Day 1 : Saturday
Izuku was waiting in the driveway, the cool morning air toying with his curls. He wore his favorite green hoody, the one that completely swallows him up and allows him to hide from the world. There hung a big bag over his shoulder, between his feet stood one of his mother's shopping bags, filled to the brim with snacks and fresh-made food. Yesterday, as he came home short past midnight, wearing a frown and fighting an emotional battle with none other than himself, she did not question him.
Now she was under the impression that he's about to leave for a short trip over the weekend with a couple of friends. Today- and tomorrow. For a matter of tactics, he kept quiet about the fact, that they actually planned the trip without an accurate date to come back home.
But he was going to tell her. Maybe tomorrow. Later. Not right now.
His hands clenched into fists as he pondered the irony of his thoughts. He had complicated several of his problems because he never seemed to be able to speak straightforward. The dramatic racking of his brain was part of him like his green hair, and the disastrous consequences went along like the freckles on his cheeks. His knuckles brushed against his cell phone — and he instinctively pulled it out of his pocket.
No message. Or more precisely: no answer. For days. Had someone told the other about Izuku's plans? Just what would get Katsuki to distance himself now, of all times, this week?
Frustrated, he opened the chat, rammed his finger on the name of 'Katsuki Bakugou' (he had saved as Kacchan, but Katsuki faced his problems always head-on), and wiped down with bated breath to block his best friend. Just like that. If he could ignore him, so could Izuku.
Was he determined to confess? Yes.
Had he been preparing for this weekend for a year? Yes.
Did he have a backup plan for each type of confrontation? Yes.
Did he expect that they wouldn't speak at all when the day came? No.
For one whole year now, had he had the devastating feeling that he was slightly on the wrong track? Yes, …but also no.
There were those and those moments in their friendship. Some more, some less uplifting. Midoriya closed the app and started blocking Katsuki from all media. Maybe the other one would be surprised, would question what's wrong, what caused Izuku problems — if he would even notice it al all. Izuku sighed, slipped the phone into the side pocket of his backpack, and looked down the street..
If Todoroki didn't show up, he would simply walk to the train station and hitchhike to the nearest beach from there.
Hitchhiking.
One of the things in his "To-Do-Book." He laughed cheerlessly at the prospect of maybe completing this list on his own when suddenly a pick-up pulled into the driveway.
It was so big that behind the steering wheel, Todoroki looked way too small for the car. His window was down, he wore black sunglasses and his left arm hung casually on the door. He looked unexpectedly gorgeous.
"What is that?!" Izuku asked with undisguised astonishment as Todoroki got out of the car with a gentle smile and took his backpack and bag from him.
"Momo's parents' pickup truck. With that they go on trips. Bet they use it only for grocery shopping." he emphasized the word 'trip' with a generalizing gesture and chuckled.
"Awesome" the word escaped his lips unnoticed as he took a few steps towards the car and peered over the edge at the empty loading area.
"It's handling is also awesome"
"I never thought you'd be able to borrow it after just ... what's it now? 7 months being a couple?"
"226 days."
"Hm... pretty cool."
"Ready to take off?" Todoriki looked down at his hands, still carrying the two bags "Don't you have a sleeping bag?"
"Sleeping bag? What for? I packed some of my pocket money because I thought we would be sleeping in motels?"
Todoroki seemed to be thinking. "Nevermind, there won't be a problem."
"There's one in the basement I could just-?" Midoriya offered and gestured to his house.
"No need, ther's surely another one in the car, get in already." His eyes narrowed a little as he looked in the direction of the house. "Does your mum even know that I have a driver's license?"
Izuku looked over his shoulder at the kitchen window. His mother seemed unsure whether to wave him over or wave him goodbye. When she seemed to be rushing out of the room, Izuku sprinted to the passenger seat and jumped into the car.
"I should say hellu. "
"You should get in as well and start the car. I'm so so excited!"
By the time his mother threw the open the front door, the car already rolled back out of the small driveway.
As Izuku put on his sunglasses as well, both of them already laughing about the absurdity of the situation. Inko eventually raised her hand only to wave uncertainly after them. She hadn't recognized the other boy, but she trusted her son. On his knowledge of human nature and his word.
"She's too worried for her own good, I swear" Midoriya mumbled and unwrapped two onigiris for breakfast. He passed one of them on directly.
"I like your mother. She is so caring." Shouto replied with his mouth full, "Here, would you take this back ? Driving with one hand feels less cool than it looks - thanks. "
"Where are we going anyway?" Midoriya wanted to know and, somewhat perplexed, holding Shouto's bitten onigiri over the center-console.
"There's a map of Europe over there in the door. Pick a city, I think we could get almost anywhere in two days. "
Izuku then looked at him as if speaking Chinese backwards.
"Prefer the beach to the city? How about Italy? "
"Shouto, I don't have a driver's license. You would have to drive alone the entire time!"
"That's good training."
He stopped the car at a red light and looked energetically at his passenger. Izuku handed him the onigiri back,utterly amazed. He had never seen Todoroki so careless and euphoric.
"Italy sounds fantastic" he replied almost breathlessly and put the atlas back in the glove compartment.
"I've never been there. I can't speak Italian."
"Neither do I."
As the lights turned green, Todoroki hurridy stuffed the entire onigiri into his mouth.
The sun stood high in the sky and the air was warm and smelled like coming summer and freshly mowed grass. Izuku dug in his backpack for his diary. But before a blank page could open, he flipped all pages to the left. There on the last page, a lot scribbled in pencil, but some parts decidedly in red or black ink - was his to-do list. He opened his mouth to tell his traveling companion about it, but as he skimmed it, his stomach contracted in a way he had come to love and hate simultaneously. His wild imagination had led him to so many visions inside his head, so most of the things he had added in the last few months were pure wishful thinking. And for most of the options, he actually expected to be in the presence of his other best friend.
Behind the bullet point ROADTRIP was the word Vegas, the only word that Katsuki had answered him as he asked him about his dream destination for a road trip.
"What is that?"
The question startled him and the book almost slipped from his sweaty hands.
"Oh that, this is my diary. More precisely, my secret diary that nobody actually knows about. "
"You keep writing in some notebooks on a daily basis, so why a secret diary?"
"In my notebooks, I write about the people around me. My diary is all about me. And my wishes. And hopes. "
"Has Bakugou-kun contacted you?"
He did not see that coming, so Izuku closed the book again without noticing it and turned more towards the driver's seat, considering. He pretended to check his phone.
"No."
"What are you doing now that your deadline is up?" Shouto wanted to know and Izuku let his head fall back against the car seat.
"Obviously, I'll move on by traveling to Italy with my other best friend in his Father-in-laws's car." Todoroki frowned.
"That sounds like we're going on this trip to help you get over your heartache and not because my father died yesterday."
"There you can see where our priorities are. In the gutter." Izuku giggled matter of factly. But the other didn't join in the laughter.
"You can stop that."
"What d'you mean?"
"This exaggerated negative attitude. Yesterday was enough for me. It was ... refreshing. And it helped me. "
Izuku didn't reply.
"Do you think he would roll over in his grave if he knew I um- stole a car?"
"You did WHAT?"
The sunglasses covered his mismatched eyes, but Izuku was sure that during that sudden fit of laughter, the one or the other tear disappeared into his dark collar.
"The key was hanging," he chuckled and wiped his cheek with his left sleeve. "But nobody was home. I wrote a note. So it's not truly stolen. Only borrowed."
"You could have just asked, couldn't you? Momo's parents?"
Todoroki shook his head. "We didn't speak since the fight after the hospital. I went to see her after the party yesterday, though... but at some point, she hid in one of the library rooms, and I was too exhausted for any kind of heated conversation."
"Why? Did she say something bad about your dad?"
"Worse than you? No. On the contrary." thoughtful Izuku titled his head to the side.
"She was just listing positive things. About him. And how sorry she was ... that she understood my pain ... and that our reconciliation was so imminent. That my father would have had a soft core under that burning shell and- I interrupted her. And I even yelled at her."
He shook his head as if scolding himself.
"Everyone who ran into me - after I saw him there - father - that giant - in that tiny bed" he let out a stressed breath and stretched briefly behind the steering wheel to collect himself. "Everyone told me how great he was, despite the billions of mistakes he made. After everything he did. And then Momo's face. She is so convinced he's had a good heart. Really... although not a single one of them seemed to have known him. I think everyone has a second face behind closed doors."
"How did she react to your outburst?" Izuku interjected to keep Shouto talking.
"She started crying. But at the thought of comforting her then and there, my hair stood on end. You know Momo, she doesn't cry. And I had this paranoid thought if I give in and comfort her, I' would agree with her. I couldn't do that. And then she became insecure. And that was worse because I got the feeling I had to explain every mistake my father did, so she would understand that I didn't shed a tear because I did not WANT to, and not because I supposedly can't. I can. You witnessed that yesterday. And it was so good for me that you didn't canonize him. It felt so good. " Izuku nodded slightly and observed Shouto for a while before he turned away. His expression was smooth and difficult to read, but he seemed to be thinking. It is easy to get carried away when nothing is keeping you anchored, so he spoke up and changed the subject.
"Would you like a drink?" he asked dutifully and dug two bottles of water out of the provisions bag.
"Gladly."
But the water bottle stopped over the centre-console.
"You don't want to drive one-handed. How do you want a drink? Should I wait for another traffic light? "
"We are on the highway already, there are no more traffic lights here. You can put your hand on the steering wheel while I drink, to be on the safe side"
Izuku's eyes widened and he shook his hands defensively "You want to reach into the steering wheel? While driving? No. Then I'd rather look for something like a juice box. " Shouto's amused snort sounded a little strange to his ears, but Izuku decided that he wanted to hear it so often over the next few days that it will feel familiar to him when they get back.
They had been on the road for four hours. All the windows were down, the radio was on full volume, and the bass shook their hearts to rearrange themselves. They talked and joked, laughed a lot, and enjoyed sun and wind on their skin and hair. At one point Izuku had relaxed to a level where he even started reading paragraphs from his diary. Todoroki was forced to drive off the road to avoid accidentally crashing the car while laughing. Inko's provisions were plenty and made them incredibly happy and full. The surrounding landscape had changed, wide fields giving way to high mountains with peaks of shiny ice. When they got back into the car, they were relaxed and satisfied. The radio played low and Izuku suddenly felt Todoroki looking for words next to him.
"Since you won't spill the beans yourself- what's with that deadline?"
"Todoroki ..." Izuku whispered, almost a little annoyed, because every time he managed to think about something else than Bakugou, his friend somehow got back to that topic.
"You don't have to say anything, if you really don't want to. But be assured, I noticed your change in the last couple of days. I thought it't a phase again, sometimes you seem to be more unsure in his presence than on other days- but with that whole deadline thing- I tend to believe that's the reason for your timid behaviour. And I just want to understand, you know. I felt it myself yesterday, telling some of your most private thoughts can actually be a big relieve. And I really want to lift some of the tension off your shoulders, if you'd let rushing you."
Izuku took a deep breath, restet his head back und closed his eyes.
"I was … sooooo lost in him. Quite hard, actually. Almost unhealthy. Not crush-like anymore "
"Since when? "
"Hm. "Feels like an eternity. I can't name a date, but our friendship has definitely become more to me than I ever expected it to be. Exactly one year ago, as we celebrated Momo's birthday in that old cinema ... I waited all eveing for Mina to bring it on with one of her weird P18 games, ...I added four extra shots of vodka to my already spiked sprite and sat down, right across from him. And I swear, we exchanged more looks than anyone else in the entire group. And his eyes made my head spin and in this moment I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to try it. So badly- and not with Ochako, although I've often thought about her, but actually with him. "
"What did you want to try? Sex?" came the startled counter-question.
"Oh, God! No! I wanted to know how it feels to kiss someone. And then I want more. Then I wanted him to fall in love too. "
"Bakugou? Within a year?"
"Yes."
"Say, did Ochako-chan ever had a chance with you?"
"No, I made up my mind when Kacchan threw himself right in front of me. It was only a second, but I knew he must have felt exactly the same way I felt back then. When I saw him in that alley surrounded by this slime ... no, at the party I think I just wanted to know if he might already feel the same. And I thought it would be enough if we just had to do one of Mina's stupid games together. You know, sit on your lap, bite your ear, things like that. "
"We stopped the game after you two left and Denki threw up into the punchbowl" said Shouto.
"Ah," smiled Izuku, "because nobody could eat any fruit out of a drink - without thinking about the big bowl."
"That means you couldn't check it." That was not even a question.
"I did check it. The moment he left the room, I followed him onto the balcony. Those shots in my sprite did the trick and I was brave enough to kiss him. He was pretty wasted at that point, otherwise he wouldn't have clinged to me like that. I don't know. Then he bolted. I gave him a headstart and then I followed him inside... and then our eyes met in the living room."
Izuku shrugged again unconsciously "I instantly knew two things: I was so damn head over heels for him, but I would lose him immediately if I would rush things ever again like that."
Todoroki didn't answer right away and Izuku wondered briefly, if anyone except him and Katsuki even knew about the kiss.
"He threw up when he came back from the balcony. In the exhibition cupboard next to the old movie posters."
Midoriya's heart skipped an awful long beat before it continued his rhythm a little faster under his collarbone.
"Yeah... but it surely was because of Denki...?"
"That- I'm sorry. That's just - yeah it makes perfect sense."
Todoroki gave him a quick look. Midoriya pursed his lips, ignored the last part, and continued. Shouto was right, it did feel good to talk about it.
"I set this deadline that evening. If we can't both come to the same page in one year, at least I wanted to let him know. That's why I wanted to talk to him yesterday. But he didn't come, and somehow I suspect he knew about my plan and that's his typical "fuck you loser, nobody tells me what to do, least of all you" attitude. He brought Kiri to the party, did you know that? But I wasn't worth 10 minutes of his time... even though I asked him to come. ...however, he couldn't have known about it. That would mean he would have known how I felt - although you actually know after such a kiss - but I don't know if he could even remember it. I - ...I don't think he knew anything. That would be - then I'd have made a fool of myself over that year, with all that bad attempts at flirting. He couldn't have known. Otherwise, he would at least have done something , wouldn't he? Oh Shouto, the longer I think about it, the more desperate it all seems to be. "
"It's not desperate. Those are real doubts. " appeased the other.
"Yes, maybe" he agreed softly, noting the dull ache in his chest. Longing is such an asshole.
"Do you even know what type of person Bakugou is into? For me, he always came across as... dunno... explosexual. Something like that "
"I was hoping more for the nerd guy. With the ugly face and the tendency to meddle without thinking. "
"That was a joke, Midoriya- please laugh." But he didn't feel like laughing.
"Maybe-" Shouto started again but a shot of green lightning from the passenger seat let him fall silent. Midoriya made a fist and held it resolutely out the window.
"No, it's through. You set yourself a deadline if you want a clear cut. I gave us a year, that's a hell of a long time. Now I will do everything I can, to use these days to clear my head and stand by him as a loyal friend and not as a lovestruck lunatic. "
With new energy, he grabbed his water and took a long sip. Suddenly his eyes widened.
"But! Speaking of sex and love! I have renounced everything for a whole year, now give me some juicy details!"
"Everything?"
"No diversion" Midoriya insisted and turned until he could lean his shoulder into the seat. He sat cross-legged and put his elbows on his knees.
"There's nothing to talk about." The other replied smoothly.
"Come on Shouto-chan, you've been in a relationship for seven months."
"In a relationship without sex." He gripped the steering wheel tighter and added "Because I can't."
Izuku wondered briefly whether today was simply the day of truths, or if he had just been an unattentive friend to Todoroki.
He grimaced and turned back into driving direction.
"Why not?" He asked softly.
"Can't we talk a little more about you?" Midoriya didn't even think about it.
"My topic is done. I'm single, unlucky in love with my ex-enemy and that kills all of my smexytime. And now tell me why you can't have sex with a perfect girl like Momo Yaoyorozu? " A quarter of an hour passed, or at least that's what it felt like to Izuku before Todoroki spoke again.
"Because that's exactly my problem, somehow. This girl is perfect. Back, front, top, bottom, inside, outside, physically, mentally, everywhere. And then there is me. No idea of feelings. No idea about female bodies, other bodies in general ... if you get what I'm saying here- and when we're getting intimate she's so- perfect. Understanding, calm, offering. In her eyes, I never do anything wrong because for her I seem to be perfect too. But I'm not, I've been told that all my life. And she isn't either. Because as soon as her perfect-being doesn't work, Momo seems to be completely empty. There is no fire, but there is no ice either. It is lukewarm, the best comfortable temperature. But I think I need more emotion, even if I don't quite understand them yet. "
"Hot, burning passion, and cold, biting anger, something like that?" Suggested Midoriya.
"That sounds better than it ever felt."
"Then why seven months?"
"Since everyone looks at us and thinks 'perfect relationship'. No quarrel, no inconsistencies, always an agreement. Absolutely perfect."
"Are you in love?"
"Yes and no. I wish she were real instead of perfect. But she has already given me so much. "
" ... except blow jobs "
"Izuku Midoriya!" addressed guilty cleared his throat and started another attempt. "But she got no appetite for what comes after a kiss."
"I don't even know if she has any more experience than me."
"Apparently everyone has more experience with this than you do. Beside maybe Kacchan, you might be right about that."
They fell silent after that. Each of them trying to process what the other just admitted.
"My eyes are slowly aching; could we lookout for something to stay overnight for today? And continue tomorrow early after breakfast? "
"Thats okay for me."
They found a small motel at the foot of a mountain, checked in, and then went out to eat. But as the day came to an end, and Izuku looked at his cell phone in every unobserved moment, an unbearable melancholy blossomed in his chest.
He was in love with the prospect of just driving towards the horizon- but somehow the picture in his head felt incomplete. The person he would like to experience all of this with wasn't there. As much as he liked Todoroki, things were different with Katsuki.
Probably Katsuki would never invite him to a restaurant in his entire life because he was too proud of his cooking skills, but he would always prefer home-made sandwiches with too much garlic and too little sauce (on his side) to an a-lá-card menu.
But the reality was: that the second day of the weekend was over.
And Katsuki hadn't called.
