Disclaimer: SJM owns it all, you know it.
A/N: So, this chapter is mostly kind of filler. In a sense. But there's fluff, so what the hell, right? Enjoy!
Chapter Twelve
Gwyn tossed and turned in her bed up at the House of Wind. She'd been woken by nightmares once again. This time they had found Azriel in that cell, but they had been too late. That commander had sawed off his wings and then let Az bleed to death from that chain suspending him from the ceiling. They had found him covered in his own blood, dead. She'd awoken with a start and now she couldn't get back to sleep.
She kept reassuring herself that they had found him, he was safe, but nothing was helping. Eventually, she gave up. Only one thing would help her at this point. She got out of bed and put on her robe. Thankfully, Nesta and Cassian were in a completely different hallway now, so she didn't have to worry about being seen as she entered the empty hallway and walked to Az's door, silently opening it.
He was still recovering at the River House, so his room here was empty. It still smelled like him though. That's exactly what she needed. She needed her senses to be wrapped up in his scent in order to relax. She didn't know if it had anything to do with the mating bond and her instincts to protect him, or just their newfound relationship and not being able to spend much time with him.
She took off her robe and tossed it onto the settee at the foot of his bed before walking around and climbing in. His sheets still smelled like him even after a month of him being gone. It was almost as if the House had left everything exactly the same since he'd left. She snuggled down into his blankets and smiled to herself. Her eyes closed and she took in a deep breath, inhaling his scent, allowing it to calm her.
She pretended the scent meant that he was in the room with her and not on the other side of the city. That's exactly how she finally drifted off to sleep, thinking of her mate and imagining herself tucked into his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
Gwyn slept in Azriel's room for the next two weeks. She found that it brought her a sense of peace that she just couldn't find in her own rooms. He'd still been recovering down at the River House, working on his physical therapy, so he hadn't been able to come back up to the House yet. Feyre had told her in privacy that he'd been working himself hard in therapy to get his wings working properly again. They were both worried he was overdoing it, but they knew he wouldn't listen to anyone.
She'd only seen him a couple of times for dinner since she'd taken her new roles in the Inner Circle two weeks ago. Rhys had kept her pretty busy on top of her training with the Valkyries. She'd been pushing herself harder in training, trying to push herself further than before so that she could help Az with his missions, guard his back. She'd be damned if she'd let him get captured again.
She made her way down to the dining room dressed in her leathers and found Nesta and Cassian already digging into their breakfast. Nesta looked up as she entered and smiled. "Hey, do you have any plans after training?"
Gwyn sat down at the table, smiling thankfully when her breakfast immediately appeared in front of her. "I'm supposed to do some things for Rhys, why?"
Nesta shrugged. "We haven't spent much time together lately. I don't even remember the last time we had a girl's night. I just miss you, is all. Mor invited everyone out to Rita's in a few days, but you don't have to go if it'll make you uncomfortable."
Gwyn shifted in her chair. "Let me think about it. Who all will be going?"
Nesta lifted her fork in the air, thinking. "Cassian and I will be there, Mor is bringing a date. She said she wanted to reveal some big mystery or something, I don't know. So Rhys and Feyre are going. I have no clue about Amren. I highly doubt Elain would go. I don't think she's ever been to Rita's. And if you're subtly asking if a certain dark and mysterious Shadowsinger will be there, if you're there, he will be there. Guaranteed."
She rolled her eyes as Cass snorted. "That's the truth. You have my brother wrapped around your finger, Berdara."
Gwyn pursed her lips, glaring at him. "That is not true. He is not wrapped around my finger. We just care about each other and enjoy spending time together."
Nesta rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Gwyn. Whatever you're doing to that male, it's working. He's head over heels for you. Another reason we need to have a girl's night soon. I, among the rest of us females, need to know more details and since you're busy either training yourself to death or working with Rhys, we never have time to talk anymore."
Gwyn felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She knew she needed to make some time for Nesta and the others soon. She just had so many things she needed to accomplish. She nodded and gave her a small smile, "Soon. I just need everything to die down a little."
Nesta nodded, continuing to watch her as she speared a piece of fruit with her fork. "I'll hold you to that, Gwyn. You're going to burn yourself out at the rate you're going. Rhys will understand if you need a night off. He's not a monster."
Cass chuckled, keeping his head down. "I never thought I'd hear those words come out of your mouth."
Nesta shot him a glare, but otherwise ignored him. "Anyways, just think on it, Gwyn. Talk to Azriel. He'll tell you it's a good idea. You need to let your hair down every once in a while."
Gwyn nodded. "I don't know the next time I'll get to see Az, but I'm sure you're right."
Nesta's brow furrowed. "When will he be done with physical therapy?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. We haven't gotten much time together since he's been back. I spoke with Feyre about it though and she said he's been pushing himself really hard. She was worried he might be overdoing it in therapy, so I don't know. I just hope he doesn't cause himself more harm than good."
Cass had looked up at her as she'd talked about his recovery and was watching her carefully. She bit her lip and looked down at her bowl of oatmeal. They finished their breakfast in silence and she stood. "I'm going to go start setting up for training. I'll meet you two up there."
She missed the look Nesta threw Cass as she walked out, making her way to the training ring. When she got there, she pulled the mats out for the priestesses and arranged the weapons they'd be using that day. She made sure everything was finished being set up before she sat down on one of the mats and started going through her breathing exercises. She liked coming up here early and going through her stretching and breathing exercises on her own. Then she could help with the others.
She was just finishing up with her routine when she heard someone walking towards her. She turned her head to see Nesta, also in her leathers now, coming to join her on the mat. "Where's Cass?"
"He had something he needed to deal with real quick. He said he'd only be a few minutes late and to go ahead and start without him."
Gwyn nodded, coming out of her last stretch. "Okay. They should be here in a couple of minutes."
Nesta nodded her agreement as she moved into her routine. It was only a moment later before Emerie walked through the doors. Gwyn looked up and smiled. "Em! Who brought you in?"
Gwyn could have sworn there was a light blush on her cheeks. "Oh, um, Mor did. Az can't fly and we didn't want to bother Rhys, so…she'll take me back later."
Nesta lifted a brow, switching stretches. "Why not ask Cassian? He never has a problem coming to get you. Or taking you home."
She shrugged, sitting on the mats next to her friends. "I didn't want to bother him. It's much longer for him anyway. I didn't want to keep your mate away from you for too long. Speaking of mates! Please, Gwyn, I am dying to hear the tiniest of details about this newest development! You're like a clam!"
Gwyn rolled her eyes, leaning back on her elbows. "What is there to tell? The bond snapped into place for us after he woke up."
Emerie and Nesta just stared at her for a solid thirty seconds waiting for more before bursting together. "That's it?!"
Em shook her head. "No, we need more than that, girl. There had to be some kind of trigger. What were you two doing when it just snapped into place? And what are you going to do about it? Are you going to accept it?"
Gwyn chuckled, biting her lip. "Well…when it happened, we were laying in his bed…" Their eyes were wide as saucers at the admission. Nesta raised a hand to interrupt her. "I'm sorry. You were laying in his bed. With him?! How did we go from the two of you not admitting your feelings to you two lying in bed together?!"
Gwyn was about to answer, but right then the priestesses chose to walk through the door. Emerie shook her head. "Oh no, you're not getting out of answering that easily. You might be saved from answering right this moment, but we are definitely getting those answers soon. If we have to go down those blasted stairs and walk ourselves to the River House and question the Spymaster himself, we will. As it is, we're having a girl's night. Soon. Uninterrupted Gwyn time where you can tell us all the juicy little details that you're obviously not telling us now."
The blush on Gwyn's face gave her away. They shook their heads at her silent admission of guilt as she stood to greet the priestesses. She walked over to them and smiled, instructing them to take their usual places on the mats and go through their stretches. Once Emerie and Nesta were done with their own, they made their way over and helped Gwyn in correcting positions when needed, instructing when to move on to the next stretch.
Once that was done, they got them separated into their different groups for the day and started working on the techniques they'd been currently working on. Some were in hand to hand, some were archery, some were simply learning how to move their bodies properly still. Gwyn stayed with those who were newer, still learning their movements. Her calming voice seemed to help steady them. Nesta took the ones who were working on archery and Em took the rest for hand to hand. All in all, they made a good team she thought.
They were halfway into their lesson when Cass walked through the door. He nodded towards Gwyn, giving her a smile, before moving towards Nesta. Gwyn looked back at the priestesses and smiled. "Good! Why don't you all take a two minute break and grab some water? You deserve it. You need to stay hydrated. Slow sips, please!"
Gwyn turned from them and watched the other groups for a moment, noting their progress. She was just about to look back and check on her group when she noticed Em's attention in her direction. She had a goofy grin on her face. When Gwyn met her stare, she raised a brow. Em only nodded her head in the direction behind her. She noticed Nesta's attention now as well.
Confused, she turned and looked behind her. There, standing just in front of the doors, was Azriel. Her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't stop her immediate reaction as she ran to him and threw her arms around his neck, holding him tightly to her. Instantly, his arms were around her. "Az, what are you doing here? How did you get here?"
She pulled back just enough to see his face. He smiled down at her, his eyes crinkling in happiness. "Well, I came to see you, of course. And to see how training was going. I haven't been in quite some time. And…I flew."
Her eyes widened. "You…you're healed? Are you okay?"
Az chuckled, nodding his head. "I'm healed. I still have a couple of appointments left with Madja just to make sure everything heals properly and doesn't cause any problems, but other than that…I'm fine. She gave me the approval this morning that I can fly again, just don't overdo it for now. So, I wanted to come see you."
Gwyn brought her hands up to rest on his cheeks. "I missed you so much, Az. I know it's only been a couple of weeks and I've seen you a couple of times in that timeframe, but…all of this is so new between us. I just…I don't know."
He nodded, leaning down and pressing his forehead against hers. "I know, sweetheart. I feel the same way. Cass didn't even need to come get me. I already planned on coming up here after my appointment."
Gwyn pulled back from him, her brow furrowed. "Cass came to get you? Why?"
Az nodded. "He told me that you had spoken with Feyre and were worried about me. He said…a few other things along those lines. He also made me aware that you've been pushing yourself pretty hard lately. Gwyn, what's going on?"
She shook her head, glancing behind her before returning her attention on him. "Can we not have this conversation right now? We're right in the middle of training. I really need to get back to them."
"Actually, I can take over, Gwyn. Go, take some time for yourself for once. Don't make me turn it into an order."
She spun around in Az's arms and found Cass and her sisters standing there. Em smiled. "You have been working pretty hard lately. You deserve a break. There's three of us here, we can handle the groups for today."
Nesta stepped forward and rested a hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "Go, Gwyn. Don't fight it. We're all just trying to make sure you don't burn yourself out. And please, don't take it out on, Az. If you need to blame someone, blame Cassian. He can take it." Cass chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest, shrugging. "Also, think on the girl's night. We all need one, you included. And let me know about Rita's."
She looked up at Azriel. "You take care of her, Shadowsinger. I know where you sleep."
Az gave her a smile, wrapping an arm around Gwyn's shoulders. "You don't have anything to worry about there, Nesta. I've learned my lesson."
Nesta nodded. "I know. I just needed to say it."
Gwyn sighed, leaning back into Az's touch. "Fine, I'll go. You all are a bunch of busybodies…but I appreciate your concern, I do."
Em and Nesta smiled at her as Az lead her back through the open doorway and into the House. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Where would you like to go?"
"Can we just go up to the balcony? It's a beautiful day today. I don't really want to be inside."
He nodded, holding her close as they walked in a comfortable silence. Once they arrived on the balcony, Gwyn smiled over at the two lounge chairs they had sat in when they had sung that song together. She pulled him towards them. He sat down in the chair, releasing his hold on her so that she could sit in the other chair, but she surprised him. She sat down on the same chair with him, rolling so that she was curled into his side as he wrapped an arm around her. She was thankful they were big enough for the two of them because she didn't really want to sit in her own chair. All she wanted was to be close to him.
Which, in a way, she thought was strange. Given everything she'd been through she thought her body would be a little more resistant to being near a male this soon. She'd been defying everything she thought was possible for herself. It wasn't that long ago that she thought she would never leave that library. Even after she started training, she never thought she'd find herself in this kind of situation. If she were being honest with herself, she hadn't let herself imagine she would ever get this far with a male, never let herself hope that she might get this far in healing from her past. But here she was, with this extraordinary male who had defied all odds and brought her further in her recovery than she ever would have dreamed possible.
He turned to her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "So, we're alone now. We have plenty of time. Talk to me, Gwyn. What's going on?"
She sighed, nestling down further against his chest. "I just…I feel like ever since Rhys gave me these new titles that I have to work harder than ever to prove that I deserve them. I feel like I need to prove that I'm capable of being on your team and that I really am good at researching just about anything. I just feel…like there's a lot that I need to accomplish right now. I don't want to disappoint anyone."
Azriel nodded absently, thinking over her words. He started rubbings circles into her side with his thumb. "Do you want my opinion?"
Gwyn nodded. "Of course I do. I always do."
It took him a minute to gather his words. "Rhys gave you this position for a reason. He never does anything without a reason, ever. He's always been like that his entire life. So, he obviously already sees your potential, your skill. I don't think you need to prove yourself to anyone. We all see how hard you already work before you started pushing yourself harder. You've come…so far, since I met you. You're not the same female. You've grown and adapted and overcome so much. We all know that you are brilliant with books and researching. If you weren't, Merrill would have released you ages ago. As for being capable of being on my team, why do you think you need to prove yourself for that? You're a Valkyrie. You saved my life. There's nothing to prove."
She had tears in her eyes at his words. "Because it wasn't just me who was there. If Cas and Rhys hadn't been there, I honestly don't know how things would have went. I haven't been training nearly as long as you three. I barely have any training compared to you. Rhys said he wants us to be a team."
Az nodded, placing his other hand on her arm. "We are a team, you and I. You can't look back at what happened in that cell and try to think of all the what if's. It'll drive you mad, believe me. But…I get the feeling there's something you're not saying."
She shook her head. "It's not important."
He reached down and lifted her chin so that her head was tilted in a way that she could look up at him. "Hey, anything you're thinking and feeling, all of that is important to me. I want to know."
She bit the inside of her lip as a tear escaped, making its way slowly down her face. He reached up and wiped it away with his thumb.
"How can we be a team if I don't know if I…if I am capable of having your back? How can I be your mate and not be able to protect you? If we're out on a mission and something happens and it's because I'm not strong enough of a warrior to be out there with you…if you get hurt because of me…I would never be able to live with myself. That is why I've been pushing myself in training. It was my fault you got captured in the first place, I know it was. I can't…Az, I can't let anything like that happen to you again. I just can't. All of my instincts are screaming at me to protect you, but…how can I do that when I barely made it through the Blood Rite?"
He frowned, staring into her eyes for a long minute, gathering his words. She could tell he was going over everything she'd said to him. Finally, he opened his mouth. "Gwyn, let me start by saying that what happened to me was not your fault, in any way. I was careless and let myself get sloppy. That's what lead to my capture, not you. It is not your sole job to protect me, Gwyn. I'm over 500-years-old. I've been protecting myself for a very long time. I understand that the bond makes your instincts sharper, makes it so that if your mate is in danger, there's nothing you won't do to protect them, but I'll be okay. We are a team. That means we help each other. I'll help you train and you'll become an even better warrior than you already are. And when we do eventually go out on missions together, it'll only be when I know that you're ready. Because I feel the same way. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Bond accepted or not, you are my mate. Even putting that aside, I care for you deeply. You're not going out on missions until we both decide that you're ready. We're going to take our time and train you properly. I will be okay on missions until you are trained. I've already spoken with Rhys and told him I want to take things a little easy for a while and he agreed. It seems a month of torture gets you what you ask for around here."
He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a little. She gave him a small smile, rolling her eyes. "That's not funny, you know. We were all beside ourselves with worry."
He nodded, looking away. "I know. And I do apologize for that. I should never have let that happen."
Gwyn rubbed her hand along his chest. "So, there is something I've been meaning to ask you about…I just never knew how to bring it up."
Az nodded for her to continue, still staring out into the city.
"When we were coming to rescue you, Rhys was unlocking the door. It was giving him a hard time, so it took him a minute to do it. While he was doing it…we overheard some of the conversation from inside the cell…"
She felt Az tense. "What all did you hear?"
She kept her eyes on her chest as she worked patterns into his shirt with her finger. "I heard him threaten me. I heard all the things he…wanted to do…and then I heard how angry you got."
"That doesn't seem like a question."
She bit her lip, gathering her courage. "That didn't seem like the first time I had been brought up. What else did he say?"
Az was quiet for a long time, so long she didn't think he was going to answer her. She gave him the space he needed knowing that he would give it to her. Finally, he took a shaky breath. "Gwyn, I don't think you want to know what that monster said."
She finally looked up at him, frowning. "Was it really that bad?"
He closed his eyes and leaned into her. "He's lucky he's already dead. Otherwise, I would hunt him down and take my time with him for saying those things about you."
His hands had started to shake a little at the memory of being back in that cell. She glanced down at them, noticing the tremor. She wrapped one hand in his and looked up into his face. "Let's forget about that cell. If you ever need to talk about it, I'll be here, but we can put it behind us. We have a lot of things to be happy for right now."
He took a deep breath to calm himself before he looked down at her worried face. He gave her a small smile. "I agree. Let's just move past it. I do have one suggestion."
She snuggled back into his chest, looking out over the city. "And what's your suggestion, Shadowsinger?"
"I would like to spend the rest of the day with you, if you don't mind, but tonight…tonight you have other plans."
She looked up at him. "Other plans?"
Azriel nodded, smiling to himself. "You're having a girl's night tonight. I already set it up with Cass. And I sent word to Rhys to arrange it with Feyre and Mor. You need the break and you need to spend quality time with your friends. They all miss you."
She looked up at him, her eyes lining with tears she refused to shed. "How did I get so lucky to be mated to you? You're so thoughtful."
He chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of her head before resting his cheek there. "I don't know, but I'm sure glad you did. I couldn't imagine anyone more perfect for myself than you."
That's how they spent the rest of their day: lounging together on the balcony, eating the food the House had conjured up, laughing and talking for hours. They were both just relishing in finally getting to spend one-on-one time together without being interrupted and without having to dance around their feelings for each other. It was the perfect day.
They parted ways in front of her room as he left her to change out of her leathers into something more comfortable for girl's night. He wrapped his arms around her, leaned down, and pressed his lips softly against hers in a sweet kiss. When he broke away, she had the biggest smile on her face as she watched him walk down the hallway to find Cass. Finally, she entered her bedroom to get herself ready for tonight, a smile never leaving her face.
A/N: Thoughts? Girl's night chapter is next, of course. I will say that much. Anywho, I hope you're enjoying the story so far! Please review! Until next time! :)
