Chapter 10: Trying To Forget
Sam sat and stared at the people around her. Her mind was in complete turmoil. If she didn't focus on the present with complete attention to detail, she would find herself wandering back to Jack. And not just their easy working relationship. No, life couldn't be that easy. No, nothing less than full Technicolor images of Jack naked in her arms. She could feel the warmth of his skin, taste it on her tongue, smell his musky scent. So instead, she stared at the people in this San Diego mall and hoped that they would keep her interest long enough to push back the memories.
All these people were normal people doing normal things. At home, Sam could watch people for hours as they went through their routines. Not a single one of them was worrying about alien invasion or attack. That boy over there was more worried about how well his date was going. And that girl was concerned that her little sister didn't eat too much ice cream before dinner. Just normal everyday stuff. And Sam would watch normal people doing normal things and try to remember what 'normal' felt like.
And then Sam watched as the boy reached over and cupped his date's face. Sam was struck with an image from Aphrodite's Temple. Jack had caressed her face before giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead before settling down to rest as the priestess had directed them. That action was one of many small gestures that Sam remembered.
Sam could move on if all they had shared was sex. But the small kisses, the gentle caresses, the way Jack nuzzled her neck in his sleep… she felt that these gestures were far more intimate than any form of sex, drug induced or not. And she craved that kind of intimacy more than anything else in the whole world… the whole universe.
Sam let out a tired sigh as she once more pushed the memories back.
"So, are you going to talk about it or do I have to drag out the tequila?" a concerned voice asked next to her.
Sam turned to her sister-in-law, Jenn, and shook her head sadly, "Nothing to tell really." Sam took the coffee that Jenn offered and sipped the hot liquid cautiously.
Jenn laughed, "Right. You fly in with your dad, moping around like someone just killed your cat, and you don't have a story to tell. You have 'broken heart' written all over your face. Why do you think I insisted on just us doing the whole shopping thing?"
"I thought it was because you insisted on seeing the new spring line of shoes?" Sam chided.
"Please, like Mark could tolerate me buying 'yet more' shoes. Nope. This is a girl's night out. So, you could spill now or we could go get good and drunk and then you could spill. Either way, you are going to tell me who, what, when, and where. So what'll it be?" Jenn asked innocently.
"I don't think so, Jenn. Not that I don't appreciate the effort, but I can't... really."
"Your love life is not a government secret... At least, it wasn't the last time we talked, so come on. You have been so miserable. Let me help," Jenn pleaded.
Sam laughed, "Sorry, Jenn. But my lack of a love life isn't a secret, government or otherwise."
"Ooh. Pining away for a secret love?... It's not Matthew McConaughey is it? 'Cause I heard he was a bit of a jerk," Jenn continued as she watched Sam closely.
"No. Definitely not," Sam replied, with a smile.
"Good...So who is it?" Jenn asked.
"Jenn..." Sam whined in warning.
"At least describe him. I mean, come on. I'm a stay-at-home mom with nothing to gossip about. I clean up toys and sanitize the bathroom for fun. I need more." Jenn gave her a wry grin, "I don't need names, but you have to at least describe the man for me. I need to get a handle on just who the 'Amazing Samantha Carter' finds so irresistible."
"Oh God, Jenn! Not you too… Mark was just trying to set me up with some friend of his." Sam turned a pleading look at her sister-in-law, "Please tell me that you aren't trying to fix me up… Please…"
"No… though Pete is a nice enough guy… if you like that type. But no, I just want to know your 'type'," Jenn continued.
"My type… Hum… tall, dark, and handsome, good enough for you?" Sam offered.
Jenn considered the answer as she sipped her coffee, "It's a start. How tall? How dark? And how handsome?"
Sam smiled. She was beginning to enjoy the interrogation, "Taller than me, darker than me, and roguishly handsome."
"Good grief, Sam. Damn near everyone is darker than you… hum, roguish… as in just a hint of danger?" Jenn asked slyly.
"Oh no, as in 'he could kill you in any one of a hundred ways' dangerous. Good with his hands dangerous…" Sam continued, remembering just how good with his hands Jack could be. He would do this one thing with his fingers that could make her scream for mercy… in a good way.
Jenn watched Sam as she watched other people, aware that Sam was once more lost in her thoughts. The young couple had moved on and been replaced with a small family. As she watched the couple with the baby in a stroller, Jenn's thoughts turned to her own children and how much of Mark's gentle nature she adored. Roguish and dangerous could be fun, but Jenn didn't think she would go down that path now, not with the kids in tow.
"So, not exactly the kind of guy you'd bring home to dad?" Jenn asked after a few minutes.
"What?" Sam asked, pulling herself back from her memories.
"Not the kind of guy that dad would approve of?" Jenn repeated.
"Actually, I think Dad likes him," Sam said absently. Sam smiled, "Dad actually lets him get away with calling him 'Dad.' Lord knows why. Dad gives everyone else the stink-eye if they try to take the same liberties."
Jenn couldn't keep the surprise off of her face, "Are we talking about the same 'dad'? You know, 'Sir, Yes, Sir, General Carter, Sir'?" she asked in disbelief.
It was only as Sam turned and took in Jenn's surprised face that she realized what she had given away, "Oh, ah, yeah… They've… ah, worked together… before…"
Jenn slapped a hand over her mouth, "You have a crush on someone who works with your dad? Oh. My. God. This is so much better than Oprah." Jenn immediately began to spin out her fantasy, "Diplomatic corps… Dangerous… He's a Marine, isn't he? God, those boys are just so damn handsome in uniform…" Suddenly, she stopped, "You mean to tell me that some Marine broke your heart and your dad let him live?"
Sam chuckled. Jenn's fantasy was so much easier to believe than the truth. Not nearly as painful, "No," Sam replied, simply.
"No what? No, he isn't dead? No, your dad didn't let him live? Or no, your dad doesn't know he broke your heart?" Jenn was punctuating each question with a pointed finger.
Sam smiled evilly, "No, he isn't a Marine."
Jenn let her head thump gently on the table. "Why do I put up with you Carters? Why?" she moaned into the table.
Sam chuckled and poked her shoulder, "Because for some silly reason you think my brother is hot and makes cute babies."
Jenn picked up her head and returned Sam's smile, "There is that." Jenn pulled Sam's hand to her, "You really can't tell me, can you?"
Sam looked down, "No. It's… complicated. It always has been." She sighed and turned back to the mall crowd wrapping her arms around herself, "Sometimes I wish it was easy. You know, meet some nice guy, fall in love, get married, have some kids… But it never seems to work that way for me. I've always been too smart, too pretty, too damn competent for my own good." Sam turned back to Jenn with a sad smile, "Did you know that I live to hear your stories about dirty kitchens and school projects? I'm living vicariously through you."
Jenn leaned over and gave Sam a tight hug, "And here I was living vicariously through you, flying fighter jets for the Air Force, working a career that keeps the mind active and engaged, surrounded by all those hot military studs…" Jenn sighed, "I can still live vicariously through you, right?"
Sam laughed, "Of course, just don't begrudge me my recount of the Oprah free-car special."
"Deal," Jenn returned. "Feel better?"
"No, but I've heard that whiskey helps you forget," Sam offered as she stood up.
"Well, a hangover does make it difficult to think. So, I guess the idea has merit." Jenn joined Sam and they headed back out to find their favorite hangout. "So, what's up with this 'Selma Mack' person your dad keeps talking about? Have they hooked up yet or what?"
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