You guys are so awesome with your comments; they really always make my day. I'm really happy to know I'm making you laugh. I know life can be suck-tacular sometimes so that's why I wrote this; in the hopes of making those hard times a bit less harder :)
Fanfiction Trauma
Just wanna point out 2 things:
1.) Any mistakes you see in the story inside the story, such as grammar and spelling, are all intentional.
2.) I stated in the beginning that I wasn't gonna read any real stories. The ones I use are all made by me, therefore I can flame the heck outta it.
Chapter 14: Jotch (Hotch/JJ) and Psycho Beth
Garcia pulled away from Hotch to shoot a death glare at Morgan. "Way to crash the mood Derek."
Morgan raised his hands up in defense. "Sorry baby doll but someone has to do it."
"Well since you're so eager why don't you do it?" Blake suggested.
"No way, I only asked so one of you could do it." He protested. "And besides, I'd like to remind everyone that I've read twice already."
"One more wouldn't kill you." Seaver said, hoping he'd read.
"Actually it would."
Hotch crossed his arms. "If you knew how disastrous these stories were why did you invite me?"
Morgan placed his arm around him. "Cause we love you and we all wanted to see you."
Hotch's expression remained blank. "I may fire you."
"Hey, I got it!" Kevin suddenly interrupted. "I know how to solve our dilemma."
"Let's hear it." Rossi replied.
"I'll think of a number between one and twenty, whoever guesses it right will read."
"Brilliant idea Kevin!" Garcia praised making the man smile sheepishly.
"Nice try Kevin, but I'm not buying it." Morgan said. "Since you're the one thinking of a number than that'll exclude you from having to guess it."
"Yeah that isn't fair." Rossi added. "Why should you be the one thinking of the number?"
"Hey, it was my idea so it's my rules." Kevin answered with crossed arms.
"Maybe I should think of the number." Seaver suggested.
"You too?" Morgan groaned. "That just takes us back to square one again."
"I still think you should read Derek." Will joined in as he shot the man a glare. "If it weren't for you I'd still be with my wife and boy enjoying a nice day out."
"Technically you're still with them." Reid replied.
JJ sighed. "Can we act like the grown-ups we're supposed to be?"
Kevin smirked. "Okay Derek here's another idea, since you clearly disliked my first, how about we vote on it?"
Morgan paled.
This made Kevin's smirk grow even wider. "All in favor of Derek reading raise your hands."
The profiler began sweating up a storm as the entire room raised their hands. "Be reasonable guys... c'mon you don't want me to read, right?"
In response the others continued holding their arms determinedly in the air.
"You guys so suck." Morgan conceded as he made his way to the chair.
"Now what kind of crap are we going to find this time?" Seaver asked while he searched.
Rossi pondered for a moment before finally speaking. "I would say something OOC and dumb."
"Also something that will most likely not include me." Blake added.
"Yo I got one." Morgan called.
Important Bonds
"Good choice Morgan," Seaver praised. "With a title like that I'm sure it won't be a lame high school love story, or anything that falls in that category."
"I agree." Will added.
"It's exactly why I picked it."
By XORomanceNLoveXO
"Oh give me a break!" Morgan groaned.
Summary: There's a special bond between the members of the BAU that keeps them together. What happens when two members decide to transform their bond into something much deeper?
"Well they'd get Strauss down their neck." Rossi answered.
"And probably get the 'Hotch Talk'." Morgan added. "No offense Hotch."
"None taken."
It was another regular day for the agents of the BAU but it was also another stressful day for JJ.
JJ sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "Joy."
Morgan snickered. "Oh this is not looking good for you."
"When is it ever good for anyone?" Garcia added.
Reid began inwardly hoping it wasn't another pairing between him and JJ again. He edged closer to the screen so he could read over Morgan's shoulder.
None of her friends were blinded by her stress and they could easily tell she was not herself again.
"Hey you okay?" Emily asked.
"Good," Blake murmured. "Again it takes place before me. Although, I am a bit curious as to why I'm not as popular as you guys."
"You should be glad for that Alex," Kevin responded. "That makes your chances of being in these suck-tacular stories that much more slim."
"I guess I can take that as a win then."
"Yeah, just had a long day." She replied and left the 'again' part effectively out. She was glad there weren't any cases and it was just a paperwork day this time.
Emily reluctantly nodded and made her way out of her office and back to her desk.
"How is she?" Derek spoke once she sat.
"She says she's fine but I'm not buying it." Emily answered. "I don't like seeing her like this."
Will frowned. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm somehow the reason why JJ is upset... oh right, it's because I am. Jesus, I hate fanfictions."
"Who knows Willy, maybe this one won't portray you in a horribly OOC way." Garcia soothed.
"I don't know Penelope," Rossi said with skepticism. "This site doesn't seem to like Will very much."
"Why would someone dislike him?" Hotch asked in disbelief. "He's an outstanding detective who loves his family and friends."
Will scratched his head sheepishly, obviously flattered by the comment. "Thanks man, good to know some people think so."
Derek nodded. "I know. She's been so unhappy ever since Will ran off on her three days ago."
"What did I tell you guys! I told you it'd be me!"
"Getting married with him was an absolute mistake. He was nothing but a French moron."
"Is this author serious? I'm from New Orleans stupid bit—" Will cut himself off and instead took a few steady breathes to calm himself. He couldn't believe how these stories affected him.
Morgan chuckled. "This is what you get for thinking I should read Will."
"Can it Derek."
"Tell me about it Emily," he agreed. "He's almost as bad as that loser Kevin."
"Seriously?! Now what did I do?"
Emily turned to Reed.
Everyone stood speechless as the yell that had always preceded the mention of the genius had not come; an unfamiliar silence had come instead.
"What?" Reid asked as all eyes fell on him.
"Y-You didn't yell Spence." JJ said being the one to break the silence.
"Oh!" He replied as it sunk in. "Well that's because what Emily said there isn't my name, although it sounds the same it isn't my name."
"He's right," Seaver affirmed as she read from the other side of Morgan. "It's spelled differently."
"That's good news." Rossi said. "Now we don't have to cover our ears."
"What do you think?"
"I guess you have a point. If you ask me I say JJ is fantasizing about you-know-who again."
Derek chuckled. "I say we hatch a plan to get our two lovebirds together."
"Awww..." Garcia murmured. "I can't believe I'm not in this type of plan."
Blake's gaze went from Rossi to Hotch. "So one of you two is the other main character."
"It most certainly isn't me." Hotch said. "For one, I'm happily with Beth; and two, I have millions of tasks that are scrutinized by Strauss believe me when I say I do not want to add another one."
"Well it can't be me," Rossi shot back. "I'm practically the one who invented those fraternization rules."
"Does there have to be a pairing in all of these stories?" JJ grumbled exasperatedly.
"Well that future story didn't have one," Seaver replied. "Although it did imply one with you and Will, but hey, at least that was close to the truth... actually that might be as close to the truth as it gets."
"A pairing isn't included in every fanfiction story out there," Kevin clarified. "But... well to put it simply I'd say nine out of every ten stories include a pairing."
The three shuffled closer to hear and then began setting the plan in motion. Just as the day was coming to an end was when they made their move.
Emily had already gone to invite JJ out to the bar for later, so it was Derek's turn to invite Hotch.
"That still doesn't prove it's me." Hotch stated as everyone shot him a look.
"Hey Hotch we're all going out for drinks later on tonight, you wanna come?"
He paused his paperwork to look up. "Is JJ coming?"
"It still proves nothing." He repeated, getting annoyed by their glances. "My character is clearly only concerned about her, which is completely normal for me to do."
Rossi wasn't in denial like his friend was and he knew by now that he wasn't the second main character; but he figured by now the rest of the group already knew that too."
Derek had to contain his smirk. "Yup."
Then I'm coming."
Later on that day Hotch had begun getting ready to meet the team. His son was over at a friend's house so he could have the entire night to himself. Right as he reached his car Beth appeared.
That line greatly relieved Hotch. "It's as I said before; I am happily with Beth. I told you that my character was only concerned for JJ."
And yet, still everyone remained unconvinced.
Immediately Hotch sighed. "Yes?"
"So why haven't you returned my calls huh? And where do you think you're going? Well answer me?"
Hotch resisted another sigh. "Beth we've been separated for 6 months now."
"What?" Hotch said incredulously.
"Hah! I told you!" Rossi taunted suddenly sounding like a ten-year old boy. "You're the second main character."
"If you were here as long as I was you'd know these fanfiction stories never go how you'd want them to." Will added.
She twitched in a creepy way. "No we didn't we just chose to take a break remember?"
This time he sighed. "And I told you a week after that that it wasn't working out and that the break-up was permanent."
She smiled creepily. "Oh no you poor thing I'm not mad at you, so no need to make lies up."
Morgan chuckled. "They're portraying her so stupidly; I mean she sounds like some psycho stalker. No offense Hotch."
"Offense taken."
"Beth I have to go, I'll see you later." He quickly entered the car and drove like a bat out of hell away from there. That woman had issues.
"Wow, this is worse than the stuff they write about Will." Reid said.
"No Spencer, nothing is worse than the stuff they write about me."
He arrived at the bar and made his way inside. The team had already arrived and were waiting on him.
"So you finally came." Derek said.
"Yeah I'm here." Hotch replied. He narrowed his eyes slightly when he noticed a man trying to talk to JJ, but immediately smiled at how she brushed him off.
Hotch rubbed his forehead in attempt to control the impending headache. "Kevin, since you're the expert on Fanfiction dot net I'll ask you; why am I being paired up with JJ when she's married and I'm in a relationship already?"
"I've seen this type of thing a lot. Authors tend to replace most cannon stuff with what they themselves want."
"Um... cannon?" Seaver repeated.
"Cannon basically means what's currently happening in the original plot of a fandom; in our case, what's happening in reality."
"It's definitely good to have an expert here, Kevin." JJ said as she gave him a pat on his shoulder. "Without you we'd be so lost."
JJ noticed Hotch's stare and quickly averted her eyes. He was looking so good and she felt like drooling.
JJ shook her head as couple of snickers made their way to her ears.
Emily turned to nudge Derek. "It's working; bringing them out here was a great idea."
"I told you so. Now all we have to do is wait for the magic to happen." He said before going up to Hotch. "JJ is looking nice right?"
Hotch nodded eying JJ. "She is one smoking, fly woman."
The real one furrowed his brows in complete confusion. "What? Can someone elaborate what I just said?"
"It means you think she's hot." Morgan clarified.
"Since when does boss man talk like a douche?" Garcia questioned.
Deciding he couldn't wait anymore he began making his way over to her, causing the others to grin. "Hey, enjoying yourself?"
Before JJ could respond a high pitched voice called her boss' name. "Oh great." She said.
The unit chief frowned at the woman approaching him. "Do I have to file a restraining order on you Beth?"
Hotch clenched his fists, clearly bothered by his girlfriend's depiction. "Unbelievable."
"You know, I've only seen her a few times and I know enough to know she isn't some crazy stalker." Blake said with a shake of her head.
Seaver crossed her arms. "Does Fanfiction dot net allow anyone to be an author?"
Rossi placed a hand to her shoulder. "Sadly, kiddo, I think it does."
Beth pointed an accusing finger at JJ. "Stay away from my man you home-wrecker!"
"Shut up slut!" JJ fired back.
"Uh oh, cat fight." Morgan joked.
JJ rolled her eyes. "Grow up Derek."
Hotch flashed his ID at one of the security there and in moments Beth was tossed out the door and onto the alley, where she landed on some puke.
"You still think it's not worse than you Will?" Reid asked.
"I don't know... at this point it's reached the level of 'debatable'."
"Mine is worse than both of them," Kevin joined. "My character was shot like a hundred times."
"Jeez what did you ever see in her?"
Hotch sighed. "I don't even know. I guess since the girl I wanted was off limits I settled for less."
JJ tried not to let the jealousy show. "Who did you like?"
This was it. It was time. "You."
"Dun dun dun!" Morgan joked again only to be cuffed upside the head by JJ.
"Thank you." Hotch said.
"Anytime." She replied.
JJ gasped. "Me?"
"Yes, I'm sorry if this is sudden to you, but the truth is I'm crazy about you. I still am. So I was hoping maybe now that Will is out the picture we can go out sometime?"
JJ wasted no time in pulling him down for a kiss.
"It's been less than a week that Will left me and I'm already jumping Hotch's bones," JJ groaned as the headache from before began creeping back. "Well my character has sure outdone herself this time."
Will placed his hands on her shoulders and gently massaged them. This earned him a contented sigh from her.
"It worked!" Derek cheered as he high fived Emily and Reed.
"Thank God." Emily said.
They laughed as Hotch's hand disappeared under JJ's shirt.
"Jesus," Rossi said. "You're like a pair of horny monkeys... under an aphrodisiac... during mating season."
"And why the hell are we just watching them making out?" Morgan added. "That's seriously creepy."
"This story is one big train wreck isn't it," Blake commented.
"Wanna take this back to my place?" Hotch asked.
"Definitely."
End.
"That was awful just awful." Morgan said as he practically jumped off the chair. "I did my hell, now it's someone else's turn."
Kevin smirked. "Shall we vote on it again?"
Morgan made an 'X' sign with his arms. "Oh no you don't. Since I read I get to decide on how we'll settle this."
Author's Notes
No I don't think Beth's a psycho, nor do I dislike her. She makes Hotch happy and I for one think he deserves happiness given everything that's happened to him. I decided on doing a Jotch story because it's a popular pairing in this fandom. I'm neutral to the pairing but I have read some good ones featuring them. I just stay away from the ones that butcher Will and the ones that butcher Beth.
