What's up my fellow Fanfiction users and friends it's that time again. It has come to my attention that among our CM characters Kevin is like the second most butchered character. Me, personally, I like him.
Fanfiction Trauma
Chapter 9: Derek/Penelope
"In case you haven't noticed Derek this place is starting to look like a rock concert." Rossi said as he eyed the crowded room.
"You mean a home invasion," Reid corrected.
"Maybe we should make exceptions to the rules Penelope and let some people leave," Will suggested. "And by people I mean me."
"Sorry guys but my rules are final." Garcia replied, although a part of her was starting to regret the rules. But then again how could she have known Morgan would've invited the entire world?
"Hopefully no one gets claustrophobic." Blake half joked, half said.
"Hey daddy what's kaustophobik?" Henry asked from the bed. "Does it have to do wif' Santa Clause?"
Will chuckled. "No buddy. It's a grown-up thing again."
"Okay." Henry said and resumed his playing.
When the doorbell rang Morgan took it as his cue and rushed to answer it. "I'll get it!"
"Hmm..." Rossi murmured. "Does anyone else get the impression that Derek is seriously beginning to think this is his house?"
They all nodded in response.
Morgan greeted the newcomer with a smile laced with unseen mischief. "Hey Kev, what's up?"
Kevin eyed him warily. "Uh... I was hoping you'd tell me."
"Come on in." Morgan said as he began walking back into the room.
Kevin stared at the crowded room with a raised brow. "I'm confused I thought this was going to be a guy's day out, as in just us men."
"Right, that's what I had initially planned for," he explained. "But word got out and before you know it everyone wanted in."
"I see..." he awkwardly said before giving a small wave. "Hey."
Rossi smiled. "Good to see you again Ke—"
"Yeah yeah we're all happy to see you," Morgan cut in not wanting to stall his payback any longer. He gestured Kevin towards the computer chair. "Check out what we fou—"
"Hey is that Fanfiction dot net?" Kevin asked eagerly.
The room was engulfed by silence and the only noise that could be heard this time was Henry imitating a dinosaur.
"Y-You know Fanfiction?" JJ finally asked.
He chuckled nervously. "Well yeah... I mean it's not like I'm on it every day but yeah I know it."
"So you know the lingo of it?" Will questioned curiously. "Cause' we definitely don't."
"Yeah more or less."
Morgan stomped over to him with a glare. "So you knew there was a section with our names on it?"
"Whoa what?" Kevin replied with confusion only for it to be replaced with excitement. "A section with our names on it? You have to be pulling my leg; that is awesome!"
Again the occupants gave him a strange look.
"Well that's a first," Blake commented. "But I guess there really is a first for everything."
Morgan frowned. His plan for revenge was starting to seriously backfire on him. He had most certainly not planned on this reaction.
"Hey Kevin, would you mind filling us in on how it works?" Reid asked.
"Sure why not? Tell me what you've read so far and I'll break it down."
Reid told him about his and Garcia's encounter with the horribly written one.
"Believe it or not sometimes authors purposely write those; they're usually called 'troll stories'."
Morgan then asked him about the exaggerated character he encountered.
"They're called OC's or original character; but when they're exaggerated like the one you encountered they're called a Mary-Sue."
"Mary-Sue?" Blake repeated.
"Yeah it's basically when a made up girl character is overly pretty and exaggerated in detail." He answered. "I honestly can't stand those."
Then Rossi told him about the pairing between Morgan and Reid.
Kevin chuckled awkwardly. "Oh yeah that's called 'slash'."
"I told you!" Reid said with a slight triumphant tone.
"Are you telling me people actually write those sorts of stories?" Will asked incredulously.
"Well if by people you mean fangirls, then yes," Kevin answered. "It's the girls who love that stuff."
"I guess that means you're a fangirl Penelope." Rossi said.
"Don't hate." Garcia countered.
Will then asked about the brutality he endured twice already.
"The butchering of a character in a story usually occurs when a character stands in the way of the author's fantasies, or version of what they believe is how things should be. This my friends is called 'character bashing."
"Wow Kevin it's definitely good to have you here." JJ said. "We'd be so lost without you."
"Yeah," Reid nodded. "You have a substantial amount of intellect on this topic."
Morgan narrowed his eyes; it was safe to say his plan had backfired. Kevin's time here wasn't meant to be nice. It was time to initiate Plan B.
"Mind if I read one?" Kevin asked eagerly.
Will smirked and led him to the chair. "Of course not buddy." Words couldn't express how happy he was to give up his possible chance of reading a story. "Heck feel free to keep on reading once you finish. My house is your house."
"It's my house!" Reid groaned only to be ignored.
Morgan, who shared the same ideas as Will, gave Kevin a pat on the back. "Knock yourself out."
Rossi a sighed as Kevin scanned the stories. "You know he's probably going to literally knock himself out."
Blake cringed slightly. "Hey Rossi you mind not mentioning the word 'literally' for a while; I think I've taken just about all the literal damage I could handle."
"Guys I don't think we should be doing this." Garcia murmured. "Kevin has no idea what he's about to see."
"Neither did we." Rossi replied. "And like you said Penelope, it might be a good one."
"I found one!" Kevin called out. The group returned to find a seat wherever they could.
Special Moments
By XXCriminalMindsRocksXX
Kevin raised a brow. "What's Criminal Minds?"
"Our section." Blake answered.
"Awesome!" He cheered surprising them again.
Summary: Garcia is finally about to confess her hidden feelings to the love of her life—
"Is there something you ain't telling Penelope?" Morgan asked with crossed arms.
"Yeah," Kevin agreed. "You have some explaining to do."
"I'm interested too." Rossi added.
Garcia frowned. "What are you guys, cops?"
A moment of silence passed before they all broke out into laughs.
but unfortunately there's a jealous gremlin in the BAU trying to sabotage the moment from happening.
Will laughed. "A gremlin? That's harsh." He then paled. "Wait... this story isn't about me, right?" He'd learned already that not one ounce of good came to him when it came to fanfiction.
"No." JJ answered with annoyance. This site was having a bad effect on her husband. "It can't be you since you don't even work with us."
"She's right," Blake reassured him. "It has to be someone in the building."
"The question is 'who'?" Reid said.
Today was the day she tells him. She couldn't hold her feelings back anymore. It was just about the end of the day so the team was about to head home. She prayed that one specific person from the team hadn't left.
"He's from your team?" Kevin gasped in jealousy.
"It's Derek." Rossi simply stated.
Morgan frowned. "Oh really? And just what makes you say it's me?" At their blank stares he broke out laughing. "Damn I just couldn't keep a straight face at that."
"Did you two hook up or something?" Kevin questioned while trying to hide his displeasure.
This change in behavior didn't escape an excelled profiler like Morgan. He smirked to himself; perhaps his planned hadn't totally gone down the drain. "Why do you ask?"
This only ignited the types of reactions Morgan had intended to from the beginning; Kevin was antsy and on edge.
Garcia scowled at her Morgan's childish behavior. "Look Kevin—"
A nudge from Morgan cut her off. "Ssssh!"
"Waiting for him?" Rossi asked and got his answer in a blush. He chuckled. "He's already by the elevator."
"Thanks Rossi." Garcia said before skipping to the elevator. She was excited and her heart was racing.
Kevin sighed. "Penny... is this uh, true? Do you," he paused to cough awkwardly. "Erm... like Derek?"
"Of course I like him." She replied before taking note of his slumped shoulders. "But not like that or anything."
"Awww!" Morgan groaned. "Way to ruin the revenge— I mean... uh nevermind." And yet again his plan had backfired.
In her excitement she didn't notice the gremlin sneaking behind her.
"It's a trap!" Reid joked causing Garcia, Will, and Kevin to laugh. The others merely shook their heads and sighed.
He slipped a drugged napkin over her nose and forced unconsciousness to consume her. He then carried her out and shoved her in his van.
"Are we sure this isn't me?" Will asked again in an irritated tone. "This looks like the same exact way I kidnapped JJ."
"You kidnapped JJ?!" Blake gasped.
He groaned. "No not 'me' I meant me in the fanfiction stories. You should've seen the stupidity; I even kidnapped my own boy."
She raised a brow. "So a story actually had you kidnap your own son? That's as ridiculous as a man robbing from his own wallet."
The group laughed at that.
"Somehow I don't think it's you this time." Rossi exclaimed as he eyed Kevin suspiciously. "My guess is that someone else is the unsub."
Garcia woke up to a dark room with a small ceiling lamp barely illuminating the room. She felt drowsy and couldn't remember much.
"Wait," Blake cut in as the realization finally sunk in. "Did Garcia really just get kidnap inside the BAU without anyone noticing? And I thought Will's story was ridiculous."
"You should've been here for the one me and Garcia read." Reid replied.
The tech cringed. "Don't remind me."
Her captive approached her and she could see an evil smirk underneath the ski mask. He was also holding a knife in his hand.
"Who are you?" She asked in fear. But something was telling her that she knew him.
"I'm the love of your life." He said as he took his mask off.
She froze. "Kevin?"
"Kevin?!" Garcia repeated.
"Me?!" The real one said after he'd regained his bearings.
"Yes!" Will cheered. "It really wasn't me."
Morgan's smirk grew even more. The plan was still alive after all. "I bet it isn't too exciting now, huh Kev?"
"Of course not!" He retorted. "This sucks!"
He chuckled evily. "Yes honey, it's me."
"What's going on? Why are you doing this?"
"Because I love you!"
"Does kidnapping translate to affection nowadays because if it does I missed the memo." Rossi said. "This is the same half-baked speech that was said in the story with Will."
"Only it isn't me this time," the detective replied in relief. "I'm not an unsub here."
"How am I an unsub?" Kevin groaned. "For goodness sake I don't even own a ski mask."
"Well this author definitely thinks you're one." Morgan replied.
"Apparently he thinks you're a gremlin too." Reid stated causing a some laughs even though it wasn't his intention.
"Kevin I'm sorry but I don't love you... I never did." Garcia said softly.
"Yes you do love me!" He said in obvious denial. It was clear he was an idiot with issues.
"What? Why am I being character bashed?"
"Got an issue Kev, maybe Reid can get you a tissue?" Morgan joked.
Reid blinked. "I don't get it."
This caused him to facepalm. "Forget it kid."
Garcia elbowed Morgan. "Would you cut that out already?"
Right then the door burst open and the squad had their guns out and aimed.
Rossi was the first to speak. "Drop the weapon fatso!"
"Dang that's messed up." Will commented as he took in Kevin's horrified expression.
"Excuse me?" Rossi said. "I don't approach unsubs like that."
"I'm not an unsub and I'm not fat." Kevin growled angrily. "I'm pleasantly plump."
JJ patted his arm sympathetically. "We know you aren't any of those things mentioned in this poor attempt at a story."
"Let Penelope go you deranged psycho!" Derek shouted.
"Yeah set her free you dirtbag!" Hotch added.
"Release her you freak!" JJ said.
Will chuckled. "How many profilers does it take to tell a man to release a hostage?"
"I do notice the unnecessary repetition," Blake said. "But I think the author is looking for any excuse to demean Kevin with insults."
"No get out of here! She belongs to me!" He cried like a wuss. He was such a loser and was so lame.
Bear in mind that Kevin was reading the story through gritted teeth.
"I won't ask you again bastard!" Derek shouted and positioned his gun to his fat head.
"He's a lunatic on a breaking point." Hotch whispered to them. "If you get the shot take it."
Those words were like music to their ears. All of them had always wanted the loser out of the picture. No one even knew how he got the job to work for the FBI.
"This is even harsher then what I endured." Will said.
"No kidding," Morgan agreed. "It's not even funny anymore."
Kevin grabbed the knife and charged at the team angrily and the team open fired on him. They all emptied their clips on him.
"Dear Lord, he's a person not an animal." JJ said in disbelief. "I can't believe they wrote us just taking the kill shot like that."
"Yeah what's up with all the shots? I could've been caught in the crossfire." Garcia added.
Derek ran over to Garcia and untied her. "You okay? Did he hurt you? I'll kill him!"
"You did kill me you jerk." Kevin muttered angrily.
"That line was redundant." Reid said.
"Oh Derek I was so scared." She cried into his chest. "I thought I'd die without telling you that I love you."
He was surprised by the confession before smiling. "You love me? I love you too."
"Oh gag me..." Kevin muttered beneath his breath.
Garcia smiled and pulled him down for a kiss which he quickly responded to.
The others in the room watched with a relieved smile. Each thinking that it was about time they got together.
AN: Did you like it guys? What did you think? Derek and Penelope belong together!
"Wow I can't believe they made a story pairing me and my sweet chocolate." Garcia said. "But then again I suppose with all our flirting it was bound to happen."
"You don't seem too offended by this." Reid stated.
"Why would I be? I mean they paired me with Derek that's much better than an alternative, although I could do without the Kevin bashing."
Kevin stood off the chair without a word and slumped down in the corner.
Will eyed him with sympathy; he knew what it felt to be bashed by authors. He shot a glare at Morgan. "Real smooth man."
"I didn't mean for it to be this bad; I just wanted to joke around a bit."
"Well the joke wasn't funny at all." Rossi added. He too felt bad for the guy. "You went too far."
Morgan practically shrunk under their glares. He hung his head down like a seven year old who'd just gotten scolded by his teacher. "Okay I'll say sorry."
Author's Notes
Say hello to the Criminal Minds fandom Kevin. It has plenty in store for you. Also I'm not really a Derek/Penelope fan but they're a key part of this fandom. On a side note I'd like to apologize for the tardiness.
And yes, Kevin knows fanfiction.
