Chapter 16
Staying awake in bio was a real challenge the next day. Try as she might, Clarke couldn't seem to keep her eyes open. Whenever they fell shut, she sort of jolted and squirmed around to try to stay awake, but eventually that tactic stopped working. While Professor Jaha talked about . . . something, she sat in the back of the lecture hall, nodding off. She didn't even know class was over until the person next to her slammed his book shut and got up.
She'd read about fatigue on several of the pregnancy apps she'd downloaded. It was to be expected, especially when she'd stayed up late last night with Bellamy. It didn't help that her bladder was still calling her to the bathroom every couple of hours at night, either. She only got to sleep in spurts.
As she was leaving the classroom, intending to go find a comfy chair in the student union and nap until her next class, Professor Jaha called to her. "Clarke. Do you have a minute?"
Oh, no, am I in trouble? she wondered as she turned back around. Falling asleep in class was super disrespectful.
"Is everything okay?" he asked her once everyone else had pretty much cleared out.
Well, everything was pretty chaotic, so she refrained from giving him an actual answer and instead responded with another question. "What makes you ask?"
"You slept through my lecture," he noted. "Again."
Oh god, how many times had it happened? She'd been a little drowsy last week, too, but she thought she'd managed to stay awake. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I haven't been sleeping soundly these past couple weeks and . . ." She probably just could have squashed the conversation by revealing that she was pregnant, but if she told Jaha, Jaha would tell Wells, and Wells would either get a hold of her to congratulate her or tell more people in their graduating class about it. "I've got some stuff going on," she told him vaguely, "but I'll try to do better." On average, only twenty-five people graduated Arkadia State with an academic record of straight A's. She intended to be one of them even with a baby on the way.
"You should visit the health center here on campus," Jaha advised. "They've got some over-the-counter medications for insomnia. That might help."
She really doubted they would, and she didn't want to take anything over-the-counter without a doctor's approval. But she said, "Yeah, I'll . . . do that," anyway. "Thanks." She headed to the door, managing to slip out of there before her professor once again asked if she'd nailed down her plans for medical school. Once she was showing, it wouldn't even be necessary to tell him med school was going to have to wait.
As she walked down the hallway, still feeling tired and for some reason craving Doritos and yogurt, Clarke thought about wandering past the construction site at the library, just to see if Bellamy was working. He'd left early this morning—something about his mom needing a ride to work because her car wouldn't start—and she'd been so drowsy that she'd barely managed to say goodbye. She didn't want to distract him while he was on the job, but . . . they probably needed to talk about what had happened last night.
When she was halfway down the hallway, she felt the need to visit the bathroom again, so she stopped, turned back around, and ducked into the nearest one. There were only three stalls, and all of them were full, so she patiently waited her turn. By the time one opened up, she could barely hold it. She sat down on the toilet and actually closed her eyes while she peed, because just getting to relieve her bladder felt so nice and, for the moment at least, relaxing.
When she glanced down at her underwear, that feeling of relaxation vanished. And it was replaced by something that felt very much like dread. Because there was a brownish-red patch of dried blood in her underwear. Just a small circle of it, but it was there. And it wasn't like these were period panties, either, so there was no reason for it to be there. No reason.
A nervous tingle zig-zagged up her spine, and she immediately stood up, checking the toilet for more blood. There was none, but still . . . there was blood in her underwear. There was blood in her underwear, and she was pregnant. Did that mean . . . couldn't that mean . . .
No, she thought, trying not to let the horrible thought cross her mind. But it did, and it terrified her.
Pulling her underwear and leggings back up, unable to stand the sight of that blood anymore, she reached into the side of her backpack for her phone. Frantically, with shaking fingers, she pressed a few buttons to call her mother, then moved around the stall, waiting for an answer.
It just kept ringing.
"Mom, pick up," she whispered. "Please, pick up." She didn't know what to do. Obviously something wasn't right, but she didn't know what was wrong. Whatever it was, she didn't want to do anything to make it worse.
Unfortunately, her mom's voicemail came on, which meant she was probably at work right now. Clarke whimpered, didn't bother to leave a message, and nearly dropped her phone because her hands were trembling so much. She was so worried she was bleeding even more right now, even though it didn't feel like she was. All she could picture was that little fuzzy blob on the sonogram somehow leaving her body, and it made her feel like breaking down.
Hold it together, she told herself, trying to come up with a plan. She couldn't just stay in that stall. She had to walk to the parking lot, get in her car, and get to the hospital right now. It wasn't far away. Nothing in Arkadia was. She could be there in ten minutes.
...
Usually, the only reason Clarke went to the hospital was for her yearly physical, to get a flu shot, or to see her mom. Even though she wasn't there very much, she knew a lot of the people who worked there from her mom's charity events, and they all knew her, too. When she spilled in the big double doors at the emergency entrance and approached Gaia at the front desk, Gaia beamed a smile and greeted, "Hi, Clarke. You here to see your mom?"
"No, I'm bleeding," she blurted out as tears stung her eyes.
Gaia stood up a bit to peer over the counter. "Where?" she asked.
Maybe it wasn't visible, but it was there, and she needed someone to tell her what was going on. "I'm pregnant, and I'm bleeding," she explained as calmly as she could. "So I need to see someone about it. Now."
"Oh, okay, slow down," Gaia said, her expression shifting into one of sympathy. "How far along are you?"
"I'm in my tenth week." She knew the first trimester was when she was at her highest risk for miscarriage, and the first trimester lasted until week twelve. She wasn't out of it yet.
"And are you bleeding heavily?" Gaia asked her quietly.
"No. It was just a little bit," she replied, her voice cloaked with unshed tears. "It was . . . dried."
"And are you in any pain?"
"No, but I'm worried."
"Okay, let me get a hold of Dr. Tsing," Gaia said, already picking up her phone. "We'll make sure you get examined today."
Clarke's lower lip quivered, and she had to ask, "Is my mom around?" Because yeah, it really would make her feel better to see her.
"She's with patients," Gaia said. "As soon as she's free, I'll let her know you're here, okay? Why don't you just sit down and wait?"
Wait? she thought bitterly, reluctantly slumping into the waiting room. Wait for what? To find out if I'm still pregnant?
The seats in the waiting room weren't particularly comfortable, but at least no one else was in there, so Clarke didn't have to feel embarrassed about reaching down in between her legs to check and see if her leggings were damp. They weren't, so she didn't seem to be bleeding right now. That didn't mean everything was alright, though. Why the hell was she bleeding at all if she was pregnant? What if it was the start of a miscarriage and she'd bleed more heavily later? What if she couldn't stop it?
"Is she out here?" she heard her mom ask a few minutes later. Gaia pointed into the waiting room, then spoke in hushed voice to her. When Clarke's mom rounded the corner, she wearing her long white doctor's coat and had a stethoscope around her neck. Her eyes shimmered with worried tears, too. "Clarke," she said, coming to sit down beside. "Oh, honey, they told me you were here. Are you okay?"
Clarke wiped her eyes and mumbled, "I don't know." If she knew the answer to that question, she wouldn't have had to come. "Did anyone tell you what's going on?"
"Yes," her mom said, looking at her sadly. "When did you notice?"
"Right after class." Had it happened while she'd just been sitting there sleeping? "I didn't know what to do, so I just came straight here."
"You did the right thing," her mother assured her, gently rubbing her back. "How much is it? About the size of a quarter? Or more than that?"
Clarke made a circle out of her thumb and pointer finger, about the size of a quarter, and mentally compared that to what she'd seen on her underwear. "Maybe just a little bit more," she said. "Is that bad?"
Her mom was silent for a moment, then said, "It could be anything."
"But am I having a miscarriage?" It was horrible to feel so powerless, like something might be happening to that baby and to her body right now, something she couldn't prevent.
"I hope not," her mom said. "You don't feel any cramps, do you?"
"No."
"Then that's good. That's a good sign."
It was? Was there even such a thing as a good sign right now? Wasn't it all just bad?
"This happens all the time, Clarke, to so many women," her mother assured her. "Sometimes it's serious, but sometimes it's not. Everything might be just fine."
Clarke took that in and nodded, allowing herself to be comforted just a little bit by those words. "How can we tell?" she asked.
"Well, Dr. Tsing's going to come in. It might take her a while to get here. She rotates hospitals, so she was out of town today," her mom explained. "But she's an OBGYN. She can do an ultrasound and check and see what's going on in there, and she'll be able to put your mind more at ease than I can. Alright?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat, really wishing he mom could just do an ultrasound right now. But her mom was a general surgeon. She didn't know how to do an ultrasound. She was lucky there was a doctor in Arkadia who was qualified, otherwise she'd have to go out of town to the imaging center again.
"So I just have to wait," she said, curling her legs up onto the seat.
"Until she gets here, yes." Her mom stroked her hair lovingly and advised, "Just try to stay calm, okay? I know that's hard to do right now, but getting worked up won't help anything. You just stay calm for the baby and say some prayers."
Clarke sometimes prayed for stupid things, like an A on a test or a pair of jeans that would fit just right. This sort of put things in perspective, though. This was the kind of thing she should be praying about. This was life or death.
"Abby," Gaia called into the waiting room. "They said they need you back in surgery now."
Clarke's mom sighed.
"Do you have to go?" Clarke asked. She'd feel so much better waiting there with her mom instead of waiting there by herself.
"Yeah, I do," her mother replied. "Are you gonna be okay?"
Don't be selfish, Clarke thought. She wasn't the only one in that hospital who needed her mom right now. For all she knew, whatever surgery was going on could be a serious one, just as serious as this. "Yeah, I'll be fine," she said. "Go ahead."
Her mom nodded sadly—it was probably hard for her to do her job on top of worrying about her daughter—and promised, "I'll be back out as soon as I can." She kissed the side of Clarke's head, then got up and headed out, waiting until she was rounding the corner to let her tears fall. Clarke didn't see them, but she heard the sniffling. Her mom could sit here and console her and try to make her feel as reassured as possible, but they both knew that there was a chance that something was seriously wrong.
Clarke wasn't sure where this other hospital was and how far Dr. Tsing would have to travel to get back to Arkadia. She wasn't sure how long it would take, and she didn't get a chance to ask Gaia, because the phone rang, and she had to take the call. A solitary tear rolled down Clarke's right cheek, and she felt like more were going to follow. She didn't want to sit there, crying by herself for what might end up being hours. She needed someone to be there.
Even though she'd left her backpack in the car, she'd at least had the sense to grab her phone and bring that in with her. She pulled it out of her pocket and went to her contacts list, scrolling down past Bellamy's name to Finn's. She knew she should call him, because even though they were still waiting on the official paternity test results, this was his baby. If something was going wrong, he deserved to know.
Her thumb hovered over his name, but she couldn't bring herself to press it. Instead, she moved her thumb downward, scrolling up on the screen. She stopped at Bellamy's name and again hesitated. It wasn't Bellamy's baby. Yet, he knew more about it than Finn did.
...
Bellamy stood in line with Roan at Arby's, looking up to survey the vast array of sandwiches on the menu. "I feel like I'm gonna get fat with all this fast food for lunch," he said.
"Don't sweat it," Roan said. "You have any idea how many calories we burn on an average day of work? Our jobs aren't easy."
"That's true." Bellamy felt like he wasn't going to have to worry about the gym anymore, at least not when it came to lifting. Roan was jacked, and he'd been doing construction for years.
As they shuffled closer to the front of the line, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Grabbing it, he saw he had a text. From Clarke.
At first, he blinked in confusion as he read what it said: Can you come to the hospital? He wondered if she was having another ultrasound until she sent him a clarifying message that read, I might be having a miscarriage.
His heart sank in an instant.
"What is it?" Roan asked.
That last word just stared up at him, and he felt like it was just getting bigger and bolder. A miscarriage. "Something's wrong," he said.
"What, your mom?" Roan asked. "Your sister?"
He gulped.
"Your girlfriend?"
Bellamy quickly texted back that he was on his way, then pocketed his phone and shot out of line. "I have to go," he said, heading for the door. "Can you tell Emerson?"
"Yeah, sure," Roan said, "but what's wrong?"
He shoved open the door.
"Bellamy!"
Running outside, he felt like he couldn't get in the car and start it up fast enough. He drove over the speed limit, getting to the hospital as quickly as he could. He went in the wrong entrance, though—he went in the clinic—and had to run outside around to the emergency room. The automatic doors slid open for him, and he spotted Clarke in the waiting room right after he walked inside. She was just sitting there with her head lowered, her hands in her lap, and didn't even look up at him. Maybe she didn't hear him come in.
"Hey, Princess," he said softly.
She lifted her head, and her eyes met his. Tear tracks stained her cheeks.
Every inch of him just ached. It was like, whatever pain she was feeling, he felt it in that moment, too. He sat down beside her, wishing he could take it all from her, that he could bear it all so she didn't have to.
"Thanks for coming," she mumbled. "I know I probably shouldn't have texted, but . . ."
"No, I'm glad you did." He couldn't imagine just being at Arby's with Roan while something like this was going happening. "What's going on?"
"Well . . ." It took her a moment to choke out, "There was blood in my underwear. Not a lot, but . . . enough to freak me out."
Oh, shit, he thought, trying not to wince or grimace. That wasn't good, though, right? That was what happened when women had miscarriages. "Did you talk to a doctor?" he asked her.
"Just my mom for a little bit," she said. "She says it might be nothing. Might be."
He wasn't that knowledgeable when it came to pregnancies, on account of only being five years old when his mom had given birth to Octavia, so he couldn't really offer up any alternative explanations. "What else might it be?" he asked, wondering if her mom had told her anything specific to try to keep her calm.
"I don't know. I've been too afraid to look anything up," she said. Facing away, she mumbled, "I feel like I'm getting punished."
"What?" That just didn't make any sense. Clarke was a good person. She didn't deserve this. "What would you be getting punished for?"
She didn't say anything.
"Clarke . . ." He reached over and took one of her hands in both of his, holding it tightly. "It's gonna be okay."
She looked back over at him, meeting his eyes again. Hers were just full of worry. "What if it's not?"
"It's gonna be," he persisted, even though he couldn't be sure of that. "So what happens now?"
"I have to wait for this other doctor to get here. She's gonna do an ultrasound," she explained. She smiled sadly and recalled, "Remember the last one? We heard the heartbeat. That was pretty cool."
He remembered that. It'd sounded like a thunderstorm or like an army marching rapidly or something. It had been pretty awesome. "You'll hear it again today," he assured her. Right now, she had to believe that. He didn't want her just automatically assuming the worst.
"You don't have to stay if you have to get back to work," she said, her voice cracking.
He shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Bellamy-"
"Clarke." It wasn't an option. He was staying. "I'm not going anywhere," he repeated, leaving no room for debate.
She didn't try to argue it further, and he saw the look of relief on her face. It was pretty obvious she didn't wanna be alone right now, so there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to leave her that way.
...
Dr. Tsing had always looked like a slightly older version of Princess Jasmine to Clarke. She had that long, dark, cascading hair and a darker complexion. She was the kind of doctor who wore high heels and had perfect make-up, the kind of doctor one saw on the medical dramas on TV. She was very pretty, but more importantly, she was very comforting. She started off first by giving Clarke a routine examination, taking her weight, her blood pressure, her temperature, all of which she noted were within the normal range. Then she had Clarke pull her pants down to show her the spotting in her underwear. Nothing had changed from earlier in the bathroom. It was still the same reddish-brown color and still the same size. Clarke had to pee so badly, though, that they had to pause the examination and let her do that before continuing.
When she came out of the bathroom, relieved that there hadn't been any blood on the toilet paper or in the toilet itself, it was time for the ultrasound. Dr. Tsing dimmed the lights and told her to lie back on the examination table. Her mom stood behind her, a quiet but supportive presence.
"I remember when you used to come in and job-shadow your mom," Dr. Tsing said as she lifted Clarke's shirt, "back in high school."
Yeah, that'd been easier to do than job-shadowing any artists or musicians.
"They had to do a certain number of hours of that every year," her mother told her colleague.
When Clarke first felt the cold goopy gel on her stomach, she had flashbacks to the last time she'd had this done, and when she thought of that, she thought about whose hand she'd been holding. "Mom, I want Bellamy in here," she blurted. She just felt like she needed to hold his hand again.
"Is he the baby's father?" Dr. Tsing inquired.
"No," her mom answered quickly.
"But I want him in here," Clarke said. "Please?"
A bit reluctantly, her mother said, "I'll go get him," and stepped out of the room.
Dr. Tsing continued to smear the gel around Clarke's stomach, and to her credit, she didn't prod about who Bellamy was or why Clarke was so insistent on having him back there. Instead, she asked, "Have you had an ultrasound before?"
"Yeah. One." The pictures from it were still up on her refrigerator.
"So you kind of know what to expect. We'll do a vaginal one after this, just to confirm everything we're seeing."
Clarke swallowed hard, still bracing herself for the very real possibility that this ultrasound might be . . . different. "What if we don't see anything?"
"Well, I'm hoping we will." The door to the room opened, and Dr. Tsing smiled pleasantly when Bellamy walked in with Clarke's mom. "Hello there," she said.
"Hi." He didn't pay the doctor much attention and instead came right to Clarke, asking, "You doin' okay?"
"I'm scared," she whispered, holding her hand out for his. He clasped it, and somehow, that simple touch made her feel just a little bit better.
Her mom returned to standing behind the examination table, and she smoothed Clarke's hair away from her face. She told her she was doing so good, and all three of them watched on the monitor as Dr. Tsing navigated around what was inside her belly, gradually producing a clearer image. Clarke remembered that black areas meant fluid, so she knew that if she saw too much black, that wasn't a good thing. But she thought she could make out the outline of a baby even before the doctor pointed it out.
"There it is," Dr. Tsing said happily. "There's the baby."
Clarke could see it, the big head, the small body. It looked even more like a tiny human than the last time she'd seen it. "Is it okay?" she asked, still worried. What if it was in there but it wasn't even alive anymore? Could that happen?
"Looks like it's developing nicely," Dr. Tsing said, doing a quick measurement. "See how it's got some little feet now, and even little knees?"
Feet and knees, Clarke thought, staring at the fuzzy image in astonishment. It did have feet and knees. She could sort of see them.
"Does it look a little bigger than last time?" Dr. Tsing asked with a smile.
"Yeah." One of her apps had said it was the size of a kumquat now. Whatever that was.
"Do you see the heartbeat, Clarke?" her mom asked, pointing up to the screen. "Do you see that flashing?"
"Uh-huh." A few tears seeped out of her eyes. If there was flashing, then that meant her baby was very much alive.
"Let's listen to that," Dr. Tsing said. Just like last time, she was able to do something that allowed them to pick up the sound of the heartbeat. It was a little slower this time, but Clarke had read that that was how it was supposed to be. "That sounds strong. Right where we want it to be," Dr. Tsing said. "You can't see it yet, but your baby's got fingernails and toenails forming now, Clarke. And the vital organs are developing. Brain, liver, kidneys . . ."
Clarke watched as the little blob on the screen changed shape a bit. "Is it moving?" she asked.
"Yeah, it is." Dr. Tsing laughed a little, and it moved some more. "Look at that."
"That's so cool," Bellamy said quietly. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the screen, but she was pretty sure he was smiling.
"So everything looks okay?" her mom asked.
"Everything looks completely normal," Dr. Tsing confirmed.
"Then why was I bleeding?" Clarke questioned. That just didn't seem normal to her.
"Well, it's not uncommon." Dr. Tsing kept moving the transducer around her abdomen, exploring other parts of her insides now. "They say anywhere from twenty to twenty-five percent of mothers experience bleeding in the first trimester. There wasn't much blood, and it wasn't a deep color. No tissue expelled. I'm not very concerned at all, Clarke. It could just be related to hormonal changes, or cervical changes."
"Cervical changes?" Clarke echoed, not exactly sure what that meant.
"Some women have spotting after exercise or physical activity," Dr. Tsing explained, "or after sexual intercourse."
Clarke's eyes got wide, and that time she did look over at Bellamy. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
"You think that might be it?" Dr. Tsing guessed.
It was an embarrassing thing to own up to with her mom standing right there, but oh, well. It was what it was. "Yeah, possibly," she said.
"Possibly," Bellamy agreed quietly.
Dr. Tsing looked like she was suppressing a smile, like she was perhaps amused by the two of them, then lifted the transducer off of Clarke's stomach. "We'll still do a vaginal ultrasound," she said, "but I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just monitor it for the next few days, come back in if it continues or gets any heavier."
"So . . . so should I not be having sex while I'm pregnant?" Clarke asked. "Did I do this?"
"Oh, no, sex is perfectly normal and even healthy during pregnancy," Dr. Tsing assured her as she wiped the gel off her stomach. "It can help you sleep better, lower your blood pressure, reduce stress. All those things are good for you and your baby. You might feel some cramping after an orgasm, particularly later on in your pregnancy, but it's completely normal. I'd say all of this is completely normal. You didn't do anything wrong."
Clarke felt an overwhelming surge of relief, like a wave crashing onto the shore. "So everything's okay?" she said, repeating her mom's question.
"Everything's okay," Dr. Tsing confirmed. "I would like you to abstain from sex for a few days, just to see if the bleeding stops. But as long as you go a few days without any symptoms like cramps or fever or more bleeding, then you're free to start back up again." She gave Bellamy a look after she said that, a smiling one, but Clarke had a feeling he was getting a much different one from her mom. Maybe not a glare, exactly, but . . . not a smile, either.
Clarke didn't care, though. She smiled, for the first time in hours. Waiting for this second ultrasound had been torture, and she hadn't anticipated having one done today. But seeing that flashing heartbeat and getting to watch the baby actually move meant the wait had been worth it.
...
It was pretty late by the time they left the hospital. Waiting had taken up most of the afternoon. Bellamy ended up going to get some dinner with Abby and Clarke. He was hungry as hell—the only lunch he'd ended up having was a bag of Doritos out of the vending machine, and Clarke had eaten half of it—but being around Clarke's mom was so nerve-racking that he couldn't even fully enjoy his food. It wasn't that Abby had ever outright hated him or anything; it was just that he never felt like he'd fully gotten her approval. And even nowadays, that feeling hadn't changed.
He didn't really say a whole lot while they ate, mostly because he didn't have much input when it came to maternity bras, and that was the topic of conversation. Clarke complained that her current bras were starting to feel really uncomfortable, so her mom said they could go to Kohl's or Target and get some better ones that weekend. He felt like such a guy, because while they talked, all he could do was picture her already large breasts growing a size or two larger. Last night, he had noticed that they were bigger. He hadn't said anything, of course, but . . . he'd enjoyed it.
After dinner, her mom headed home with the instruction, "Call me in the morning. I wanna check in with you." She thanked Bellamy for being there today and made a point of telling him that he was a good friend. Never mind the fact that it'd been glaringly apparently today that he and her daughter had been a little more than friendly with each other last night.
"You want some company?" he asked Clarke before she could get in her car.
"Sure," she said, smiling softly. It made him feel good to know that she'd wanted him there today and that she still wanted him around tonight.
He followed her to her place, and when they got inside, the first thing she did was walk over to her refrigerator and put the new ultrasound pictures up alongside the first ones. It almost looked like she was . . . proud. Which she deserved to be.
...
When Bellamy walked into the gym with the rest of the team, it was utter chaos. The cheerleaders were hosting their annual junior cheer camp for all the elementary school girls. There must have been about seventy of them there. They were supposed to be learning cheers to 'perform' at the game tomorrow night, but mostly, it seemed like they were just running around screaming and pulling each other's hair.
Most of the guys high-tailed it into the locker room, but Bellamy hung back until Clarke caught sight of him. She ran his way and dramatically wailed, "Oh, Bellamy save me. These kids are so annoying."
"Oh, no, you're on your own," he said. "I don't want any part of that."
She grunted. "Some knight in shining armor you are."
"Hey, this is a cheerleader event," he reminded her. Then, motioning to himself, he said, "Football player." Motioning in between the two of them, he said, "Football player, cheerleader. Football player, cheerleader. You see where I'm going with this?"
"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled. "Well, can you at least give me a kiss to help me make it through?"
"Oh, yeah." He could pretty much give her a kiss no matter what.
Their lips had barely even touched when a high-pitched, "Ew!" rang out. "You're kissing a boy!"
Clarke looked over her shoulder at a little girl who was pointing at them and making a face. "There's nothing 'ew' about it," she said. "Look how cute he is."
"Gross!" the little girl yelled, darting away.
"What the . . ." He huffed. "Huh. I've never actually been called gross by a girl before."
"Aww, poor thing," she pretended to sympathize.
He chuckled.
"Clarke!" Raven shrieked suddenly. Bellamy looked over to the other side of the gym and saw that a group of little girls was trying to de-pants Raven. "A little help here!"
Clarke groaned.
"Go," he urged, turning her around. "Rescue Raven." He had to give her a little push to get going, but eventually she started trudging that way. He didn't envy any one of those cheerleaders right now. Kids were annoying.
When he got into the locker room, a couple of the guys were showering, but most refused to shower with Miller in there. Rumors were starting to spread about his best friend—ones Bellamy knew were true—and some of his teammates were being pricks about it. Most of them were just changing directly from their uniforms into their clothes, but Bellamy planned on rinsing off. His mom might not have gotten the water bill paid on time, so it was possible he'd go home and not be able to shower there.
"Gettin' ideas?" one of his linemen, Dax, said to him.
"Huh?" He sat down on the bench to take off his shoes.
"You and Clarke," Dax said. "You guys gonna add a little rugrat to that mix out there someday?"
What the fuck kind of question was that? They were way too young. "Yeah, right," he said, not sure he'd ever have kids. That just seemed like a lot of responsibility.
"Clarke's hot, man," a guy named Roger, a consistent benchwarmer, agreed. "I'd do her."
"Yeah, me, too," Dax agreed. "In fact, whenever you're done with her, feel free to toss her on over to me."
"And me," Roger said.
Bellamy wasn't even sure who it was who said, "I'll get in line for that," but somebody did. He tried to ignore them, but they didn't let up.
"Does she give good head?" Dax asked. "'cause she looks like the type of girl who'd give good head."
"I think I'd fuck her tits first," Roger said. "You done that yet?"
It wasn't unusual for the guys to ask him about the girls he'd slept with, and honestly, sometimes he told them what they wanted to know. But he didn't like them asking about Clarke, and he wasn't gonna brag about his sex life with her. Even though it was lit. "Why don't you guys shut up about Clarke, okay?" he suggested impatiently. "Don't talk about her."
Everyone fell silent for a moment until Dax apologized, "Sorry, man. We just thought, since you used to tell us about other girls . . ."
"Yeah, well, Clarke's different." At this point, Bree had sucked off half the football team, but Clarke wasn't one of those girls. She was classier than that, and he wasn't going to let her be the subject of locker room talk. Because locker room talk got pretty graphic sometimes.
"Uh-oh," Roger said teasingly. "Is Bellamy in love?"
Everyone laughed.
"No," he denied. "But I like her. A lot." He rose to his feet, and that immediately shut the other guys up. "And I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you guys talk about her like she's a thing," he growled. "And if anyone tries, I'll fuckin' kick your ass. Got it?"
His teammates, many of them actual friends to him, all cowered a bit, and nodded or mumbled something in response. Yeah, they got it. Good.
...
Clarke sat down on the couch, sighing. "What a day."
"Yeah," he agreed, sitting beside her. Hadn't gone the way he'd expected it to, but it had all turned out fine. They could be grateful for that.
"I'm sorry I ruined your whole day," she said apologetically.
"No, you didn't ruin anything." He would have hated being at work while all this was going on, not knowing. "I'm glad you texted me," he told her, even though that text had worried the hell out of him. He was glad she'd had him come back in the examination room, too. After being there for the first ultrasound, it was kind of nice to be there for this one, too. "Can I ask you something?" he said, staring at her seriously.
She looked him in the eye and nodded.
There was something he'd been wondering about all afternoon, but it just hadn't seemed like the right time to ask. Now, though, it did. "Why'd you get a hold of me instead of Finn?"
She thought about it for a moment, looked down at her lap, and mumbled, "Because I knew you'd come."
"And you don't think he would've?"
She shrugged. "I don't know."
How was that even possible? Finn had been her boyfriend once, just like Bellamy had been, but unlike Bellamy, this was actually his kid. But he still hadn't heard his kid's heartbeat yet. Maybe he didn't even want to.
"You can call me or text me anytime," he told her. "Whenever you need anything." It didn't matter whether he was at work or with his mom or his sister or with friends. He'd drop whatever he was doing to be there for her. Someone had to be.
"I was so scared today, Bellamy," she admitted quietly.
"Everything's okay, though," he reminded her.
"I know. But when I thought it wasn't . . ." She trailed off, shuddering as she inhaled.
"Hey, shh," he said, rubbing her back. "It's alright."
She nodded tearfully, sniffling. "I know this baby was technically an accident," she said, "and when I first found out I was pregnant, I wasn't . . . I wasn't happy about it."
That was understandable, though. If she felt guilty about that, there was no reason to.
"But even though it wasn't planned and I don't know how it's all gonna turn out," she went on, "today made me realize that . . . I don't wanna lose it. I wanna have this baby." She touched her stomach and repeated the words. "I want this baby."
He gazed at her intently, amazed and impressed by how brave she was being about all of this. His own mother had been brave like that once, and she'd ended up being the best parent he ever could have hoped to have. "Come here," he said, putting his arm around Clarke's shoulders. He pulled her to his side, and she leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. Lightly stroking his fingers up and down her arm, he told her, "You're a good mom."
"I'm not a mom yet," she responded.
Worrying about her kid? Focusing all her energy today on making sure he or she was okay? Putting its picture up on the refrigerator? That all sounded pretty mom-like to him. "Yeah, you are," he said, giving the top of her head a kiss.
