He stood at the door like a nervous teenager as he knocked. He picked a high end club, and dressed accordingly, suit pants and a button down. One rose in his hand. As she opened the door he meant to present it to her, but looking at her he became incapable of thought or speech. Kensi was wearing a dress that stopped him in his tracks, and a satisfied smile crossed her face when she saw his reaction.
"Well hello to you, too" she finally said.
"You are gorgeous," he offered, and reached down and took one hand, bringing it to his lips and letting them tickle the back of her hand with the gentlest kiss. "Are you ready?"
She nodded and followed him to her car. They took the Audi but she tossed him the keys. They made their way to the club, moving to the front of the line with his connections and getting a table in the VIP section to use as a base of operations. Kensi, however, hardly wanted to sit all night. Looking back he had to admit that she'd described what she wanted perfectly, so he shouldn't have been surprised. She wanted loud music and alcohol to take any thoughts out of her head but what she was feeling in that moment.
She danced. Men paid her lots of attention and she never noticed them. All she wanted was the beat, mojitos, and Deeks. She buried herself in it. She was carefree. She laughed and put her hands on him, pulling him close and letting their bodies come together. He fought to keep it light hearted – she was an easy woman to get lost in.
At the bar at one point she made up a game where they watched a woman at the end of the bar and guessed which guys had a chance and who she would finally dance with. Deeks guessed right, and she giggled and handed over the money for the bet. She was uncomplicated and happy.
He watched as her combination of tired and tipsy started to slow her down, and suggested they head home. It wasn't long until they were back at her door. She didn't intent to have him come in – didn't trust herself to take it slow. She unlocked the door and turned, putting her back against it.
He leaned in to kiss her and he felt her hand come up flat against his chest. The second his mind registered the resistance he froze. Deep in unchartered territory with this woman he felt so much for, he drew his gaze from her lips to her eyes. He hoped to draw some insight from her expression, but he couldn't name the emotion he saw in her. It broke his heart, though, the look.
"I just need you to know," she started hesitantly, "in Mexico, with Tejo, I didn't…"
But he reached up with gentle, clumsy fingers and stilled her lips.
"You don't have to answer to anyone for what happened. No one gets to judge what you did or didn't do to save your life, save your cover, or save your sanity." But he would've been lying if he said that hearing her say she didn't wasn't a comfort to his own state of mind.
"But I ….,"
"The only thing you owed to the people who love you was doing anything that was in your power to come home to us. You did that, Kensi. You came back to us. You came back to me. That's all I need to know."
She looked in his eyes and he felt her uncertainty. Not in him, but in herself. It confounded him that she could be so good at what she did and yet so filled with self-doubt. Maybe that's how she got as good as she was – to constantly convince herself that she could do better. It translated into a world class agent who was bold with the bad guys but constantly critical of herself in private. The downside of perfectionism.
He brought his lips right to her ear so their heads where side to side. He couldn't see her face, and thought maybe that small charade of privacy would make it easier for her to hear the truth he was about to tell her.
"You are amazing, Kensilina. Bad ass and beautiful and fascinating and sexy with amazing instincts, killer aim, and mad skills. You did good. You need to let yourself believe it. You did good."
He heard her breath hitch just a little, becoming unsteady, and when she dropped her chin to her chest he took his hand and brought it to the far side of her face and gently leaned her into him. He gave her a moment, just waiting for her body to tell him what she needed.
She composed herself, clearly determined to maintain her dignity and not begin to cry her eyes out on her front porch. She reached up and took the hand holding her to him. Intertwining her fingers with his, she moved his hand away and then maneuvered him in front of her. Never releasing his hand she went up on her toes and brought her lips to his. Gentle. Chaste. Intense. Filled with promise and gratitude for his acceptance and his concern.
He put his forehead to hers. He wanted to devour her right there, but he read her emotion and her needs. It took him a moment to downshift into the same gear. His breath was almost shaky and he exhaled through how much he wanted to say and do to her at that moment knowing that it wasn't the time or place. And when he had himself completely under control and trusted himself to return the tenderness of her offering, he kissed her back.
"I had a really good time tonight," she told him. "Thank you."
"Goodnight, baby," he whispered.
She gave him one more kiss, said her own goodnight, and slid inside the door.
