Yeah I know guys, I suck at updating. It's nice to know you're all getting a good laugh though as that was the entire point of making this fanfic.

Fanfiction Trauma


Thanks bandgeek18 for being my 700 reviewer! At this rate I may reach 1000!

Don't feel self conscious Duality98, believe me when I tell you that what ever you write won't suck as much as what the crew has been reading.

No ellierocks12, that story wasn't based of a Dora the Explorer story. I've never watched that show. Sorry for being a slow updater :(


Chapter 25: Spencer/Hotch (Spotch... or whatever the pairing is called)

Garcia sighed. "Guess it is back to the straws."

"It feels like we're never going to see the end of this doesn't it?" Rossi commented bitterly.

"Yeah," Emily answered. "We're never going to find the one."

"Still though," Blake murmured. "We have to keep going."

"Yeah, what kind of profilers would we be if we didn't see things through to the end?" Morgan added.

"Pretty lame ones." Kevin answered with a chuckle.

"Exactly, I for one am not a lame profiler."

"Although I would've worded it differently than Morgan, he's right." Hotch said.

Will nodded. "Let's get back to searching then."

This time Jack took the straws and Henry played security. It was clear to anyone who entered that the young children were the only ones whom were enjoying themselves.

"Okay, go." Jack said as he held the bundle of straws up.

The group sighed and began the process once more.

"And I have dodged the bullet!" Garcia cheered happily.

"That makes two of us." Emily said.

Hotch groaned as he held the one object no one wanted to hold. "It seems I'm reading."

"Seems like it," Rossi joked as he maneuvered him towards the laptop. "Try not to look too excited there Aaron."

"Yeah save some for us." JJ added teasingly.

"Don't worry boss man, I've got your back." Garcia assured him with a smile.

"Thank you Garcia." Hotch replied as he scanned the list of what had been dubbed as suck-tacular stories.

"So who wants to bet against the idea that the next one is going to suck as well?" Morgan asked only to laugh at everyone who shot him a glare.

"Do you realize how unfair those odds are?" JJ replied.

"That's like a hundred to one." Emily exclaimed.

"Nah I know that. I was only messing with you guys." Morgan responded. "I didn't seriously mean it. I know how much they suck and how impossible it'd be to find a good one."

"Found one." Hotch cut in.

My Protector

By UnsubsSuckButtz

"That's one way of defining them." Seaver said earning some laughs.

"These guys and their usernames are hilarious." Morgan exclaimed while laughing.

Summary: There's a crazy unsub who's set his sights on none other than Spencer—

"Aaahh!"

Reid.

"Aaahh!"

Rossi sighed. "They just had to use his full name didn't they?"

He's been targeting Spencer—

"Aaahh!"

Reid—

"Aaahh!"

Emily frowned. "Seriously?"

for a while now and he's run out of patience. Luckily for Spencer—

"Aaahh!"

"Oh come on!" The group yelled in exasperation.

Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose. "Garcia, please cover Reid's ears. I think this may be a case of excessive repetition."

"You got it sir!" Garcia replied before shuffling towards Reid. "You heard the boss."

"There's really no need... I'm fine." Reid replied feeling sheepish about being babied.

"Nope, no arguments. Now come over here sugar."

He sighed in defeat. "Fine."

Reid he has someone protecting him. Watch as Spencer Reid deals with all the mess aimed towards him.

"Done?" Reid asked.

Hotch nodded and the tech removed her hands from the man's ears. "That was much better than having you hear, right?"

I guess so... thanks guys."

The day had just about finished for the team and all that was left was to crash on their beds and call it a day.

But for—

"Please tell me they aren't going to do this again." JJ grumbled.

"Garcia." Hotch said.

"Sir yes sir!" Garcia replied before clamping two hands over the exasperated genius.

Spencer Reid there was a horrible ordeal about to be unleashed on him.

"Nice call guys." Kevin said.

"I really don't see why they use your entire name." Blake stated. "One or the other should be fine."

"Exactly," Morgan agreed. "It isn't like there's another guy called Spencer in the team but him."

He was headed to his usual parking spot in the parking lot. Somehow he couldn't shake that eerie feeling and the air felt strangely chillier than before. It felt ominous.

Will raised a brow. "I've seen enough fanfiction stories to know he's about to get kidnapped."

"Why is everyone always getting kidnapped?" Seaver groaned. "We're not that vulnerable."

"Yeah, it isn't like we're agents working under elite forces or anything." Blake added jokingly.

While he was placing his jacket in the car a man who had been hiding jumped out.

"It's a trap!" Reid joked before pausing. "Oh wait... I'm getting kidnapped!"

He placed a rag with chloroform over his face and made him sleep. He was taking him alive.

"Why chloroform?" Will asked. "If they want to keep you— I mean, your character, alive that is."

"It's quite the common misconception," Reid answered. "In movies when an unsub—"

"Killer," Kevin corrected.

"Right, when a killer kidnaps someone by placing a moist rag over their mouth it's assumed by the average person to be chloroform, although this is not necessarily the case, especially if the intent was to keep the target alive. This is because even a bit too much could prove fatal."

"So what's usually used?" Garcia asked.

"Desflurane, sevoflurane, isoflurane, enflurane, and halothane," this time Hotch answered before turning to Reid and chuckling. "Am I right?"

"You're correct Hotch."

The next day he hadn't shown up at the conference room when the rest did.

"Where's the kid?" Derek said.

Hotch tensed. "Have any of you called him?"

"I'll do it." Blake replied.

Blake sighed. "Out of the thousands of stories published I'd say about ninety percent don't include me, so tell me, what are the odds that we land on the ten percent that does?"

JJ reached out and patted her arm sympathetically.

A minute later and she returned to the conference room. "I'm only getting his voicemail."

"We have to check his house!" Hotch said already rushing out.

"What about the case?" Penelope called out to him.

"Fuck it!" He shouted.

Hotch had to pause to run a hand through his hair. He couldn't believe his characterization or lack thereof.

"I appreciate the warning about the OOC." Rossi stated sarcastically.

They began retracing their lost member's steps eventually landing on his still parked car.

"Something is definitely odd here." David said with a frown. "He's still parked here."

"Let's dust it for prints." Derek suggested.

"Shouldn't that be a job for the CSI unit?" Seaver said.

Meanwhile...

"W-Where am I?" The room was dark and his groggy mind could hardly make any objects out.

"You are finally awake." The kidnapper spoke.

"Who are you?"

"That doesn't matter. All that matters is that this is your new home."

"What?" His senses we're just about back.

"You belong to me know."

He panicked. What will he do? We're the others searching for him? He hoped so because he had no clue what to do? A rescue tactic was a must.

Reid sighed. "Do I always have to be a damsel in distress in these stories? I may not be as big as Morgan but I can handle myself well enough in solo situations or under extreme circumstances. I'd like to believe that I've matured and changed throughout my years in the BAU."

"Don't worry Reid, we know that." Seaver assured him. "Don't let the stories get to you. I can definitely see you've changed."

He smiled. "Thanks Ashley."

"I agree with her." Emily added with a smile.

Back at the BAU the team was racking their brains trying to find their missing teammate.

Hotch faced JJ. "JJ didn't Reid—

"Aaahh!"

tell you about some problem where he felt he was being watched?"

"Oh yeah he did!"

JJ shook her head in an annoyed manner. "How nice of my character to have just remembered that important detail."

JJ said. "I can't believe I forgot. I remember telling him he was being paranoid."

"And how nice of my character to have just blown off one of her supposed most precious friends."

"We have to take it from there then." Hotch replied holding in his anger. If anything happened to the genius he'd go insane. He didn't know if he'd be able to cope with losing another person he cared about, especially him. The man hadn't left his thoughts since his initial joining of the team.

Rossi frowned slightly. "I don't think I like where this is headed."

Hotch sighed once again. "Had I just arrived here I would've stated how it's normal for me to be worried about a teammate, but," this time he paused to rub his temple. "I think by now it's been established what these things usually lead to."

Morgan scoffed. "Thanks for the slash warning."

"Hmm... usually the authors put warnings for this type of fiction." Kevin stated.

"Well this one clearly missed the memo." Will replied.

Garcia smirked. "Boss man and boy genius huh? Yeah, I can dig it."

"What will I do with you?" Reid grumbled.

"Hey, I'm just glad this takes place after my departure and not before." Emily added feeling the need to point that fact out.

Back at the hideout...

"Are you comfortable?" The kidnapper, who had introduced himself as Stan, asked.

"Untie me... please." The genius begged. He couldn't take this.

"We tried that already." Stan said as he rubbed a bruise on the man's face. "You can't be trusted dear."

(BANG!)

The boor burst open and the team entered.

"That didn't take long." Garcia said.

"What were you expecting, a plot?" Seaver joked.

They immediately emptied their clips on him without skipping a beat.

Kevin cringed. "Ouch, that sure brings back bad memories."

"Guys." The exhausted captive muttered.

Hotch ran towards him and pulled the rope off his weak and fragile body. The guy definitely bruised easily so that was why he needed to be watched constantly.

Reid twitched but remained silent.

"There's an ambulance outside, you'll be okay now."

"I'm just glad you're here Hotch. You saved me."

"I mean it was a team effort but sure, just thank Hotch." Morgan said sarcastically. "Hey kid, your character in this story is a douche."

At the hospital Hotch had remained by his lover's side—

"Oh come on! Must I really be paired with everyone?" Reid snapped.

through the entire time. When he finally awoke Hotch made sure to place a loving kiss on him.

"Nnghh, hey I'm tired and I need to get better."

"I understand." He said glumly.

"I'm glad. When I get better we can do that."

Hotch nodded."I hope you get better soon though. I can barely contain myself."

The unit chief had to resist the urge to slam his head on the wall repeatedly.

Fin

A/N - This is my third story with these two XD! Make sure you review.

"Why would we review a hunk of OOC junk?" Kevin said.

"And no surprise that this wasn't the one we were looking for either." Blake murmured.

"That was my torture." Hotch said as he happily got off the chair. "If I read anymore of this type of story I may have to be placed in the emergency room."

No one could've told for sure if he were joking or not but they figured —or profiled— that he wasn't.


Author's Notes

Not exactly my pairing so I improvised again. This was requested by my buddy bandgeek18 and I think by someone else too but I forgot who exactly.

Keep those requests coming :)