A/N: I wanted to try my hand at some sidestories that are connected to the canon, but are not necessarily vital to the plot itself. Renly has an amazing POV, and if you had ever read The Tragedy of Renly's Childhood on Reddit, you would find Renly's perspective absolutely fascinating and heartbreaking. And so, our first sidestory - Renly's decision - featuring angst, romance, and also...more angst, on the Baratheon brothers.
When Renly had first seen the letter, he hadn't known what to make of it.
Safe in Highgarden, curled up into his lover, Renly was aware that war was on the horizon, but he hadn't truly realized how close war was, to his own life. The mystery in King's Landing had occupied his time, and Lord Stark's candor throughout the entire process made the mystery seem almost fun at times. That, and his many, many opportunities to spirit Loras away with him for some absolutely fantastic diversions.
And yet, the mystery had blown up spectacularly, with Robert's death, and Stannis's preparations to take the Throne. He was very well aware that he was technically third-in-line for the throne, or maybe second, with the unfortunate reveal of his (former?) nephews and niece being illegitimate bastards, but he had never truly contended with the reality that he would one day have to take the Throne.
Even though he had Storm's End, he had just assumed that Tommen could have taken it over, the sweet boy he was, especially after Tommen had squired under Ser Barristan. That him and Loras could just live their days happily, free of responsibility, and filled with love. That Loras would get his betrothal broken, or simply gone through the perfunctory motions of a marriage, and attended to Renly in the process, so that he would do the same. Perhaps he could have married a cousin of House Tyrell, and found an excuse to keep Loras with him forever.
But everything had changed, fallen out from under his feet.
Gods, Robert…
His older brother - larger-than-life, strong, funny, with a booming laugh so loud everyone knew he was nearby….gone to Lannister plots. Robert had…changed, in the years before his deaths, as Cersei Lannister, and the weight of Kingship had crushed his spirits. But Robert had plenty of food to eat, and plenty of life to live (in a way that might even be overindulgent), even then, with all of his various bastards, and then he had just been gone, like Mother, and Father, and the rest of them.
Stannis, too, had changed. He could still remember the Siege. Of asking his steady older brother, his protector - Stannis, where the food was, and watching Stannis and him grow skinnier and smaller every day. Of Stannis's hard eyes, when he had asked his brothers why they couldn't just surrender and eat food instead. He still remembered the horror and revulsion he had felt when he had accidentally overheard Cressen telling Stannis that they may have to eat the dead, and that there was no point in wasting good meat.
But Stannis had grown harder and more unforgiving, and he, too, had disappeared under bitterness, resentment, and responsibility with Robert's ascension to the Throne. And then Stannis, and everyone else had been sent away to Dragonstone, and the Stannis he had known had disappeared forever. Alone, in Storm's End, knowing that he had been the reason for his brother's resentment, after a cold and bitter year of hunger and pain.
If only Robert had given Storm's End to Stannis and Dragonstone to me instead…
Loras, and the Tyrells though, had opened their hearts to him, and had welcomed him. Him! Renly! He didn't know where he would have been without Loras, what he would have done without the presence of his squire and eventual lover in the courts of King's Landing. Of the acerbic and bitter boy who had arrived at Storm's End, missing his siblings and family, and the slow thawing of his squire towards him.
Loras had been an interesting sort, at the beginning. All emotions and brooding and practicing his swordplay religiously under the instruction of the knights under Renly's employ. He had been so dismissive at first too, assuming Renly knew nothing of swordplay and weaponry (which was somewhat true, Renly mused, he never really wanted to fight - only to learn what was necessary). Eventually, Renly had found Loras one night crying atop the rookery, and he had budged, leading to the beginning of something beautiful.
"Loras, what's wrong?" Renly asked gently.
"GO AWAY!" Renly heard his squire shout, muffled as it was by Loras's position. He approached his squire gently, as if Loras were a skittish creature ready to bolt.
"Loras, I know you're sad, and that's alright. Would you like me to stay? Or would you like me to leave you alone, and pretend that nothing had happened?" Renly questioned.
"I-" Loras said, sniffling. Renly approached Loras, and sat down next to him, and waited to see Loras's reaction - whether Loras would send him away, or whether Loras would allow him to stay.
"You don't have to pretend with me, you know." Renly found himself commenting. "If we kept the fake smiles on permanently, for the court, we would be exhausted constantly, don't you think?"
Loras sobbed harder, leaning into Renly's body. Renly noticed a letter next to Loras, and he suspected that it had been what had triggered the episode.
"I just….I miss them, you know?" Loras said shakily. "I miss them so much it hurts. Two-and-ten, and I'm out here crying like a baby."
"Who?" Renly asked.
"I miss my family. I miss Father and Mother, and Grandmother, and how they always spoiled me. I miss Willas and his laugh, and his hawks. I miss Gar, and his stupid jokes, and his spars with me, and how he always used to chase me, but…"
"But?"
Loras wiped his tears, and gave a shaky laugh.
"Most of all, I miss Marge. My little sister, and the tiniest Queen you'd ever know. She reads all day, you know? And she knew everything before I did, and would always give me such an infuriating smirk when she knew something I didn't. We were inseparable, you know? I'd nap next to her as she read, and then Old Lomys or Septa Nysterica would find us before making us leave."
Loras paused.
"...I thought that learning from more knights would make the homesickness go away, but it didn't." Loras finished, in a tiny, wrecked voice.
"...can I hug you?" Renly found himself blurting out, before slapping a hand to his mouth. Stupid Renly. Knights did not hug their squires. "Sorry, never mi-"
But then he found himself an armful of Loras, his dismissive, angry squire, and he felt himself leaning into the hug. Loras was shaking into the hug, but it was warm, and sweet, especially when Renly smelt flowery perfume on his squire's clothes.
"I miss my family too. Robert spends all day ruling the Realm in King's Landing, Stannis is too busy with his new family in Dragonstone for me, and here I am, alone in my ancestral home," Renly found himself admitting.
Loras looked up into Renly's eyes in confusion.
"You, alone? But you're always talking to your household and the smallfolk. They love you - Perfect Renly Baratheon and his perfect household."
Renly laughed, a deep, low chuckle inherited from his Father. "You thought I was perfect?" Renly teased. "Just because I talk to my household doesn't mean I can't be lonely. We all can be lonely sometimes, Loras."
Loras flushed and turned his head in an adorable manner.
"I- no, I did not think so at all! I never said anything like that!" Loras exclaimed. Renly grinned at his squire's expression, not trying to think about the funny feelings in his stomach looking at his squire the way that he did.
"Oh? But your face tells a different story," Renly continued to tease his squire. "Don't worry, Loras, I won't tell anyone else, if that's what you're worried about."
Loras released himself from the hug and crossed his arms.
"...sorry," he thought he heard his squire murmur.
"What did you say, Loras?" Renly asked in confusion.
"I said I'm sorry, alright?!" His squire shouted in his face. "I'm sorry I saw you as perfect, I'm sorry I didn't want to talk to you because I thought you weren't any good as a knight."
"Don't those two things contradict one another?" Renly questioned, amused. "But no worries, Loras, I am a magnanimous knight, after all. I'm sure I won't hold it against you."
Loras groaned, but Renly could tell that it was one of amusement and exasperation, rather than of actual annoyance.
"How about this, Loras? We can grab a snack at the kitchens, and then come back out here to look at the beauty of Storm's End. I promise I won't annoy you too much," Renly found himself offering. His squire nodded, and that was that.
Renly had always known that he was different, compared to other sorts in his family. Robert endlessly lusted after women, and after Lady Lyanna's death, used women to escape his sorrows. Stannis...really didn't seem interested in many at all, and found the marital bed a chore, and Renly….well, Renly was a sword-swallower, so that was a different can of worms to open, as Loras might say.
If it hadn't been for his squire, who know where he would have been, how he would have acted? And Loras loved him, loved him so much he failed at being discreet around Loras's own family, and Loras's family...Renly could almost forget that Mace Tyrell had been at the edge of the siege with the way he and his family had treated Renly.
The Queen of Thorns approved their relationship, even subtly, by sending barbs at those disrespecting Loras and Renly in her presence. Loras's father and mother weren't actively approving, but at least, did not bother to intervene, save for suggesting a match between him and a Tyrell cousin. Willas and Garlan hardly cared - in fact, they were extremely protective of their little brother. Garlan had even threatened him subtly, on one occasion, to treat Loras correctly, or be hurt if he didn't. Hah! As if Renly would ever dream of hurting his Loras.
And Margaery...Loras's little sister, Renly thought, was the driving force behind it all. He knew that Margaery was fiercely protective of her older brother, and went to great pains to ensure her older brother was protected, not only by him, but by her family. It was her that he had caught, telling the Queen of Thorns not to say anything about their relationship, and it was her gleaming eyes who had noticed him and Loras first.
Loras was absolutely correct in noting that she was "the tiniest Queen you'd ever know" - when Margaery set her mind to something, she would absolutely do it, with at least three counter-plans to spare. Renly had seen his (good-sister?)'s mind at work in the brief visit to Winterfell, and had even been accosted on one eventful occasion for a conversation before her wedding to Robb Stark, and shuddered at the remembrance of that conversation.
"Lord Renly, could I talk to you for a brief moment?" Margaery asked mock-shyly. She had known, somehow, that Loras would already have been asleep, and had accosted him at the right moment.
Renly, of course knew that something would be off with this conversation, and that he should probably be careful, but if Loras found out that he hadn't made the effort to talk to Loras's family, especially Loras's favorite sibling, he would be in trouble indeed.
"Of course, Lady Margaery. What can I do to help you?" Renly asked curiously.
Margaery smiled, closing the doors and locking it swiftly, and looked at him intently, her hands crossed in an evaluative manner.
"What are your intentions with my dear brother, Lord Renly? Is he your plaything, an amusement to be had in the courts of King's Landing? Or is he your lover, as strong as the songs say?" she asked, her eyes hard and gleaming, with a searching look that made Renly feel as though he was being evaluated.
"I-" Renly stammered. He had not expected this.
"Don't ask me how I know, Lord Baratheon, simply answer my questions." Margaery continued, flatly. "What do you want to do with him?"
How was this the same woman who had Robb Stark so enamored, and who had been so kind and sweet to the King's entourage? It was as if she was a completely different person - her warm, brown eyes, replaced with cold, gleaming, calculating eyes seeming to assess his very soul itself.
"I love your brother, my lady," Renly replied nervously. "And I want whatever I can have with him, for as long as possible. Hopefully, for the rest of our lives, but I know that….sword-swallowing….isn't extremely accepted."
Margaery began to smile, the cold look replaced with something much more neutral.
"Good." Margaery replied. "You'll also find that homosexuality in the courts and in the Seven Kingdoms isn't as...controversial as you would think. Prince Daeron, the son of Aegon the Unlikely, was said to have preferred the company of men to women, and had a favored squire. Just so long as you never place yourself in a position in contention for the Throne, such as poor Laenor Velyaron, you should be fine, though truly, I see no difference between a homosexual king and another King. Your preferences don't determine your adequacy at ruling, after all."
Then, she affixed him with a curious gaze.
"Now, Lord Renly, my….good-brother in all but name," she noted, whispering the last part quietly. "Is my dullard of a brother treating you properly? Treating you the way that you want to be treated?"
"What kind of question is that?" Renly jested. "Should you not be in the business of protecting your brother? What kind of sister are you?"
"I am protecting my brother," she replied, "and protecting my brother means protecting you, apparently, since this is to be his potentially-fatal love affair out of the songs."
Renly laughed. Their love affair was certainly something out of a song, that was for certain.
"Loras treats me wonderfully, straight out of the songs, and I will receive his love for as long as he sends it to me."
"Good." Margaery said. "Now, if you need anything, let me know, and I will do my best to help, but..."
Her eyes bored into him, reminding him of the Queen of Thorns's gaze.
"I will do my absolute best to protect my family in any way I can, as a daughter of House Tyrell." Margaery stated, the flat intonation making him wary yet again. "This may include you, and will most likely include you, if Loras has anything to say about it, but...if you, were to, ah, do anything to hurt Loras…"
Her voice trailed off, allowing silence to fill the room, and for Renly's mind to fill with the possibilities that it could entail. Gods, Robb Stark must be quite a masochist, for him to be this enamored. Or perhaps, he had never been exposed to this side of Margaery yet.
".,..I won't, my lady." Renly answered, quickly.
Her smile came back again.
"Good. I had this conversation with Arianne a long time ago, and it wasn't nearly as effective as this one. Perhaps I should adapt this conversation with Garlan's betrothed, and add onto it. After all, it wouldn't do for a harlot to become Lady of the Reach, after all…" Margaery mused. "..anyways, off to bed with you, goodbrother. I'll see you in the morning soon enough, and I have wedding business to plot. Just don't tell Loras, would you? He'd never let this go."
Renly grinned, especially at the inclusion of his status with Loras.
"I won't, my lady." he answered.
She hugged him in response, and they held the hug for a few seconds, before Margaery released herself and made a shooing motion with her hands.
Renly knew that there were decisions to be made, considering the perilous incidences that had come out of King's Landing. Childhood, and the days of summer were at an end, replaced with the cold, hard days of war. Renly had no true desire to rule - only, if, perhaps, Loras had convinced him to take on the mantle, but if there was no need for him as a ruler, he was content with the idea of sitting in Storm's End, feasting, and ruling his portion of the Realm.
If it had been possible, he wanted to marry a Tyrell, and be a Tyrell. To join that shining family, to wear green and gold and escape to a world where hunger was a child's take and love was there in spades, he would do almost anything. Mayhaps in a better world, he could have been married to Loras, and joined the family officially that way, but...no, that would not happen. He knew he was a Baratheon, and that could not be avoided, but he also knew that he wanted to be a Tyrell, and that there were different responsibilities there as well.
But Stannis's interests and the Tyrell interests were contradictory - that was for certain. Mace Tyrell would never acquiesce to being ruled under Stannis, and Stannis had never quite forgiven House Tyrell for their role in the Siege of Storm's End. Renly, of course, knew that Mace Tyrell had played a role, but so long as he had food in his belly, and was alive, he would be content - the Siege had taught him that life was short, and that life was messy and perilous at the same time.
What decision could he make? Either way, he was cursed - to betray his family, or betray the love of his life, and his wanted family. He knew that he would have to choose soon, and that he would suffer for it.
And then he looked at Loras's peaceful sleeping face, next to his. Felt Loras's body, so perfectly molded to his body, and the love that they shared, and the care that they felt towards one another. Mother had once told him, before she had passed in the great storm, that she hoped that he would find someone he loved so fiercely that his fury would be in their protection, as strongly as he knew his Father and Mother loved one another.
No man is as accursed as a kinslayer….
But for Loras…
For Loras, he would burn in the Seven Hells, just to feel his touch, and his warmth. For Loras, he would knowingly betray his brother, and his family. He would betray Storms's End itself, he would flee to Essos, he would do anything, all for Loras.
Mother would understand - it is the same way she felt about Father, after all. The same reason they died together, instead of separately.
Loras shifted groggily in his sleep.
"...whasamatter?" Loras asked, his voice clouded by sleep. Renly gave his sleeping lover a tender look.
"...nothing, my love, go back to sleep." Renly replied fondly, dropping a feather-light kiss to Loras's lips before curling up with his sleepy lover.
He would do whatever Loras and House Tyrell wanted him to do, step on that trap, and betray everything he stood for.
For Loras.
