Appreciate the feedback as always guys. This topic was something I have been sleeping on for too long so I had to add it; everyone has been requesting it and it's my duty to aim to please.
Fanfiction Trauma
Wow KASEY64, you're my 600th reviewer. What an awesome coincidence since you were the first reviewer to give me my first 100th mark.
Chapter 23: Femslash
"I am utterly speechless right now." Rossi muttered.
"This is so wrong," Will added as he swung his arms up in the air. "The one fanfiction that actually doesn't sound too bad just had to be the shortest one too didn't it?"
Garcia sighed. "I knew it was too good to be true."
"Jesus, that was like a bad punchline." Kevin groaned. "I can't believe I didn't remember in time to save us."
"This is complete bull," Morgan complained while he paced around the limited space left in the room. "We finally find a good story and it turns out to be like ten words."
"Oh um, actually it was a hundred words." Reid corrected.
"Whatever." He retorted while continuing to pace.
"Would you cut that out already Derek," JJ groaned as she clutched her head. "You're starting to give me a headache."
Morgan frowned and halted for about two seconds before sitting himself down, albeit frown still present. "This sucks."
"No kidding," Seaver agreed from where she stood. "That's not right."
Emily tore her gaze away from the screen as if it emitted a bad smell. "How can a freaking ten worded story be a story?"
"A hundred words," Reid corrected again.
Emily shot him a glare. "Put a cork in it already."
"Well I kind of liked it," Blake stated. "It was short and to the point; there was no excessive amount of unnecessary details and no OOC."
"True," Hotch agreed. "Most of these long ones have been nothing but torture; at the very least this was too short to actually do any harm."
"I guess we should look at the glass half full then." Kevin said.
The room stood silent for a moment. They all had been avoiding the question on their mind, which is until Morgan spoke up.
"Okay, elephant in the room," he began. "So I'll say it, does this count? Like was this the 'one'?"
"I don't know..." Garcia murmured. "Seems like it didn't exactly meet expectations."
"No kiddin'," Will agreed. "I thought after all the pile of mess we've been readin' the good story would finally make it all worth it."
"I'll tell you one thing son," Rossi began as he pointed to the story still visible through the screen. "There was nothing of worth in that story."
"So I guess that answers it then." JJ added.
"This is unacceptable!" Seaver snapped as she made her way over to the chair. "I'll get us out of here once and for all."
"You go superstar!" Garcia cheered.
"Aww," Henry whined. "I wanted to do the straw thing again."
Seaver smiled. "Sorry little man, next one will be on you. Okay?"
He nodded satisfied with the response. "Okay."
"I'm glad Ashley stepped up to the plate." Kevin said. "Because I definitely didn't want to read."
"We're all in agreement." Hotch replied.
"Hey I know," Blake suddenly spoke up and got their attention. "Since the story we read was as close as it got to a good story I think, we should look up the username and see if they've written another one."
"That's genius!" Emily said before turning to Seaver. "Hey Ashley, you heard that?"
"Way ahead of you," Seaver said as she clicked on the username. "Here goes."
"Well?" Reid asked.
A second later and Seaver had slammed her head on the keyboard. "This author specializes in only drabble stories."
"Well ain't that just peachy." Rossi commented dryly.
"So I suppose we're back to the drawing board." Hotch added.
"We should've so expected that one." Garcia said with a frown.
"I don't see how this could possibly get any worse." Emily growled as Seaver began searching again.
"Careful," Kevin warned. "That could come back to bite you."
"What's worse than this?"
"Found one." Seaver interrupted.
False Feelings
By BitchezRuleOvaDicks
"My, what a lovely name," Rossi commented dryly. "Very expressive."
"I don't even think it's allowed to have usernames with curse words." Kevin added. "I mean it's a site for all ages including children."
"Well by the look of things it looks like a child wrote this." Morgan exclaimed.
"Hmm... I'm curious Kevin, do you write any stories?" Blake asked.
"Who, me? No, I don't write any I just review them."
Summary: Emily—
"Oh joy, I'm included." Emily said with zero enthusiasm.
has never once in her life liked Will.
The detective facepalmed.
Emily chuckled and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry Will it isn't true. The entire group here is important to me, including you."
"Heh, thanks."
He was never the one for JJ especially since he wasn't who she deserved.
"And who am I to decide who's good for JJ? We're not in high school; she's a big girl who can very well make decisions for herself; proof enough for that is that she chose Will, whom is a great guy for her."
Will smiled sheepishly and pulled JJ closer. "I couldn't agree more."
But little does she know that she's in for a huge surprise. Contains femslash.
"Huh?" Seaver murmured before turning to a red faced Kevin. "What's femslash?"
"Well... um, er..." Kevin fumbled for the words; he knew the ladies wouldn't be pleased. "It's uh, the opposite of slash."
"What?!" The women shouted.
"Oh really," Morgan smirked. "Doesn't sound too bad if you ask me."
"Why don't we give it a try," Rossi suggested wearing the same cheshire grin as Morgan. "I think it sounds like it's worth a shot."
"Why don't any of your responses to femslash surprise me," Blake stated with a sigh. "Men."
Emily watched as JJ was currently on her phone having a shouting fight with none other than Will again. She rolled her eyes and sighed. What JJ saw in that loser she had no clue.
"So I'm gonna go ahead and assume this is an Emily and JJ pairing." Garcia pointed out.
"Like hell," Emily quickly denied her character's role in the story. "There's no proof to support that theory."
"Well you are the main character." Kevin added.
"That doesn't prove it's me," she argued. "For all we know I could just be playing wing woman for JJ and settling her with someone else."
"Could be." Reid further supported.
"But I wanted JJ and Emily together." Morgan complained only to receive several pointed glances. "Hehe, of course this all just wishful thinking."
"Staring again?"
She blushed and shot Derek a glare. "Shut up!"
"Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it." He said with a laugh. "Just admit it, you're crazy about her."
"Okay... I am."
Emily slammed her head on the wall. "Not irony again... anything but the irony."
JJ pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why have I been paired up with everyone?"
Morgan chuckled. "Tell me about it. The only one they haven't paired you up with is Rossi's dog."
"But she's with Will," Derek deduced with a sad look. "I think you're way better for her."
"If only she could see that." Emily replied before grabbing her files of her desk. "I'm handing these to Hotch, later."
"I can't stand it," Penelope exclaimed as she approached Derek. "They belong together. Why can't JJ see it? I don't know what she sees in a lying rat like Will."
"Why do these stories always portray me as either a lying rat, a cheating rat, or both?" Will asked with a frown. "If they claim to be such big know-it-alls then I'd very much like to know when I have lied or cheated on JJ."
"You tell'em Willy." Garcia said with a high five.
"We should let JJ know how Emily feels about her cuz otherwise she'll never find out."
"I'd like to point out that I'm not really the guy to meddle in other people's love life." Morgan said.
"Great idea! We'll tell her at Rossi's party." Penelope replied. "Today we'll get them to finally admit their feelings for one another."
"I can't believe this," JJ groaned. "What is wrong with these authors? Hopefully I'm not made out to be OOC."
"I'm under the suspicion that the authors do this on purpose." Seaver stated. "They probably hate all of us."
"You may be onto something." Hotch agreed.
Later that day Emily arrived to Rossi's mansion for the party. She honestly wasn't in the mood to party but he'd insisted on her going so here she was. The place was already buzzing when she'd arrived. She went straight to the kitchen for a drink.
Her eyes suddenly landed on the blond woman who'd been running through her mind. Her jaw almost fell off. JJ was looking finer than ever she just wished she could have her for dinner.
Morgan grinned wickedly. "Well how bout' that, two hot ladies engaging in a love buffet. Now that is something I can sink my teeth into."
Emily frowned and elbowed his ribs. "Shut your corny ass up."
She frowned when she noticed the man next to her. Though, she figured she should've seen it coming.
Across from the kitchen Penelope had watched the scene. She rushed over to JJ. "Hey got a minute, good."
"Where are you going?" Will asked.
"Girl talk." Was all Penelope replied.
"It really does sort of bother me how Will always gets the short end of the stick in all the stories." Rossi exclaimed. "He's about to get dumped."
"Yeah," Garcia agreed. "Willy is also a part of the family."
"It's such a good thing we don't really act like children in real life." Blake stated. "Can you imagine?"
Reid cringed. "I'd rather not."
"Thanks for the rescue." JJ said. "God he's so insufferable."
"It's nothing. If you're so upset why don't you leave him? You know some people would kill to be with you."
"Pfft, yeah right. Like who?"
"Well a certain girl drinking in the kitchen does. You may know her."
"Here it comes." Hotch grumbled.
"When have I ever shown any signs of loving JJ?" Emily exclaimed angrily. "Oh that's right, never."
JJ's eyes widened slightly before shaking her head. "I can't... I'm with someone."
"You're unhappy with him and you deserve to be happy."
"But... we're married."
"So what! Just get a divorce and that's it."
Will frowned. "Way to spit on the bond of marriage."
Hotch was also appalled at how the author could play around with marriage. "Clearly this person has no morals if they write out the sacredness of marriage as nothing more than an obstacle in the way."
"You know what? You're right. I'm going over there now."
Reid furrowed his brows in confusion. "So... just like that?"
"It's fanfiction Spencer, what'd you expect?" Seaver answered with a chuckle.
She walked over to where Emily was by the bathroom. "I have something to tell you."
"Huh? What's up?"
"I love you."
"That didn't take long." Kevin joked.
JJ frowned at her portrayal. "God this stupid. I'm not in love with Spence; I'm not in love with Hotch; I'm not in love with Rossi; I'm not in love with Morgan; and I'm most certainly not in love with Emily. The love of my life is Will. Can we quit butchering my character already for God's sake?"
Emily wasted no time in shoving JJ inside the bathroom and pressing her lips to her. She wanted to ravish the woman like crazy.
Emily could have died at the moment. Her character was acting like some hormonal teenage boy. She buried her head on Hotch's shoulder, whom eyed her sympathetically and patted her shoulder. He knew what it felt like to be portrayed in an OOC hormonal manner.
Morgan did a wolf whistle. "And we officially have lift off."
"Do you ever shut up Derek?" JJ growled.
"Nope."
"What about Henry?" JJ asked breathlessly.
"How nice of my character to just now remember about her son."
"He can move in with us. We'll both be moms to him and Will can take a hike."
Henry tilted his head in childlike confusion. "Uh I alweady' have a mommy... I don't want another. I have daddy too and I love daddy. I don't want him to leave."
"And daddy loves you and he'll always be by your side." Will said as he brought the boy into his arms. "Because that's how things truly are with us, right buddy?"
"You bet!"
"Sounds like a plan. Now shall we take this to Rossi's bed?"
"Damn right."
Rossi grimaced. "Now that is just disturbing. I have several guest rooms in my mansion, use those instead."
An: That shall be all for chapter one. Make sure you put this on your alerts or you'll miss out on the fun.
"Like I'd add this story to my alerts." Seaver said as she hopped off the chair. "Sorry guys, I guess I couldn't find us a good story."
"No one blames you kiddo." Rossi replied.
"I liked it." Morgan exclaimed.
The women all shot him a death glare.
Author's Notes
I'm no fan of femslash but it's been requested the most and it's actually quite the popular pairing. I have no problems with the pairing or genre though. Anyways, terribly sorry for making you wait guys :(
