The back of the boxy vehicle was dim and reeked of saltwater excreted through oily pores. Zim tried not to breathe too deep. It helped to focus on keeping still in his seat as the armored car jostled along. He kept sliding a little to the right or left on the bench and bumping into one of the hulking humans assigned to deliver him to his new place of residence. Across from him sat a woman dressed in what seemed to be formal attire. Her head was topped with spiky hair so blindingly yellow-green that it might have lit a building at night and one ear was jammed full of metal bits all along the edge. She kept tugging on her suit at all its openings, a sour expression on her face.
She leaned toward the front seat and knocked on the divider to get the driver's attention. "Hey, we almost there?"
"Five minutes."
Resettling herself, she glanced at a clipboard in her hand. "Okay, let's go over this one more time. We're placing you with the Steelman family on a provisional basis. Tom and Della Steelman are in the process of adopting two kids; Mikko and Tiana. The girls will arrive later this week."
"I have a functional memory, sweatmonster. All this was explained to me."
"Last minute review is on the checklist, just deal with it you little…" She paused, took a deep breath, and smiled at him. "Just let me read through the review, most honored visitor. Also, it's Rosalie. Agent Rosalie. I'm your supervisor and your agency contact. If you need anything or have any issues with your treatment, you call me." She fished a small, rectangular piece of paper out of her jacket and held it out to him.
He stared at it. "What am I supposed to do with this?"
"It has my phone number on it. Keep it so you don't forget."
Zim lowered his eyes to the piece of paper, scanning the information on it, then turned away. "I do not forget."
Rolling her eyes, she stuck the paper back in her jacket. "The Steelmans also have this information if you are wrong about that. Anyway, your room in the house is completely wired for visual and audio surveillance and select other rooms in the house are similarly tapped. Attempt to remove or tamper with this system and it will be considered a violation of your agreement. Any attempt to harm or coerce any human, especially your hosts, will be considered a violation. There is no three strikes system. You have one chance to get this right."
"Nobody ever answered me about what happens when I am attacked and I did not start the harm."
"If," Rosalie corrected, "And it's unlikely. We have you under constant watch. We'll step in and diffuse any tension before it gets that far."
Zim kept his face still and slowly swiveled his right antennae. Brainless worm. There is no "if."
The car pulled to a stop. Rosalie glanced back at her clipboard. "Right, and don't attempt to modify your PAK. Try not to reach for your tools unless you're in a supervised session with our agents. According to initial observation from your interrogation period, life support should be functioning perfectly but you'll have to earn other PAK privileges with good behavior."
"What you mean is that I am allowed to earn only my non-lethal equipment with good behavior, and only when they can study it. They will never allow me full use of my PAK again."
She shrugged, tugging on her sleeve. "Not my department. Ready to meet your new family?"
Zim spat at her feet.
Rosalie shook her head slowly, then turned to open the doors. "I give it three days tops before they take you back and hand you over to the Swollen Eyeball."
Zim jerked, digging his claws into the horrible orange jumpsuit they'd dressed him in. Survive. Grovel. Be the beaten captive. He inched his antennae lower, dipping his head toward her. "I. Offer. Apologizing."
"Whatever. Let's get this over with." She climbed out the back and the soldiers nudged Zim, none too gently, to follow.
"I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it." Della paced her usual path around the couch in the center of the living room, arms folded, head and shoulders thrust forward like a racehorse. Her feet hit the ground hard and fast. Tom sat on the couch and watched her pass by every fifteen seconds.
They'd already talked about this. They'd wrangled negotiations with an agency nobody seemed to have heard of. They'd stepped aside for full-scale home remodeling efforts that took a mere two weeks and cost them nothing. They'd marked which rooms were truly private and which ones they would have to watch themselves in. The adoption had sailed through the final stages with no hiccups and the girls would be arriving with their meager belongings in a few days. Their special guest would be there any minute now. There was no going back on the deals they had made. Della knew all this, of course.
It just felt wrong on so many levels. Constant surveillance. A dangerous alien. Home repairs for free. Paperwork they thought they would have to fight through suddenly waived. What had they gotten themselves into?
"I don't like it." She sounded plaintive, but as soon as that creature got here it would be her job to keep this uneasiness to herself. And he wasn't here yet. And she needed someone to know it still didn't sit right.
Tom leaned forward and snagged her arm as she passed, tugging her onto the couch next to him. He wrapped his arms around her and tucked his chin over her head. She heaved a sigh, burrowing in his embrace. "I know," she mumbled into his chest. "I know. I just don't like it."
"Mhmm." He kneaded the back of her neck with one hand. The moment flipped from tense to blissful in half a second. Her neck muscles slowly loosened the stranglehold they had on her bones. Another twenty minutes of this and she could handle anything this weird situation had to throw at her.
Knock knock knock.
No such luck. Her shoulders snapped back into place as she drew herself to her feet. Tom rose and took her hand. He squeezed it once, then walked her to the door.
It opened on the most uncomfortable looking woman Della had ever seen, what appeared to be two SWAT team members, and a waist-high green-skinned person dressed in an orange jumpsuit that looked three sizes too large. There was a wide metal band around his neck with a blinking blue light by the seam. Solid red eyes took up at least half his face. Della stared down at him, her mouth hanging open as his eyes narrowed to slits. His arms stuck tight against his sides. He was practically vibrating in place.
"Mr. and Mrs. Steelman, hello." The woman offered a hand and Della shook it. "My name is Rosalie. The file we gave you should have me listed as your contact with the agency. This is Zim. No known surname."
Tom edged forward and offered a hand to Zim. The alien flinched, backing up into the soldier behind him and throwing up his arms defensively. "Do not touch me, you mountainous horgath!" he shrilled. "They said there would be no attacking of Zim!"
Rosalie's smile was thin. "Our apologies, Mr. Steelman." She turned to Zim, hissing, "For all the time Dib said you've been here… you seriously don't recognize this as a greeting?"
Zim did not reach for the hand. He would not take his eyes off it. Slowly, Tom withdrew the handshake.
Della cleared her throat. "Well, please come in. We'll show you around, maybe sit down over some tea and talk."
Rosalie hesitated. "Ah, Mrs. Steelman, did you read the packet? He can't be given anything water-based."
"Right, right. I'm sorry. I read the packet, tea's just a force of habit. His diet is based out of carbs and sugar, right? I have cocoa. Is milk base okay?"
Zim finally peeled his eyes away from Tom and scowled up at Della. "Is that the udder-squirtings of the dimwitted cowbeast?"
"Um. Yes."
Zim squared his shoulders and jutted his chin forward. "It is a repulsive concept. However, it is consumable if masked with large quantities of sugar and chocolate. you are permitted to serve Zim this beverage." With that, he marched past them into the house. Military was the word that flashed through Della's mind.
Rosalie's smile cranked up to eleven. "He has such a charming way with words. Well, wouldn't you know it, I'm late for my next appointment. I'll take a rain check on the tea, but we appreciate the offer. My number's on file. We'll be watching, but please call with any questions, or to report any incidents. Which shouldn't happen. He knows he has to behave."
