And here we are yet again. What's up my fellow fanfiction-ers, it's that time again. As always I appreciate the continued support and the toleration as I know I suck at updating.
The topic I'm touching in this chapter will be the rated M stories but since this is a rated T story I won't include much graphic-ness. Expect a lame plot (or lack of) as always.
Also, I'm keeping this a rated T story and I don't necessarily see myself changing it in the near future.
Fanfiction Trauma
Since people asked for it, Gollum-Will is staying for a bit.
Chapter 28: Horrible Love Scene
"Will, snap out of it already." JJ said as she waved her free hand in his face.
But the detective was unresponsive and simply took a hold of that hand as well. "Preeeecious."
"Dude this is so awesome." Kevin said while holding up his phone. "Hold that pose I'm gonna get a picture."
"Would you knock it off Kevin?" JJ replied with a frown.
"How much Lord of the Rings did you watch anyway Will?" Emily asked.
"The entire series," JJ groaned. "At night too; I don't even remember how he got the movies, one day he just entered with them."
Garcia raised her hand timidly. "Oops. I may have loaned him my collection."
"Well," Hotch began. "He's clearly watched too much of it."
Morgan chuckled and approached Will. "Hey buddy, have you found the ring yet?"
Will narrowed his eyes. "We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious." He shot a finger in Rossi's direction. "They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbits. Wicked, tricky, false!"
"Hobbit? Well, I suppose I've been called worse."
Seaver elbowed Morgan. "Cut it out Morgan. You aren't helping with your dumb comments."
"Ow," he winced before snickering. "Sorry, couldn't help myself."
"You'd so make one heck of a Comic-con partner, Will." Kevin added.
Reid turned towards Blake whom seemed surprisingly unperturbed by the situation. "How are you so calm about this?"
"I assumed we'd all be used to this insanity by now." Blake replied.
"I'm sure this is just some sort of crazy fanfiction phase he's going through." Morgan added. "It will soon pass."
"Just stay by his side JJ and eventually he'll be back to normal." Emily said in reassurance.
JJ eyed her hands currently being held by her husband. "Not like I have a choice."
"Don't worry Master," Will said. "Smeagol protect us and," he paused to point at the mouse. "The precious too."
"So I guess Will thinks the mouse is the ring." Garcia pointed out.
JJ frowned. "No Will, that's a mouse not a 'precious'." She tried prying her hands out of his grip but had zero results. "We aren't in a stupid movie either."
Rossi eyed the two sympathetically before sitting on the chair. "Why don't I handle this one?"
"You won't hear us complaining." Emily said.
"We're going need some major therapy to get this out of our head." Morgan exclaimed while Rossi began the search. "Especially Will and Reid."
"Something tells me we're all going to find ourselves in an insane asylum by the end of the day." Blake added.
Garcia sighed. "But I can't be away from my gizmos. Me without my electronic devices is just wrong. It's like stripping an engine from a car or an old man from their cane, it's wrong."
"No, you wanna know what's wrong, baby girl," Morgan began with crossed arms. "Slash involving us. That's wrong."
Reid cringed. "You said it. That's just wrong."
"Found one." Rossi called.
The group began making their way to their spots on the floor. JJ was practically rooted to her spot so she simply took a seat where she was. She sighed and was relieved when she turned to her son and found both boys asleep.
"Master, what are we doing?" Will asked. "And why is the hobbit using our precious?"
Had her hands not still be in his grip she'd of facepalmed. "I'm not your master and that isn't a precious, it's a mouse."
He chuckled. "Oh silly Master, how can precious be a mouse when it has no tail?"
"Argh!" JJ groaned. "I didn't mean it like— you know what? Forget it. Just listen to the story or tale or whatever it was called in your timeline."
"Have it your way Master."
Rossi took the ex Media Liaison's angry stare as his cue to start.
Taking the Unbeaten Path
"Sounds like a mystery." Garcia said.
"You mean it sounds like it came out of Fanfiction dot net so it's going to certainly suck." Seaver replied.
"Oh right, forgot for a second."
By ShemarMoore&MatthewGGFan
"Who?" Morgan asked with a clueless expression.
In response the others (expect Will whom was staring at the 'precious') shrugged in unison, albeit JJ's shrug was an awkward attempt as her hands were still in Will's hand.
"These kids and their pop singers." Rossi said with a shake of his head before continuing.
Summary: The story revolves around Spencer—
"Aaahh!"
and Prentiss.
"Joy."
Up until today Prentiss has been unable to control her pent up emotions. She can no longer hold in her huge feelings of love.
"Oh for fuck's sake."
Watch as she takes things into her own hands and things heat up.
Rossi paused momentarily to raise a brow before shrugging the thought off.
The team had just about finished with their case in Los Angeles and they was all excited about going out.
"Were," Reid corrected. "It should say: "And they were all excited about going out."
"Grammar Nazi." Kevin muttered.
"So who's up for drinks?" Derek said.
"Count me in." Penelope replied before turning to Rossi. "You in?"
"Why not?" He nodded.
"Me too." Blake added.
"Yes!" Seaver cheered. "This takes place after I left."
"But how can I be in the story if Emily is in it? Aren't I her replacement?" Blake asked.
"Hopefully this is some sort of AU story in which you're my replacement, and therefore sparing me from the tragedy that is certainly going to be this story." JJ replied.
"I'm in too." JJ said.
"Or not."
Derek turned to Hotch. "How about you Hotch?"
"No thank you, I have some errands to attend to so I can't make it."
The bunch that already been included in the story frowned. "Aww no fair!"
Hotch simply smiled to himself, delighted to know he would be spared from the impending doom.
"You coming Emily?" Derek said.
"I'm coming."
Morgan grinned. "That's what she—"
"If you start with that 'that's what she said' crap again Derek so help me I'll," Emily paused to calm herself down before shooting him a glare. "I'd think twice if I were you."
Morgan cowered behind Garcia. "Right, got it, hear you loud and clear."
"Good. How about you pretty boy?"
"Uh... I don't know. I'm a bit tired."
"Nonsense." Penelope cut in as she dragged him upwards. "You need to loosen up more. You're coming with us and I'm not taking no for an answer."
The genius sighed. "Sure okay."
The bar they were in was pretty crowded and immediately Derek was surrounded by women.
JJ rolled her eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"
"Hey it's not my fault I'm so irresistible."
"Don't listen to him Master." Will said in his still possessed state.
"I'm not Master! I'm your wife, promised one, your beloved, get it?"
"Haha, you jest Master."
"Catch you guys in a bit." He said before storming off with some woman in his arm.
Rossi and JJ arrived with another round of drinks and placed them on their table.
Prentiss narrowed her eyes when she noticed some woman eyeing Spencer.
"Aaahh!"
"What do I care if Reid's getting the looks?" Emily said with a shake of her head. "It's not like it's my business or anything."
Rossi smirked. "I think that woman is trying to get to know you better. Go on over and talk to her kiddo."
"Oh... er, I don't know. I'm not really good with those things."
His smirk grew. "Well lucky for you you have a friend who happens to be an expert in it. You wait right here and I'll work my magic. That lady is going to be groveling at your feet soon."
"Well they got Rossi's character down." Seaver joked.
"What? I am appalled. My protégé should know better than that. I happen to have a lot more class than the way the story is depicting me."
"Keep telling yourself that." JJ added.
"No wait you don't have..." before he could halt him the agent was already by the woman's side and pointing in his direction. "Great."
"Quick Spencer—
"Aaahh!"
let's ditch." Prentiss said as she dragged him away from their booth.
"Thank you. I thought I'd never get out. I owe you one."
"Why don't I take you back to the hotel, you look like you had too much to drink."
"That would be nice."
Little did he know that Prentiss had ulterior motives for taking him back.
"What did the summary say again?" Seaver asked.
The two returned to the hotel and upon reaching the door Emily pushed the door open and shoved him inside.
"Someone likes it rough." Morgan joked.
"Shut up Derek." Emily retorted.
"Gah! I can't hear this!" Reid yelled in embarrassment before burying his head in his hands.
"Hey what are you doing?"
"Quiet. We're doing things my way now."
"My preeecious..."
"Would you give it a rest already?" JJ snapped in annoyance.
Suddenly she pulled out cuffs and a rope out from her purse—
"Oh for the love of God." Emily muttered into her palm.
"I'm assuming this was planned." Blake said. "I don't think agents carry those things in their purse on a regular basis."
"For the sake of the bureau I hope they don't." Hotch added seriously yet they laughed regardless.
and strapped him on the bed post by his hands.
"Wait," Seaver cut in. "So Reid just allowed himself to get strapped?"
"I know I would have done the same in his situation." Morgan replied as he winked at Emily.
This earned him a bloody nose.
"Hey what's wrong with you?"
"I told you Spencer, it's my way now."
Rossi paused and turned to see why Reid hadn't yelled. The young agent was huddled in the corner with his hands glued against his ears and his eyes shut tight.
"Hey Reid this scenario is the best you could've asked for!" Morgan shouted as he attempted to pry his hands away from his ears. "Now get your butt here and listen up!"
"No, no! You can't make me!"
"Quit being a pansy!"
"Damn it Derek leave him alone!" Emily snapped as she placed him in a headlock. "If he doesn't want to listen then he doesn't want to listen. You hear me! No means no!"
Hotch sighed in exasperation at the scene. He couldn't believe their behavior. "Just continue Dave."
He blushed. "W-What are you gonna do?"
Emily chuckled amorously before ripping his clothes up.
"I did what now?!" Emily shouted from her current position of holding Morgan in a headlock.
"The hell is the rating on this?" Morgan managed to ask through gritted teeth.
"Uh..." Rossi paled as he noticed the rating. "It's a rated M story."
"I definitely don't want to hear now!" Reid shouted as he slammed his hands to his ears.
"I do recall us, on several occasions, explaining how we did not want to encounter any love scenes from these horrible excuses for stories." Seaver said. "Remember Rossi?"
"It was an accident guys I didn't notice."
"According to the rules... we have to read it now." Kevin replied with a nervous gulp.
Garcia took a hold of his shivering hand. "It's okay Kevin; we're all in this together."
"I think I would rather get burned alive then hear this." Blake stated.
"Imagine how I feel." Rossi exclaimed with a worried expression. "I'm reading it."
Hotch eyed the two boys fast asleep. "At the very least the boys are safe. No matter what happens to me long as their safe it'll be fine."
JJ smiled. "I couldn't agree more."
"Preeeeecious."
"SHUT UP WILL!"
The group (excluding Reid) all shouted.
"I'm going to give you the ride of a lifetime."
"W-Wait you don't have to..." He muttered nervously. "Where did this come from?"
She maneuvered herself atop him before whispering in his ear. "I love you."
"How does that answer the question?" Garcia said.
That was the last words that she said as she pounded onto him. She began doing him.
"Ohhh!" He moaned.
"Ugh!" She moaned.
"Ahhh oh wow!" He moaned.
"Uuuuhhh!" She moaned.
"My ears can't take this atrocious love scene!" Kevin yelled as he covered his ears.
Morgan rolled around in laughter. "Damn I can't feel my ribs! This stuff is as comedic as it is depressing!"
"I don't think I've ever heard a more horrendous story." Seaver added.
"There I go!" Reid shouted as he shot his load.
"Wow that was wonderful." Emily replied as she collapsed on his chest.
"We should do this again some other time."
"You got it."
A/Notes - Next up is chapter 2: Chains and Whips. Stay tuned.
"That was an absolute abomination." Rossi said as he pushed away from the chair. "I actually feel like I've gotten many of my brain cells fried."
Blake nudged Reid. "It's over now."
He blinked twice to make sure he was alive. "I'm so relieved. I didn't allow not one word to enter me."
"Trust me pretty boy," Morgan laughed. "The story had enough 'entering' in it for you to—"
He was cut off when Emily cuffed him. "Put a sock in it alright. It wasn't funny at all. For God's sake my character tied him up."
"I was tied?!" Reid cried out in disbelief. "Oh no, horrible images are coming to me... must repress it! Thanks a lot Morgan."
"No she didn't mean it literally," Morgan lied in attempt to console him. "She meant it... in a joking kind of way."
Reid looked at him with hopeful eyes, the images slowly leaving him. "Really?"
In return Morgan grinned and rubbed his head gently. "Really."
Nobody noticed Will creeping towards the laptop until he shouted in glee. "Yes! Yes! Precious!"
Everyone turned to see Will holding the mouse up and eying it as if it were a valuable gemstone.
JJ frowned. "Guys get the preci— I mean the mouse!"
Rossi and Kevin tackled him down and tried prying the mouse from him but he held it with an iron grip.
"Stupid hobbits!" He leaped out of their hold only to be tackled by Morgan and was sent flying across the room.
"I got it!" Morgan said only to receive horrified looks. He noticed they were staring behind him so he turned and eyed Will's unconscious body. He chuckled nervously."Whoops. I uh... guess I don't know my own strength huh?"
Author's Notes
So much insanity in one chapter huh guys? Hope I didn't overload you guys. Any who, that is what you call a bad rated M story although I've never read one that bad and I hope I never do lol. I can't quite remember who suggested the whole dominate Emily/Reid thing but that was for you.
Hope you all enjoyed the holidays :)
