Chapter 4

AN: I'm going to try updating everyday because I'm ahead in chapters. I'll let you know if that changes. This chapters painful…. Sorry.


May 10th 2020

Six days have passed since Alex tested positive for COVID and ever since her symptoms have been getting worse, she has become sicker. While Alex has been in isolation Olivia, Liz, Antonio, Barba and even Fin have all been in frequent contact with her and have been leaving supplies at her door so that she has everything she needs.

Even with how weak she is feeling there has been something that she needed to do and so Alex has been in bed on her laptop, fighting to keep her eyes open as she tries to get down what she needs to do. Finally, after what feels like an eternity to her Alex finishes what she needs to do and sends it to Barba who is arranging certified copies, one of which he is arranging delivery for, while keeping another copy safe for her.

Once she is finished Alex puts her laptop next to her bed and once she does she picks up her phone and makes a call.

"Alex? How are you feeling sweetheart?" Olivia asks concerned, answering after only a couple of rings as she has been keeping her phone close to her these days.

"Exhausted," Alex admits, feeling too weak to lie, which immediately concerns Olivia.

"Then you should get some rest," Olivia tells her.

"I will," Alex says. "I just needed to call first," Alex admits. "Rafi going to mail courier some documents over to you tomorrow, I wanted to give you a heads up," Alex explains as she knows it wouldn't be fair to Olivia to just get these particular documents without warning.

"What kind of documents?" Olivia asks, as she feels her heart sink as she has a suspicion that she knows exactly what kind of documents Alex is talking about, she just hopes that she is wrong.

"Documents naming you my power of attorney and medical proxy, as well as a certified copy of my will," Alex explains. Naming Olivia her Power of Attorney and Medical proxy were something she didn't even need to think about, just like the fact that she will leave Vita Nova to Liz and the rest of her estate split between a trust to keep the organization running, Olivia, Liz, Barba, and Antonio who gets the majority; she just knew it was what she wanted. It was what she needs to assure would happen.

"Alex..." Oliva says, sounding horrified as if Alex is preparing documents like that, she must be even sicker than she suspects.

"It's just in case Liv," Alex tells her. "Rafi will have copies, but I wanted you to have them too," Alex explains.

"Okay, but I'm not reading any of it unless I have to," Olivia informs her, as she knows that she cannot bring herself to do that unless she absolutely must.

"Okay," Alex responds, as she just needs Olivia to have the documents.

"Are you sure you want me to have your medical proxy, not Barba?" Olivia asks as she wants to make sure that Alex is completely sure about that, and she doesn't know to ask about Antonio.

"I'm sure, I trust you the most," Alex says as she is cut of by a coughing fit, as the trust she has in Olivia is different to the trust she has In Barba, and she also knows that she doesn't want to put those kind of decisions on Antonio.

"Alex…" Olivia says, sounding worried.

"I'm so tried Liv," Alex admits.

"Then get some sleep, I'll call again in a few hours," Olivia tells her, doing her best to use a comforting tone of voice rather than a worried one.

"Okay," Alex says, before hanging up without saying goodbye. Even with how exhausted she is Alex knows there is one more thing she needs to do and so she sends a message to Liz saying that she needs her to finish some documents that are in their legal practice management program. She tells Liz to finish them then send them to Barba to do a check as they need to be filed ASAP. While Liz and Barba still haven't met the two of them have been frequently talking by email and text.


While Alex is in bed feeling incredibly week Liz is in the apartment, she shares with her twin brother. While Dickie is cooking Liz is sitting at the bench on her laptop. Feeling annoyed by all the noise her brother is making, not to mention the smells Liz can't stay quiet any longer.

"Okay, what the hell are you trying to cook?" Liz asks annoyed, looking up from what she is doing.

"It's a recipe one of my army buddies sent me," Dickie explains. "I can't pronounce the name, but we had it when we were deployed, I felt like having it again," Dickie explains.

"Well I'll give you a tip, whatever you're trying to cook, you're failing," Liz informs him.

"Yeah, thanks Elizabeth, I got that," Dickie says, sounding annoyed, causing Liz to roll her eyes as her phone goes off.

"Oh god," Liz says, sounding horrified as she reads the message, and the smile disappears from her face.

"What? What's wrong?" Dickie asks concerned.

"I just got a message from Alex, she's asking me to finish some documents for her and send them to her old friend the lawyer who's been helping out," Liz explains.

"That's a good thing isn't it? It means she's actually resting," Dickie comments, not understanding why Liz seems so freaked out.

"Dickie, Alex doesn't rest," Liz explains. "By asking me to do this it means that she can't, that she is so sick that she is actually admitting defat. This is bad, really bad," Liz says worried.

"You're overreacting," Dickie tells her sister.

"No, I'm really not," Liz assures her brother. "I've seen Alex come back to work straight after getting her ribs broken by an abusive husband, without going to the hospital," Liz explains, and Dickie is a little impressed by that. "And when she was at SVU she didn't even stop working a case when a hit was put out on her," Liz points out. "Alex doesn't stop working unless she is physically unable to work or someone forces her to stop," Liz explains.

"So, you're saying that must be really sick," Dickie says, realizing why his sister is so worried.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Liz admits, knowing that the only other option would be that Olivia forced her to stop working, but she also knows that Olivia wouldn't break quarantine so that's not a possibility.

"What can I do?" Dickie asks as he wants to do something.

"Get rid of whatever horrible thing you tried to cook because it stinks," Liz informs her brother before getting to work as she knows that right now that is the only thing she can do.


The next day Olivia is at work, but as she works her latest case Olivia's mind is on Alex and what is going on with her. She also can't help but worry about whether Alex is okay.

"Even with less people around someone had to have seen something," Olivia says annoyed as she paces back and forth in the squad room.

"So far we've got nothing, Cap," Kat informs her.

"Fin, Rollins, go back to the scene, see if you can get anything from camera, or other witnesses," Olivia orders.

"Captain Benson," A uniform says, walking over to Olivia. "A courier dropped this off for you downstairs," the officer says handing Olivia a manila envelope.

"Thank you," Olivia says, taking the envelope even though she really doesn't want to, and that look is all to clear on her face.

"Everything okay, Captain?" Rollins asks as she isn't sure that she has ever seen the look Olivia has on her face before.

"No," Olivia says, turning and heading into her office, closing the door behind her.

"That was strange," Rollins comments, knowing it is rare for Olivia to act like that. "Any idea what's going on?" Rollins asks, looking at Fin as she knows that Fin is the most likely to know.

"No," Fin admits as he suspects this is more than just Alex being sick. "But I'm gonna find out," Fin reveals. "Rollins, you go with Kat," Fin says before heading to Olivia's office.

When Fin gets to Olivia's office he knocks on the door, but after getting no response Fin just walks in and closes the door behind him. Once in the office Fin sees the envelop sitting on Olivia's desk and Olivia leaning against the shelf near her window, looking like she would like to be as far away from the envelope as possible.

"Liv?" Fin asks when Olivia looks like she isn't going to talk. "What's in the envelope, Liv?" Fin asks knowing it must be bad for Olivia to need so much prodding to talk.

"It's a copy of Alex's will," Olivia explains. "And documents giving me her power of attorney and medical proxy; she had Barba print and send them to me," Olivia explains to Fin's absolute shock.

"When I talked to Alex two days ago, she seemed okay," Fin says, sounding horrified.

"She's not okay now," Olivia admits. "When we talked this morning, she could barely stay awake for more than a few minutes," Olivia explains. "Fin she's getting sicker, and the hospitals are full and if she keeps getting worse…" Olivia says, sounding upset, tears coming to her eyes as it is clear that she is fearing the worse.

"Hey, don't go there," Fin tells Olivia, knowing that it won't lead anywhere good.

"I can't lose her Fin, not again," Olivia says, her voice breaking, having no idea what else to say, and even considering the circumstances, Fin walks over and hugs Olivia. Having no idea what he can say to help Olivia Fin just hugs her.


While Olivia is informing Fin about what is going on Rafael Barba is sitting in his apartment reading through the paperwork that Liz sent him through. Even though he is distracted Rafael is doing his best to focus on the file he is working as that is what Alex needs him to do.

As he reads the same paragraph for the third time Barba's phone rings and so he just reaches over and answers it without checking the caller ID.

"Barba," he answers.

"Rafael, have you talked to Mami this morning?" A voice Barba knows to belong to Antonio Montoya says, without even saying hello. "She's not answering her phone," Antonio says, it being more than clear that he is worried about the person he considers to be his mother, and Barba immediately stops what he is doing.

"We talked this morning," Barba reveals, leaving out the fact that it was a brief conversation. "She's resting," Barba explains, choosing his words carefully as he knows that Alex wouldn't want Antonio to worry about her, but he also doesn't want to lie to Antonio.

"Mami is always woken up by her phone," Antonio says, saying what they both know, making it clear how concerned he is as he knows from all the years he spent with Alex that she is an incredibly light sleeper. In fact, back when they were in WITSEC together Alex would wake to every single sound, which resulted in the insomnia she had being even worse.

"She really needs to rest Antonio," Barba explains as he knows that right now Alex getting as much rest as possible is incredibly important.

"Mami's going to be okay, right Rafi?" Antonio asks, sounding afraid, and knowing that Barba will tell him the truth, no matter how painful it is.

"I hope so Antonio, I really hope so," Barba says, and the two of them drift into silence. Even though they have drift into silence Barba and Antonio stay on the line together as neither want to hang up, they need each other.


A couple of hours after Olivia told Fin what was in the envelope Fin is sitting at his desk while Olivia is still behind closed doors in her office. While Fin is staring at his computer, not really able to focus, Rollins and Kat walk in.

"Get anything?" Fin asks curious.

"We got some more footage, I'll go through it now," Kat says, heading to her desk while Rollins walks over to Fin.

"How's Liv?" Rollins asks concerned, in a quiet voice.

"Not great," Fin responds.

"What's going on? Is it Noah?" Rollins asks concerned.

"No, Noah's fine," Fin assures her. "But as for what's going on it's not my place to explain," Fin explains as to explain he will have to get into the specifics of Alex and Olivia's relationship and that's not his place to reveal.

"Okay," Rollins says, sounding confused. "What can I do?" Rollins asks.

"Just give her some space," Fin suggests, as he is pretty sure that for right now that is best.

While Fin is talking to Rollins Olivia is in her office, thinking about Alex, feeling worried about what is going to happen to the Blonde Lawyer. As it has been a few hours since she talked to Alex Olivia picks up her phone and video calls Alex's cellphone. While she knows that there is a chance that Alex won't answer because she is in such a deep sleep Olivia knows she has to try.

"Hey," Alex says, answering the phone after so many rings that Olivia was about to hang up, and the second Alex sese Olivia she even more concerned as she can see how weak and sick Alex looks; not to mention the fact that Alex is clearly in bed.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Olivia asks concerned.

"Tired…. Weak," Alex admits, and Olivia knows how much of a big deal it is for Alex to actually admit that. "What time is it?" Alex asks confused as he brain feels incredibly foggy.

"About one pm, Monday," Olivia tells her, as she isn't sure that Alex would know that. "How's your breathing? How does your chest feel?" Olivia asks concerned.

"Breathing's okay, chest is a little tight," Alex admits, as her eyes flicker open and close.

"Ally, maybe you should go to the hospital," Olivia suggests, using her old, private, nickname for Alex for the first time since they started talking again.

"No, I'm okay," Alex says.

"Oh Sweetheart, you're really not," Olivia tells her, using a gentle tone while trying not to show how worried she is.

"I just need to sleep," Alex tells Olivia, and Olivia realizes that even with how sick Alex is she is still just as stubborn as always.

"Okay," Olivia says. "I'll call later, but if you're still this sick tomorrow I'm calling the paramedics myself," Olivia explains, as even with overcrowded the hospitals are if Alex keeps getting worse she is not going to hesitate to make the call.

"Liv…" Alex starts to say.

"You trust me to make decisions Ally, this is my decision," Olivia informs her.

"Okay," Alex says, not feeling strong enough to fight.

"Get some more sleep, I'll talk to you later," Olivia promises Alex.

"Bye Liv," Alex says, closing her eyes as she hangs up the phone, and muttering something that Olivia can't quiet make out.

"Hang on Ally, just hang on," Olivia mutters to herself once she hangs up, praying that Alex makes it through this.


A couple of hours after Alex was woken by Olivia video calling her, she is woken up once again by her phone ringing, this time as a voice call.

"Hello?" Alex asks, answering her phone after searching for it in her blankets.

"Hi, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Liz's voice asks concerned.

"It's okay," Alex says, as her bedroom comes into focus. "Is everything okay?" Alex asks, and Liz can tell that she is still a little out of it.

"Yeah, everything's fine, we got the paperwork filed," Liz explains, and Alex is confused by what she is talking about, but she doesn't want to admit that. "I just wanted to call and see how you were doing,"

"I'm okay, you worry too much Liv," Alex says, and Liz feels her concern grow.

"I'll go, let you get some sleep," Liz says, thinking that that is best and not feeling hurt by Alex calling her the wrong name as she knows that it is just another sigh of how sick Alex is.

"Okay," Alex says, feeling too weak to fight.

"I'll call back tomorrow," Liz says before hanging up.

Once she hangs up with Alex Liz just puts her phone down and just stares out of space as she sits on the couch. As Liz is staring out to space Dickie walks out of his room and as he sees the look on his sisters face Dickie walks over to her and puts his arm around his sister, wanting to offer her comfort.


Having got no answer from Alex the last time she spoke to her Olivia, who put Noah to bed a while ago, is sitting on her couch doing something she hasn't done for a while, looking at a specific photo album. When Alex was in WITESEC Olivia wanted to do something to feel close to her and so she put together a photo album of photos of Alex and after Alex came back, she added to the album. As she slowly looks through the album Olivia remembers all the times they have had together.

As she is so focused on the pictures Olivia doesn't even hear Noah's door opening, nor does she hears her son walking towards her.

"Is that you, Mommy?" Noah asks, looking over the couch and seeing the picture Olivia is looking at, a picture of Alex and Olivia at the 01 New Years Eve Party, a picture that was, of course, taken by Fin.

"Yeah Buddy it is," Olivia says as she climbs onto the couch and sits next to his mother. "And that's Alex," Olivia explains pointing to her.

"You look different," Noah tells his mother.

"It was a long time ago," Olivia explains, not really wanting to think about how long ago it was.

"All these photos are of Alex," Noah realizes, as he looks at what else is on the page. "You too," Noah realizes.

"Yeah, they are," Olivia confirms. "Ever photo in this album is of Alex, or Alex and I," Olivia explains.

"Wow," Noah says, sounding impressed. "Can I see the first picture?" Noah asks his mother and Olivia flicks back to the first picture of the Album a picture taken by a bartended on a squad night out not long after Alex joined.

"That would be this picture," Olivia says, showing it to her son, and feeling a little amused at the hairstyles that both she and Alex have.

"Wow," Noah says, sounding amazed about how different his mother looks.

"Mom, do you love Alex?" Noah asks curious as he is trying to make sense of why Olivia would have an album like this.

"Of course," Olivia answers, without hesitation. "I love all my friends," Olivia tells her son.

"No, I mean in the way you loved Ed," Noah says to his mother. Hearing her son's question Olivia isn't sure how to answer it as while there are people, probably a lot of people, who suspect she has feelings for Alex no one, not even Fin who has come closest, have come out and outright asked her. "Mom?" Noah asks, feeling even more confused as Olivia just seemed to have zoned out.

"Yeah Honey, I do Love Alex in the same way I loved Ed," Olivia admits, though she knows that the love she feels for Alex is stronger than what she felt for Tucker. "I have for a very long time," Olivia explains.

"Have you ever told her?" Noah asks curious.

"No, I haven't," Olivia admits.

"Why not?" Noah asks.

"I don't really know," Olivia admits, as she puts her arm around Noah. "I think I've been scared," Olivia admits. "It never really felt like the right time," Olivia explains, knowing that she has had a lot of reasons over the year while she never told Alex how she felt, but that's the simplest explanation.

"I think you should tell her," Noah says, not understanding his mother's reasons. "It will make Alex feel better," Noah tells his mother in a matter of fact tone of voice as while Olivia hasn't told her son how sick Alex has gotten he does know that she is sick.

"I'll think about it," Olivia responds, though after twenty years she isn't sure it's as simple as her son seems to think it is. "Would you like to see more pictures?" Olivia asks her son.

"Yes," Noah says as he snuggles into his mother's side and as they look through the photos Olivia also tells her son the stories that go along with the photos.