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Fanfiction Trauma
Chapter 3: Project Mary Sue
Reid and Garcia tore their gaze from the screen when the doorbell rang.
"That must be Morgan!" Garcia cheered. "I'll let him in."
"Wait Garcia!" Reid halted her by grabbing her wrist. "Are you just going to leave me here with this evil laptop?"
"Reid it's just a laptop it isn't possessed or anything like that, relax." Garcia assured him.
He eyed her with an unconvinced look.
She sighed and took his hand. "Fine." The two headed to the door and opened it to reveal Derek Morgan with a bag in his hand.
"Yo," he greeted. "I came as fast as I could." He stared at Reid's unnerved posture. "Jesus, pretty boy you look like you've seen a ghost."
"Don't mind him, he's just a bit shaken up by what's been going on." Garcia said.
Morgan raised a curious brow as he was let inside. "And what is going on? You promised me a show babygirl, I'm waiting."
"Did you buy the popcorn?" She asked and he confirmed it by holding the bag up. "Okay, Reid make it while I get Derek up to speed."
But Reid showed no signs of releasing his hold; he held a firm grip even as she tried wiggling her hand out.
Garcia sighed. "For goodness sake. Alright we'll make the popcorn first then get my prince charming up to speed. Does that sound better?"
Reid nodded.
... ... …. …. ... ... ... …. …. ... ... ... ….
Now back in the room with popcorn in her hand Garcia began to speak. "Okay this may be tough to ingest but bear with me. Question one, are you familiar with Fanfiction dot net?
Morgan frowned. "Okay please tell me I did not cut my Saturday off to come here just so we can talk about some nerd site."
Garcia crossed her arms in a huff. "Hey don't insult the wonders of cyberspace. Anyway, I'll take your snippy answer as a 'no'. This site is a place for anyone to post up fanmade stories on several fandoms, or to your ignorant mind, categories."
"Hey," Morgan interjected. "I know what fandom means. Now what I don't know is this Fanfiction. I've never heard of it."
"Well like I said it's about posting stories. This is where it gets interesting, there's a section that has all our names on it."
"Come again?" Was all Morgan could say. He was beginning to understand Reid's discomfort.
"Creepy huh?" Reid said.
"Very." Morgan replied. "So how exactly does it work?"
"I think a demonstration is in order." Garcia exclaimed ecstatically. She beckoned the computer chair. "Have a seat my love."
Morgan sat down warily as she motioned the screen. His eyes scanned it for a moment before he jolted from the chair. "Holy shit what is that?"
"That, my fine sculpture of manliness, would be our section. Cool huh?"
Morgan shot her an incredulous look. "Cool? That's what you're thinking? Babygirl I am completely freaked out here." Then out of nowhere his interest piqued.
"That makes two of us." Reid added.
"I wanna read one." Morgan suddenly said.
"You do?" Reid replied in disbelief. "You just told us approximately eleven seconds ago that it freaked you out."
"It did, initially, but now I'm a bit curious to see what people have written about us."
"Yes!" Garcia cheered. "I knew you wouldn't disappointment me."
"Oh brother..." Reid murmured as Morgan scanned the stories. "You'll regret this; don't say I didn't warn you."
Morgan was too absorbed in his newfound discovery that he barely registered the kid's words. "How bout' this one?"
"What's it say?" The tech asked.
A New Member
By AgentPrettylicious
"Look at the bright side Reid, this title isn't as bad as the one I read." Garcia soothed the still unnerved profiler.
"Yeah I suppose, maybe this time it won't be so bad either."
Morgan paused to face them. "You guys read one already?"
"Yeah," Garcia nodded. "And let me tell you, for lack of a better word, it sucked."
"Ouch." Morgan replied before continuing.
Summary: Reid—
"Aaahh!"
"The hell Reid?" Morgan winced as he rubbed his ear.
"Oh crap I forgot to mention Reid's yelling reflex at the mention of his name." Garcia said.
"Yeah you definitely should've warned me." Morgan replied. He of all people knew just how irritating his yelling could be. After all he had his experience with a hacked phone and MP3 player to prove it.
is about to meet his match when a new agent joins the FBI.
"This sounds interesting." Morgan said.
"I beg to differ." Reid mumbled.
Join our new agent as she faces obstacles in her new life.
"No, now it's getting interesting." Garcia said.
The team was in the bullpen. It had been a week since JJ was gone and they really needed a new team member to fill her spot.
Morgan frowned. "How do these people know that JJ left the team before?"
"I warned you." Reid repeated.
Rossi had told them that Hotch—
"Oh look Reid, at least this author spelled Hotch's name right."
"That's good." He chuckled lightly.
Morgan was clueless to their joke.
had went to take care of it. They were expecting his return any moment now. Hotch had told Rossi that he knew who to give the open position to.
"Wait up," Morgan interrupted. "I'm a bit confused here. It's obvious that the girl they're referring to is Seaver, right?"
"It has to be, we all know she was the one who filled in for JJ when she left for the Pentagon." Reid added.
"Then why does it say that Hotch went to get her? First of all it was Rossi who went to get her and second of all she didn't get the job right off the bat, yet here it says that she did."
"You're right I do find that odd."
Garcia sighed. What part of fanmade fictional stories did they not understand?
Finally Hotch arrived with the new agent by his side. "Team, I would like you to meet our new member, Emeraldina Beautyla." He said with a big smile.
"Whoa that ain't Seaver." Morgan said.
"What the hell is up with that name?" Garcia exclaimed with a raised brow.
"Wow, Hotch smiled," Reid pointed out getting a blank look from his friends.
"Really kid, that's what got your attention?" Morgan replied.
"Who in the world calls their kid Emeraldina Beautyla?" Garcia said actually hoping someone could answer her, because she really wanted to know.
Instantly Morgan, Rossi, and Reid's—
"Aaahh!"
"Damn it Reid," Morgan groaned. "Do we have to tape your mouth shut?"
"Sorry, sorry, I can't help it." He apologized.
jaws dropped to the floor at the sight. There in front of them was the prettiest girl they'd laid their eyes on.
"Whoa, I don't do the whole 'jaw drop' thing." Morgan stated. "That's Reid's department."
"Oh ahaha very funny." Reid sarcastically said.
She had a perfect hourglass body with perfect curves. Her hair was a nice gold color that shined with the rays of the sunlight. Her legs were smooth and toned and went on for miles.
"What's up with this exaggeration?" Morgan exclaimed with disgust.
"This is so ridiculous." Garcia added. "Did this author even see what she wrote?"
"Hmm..." Reid murmured. "Judging from the username, the character's name, our reactions in the story, and the extreme exaggeration on her description, I'd say the author is a young teenager with some confidence problems."
"Reid I know you did not just profile the kid who wrote this," Morgan said dryly. "I think you need a day off."
"Correction Morgan, I did get a day off. Look where that got me."
"Touché"
She wore a hawt tight purple shirt that showed off her stunning chest and tight blue jeans that showed off her legs.
Garcia rolled her eyes at the stupidity. "So is she entering the BAU or competing to win the Miss America contest?" Her comment earned some laughs.
"Hi." Emeraldina said, winking at Reid.
"Aaahh!"
"Seriously Reid, all of our names are there." Morgan said. "Quit spazzing out when your name gets mentioned."
"I didn't yell because of that I yelled because she's winking at me. Why is she winking at me?"
The men were still speechless.
Garcia gagged. "You guys act as if you've never seen a hot girl before."
"This is the part where you introduce yourselves." Hotch said.
"Oh sorry, I'm David Rossi." Rossi said and he placed a kiss on her hand.
"Derek Morgan." Morgan said trying to control his butterflies.
Morgan frowned at his portrayal. "What am I an eight year old?"
Reid—
Garcia already had a hand clamped to Reid's mouth to prevent the shouting.
nervously raised his hand. "H-Hi I'm Spencer, I mean I'm d-d-d-doctor S-S-Spencer—
"Man you sound like you're getting a seizure." Morgan joked.
"Shut up." Reid replied.
I mean I'm Reid."
"He's Doctor Spencer Reid." Hotch finished for him. "He'll be assigned with showing you around and your desk will be next to his."
"I look forward to that." Emeraldina said as she fluttered her eyes hawtly.
"There's a reason why this type of thing is frowned upon." Reid said not liking where this story was going.
Over the next few days the two had gotten very close. Everyone in the building loved her but the other girl agents were super jealous of her beauty. It made her feel terrible since she didn't ask to be so perfect.
"Must be such a tragedy." Garcia spat, irritated by the story.
"So she writes that everyone loved her but then says that the girls didn't, don't girls fall under the 'everyone' category?" Morgan said.
"Yeah it's a contradiction." Reid replied
Emeraldina went to get a coffee where she found her friend and partner. "Hi Reid—
Again Reid's yell was muffled by Garcia.
can we talk?"
"S-S-Sure."
"Do you think I fit here in the BHU?"
Garcia raised a brow. "BHU?"
"Of course!"
"The people here mess a lot with me. Maybe I should quit."
Morgan rubbed his aching temples. "This is exactly why I only read Vonnegut books. For God's sake she makes the BAU sound like a damn high school."
"Why would they mess with you, you're perfect!"
"Impossible," Reid stated. "No one is perfect."
"You're so sweet."
"Emeraldina I have to tell you something."
She blushed. "What is it?"
"Please no..." Reid muttered as he attempted to stop the inevitable.
Morgan and Garcia were snickering at the events that were about to take place.
"I love you!"
"I've known her for a few days and I'm in love with her, that makes no sense." Reid said slightly annoyed.
"I love you too!" Emeraldina said and she pulled him into a kiss. They began making out right there.
"Well someone sure moves quickly." Garcia joked.
"This makes no sense at all; I wouldn't ignore the strict policies like that." Reid stated getting even more irritated. "And since when do I make out with people right inside the building while on duty?"
"Relax kid, clearly this was written by someone who doesn't know anything about protocols." Morgan said as he nudged him.
Afterwards the days began getting more better. People still were jealous but she just flipped them off with the finger.
"What is this girl five?" Garcia said exasperatedly.
With the love of her life she didn't need anyone else. They could get shot for all she cared.
"Wow I would love to be her partner." Morgan muttered sarcastically.
So long as she had him she knew she would be able to make it.
The End
"Man that was... they need a bit more practice." Morgan said trying to phrase it delicately.
"It sucked Derek, plain and simple." Garcia replied. "The sad thing is that as bad as it was it was still a lot better than the one we read."
"So are we done?" Reid asked.
"Like hell, I wanna hear what Rossi has to say about this." Morgan replied already dialing the older profiler.
"Yeah, what is it Morgan?" Rossi said at the other end.
"Hey, you think you can come over to Reid's house?"
"What for?"
"I— or better yet, we have to show you something important."
"Now Derek you know I love you and Reid but it's kind of my bedtime now. Can it wait?"
"C'mon man it's like past one already, get your butt over here."
"Fine," he grumbled. "It better be worthwhile."
Morgan chuckled. "Trust me Rossi, it will."
Author's Notes
Poor Reid is having a home invasion. What mayhem will Rossi encounter?
