Wow 1000+ reviews! I can't believe it! I love you all! Damn it though, sorry about my horrendous hiatus. Had to get this monkey off my back. Stubborn thing won't get off. I know, I know, I'm awful. Anywho, thanks TakumaIchijoluver for this idea.

Fanfiction Trauma


Big thanks to IntoTheWilds for being my 1000th reviewer.


Chapter 30: The Little Detectives

"Seriously, I don't think any good stories are in this section." Seaver complained, arms crossed.

"Drabbles seem decent," Hotch replied. "Albeit too short, but decent nonetheless."

"Yeah why couldn't they be longer?" Will asked with an annoyed frown. "They're too short to cancel out the numerous awful stories we've read."

"Why don't we just read several drabbles to fill the void?" Reid suggested.

"Not such a bad idea." Blake stated. "If we read enough decent drabbles maybe it could possibly snuff out all the bad fanfiction in our systems. We could be out of here sooner then later, and I'd rather avoid the 'later'."

"They're like ten words each. We'd have to read like a thousand to snuff out all the bad fanfictions out of our system." Morgan grumbled.

"So then... back to square one." Emily stated with a frown.

"Let me have a crack at it," Will offered only to be halted as soon as he'd gotten up by a worried JJ.

"No! Absolutely not!" She exclaimed as she took a hold of his arm.

"Huh? What's the problem?" He questioned.

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you on that chair." JJ stated, her resolve showing no signs of letting up.

"I know they're awful but I'm trying to help find the 'one'. Nothing wrong with that now right?"

"Sorry, but no. I'm not having you go all Gollum on us again. Not again."

"What?!" Will asked in shock. "Does this have to do with my recent blackout?"

"Yes actually," Blake answered from her spot. "You transformed into the character from Lord of the Rings. Obviously not physically, but mentally you were the Gollum character."

"But I don't even like Lord of the Rings!" Will protested still in disbelief. "As a matter of fact I don't even recall watch..." He paused as a previous memory came into play. "Oh boy."

"Well?" JJ enquired.

The detective rubbed an exasperated hand through his hair. "Well... there was that night we came home from Dave here's party. I saw the entire series. Let's just say I may have had a bit too much to drink."

"That's an understatement." Seaver added.

"Look who cares how it happened. The bottom line is you aren't reading." JJ said.

"JJ is right Will, we can't allow you to read just yet." Hotch said. "Sit this one out."

"I'll take your turn bro." Kevin exclaimed as he made his way over to the chair. "Leave it to me."

Will grinned. "Thanks brother."

"By the way Kevin, have we covered all the common topics there is to fanfiction?" Garcia asked.

"Hmmm..." Kevin pondered aloud. "I think so. No other thing comes to mind yet."

"I don't think I have it in me for a new topic." Emily grumbled. "I've already ingested too much."

"Imagine how I feel?" Reid replied. "I'm the one with the eidetic memory." He cringed. "I may never get this out of my system."

Seaver placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and smiled. "We're all here for you Reid, till the end."

He eyed her gratefully and patted her hand. "I appreciate it. Thanks."

Rossi smiled. "She's right. Don't worry we're all in this together."

"Yo guys, found one!" Kevin called and the guys made their way to their spots on the floor.

"I swear if it's bashing my character I'll puke." Will muttered.

Big World Small Minds

By IHeartDavidRossi

"Not sure if I should be flattered or worried, especially given the typical minds of these children."

"At least you won't be bashed." Garcia said.

"Aah, how very true."

Summary: We all know how our favorite Criminal Minds cast are all so stuck up and never have fun—

The crew twitched.

"In our defense I'd like to point out that we all have difficult jobs so it's hard to be all sunshine and smiles." Emily said. "And that's where Garcia comes in."

JJ nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she does all the smiling for us and keeps us leveled."

"We'd probably be cuckoo by now if it weren't for Penelope." Rossi added.

"Baby girl's job is even harder than ours when you think about it." Morgan joked. "I mean we all must be such pain in the asses!"

Garcia smiled. "You're not so bad. As glum and zombie-like as you guys can be I wouldn't replace any of you."

"We're all grateful to you Garcia." Hotch added with a rare smile. "Really."

"It works both way my angels."

but what if we can change that? Here's a look at our agents solving crimes but as... CHILDREN!

"Dude! Come on," Morgan rubbed his ear and glared at Kevin. "Man, did you really have to shout that?"

"Yeah was that really necessary?" Reid asked.

"Sorry, just trying add emphasis by reading it the way the author wrote it. You know? To make it a bit more interesting."

"I highly doubt that's possible." Seaver said.

That's right you heard me! The team is all solving crimes as ten year olds.

"I'm assuming by solving crimes the author means that we'll just be searching for whoever stole the cookie from the cookie jar, am I right?" Blake asked.

"Definitely," Will answered with a nod. "I mean, you guys are gonna be ten."

"At least it'll limit our exposure to people." JJ said with a relieved sigh. "Most likely we'll just interact with other kids. Nothing catastrophic can come from that whereas as adults... well you get my point."

The team was all huddled up by Rossi's tree house. It was just after school so they had plenty of time to work their usual work.

"Sorry I'm late!" Derek shouted as he made his way up the ladder. "I'm here now."

"It's okay Derek." Hotch replied before turning to the already assembled group. "Can we begin now?"

"I've been hearing through the police scanner—

"I thought we were ten?!" Garcia gasped in shock.

"I didn't even know what that was when I was ten." JJ said before sighing. "And I'm sure we all know the path this story is taking."

"The stupid one." Morgan groaned.

and I hear there's been several disturbances downtown. We should check it out." Rossi said.

"What kind of kids are you?" Blake wondered aloud.

"What are we waiting for then?" Prentiss replied.

"Get the supplies and let's move it!" Hotch ordered. He turned to Penelope. "Keep us posted Garcia."

"Why are you calling me Garcia? We're ten years old. Surely we'd be on first name basis, right?"

"Or so you'd think." Hotch replied.

"Yes sir!"

The team all made their way downtown where the alleyway was. It was time for a stakeout. The van—

"The what?" Will exclaimed with a raised brow.

was parked right in the park. It had a nice vantage point through the entire area. It wouldn't too hard to pinpoint the killer should he arrive.

"Okay Derek, see anything?" Rossi asked.

"Nope, not yet." Derek replied. He was in the back of the van looking through the windows with his binoculars.

"Are we sure he'll show up?" JJ said.

"It's his comfort zone. It's only a matter of time." Hotch answered.

"How are we in a car?!" Morgan snapped. "How are we using a police scanner? And why are chasing unsubs?"

"These stories get weirder and weirder." Blake stated with a sigh.

Seaver sighed after her. "More like stupider."

"Yeah, shouldn't we be playing freeze tag or something?" Garcia added.

"I got something!" Derek called out as he waved for the team. "Come check this!"

A man not too far away from their van was heading their direction. He wore a dark jacket with goggles just as the 5 victims all had reported to the police before being killed.

Emily raised a brow in amusement. "Bit nice of the unsub to give the victims the chance to write a police report before killing them."

"And even nicer for the cops to not seemingly do anything about it." Rossi added in a bored tone.

"Talk about plot holes." Garcia said.

"I see him! I see him!" Prentiss shouted.

"So do I!" JJ screamed right next to her.

"Why are we screaming when the unsub is apparently, as the story said, 'not too far away'?" JJ exclaimed.

"I just noticed I'm not included." Reid pointed out from his spot on the floor. "Thank goodness."

"As we planned." Hotch said and pushed open the door of the van.

"Stop right there!" Derek ordered, jumping out the van.

"We've got you cornered!" Prentiss added joining Hotch and Derek, JJ following in suit.

Will chuckled. "I'm sure the guy must be shaking in his boots at the sight of a bunch of ten year olds telling him what to do."

Upon seeing them he shook in his boots.

Will stood motionless but found himself blinking twice at that.

He wasn't a stranger to this group. They were the special group of professionals. They were the government's FBI Youth Agents.

Kevin paused and turned to the others. "So I'm sure the author is eleven or twelve."

"Most likely." Morgan replied shaking his head. "FBI kids?! For God's sake what will these guys think of next?"

Hotch felt a headache threatening to set. How children could be enlisted into the FBI in any universe was beyond him.

The man bolted and headed for the alley. "Fuck you!"

"Get back here!" Derek said and gave chase with the rest following his lead.

"After him!" Hotch ordered. "Don't let him escape!"

Will put a hand to his mouth to prevent his chuckling from growing. "A grown man getting chased by a group of ten year olds... that is one heck of a mental image."

Having enough Derek pulled his gun out and shot the man point blank in the head.

A silence ensued.

"Whoa..." Garcia murmured. "That's brutal."

"FBI Youth Agents," Will began, pausing to examine the group involved in the story. "I'd say you're more like the Children of the Corn."

"Or the exorcist." Seaver joked.

"Nice shot!" JJ congratulated him with a high five.

"Good work everyone." Hotch said. "Let's call this in and head out for drinks."

"We must be rocking some pretty sick fake IDs for us to get drinks." JJ commented dryly.

"Hang on, if we're FBI agents then what was the need for the police scanners at the beginning of the story?" Emily asked before chuckling a second later. "Oh right, eleven or twelve."

"I'm buying." Rossi offered. "Let's invite Penelope. We couldn't have done this without her help."

"So it's settled." Prentiss added.

And so it was another job well done for the FBI Youth Agents. They headed out for the bars in celebration.

Fin

A/N - Well what do you think? I should definitely continue right? Okay I will! Review please whores.

"You just called us whores why would we wanna review?" Kevin said before stepping off the seat. He dusted himself off. "Well I sure had enough. It's someone else's turn now."

"Anybody wanna take a crack at it?" Morgan said, getting no volunteers as expected. "Didn't think so."

"There's no way you expected any other reaction." Garcia replied.

"Nope."

"You know what this means," Rossi stated. "Time for picking someone out at random again."

Everyone groaned and prepared for the horrid possibility of having to read.


Author's Notes

Again, sorry for disappearing like that. It's harder to find the time to write nowadays. It was a lot easier back in my high school days. -Sigh-