As always I appreciate the feedback, it's kindly welcomed.
Fanfiction Trauma
To clear any confusion that I unintentionally created with my previous attempt to stop confusion, I wanna point out that Emily will most definitely be appearing. She's like my favorite character.
Chapter 5: Badly Written Case Fic
Garcia stood with her arms crossed as Morgan was fishing for a story. "Okay since you guys wanna be such joy killers I propose we make some rules here. And it just so happens that I got the perfect batch."
"Rules? But we're in my house why are you making the rules?" Reid asked.
"I think we should listen to what Penelope has to say." Rossi suggested.
"Thank you Rossi." She replied before nudging Morgan. "Derek stop for a second and pay attention."
"Oh my bad," he wheeled the chair to face the group. "What's this about rules now?"
"I have devised a set of rules for you to follow my minions. Rule number one: once you've picked a story there's no going back and trying to switch it."
"What?!" Morgan was quick to protest.
"No exceptions, not even you my sweet. Now, moving on. Rule number two: there will be no skipping once a story is chosen; you must read it to the end."
"Objection!" Morgan protested again.
"Overruled." Garcia countered. "I'm judge and jury here so sit your butt down and find a story."
"Fine." He sighed in defeat and resumed his search.
"I implore you to find a decent story Derek." Rossi pleaded.
"Somehow I doubt that." Reid murmured.
"How about this one?" Morgan said.
Dangerous Ordeal
"Well I like the mystery vibe." Garcia said before turning to the group. "What about you guys what do you think?"
"I'll give it a chance." Rossi answered.
"Let's see where it goes." Reid added. "We're stuck with it anyways according to your rules."
By 33MysterysRocKmySocKs33
Summary: The team is called out to investigate a case in Wyoming.
"Well now what do we have here," Morgan grinned. "A story about us solving a case huh, sounds interesting."
"I must say I'm a bit curious as to how it'll play out," Rossi agreed.
"I don't know," Reid murmured as he recalled his earlier encounter with a horror movie. "But I'll give it a chance."
The team was all seated in the conference room while JJ explained the case.
"Isn't that Garcia's job now?" Reid said.
"I guess it takes place during the time JJ was our media liaison." Rossi replied.
Morgan sighed contentedly. "Man that takes me back. Now those were the good ol' days."
"Yeah," Garcia agreed. "Super nostalgic."
"So he's a white male who targets and stabs women." Morgan said indifferently as he scanned his phone's text messages.
"Well aren't you a sweetheart." Rossi said dryly.
Morgan frowned. "Since when have I ever shown any indifference towards a case?"
"Yeah his victims have so far been a big tall woman and a small girl." JJ replied.
"What kind of information is that?" Garcia said with a raised brow. "That sounds like the description a four year old would give you."
"Not very informative." Reid stated. "I so far have no clues as to who the victims were or what is it in his victims that he wants."
"So we'll be boarding the jet with this useful information, keep it in mind while we search for more." Hotch said.
"Yeah let's get it over with." Rossi grumbled lazily.
Morgan smirked at Rossi's expression. "Well aren't you a sweetheart."
"That's absurd, I'm not some lazy teenager; I'm a dedicated profiler." Rossi snapped. "And this author dare portray me like this."
"That's what has you guys peeved?" Garcia asked with shock. "I'm more surprised at how Hotch just said that information was useful."
"I agree." Hotch said. "Since the unsub lives in Wyoming I want Garcia with us."
"How in the world does him living in Wyoming cause Hotch to think we need Penelope?" Morgan asked.
Rossi chuckled. "Let's hope this kid isn't aspiring to be a real author someday."
"Oh great," Garcia groaned. "I don't want to be in this story."
They arrived at the station in Wyoming where the police had been waiting.
"Agent Hotchner," the man greeted. "I'm Officer Adams, glad you're here to help."
"It's nothing at all, let's get right to it."
"Oh sure don't bother introducing us." Garcia muttered with a frown.
"Yeah what are we chopped liver?" Reid added.
They quickly headed to the most recent crime scene. The victims had been two women this time. They had been stabbed 17 times.
"Do we have any witnesses?" Emily asked.
"No, victims were found late at night." The detective said.
Hotch stared at the bodies. "They were stabbed a lot of times that's why there's a lot of blood."
Morgan scoffed. "No shit."
"I still don't know anything except that he stabs women." Rossi said.
"He clearly has a problem with females, I would say that this particular unsub has had a fallout with one." Reid deduced. "Although whether it was recent or he's been been bottling it up I can't say."
"Judging from the excessive stab wounds though I say he's got one hell of a stamina pool." Morgan added.
"So he must be fit." Rossi said.
Garcia gave the trio a blank look. "I know you guys aren't seriously trying to solve this case?"
"We aren't." They quickly denied in unison.
"It's definitely our unsub." Reid—
"Aaahh!"
Garcia frowned. "Okay rule number three: no yelling when your name appears Reid."
"I can't do anything about it. It's a reflex which I have no conscious control over." Reid replied.
"Believe it or not babygirl I'm getting use to it."
said.
"Both bodies are seriously banged up, these poor unsuspecting people." JJ added.
Hotch nodded. "Okay let's go back. We're ready for our profile."
"How?!" Morgan asked as he swung his arms up dramatically. "How do we have our profile already? All we know is he stabs... a lot."
"Yeah it makes no sense," Rossi agreed. "I mean we don't have his stressor, we don't have any substantial evidence, and we haven't found any signature."
"We have nothing to go by." Reid added.
They quickly hurried back to the station and had Adams gather his officers.
"Agent Hotchner and his team have already prepared the profile so listen up." Adams said before turning to Hotch. "You're all set."
"Thanks." Hotch replied. "The man we're looking for is a white guy—
Garcia chuckled. "I don't know why but hearing Hotch say 'white guy' instead of 'male' is pretty funny."
"Yeah it's so not him." Morgan added.
who stabs his victims to death. He targets only woman."
"His preference is tall woman but he may also target the short ones." Morgan said.
The real was Morgan shaking his head. "God, this profile is so stupid."
"And uninformative." Reid murmured.
Rossi nodded. "He is also in good shape so be on the lookout for a man in between the ages of 20 and 50."
"Holy crap!" Garcia exclaimed in disbelief. "Way to narrow the ages there guys."
"This is so ridiculous." Rossi muttered. He couldn't believe how stupidly he was being written out.
"That would be all thank you." Hotch said as he dismissed them.
"That's it?" Reid asked incredulously. "I didn't even hear Emily or I add to this, granted I'm glad my appearances have been minimal therefore I don't get butchered, but for the sake of catching this unsub we should've added more."
"If we actually tackled our cases with this half-baked approach this world would've long been taken over by weasels." Rossi added.
Morgan snickered. "Tell me about it."
"Now we have to be on the lookout." JJ said.
"Yeah let's just wait and hope we get a break." Emily added. "I'm exhausted."
"Me too." Morgan said.
Rossi raised a brow. "From what I've gathered we just got there."
"There's a killer on the loose and this author writes us casually taking a break?" Reid asked.
"Yeah at least make it believable." Garcia added with a sigh. "I haven't even contributed to the case."
"Considering what we contributed in this case I don't think you'd add anything more relevant." Morgan said.
"We got a breakthrough." Chief Adams said rushing to the profilers. "The killer left his wallet at the crime scene!"
"Yeah right, I wish it were that easy." Rossi said.
Morgan rubbed his temples. "Shit, I feel a headache coming on just by reading this."
"Let me see it." Reid—
"Aaahh!"
Luckily the three had anticipated his yelling and had covered their ears in time to dodge it.
said.
Adams handed him the ID that they had found at the scene. "Look!"
"His name is Jake Thomas." Morgan read it over the genius' shoulder.
"How do we know that this guy was stupid enough to drop his wallet?" Garcia asked. "I mean that wallet could be anyone's, heck it could've been planted for all we know."
"Believe me Penelope, we know it isn't that simple," Rossi said. "I just wish our fictional counterparts weren't as thick headed."
"You know this story is already so stupid that I bet the unsub actually did drop his wallet." Morgan exclaimed.
"I agree with Morgan on that one." Reid said.
"Garcia, give me his address." Hotch said.
It was super easy for Penelope to find his address and in seconds she'd already given it to them.
"Let's go get this guy!" Emily cheered.
Morgan frowned at his friend's portrayal. "So since when did Emily become some cheerleader when it came to catching unsubs?"
"I don't even know anything anymore Derek. This story is just one big train wreck." Rossi answered.
"That's putting it mildly." Garcia said.
They rushed over to his house.
"Jake Thomas, FBI!" Hotch shouted.
When there was no response he gave the signal to bash the door in. They all bolted inside and searched for him.
"He's heading out the back!" Rossi yelled as he caught a glimpse of him.
"I guess he was stupid enough to drop his wallet." Garcia stated. "Just like you said Derek."
"I told you."
Outside JJ and several cops were already positioned with their guns.
"Freeze!" JJ shouted.
Jake knew he was cornered with no way out so he angrily dropped to the floor and raised his hands up.
And so the team took him in and was met with another day of success.
Fin.
"Thank God!" Morgan cheered as it ended. He immediately jumped off away from the laptop as if it were poison. "I'm definitely not reading another one."
"Any takers?" Rossi asked. He was met with the silence his question deserved. "It seems we got a situation here."
"I know!" Morgan said as he pulled out his phone.
"Oh no... who are you calling?" Reid asked.
Right on cue the person on the other end picked up, causing Morgan to smile. "Hey JJ."
"Do you need something Derek; I'm kinda out with Will and Henry."
His smile grew even wider. That meant there would be less chance for him to read. "That's perfect, look JJ I need you to head over to Reid's house."
"What's wrong? Is Spence okay?" The concern was hard to miss.
"No everything is okay, there's just something we have to show you."
"Derek I just said I'm out, can it wait? You do know how rare these days are right?"
"I promise you it won't be a waste of your time and if it is, then Reid will spend the rest of his life making it up to you."
"Hey!"
"Oh and JJ make sure you bring Will along." Morgan continued, ignoring Reid.
"Fine, you seriously owe me Derek."
When the call ended Morgan turned back to the team wearing a big smirk. "Well guys it looks like we have our next readers."
Author's Notes
Case fics are hard, very hard. I should know I have one that hasn't finished. That's why it's a bit tough juggling the updates.
Poor JJ doesn't know what she's getting herself and Will into.
