Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing

Author's note: Still working on Three and Amends. Another fresh oneshot is out, Drawn. Oneshot coming; Sucré. Even started a Christmas fic, God willing. We shall see. Also, I've been asked to move copies over to AO3 for access. I'm in the process of doing that. This is still an easier interface for me, but I'm trying to make the work more accessible.


Non-Con and Domestic Violence judgments TRIGGER WARNINGS on this one.

("Judgments" — how some people think of DV that are not actively compromised by it, IYKWIM.)

Read at your own risk, or skip it if needs be.

Please prioritize your health.

In related news, if you're struggling with an SA issue, know that you can call 800 656 4673; and for DV help call 800 799 "SAFE".

You don't have to go it alone.

And, to be clear, I'm not judging you. I've been on both sides of each of these issues. Life's not that simple. I get it.

But do call for help. You're worth it.


Relena had just begun to shiver when her sister-in-law draped Heero's jacket over her shoulders. "I'm probably overreacting," she said.

The taller woman took a step back and straightened, folding her hands close to her heart. "I don't know," she answered. "Heero can be — unorthodox. I don't envy you trying to manage that in a relationship."

"'Unorthodox,'" Relena repeated with a quiet scoff. That's one way to put it. And, to be fair, discovering he had known about her condition gave her a sense that he took away her choices. He took away her control over her own destiny. "I just wanted to talk to him about it. Maybe —"

Her voice trailed off. She didn't really believe that he would have stayed, even if she had a chance to speak her piece. "It wouldn't matter," she told herself aloud.

She stepped out to the edge of the roof and turned on her heel to face her sister, slumping as she leaned back against the ledge. "Heero and I had been seeing each other for a while," she confessed. Her face glowed with a girlish blush as she looked down at her feet. "I was nice." She sensed her sister-in-law's eyes on her. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you how in love with him I was," she shrugged.

Lucrezia smiled in kind.

Relena sighed deeply and went on. "Heero had been gone for months," she explained. "And there was a fundraiser. You know the scene; champagne, dancing, politics." She hugged the coat tighter around her as she looked off into the night. "There was a boy in the office — a man, really. He was older. He was sweet. He liked me. And, if I'm being honest, I didn't really mind the attention. I remember teasing him about it." She dropped her head. "I tried to tell him — I explained about Heero. I told him I wasn't interested but I —" Her voice dimmed and she shrugged. "I don't really remember much after talking about Heero. I remember thinking how much Heero wouldn't have approved of my mentioning him." She shook her head and bit her lip. "And then I remember waking up."

Then Relena cleared her throat. Folding her arms, she leaned back and peered up through the dome above them into space. She rolled her eyes. "Until Juliet, I — I honestly just thought it had all been a bad dream." She met her sister's gaze, again, giving an open, vague gesture as she pressed her lips together. "And that's how I lost him," she said, voice cracking with regret. Her eyes fell away, tears breaking free as she heaved another breath. "I don't even remember that night."

Lucrezia looked at her wide-eyed for several moments before turning away to collect her thoughts. "Relena," she said softly.

"It's fine," the blonde answered, cutting her off. She gently raised her hand over her brow, as if swatting a thought out of her space. "These things happen all the time. I've made my choices, and I clearly chose to drink too much."

There was a pause. "No," the taller woman said slowly, eyeing her sidelong. "No, Relena. You didn't get to make very many choices here, at all."

When Relena's eyes met hers, her cheeks flushed partway. She pursed her lips cynically. "I drank too much," she reiterated. "That was a choice."

"That may be," her sister retorted, "but alcohol didn't get you pregnant, Relena."

"That's debatable," the blonde mumbled.

"You told him you weren't interested?"

"Yes," Relena responded in an annoyed voice. "I told him I was seeing someone and that Heero —"

Noin interrupted in a burst with a tone that grew firm and confrontational. "It is not how you're remembering it, then," she said as her voice sharpened to a hiss. "Alcohol doesn't cause rape, Relena. Skimpy clothes don't cause rape, Relena. Parties don't cause rape, Relena."

Relena's breath caught as she looked to her sister horrified.

"Rapists cause rape, Relena."

The diplomat gaped at her. There must be a misunderstanding. "No —," she tried to explain. "I —"

"You said no."

"But —"

"You said no," her sister pressed.

"But Lucrezia —"

The taller woman shook her head and folded her arms. "You're right. It happens all the time. You clearly withheld consent, but because you were drinking and unable to protect yourself you woke up pregnant."

Relena stepped forward. "I don't accept that," she said sharply.

Noin's face softened as she looked at her. "I understand it's hard. You're strong and you don't deserve this, but I've been there and you can't keep blaming yourself when someone else took your choices away."

Relena tightened her fists, refusing to yield. "I can't," she said harshly.

"Why are you defending him?" Lucrezia was as surprised as Relena when she heard herself nearly shouting in frustration. She covered her mouth a moment and took half a step back to regroup. She sighed and tried to respond to her baby sister's defenses more calmly. "Just give me his name and I'll deal with it," she said softly.

"I can't," Relena repeated again. She saw the taller woman fighting her own anger and her face softened. "I can't do that to Juliet," she elaborated.

The older woman shook her head. "She doesn't have to know about this," she argued.

Relena nodded. "But she will."

They stood there silent a moment, letting their hearts rest from the debate.

Lucrezia broke the silence. "I don't understand," she said. "Trust me?"

Relena heaved a heavy sigh, letting her shoulders drop. Her next breath was saturated with Heero's scent, which had completely engulfed her through the coat she wore. The smell that had once brought her comfort only served to make her feel more foolish and ashamed.

She swallowed and touched her face, fighting back the tears in her eyes. "Heero —" She paused. His name suddenly felt wrong on her lips. This wasn't his choice, after all. So why was she still so angry at him?

She licked her lips, starting again. "When Heero didn't come back, I got it in my head that —" She closed her eyes, letting the tears break free. "I had so loved my father," she explained. "I got it in my head that it wouldn't be fair to her not to have a father to —"

Her eyes met Lucrezia's and all she could do was shake her head.

"You married him?"

She nodded and looked away in shame.

Lucrezia stood tall and folded her arms, looking over the city opposite the direction Relena had turned. After a few moments she spoke. "Well, then I might as well just go ahead and say what we've been thinking. I'll only say it once because I promised my husband not to fight with you about the issue."

Relena looked at the gravel on the rooftop, knowing she needed to hear her family's judgement, though she knew they didn't have all the facts.

"Neither of us can prove it," Lucrezia continued. "But we know something's not right with that man." She turned her eyes on the blonde. "He's toxic. He's toxic to you and he's toxic to her. He's tried to seduce us but I don't buy it and neither does Zechs." She huffed and turned back to the night. "Now my husband said not to bother you with it, but as long as we're already in the middle of this conversation, I need you to know that I'm onto him, and if and when you choose to leave him, we will support you one hundred percent." She glanced back at her through the corner of her eye. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Relena continued to look away, only wiping her face and swallowing silently in response.

Meanwhile, Heero bit his tongue, leaning undetected against the door frame. He had grabbed a pair of pyjama pants and followed the ladies to the rooftop as soon as Zechs relayed the news that they needed to meet Trowa at the morgue. He was mere paces behind Lucrezia and, by proximity, heard the entire conversation. He knew he should have announced himself, but curiosity got the better of him. Now he was trapped, each moment heaping more guilt upon him, but unsure of where to step in and interrupt.

This was as good a moment as any.

He took a steeling breath and shook off the huge, complex feelings Relena's exposition had dredged up. He flung the door loudly aside to announce himself when he stepped out of the stairwell. "Trowa's sent for us," he said, tossing the slacks in Relena's direction without ever raising his eyes to look at her. "Apparently there's been a development."

He turned his back and waited at the door as she put on the clothes and moved to the stairs. Lucrezia followed behind her and Heero took up the rear as they made their way down to the ground level, where Zechs awaited them in a car. Relena climbed in first, looking pensively out the window as Heero crawled in opposite her, leaning back to elongate the small space between them.

Zechs turned back to face his sister as his wife climbed into the front passenger seat at his side. "Barton went to the rendezvous point Yuy gave us and he's saying that there was a fatal incident before they arrived. More than that, the cadaver dog alerted them to three bodies, instead of one. He's asked us to meet him at the morgue to review the evidence they found on those bodies."

He touched her shoulder when she didn't acknowledge him. She raised her fingers to his in response.

"That's all the information I have," he told her.

"Has anyone heard from the Colonel?" Relena asked.

He shook his head. "Not from what I've gathered, but for all we know she may be one of the bodies we're going to see." He stole a quick glance at Heero, whose face was set in stone. "Relena," he added as he turned his eyes back to her. "You have to understand that one of them may be the Colonel or one of them may be Leland Marks. Are you prepared for that?"

Relena held his gaze, sensing how still her sister-in-law's posture had become, as if to compete with Heero's. She swallowed and nodded so her brother would turn away from her and drive the car to their newest destination, then she leaned away again and pressed her forehead to the window.

She watched the buildings as they flew past in the enclosed transport, observing her own thoughts and emotions as they came. She remembered Lucrezia's barely veiled threat to kill whomever had fathered her daughter, and wondered how relieved everyone else would be to find Leland lying cold on a slab in Trowa's care. A darker side to the same reality was how much easier it would be for her if the terrorist had finished her husband off. There would be no scandal, no complicated explanations to her daughter, and no new broadcasts of her illicit affair with a Gundam Pilot, of all people.

Her lips parted as she allowed herself to feel guilty for the thought.

She went back to her argument with her sister-in-law moments before and how strongly the elder woman had held to her interpretation of the events Relena relayed. Relena did remember clarifying her position on his interests, that night, but she still couldn't imagine interpreting what had happened nearly as strongly as Lucrezia did.

Not Leland. He was just enamored. That's understandable, right?

And then she thought of it from her sister's point of view. Had this happened to Lucrezia? Surely it would be black and white to her. Then why was she making exceptions for something she had experienced herself? Why did she make so many exceptions for him?

It seemed like small things at first. But that was so long ago.

She looked down at her hands and pulled the hem of Heero's jacket a little further past her bruised wrists.

It was that movement that caught Heero's eye, breaking his practiced focus on the seat in front of her. From the moment he announced himself on the rooftop until this, he had intentionally avoided letting his eyes wander to her. There were many reasons to avoid looking directly at her, now, having just seen her naked an hour earlier, and now knowing the truth about her perceived unfaithfulness toward him.

He swallowed, letting himself focus on her hand, noting the self-soothing gesture, then wandering down her legs and back up to her face. She looked differently now than she had before, as he feared she might. She seemed suddenly stronger and frailer at the same time, and yet the sight of her made him more angry.

Of course he was angry at Leland, but he was surprised to find how much anger he felt toward her.

It occurred to him that he stood there, listening to her defend and excuse her husband's behavior for five minutes, knowing how badly the man had been beating her. What would make her do such a thing?

Did she have no self-respect? If so, how did that man take it from her?

And how could she possibly tell herself that her choice to keep things quiet was protecting Juliet? That child was in harm's way every day because Relena refused to make a choice.

What the hell is she waiting for?

He exhaled so heavily as he turned away that she looked to him in surprise. By then he was a statue, again, waiting for the car to come to a stop.

It was only a few more minutes before it did. He and her brother led her into a concrete structure with small windows. Relena followed them down a stairwell near the door into the underground hallways. After a few minutes she saw a light ahead pouring into the hallway from a long horizontal window. Her brother and sister-in-law walked in ahead of her, but she faltered.

"Heero," she called softly as she saw him reaching for the closed door.

He stopped.

"We should talk."