I bet you've all been waiting for this one lol! Sorry for making you wait but like I said I was saving the best for last. The wait is over and Hotch is finally here.
Fanfiction Trauma
Chapter 13: AU: Profiling in the year 3000
"You know he's probably going to fire us." Reid groaned.
"Or kill us." Blake said.
"Or kill himself." JJ added dryly.
"Oh yes I can see it now," Rossi joked. "FBI profilers fired due to causing the death of their unit chief. Cause of death: excessive exposure to Fanfiction dot net."
Will chuckled. "I'm safe from the heat though, since I work under a different superior. You guys are definitely screwed though."
"You know... I don't work for him either," Kevin chimed in with a growing smirk.
"Gee thanks for the support." Rossi replied.
"Wait a minute," Seaver cut in as a realization sunk in. "I'm safe too. To think I almost forgot I don't work under Hotch anymore."
Kevin grinned and high fived them both. "It feels good not to be in the lion's den."
"You know Derek, if Hotch doesn't kill you I will." JJ said.
"You guys are worrying too much. He isn't gonna kill us." Morgan replied.
At that moment a tired Henry awoke with a stir. He stretched his small arms and smiled. "Yay! We still at uncle Spencer's house!"
"Unfortunately." Blake muttered.
"Okay everyone my boy is awake," Will whispered so only the adults could hear. "No more talks about killing each other or getting killed."
Despite how funny his request sounded the crew nodded.
"Hiya sleepyhead," JJ said with a smile as she ruffled his hair. "We have some new guests."
Henry eagerly peered over her shoulder to welcome the new guests. "Hi Kevin, hi Ashwey!"
Kevin gave him a thumbs up. "How's it going partner, nice to see ya."
Seaver smiled at the boy. "Hey Henry, you're getting tall."
The doorbell caught their attention and as usual Morgan volunteered to get it.
"Shouldn't it be Reid who answers that?" Seaver asked as he exited the room.
"It should," Rossi confirmed. "But Derek has long since taken control over this place."
"I think he's going through a phase." Will added jokingly.
"Don't you just love a man with control," Garcia chimed in.
"Although this is the first time I'm glad for his dominance over my house." Reid stated.
"And why's that?" JJ questioned.
"Because I don't want to be the one breaking this down to Hotch."
Everyone agreed.
Just then, Morgan had opened the door to greet the newcomers. "Hey Hotch," he leaned down to share a knuckle bump with Jack. "Hey little buddy."
"Hi Derek!" Jack greeted with a smile.
Hotch on the other hand wasn't as enthusiastic as his son; he held his steely gaze. "So what is it that you wanted me to look into?"
"Follow me and I'll show you," he replied as he led him to the room.
Hotch was stunned to silence, which was a reaction rarely seen on the elite profiler, and eyed the crowded mess quizzically.
The silence was broken by the two children who were ecstatic upon seeing one another.
"Jack!"
"Henry!"
They immediately began chatting up and Henry had invited him up to Reid's bed, which he now had claimed was his 'castle'.
Hotch gave Morgan a blank stare. "You realize that it's nowhere near my birthday, right?"
"Nah man this isn't a surprise party or anything like that. This is much bigger." He replied.
Hotch sighed. "It's good to see everyone, although majority of you I saw just yesterday."
"You know you can't stand being apart from the children Aaron." Rossi joked.
Garcia happily embraced her boss. "I never get tired of seeing you boss man."
Seaver extended her hand out to him and smiled. "A pleasure to see you again Hot— excuse me, sir."
"Likewise Ashley," he replied as he took her gesture. "You can still call me Hotch I don't mind. How's Andi Swann's unit?"
"It's been great, Hotch."
Hotch then turned to Will. "Did Morgan rope you into this too Will?"
Will chuckled. "Now what gave you that impression?"
"A number of things; personal experience being the main factor though."
"He even suckered me into coming here too." Kevin added as he shook hands with him.
Morgan motioned for Hotch to sit down. "I called you here because we found this site called Fanfiction dot net. It's this weird website that has stories based on us."
"Come again?" Hotch said in bewilderment.
"It's true." He reinforced his statement. "Hey Kev, give Hotch the rundown on the special vocabulary popularly used in Fanfiction dot net."
Kevin took it upon himself to explain all the slang they'd encountered while on Fanfiction dot net. And if Hotch hadn't been fully creeped out before he was now.
"Well that's... unusual."
"Perhaps you should read one Aaron," Rossi suggested. "So you can get a better understanding."
Hotch was about to flat out deny, but a quick glance at how happy his son was playing with Henry made him reconsider; and so with a heavy sigh he began scanning the stories.
Morgan smirked proudly at how he'd even managed to get his boss into this.
"Got one." He called.
Reid sighed. "Well find a seat wherever you can guys as we're about to start this cycle again."
Profilers of the 30th Century
"That sounds interesting." Blake said.
Reid nodded. "A story taking place in the future sounds very interesting."
"The concept is good but the delivery will most likely suck." Will replied.
By MasterProfiler25
Summary: A team of profilers are about to investigate into a case. Watch how things have changed and new techniques will be used to solve the cases in the year 3000!
"Since it's taking place in the year 3000 I'm assuming it will be using OCs." Blake said.
"Not necessarily Alex," Kevin interjected. "It could be an AU story."
"AU?" Seaver repeated.
"Yeah, it stands for 'Alternate Universe'." He explained. "It's pretty self explanatory."
Garcia sighed. "Meaning it could very well still include us?"
"Precisely."
The world had gone through several changes. It was different now. Society had endured many changes throughout the years. But although the world had changed it didn't mean crime had stopped.
Luckily there were elite profilers whom specialized in stopping them wherever they may appear.
"Wait, I'm not a profiler." Will exclaimed and grinned happily. "This means I might not be in this pile of dump."
"Neither am I!" Kevin cheered as he too smiled with relief. He then paled as a sickening realization sunk in. "Oh wait... this is an AU!"
Two of them were making their way to headquarters together. Their names were Will and Kevin.
"Oh come on!" The two shouted as the others shared a laugh.
They both worked for the new BAU that was located in New Virginia.
"So how did JJ take it about you missing dinner last night?" Kevin asked.
He sighed sadly.
"I swear if this author spams that word I'll go nuts." Garcia said as she recalled the previous story.
Seaver chuckled. "At least we could make another game of it."
"It's hard ya know, she feels the job is taking too much of my time and I don't spend enough time at the house."
JJ frowned. "Is this some sort of role reversal?"
Will smirked. "Although I'm pissed at seeing another one of those 'things are going bad' stories, I gotta say it's kinda interesting to see how the shoe is on the other foot now. Am I right sweetheart?"
JJ rolled her eyes. "Spare me."
"That's rough." Kevin said.
"I'll make it up to her though." He replied.
They made it inside the bullpen where the rest of the team were. Spencer—
"Aaahh!"
Hotch winced at the yell before turning to the culprit with concern. "Reid, are you okay?"
He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry about that. My exposure to this site hasn't done me any good. I have Fanfiction-itis, which causes me to react whenever my name is mentioned."
Hotch eyed him for a moment before nodding, although his concern didn't dissipate. "We'll discuss more later."
was in his usual seat with Rossi in his own office; Derek across from him; sitting adjacent to Derek was Elle.
That name caused a wave of memories and emotions to flood through the ones who had once worked with her.
"God I miss her..." Morgan muttered to himself, silently speaking for those who knew her.
At that moment Rossi walked in. "We got a case guys." The others began following their media liaison—
"Media liaison?" Rossi repeated in disbelief. "I can't possibly see myself doing that."
"I'm beginning to agree with Will now," Reid began. "Seeing us in different roles is a bit intriguing."
"Speak for yourself." JJ replied.
to the conference room. There they had been briefed through the giant screen. Technology had advanced tremendously over the years. Robotic equipment was now common.
"Let's go." Hotch said.
Hotch paused briefly at the mention of his names. He was beginning to see why this bothered Reid.
"Creepy isn't it?" Blake said.
"Very."
The case was a local one so there was no need to travel outside New Virginia. A man had been kidnapping and killing women in the area.
Derek stepped out of the BAU building first and stared at the swarms of fishes to his left.
"I'm confused," Seaver said. "Is the new BAU building near an aquarium or some sort of pet store?"
"That's extremely weird." Garcia replied.
Nowadays everyone would see the marine animals. The cities were underwater after all.
"What, underwater?! That's so cool." Kevin said.
"Totally cool," Garcia agreed.
"And different." Hotch added. "But then, I suppose change would be inevitable in the span of a thousand years."
The water was kept at bay through the huge dome-like transparent wall preventing any leaks, but allowed anyone to enjoy watching the marine life. Life was underwater ever since the land was overrun by several weasels.
"Is this or isnt this what I had predicted earlier," Rossi said.
"Wow Rossi, you predicted right!" Garcia replied with a laugh.
"When I said change was inevitable I did not mean this." Hotch groaned already getting displeased by the fanfictions.
"Okay, whatever respect I had for this story just went down the drain." Will stated.
"No kidding," Morgan agreed. "I mean weasels? Really?"
"I'm guessing this was most likely written by a twelve-year old, could be any gender but I'm leaning more towards a boy," Seaver deduced as she pieced it together. "Young boys tend to have a big overactive imagination."
Blake turned to the two young boys pretending they were cowboy astronauts whom hunted dinosaurs for a living. "Indeed they do."
Hotch couldn't help the pride that swelled through him from Seaver's analysis; it felt like just yesterday she was a cadet. "Good analysis."
"Oh yeah I forgot to tell you this before; but we don't profile the stories." JJ cut in.
"Oops, sorry JJ." Seaver replied.
The team was easily able to pinpoint where the unsub had been hiding and headed right to his house.
"Where's the search for motive; the visit to the ME; interviewing the victims?" Hotch questioned with a frown. "All these factors are what make us reach a solid profile. The author can't simply leave such an important aspect like that out."
"They can and they will Aaron." Rossi replied.
"That's just an example of lazy authors." Kevin said. "They only write what they wanna write."
His name was Jasper Hanson. Jasper was a crocodile humanoid that lived in New Virginia. He was half human and half crocodile.
"Ew!" Garcia gagged. "I'd hate to see what that looks like."
"I don't care how many centuries pass or how much technology advances; I'd never get involved with a crocodile." Blake added.
"That must look so disgusting," Morgan said, his face scrunching up in disgust. "Seriously, that's like dating Kermit the Frog."
His comment earned several laughs.
"Hands in the air Hanson!" Hotch shouted as he held his gun up.
"Do as he says we don't wanna shoot you!" Kevin yelled.
Unfortunately unsubs had also upgraded their mindset. Jasper pressed a button and a jetpack sprouted out of his back.
"What." The adults stated. It wasn't said in a question-like way, nor as a statement. It was just a pure 'what'.
Luckily Derek had anticipated that and had activated his electro-gun, which had the ability to cancel out electronic devices.
"Nice shot!" Elle praised as Jasper crashed onto the floor.
Kevin rushed over and cuffed him before throwing him inside the police car which no longer ran on gas. In the year 2500 gas had been replaced with vegetable oil.
"Is that even possible?" Garcia asked.
"The Jetsons do it." Morgan replied as if that were a legit answer.
They then took the unsub back to the station where the authorities there took care of the rest. The team headed back to base after the long case had been closed.
To celebrate the success of the mission the team headed out for drinks. It was never an easy day for the profilers of New Virginia but so long as they were together it'd be okay.
End of chapter one. Review bitches.
"Definitely a twelve-year old boy." Seaver reinforced her previous theory.
"I'm leaving." Hotch stated as he pulled out the chair.
"Sorry sir but you can't." Garcia interjected, extending her hands out to block the exit. "The rules state that you can't leave."
"Rules?" He repeated before frowning. "I'm leaving Garcia."
"You can't just leave Aaron." Rossi exclaimed with crossed arms. "We've all stayed here in the hopes of running into a decent story; you can't just shatter our rules."
"Just look at poor Reid." Garcia said as she motioned the genius. "He has Fanfiction-itis but you don't see him giving up; Willy here has been butchered like no other."
"That's right I have."
"Poor Kevin has had to endure constant heat thrown at him," the tech added. "And we all had to witness Mary Sues and OOC junk but we didn't give up; and do you know why? It's because we have hope; hope that perhaps under all this pile of horrible fanfiction there's this one good story, which is pleading for us to find it."
Hotch sighed at her colorful explanation. "Okay Garcia okay, I'll stay."
This delighted the tech and she pulled Hotch in for a bear hug. "I knew you wouldn't let us down sir!"
"So uh... who's reading?" Morgan asked successfully destroying the moment and earning a glare from every adult present.
Author's Notes
AU stories are actually pretty popular among Fanfiction dot net. I've read countless of them and enjoyed them, although I have seen some sucky OOC ones.
Till next time!
P.S. Rossi predicts a weasel takeover in chapter five.
