Holy cow that was long! As I've said before I haven't forgotten any of you guys. How can I? You've helped me out with your support. I can't believe I've gotten more than 1000 reviews! Thanks for putting up with all my messes, seriously, thanks. :)
Anyway, this idea came from Marilyn who suggested a gender bender story. I can't believe I haven't covered that one! Big cheers to NeonElement for being the 1200th reviewer. Incredible! :')
Fanfiction Trauma
Chapter 35: Gender Bender
"We're really continuing this aren't we?" Will asked as he sat on the floor.
Morgan shot him a glare. "Of course we are man, we've discussed this already."
"Yeah," JJ added as she sat beside Will. "Until we find one in which we're all portrayed accurately we aren't stopping."
Blake placed a pensive hand to her chin. "Hmm..."
"What's up?" Kevin said as he noticed her expression.
"It's just, well, originally the idea was to search for a story that portrays us accurately, right?"
The team nodded, with their attention focused on Blake.
"That's the plan." Garcia answered, spinning the bottle in the process.
They patiently waited for it to stop spinning before continuing anything else.
"Fuck sake," Emily groaned as the bottle pointed towards her. Lifting herself up she dragged herself to the dreaded the chair. "Go on, I'm listening."
"So let's be honest here what are the chances that we'll find a good story in which we're all portrayed in a proper way?"
This new revelation seemed to make every adult present now question their very existence. A moment of silence passed in which they all exchanged glances amongst one another.
"She's right," Hotch, being the leader figure, felt he had to be the strong one and answer. "They're slim to none. A pipe dream at best. Especially considering Blake and Seaver are barely used, Rossi only makes occasional appearances, while Kevin and Will are mostly portrayed as unsubs for some reason."
"Basically, finding a story that uses all of us present in this room in a non OOC way is like finding a needle in a haystack, correct?" Rossi concluded.
"Yes."
Again another moment of silence occurred.
This time Morgan broke the silence. "So, what you're basically saying is, we're fucked."
"In a nutshell, yes."
"Then what was the point of all this? Was this all for nothing?!" JJ cried in frustration. "Why did we just now come to this conclusion? We've been here for hours! We're profilers for God's sake!"
"Heh, some profilers you guys are." Kevin chimed in humorously; but the death glare JJ sent him actually made him shiver. He gulped. "S-Sorry I'll let you vent."
"I think JJ's losing it," Rossi whispered so only Hotch could hear.
He watched as his blond agent continued ranting before turning back to him. "We better find the one soon." He glanced at Emily and was grateful when she nodded in understanding.
"Don't you worry JJ," Emily murmured. "I'll find the one and get us out of here."
JJ had meanwhile taken a hold of Morgan by the collar of his shirt. "This is your entire fault!"
Morgan lifted his hands in defense, startled by her surprisingly strong grip. "N-Now JJ, no need to be reckless. There's still hope. Where's yours?"
She pulled him closer and narrowed her eyes. "It's in the dumpster where the rest of my sanity is!"
At this point Will had to remove his wife from the trembling agent. "Easy now hun, let's just relax."
"Found one!" Emily said and successfully ceasing the turmoil threatening to break out.
Morgan had never been more grateful to Fanfiction dot net. He sat as far away from JJ as the cramped room allowed him to.
The Switch
By SuperAgentSpazz
"Haha..." Will chuckled.
Summary: So we all love our awesome batch of agents but what if there was a little change? In this AU we'll explore a little something different. This story will be a gender bender story.
"Gender bender?!" Morgan spat in disbelief.
Kevin raised his pointer finger up. "A gender bender story is a one that—"
"Clam up Kevin we're not kids. We don't need to be Fanfiction dot net experts to know what a gender bender story is." Emily grumbled from her chair, already knowing she'd failed at finding the one and was now stuck with reading this author's sad attempt at a story.
"Why are these authors torturing us like this?" Seaver added, cringing at the idea of one of her friends being gender-swapped. "And I thought we'd covered every Fanfiction dot net topic Kevin?"
"Sorry," The tech apologized. "Must have slipped me."
It will be starring Reid—
"Aaahh!"
as the one being gender bent.
"Oh come on!" The genius wailed, shooting his arms up in annoyance. "Why? Why I ask, why is it always me?! Why can't it be Morgan?"
Also this story will be about how Derek confesses to her.
Immediately Morgan shot a glare at Reid. "Way to open your mouth!"
"Cry me a river; you deserve this for bringing everyone to suffer."
"What's that? Don't think I won't go over there!" He reached over and pulled Reid into him, rubbing a fist on his head. "I'll give you the meanest noogie now kid!"
"Ouch cut it out already!"
Emily paused abruptly and wheeled around. "Do we have to separate you two? For God's sake can you behave?"
Morgan and Reid glanced at each other briefly before crossing their arms and facing away, huffing in the process.
Emily sighed, peering momentarily at the peacefully sleeping boys on Reid's bed. "You can learn a thing or two from Jack and Henry."
Anyway let's get this started. I'm sure you're dying to read it. ;)
It was another long day after a hectic case for the team. Normally it was the worst since the paperwork that followed was a lot. Sadly for Derek his had overflowed due to putting it off for too long. Therefore he wasn't in a particularly good mood.
It was made even worse when Blake approached him, wearing a teasing smirk. "What's cracking Derek?"
The room cringed at Blake's character depiction.
"Not much," He pouted. "Just tryna finish all this crap and get home already."
"You know we're off tomorrow,"
"And?" He asked, scribbling some final touches.
"Well JJ was setting up a get together for us at Rossi's mansion. She told me to let you know so you can drop by if you're not doing anything."
"Will you be going?"
"Yeah, only Hotch won't come because, well, he's Hotch."
Hotch was almost tempted to do a victory dance right then and there. But of course he wouldn't, he's Hotch. And so instead he celebrated internally; visualized the dance in his mind; away from any onlookers, and smiled to himself.
"Hmm," Derek pondered momentarily and finally nodded. "Sure, I'm there."
"Great news!" Blake cheered before leaning forward, smirking as she did so. "You know, I hear she'll be there too."
At this Derek's interest piqued. But he wouldn't ever admit so he shrugged. "Am I supposed to know who you are talking about?"
She laughed. "Oh give it a rest already! You aren't fooling anyone. Now just make sure you show up bro."
Blake's insides clenched uncontrollably. "Is it too much to ask for some good characterization?"
"For fanfiction authors it is." Garcia replied dryly.
"Hey I'd take bad characterization over being gender-swapped any day." Reid added bitterly.
Blake rubbed her arm sheepishly. "Right, I suppose when you put it that way my situation really isn't much."
The day had arrived and Derek was standing outside the door, wondering why he even agreed to this.
"Hey Derek! You made it!"
He turned to greet his friend. "Hey Will."
"I'm kidnapping someone."
Will eyed him strangely—
"I'm kidnapping Derek." Will stated. "With my bare hands. Then I'm tossing him over my shoulder and running to my creepy van, where Kevin will probably be waiting for me.
We'll most certainly then get shot."
"It's a gender bender story you tool." Emily replied, getting irritated by his wild imagination. "Plus there's the fact that the story clearly states it's centering on Derek and his confessing."
Will shook his head. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, oh Emily. You really believe the summaries? It's Fanfiction dot net, say it with me, Fanfiction dot net. It has no logic or plot, ever. A damn dinosaur or a time travel machine can suddenly pop up!"
Emily narrowed her eyes. "Good point."
"Just get on with it," JJ suggested by her spot, clearly still in a bad mood and still wanting to physically assault Morgan.
and crossed his arms. "Have you been standing here the whole time?"
"N-No! Of course not man!" Derek quickly retorted in an attempt to throw him off. "I just got here pal. And I think the bigger question is where is JJ?"
"Nice attempt at trying to make it about me buddy, but she was already here since earlier getting things ready. I had to drop off Henry with the babysitter." He grinned deviously. "I'm not the one here having problems with their love life."
Will smiled, pulling JJ close. "See Em, there's one more example of Fanfiction dot net being unpredictable; having me and JJ actually being happy in a story."
Emily sighed. "Alright, alright, you've made your point."
"Neither am I!" Derek retorted but he knew Will didn't believe him. He shoved his hands in his pocket. "Oh whatever let's just go!"
They knocked and JJ opened the door. "Will, you made it! Good to see you made it too Derek."
"Quite the party," Derek replied as he eyed the obviously crowded party. "A bit more than a little get together wouldn't you say?"
"Oh you know how it goes; a friend invited a friend who invited another friend and so on and so forth." JJ said before dragging Will inside. "Come on honey I've been waiting for you."
Derek watched with slight jealously how the two stared at each other lovingly. Their love was so strong he deduced that nothing could break it.
Will wiped a tear away. "Beautiful, just beautiful. You know, the author's username may be fruity as hell but you absolutely cannot deny their talent."
"I beg to differ." Blake said.
Seaver was also not as approving. "Yeah, in what planet is this considered talent? A gender bent Reid? That's just... weird and wrong."
The detective merely shot their rejection down with a wave. "Oh I think you're being too harsh."
"As if we don't know the real reason why you're suddenly vouching for this author despite your initial skepticism." Rossi added.
Instead he made his way over to get a drink, and just like always his bad luck popped up.
"There you are!"
He flinched at the familiar voice. He turned and saw the one person who'd been plaguing his mind since they'd met. Her hands on her hip and pointed look indicating she wasn't in a good mood. "Oh, hey Reda."
Kevin snickered. "I'm starting to think getting shot in these stories isn't as bad as the alternative."
"Ooohh I can't take this abuse of my name," Reid muttered into his hand.
"Good God..." Morgan groaned at the inevitable.
"At least we won't have to worry about Reid yelling since it isn't his name." Garcia exclaimed to try and ease their mood.
"Don't just 'hey' me Morgan! Why have you been avoiding me?"
He shrugged trying to appear normal. "I ain't." That tight skirt she was wearing was driving him crazy.
Morgan clenched his stomach as he felt himself getting nauseous.
Rossi noticed this. "You okay there?"
"No I'm not okay! I only know Reid, the man, no other version! Therefore I'm picturing the Reid I know with a damn skirt! And you know what? It's driving me crazy! And not in the way this twisted author, who's probably an unsub in the making with that sick mind, is writing it as, oh no. I mean in the 'I feel myself going mental' kind of crazy."
His words caused a domino effect to take place as the mental image now plagued the other adults.
"Oh fine whatever! When you're ready to be a man then you can find me."
"Hey wait!" But she'd ignored him and headed off.
"Step your game up yo!"
"That's me isn't it?" Blake murmured, an annoyed hand on her forehead.
"Oh just leave me alone already Blake."
"Yep, me."
"You're starting to depress me with this. Just tell her how you feel. Everyone and their mother knows you like her." At his downcast look she sighed. "Hey, I know you're still reeling after Emily got married—
Morgan scoffed. "Oh please."
and your reluctant to put your feelings out there again, but, you can't go on like this. You have to move forward. With Reda you can do that."
"Who knew you could go all 'Love Doctor'." Kevin said.
Blake shrugged. "I'm not exactly that but I'm in a pretty stable relationship... not sure if I'm qualified to be giving love advice though."
"None of us are." Emily added. "We're pretty pathetic when it comes to the love department."
Suddenly Derek lifted his head. "You know what? You're right! I'm going over there right now and doing just that. Thanks for the help Blake."
"Ain't no thing but a chicken wing!"
Humiliation swam through Blake as she buried her head in her hands while the others laughed. She was beginning to understand why the team hated OOC so much.
And so he went over to where she was. Realization hit him hard then. He loved her. Her long brown hair, her awkward personality and intelligence, he loved all of her.
Upon reaching her he wasted no time. When she'd turn and noticed him he crashed his lips onto her.
When they pulled away she smiled. "About time."
"Sorry I took too long. I didn't know what I was feeling but it's clear now. I want to be with you. I love you Reda."
Reda swung her arms around him. "Oh Morgan! I love you too!" Pulling away slightly she whispered into his ear. "Now that that's settled, how about we head to Rossi's bed and screw?"
"Someone sure doesn't waste any time." Seaver said after having been quietly tuning out the story.
"And in my bed? There was another story if I recall that used that same scenario. I think it was the JJ and Emily one." Rossi commented, disturbed by the story. "I have guest rooms or does the author not realize that? Which is already amazing considering they happen to know just about everything about us."
Blake watched triumphantly as the pair rushed upstairs. "Hmph, mission accomplished."
AN- So what do you think? Oh just tell me in your review. I'm working on a sequel so look forward to that!
Emily scoffed. "Hah! Fat chance!" She hopped off the chair, thankful the ordeal was over with. "The only thing I'm looking forward to is the plane ride home."
"That was so awful!" Reid yelled in frustration. "I am a man! Stop twisting me to fit your sick fantasies you crazy authors!"
"And back to the drawing board." Garcia sighed, beginning to lose hope for the very first time.
Author's Notes
I'm awful we all know that! But I planned on finishing this story so I am! By the way I finally finished season 10 of Criminal Minds and... I loved Kate! To be honest I never really disliked her like I thought I did. I was just reeling from Blake (who became a favorite) leaving the team. When I got over that during the 8th or 9th episode I realized how kick ass Kate was. This new one though seems boring as hell and this time it has nothing to do with any attachments. But who cares? She'll probably get replaced like the others in the end. I swear it's like a running gag now, almost like my slow updates.
Oh and of course it was going to be Reid!
