I dedicate this story to my grandfather, as well as many other people out there that have lost a loved one. Though they may be gone now, they still leave a lasting impression on you long after they're gone. It's up to the people that they left behind to never forget who they were, and what they left behind. I love you Grandpa, and I miss you terribly.
The ones left behind
It was always an omen in the Asahina household whenever Wataru would come home crying. Even if it wasn't the swollen and puffy red eyes or the bags under his eyes, it was still disheartening to see someone who was usually so happy look so miserable and defeated. When someone dies when you're too young to remember them, it becomes all that more painful once you get older. And it seemed today that death had visited him at school.
Wataru just wanted to start the day off as he usually did. He wanted to get dressed, eat breakfast with his siblings, and go off to school like every other eleven year old. He thought that it would just be another boring day at school. There would be English, maybe a history lesson or two, math or even P.E. Fate seemed to have other plans for him. When he got to school, he saw his class lined up outside. What was going on? Why wasn't his teacher in here? Some time later, another teacher opened the classroom up, only to deliver the worst news that's ever happened.
Wataru's world suddenly became gray. The substitute teacher's words sounded so far away, and he felt sick. He could hear the name of his teacher and how she passed away so suddenly from an aneurism. It couldn't be right? There was no way that she was dead. It had to be an incredibly cruel prank someone was playing on the class. It just had to be! Or maybe he was trapped in some really bad dream, and he had yet to wake up from it.
But it wasn't a bad dream at all. Nor was it a cruel prank. It was the reality that he was stuck with. The sound of crying and disbelief rang throughout his classmates firmly pulling him back into reality. Death waited for no one and comes for you when you least expect it. It didn't matter if you were old or young, death doesn't discriminate. And when it does strike, it leaves devastating consequences on those left behind. A somber atmosphere hung in the class for the rest of the day. It was amazing how they even managed to get through the day like this.
Wataru walked all the way home feeling numb and confused about what happened. How could this happen to her? She always took care of herself and she never indulged in any bad habits. How could someone who was always so healthy just die so abruptly like that? Many questions continued to eat away at him. He seemed to have more questions than answers, and it just only served to make him feel even more depressed over this whole situation.
And who should greet him when he got back home than Ema. Though he loved his step sister dearly, he wasn't in the mood for her. Instead of greeting her like he usually does, he instead buried his face into her cardigan and began to sob. The events of what happened overwhelming him and finally hammering in to him the cold harsh reality of this situation. Eventually his sobs had attracted the rest of the Asahina clan to his plight. His older brothers knew that Wataru being THIS upset was never a good thing at all. Even the brothers who would act like they didn't care about him got worried.
"Wataru! What's gotten into you all of the sudden?" asked Ema as she rubbed her stepbrother's back.
"She's gone..." he choked out
"Sensei... she's really gone and there's nothing I can do about it!"
An air of eerie and somber silence hung in the air. Some of them looked at each other in disbelief. Others took to beating up some innocent couch cushions in anger and frustration. Ema knew that Wataru losing his teacher was traumatizing enough for him but why were the others reacting like this? Did they know her? After Wataru had calmed down some time afterwards, Masaomi decided to explain to Ema why everyone had reacted the way they did.
Chigusa Kishitani taught all thirteen of these boys for the past 30 some odd years. She watched them grow for each of the years that they were in her class. If only she could now see just how much they've changed after they graduated! She'd been the one to spot whenever one of them were having troubles in class and to cheer them up when they were down. The very thought of her being gone was enough to dampen anyone's mood.
"She taught every single one of you?" asked Ema.
"That's amazing. I wish she could have taught me as well."
Though she was an outsider, she couldn't help but feel sad that this person was gone. And she didn't even know who she was. She just wished that she could have grown up with the brothers in her life as a kid. Wataru sniffled beside her, eyes dry and puffy from crying.
"I thought it was just a horrible prank that the teachers were playing on us. I thought that she was going to come out from behind the door and yell "just kidding! Fooled ya!" but it's not."
Masaomi rubbed his back as another wave of sobs took a hold of him.
"Why did she have to die? She didn't even get to see me graduate yet!"
What could his family even say to him? Though they were all older and wiser, none of them could really explain to him why death was the way it was. Sometimes you could tell when someone was nearing their demise, other times, it just comes out of the blue and there's nothing you could do about it.
"I don't know kiddo. I don't understand it either..." replied Masaomi.
Ukyo contacted Hikaru, Natsume and Fuuto of what had happened. And it wasn't pretty. Natsume stood on the other line in shock and disbelief. Hikaru went into heart breaking hysterics while Fuuto demanded if this was all a horrible prank that his family was playing on him. When he was informed it wasn't, the boy whose whole career was about putting on a mask for his fans broke down in despair. A somber atmosphere hung through the air through the rest of the night. No one really got a wink of sleep that night. The next day was just as painful for Wataru. And so was class as well. He still tried to convince himself that it was all just a bad dream, but the vase of flowers on her desk said otherwise. There was to be funeral held for her over the weekend and as such, there were no classes to be held on Saturday. But even so, no one was in any mood for celebrating. The school had hired a grief counsellor to come by and hold sessions for everyone who knew her and talk about their memories of her, but Even then, it just made him miss her even more.
The eldest brothers in the Asahina household were no strangers to death. Especially Masaomi himself. His father had died some time after Wataru was born, and along with his mother had to be the pillar of hope for everyone to support. It had hurt him so much after he had died. Miwa had wept for days and his brothers either too shocked or depressed to do anything. Having a newborn, on top of raising twelve kids by yourself and losing your spouse did very awful things to a woman. What was she supposed to do? Masaomi had always been very responsible growing up, which came with having to look after 12 little brothers. But at that time, they needed someone to turn to. And so at the age of 21, Masaomi took on the role of being a new father figure.
Who would have known that eleven or twelve years later, he'd have to take that role up again? At least now, he had Ukyo and Ema by his side. Though it wasn't very fair to push on the role of a grief counsellor on a sixteen year old, she had an outsider's view on this situation. In addition to that, ever since she moved in with them, everyone flocked to her as yet another beacon of light. And it was for those very reasons this household needed someone to keep everyone together.
It was a warm spring day on the funeral. Dozens of former students, staff, and current students filled the chapel of the funeral home. Not a dry eye was found throughout the hall. The Asahina family included. It was a fact that no sane human really liked going to funerals. There was nothing fun about watching people cry until their eyes were red and swollen and their noses cracked and dry from blowing them so much. Ema was mostly brought along for emotional support for her stepbrothers. She didn't have to come but she did so anyways because she felt like all thirteen of them needed it. Especially Wataru.
He had been dreading going to her funeral all week. Who could blame him? He felt like he was going to hurl from stress and fear. The over whelming scent of flowers made him feel dizzy, and the wafting smoke coming the incense made his eyes sting in addition to the tears that were already flowing down his face. Not even the presence of his stepsister was going to take the edge off. After the monks had said concluded their rituals of severing the deceased's link to the living world, it was time for everyone to say their last goodbyes to her.
It was painful for Wataru having to listen to his brothers talk to her lifeless corpse about how much they've grown and what they're doing now. Most of his brothers had gone off to have successful careers, and where was he? He was still a kid in school who didn't have any direction in his life on what his future was going to be like. She died without seeing him accomplish great things. Once it was his turn, he had to bite back all instinct to run out of the chapel right there and then.
The woman who had looked out for him when he was being bullied now laid there in a tiny wood coffin devoid of any life. Had she died peacefully? Or was she in a lot of pain? All these questions raced through his head as he took a paper crane covered in writing out of his pocket.
"Sensei, thank you for looking out for me. I know I might not be the best student around, but you never gave up on me. I never knew you had taught all my brothers before me. I always thought that I was the only Asahina you had taught."
He placed the crane in the box beside her, tears still dribbling down his face. Though it filled him with so much fear and dread, he placed his hands on top of her withered cold ones.
"It must be lonely on the other side, so I made you a crane." He choked out through a forced smile.
"I g-guess this is goodbye then. I'll see you again someday."
He spent the rest of the service crying with his family and watching the pallbearers load her coffin onto a hearse. He didn't know if she was going off to get buried or cremated, but all he knew was, this was going to be the very last time he was going to see her.
Weeks had passed since that depressing day. The gloomy atmosphere was beginning to lift over his school and at home. Wataru sometimes put on a cheery face to make sure no one pitied or worried over him, but no one was fooled. Everyone knew that he was still hurting weeks later. Once Kaname and Masaomi caught him crying in the bathroom, the two of them knew that they needed to have a serious talk with him.
"Why can't I move on?" asked Wataru
"It's been weeks since sensei had died and yet, why does it still hurt so much? Why can't I move on like everyone else in my class? Why can't I forget about her?"
Masaomi and Kaname both gave their frightened baby brother a hug to soothe his tortured and tormented soul.
"Wakkun, it's not so easy to just get over someone's death." Replied Kaname
"No one really stops grieving for the deceased. Those that do are strong, but those that don't still do no matter how old they are. Even if they act like they've moved on, they're probably still hurting on the inside."
"But you can't let it consume you for the rest of your life." Replied Masaomi
"No one wants to stay sad forever, though there are times when you'll still miss them terribly. It's okay to cry when you do, but remember the happier memories you had with them. Would Sensei want you to be sad all the time?"
Wataru thought about this. What would Chigusa-sensei even do if she saw how sad he was all the time? Would that put her at ease? Or would she be upset about making one of her students cry like this. Even so, there were still some things that were bothering him. Things like the fact that his teacher didn't even get to see him graduating from school or even have a career. Would he have been considered to be a failure then?
"Does Sensei see me as a failure because I didn't graduate yet?" he asked
"Of course not! Why would you ever think that?" replied Masaomi
"Regardless of what she may have felt about you or your class, there's no way she would ever think that about you or anyone else."
"Besides" Kaname piped up
"You're not the only person that misses her. I'm sure everyone else in your class misses her too. They just have different ways of showing it. We miss her too."
Both men squeezed Wataru's hands, a small bittersweet smile on their faces. Wataru had forgotten for a while that every single one of his brothers used to be students of hers. And perhaps they were right. Perhaps even those who pretend to smile and laugh like it's nothing are still hurting on the inside. Even if no one ever stops grieving for those who aren't here anymore, time would eventually heal all wounds no matter how big they were.
The next day, Wataru's school had announced that they were going to erect a garden dedicated to their late teacher. And so he found himself helping out with landscaping as well as planting and watering the flowers over the rest of spring and summer. And though the plants may have wilted once fall and winter rolled around, he knew that one day that they'll come back. In fact, he knew that maybe one day, she'll be reincarnated again and they'll cross paths. After all, everything and everyone had to die some day, but life will always start anew somewhere to make up for it. But until that time came, just continue live like everyday could be your last.
