for the OQ prompt party 2021, saturday.
prompts used:
173 : Regina is a vestal virgin but falls in love with Robin, maybe he's a merchant, a thief, a body guard, a soldier
295 : Regina is a vestal virgin, sworn to 30 years of chastity to serve the sacred hearth. She falls in love with Robin
176 : Robin is bisexual
49 : Robin can't forgive himself for something
172 : A kiss for luck
174 : Have to bedshare to save body heat
the title means: "Or as many stars [that see the secret love affairs of men], when the night is silent", from the 7th poem in Catullus' Carmina.
aut quam sidera multa, cum tacet nox
The soldier is… handsome.
There's no way around it – he's got that ragged, beautiful smile of someone who's used to get by anything and emerge unscathed. As he approaches her, she feels something surging inside of her – something she hasn't felt in years, and that she didn't think was still there at all.
"Milady," he greets her. "I was told I'd find you here."
She stares at him, unable to understand what's happening, until he tilts his head and suddenly she shakes herself from her haze.
"Yes, welcome," she murmurs, trying to regain that composure she never loses, not even in front of emperors and high dignitaries of Rome. "We… we can get going soon. I just have to speak with my substitute, and we'll be on our way."
He flashes her a smile, nods, and discretely backs off to the shadows. Regina glances at him, and forces herself to walk on towards her friend and colleague, who's waiting for her.
.
By the gods, she's a marvel.
He's been told about this Regina, the beautiful and powerful head of the Vestal order, probably one of the most powerful women in all the Roman empire. And she's everything the stories were telling and more, gods, she's – incredible, and he had to fight to keep his cool demeanor in front of her.
Because actually, he recognized her. When he was a slave, she's the one who freed him.
He can still see it, that day, as if it were yesterday. She didn't see his face, he knows it, she saw his back as he was being whipped, but still she chose to intervene in his life and bless his life with a brush of her fingers. And the chief of the Vestal is a mighty creature, with the ability to free a slave with just one touch. Robin asked who did it, later, to his ex-master, and he told him it was her, and then he spat at his face and threw him a small bag of coins – the money she'd left for him to start his new life.
So he is grateful, Robin is – because she may not know it, but she's the reason why he's definitely happier than he was as a slave. And Regina is… he can't even begin to describe how taken he is with her, already, after just that small conversation they had. He finds himself quite mesmerized with her, and he can already tell, this job will be so difficult. But he'll be respectful, as he always his when they send him to such kind of jobs, and he'll surely be able to keep his hands to himself for a couple of days.
He gets towards the horses, because she decided it will be much quicker than a carriage. As his hand strokes the black mare's fur, he prays to be strong enough.
.
She likes him. A lot.
And this is a problem.
She started off by being her cordial self – the one mask she always wears in this world dominated by powerful men, the mask Mal says it's now fused with her skin, but it's so difficult to use it with him. He's charming and witty, likes to chat – well, actually, they've been able to go through long strides of silence, but he always rekindles the conversation with no effort.
So she's started being curt, and he probably noticed the change, but it's a necessary evil: she doesn't think she'll be strong enough to resist him, if he keeps being this… kind, wonderful person.
He catches up after a day, when the night is about to fall.
"Have I… have I done something, or said something to offend you?" he asks, almost timidly.
She bites her lip, keeps staring straight in front of her. "Not at all."
"I couldn't help but notice a… change in your behavior towards me, after lunch."
"You have some nerve!" she says, glaring at him. "I… I'm simply worried about my meeting with the emperor."
"I see," he just murmurs, and their horses proceed in silence for almost a minute before he speaks again. "We should set out camp soon."
She nods, releases a breath. "Just… where is the nearest inn?"
"Oh there's no inn in this area, milady," he says, his eyes piercing her soul with a gaze. "I brought a tent. You surely noticed the mule who's following us – I'm afraid that's all we have for tonight. We took a shortcut, after all, we aren't on the main road."
Regina can't help it – and he surely notices her gulping. She looks back towards the mule, whom she thought was carrying food. "A… a tent?"
"I hope it'll be alright. It's for a night only."
.
Robin has – literally – just set his sleeping cot on the ground, when it starts raining.
"Fuck," he exhales, looking up, as splashes of wet and cold rain land on his face. "The gods must be angry at me tonight."
He looks longingly at the tent – Regina is inside, where it's probably nice and cozy, whereas he'll have to collect some drenched leaves and branches and build himself a makeshift shelter. He curses himself for not bringing two tents, but he really thought it was going to be sunny and –
"Robin?"
Her voice startles him, and the branch he was holding falls with a thud on the ground. He looks up towards her. "Yes?"
She lifts an eyebrow, and summons him. "Don't be an idiot, and come inside." She's disappeared again before he can utter a word, and he looks at the tent, dumbfounded, but a thunder startles him, and he finally reaches her.
.
She's tending to the small fire when he enters – well, I suppose that's what a good Vestal would do, she thinks – and he is shaking, so she invites him in.
"Thank you, Regina," he mutters, taking the cloak she's handing him. "I… I see you've made yourself at home."
"I know my way around a fire," she says, follows his gaze towards the small but noticeable hole for the smoke. "You… you can sleep here, you know. I don't bite."
He casts his eyes down, and she wonders, not for the first time today, what he is thinking about.
"Thank you," he says again. "I promise I'll keep my hands to myself."
"I sleep with a dagger," she informs him. "No offence, but... you know."
She sees him smiling, and she feels slightly better, because she has treated him rudely all day, after all. Slightly better. He is attractive, now that she looks at him near the fire, his eyes shine of a particular light. He's avoiding her gaze, as if he's afraid to meet her eyes, and she feels a certain sensation deep in her womb – a sensation she almost forgot existed.
"I, uh… I'll change now," he stutters, and maybe, just maybe, he's as affected by this as she is. She watches, until he turns, then her gaze remains on the fire until he coughs lightly. "Well, we… we should sleep."
"Will the horses be alright?"
He chuckles, she doesn't know why, but he nods. "I think they found a cave, it's nearby, so at least they won't catch the rain."
Regina nods – she was worried about their mounts, after all, and she looks at his drenched cot. "We can share mine, you know," she decides. "I suppose it's a bit larger than yours anyway."
He blushes again, this soldier she barely knows, but his eyes are bright when he nods.
.
The space between their backs is… incandescent.
Robin listens to her breaths – it's irregular, still, something he learned in the army, she's probably having trouble falling asleep as he is. She asked him to share, after all, so it's on her, but – fuck, he desired nothing more than taking her in his arms and kissing her right now. He flexes his fingers, trying, willing himself to just stay put. She's a Vestal. She's forbidden, his brain firmly repeats, but his body doesn't want to listen. He counts her breaths, now, decides that this is how he'll pass the time.
"Are you awake?" he hears her whisper, in the darkness.
He doesn't answer – tries to pretend to be asleep, and gods, how he wants to answer her.
"Pity," she sighs, and he listens to the sounds her body makes as she turns around and – now her front is facing his back. Her next words are almost inaudible. "I like talking to you."
.
When she wakes, everything around her is… hot. Warm, she corrects herself, it's warm, like a blanket, like her own personal fire. She burrows further against the source of warmth, her eyes closed, until a suspect creeps upon her sleepy mind.
Shit.
She slams her eyes open, but remains immobile as she takes the situation in. She's cuddling. With him. With the soldier that's been assigned to protect her. Oh this is bad, a voice screams in her mind, a voice that sounds so angry.
But it's so nice, she protests, he's splayed on his back and she has her head placed on his chest. It's forbidden, stop it, the voices scream again, but still, they aren't doing anything wrong, are they? After all, they're not…
He stirs, and she freezes, her eyes closing again. She feels his hand on her shoulder, hears a whispered Fuck, and she knows he knows that she's awake. The rhythm of her breathing has changed since she woke up, and he noticed, without a doubt, he must be a light sleeper after all, so she decides to stop pretending.
Her head rises up, she meets his startled eyes, and she feels a blush creep up her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she murmurs. "I don't know how… I'm sorry."
Robin shakes his head, his hand curling around her wrist. "I… It's alright," and gods, his eyes are so bright in the morning light. "It's alright. Nothing happened, and it was a cold night."
"Still, that was wrong of me. I… I can't – " she's spiraling, fuck, her heart thumping madly, she averts her eyes until she feels his fingers holding delicately her chin.
"Regina," he says, grounding, calm, how is he so calm? "Regina. Really – it's alright. Stop worrying so much, it was out of necessity. Your body knew what you needed, don't fault it for it."
She stares at him – nods, slowly, and she's rewarded with one of his smiles.
"Now, what do you say about breakfast?"
.
He's not with her when it happens.
They stopped – just for a moment, he's gone to retrieve some water from a nearby river, and he's readying his tools to boil it when he hears her.
Her scream is bloodcurdling, Robin abandons everything and just runs, runs towards her and she has fallen on the grass, her dagger in one hand and streaks of tears on her cheeks.
"There's a snake," she whispers. "Towards you. We need to kill it."
In another situation he'd be amazed by her control and by her ability to push away the pain until the threat is neutralized. He walks slowly now, because he sees it, and he must kill it to know the species and – fuck, if it's venomous, if she's doomed to die this horrible death –
"Robin, now!"
He is quicker than he thought he'd be as he kills the snake, and he chomps off its head and – all that's left are Regina's labored breaths and the wind between the trees.
"Well?" her voice is timid now, he sees her holding the bitten leg with care. "Am I going to…"
The question trails off, but Robin nears the snake and rolls it over. A breath of relief escapes him, he crouches down, and he says, "It's alright, it's just an Aesculapian snake. You're safe," he looks up to her, watches as a smile blossoms on her lips. "You're safe."
.
The atmosphere between them changes quickly after that.
She notices he's tense, now, wary, and she would like to tell him to calm down. He fusses over her, over her leg, and he sets down camp for the night, even though it's still the middle of the afternoon. But he's told her she can't ride, at least not until morning, and now she's watching him as he prepares some kind of mixture using flowers and herbs.
She could have made it herself, but it's helping to calm him down, and at least there's that.
"I'm fine," she tells him for the umpteenth time. "I really am, I promise."
"I was sent along with you to protect you," he says, the stubborn man. "I couldn't even do that."
"It wasn't your fault," she tries to say, but he shakes his head, stops with his mixtures and looks at her.
"It could have been a viper, and you'd be dead by now," he says, pained at the thought. "I already can't forgive myself for this, and… the thought of… of…"
She doesn't know what to say – his… devotion, is something she can't quite explain nor comprehend. She waits, stays still as he applies some sort of fomentation on her wound. "Now stay still for a bit, I'll make you some mint and chamomile tea, maybe some willow too? To help with inflammation, and…"
Regina takes his hand, stops him in his tracks. "Thank you," she says, earnestly, looking at him in the eyes, and he seems more grounded after that, he acts quickly but efficiently to give her the rest of his healing concoctions and to lift her up and seat her next to the tent.
.
After dinner, they talk.
Regina tells him of her childhood – and her mother, and of being chosen as a Vestal when she was six. He asks questions, and every now and then he can't stop himself from looking at her ankle, but she pays it no mind. She's whispering, as if she doesn't want to disturb the night, and the stars start to shine above them.
"I don't remember much about my life from…before." She rolls a blade of grass between her fingers. "Our duty is to protect the sacred fire of Vesta, goddess of the hearth. Being chosen as a daughter of the goddess saved me from my mother, and I cannot be more grateful… and I'll always send her my most thoughtful prayers. I don't take it lightly, Robin," she says, and how beautiful is the sound of his name between her lips.
"So you've never… you…" he feels himself blush, but she chuckles lightly.
"I kissed a couple of women," she says. "Vestals, like me. But I was never with a man, you know… I often wonder what it's like."
"It's different," he says. "Just… different, in a way. It's everything a woman is not and yet not completely unalike."
She glances at him, he can tell she has a question ready.
"Did you, um – you… like men, then?"
"I have tried many things in my life, milady," he tells her. "But yes, after I was freed… I decided that I was going to live my life at the fullest, and yes, that has involved laying with men every now and then. Experiences I've thoroughly enjoyed."
Regina laughs softly at that, and shakes her head. "I think I'd like to have your same freedom, one day."
Robin doesn't answer right away – he stares ahead, and thinks about how she most certainly isn't free, neither is he, and it… saddens him.
.
Their journey is almost at an end, and… Regina is sorry about it. She was getting used to this – traveling with him, it has become easy, they rapidly fell into a rhythm, but duty calls. He sees her to her destination – she'll be traveling back with the emperor's himself, and his party, they'll all accompany her to her sanctuary and then leave for the summer houses.
Their goodbye is not teary or long – rather, it is pervaded by something extraordinarily similar to longing. Longing for what could have been and wasn't, and Regina hugs him during one of the last private moments they had before she had to meet the emperor.
"Thank you," she says, her voice steady as she holds his hand and looks into his eyes. "I… I will miss you."
He nods, gravely, and tells her, "I will be thinking of you, milady."
She closes her eyes – just for a moment – when she opens them again, he's looking at her with a sad smile, squeezing her hand then leaving it.
"Goodbye, Robin," she whispers, and leaves, resisting the temptation of looking back. She doesn't want him to see her expression – moments away from crying, he doesn't deserve to know that, he was just doing his job.
.
He writes to her.
When he leaves for the war, he writes every night – lucky enough because he had the chance to learn how to read and write, but he never sends his letters. He keeps them under his cot, and they travel with him during the emperor's latest campaign, and he prays he will be blessed by the gods so he can go back to Rome and tell Regina the truth.
One day – they're coming back, stopping in the north of the pæninsula – she surprises him, and he receives a letter from her.
Dear Robin,
So many months have passed, and I'm not sure if you remember me, but I had to try. I hope the emperor's campaign is going well, I hope you're alright, and that the gods have protected you during this journey. I have been told the army is coming home. If you wish to do so, I would appreciate if you could come see me here, after settling back into the Roman life.
I think of you often.
Regina
He looks down at his cot – the pile of letters he wrote her are still there, never sent, because he didn't think she would care about a soldier like him. Even if this war has brought him surprising advantages, like a long-awaited promotion to centurion. And now, this war ending has made sure he's going to go home, and be assigned the land that awaits him as a roman veteran.
And he's going to see her.
He folds the letter – places it with the others for safekeeping, and wishes for time to go faster, so he can get back to the woman who has captured his heart – and whom he can't have.
.
She selects a new stola for his arrival. As the chief of the Vestals and oldest of the priestesses, it is her destiny to be the face of her order, so the senate is always generous with the money they send. But today her intent is purely self-regarding.
She gives orders – not to disturb her, for starters, because the centurion who's coming is an important guest and she has matters to discuss with him. Her acolytes don't protest, but she thinks she sees something akin to worry on Mal's face, when they leave her alone in the room.
I'll be careful, she thinks. Even if Mal thinks I'll do something stupid… I can control myself, even if I haven't seen him in over a year.
When Robin enters, she's not that sure anymore.
"Milady," he bows to her, in the appropriate greeting. She makes him rise right away, and rises her hand to his cheek.
"You're well," she says, almost surprised. "I wasn't… I am glad you're well."
"Thank you," he says. "You seem to be alright as well. How have these past few months treated you?"
She hesitates – motions for him to sit, offers him wine and figs. She notices, he winces slightly as he sits, so she asks – "Is your leg alright?"
"Not really, but I'll tell you why shortly," he grimaces, and shifts the injured leg to a more comfortable position. "Let's say I am glad I can finally retire."
"Well, we have that in common," she smiles. "I'll be free to leave the order, in about four months."
"About four… four months?" he raises his head, looks at her with a serious expression she doesn't recognize. She shifts on her seat, suddenly embarrassed.
"I thought you knew. My thirty years of service are almost over… As you know, Vestals are chosen from the age of six years old, but after thirty years…" she stops, looks down. "I'd be… well, independent. Free. I could marry whomever I want, if I choose so."
"I am told it is lucky, to marry an ex-vestal." Robin murmurs, and silence stretches between them, as if he's at a loss for words. He drinks some of his wine, staring into space. "I… I'm glad for you," he finally says. "I mean, it must be a little… disorienting."
"Oh yes," she chuckles lightly, because disorienting doesn't even begin to describe her feelings when she thinks about herself leaving. "But I know the order is in good hands, and I've spent the last ten years training the new Vestals. The fire will keep on burning, and I'll… I'll be left to find out what I am when I'm not a Vestal."
He nods, slowly, deep in thought, and Regina can't help to think that maybe he's not telling her everything.
.
He goes to see her that night.
He shouldn't – his actions could cost him everything, could cost her everything, but he goes anyway. He knows how to slither inside buildings and remain undetected, and he's relieved to see that the light in her room hasn't been put out yet.
He presses a hand on her mouth to stop her from screaming – a necessary evil, but she immediately understands that it's him, and when she turns he's met with a frowning, irate Regina.
"What – in the name of all the gods – are you doing here?"
She is whispering, and he knows they must be really silent, so he takes her hands in his and brings them up to his heart. "I'm sorry, but I had to see you without all those diplomatic charades."
Regina softens, at that, and motions for him to sit, joins him down. "What is it, Robin?"
"I need to confess something to you – I was going to keep it for myself, but today you told me you only have four months before… leaving the order." Her eyes are bright in the moonlight, and he takes a deep breath. "I have to tell you, before I lose my nerve… I fell in love with you, and I thought of you every single day when I was away."
He's met with silence.
She closes her eyes – a pained, sorrowful expression mars her features, and he's about to ask what's wrong, he's about to run away and try to forget his shameful… – she's forbidden –
She kisses him.
Takes him by the edges of his shirt and her lips meet his, and it's sublime, and it's like he has been asleep this whole time and now he's awake, seeing stars under his closed eyelids, and she leans away from him with a terrified expression in her eyes – until he kisses her back, this time really savoring it, his hand in her hair, until they have to breathe and the spell breaks.
He looks at her, feeling all the tension and the frazzled nerves in her hand squeezing his own.
"I love you too," she whispers, smiles at him, bright and beautiful like Venus herself.
He lifts one hand up to her cheek, brings a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I wasn't sure. I've never dared to hope…"
"Neither did I," she says. "But Robin, we… we can't be together yet." Her forehead falls against his, he feels her perfume enveloping him. "I wish we could, believe me. I wish we could be together like normal people, but…"
"Gods, I wish I could make love to you," he confesses, under his breath. "I thought of you every single day. Mostly, about seeing you again." She smiles sadly, at that.
"We can't. You know we can't… I… Vestals, we are supposed to be chaste, not to break the vow we made…"
"I know, darling. I would never – "
"You know what happens to vestals who break the goddess' law, Robin. They're buried alive. And their paramours are whipped to death… do you think I'd wish that destiny for us?" Her eyes are misty, he can feel her voice tremble. "I couldn't bear to see you suffer for me."
"Regina," he stops her, tips up her chin and looks at her in the eyes. "I'd never ask you to face that destiny for me, my love. Not when freedom is so close."
She nods slowly, her fingers intertwining with his. "Wait for me," she whispers. "Please."
.
Five months later
It's the first time she sees the festivals of Vestalia while not being a Vestal, but she couldn't be happier. She watches, as Mal and the others walk to join the emperor, amidst the heat of a splendid June day. She knows she could have stayed in the order – there's always this possibility for the women who choose to do so – but she is holding her almost-husband's hand now, and she wouldn't trade that for the world.
Not with all those memories flowing in her head.
He comes to see her, her last night as a high priestess. There's going to be a ceremony, tomorrow, and she's eager, but also filled of a bittersweet feeling.
"Are you nervous for tomorrow?" he asks, his thumb brushing her cheek.
"A little, yes," she murmurs. He is breaking all the rules, coming here at this time of the night, but Regina doesn't care anymore. "I am glad you came."
"A kiss for luck."
And she knows Mal is somewhere in the garden with them – but now, with mere hours between her and freedom, who could stop her from kissing him? Why would the gods have blessed her with meeting him otherwise?
Robin looks at her with the deep affection she's come to love so much, as they watch the fire of the goddess burn under the blue skies, as it will do for the months to come.
One day, he wrote to her. He confessed that staying away was becoming increasingly difficult, but it would be worth it in the end. And he wrote that… it was her, the Vestal who freed him from a life of slavery. She has cried, that night – because their resolution of not meeting for all the remaining months was starting to become a torture, and because the thought of having been his salvations pains her and gives her joy at the same time, for all the years they could have had together, all the years they could not have and they will get to receive if they just go through this last step.
.
"Hello, wife."
The smile on her face is so bright and wonderful, he falls for her all over again.
"Hello, husband."
"Come here, you." She falls into the bed and he surrounds her with his arms, pressing a kiss on her shoulder. "So how does it feel like?"
Regina shifts in his embrace, so she can face him. "It feels wonderful," she answers, "I just never thought I'd have this." There's emotion in her eyes, her hand up to his cheek. She strokes slowly, and he doesn't leave her gaze, not even for a moment. In the end, she leans in, her forehead against his, he closes his eyes as she whispers, "Make love to me, Robin."
He nods, humming against her skin, kisses her neck, her lips – "Are you certain, my love?"
"I am more than certain," she murmurs. "I've had all the time in the world to think about it."
"That you did," he agrees. "Well then, just… I don't want to hurt you, so if you're uncomfortable with anything – "
"Robin," she interrupts. "I'll tell you. Stop worrying so much and kiss me."
He obeys – because when you have a goddess in your arms you can only do that – and gently accompanies her down on the bed. They start undressing each other, slowly, he can't get enough of her hands on his skin and of her kisses, his hands tremble slightly, he reminds himself to be patient and do right with her. There'll be time to lead her into the joys of lovemaking, but for now, he just has to introduce her to this world that's been forbidden to her for a long time.
When she's lying down, and they're both as bare as the day they were born, he takes a moment to watch her – she's radiant, glowing, and he bends down and kisses her, his hand touching that sweet spot between her legs. She lets out a satisfied sound – and he knows, she told him that she's no stranger to this particular experience.
"Is this alright?" he asks, and Regina nods, eyes closed, her fists balling the sheets as he works his magic. She is wet, and it takes a surprisingly short time for him to push her dangerously close to that wonderful precipice.
"Oh gods, Robin – keep doing that," she says through gritted teeth, her hand on his, he'll never tire to see a woman come undone under his fingers. "Ghh – please, please, I'll – "
"Come for me, my darling," he whispers into her ear, and he helps her through it, basking in her revelry and blissful expression. Regina looks like she just saw the gods, and he sees her fall into that rupturing emotion with a sort of euphoria.
She slowly comes back to her senses, beaming.
"That was – absolutely magnificent," she whispers. "I need a minute."
"All the time you need, my darling," he says, peppers her skin with kisses as she breathes heavily, until she captures his lips with a searing kiss.
"Now make me yours, my love," she murmurs against his cheek. He looks into her eyes once again, but doesn't ask anything – rather, he slides a hand down, cups her sex and feels the wetness down in the middle, her slickness, and he knows she is ready.
Robin shifts her gently, and she spreads her legs, willing, he can almost feel her heartbeat quickening. His movements are slow, and precise, as he glides inside – she shudders, and he immediately stops, but she says, I'm alright. He observes as her expression turns into pleasure, and as she pleads him, More, please, Robin – he bends down to kiss her, and she becomes a more than willing, active participant. The sounds of their love fill his ears, until he mutters, I'm close.
Regina nods frantically, her nails digging paths into his shoulder, and he finally releases himself, finds her sweet spot and pleads, "Come with me, my darling."
She wails lowly, lost in her pleasure, and he collapses down, equally spent.
They both take a moment to breathe – her hands closes around his, and he turns his head to meets her gaze, her shining eyes. "Are you happy?"
"Oh, gods, yes," she answers. "Are… are you?"
"Regina," he says, his voice scratched but solemn. "You are everything I never knew I needed. I love you so much, my darling."
She smiles at that, her eyes glassy, and rolls against him to kiss his neck. "Thank you for waiting for me," she whispers.
They lie there in the darkness, the night still fresh and so quiet, their heartbeats and breaths the only sounds he can hear. And they'll have time for everything else – for now, they're content with this little corner of tranquility, of contentment, and of the relief of finally having found their soulmate.
