Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing
Her eyes flew open as she awoke with a start.
Her dreams were filled with memories long forgotten; places she hadn't visited in so long.
Sunlight.
Whispers.
Heero.
Her breath caught. She remembered where she was, and the bed was warm with him. His arm still clung to her in his sleep.
More recent memories flooded her.
When she kissed him, she thought it was going to be fast and intense. They were simply relieving themselves of years of built up hurt and anger.
Intense it was, but he quickly took the lead, slowing her down and truly making love to her.
He had savored her — quite literally.
She was awash with the vivid, fresh image of him, still fully clothed, bringing her to climax with his lips before he even took her to his bed. She could feel her body flush at the mere memory of it.
Every time she called out, the sound of his name on her lips seemed to strike him, increasing his intensity.
It didn't seem to take him long to figure out her similar trigger, either, stoking her passion with each guttural word and whisper.
He'd said that he loved her — a statement he had never used all those years ago, though she couldn't be sure if he withheld it for caution's sake or if he simply neglected it because she had believe was true.
And for a moment, she did, but all hopes eventually die.
Now he said it, and not just the one time. He repeated it again a time or three, watching with some satisfaction as it seemed to push her over the edge. She smiled involuntarily, simultaneously embarrassed and aroused at how he used his words and his tone to finish her off.
This was just a sexual game, she told herself. She could be sure of that, she realized in horror, because she had muttered it back in the end, and she most certainly did not love Heero Yuy.
No anymore.
She couldn't.
It's just sex.
Had he heard?
He seemed to respond to her would-be confession, pulling her tightly to him as they collapsed together in ecstasy.
Her heart raced, even now.
It's just sex.
It would have been hard, years ago, but the Heero she had been with tonight would understand.
He had changed.
She blushed again, halfheartedly wondering if the younger neighbors had heard how he'd made her cry out. She pushed away the thought that this was an expression of long absent love and reminded herself that people grow more proficient at many skills over ten years' time.
Heero.
She wondered how much of his new skillset he had learned from whatever woman was baked into the walls of this room. A pang of jealousy overtook the pleasurable memories as she wondered what that woman would think if she knew.
What would Leland say? Dread knotted in her belly like a rock. Embarrassment and arousal faded away as terrifying shame overtook her. The warmth that had made her so comfortable as she awoke turned to ice.
She quieted her breathing, scrambling to think how to get out without waking him. That was, of course, if he was not already—
"Are you okay?"
She dropped her head back onto the pillow in defeat.
His pillow.
Relena gaped a moment in the darkness, opening her dry lips and closing them helplessly several times before she could put words to the horror that seemed to be tightening around her like a snake.
"I should go."
That didn't make sense, of course. She was in his charge. Even if she left his apartment, they both knew he was coming with her.
But the old phrase seemed to get the message across, she realized, as he pulled his arm away and sat up behind her.
"What time is it?" She looked helplessly around in the darkness, committing to changing the subject.
"Relena?"
Something about hearing her name on his lips always pulled at her heartstrings, but this time he seemed to release within her a deluge of deep longing and grief. Her throat ached and her eyes stung.
She struggled to breathe.
Anger from the week bubbled up inside her, but it was answered by images of his naked body pressing against hers — and his eyes.
As quickly as her womb caught fire with rekindled arousal, her body went cold with horror. This was adultery. What had she done?
"Are you okay?" He repeated. Was he worried that he'd taken things too far?
They both had but she resolved, for the moment, to accept responsibility over him. She was the one who was married.
"This never should have happened," she answered, trying to hide her explosive emotions behind a practiced and democratic tone.
Relena lifted herself up, wrapping the sheets as tightly as she could around her naked body. She squeezed the cotton tightly, as though she would somehow erase the image of her naked skin from his memory by simply covering herself now. She swallowed and turned away, hiding the tears that welled in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said in a hollow voice. "This is not your responsibility."
She could feel him looking at her but she didn't dare meet his gaze.
"This was a mistake," she said softly.
"Yeah," he responded in a quiet voice.
That, somehow, hurt even more.
She looked up at him in surprise, barely more than a silhouette in the darkness, but he had turned away. What had this been to him? Was it just a one-night stand? Was she now just a notch on his belt?
The thought triggered such rage, but she tried to hide it.
She sat back with a plop, drowning in her racing thoughts. She buried her face in her knees. "What am I going to do?" She muttered.
Heero looked at her sidelong, raking his eyes over where the bruises on her ribs were hiding, then turned his face away. "Divorce him," he answered.
Her arms fell into her lap and she glared at him, slack jawed. He had turned to stone, seemingly aware of how she would react to the suggestion.
Relena closed her mouth and ground her teeth, watching him for a long moment. If he dared to turn, she was sure she would haul off and slap him.
Like he deserves.
She turned abruptly and shuffled clumsily off the edge, stomping around the bed.
"You say it like it's so simple," she hissed, only stopping to grab whatever light colored cloth was wrapped around her feet. His shirt? She seized it and stormed into the bathroom. "But what can I expect?" She continued.
His silence seemed to be growing deeper. She knew he was done fighting with her, and somehow that aggravated her still more.
"Remind me only to seek advice on shit like this," she said, gesturing vaguely between herself and him, "from someone who's at least considered a commitment."
His eyes met hers like blue fire, jaw locked in silence.
She met his gaze, specifying her accusation as years of anger filled her voice. " — Never you fucking mind a marriage." With that she slammed the door between them.
After several minutes Heero peeled his eyes from the closed bathroom door to the kitchen and sighed. He stretched his arms over his head, folding them behind him as he leaned back against the wall.
It was still going to be a long night.
His thoughts were halted by the sound of his apartment door shoving open without any warning or announcement.
"Get up," the Chief of Staff called into the darkness as he marched into the kitchen.
He must have programmed the entry to allow himself this invasion from the very beginning, Heero realized with a hint of annoyance but no surprise.
Before his superior could get the lights on, Heero recognized Lucrezia's silhouette behind him, still waiting politely in the doorway. Wincing at the assault of the lights illuminating the kitchen, Heero remained stock still and glared at the leading intruder. His eyes only flitted in Noin's direction for a moment.
She smiled apologetically but he to ignored it.
"That damn woman you put in charge hasn't checked in," Zechs continued, throwing some papers onto the kitchen table with unnecessary force. He droned on about how insubordinate he found her (though they both knew it wouldn't present a problem if they weren't already in the middle of a crisis).
Heero didn't immediately respond, moving slowly off the edge of the bed and ignoring the woman at the door as he walked, naked, to his dresser. Her cheeks flushed and she looked down.
As he was dressing, she noticed a bra discarded at the corner of the kitchen area. Her eyes widened.
"What's worse is that apparently my sister has taken off, again," the Chief growled. "Trowa has lost her."
Heero stopped, leaving the shirt's wrinkles still visible as he moved toward the kitchen. "Is that what Trowa said?" He clarified.
"Apparently," Zechs continued, refusing to look up at him. "He said that she took off."
Heero growled under his breath.
Lucrezia had tried to look up, but the bra piqued her curiosity. Heero was not a messy person, nor did Lydia seem to be. Combining that logic with Heero's state of dress upon their arrival, it stood to reason that the undergarment had been more recently discarded. She let it get the better of her as her eyes wandered the room seeking more clues.
And there it was. The dress. Right by the foot of the bed. She held back a self-satisfied giggle.
Amusement quickly faded when she noticed the sweater that came with the dress.
It was a distinct hue of green.
She blinked. "Zechs?"
He ignored her. "She's obstinate. But with Leland and Juliet missing — now her — there's no way we can ensure her safety."
"Zechs?" She pressed again, drawing the syllable out.
Heero leaned against the wall opposite the Chief, allowing him to go on venting his frustrations.
"We need to find her," he continued. "And then we need to find that girl."
"Jules is missing?" Relena appeared in the bathroom doorway, sounding more than a little concerned. "I thought you said we could trust your Colonel?" She pointed her accusing question at Heero but he refused to look in her direction.
Milliardo, on the other hand, was looking right at her, eyes wide and wondering down her silhouette in open horror. She stood at the edge of the light in naught but a long-sleeved men's shirt, hanging just low enough to touch her thighs. His expression that turned to pure rage when he turned back to Heero.
The General stared back, unfazed by the accusatory glare.
"Where is my daughter?" She asked in a sharper voice.
Noting how still everyone else had become, Lucrezia dove down between Relena and her brother, retrieving a discarded pair of underwear. She handed it to her sister-in-law and turned her back to her, widening her stance in an impotent attempt at blocking his view.
Zechs's face and ears turned crimson as embarrassment and anger overtook him. He turned his face from everyone else in the room.
When Relena's stilled, Lucrezia took that as a sign that she was better (though still barely) covered, and moved slowly forward, offering Relena a seat at the table. Tucking her in adjacent to her brother gave the blonde the decency of at least covering her bare legs as Lucrezia prepared to listen to her husband berate her sister in his most passive-aggressive tone.
"You lost my daughter?" Relena repeated, landing the first accusation.
Noin pressed her lips together to hide the satisfied smile. Relena's priorities were appropriate.
"I didn't," the Martian leader answered. "I am just passing along the fact that the Colonel has not yet checked in."
Relena frowned at Heero. "You gave me your word."
"Perhaps he was distracted," Zechs responded in a faux-defense. "Or it was a conflict of interest."
Heero clenched his jaw.
"All we know is that Prichard hasn't checked in," Lucrezia echoed in clarification, hoping to ease the tension. "It could mean anything. It could mean nothing."
The Chief signed. "She's right. I've sent Trowa ahead to the rendezvous point Yuy suggested. We should hear from him shortly."
An anxious quiet fell over the table. Heero and Relena each looked pointedly away from each other and from Zechs as they waited for the call.
Zechs was not as committed to keeping the peace. It didn't take him long to break the silence. "How long has this been going on?" He asked, gesturing between them with his hand.
Heero growled under his breath as his body posture stiffened, seemingly enraptured by the far corner of the room.
Relena met her brother's gaze. "It hasn't been 'going on'," she answered in a sardonic tone.
He narrowed his eyes on her, pursing his lips before rewording the question. "When did it start?"
Relena glanced at Heero, then looked away and shrugged.
"So it's been happening the whole time?" He pressed.
Heero finally turned and stared hard into his superior's eyes as he spoke, daring him to react. "Yes."
Relena blushed. "We were seventeen," she clarified, looking down into her lap.
"You lied?" Zechs asked Heero accusingly as he glared back with matching intensity.
"I specifically did not," the younger man answered.
The blond turned to his sister, hoping she would be more forthcoming. "Was it serious?"
"No," she answered in a voice that was barely stronger than a whisper.
"Yes," Heero contradicted her.
Both Peacecrafts looked up in surprise, making him immediately regret it. Doubtless they thought he was just goading Zechs — which he would do in this situation — but Heero knew the truth. He glanced up at the refrigerator behind Zechs and thought it over for a moment before decided that he was committed.
It's time.
Relena straightened and watched as he stood and made his way around her to the fridge. He reached into the cabinet above it and pulled out a nondescript paper bag. He looked at the red dust layered paper for a moment and then back at her. She flinched when their eyes met. His were dark and searing with an expression she hadn't seen in years.
Pain?
He threw the bag on the table at such an angle that it slid several inches before stopping directly in front of the Chief of Staff. He picked it up and looked quizzically to Heero, reaching inside. His gaze shot back to Relena as he pulled free the contents, dropping the slip of paper and the small velvet box on the table with thud.
No one needed to look inside the box to know what it held but Relena's curiosity was set on something else. She grabbed the slip of paper and read the receipt.
Crystal Jewels
Brussels, Belgium
Date of transaction: 4/16/202
She covered her mouth with her fingertips. "What?" Her voice came out trembling and weak.
Heero collapsed heavily into the seat to her right and rolled his lower lip between his teeth. He folded his arms and looked away with a lighter posture than moments before, as if a great weight had been lifted from him.
"Then you did lie?" Zechs was not going to let the issue go. "The girl is yours?"
Heero's gaze was ice as he turned it back onto the Chief. "No," he growled at the same moment that Relena said the same.
Chief Wind looked to her.
"No," she repeated, but her eyes were still on the paper. It trembled in her hands. "No. I—
"I don't understand?" She said as her eyes shot to Heero's. "You didn't come back." The accusation came out as a question.
He didn't come back?
Heero sighed, watching his fingers roll together as he rested his wrist on the table. "I don't think we should discuss this further — not here."
"But you didn't come back?" Her voice grew in intensity.
He swallowed and tucked his hands into his lap. "I did," he answered.
The constricting sensation in her throat released when his eyes met hers. A warmth seemed to come from within, but she knew the peace was only momentary.
"Relena, I came back for you."
Her breath felt shallow in her lungs. She knew what he was going to say next but she didn't have the words to halt him. He had come home intent on marrying her. There was one major problem —
"You were pregnant." He cast his eyes away as he said it.
It was her.
Years she was angry he had abandoned her. Years she told herself that he stepped out of their relationship without so much as a goodbye. He had broken her. He had broken them.
But it was her.
She passively noted that she couldn't feel her cheeks. The blood must have drained from her face.
"I'm not —" He hesitated, looking down with furrowed brows. "I shouldn't be mad." He took a deep breath and looked to the far side of the room. "We didn't have an agreement, and I shouldn't—" He stopped talking as if he'd run out of the energy to put it into words.
Relena couldn't peel her eyes away from him, but he was still looking pointedly away from her, shoulders dropped and head low.
She looked down at her hands and pulled the cuffs of the shirt past her wrists.
His shirt.
The deep, confusing sadness began to wane as a question nagged at her mind. She wanted him to come back, if only to apologize — to explain. She did everything she could to keep that option on the table for as long as she could. They didn't announce Juliet until —
"She was a secret." Relena looked back to him. "We told no one."
He looked back at her, stock still.
She began to become animated again. "No one," she repeated. "So how did you find out?"
His eyes narrowed as he let out a slow breath. "There was a minor car collision in Dallas, in which you were involved." He leaned back, spreading his shoulder as he pressed at the back of the chair. "Your accident was three weeks before I got back. I went over the papers when I returned."
The Chief's comm device beeped. He reticently answered, turning away.
Relena sat erect, realizing what he said. "You went through my medical records?" Her voice suddenly held an unusual hint of shrillness.
"Yes," he answered in an intentionally slow tone that seemed to imply that it was the obvious choice.
She sighed, feeling less shocked and more irritated. "You went through my medical records."
He recognized the anger in her voice. He sat up to face her. "I have always done my homework when it comes to protecting you. I saw your medical records." He leaned on his elbows, folding his arms in front of him. "I saw your medical records last week, as well. The Colonel also looked at them. Do you want to complain about that?"
"That's different," she hissed. "We were sleeping together."
"So I should not see your medical records when the contents affect me?" Despite the obvious mocking in the response, his voice remained cool and emotionless.
That may have irritated her more than the comment itself. "It was invasive."
"I had to know you weren't injured."
"You," she responded, raising her eyebrows in accusation, "are a control freak."
He leaned forward, staring hard into her eyes where she saw the flint in his expression turn to a fiery rage. "Are you sure I'm the one you should be accusing of being controlling?" He raked his eyes down her arms to where her wrists met, obscured by the cuffs of the over-sized shirt, then moved his hand close, tapping hard on the table an inch from their conjunction. His gaze shot back to hers. "Seems a little hypocritical," he commented accusingly.
"Don't you dare," she hissed, leaping to her feet and clenching her fists at her sides. Her chair tipped back under the force of her movement, clattering to the floor behind her. Her eyes were piercing into his like daggers. "You," she went on, "are in no position to judge me."
She turned on her heel and stormed out the door, still barely clothed.
"Right," Zechs said sharply to remind the others that he was on the line with Trowa. Heero turned and listened.
Lucrezia gave him a meaningful look as she grabbed Heero's coat from the counter top in front of her and turned to leave. "I'll go after her," she said.
Heero relaxed visibly as the door closed behind her. He looked down at the table with an expression of regret but the Chief's voice brought his attention back to the mission at hand.
"What do you mean there's more than one body?"
A/N: Every time I think about the relationship in this fic, I think about Zapenstaps's "Heero's Proposal". Z wrote, "I could never, for the rest of my life, do anything but make love to you…" (I won't tell you the rest; you have to go read it.) That line makes me want to write fanfiction, and it always has. I do this because Zapenstap wrote that.
