Man I love writing these stories. So onto the story; about the topic I'm gonna be touching in this chapter... it's eh, one I've seen a few times and not just on the Criminal Minds fandom. So prepare to be freaked out.

Fanfiction Trauma


Warning! Proceed with caution.

You have been warned...


Chapter 16: A Horror Called Mpreg

"You sure you weren't expecting anyone Reid?" Blake asked.

"Completely positive." He assured.

"Oh this is ridiculous!" Garcia groaned in an exasperated manner. "It's probably some stupid sales guy. Everyone stay here," she huffed as she stomped out. "I'll get it!"

"She scares me sometimes." Reid said as he cowered behind JJ.

"Join the club." Rossi added.

"I happen to love that about her." Kevin sighed dreamily.

"Hey Morgan, if I find out you called someone you'll regret it." Reid said.

"Oh I'm petrified." Morgan mocked with fake fear.

"Alright boys," JJ cut in. "Break it up."

Right then Garcia had opened the door. The scowl she had dissipated upon seeing the face. Her jaw dropped and she yelled in surprise.

The tech's scream had the team and everyone else but Kevin -who was ordered to watch the children- rushing out the door. They burst through the room at once, almost stumbling over one another in the process.

"Freeze!" They all shouted with Reid and Hotch donning their firearm.

"Jesus, I come in peace!" The frightened visitor from London said while holding her hands up.

It took a moment for it to sink in. After a few seconds of silence the room erupted into excited yells.

"Emily!"

Soon said woman became tackled with a barrage of hugs; with Hotch's hug being the only one that was controlled.

"I knew somehow I'd get you here!" Morgan exclaimed as he nearly lifted her off the ground with his bone crushing bear hug.

"What brings you here?" Hotch asked with a rare smile.

"Yeah, uh... surprise." Emily answered as she scratched her head awkwardly. "Or... that's how it was supposed to go."

JJ sighed in relief when everything had been cleared out. "Hey Kevin the cost is clear."

Kevin appeared in the room with the two boys by his side. Upon seeing their new visitor they all rushed over to her, similar to the adults, and latched onto her.

"Emily it's you!" They cried happily.

Emily smiled and kneeled down to embrace the two boys. "I'm so happy to see you boys. Wow, have you boys gotten taller? You sure look it."

"Really, thanks!" Jack replied as he soaked the compliment up.

"It's cos' daddy gives me lots of cereal." Henry added.

"What happened Emily?" Reid asked.

This caused her to frown. "You wouldn't believe how hard it is to surprise you people. First I went to the BAU to surprise you guys and imagine my surprise when I find out you actually got a day off; then, I go to Rossi's and find out he's not there. I went to JJ's and she's not there either so finally I head to Reid's, only to find all of you here... and some extras. Although, it is good to see everyone."

"Funny," Seaver said. "I was just talking about you a while ago; how it'd be nice if you were here. I'm glad you came."

Emily couldn't help but smile at that. "Me too, and it's good to see you again Ashley." She eyed Blake. "You must be Alex Blake. Nice to see you in person."

"Likewise." Blake said with a handshake.

"This is just amazing!" Garcia cheered. "I can't believe you're here angel! The family is now complete. We're going to have so much fun like as if you'd never left!"

"That was the plan Penelope."

A dark idea suddenly popped into Morgan's head. He coughed dramatically and successfully got their attention. "Hey Em, I got the perfect bonding activity we can do to kick things off."

JJ shot daggers at him. "Are you serious Derek?! She must be exhausted from her flight and you want to show her that?"

"Yeah man," Kevin agreed. "Not cool."

"Besides I thought it was my turn to pick a reader out." Will complained like a ten-year old.

"You'll pick the next one out man." Morgan replied. "Right now I want to show Emily this."

Emily grinned and wondered what sort of thing Morgan was scheming. "I'm not exhausted or anything like that. Let's do this."

Morgan smirked. "That's my girl."

"So what is everyone doing here anyways?" Emily asked as they headed to the room. "Is this some sort of house party? Because if it is then I'd suggest we take it to Rossi's."

"Nah it ain't a house party," Will answered with a chuckle. "We just all crashed here because of Derek."

"Why am I not surprised?"

Morgan beckoned the laptop. "Feast your eyes on this."

"Oh... it's a laptop."

"Wrong, it's Fanfiction dot net." Morgan corrected.

"Am I supposed to know what that is?"

"It's this website where anyone can post stories on their favorite movie or TV show."

Emily sighed. "You want to check a website out?"

"But it isn't just any website," Kevin added from his spot. "There are stories that include all of us."

"You mean us as in 'us'?" Emily asked.

Morgan placed his hands on her shoulders and guided her to the chair. "Why don't you read one for yourself?"

After Kevin had explained everything they'd read and the special vocabulary they'd witness it was safe to assume Emily was creeped out. A part of her was telling her to just run and immediately book the first flight back to London; and yet, the daring side of her wanted to take up the challenge. And so she did. Minutes later she'd landed on one.

"Found one."

The Miracles of Life

"Children." Will stated as he sent his son a loving smile.

Hotch couldn't agree more as he eyed his son happily playing with Henry.

By BlakeRocks32

A sheepish smile crossed the agent's face at that line. "How flattering."

Summary: There's nothing better for two people who love each than bringing a baby into their lives.

"Heh," Will smirked. "I couldn't agree more."

This will include Morgan and Reid—

"Aaahh!"

"Jesus, are you trying to blow my eardrums out?" Emily hissed as she rubbed her ears.

"Oops, I'm sorry Emily." Reid apologized.

"Sorry for not warning you about that." JJ said. She placed a hand on Reid's back. "Our whole encounter with this site has left Reid here with what Rossi has diagnosed as Fanfiction-itis."

"It causes him to yell involuntary whenever his name is mentioned in Fanfiction dot net." Seaver added. "Poor guy didn't ask for any of this."

"Geez... you should get that checked out." Emily said with a worried tone.

"He will." Hotch replied before Reid could protest.

Slash.

"No!" Morgan and Reid cried.

"Yes!" Garcia cheered.

Rossi groaned. "Emily you just had to land on this one didn't you?"

"Hey whoa," Emily defended with her hands up. "I had no idea this would include that."

"Why me cruel world?" Reid mumbled.

Mpreg.

"What's 'Mpreg'?" Emily said as she read over the summary again, having not noticed Kevin look up suddenly, the largest and most horrified expression covering his face.

"Have mercy Emily!" Kevin practically begged as his horrified expression grew. "This is just too much!"

"What is it?" Seaver asked, getting cold feet all of a sudden.

"It's so wrong, so sick, I-I, dear Lord..." Was all he managed to utter before poor Kevin passed out.

The group immediately shuffled towards him with Will catching him before he fell.

Garcia then placed his head to rest gently on her lap. "My God, what happened?"

Will examined the body. "It's alright he just passed out. Poor guy, he must've been put into some sort of shock."

"I think it's safe to say we should just skip this story." Rossi pointed out.

"But that would go against all we've decided on since starting this ordeal." Reid replied.

"Daddy, is Kevin sleeping?" Henry asked.

"Er... yeah. He's just tired." Will answered before turning to Reid. "Hey Spencer, you got a place where he can rest."

"Uh... yeah! The couch," he quickly answered and motioned for him to follow. "Put him in the couch."

"Derek, give me a hand will ya," the detective said as he began lifting his friend up.

"Got ya," Morgan replied and the two were able to lay Kevin onto the couch in Reid's living room.

Garcia eyed him sadly before placing a small kiss on his forehead. "Don't worry Kevin; whatever this 'Mpreg' is that freaked you out can't hurt you anymore. Just sleep it off."

Back at the room the adults were having second thoughts on whether they should read this story.

"I can take it guys," Emily said. "We've been dealt with worse haven't we?"

"The rules do say we can't stop once we've begun, so regardless we're stuck with it." JJ added. "It looks like we'll just have to figure out for ourselves what this 'Mpreg' is."

The two laid Derek's bed on their free day. The two lovers were glad to be lying next to each other. Derek had his arm draped around his lover's abdomen.

Reid grimaced. "Abdomen..." That sentence just sounded really wrong.

"Oh God, this is gross." Morgan muttered.

"I'm so glad the fans of this crappy show hate me enough to only portray me as an unsub." Will stated.

"Lucky." Rossi mumbled to himself.

"Our baby will be great." Derek said. "Hope it's a boy."

Reid—

"Aaahh!"

raised a brow. "Oh, so you want a boy?"

"Well... heh yeah." Derek said as nuzzled his neck.

"Aw man, a kid," Morgan grumbled, slumping his shoulders. "It's bad enough it's slash, but I don't want to think about me and Reid as parents... well, maybe it'll at least take the focus off the slash. How are we getting this kid? Adoption? Surrogacy? You know what I don't care how, just please take the focus away from the slash... please..."

"Hey," Henry cut in. "Where do babies come from?"

The room silenced.

"Uh... honey, why don't you continue playing with Jack?" JJ said. She was definitely not having this conversation now.

This caused the other to giggle like a schoolgirl.

"Hah!" Morgan laughed.

Reid on the other hand hated his depiction.

"I know we'll be great parents"

"Hopefully it has my eyes." Derek said with a smile.

"Yeah, you're eyes and my hair."

"Impossible." Reid stated. "There can only be one dad, depending on who the sperm donor is. I of all people should know, I have an IQ of 187."

"This was clearly written by a thirteen-year old girl who doesn't get out much." Rossi said.

They had a great relationship together and maintained it for five years. Although, Derek always took the dominant role.

"LALALA! DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT!" Reid yelled, slamming his hands to his ears.

Morgan stuck his head out the window for air."Oh God I feel so sick!"

Blake raised a brow. "These kids should be supervised while writing these stories."

"Or, they should pick up another hobby." Rossi added.

That was the reason to how this blessing had happened.

As calm and collected as Hotch naturally was, he couldn't help but narrow his eyes. That sentence just sounded... so wrong.

Derek laid his head on his lover's engorged belly. He could feel the life inside kicking.

Reid's eyes dilated to the point where some thought of going over there and shoving his eyes back into place.

And everyone froze.

The group's expressions kept going from confused to disgust. Even the stoic unit chief had several emotions on his face.

"But wait," Jack spoke. "I always thought only girls can have babies?" Beside him Henry nodded his head.

Nobody dared to answer that.

Reid was going to have Derek's baby. This was what he had always wanted.

"W-Wha..." Reid just couldn't form coherent words. The scream that had always come after his name was mentioned hadn't come. At this point he was beyond any yelling.

It may have been unplanned, but a blessing nonetheless.

"W-Wh-Wha..." It was as if the genius had been deprived of his ability to talk.

It was almost time for the baby to come. He heard stories on how it was a very difficult and painful process, but it'd be worth it.

And that had been Reid's boiling point. "You sick twisted girl!" He charged towards the screen, but his legs gave away and he fell halfway. "How can someone do this? Why?!" He choked back a sob, begging to god that at the very least the process would be taken care of by a C-Section.

JJ kneeled by him. "Spence!"

"Dear Lord," Emily breathed out. "This is so sick and—" She couldn't even finish her speech.

All went to chaos afterwards.

Morgan buried his head in the waste can by the window and puked his head out. Rossi had calmly excused himself to the bathroom to do what everyone assumed was puke. Will began holding his breath in the hopes that he'd make himself pass out. Hotch remained as stone faced as ever but in the inside he was going crazy.

Seaver closed her eyes shut and attempted to find her happy place. Blake began taking deep breaths to calm herself. Garcia was on the verge of a panic attack. Emily was having horrible luck trying to book a flight back home.

And poor Reid began reciting the numbers of pi to block out the images.

Emily decided then that it was up to her to finish this hell so her friends could regain their sanity.

The only composed individuals were the children

Suddenly Reid felt a wetness in his lower region. His water had just broken. "My baby is coming!"

Derek immediately dialed for the hospital.

"Where is it even coming from?" Garcia asked.

The statement only made Morgan puke harder. "Babygirl I don't want to imagine— damn it! I'm imagining it!"

"3.14159265359..." Reid continued mumbling the numbers of pi and refused to let his mind wander anywhere else.

At that moment Rossi had he reentered the room, looking like a zombies as the color in his face was gone. "These little girls and their horrible imaginations. Clearly they have yet to take a sexual education class."

Emily stopped reading for a moment to click the author's username and browse through her profile."Says here she's twenty-three."

"Goodness, humanity is screwed."

*THUMP*

Everyone turned to Will who had just succeeded in knocking himself out.

"Wow!" Henry cheered. "Daddy fell asleep standing!"

"That weasel takeover is starting to become vividly clear now." Rossi said.

"Tell me about it," Garcia agreed.

The ambulance soon came, and loaded Reid into the back with Derek never letting go of his lover's hand.

"I'm so scared Derek."

"Don't worry baby, I'll be here with you."

They had to inform their friends eventually, Derek knew that, but all he could think of right now was the love of his life.

End of chapter 1

"Jesus," Emily gasped. "This has fifteen chapters!"

"Get out of this horrible story!" Garcia said.

She didn't need to be told twice as she clicked the 'back' button. Immediately afterwards she jumped off the chair as if it were acid. "I did my turn so someone else go."

"Ohhh..."

A groan caught their attention and they turned to see Kevin in the doorway.

"Hey guys... what I miss?"


Author's Notes.

Mpreg is most certainly not my cup of tea... but whatever floats your boat. Don't worry guys, everyone will live... somehow.