Chapter 5
Bellamy did not bother to get out of his sister's way, even though she was coming straight towards him. She didn't seem to notice that the walk symbol was not showing at the crosswalk, nor did she notice him standing on the other side of the street. She had her earbuds in and her phone in her hand, so she was off in her own world. When she bumped into him, that finally got her to look up.
"You should really watch where you're going," he suggested as he pulled one earbud out of her ear.
"Sorry," she said, yanking the other one out. "I was looking at this picture Katie Hoffman posted. You remember her, right? Total bitch, always thought she was better than everyone else." She rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Turns out she's already pregnant." Grunting, she shook her head, and returned her eyes to her screen. "God, what a slut."
Bellamy tensed a bit, automatically thinking of someone else who was pregnant right now. Someone who definitely wasn't a slut. "Where you headed?" he asked her.
Groaning, she put her phone away and continued walking. "Stats class. You wanna go in my place? 'cause that'd be cool."
He followed along beside her and said, "Oh, come on, college isn't that bad. You know, some people would do anything to be able to go."
"Well, if college is so great, then why did you drop out of it?" she asked.
He had his reasons, valid ones, but there was no way he was getting into it.
"Stumped you on that one, huh?" She probably meant it to come off in a teasing way, but his stalled college plans were a sore spot for him, more than she knew. "You know, you could probably enroll here," she said. "It's not like you're that old."
He made a face. "I'm not old at all."
"Twenty-three. That's almost a quarter of a century."
Well, when she put it like that, she made him feel old. "Alright, so that means I'm older and wiser, and maybe you should listen to me," he said, turning it around on her. "College is good for you. Just make the right choices and you'll be fine."
She failed to stifle a laugh.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing. Just . . ." She stepped in front of him, readjusting her backpack on her shoulders. "You're standing here telling me to make the right choices? I love you, Bellamy, but you did some wild things growing up. Sex and drinking and more sex and partying. And probably more sex on top of that."
Yeah, so he was a hypocrite. Weren't most adults? "I know I didn't always set the greatest example back then," he acknowledged.
"But that's not gonna stop you from being the over-protective big brother now." She sighed heavily. "Well, can't protect me from the frat party I'm going to tonight."
"Frat party?" He didn't like the sound of that.
"Yeah. It's gonna be fun."
Dammit it all to hell, he wanted to say something to talk her out of going, but he didn't want to be so over-protective that it just pushed her to discard his advice even more.
"Relax, I'm going with my roommate. It's fine," she said. "Why don't you just fuck Clarke again? It'd take your mind off of worrying about me." Smirking, she spun and continued walking down the sidewalk. She put her earbuds back in, took her phone back out, and he hung back and let her go. As much as he hated to admit it, she was an adult now, too. He just hoped she didn't end up finding herself in Clarke's situation, or an even worse one.
...
Clarke was already making a mental list of what she had to do in between classes as she got up and walked down the steps of the auditorium at the end of BIO 452. Scheduling the ultra sound was a big one. The office had been closed yesterday, so she had to schedule it today. No way around it.
Professor Jaha was handing out essays as students left the room, and she was the last one left, so her essay was the only one still in his hand. "Excellent work, as always," he said, smiling at her proudly.
"Really? I wasn't super confident about this one." She'd stayed up until 3:00 a.m. one night last week, practically pulled an all-nighter because she'd had such a hard time concentrating what with thoughts of her late period on her mind.
"You should be confident, Clarke," Jaha urged. "Your research is sound, your analysis is interesting. You've got a bright future in the medical field. I'm sure your mother's proud of you."
Her mom definitely was, for her college achievements, at least. "Thanks." She folded up her essay and stashed it in her backpack, not quite sure she deserved the grade she'd gotten. Jaha was Wells' father, though, and even though she and Wells hadn't lasted beyond their freshman year of high school, he'd always kind of had a soft spot for her. That was probably the only reason why he'd let her answer that essay question she'd initially neglected the other day.
"So where do you plan to go to med school?" Jaha inquired. "Johns Hopkins?"
"In Baltimore?" That'd been on her radar once, but now . . .
"Yes. Isn't that where your mother went?"
"Yeah, but I don't . . . I don't know if I'm gonna . . ." Being pregnant was really going to impact her future plans, because there was no way she could go to medical school and be a single mom both at the same time. "I haven't really thought that far ahead," she said, eager to evade the question. "Anyway, I have to go, but thanks for the, uh, the grade." Normally, she would have stuck around and talked to her professor a little bit, may have even asked how Wells was doing at Brown, but today, she just wanted to get out of there before he asked her any more questions about her future.
As she was making her way to the student union, her cell phone vibrated in the side pocket of her backpack. She took it out and saw the name of someone who didn't typically call her on the screen.
"Hi, Dad," she answered excitedly. It'd been over a month since they'd talked.
"How's the birthday girl?"
She smiled. "Better now. So far you and mom are the only ones who've remembered."
"What'd she get you?" he asked.
"A lot of things for around the house. Decorations and stuff."
"Hmm. Well, make sure you check the mail. You should have a card in there from me."
"A card?" she echoed. Not that she was ungrateful or anything, but . . . her dad had gotten her a card for her birthday?
"Yeah. I didn't know what to get you, so I wrote you a check, figured you could just buy what you want that way."
She pressed her lips together tightly, if only to keep from exhaling in disappointment. There was nothing wrong with money, and her dad definitely had plenty of it. But wasn't money the kind of gift you gave someone when you had absolutely no idea what else to give? How did her own father of all people just have no idea?
When she got home, the first thing she did after getting out of the car was check the mail. And indeed, there was a card from him, right on schedule. She slid her fingernail underneath the seal of the envelope to open it up, took the card out, and completely ignored the colorful design on the front in favor of flipping straight to the inside to see if he'd written her anything. He really hadn't. There was a generic happy birthday message printed on the card itself, but underneath in his sloppy penmanship was simply Love, Dad. It was so impersonal, so insignificant, that he may as well have not even signed it at all.
"Nice, Dad," she mumbled sarcastically, feeling like she couldn't even appreciate the two-hundred dollar check he'd slipped in there. That wasn't pocket change, and she actually was grateful for that. But she would have preferred a cheap present from him, as long as it'd come from the heart.
Card in hand, she climbed the front porch steps, inserted her key into the lock, and pushed the door open. She'd barely crossed the threshold when . . .
"Surprise!"
What in the actual fuck? There were people all over her living room, people who jumped up from behind the couches and crawled out from underneath her desk. It wasn't just Raven and Murphy and her other friends, either. There were people there she hadn't hung out with a whole lot since high school. Including Bellamy.
"Oh my god, we really surprised you!" Raven exclaimed, bounding towards her. "I didn't think we'd pull it off." She threw her arms around Clarke and hugged her excitedly then yelled to somebody, "Music!"
As music began to play, Clarke looked around unsurely and asked her friend, "What is this?" Although . . . it was sort of obvious.
Murphy, with his camera in hand, of course, was filming everything. "This is my friend Clarke's twenty-second birthday party," he narrated. "Let's see if anything exciting happens tonight. I doubt it, but you never know."
Her other closest friend, Harper, came towards her next, her long blonde hair practically cascading behind her in ways Clarke's never had when it was longer. They hugged, too, and Harper said, "Hey, just so you know, Raven planned the whole thing."
"Harper helped," Raven made sure to add.
"You guys . . ." Now that the initial surprise had worn off and she looked around, she was sort of touched that, not only had they not forgotten, they'd also decorated. There were streamers and balloons and a happy birthday banner hanging above her kitchen table. "Thank you. What did I do to deserve such good friends?"
"Absolutely nothing," Harper joked.
She laughed, then scanned the room, noting all the faces. "Oh, wow, there's a lot of people here," she remarked. "Monty and Lexa and . . . Bellamy." She gave Raven a look. "You invited Bellamy?"
"Well, yeah. He's your friend," Raven replied casually.
"He's a little more than that." There wasn't a doubt in her mind that Raven was trying to play matchmaker, and honestly, if it hadn't been for her bun in the oven, it may have even worked. "Are you filming?" she asked Murphy when his camera got obnoxiously close to her face. "Stop filming this."
"Birthday girl's gettin' bitchy," Murphy grumbled. "Let's go see what everyone else is up to." He carried his camera towards Monty, Harper's boyfriend, but Monty, as usual, just ignored it.
"Relax, he'll edit all this," Raven assured her. "Now let loose and enjoy your party."
"Woo!" Harper exclaimed, and in typical Harper fashion, she started dancing. Girl was a good dancer.
Normally, Clarke didn't have a huge problem letting loose. She'd learned how to party in high school, and in college she'd learned how to do it more responsibly. Most of the time. But when Raven put a bottle of beer in her hand, it wasn't like she could drink it. So she just sort of walked around, awkwardly holding it, hoping no one noticed that it was never getting any emptier.
It was fun to see some people she hadn't interacted with in a while. Jasper Jordan was one of them. He'd graduated high school the year after her, but she hadn't really hung out with him since the year she and Bellamy had been together. "Jasper!" she exclaimed, hugging him as she meandered through the living room. "Long time, no see." He didn't look like as much of a dork these days; he probably still was one, but his clothes were no longer Pokémon-themed, and he wore sophisticated glasses instead of his goggles.
Miller was there, too, which was awesome, because Miller was awesome. He'd gone to Arkadia on a wrestling scholarship and had to be a third-year senior at this point. She'd seen him a few times in the on-campus LGBTQ group, but he didn't attend the meetings or events nearly as frequently as she did.
Talking to Jasper and Miller was nice and everything, but they didn't take too much of her time. It was like there was some unspoken understanding that she needed to talk to Bellamy more, so they gave them a little space. Space that Clarke wasn't quite sure what to do with. "Hey," she said.
"Hey." He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Happy birthday."
"Thanks. Thanks for coming." It really was kind of nice to have him there.
"Of course," he said. "I hope you don't mind I invited the guys along."
"No, it's fine. It's good to see them." And it was good to see Bellamy spending time with them, too. It was just like old times. Except for her being knocked up and everything. "Did you meet Lexa?" she asked him.
"Yeah, while we were waiting." He wriggled his eyebrows. "Pretty hot ex-girlfriend, Clarke. I'm impressed."
Yeah, Lexa was definitely gorgeous, the kind of girl who could be a size 2 without even trying and didn't have to wear any makeup to look like she belonged in a magazine. "Well, we're just friends now," she said. "Did you see who Monty's dating?"
"Yeah, it was, uh . . . Haley or something, right?"
"Harper." At least he'd been close, though. "She was my roommate freshman year, and then after Raven and Zeke broke up, the three of us were like a trio."
"Like Charlie's Angels?" Bellamy said. "Hot."
They were a pretty hot trio, if she did say so herself, and they'd always all gotten along so well. She wasn't one of those girls who had tons of friends, but the ones she did have were definitely keepers. "I'm sure Jasper's happy to have you back," she said. "He always told people you were the only reason high school wasn't hell for him."
"Yeah, I missed that kid." Bellamy's eyes drifted to the stairs, and Clarke followed his glance to see Jasper trying to moonwalk . . . up the stairs. Bellamy chuckled. "Look at him, he's such a spaz."
"He really is," she agreed. Jasper was pretty loveable, though, and as a senior, Bellamy had probably rescued that kid from four years of horrendous high school bullying.
"So I take it Raven doesn't know that you're . . ." He trailed off, motioning to the bottle in her hand.
"Oh. No," she said. "I haven't told her yet." She and Harper both were going to find out eventually. When she was ready.
"What about your parents?" he questioned.
She shook her head.
"The boyfriend?"
"Ex-boyfriend," she corrected. "And no, I haven't told him." She felt kind of shady about that, but . . . she just didn't feel ready.
"That's okay," he said. "You don't have to tell him yet."
No, but she was going to have to tell him soon. And if he didn't believe her, she'd show him the pregnancy test and the ultrasound as proof.
"You want me to help you out with that?" he asked, pointing to her beer.
Inconspicuously, she handed it over to him, and he tossed his head back and took a few gulps. "Thanks," she said when he handed it back to her. Even though she hadn't told him about her news under the most ideal circumstances, it was nice to feel like she at least had someone to confide in.
She probably could have stayed there and talked to Bellamy a lot longer, but she wanted to go say hi to Lexa, too, so she excused herself from him momentarily and interrupted Lexa and Harper as they danced together.
"Hey!" Lexa exclaimed, squeezing her tightly. "Happy birthday."
"Thanks," Clarke said. "You look great."
"So do you," Lexa complimented. "You're glowing."
Clarke felt her whole facial expression just shift. "What?" Did Lexa know? How could she? Bellamy wouldn't have said anything, and she wasn't supposed to start showing at all yet.
"Having him back," Lexa said, giving her arm a little nudge. "I can just tell you're excited."
"Oh, right." Well, she was excited about that. And of course Lexa knew. Lexa had heard her talk about Bellamy a lot over the years, sometimes in her sleep and sometimes out loud. It wasn't one of the reasons why they had broken up or anything, but Lexa had once told her that she knew she wasn't the one for her. Not that Bellamy necessarily was. Not that he could be now.
"Gotta say, if I wasn't gay, I could understand the attraction," Lexa remarked, eyeing Bellamy across the room. "He's even better-looking than you made him sound."
Clarke smiled and blushed. Yes, all her exes were hotties, but damn, Bellamy was just plain smoldering. He always had been.
...
Although her sketchbook was getting full, Clarke still had a couple blank pages in the back of it to draw whatever she wanted. Since she had gotten all her homework done and didn't need to use her study hall to do any actual studying, she went to the library, sat down at one of the large tables, and jotted down a quick sketch of somebody whose features were becoming increasingly easy to recall: Bellamy.
Bellamy Blake was not an easy guy to draw. His skin tone was gorgeous but difficult to replicate, and his freckles were adorable, but she wasn't sure if she was including too few or too many of them. She loved drawing hair, and he had a thick, luscious head of hair to draw, but his eyes and mouth challenged her. Bellamy managed to say so much with his eyes, more than she felt capable of drawing, and that smile of his . . . she just couldn't quite capture how contagious his smile was.
Just as she was putting some finishing touches on the base of her sketch, a shadow came over her book. When she looked up, there stood Bree, hands on her hips, a scowl on her face. "You do know you're not his girlfriend, right?" she snapped.
Jealous much? Clarke thought. "Neither are you," she pointed out, returning her attention to her drawing. She was so not in the mood for petty girl drama.
With no quick comeback, Bree just huffed and marched off. What the hell had she even been doing in the library? Bree didn't study, even though she was one of the students who actually needed to. Maybe she'd been trying to convince poor Jasper to do her homework, because yes, a freshman could probably do math better than she could.
Glancing up at the clock, Clarke noticed she only had a few minutes left before the bell rang, and she wanted to check out a new book, so she closed her sketchbook, grabbed her things, and headed into the stacks to search for anything that caught her eye. She'd already finished the book club's latest piece to read, and she needed something else now.
Plucking an anthology of some of the classics off the shelf, she flipped through a few pages, not sure if she was in the mood for something more modern or something that had stood the test of time. As she was reading the first paragraph of one of the stories, a gruff voice came over her shoulder. "Oh, yeah, that's a good one. I read it every night."
A pleasurable shiver traversed her spine when she felt his body close in behind hers. "Hey, Bellamy," she said, closing the book and placing it back on the shelf. Spinning around, she noted, "I don't think I've ever seen you in the library before."
"Yeah, I try not to set foot in here," he said. "But someone told me it was where I could find you, so . . . here I am."
He'd been looking for her? The thought made her stomach tingle. Unfortunately, it also made her a klutz, because she accidentally lost hold of her sketchbook, and it fell to the floor. "Oh, shit," she cursed.
He bent down despite the heavy backpack on his shoulders and picked it up for her. Of course, though, he just happened to spot the sketch of him towards the back, and she lowered her head, her face reddening with embarrassment.
"What's this?" he asked. "Did you draw this?"
"Yeah," she admitted sheepishly. "It's not my best." It'd be better one it was finished, but right now, it was looking kind of rough.
"So you like drawing, huh?" he said, closing her book and handing it back to her.
"Yeah, I love it."
He put his hands on either side of her head, gripping the bookshelves, and flirtatiously asked, "What else do you like?"
Well, she loved singing, and even cheerleading, sometimes, but she wanted to give him a taste of his own flirty medicine, so she instead opted for, "Doing things with you."
That look in his eyes was so lustful, so intense, that she honestly thought he might press her back against that bookshelf and make out with her right there. But before he got the chance, the bell rang, signaling the end of the day, and the sounds of students flooded the halls. "I got football practice," he groaned.
Well, that was pretty important, she supposed. Team couldn't very well practice without their star quarterback.
"You wanna come over later?" he invited.
Her breath hitched momentarily, but she tried to play it cool. "To do what?"
"Things." A mischievous smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "With me."
She smiled back at him, acting coy even though it wasn't even a question in her mind. Yes, she wanted to do things with Bellamy. All the things. She'd just tell her mom she was going over to Raven's for a while tonight.
Football practice ran late, so Clarke had to wait impatiently for over two hours. But Bellamy texted her right when he got home, and she headed over there in a hurry. He worked a little magic with his hands, but other than that, they pretty much cut straight to the sex. Once again, he was on top, which was fine by her, because that meant she didn't really have to do anything except lie there with her legs open and let him do his thing.
"Ah!" she cried out, hoping he'd meant it when he assured her his mom and sister weren't home. "Ah!" An orgasm tore through her, only her second one ever, and it was even better than the first. Because this time, he was inside her, and he came right after, pressing his hips hard into hers as his whole body clenched up. "Uh . . ." he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut while he experienced the same kind of pleasure he'd just given her.
It took them both a moment to come back to earth, to just lie there with each other panting for air. But he was the first to speak when he lifted his head from her shoulder and asked, "Did you like that?"
"Yeah." Sex with Bellamy was like a drug; she just wanted more. "Did we . . . together?"
"Uh-huh." He could barely even nod his head. "I felt you cum, and it made me cum, too."
Oh god, thinking of that just turned her on even more. She wondered what it felt like for him, because she knew her pussy kind of squeezed and clamped down on him in that moment. And it was already a tight fit down there to begin with.
"It didn't hurt so much this time, did it?" he asked as he slowly pulled out of her.
"No. Just a little a bit when we started. But then it felt good."
He laughed breathily and gave her a kiss, staying on top of her even though they weren't joined anymore. "It felt good to me, too."
...
"Alright, time for presents!" Raven exclaimed, and Clarke didn't hate the sound of that. She'd seen a small pile of presents on her kitchen table, and she'd been itching to unwrap them since the party had started.
"My attendance is my present," Murphy declared.
"Oh, shut up." Raven whacked her boyfriend's shoulder, then pulled him down next to her on the couch. "This is from both of us," she said, handing Clarke a shiny gold gift sack.
Like a little kid, Clarke dug into the tissue paper. She felt something silky inside, and when she pulled out turquoise lingerie. A bra that would barely cover anything, a thong that would cover even less.
"Just to wear for . . . someone," Raven said. "Anyone."
Bellamy was standing right next to the couch, and she couldn't really help but cast a quick glance at him, just to gauge his reaction. He looked . . . kind of intrigued, but he didn't say anything.
"Thanks, Raven," Clarke said, quickly putting the sexy—and admittedly gorgeous—lingerie back in the sack. "What's next?"
"Here, open mine," Harper said, handing her a smaller sack. "It's a book."
Well, that sort of took the surprise out of it, but Clarke still tore open the paper eagerly anyway. "Smutty romance novel," she noted. "Thanks, I love it." When she and Harper had been dorm-mates, they'd been addicted to smutty fanfics for all sorts of teen shows.
Lexa's present was fun—a Sports Illustrated desk calendar with 365 hot swimsuit-clad girls on it for the coming year. The guys mostly played it safe with gift cards, which she was more than okay with, because she hadn't expected gifts from Miller and Jasper anyway. But Bellamy had clearly gone a different route when he handed his present over. "Here," he said. "Happy birthday."
"Bellamy, you didn't have to get me anything."
"Of course he did," Raven said. "Open it."
As she peeled back the paper, she wasn't sure what to expect from a package that felt very much like another book. But when she felt the leather front of it and saw that it was absent of any title, she knew exactly what it was, even before she opened it up to reveal dozens upon dozens of blank pages.
"I don't know if you still draw, but . . ." He trailed off.
A sketchbook, she thought, staring at it in awe. She hadn't had a new one of those in a while.
"Not nearly as much as she should," Harper said. "That's a good gift, Bellamy."
It wasn't just good. It was perfect. She really did miss drawing sometimes. "Thank you," she said, meeting his eyes in gratitude.
He just nodded mutely, as though it were no big deal, but it felt like one to her.
That night, after everyone had left and it was just her alone upstairs in her room, she sat up in bed, leaning back against the headboard with her brand new sketchbook on her lap. She didn't have any of her drawing pencils here, just regular ones, but they would do.
It'd been a few months—not years—since she'd attempted a sketch of Bellamy Blake, but naturally he was the only thing she felt like drawing tonight. What had once been difficult was so easy now. She had his eyes memorized, and his smile would always stick with her. By now, she knew how many freckles to add to make it look just like him, and his skin tone was something she could easily shade in. The only challenge this time was adding the beard, and even that wasn't too hard.
