relationship with someone but also, very comforting.
She wouldn't have to hide anything, she could finally be herself.
"Knock Knock." She looked up quickly, glad the kwamis had made themselves comfortable in their box.
"ChatNoir, to what do I owe the honor?"
He laughed, dropping himself down onto her bed, approaching her slowly.
"I missed you." He shrugged. "What are you reading?"
"Just some book my classmate-" She paused. This was Adrien, he knew who her classmates were. "Rose, a book Rose leant me. It's actually really good. A little cliche if you ask me."
"Aren't all the best love stories?"
"I suppose." He sat down next to her, dropping an arm around her shoulder. "Have you talked to Kagami?"
He laughed. "Deja vu." She smiled, remembering all of the times ChatNoir had asked if she had talked to Luka. "But uh, yes I did. I told her that I couldn't marry someone I wasn't in love with and she slammed her door in my face. So it went well I think."
Marinette sighed and looked up at him. "Do you think she'll be ok?"
"Honestly? I don't know. All I can do is hope, but I can't go around suffering, trying not to upset people. People get hurt and even if they get akumatized, ladybug and I have got this covered."
"That's fair. You are really only responsible for your own happiness. It's important to focus on yourself now and then."
"You should take your own advice Marinette." ChatNoir laughed, leaning down and pressing a gentle kiss to her head. She felt her face heat up, though she only smiled.
"Yeah, I guess I'm in no position to be giving out life advice."
"Are you doing alright? I know that Akuma attack really had you shaken a few weeks ago." She wracked her brain trying to remember.
"Oh, oh. Yes, I'm ok. It does take a toll on you after a while but what are you going to do huh? How are you doing? These past attacks seem to be really harsh."
ChatNoir stiffened, and cast a glare at the wall. "We've been ok. It seems our suits aren't really protecting us anymore, or at least as well as they were before. I have a pretty banged up ankle, and a lump on the back of my head but Ladybug, she has it much worse." She looked at him with a frown. "I don't know how she's even able to keep fighting. They flung her through a brick wall last time."
Marinette cringed remembering that. She had to take a cold shower in a dark bathroom to stop her head from spinning. She had even gone and gotten a massage to get the pain to go away, though when she moved the ache was still there.
"That sounds rough. I'm sorry Chat, is there anything I can do to help?"
He laughed but shook his head. "Staying inside, and away from the danger. That'll make me feel better." She smiled outwardly but felt a pang of guilt. She wondered what he'd think if he knew she was Ladybug. If she was the one being thrown around, she can't imagine he'd appreciate that.
"Ok. I'll try." He smiled and leaned down nuzzling her neck.
"Thanks, now. How about we watch a movie? This cat needs some snuggles."
She laughed, reaching her arms out for him but couldn't shake away that feeling of guilt. What was she going to do?
