His vision blurred, eyes trying vaguely to focus on something, eyelids growing increasingly heavier. All around him, but in the distance, he could hear explosions, almost like fireworks, but much less fun. He was falling, his body feeling weightless as the air rushed around him. His shoulder throbbed and ached something fierce, and he couldn't feel his arm.

"RITOOOOO!"

His eyes opened at the sound of that voice. He knew that voice, having heard it speaking to him for two years, energetic, chatty, sweet and earnest. It felt wrong to hear it screaming out in desperation and horror. With an effort, he focused on the girl; it was actually fairly easy, given her bright pink hair.

Ah…

Yes, he knew her well. Memories flowed by as he gazed up at her.

"La…la…"

"Oh! Nice to meet you! My name is Lala! Lala Satalin Deviluke!"

She'd dropped into his life so suddenly, turning it into a whirlwind of chaos.

"Here! I made something to help you!"

She was flying towards him as fast as she could, reaching out to grab his hand, though he himself didn't have the strength to reach out to her.

His head began to ache and it became more and more difficult to keep his eyes open, but as he struggled to keep consciousness he saw flashes of his past.

The night Lala teleported into his bath…

His constant struggle to confess his feelings to Haruna…

The growing closeness he had with his sister, Mikan...

Lala's crazy inventions that always went haywire…

The day he met Ren and subsequently Run…

The insane situations with Lala's suitors…

The stumbling mess that was his fight with Zastin over Lala's freedom…

Meeting Yami…

Lala confessing her love to him constantly…

Meeting Nana and Momo through that crazy VR videogame thing…

So many things, but…

It always comes back to Lala… It was then that Rito had a rather disturbing realization, he was seeing his life flash before his eyes; he was dying. Maybe it was the lack of blood that snubbed out his usual outlandish directions but he felt unusually calm, but he had to question himself. Why am I seeing Lala if these are my last moments? It should be Haruna, shouldn't it?

But he was proven wrong again and again by his own mind. As much as he tried to see Haruna, all he saw was Lala's smiling face.

Lala, the girl that had made his life spiral into complete mayhem. The girl that threw him into life threatening situations, usually indirectly. The girl who… was the reason he was friends with so many people, with Haruna. The girl that showed him so many incredible things. The girl that turned his mediocre life into something extraordinary…

The girl that…

He saw her smiling face.

That…

He saw her beautiful emerald eyes sparkling with joy every time she saw him.

That I…

He heard the devotion and adoration in her voice everytime she professed her love to him…

The girl that loved him unconditionally and didn't care if she got anything back. The girl that just wanted him to be happy.

His eyes widened slightly as something in his head finally clicked.

Ah, so that's how it is, huh? I really am a blockhead.

"Lala…" His words were lost in the wind as they left his mouth, but still he gave her a smile. "I love you..."

*CRASH!*

Chapter 1: What's Eating Yuuki Rito?

2 Months Earlier

Momo sighed, stretching out on her bed and watching her laptop with her chin in her hands. Her slender legs, clad in striped stockings, kicked idly as she watched the feed from the many cameras that she'd set up throughout the Yuuki household, her brow furrowed in thought.

Over the past year since she and her twin had come to Earth and moved in with their big sister, almost unsurprisingly, she and her sister Nana had fallen hopelessly in love with Yuuki Rito. Although, her sister would rather die than admit she had fallen for the accident-prone earthling. Her enthusiastic denials fooled absolutely no one but the boy himself, and maybe also Lala. As much as Momo loved her older sister, there was no denying that, genius or not, Lala was quite an airhead. One of her charms, perhaps, but still unfortunate when it came to reading the hearts of others.

Not to mention the plethora of other girls that had also fallen for Rito. It was actually impressive how many of them he'd managed to charm without trying…or even being aware of it. It would be funny, if it wasn't such a mess to keep track of. Who would he pick? Who did he like? Well, Momo knew that he'd had a crush on Sairenji Haruna for the longest time, but he wasn't exactly unreceptive towards Lala either. To say nothing of Kotegawa Yui, and his continual contact with the legendary assassin Golden Darkness, also known as Yami.

It was quite the tangled web indeed, which was why she was typing up on her laptop as she observed the household, specifically watching Rito. She'd had the genius idea to create a Harem Plan! A situation where everyone who loved Rito could be with him and be happy!

There were many problems with this ambition, of course. Mainly Yami and her insistence on Rito being her "target" and her half-hearted attempts to kill him, which was more or less an excuse to stay close to him, because the assassin had also fallen hard for the goof that was Rito. In addition, the majority of the girls who made up this theoretical harem came from a society that insisted on monogamy. Even her own sister thought that such an idea was scandalous, even though Rito, as the future emperor of the Devilukean empire, was well within his right to marry multiple women. But the biggest obstacle to the Harem Plan was perhaps the most shocking of them all…

It was Rito himself.

Though it was a little shameful to admit, she hadn't noticed it sooner. Yuuki Rito did not act like a normal human. Hell, he didn't act like a normal person. She'd met countless aliens of countless different species more well-adjusted than him. It was concerning, extremely so.

Tripping and falling into groping girls beyond all logic aside, his whole personality and attitude towards nearly everything was very worrying. He was almost like a constantly scared and paranoid animal, struggling to get as far away from the 'victims' of his pratfalls as he could. Considering all of the physical abuse and near-constant attempts on his life, that was to be expected…but it went deeper than that. As if he was already like that before even Lala came to Earth. It was a wonder that he was able to care for Celine, treating the adorable flower-child like a proper daughter.

She needed to do research, as well as someone that knew Rito before he became like this. She would've gone to Mikan first but… the younger Yuuki sibling seemed to just take everything in stride when it came to Rito, and his parents were always busy, so that left…

Momo let out a sigh, running a hand through her pink bob-cut. "Saruyama Kenichi...I guess it really is time for drastic measures."

SCYR

"Thank you all for coming," said the 'older' twin seriously, hands clasped behind her back and inadvertently emphasizing her sizable bust, "I'm sure you all were quite busy."

All around her were the various girls that Momo knew had a crush on Yuuki Rito, at least the major ones, the ones that she planned on convincing to join the Harem Plan. They were currently gathered in Lala's spatially expanded laboratory, located in Rito's closet.

"It's fine! I figure my lab is big enough for meetings like this. But, um…Momo?" Lala gave her sister a somewhat worried look.

"Yes, sister?"

"Why is Saruyama-san tied up with one of your plants?"

Indeed, everyone was staring with varying emotions at Rito's only male friend, who was currently tied and gagged to a chair and struggling to break free.

Momo blinked. "Eh? Why is he gagged?"

"Why are you asking that?!" demanded Kotegawa Yui, "You're the one who brought this shameless monkey here, aren't you?"

"I'll cut to the chase," Momo's expression turned serious. "I think there's something very wrong with Rito."

"E-Eh?" stammered Sairenji Haruna, the slender, black-haired girl looking confused and more than a little affronted on behalf of her crush, "I mean, I know that he's a little clumsy, but to say that there's something wrong is…"

"Makes sense," said Yami blandly, her ever-present deadpan unchanged.

Momo rolled her eyes at the shapeshifting blonde assassin before continuing. "I mean, mentally. Haven't you all realized that he doesn't, you know, actlike a normal person?"

Mikan raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about, Rito's always been like that."

"...Okay, but it can't be healthy, right?" asked Momo, "He freaks out from the slightest bit of sexual contact-" Yui gave a strangled noise of indignation, turning red, which she ignored, "-And acts like a scared animal 24/7, it's not natural. For goodness sake, it's more unnatural than his constant tripping."

Saruyama, who had been struggling against his bonds this whole time, suddenly stopped, giving Momo a thoughtful look.

"I brought Saruyama-san here, because I wanted to know if he'd been acting like this before Lala arrived on Earth."

Everything went silent, and all eyes turned to Lala. The older Deviluke went pale as she put the pieces together.

"I-I..." Lala couldn't even form words as a deep sensation of horror and dread struck her heart at the implications of Momo's words. "I never…M-Momo, you know I'd never…"

Nana grimaced at the sight of her older sister looking so terror-stricken and glared at Momo. "That's going too far, even for you Momo!"

"I don't mean to imply that Lala's done anything like that to him!" her twin amended quickly, "Of course I know that you'd never hurt Rito-kun, Onee-chan. But you have to admit, you turning up in his life was a bit of a turning point, wasn't it? Wouldn't you agree, Saruyama-san…?"

Saruyama nodded, making a muffled sound through his plant gag.

"Ah, whoops, sorry. I really don't know why that happens…" Momo quickly pulled out a spray bottle and spritzed the vines binding him, causing them to withdraw from the boy's mouth. "Bad!"

"Ahh, no worries, Momo-san!" said the spiky-haired boy cheerfully, before frowning. "But you're worried about Rito, huh? That's good."

Haruna blinked at him. "Why's that?" she asked Saruyama politely.

The boy shrugged. "I've been worried about 'im too," he answered seriously, "For years."

This drew all of the girls' attention, even from Yami.

"Ne, Sairenji, you remember that whole incident from Middle School? The one where the school garden was torn apart by that stray dog?"

It took the girl a few moments to think back that far. "Um…yes, I think so…oh! Oh no, people thought that Yuuki-kun had vandalized the gardens for months before the whole situation was cleared up!"

"Yyyep," he agreed heavily, "I mean, I'm glad that you stood up for him and told them what really happened, but that was still a really long time. Apart from me and you, he was pretty much shunned by the whole school! They even kicked him off the soccer team. No shit he's messed up!" Then he nodded to Lala. "Although, after Lala-chan showed up, I thought he started getting a bit better."

The pinkette, who looked like she was about to have a panic attack, relaxed slightly. "Really?"

"Well, yeah! I mean, he's my bro, but I gotta admit, he was a little…well, spineless." He shook his head. "But he was nowhere near as spineless as he is now. Sure, he was always shy around girls, but now? He has no confidence, no self-worth. It's like he can't even think for himself without going into a damn panic-attack!"

"Yeah, that tracks," agreed Mikan, though she winced as she realized that her casual barbs were, in fact, a bit harsh.

"S-So, if you know about all this," began Nana, covering up her concern with a brusque tone, "Why the hell haven't you done anything about it?"

Saruyama just gave her a look. "…When could I have done anything?" he asked, "You girls have been flocking around him since pretty much the start of high school and I haven't been able to have more than two minutes alone with him! And Mikan..." he sighed, it was obvious he didn't want to say this. "You keep pretending like everything is fine."

The girl looked away guiltily, biting her lip, but said nothing.

"Again, Lala-chan was good for Rito. Hell, things were still good when Ren and Run showed up. He was more expressive, making a smart-ass comment or two, things were going well, and I had some high hopes." His eyes zeroed in on Yami. "Then little Miss cute, blonde, stoic, and stabby tried to murder him…repeatedly…for years..."

Said cute, stoic and stabby blonde narrowed her dark red eyes at him. "He's my target," she answered, "And ecchi. I hate ecchi people."

"But you sure do like running into and tormenting him," Saruyama replied with a dry tone, leaning back in his chair, "And let's not kid ourselves, you stopped thinking about him as a 'target' a long time ago. I'm no expert on aliens, but if what I've heard from Mikado-sensei is true, you only go after morally evil targets. You don't have the stomach to go after innocents. As emotionless as you like to act, you're far from a robotic killing machine, reputation or not. But if that first incident was anything to go by, you're shit at doing reconnaissance and background checks on your targets," Saruyama gave a condescending smile. "Given how easily someone like Lacospo tricked you into it, I wonder if this is the first time you've been tricked into assassinating an innocent person?"

Yami, who had held his gaze steadily, even as her face grew increasingly red, her long, golden hair starting to rise up, let out a startled gasp, her eyes widening in shock and dismay. "That…!" She stood up jerkily, her fingers elongating.

Mikan was by her side immediately and shot a glare at Saruyama. "That was too far, Saruyama!"

"Sit down, Yami-san," Momo spoke up. When everyone else looked at her, they found her face set in an icily calm expression. "Please continue, Saruyama-kun."

Saruyama looked between Yui and Nana and shook his head dismissively. "I could put you two in the same category. Prudish idiots that react to everything you don't like with violence, harsh words, and screaming high enough to make ears bleed."

Yui crossed her arms over her own rather generous bust. "Of course a shameless pig like you would have a problem with trying to enforce discipline. Yuuki-san's escapades are completely unacceptable for the integrity of our school!"

"After everything that happened, you're still on about that crap…" Saruyama took a deep audible breath and let out a low growl. "Momo-chan, I'm very glad you have me restrained right now."

Momo sighed, her teeth clenched hard. "I can… imagine. Fire away."

"The fucking audacityyou have to say that…" Saruyama glared daggers at Yui. "First of all, what integrity? Have you SEEN our Principal? Secondly, you're goddamn right I've got no shame, and that's a good thing. My friend, Rito, has been living in nothing but shame for years, you absolute PURITAN! I can barely tell who's done more to beat what little confidence he's got left into the fucking ground, you or the assassin, what with you constantly belittling him for every positive interaction that he tries to have with-" He glanced at Haruna for a moment, "-With another girl. Oh yeah, also, what about ANY of that bullshit gives you the right to continue your moralistic bitching OUTSIDE school? Are you letting your power go to your head or something? Who's REALLY the shameless one here?!" Then he glanced at Nana. "As for you, it's basically the same. Stop calling him a beast and assuming the worst about him already, you've stayed in his damn house long enough to give him the fucking benefit of the doubt. Dude's clumsy, lay off him already, or get out of his life if you hate him so damn much!"

Yui looked like she'd been slapped, while Nana clenched her fists and refused to look Saruyama in the eye.

Then he turned his attention to Haruna, who squeaked with fright. "Ah, you're okay, Sairenji. No complaints about you."

"O-Oh…I see…"

"And me, Saruyama-kun?" asked Momo softly, her eyes shadowed by her pink bangs, "Do you have any observations to point out?"

The boy blinked. "Er...Well, aside from Lala-chan and Sairenji-chan, you're the only one in this lot-" he snorted in hollow amusement. "You're part of the handful of girls who've actually treated him alright. And I mean, you brought me here because you wanna help him, so…I think you're trustworthy."

"Nn. Thank you very much." The princess took a deep, steady breath. "Now…what to do about all this, hm?" Then she lifted her head, and the look in her eye pinned every girl present in place. "It seems that I will have quite a few messes to clean up."

Momo closed her eyes and gave a spine chilling sweet smile, contrasting the aura of pure fury around her. "Alright…for the next week. There will be no testing experiments on him or near him," She directed this at Lala, who nodded quickly, "No attempts on his life, no shouting 'Shameless!' no put downs- no usual anything around Rito." She leveled a severe glare at Yui and Nana, her flatter, usually fiery twin wilting under her look. "I don't care if he trips into you and gets his hands under your clothes like usual. It's been happening for years, it's accidental, get over it. So god help me, if I see a hair harmed on his head, I will show you why I am the galaxy's greatest Xenobotanist, and will do everything in my power to make you miserable until I feel satisfied. This goes double for you Yami, especially after everything he's done for you."

Yami opened her mouth to protest, but wisely closed it after the reminder of Momo's skills. The last thing she wanted was to get put in a slimy situation at the older twin's hands. Her jaw clenched, and she stared sullenly at the Princess, keeping her gaze for several long minutes. Even so, she was the first to break eye contact.

"Lala, Haruna-chan, Mikan-chan…please, do what you can to support Rito-kun. Make him feel like he's not to blame for everything that happens around him."

The three girls in question nodded seriously. "Of course!" declared Lala, giving the other girls a disappointed look. If anything, that just made them feel even worse than Saruyama's tirade had. "Anything!"

"Just don't go overboard," Momo warned her older sister firmly, "Make sure that your inventions work properly!"

The crown princess winced, but nodded. "I will…"

"And you two." Momo glowered towards Yui and Nana, who both backed away from her eerie gaze. "Are we clear?"

They both mumbled grudgingly.

"Are. We. Clear?"

"Yes!" they both yelped.

Saruyama whistled appreciatively. "Damn. Princess layin' down the law is pretty hot. By the way, can you let me go now?"

"Ah yes, of course…"

SCYR

After that, the other girls had made their excuses and beat a retreat. Nana had run straight to her room and locked herself inside, feeling utterly humiliated at being called out so harshly. Momo let her be; they'd need to have a personal heart to heart soon, but for now, it'd be best to let her stew a little.

She sighed, sinking into the bath, because god damn did she need one. It's worse than I thought, she thought to herself, submerging her curvy body entirely, His resistance is near non-existent. It isn't just that he's terrified of being punished, but it's a deeply rooted trauma in his heart. The first step to completing the Harem Plan… is to heal Rito! Then she paused. The second step is to get those other girls to admit once and for all if they want to spend their life with Rito. And to teach them what a healthy relationship looks like! She nodded firmly to herself, then groaned. God, the things I do for love. No wonder Mama never tried to get Papa to have a harem.

"Momo?"

"Uwah!" She jumped, splashing water everywhere and sputtering in shock when she realized that Lala had slipped into the bathroom and was standing over her. Momo stared up at her, caught completely off-guard, though not by the fact that her older sister was completely naked.

As the oldest princess, Lala's body was by far the most impressive, with sleek, smooth, soft, creamy skin. Her hips were wide and sweeping, contrasting with her slender waist and leading into plump thighs. Owing to their Devilukean heritage (or possibly their mother's Charmian genes), her large, round breasts remained full, firm and high, despite never wearing a bra. However, there was worry in her wide, expressive, bright green eyes. "Can I join you?" she asked.

Momo blinked in surprise; Lala hardly ever asked to join a bath or shower. She would just barge in, totally carefree, and offer to help scrub her sisters' bodies. Or Rito's. Or Mikan's, on occasion. "Oh...of course you can, Onee-chan!" she assured her, smiling.

"Mm…" Silently, the elder pinkette slid her curvaceous body into the water, pressing herself against her sister. "Momo…have…have we really been hurting Rito?"

Momo paused trying to think of a less tactless way of putting it, but she couldn't, not with the seriousness of the situation. "Yes… we all have." She looked away. "The Harem Plan was definitely a good idea when Peke-chan came up with it. It's the best way for Rito-kun to resolve his feelings for you, for Sairenji-san and the others, but…" She swallowed a lump in her throat. "But if things are really so bad, then…have I just been trying to force things and pushing him even further into his shell as well?" Hot, fat tears began welling up in her eyes. "Just the thought…that we could have…could have pushed him over the edge…!"

Lala wrapped her arms around her younger sister, allowing her to drop her scheming, responsible mask and cry into her shoulder. "This is my fault..."

"No!" Momo yelled as she pulled away. "No it's not your fault! You're good for Rito… it's just that… everything… Everything spiraled out of control."

"But everything that's happened to him after I met him! Yui-chan getting mad at him, Yami-chan being hired, Papa threatening to destroy the Earth if he didn't marry me…" Lala's lip quivered. "He…I just wanted to use my inventions to help him, but they just kept making trouble for him! Even though I love him, I just keep making him mad…!"

"But he confessed to having feelings for you," her younger sister pointed out, "Don't you remember?"

Even as she sniffed, Lala gave a weak smile as she remembered Rito getting her alone at the pool. How he'd finally screwed up his courage in order to admit that he really did like her, but that he also was in love with Haruna. "Yeah…I guess for someone who's got no confidence, it takes a lot of bravery to confess like that."

"That's why we need to help him," said Momo, her teary eyes becoming resolute, "We have to give him more of that confidence, in order to let him fully confront his own feelings, and let him understand that no matter what, we- w-well, you -will love him no matter what!"

Lala gave her sister a heartfelt smile. "Thank you, Momo." She squeezed her gently in their embrace, their respective breasts pressing together tightly, though neither acknowledged it. "We'll make him happy, no matter what."

SCYR

Rito frowned as he sat on the couch. Since he'd gotten home from helping his dad during one of his usual crunches, he couldn't help but feel like something about the atmosphere in the house had changed. Mikan had refrained from sassing him like usual, instead asking him how he was feeling. Perplexed, he'd replied that he was fine, and asked if she was okay; she seemed oddly subdued.

She'd only sighed and told him that as long as he was okay, it was fine.

Well, what brother could be reassured with such a vague answer?

He hadn't seen the hide nor hair of Nana, but when Lala had given him her usual greeting hug, he noticed that she was much gentler than usual. Rather than crushing him against her sizable bosom with her alien strength, she had put his head on her shoulder and stroked his hair. Rito had absolutely no idea what was going on, but it… it felt a lot different than anything he'd felt in a long time. An actually gentle warmth that struck his heart in a visceral way he never knew that anything could. He had to excuse himself quickly before he started tearing up, and he just didn't know why.

Rito scratched the back of his head as he pondered his lapse in composure. It was just so far apart from his usual reactions that he didn't know what to think of it. "It was just a hug, wasn't it?"

Another odd thing was that it was quiet, like really quiet. Mikan was making dinner, Celine was asleep, Nana was practically in hiding, Momo made herself scarce as well as Lala.

When was the last time the house had been this quiet?

There was nothing for him to do either. As always, Mikan had the kitchen on lockdown, he had already taken care of the garden earlier that day, no homework… God's sake, graduation was like a week or two away. Nothing to do...

He noticed that there were a few game systems hooked up to the TV. The Wii U was one of them, he vaguely remembered news about the updated system coming out a few months ago, and then there was the news about the PS4 coming out near the end of the year…

It'd been so long since he'd just sat down and played some video games, years in fact. It was odd, since he used to really love playing video games, especially when Saruyama came over to play when they were kids.

Things just got really hectic when…when Lala came into his life.

Looking through the collection of mostly untouched games, his eye caught on a particular title: Metroid Prime Trilogy. Oh yeah, I remember that series. You play as a badass space mercenary.

He used to play these games a lot with Saruyama, especially the 2D ones on Gameboy. They competed to see who could beat the game faster.

Thinking about all the aliens in his life, Rito had to chuckle at the irony. Sure, why not?

Popping the disk into the Wii U, he fished out a Wiimote and began hunting for some batteries. A few minutes later, everything was ready, and he booted up the game.

He marveled at the pre-rendered cutscene of whirling machinery as the title card faded in, ominous chanting and techno playing in the background. Slowly, a smile stole across his face as he selected Metroid Prime and sat back, watching the opening cutscene.

As Samus approached the frigate Orpheon, he wondered what it would be like to fight or even live in space. After all, Lala and her sisters had supposedly been all around the galaxy before they'd come to Earth, and found the culture here to be fascinating to them.

It wasn't like he hadn't left Earth before; he vividly remembered the time when Lala had teleported them all to a remote island for a beach outing. With no way back. On an alien planet.

His eye twitched as he remembered the many creatures that had tried to kill them all before they'd finally been rescued. But was that really so different from all the other times that he'd almost died? Even more memorable, for him, was at the end, when they'd been rescued by Mikado-sensei. The view when they'd flown away from Planet Onakiwa had stuck with Rito, watching the land and sea drop further and further away, shrinking until it all looked like a flat texture in the distance, and then a simple sphere.

Space is so damn big that even a planet can look tiny, he thought to himself, stalking through the Orpheon's halls, aiming Samus's cannon and firing away at Ridley. If I were actually doing this, I'd be too worried about how I'm just a speck of dust compared to the universe. But still…it's pretty fun to play as someone who isn't afraid of stuff like that.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance when Samus inevitably lost her equipment to a small explosion, but minutes later, he was down on Talon IV and exploring.

As he jumped and shot, navigating the alien planet, he failed to notice the girls watching him play. They, however, noticed the smile slowly growing across his face as he immersed himself in the game, in the role of being a confident, badass bounty hunter.

Lala and Momo's hearts leaped at his expression. It would undoubtedly take a lot of hard work to build Rito up again…but him being able to smile and have fun was absolutely a start.

SCYR

AN: Well this was a pretty spontaneous story idea. Spontaneous, but also went through a bunch of changes to the premise before we started writing it. Originally I was just gonna make it another SI/OC story, but then someone pointed out that that REALLY wasn't necessary.

I mean, it's not like anyone's gonna be complaining about giving Rito of all people more of a spine.

The overall goal of this story is relatively simple: bring back the sci-fi adventure that was promised at the start of To Love Ru. That is to say, the original plot of Rito having to prove his worth by fighting.

UO: My god, the only worse offender is Ichika from Infinite Stratos…though considering what happened…yeah, Rito's worse.

Fuckin' 'I don't feel right accepting a Harem' bullshit, making Momo cry…

Anyway, in case you're wondering what the hell the title is about, A. it's based on Space Pirate Captain Harlock, and B. how it's relevant will become apparent soon…ish.

Thanks to Jackie Avocado for all the help he's given me, both in writing this and planning.

As always, if you have any thoughts or questions, leave a review.

North South Out.