Wow I didn't expect such a nice reception, thanks. I wanna point out that I will NOT use stories that people have written, these will all be made up stories. I'm not going to bash and criticize people's hard work. Besides I don't want a wall of flames.
Fanfiction Trauma
Sorry for not updating, it just took a bit since I was working on my other story A Lack of Color.
Chapter 2: Horrible Grammar
"Hey boy genius I came as fast—" Garcia failed to complete her sentence as Reid had dragged her inside.
"Thank goodness you're here." Reid said. "Have you noticed anything strange with your computer?"
"Huh, no, I keep my babies in pristine condition."
"Then, it's only mines." Reid murmured to himself eliciting a confused look from his friend.
"You're scaring me sugar."
"Sorry I didn't mean to but the truth is that I'm a bit on the edge right now."
"Oooh and just what sort of guilty pleasure puts my boy on edge?" Garcia squealed.
"Just come and check my laptop as that is the offender."
That served to deflate her bubbly mood. "You're such a bore." Nonetheless Garcia followed him towards his room. She noted that Reid had walked in front of her, as if he were protecting her. "Um are you sure everything is alright?"
"Honestly I don't even know anymore." Reid answered as he beckoned his laptop. "Please get rid of the virus."
"So some snake out there really did infect my baby's laptop with a virus," Garcia started with a frown. "Don't you worry Reid, I'll track it down and send it back to that slimeball a thousand fold."
Reid smiled lightly in the midst of it all. "Thanks Garcia." He knew she was the right person to have called. He hovered over Garcia as she took a seat on his computer chair. "Be careful."
At this Garcia gave him a pointed look. "Relax sweetpea, it's just a virus. It won't sprout legs and attack us."
Somehow Reid wasn't convinced.
She flipped it up and the screen lit up. Not taking any notice to the website Garcia minimized everything and began her magic. It didn't take long for her to diagnose the device. What she found —or better yet didn't find— made her frown.
"Well?" Reid asked.
Garcia wheeled the chair around to face him and sighed. "Look Reid, if you wanted to spend time with me you know all you had to do was ask."
In response he furrowed his brows. "I'm not following."
"I'm saying that you don't have to make excuses up as a way to get me to come over."
"I wasn't making excuses my laptop—"
"Is completely fine," she cut him off. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It has a clean bill of gigabytes."
"That's impossible." Reid protested. "Did you see what I found in it? Check."
"Fine, but after I tell you that everything is okay we are going to have fun." Garcia said and she opened his internet tab back. "Fanfiction? What's that?" She said and faced him again.
"It's this site where anyone can make up their own stories based on multiple categories. It's pretty interesting, there's a section for books, movies, anime, and—" he trailed off when she gave him a blank stare. "Oh um, I'm rambling aren't I?"
"Yes, you are."
"What I wanted to say was that I was checking the website out when I stumbled onto something very unsettling. That's when I slammed my laptop shut and called you. See for yourself what I mean."
"Oh right, where was I?" Garcia said as she resumed her investigating. She scanned the screen and froze.
Reid did not miss her horrified expression. "I told you, it's weird."
"I-I... I saw our names. Why did I see our names?" Garcia fumbled for words. She turned to Reid as a dawning realization sunk in. "Wait so this thing has stories... on us, right?"
"I'm assuming so, why?" He asked, confused by her amused look.
"So let's check them out."
"What?! No way!"
"Don't be a chicken Reid, aren't you the least bit curious as to what the stories that involve us are about?"
"No! That's not even close to what I'm feeling!"
"C'mon just one, and then that's it." Garcia said and didn't give him any more chance to protest as she clicked on the top story. "Found one, now I'll read so just sit back.
Reid sighed in defeat. "I'll be in the kitchen so—"
Garcia quickly grabbed his wrist before he made his exit. "Oh no you do not. You're staying." She smirked when he stood by her side and then returned to reading the story, making sure to cough dramatically before reading.
A Tale of a Good Story
Reid raised a brow. "Is that really the title?"
"Kind of a boring one if you ask me." Garcia added. "The title is usually what draws me in."
"Well you picked it, so go on."
By EveryoneISBeneathME
Garcia frowned. "Someone is pretty full of themselves."
"Hmm, judging from the way the name is written, with capitalization, I'd say that it's most certainly a preteen. Not necessarily a narcissist but shows signs of a possible transformation in the future."
"Geez we're off duty and all but you look like you never truly are off duty."
Summary: Yeah I suk at summarys so I didn't rite squat. Just take ten minutes out ur boring life N read it. Trust me it's good.
Garcia scoffed. "Definitely a kid, do you see the rudeness?"
"I don't know for sure if it's a girl or a boy but I'm leaning towards a boy, the tone shows a sense of superiority. Also this adds to my previous hypothesis that he may undergo a later transformation when he matures." Reid added.
"Matures? I don't think he's in danger of that."
The BAU wuz pretty silent today. The team was doing their paperwork n stuff.
"He's speaking in cellphone, further adds to—"
"I get it Reid, cut it out already. You make me feel like I'm still at work."
It wuz so far a typical day 4 dem. When an unsub popped in outta nowhere.
"Highly unlikely, our building is extremely guarded with trained officials on constant watch." Reid said. "An unsub wouldn't be able to simply walk in."
He had a black ski mask and was wearin all black clothes.
"I'm here 4 Hatchner!" The unsub sed.
"Hah, Hatchner." Garcia laughed. "I don't know why but that sounded funny."
The crew all turned around n took out der guns. Attached to da unsub was a hostage.
"He has JJ!" Emily sed.
"Oh no not JJ!" Garcia said with actual concern.
"Do you not find this even a bit weird?"
"Of course I do, but I find it much more interesting. I wonder when yours truly is going to make her divine entrance."
"Until u give me Hatch I won't stop!"
"We have to do what he says." Emily sed.
"Yeah, we don't have another choice." Morgan sed.
"Oooh look, there goes my hot stud." Garcia cheered.
"How are you excited? I'm totally freaked out." Reid exclaimed.
"Dis is bad guys." Reid sed.
"Aaahh!" Reid yelped and he stumbled backwards.
Oblivious to the reason for his outburst Garcia gave him a raised brow. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong? What's wrong? My name has just been used in some weird website without my permission or prior knowledge!"
Garcia shrugged and brushed him off. "Relax, this is getting exciting."
"Drop ur guns or I kill her!" The unsub sed.
"Damn" Morgan sed and dey placed der weapons on da ground.
Hatch stared thru the konference room and noticed the comotion. An unsub had JJ kaptive and had a gun pointed to his team. He had not noticed till now wat was going on.
"Wait there's a psychotic unsub shouting and holding JJ captive and Hotch just notices? Reid asked incredulously. "That isn't the Hotch I know."
"You know on second thought I change my mind, I don't wanna make a cameo."
"Stop right there!" Hatch finally made his entrance.
"So u finally show up Hatch!" The unsub said.
"Hey lookie, he finally wrote 'said'." Garcia pointed out.
"Release JJ now! Who r u and wat do u want?" Hotch sed.
"Nope, it's back to 'sed' I guess that previous one was just a typo."
"Actually, technically it wasn't a typo that's what you're supposed to write."
Garcia facepalmed. "Missing the joke as always."
The unsub laughed. "Haha! Don't u recognize me Hatch?"
"That's odd." Reid murmured.
"What is?"
"He spelled 'recognize' right, I was expecting him to misspell it."
Garcia shrugged. "Maybe he isn't that bad at spelling, maybe he's just lazy."
"Wow, I can't believe I didn't think of that." Reid replied, actually baffled by the knowledge of that realization.
"Who r u?" Emily sed.
The unsub took of his mask and da team gasped. It was the unsub they had stopped in California.
"Who?" Garcia questioned. "Reid do you know who he's talking about?"
"Hard to say, throughout our careers we've entered the California state on more than one occasion. They need to be more specific."
"Somehow I don't see that happening."
"It's you!" Morgan sed.
"We need to do something guys." Emily sed.
"Yeah I will think of something." Reid sed.
"Aaahhh!"
Garcia frowned. "Okay seriously are you gonna scream every time your name is included."
"No! ...Maybe."
The unsub pointed to Hatch wit his gun. "I want you to drop ur gun now!"
"You don't come here and tell us what to do! Let JJ go!"
"If u listen to me then I will, u don't and she's dead."
"Hey Garcia, is JJ gagged in the story or does she have tape around her mouth?"
"I don't think so, why do you ask?"
"Well because I haven't heard one line from her."
"Huh, now that you mention it neither have I." Garcia said. She placed her hand to her chin in a pensive manner. "I think this kid was bored one day and wrote this half-baked story to kill said boredom."
"It could be, I'll extrapolate theories as we go on."
"Don't bother handsome, nothing about this makes sense. Let's not hurt ourselves by treading into dangerous waters."
Hatch was mad but placed his gun on da ground. He did not wanna get any1 hurt.
"Good boy. This BAU building is now mine!"
"This is a takeover." Morgan sed angrily.
"Okay this is totally dumb, what are the odds that some random guy could just buzz inside our building and declare himself as king?" Garcia said as she shot her arms up dramatically.
"Statistically speaking it's about—"
"It was a rhetorical question Reid!"
The unsub had no idea dat Hatch had a secret plan under his sleeve. So wen the unsub turned around he had not seen it coming. He was so sure dat everyone had dropped der guns dat he didn't know about Hatch's second gun so he released JJ.
Hatch pulled the gun out from under his leg and shot da unsub right in his head.
"Since the unsub no longer had JJ captive and had his back to Hotch then Hotch wouldn't go for the kill shot just like that." Reid stated with a slightly annoyed tone. "He'd subdue him with a flesh wound and the other numerous agents in the building would rush forward."
"Maybe Hotch wouldn't, but 'Hatch' would," Garcia joked. She sighed at his blank look." It was a joke."
"Oh! Good joke."
"Good job!" Emily sed.
"Yeah." Morgan sed.
JJ gave Hatch a hug. "Thanks I thought I was a goner.
"Finally she speaks." Garcia exclaimed.
"I'm just glad we're all okay." Hatch sed.
"Let's all get a drink." Reid sed.
"Aaa—" Garcia covered his mouth with her hands and successfully silenced Reid.
And so dey went off 4 a drink and everything was all good.
The end.
"Well that was lame." Garcia complained as she regarded the story with a glare. "I wasn't even in the story."
"Neither was Rossi or Blake." Reid soothed.
"It still sucks." She whined.
Reid on the other hand was relieved. "You got your fill now, so let's forget this day and get our heads examined."
She wheeled around to him. "What, are you kidding me? I am far from done."
Reid narrowed his eyes when he saw her dialing someone. "Garcia who are you calling?"
"Who do you think?"
Reid paled. "Please tell me it's not—"
"Hey babygirl," Morgan answered from the other line.
"I need you to come over to Reid's house. I gotta show you something that'll blow your mind."
"I like where this is going, but why Reid's house?"
"Long story, I'll explain it when you're here." Garcia assured him. "Oh and it is also of vital importance that you buy popcorn on your way here, lots of popcorn."
"Alright I'm on my way."
With a 'click' the call came to an end.
Reid sighed. "But you said we'd only read one story, no fair."
Author's Notes
On a side note, I absolutely have no problems with any of the pairings placed in this fandom, nor do I dislike any of the characters. This isn't directed at anyone at all I guarantee you that. It's just a parody meant to show the troll stories on this site.
