Chapter 5
AN: Thank you so much for the support. The next couple of chapters explain a bit more about what Olivia knows about Alex's life and the people who are in her life.
Three days have passed since Olivia admitted to her son that she loves Alex Cabot and, in that time, to the relief of everyone who cares about her, Alex hasn't needed to go to hospital; she's been able to continue to recover at home.
While Alex still feels incredibly week, so weak that she is still spending the majority of her time in bed, Alex has started to feel a little better. Even though she is barely conscious the sound of her phone ringing with the video call tone breaks through Alex's fog and so she is able to reach over and answer.
"Hello," Alex answers, barely opening her eyes.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Olivia asks in a gentle voice, as she takes note of how Alex looks and sounds, trying to figure out if she looks better or worse.
"Okay," Alex says, opening her eyes more. "Hey," Alex says, looking like she is becoming more focused. "I think I feel a little better," Alex admits.
"Have you eaten recently?" Olivia asks, feeling concerned, as Alex doesn't look to be any better, and Alex just looks confused.
"Um, I don't know," Alex admits, as she can't remember that.
"Do you think you're strong enough to make it to the kitchen?" Olivia asks.
"I don't know," Alex admits. "I don't even know if I'm hungry," Alex reveals, and that doesn't help Olivia's concern.
"Maybe you should try to get a bit more rest and then see if you can have something to eat," Olivia suggests, noticing the water on Alex's bedside so that makes her feel a little better.
"Yeah, I might just do that," Alex responds. "Goodnight Olivia," Alex says before hanging up.
"It's the middle of the day," Olivia mutters to herself as she puts her phone down on her desk.
After hanging up her phone Alex spends a few minutes debating, wondering if she made the right decision by not calling the paramedics for Alex. For a few minutes Olivia just sits, staring out into space, until she is drawn back to reality by a knock on her office door. Looking towards the door Olivia sees Amanda on the other side and so she gestures her to come in.
"Hey, I just wanted you to know that Fin and Kat have gone to talk to the victim again," Amanda explains.
"Okay,"
"Liv? Are you okay? You haven't seemed okay for a while," Amanda says, clearly concerned about her. Due to the concern in Amanda's voice Olivia knows that chances are the younger detective isn't going to just drop this.
"Close the door Amanda," Olivia requests, as if they are going to have this conversation she wants it as private as possible, and Amanda does just that before walking over to Olivia and sitting down across from her.
"What's going on?" Amanda asks concerned.
"I've been the way I have been over the past couple of weeks because I'm worried about Alex," Olivia explains.
"Cabot?" Amanda asks, as that is the only Alex she knows off, and Olivia nods. "I didn't know you two were still in touch," Amanda says, as she remembers that Olivia seemed incredibly surprised when she saw Alex two years ago.
"We weren't, but we started talking a little while ago," Olivia explains. "She's tested positive, and she's not doing very well," Olivia admits, and things start to make sense to Amanda.
"And you're worried about your friend," Amanda says and as she does a very brief look passes over Olivia's face, while the look is only on Olivia's face for a brief second it is long, and clear, enough for Amanda to realize. "Liv, is Cabot more than a friend?" Amanda asks and Olivia can't help but be amused at how times have changed as in twenty years she has only been outright asked about her feelings for Alex twice; and both within the same week. "You don't have to tell me," Amanda quickly says, feeling worried that she crossed a line.
"It's complicated," Olivia answers, feeling like that is an understatement to describe her relationship with Alex, but also feeling the need to talk about this with someone who was not around back then. "Things were different when Alex and I started working together, different in ways I can't really explain," Olivia admits, and Amanda just gives her an interested look. "We were close; everyone who knew us knew, had their own theories," Olivia admits, knowing that they weren't too subtle about it. "We would have screaming matches about a case, and then a couple of hours I'd be in her office, or she'd be sitting on my desk like nothing happened," Olivia explains.
"On your desk?" Amanda asks amused, having noticed Olivia's specific words.
"Yeah," Olivia confirms, looking amused. "Fin once stole my nameplate and replaced it with one that said Olivia Benson and Alex Cabot," Olivia explains, deciding not to mention how long it took for them to notice.
"Really?" Amanda asks, looking amused.
"Yeah, but we got our revenge," Olivia says, looking amused.
"How?" Amanda asks, as this is a story she has to know as she has only seen the more serious Olivia and Fin.
"That I'm going to keep to myself because Fin blamed, and got his revenge, on Munch," Olivia explains.
"Of course, he did," Amanda says, sounding amused. "So, you and Alex teamed up against the men," Amanda says, trying to make sense of that, feeling unsurprised as she figures even in SVU it would have been necessary in the early two thousands.
"Sometimes," Olivia admits, remembering all the times that she and Alex were one side of a case and the guys were on the other. "I had worked with other women before then, but I was so much closer to Alex," Olivia admits.
"How close?" Amanda asks again, wanting some clarity.
"Nothing happened between us, we never got the chance," Olivia admits.
"What do you mean? You've known each other two decades," Amanda says, sounding confused, and Olivia realizes that Amanda doesn't know what happened to Alex.
"It's not that simple," Olivia admits to Amanda's confusion. "In September 2003 we were working a case, an undercover NYPD officer who had been working with the DEA had been raped and murdered," Olivia explains. "The killer was a drug trafficker named Rafael Zapata he worked for the drug lord Cesar Velez," Olivia explains, and as she is interested by what Olivia is going to say Amanda just gives her an interested look, without saying anything. "When in a meeting with Zapata and his lawyer he pissed Alex's off and she told him that a women can say whatever she wants to about his performance in the bedroom and he isn't actually allowed to kill her," Olivia explains.
"I don't know if that was brave or stupid," Amanda admits.
"It was both," Olivia says, sounding annoyed. "Next thing we know Alex is telling us what happened and the two of us, and my old partner, were taken to the DEA," Olivia explains. "We listened to a phone call where the caller knew everything about Alex, a hit was placed on her," Olivia reveals and even though it was seventeen years ago it is still hard for Olivia to talk about. "Alex just wanted to go home after that and when we were leaving the DEA the Agent we were talking to was killed in a car bomb," Olivia explains, still being able to remember all about that night
"What happened next?" Amanda asks, honestly not sure what to expect.
"A lot of people wanted Alex to drop the case, she wouldn't, but she gave the rest of us an out," Olivia explains.
"But none of you took it," Amanda realizes.
"Of course not," Olivia admits. "But it didn't matter, there wasn't a whole lot we could do before the Feds took over," Olivia explains. "We all went for a drink, me, Alex, Fin, Elliot, Munch, Cragen," Olivia explains. "Eventually everyone left leaving me, Alex and Elliot," Olivia reveals, and Amanda has a sinking feeling about what Olivia is going to say next. "We talked for a little while, about the parts of the job that really sucks, then we left," Olivia says, and from the look on Olivia's face and her tone of voice Amanda knows that whatever Olivia has to say next is bad. "We were walking down the street and an SUV came around the corner, shots were fired, and the next thing I know Alex's is bleeding out and I'm holding pressure on her wound, begging her to just hold on, to stay with me," Olivia says, tears coming to her eyes. "After that it's pretty much a blur until we were in the hospital being told that Alex didn't survive her injuries," Olivia reveals, knowing that after receiving that news is basically a blur too as she barely remembers Elliot taking her to his house to sleep on the couch, but she knows it happened as she does remember Liz and Kathleen waking her up the next morning.
"WITSEC?" Amanda asks as that's the only thing that makes sense.
"Yeah," Olivia confirms.
"How long did you believe she was dead?" Amanda asks, not being able to imagine how hard that would have been.
"The night before her funeral, we got news that Zapata was found dead, and Elliot and I got called to a meeting with the DEA. It was the middle of nowhere, near the water, and as we were walking towards a big black SUV the Agent said, 'real pain in the ass this one, wouldn't take no for an answer,'" Olivia admits.
"Impressive," Amanda says, sounding a little amused, she is pretty sure that there aren't a lot of people who could convince the Marshals to be allowed to say goodbye.
"That's Alex," Olivia admits. "I watched her get into that SVU and…. I just wanted to go with her," Olivia admits, and the fact that Olivia wanted to walk away from SVU to go with Alex tells Amanda everything she needs to know about how much Alex means to her.
"When I met Alex was that's when she came back from WITSEC?" Amanda asks curious, though she can't help but think that there would have been more rumors if that was the case.
"No," Olivia answers. "You met her a few weeks after she returned from working with the International Criminal Court prosecuting sexual crimes in areas of conflict," Olivia explains, remembering that she and Alex meet up for dinner when Alex first got back and that's how she knew about the shooting.
"Then when did she get back?" Amanda asks curious, finding herself being very curious about the whole story and suspecting that it could help Olivia to talk.
"Eighteen months after the shooting the man who shot Alex killed three people and tried to kill an eight-year-old boy," Olivia explains. "To prevent him from getting the chance to escape when he was on bail our ADA had us arrest him for the Murder of Alex in open court," Olivia explains.
"You did that?" Amanda asks surprised, as that is basically perjury.
"I had to, it was only way to keep Alex safe," Olivia admits. "But then Alex came back anyway, had him charged with her attempted murder. She testified, faced him, and he was found guilty," Olivia explains. "We were waiting to celebrate when we were told she was already moved; this time we didn't get to say goodbye," Olivia admits. "It was another year and a half before Alex was back in New York, and over two years after that before we talked again," Olivia explains.
"Why so long?" Amanda asks curious.
"I don't know for sure, we never really talked about it," Olivia admits, as she never completely believed Alex's excuse at the time and she never got around to asking again partly because she was afraid of the answer because of how difficult things between them were. "Things were different between us for a while, and just when it seemed like we were getting back to the way things used to be Alex left for the Congo," Olivia explains. "Then you remember what things were like when Alex came back again," Olivia explains.
"Yeah, I thought you were dating, you were always so close," Amanda admits, and Olivia smiles slightly, as she knows exactly what would have gave Rollins that opinion.
"We weren't, it was just really nice to have her back, to have things feel like they used to," Olivia admits. "That's how it's felt the last few weeks," Olivia admits. "Alex isn't doing well, her symptoms are really bad, and I feel like I'm back on that street begging her to just hold on, to stay with me," Olivia admits, looking even more upset.
"What can I do?" Amanda asks, wanting to help her boss, and friend, who has helped her in so many ways, and having no idea what she can do.
"There's nothing you can do," Olivia admits, and the two of them just drift into silence as Amanda purpose doesn't mention the tears that are rolling down her face, but she makes it clear that she is there for Olivia.
A few hours after Alex was woken by Olivia's video call she is woken up by her phone ringing again, this time a voice call.
"Hello," Alex answer. The fact that the phone actually woke her up shows that Alex is actually doing better.
"Hey Alex," Liz's voice says.
"Hey Mami," Antonio's voice says as the two of them are standing at the door to Alex's apartment together.
"Liz, Antonio," Alex says, causing both of them to exchange looks as they know that the fact that Alex was actually able to identify their voices is a good sign.
"We both outside, we've brought more supplies," Antonio tells her, as both he and Liz made sure to include more than just food, they included things that Alex would enjoy.
"Thank you," Alex says gratefully. "What's going on with Vita Nova?" Alex asks, once again proving that she is doing better as she is actually asking about work as in recent days, she has been too weak to think about it.
"Everything's good. Rafael has been handling all the hearings and matters where postponement wasn't an option," Liz explains. "I've been keeping up to date. We've got a couple new clients that I will give you updates about soon," Liz explains as she doesn't want to put too much on Alex's plate too soon, and as Liz explains Alex realizes something.
"Brianne, we have a wellness check, she needs that," Alex says, sounding panicked, and Alex's panic causes her to have a coughing fit.
"Alex, it's okay, that was two days ago," Liz assures Alex, trying to reassure her. "I handled it. Brianne's doing really well, she's in a good place, and the kids are really good too," Liz explains, as she made sure to check all the things Alex would check.
"Good, that's good," Alex says relieved. "Thank you, Liz," Alex says, clearly grateful.
"Mami, how are you feeling?" Antonio asks, clearly concerned.
"I'm okay, Tonio, I'm starting to feel better," Alex assures him, attempting to be reassuring.
"Really?" Antonio asks, hope clear in his voice.
"Really," Alex assures him.
"That's really great Alex," Liz says, sounding relieved. "Do you need anything, is there anything we can do?" Liz asks, wanting to do more help.
"Just keep doing what you're doing," Alex tells her. "It means a lot that you've got Vita Nova covered, it helps," Alex explains, as while she hasn't been completely coherent lately she knows enough to know that not needing to worry about Vita Nova.
"Of course," Liz tells her. "Everything's good, and anything I can't handle Barba is," Liz says as while the two of them still haven't seen each other in person they have been talking on the phone and emailing.
"Good, good," Alex says relieved as she trusts both Liz and Bara completely.
"Mami, you should get some more sleep," Antonio says.
"Yeah, I should," Alex admits.
"I'll call later," Liz informs her.
"Me too," Antonio promises.
"Bye Liz, Antonio," Alex says before hanging up.
"She sounded better right, I wasn't imagining that, right?" Antonio says, looking at Liz, wanting to be sure that he wasn't imagining it.
"Yeah, she did," Liz says, smiling at her friend, feeling glad. "Look, I'm meeting Dickie to get some take away, why don't you join us," Liz suggests as from the little Antonio has said since the two of them met to pick up supplies for Alex it is clear he isn't doing to great and could use friends, and that's what both her and Dickie are to him, in fact she is pretty sure Antonio is closer to her brother than her.
"Sure," Antonio says and the two them head to the elevators, putting their masks on as they go.
Hours after she talked to Amanda about her feelings towards Alex Olivia is home and having just tucked Noah in Olivia is walking back into the living room when her phone starts to ring, checking the caller ID Olivia can't help but feel a little concerned.
"Rafa? What's wrong?" Olivia answers concerned.
"Have you talked to Lexie today?" Barba asks.
"This morning, she sounded a little better. Has something else happened? Is she okay?" Olivia asks worried.
"That's the thing Liv, I just talked to her and she sounded so much better," Barba explains, sounding thrilled, and knowing that Olivia will be beyond thrilled to know.
"How much better?" Olivia asks, feeling glad, but she doesn't want to get her hopes up.
"A lot," Barba explains. "She questioned me about hearing I handled for her went," Barba explains.
"Work talk, really Barba?" Olivia asks, annoyed, feeling like that may not have been a good idea.
"It's what she wanted to talk about," Barba says in his defense. "And I was just glad that Lex could actually remember the details of the matters," Barba admits, and Olivia can't help but roll her eyes.
"So, you really think she's doing better?" Olivia asks.
"I really, really do," Barba admits. "Thought you could use the good news," Barba explains.
"Thanks, I really could," Olivia admits.
"I'll let you go," Barba says, knowing Olivia well enough to know that she will want to call Alex. "Bye Liv,"
"Bye Rafael," Olivia says before hanging up.
The second Olivia hangs up with Rafael she places a video call to Alex, desperately hoping that Barba is right, and Alex is doing a lot better.
"Hey," Alex says, answering the phone after only a couple of rings, and the first thing Olivia realizes is that Alex is no longer in her bed.
"Hey," Olivia greats, smiling. "Are you in your kitchen?" Olivia asks.
"Yeah, I am," Alex confirms. "It took me like five minutes to get here, but I did," Alex explains.
"Alex that's good," Olivia says, sounding relieved.
"Yeah, I think it is," Alex admits.
"Have you got your apatite back?" Olivia asks.
"Yep," Alex answers and she moves the camera so Olivia can see what she is eating. "Antonio made me the soup I made him when he was sick when we were in the program, basically the only thing I could cook back then, and dropped it by," Alex explains, having forgot that she never told Olivia that she and Antonio stayed together in the program as in the time she was back with SVU, before leaving for the Congo, Antonio was going between staying with her and staying with his biological aunts and cousins. Once she returned from the Congo Antonio lived with her fulltime, as that's what he wanted, and she formally adopted him, Barba having been her lawyer, but she never thought it was the right time to tell Olivia that considering everything she had going on.
"Antonio? Antonio Montoya? You were kept together in the program?" Olivia asks shocked, realizing that this is the most Alex has said about her time in WITSEC.
"Yeah, the Marshals thought it would be easier to keep us safe if we were together," Alex explains.
"And you kept in touch after you left the program?" Olivia asks, trying to make sense of things.
"Liv, even after we left the program, I had custody of Antonio," Alex reveals to Oliva's shock. "When I was back at SVU the first time he was going between living with me and his biological aunts. He stayed with her when I was in the Congo, and when I got back, he lived with me full time; I adopted him," Alex explains.
"You never told me that," Olivia admits, sounding surprised, and a little hurt that Alex never told her that.
"I didn't know how," Alex admits. "Liv, those years I was away from SVU, both times, a lot happened; a lot that isn't easy to talk about, even with you," Alex explains.
"I get that," Olivia admits, as she knows there are things that she hasn't told Alex because it was too hard for her. "But if you ever think you can talk, I'm here," Olivia explains.
"I know," Alex explains.
"How is Antonio?" Olivia asks curious, figuring out how old he is now.
"He's good. He's finishing up at Hudson, and has gotten into Law School for the fall," Alex explains, and Olivia can hear the pride.
"Takes after you I see," Olivia says, smiling at the pride in Alex's voice.
"In some ways," Alex answers before getting cut of by a cough.
"Ally…" Olivia says concerned.
"I'm okay Liv, I'm really doing better," Alex says, once she finishes coughing.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asks.
"I feel stronger, and my mind's less foggy. I feel like I'm on the mend, really," Alex assures her.
"That's really good, Alex, really good," Olivia says relieved. "If you think you're up to it I'd love to hear some stories about you and Antonio, about the times you had together," Olivia says, as it will help her to be sure that Alex is actually doing a lot better.
"Sure," Alex responds, and she starts to tell Olivia some of her favorite stories of Antonio, and times they had together, though Olivia notices that the stories are all about times after they left the program; which tells Olivia that one day soon there are a couple of difficult conversations that she and Alex have to have.
