He picked her up at five as expected, jeans and a t-shirt, sneakers and a smile. He didn't push, happy to be there even in silence if he got to be there with her. He was better in her presence – she didn't have to say anything. They ordered drinks and food, and finally it was Kensi who started the conversation.

"You were at my place." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, but said with no frustration.

"Well, you did drop out of sight unexpectedly. Figured the least I could do was take out the trash and make sure you'd actually put your food away so you didn't come home to a reeking bug infested mess."

"And the dishes?"

"Falls into the bug infestation. You can't just leave dishes in the sink for months, Princess."

"And the laundry?"

"Felt like the right thing to do – to make sure your favorite PJs were ready for you return."

"And my lingerie?"

"Hand washed as directed by the care tag. But I kept my eyes closed, I promise. Well, maybe I peeked, a little. That teal set is pretty spectacular."

"Well, thank you." It wasn't always easy for her – gracious wasn't her natural state. She was constantly on guard and suspicious of kindness. It actually took effort for her convey thanks.

"Well, you're welcome," he responded as a smile spread across his face. He fought that urge to make another joke about her lingerie. The teal thing was really dream inducing, but he dropped it, happy to call a thank you a win.

Kensi made the most amazing moan on her first bite of her noodle favorites, and they settled into mostly silence while they ate. He watched her though. She wasn't totally there with him, Deeks could tell. Her mind would drift to somewhere, south of the border, he figured, and then something would bring her back to table.

He wasn't offended or disappointed. He actually considered himself lucky he got her to come out with him at all. He'd been so worried about her. Now he knew she was eating and that she was back in her own apartment - that was two big things off his worry list. She wasn't on edge or nervous in the crowd, not looking over her shoulder, but she was fighting a sadness that she was trying to push away.

He wondered if talking would help or hurt, or if she would even be willing or ready. Still, he wanted to open the door in case that was what she needed.

"I watched the debrief," he said casually.

It stopped her mid-bite and she averted her eyes while she figured out what to say. Another bite. Then a sip of her drink. Then another sip.

"I haven't been under like that, that deep and solo for that amount of time. I made a lot of mistakes."

Deeks told her it didn't sound that way to him, that it sounded like she's been great.

"I think sometimes I let a little too much Kensi come through. Some people go so deep that they lose themselves in a cover. That wasn't me. It got harder and harder the longer it went on, not easier."

She was right. The longer he was under the easier it got. He lost himself in a cover like Max. "It's not your comfort zone. No shame in that. Maybe makes it more impressive that you pulled it off so well."

Kensi laughed a quick sarcastic laugh. She wasn't buying it.

"OK, tell me one thing you think you handled badly," he challenged her, hoping to get her to see it from his perspective.

"The kids," she said. Then she told him about the three children. How accepting and curious they were. How hard it was to keep them at arm's length. How she hated lying to them.

Deeks understood completely. "Kids are the worst," he offered, but then a look from Kensi made him try to explain. "I mean, kids are the absolute best, but they are totally the worst, right? They are like little authenticity detectors in your face all the time. No personal space, no filter. And they know if you aren't being genuine, so you have to show some of your heart or they know you are a phony, and if they figure it out, their parents will figure it out." He was rambling and he knew it, but he completely understood. Kensi regretted becoming entangled in the kids' lives and he got that.

But then they fell back into silence. They ordered another round of drinks and Kensi ordered a dessert and Deeks tried to come up with another conversation started.

"So you've finally been shot like the rest of us." It sounded flatter out loud than it did in his head. The second it left his mouth he regretted it, but as it turned out there was no need because when she looked at him she had a tiny smile.

"You bet your ass. No more picking on the getting-shot-virgin. That's not really a thing, but you know what I mean."

"So where?"

"The Cardenas estate."

He laughed. "No, where on your body, Princess."

"Left side, below my ribs." Her hands subconsciously went to the spot. "My bikini days are done."

"Wet t-shirt contests are still fine, though, right?"

"In your dreams."

"I think you should still wear bikinis and those little work out tops. What could contribute more to your bad ass legend than a .45 caliber through and through that you had surgery for in a cartel leader's basement? Seriously, do you not know how epic what you just pulled off was?"

Her expression told him she might have a little idea, but then as quickly as she allowed herself to believe it, it was gone again. "I made it all the way back here and then almost bought it in the warehouse two minutes from being free and clear."

Deeks mind flashed back to the camera footage of the deal going south. Antonio giving her a gun. The discussion. The first bullets. The terrorist who squared up on her and Antonio trade his life for hers. Then he realized he'd never delivered Antonio's message. He knew it would change the mood, but wondered if maybe she needed to hear it – if it isn't connected to how she feels.

"I was with Antonio when he died. He asked me to tell you that the debt was paid." She looked right in his eyes. Hers got glassy, but tears never fell. She blinked them away and said nothing, but he'd already opened the Pandora's Box, so he charged ahead. "What debt did he owe you, Kensi?"

She told him. She described the night Tina attacked the compound, hearing Elena scream and then hearing the children cry out. She justified needing to protect them, as if feeling that need wasn't innate in all humans. Well, maybe not all. She recounted taking out the first two men before deSoto shot her and hearing the children calling her name as she lost consciousness.

When Kensi came to in the made shift medical room the brothers were there with her. Tejo had just come to relieve Tony, and between those two and Elena there had been someone with her the whole time. The children had even asked to come and had made cards when they were told no. Tony knew that she could've hidden or run but that she didn't. She ran into the danger to save his children and it almost cost her her life.

Tony said he was in her debt.

They treated her like family while she was at the estate, and even from the very beginning she was there to bring them down. She watched Tony say goodbye to those kids and tell them he would be back in a few weeks and she knew he wasn't coming back – she thought he'd be in handcuffs. She hugged the children as if she wasn't planning to take their father away. And Tony died believing he'd saved Ally, never realizing that Ally never existed.

"Well, I don't care why de did it. I'm just glad you're safe." He lied. He reached over and put his hand on hers knowing full well he cared why Tony did it. He felt compelled to know why the head of a cartel had traded his own life for Kensi's. He wished he didn't care – that he had enough control of his feelings for her to not want to know. But now, knowing more about what her last two months had been like, he understood how hard it must have been not just on her body, but her mind.

"I can't even imagine, Kens. Really. You lived with them, ate with them. They took you in as family. I don't know how you stayed on track. I can't imagine a harder environment to do deep cover – not emotionally, anyway. It makes what you did even more impressive."

"I don't think I'm getting any medals or Oscars for my Mexico performance."

"Yeah, well you did also suffer a head injury, so maybe you've forgotten that I am eminently qualified to judge others. Also that you find that really endearing about me."

"I find the judginess endearing?"

"You find many, many things about me endearing, Kensilina. Just wait. It will all come back to you."

They finished eating and took a walk down to the water. Kensi was maxed out on talking and Deeks was happy to walk close and keep an eye on her while she processed. They sat on some rocks near the water and watched the moon rise to dance on the waves. His rock was a little higher and little behind her, and she leaned back until she was against him. He arranged himself to make it possible for her back to come to rest against his chest.

He gathered her hair and moved it to the side so stop it from tickling his face in the slight breeze. He draped one arm over her. It landed just below her neck, and she let her fingertips dance on his forearm as she tried equal parts to process her thoughts and clear her mind, not being completely successful at either.

Eventually she yawned and he took that as his cue. "Let's get you home, Princess."

He pulled up at her place and went to get out of the car but she stopped him, assuring her partner she could make it the fifty feet.

"Wanna do something loud tomorrow night?" she asked right before she closed the door to his truck.

"Like watching TV with the volume up loud or a Clippers game loud, or a firing range loud?" he asked with a smile.

"Like dancing. I want to go do a club and just let the music drown out my own thoughts and dance and have a few drinks."

"Ooh. I could get behind that plan. Want to meet up?"

"No. I mean yes, but not meet up like there's a chance we'll run into each other. More like, would you like to take me out to a club tomorrow night."

"Oh. OH," Deeks said grasping the subtle distinction in what she was asking. It put that irresistible smile on his face and maybe a little smug in his eyes. "Kensi, can I take you out tomorrow night?" She smiled that smile – the one he thought was perfect. The one that made him think that she was really going to be ok.

"Yeah, that sounds great. I'd like that"