Chapter 64

Bellamy was thankful when Octavia fell asleep on the couch. Because that meant he finally had a reprieve from her not-so-subtle comments about graduation. Not that it mattered much now. If everything had run according to schedule, it was probably wrapping up right about now.

Bellamy sat on the farthest right cushion of the couch, occasionally enduring a kick from his sister as she moved around. He had the remote control in one hand and sort of wished he had a drink in the other. As he was in the midst of channel surfing, his phone rang. Octavia jolted and declared, "I'm awake," when she heard that.

"Yeah, you are," he muttered sarcastically. He handed her the remote and got up, heading into the kitchen to grab his phone off the table. Raven was calling, so he answered with a simple, "Hey, what's up?"

"Oh, thank God you picked up," she said in a rush of breath. "Thank God."

Immediately, his whole body tensed in alarm. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Is Clarke okay?" Octavia was clearly listening in, because when she heard him ask that, she turned the volume on the TV all the way down.

"Yeah, she's fine," Raven answered. "She's um . . . well, she's in labor, actually."

In labor? Already? "What?" he spat. It definitely wasn't unheard of for a baby to come a week early, but . . . he'd just always had next weekend in his mind as the weekend.

"Yeah, her water broke right there at graduation, right on stage," Raven revealed to him. "We're at the hospital now. They just took her back to a room."

Holy shit, he thought, wondering how fast this was all happening. In his head, he was already picturing her screaming and pushing, but chances were, that'd come later.

"Listen, I don't know if it's my place to be calling you or what," Raven said, "but . . . I just felt like you should know. It's happening, Bellamy. She's having the baby."

It was happening. And he wasn't there. Because he hadn't taken Octavia's advice and gone to that graduation. Now she was in the hospital without him, and . . . what was he supposed to do? He'd assumed he'd have another week to get himself ready for this. "Thanks," he said to Raven, ending the call abruptly. He pocketed his phone and just stood there, letting his mind spin.

"What was that about?" Octavia asked him.

He couldn't even give her an answer.

"Bellamy?" his sister questioned. "Is everything okay?"

No, it wasn't okay. It wasn't okay because he wasn't by her side right now. He'd promised he would be, and he wanted to be, and he wasn't there.

Moving swiftly, he swiped his keys off the table and darted for the door.

"Bellamy!" Octavia called after him as he ran out. But he didn't even slow down. She could come with him, but she had to hurry. Because he had to hurry. If Clarke had that baby and he wasn't there to be a part of it, he'd never forgive himself.

...

The hospital bed was so freaking uncomfortable that Clarke decided to try standing up and walking around. The aches from the graduation ceremony had dulled a bit, but she still felt them, and she'd definitely had a few contractions. Nothing too major yet, thankfully, but it would only be a matter of time.

While her mom was busy chatting to one of the nurses (probably double-checking that Dr. Jackson was on his way), Clarke allowed Raven and, by extension, Murphy, to come back to her room. Just to talk to her, keep her calm, that sort of thing. As long as she was conversing with people, then she didn't start dwelling on the fact that she was going to have to push an entire baby out of her vagina soon.

"Hey, listen to this one," Murphy said as he scrolled through Instagram posts on his phone. "'Most entertaining graduation I've ever been to.' And someone else underneath goes, 'Yeah, but imagine if she had the kid right there.'" He chuckled.

"Great," Clarke said. "Thanks for sharing those, Murphy."

He shrugged. "I think it's cool. You're a meme."

"Having my water break all over the stage was not cool," she said, sitting down on the birthing ball in the corner just to test it out. "At least, it wasn't too noticeable, though, right? Just like a small amount?"

Raven and Murphy exchanged a look. "Yeah," he said unconvincingly.

"Totally," Raven agreed. "I could barely even see it."

"You guys are lying." Clarke groaned. "Oh god, now I'm just picturing somebody with a mop, cleaning it all up." Why did everything in her life have to be so damn dramatic?

"It's fine, Clarke," Raven said. "It really did make the whole ceremony more interesting."

If that was her entire contribution to her graduating class, then so be it. There wasn't anything she could do about it now. "You know what? Screw it. I'm done feeling embarrassed," she decided, rolling back and forth on the ball. "At this point, I don't care how gross things get. You know, when some women have a baby, they have a bowel movement at the same time. I don't even care if that happens."

Raven just forced a smile and nodded, but Murphy made a face of disgust and shuddered. "Sickening," he declared.

"Shut up, Murphy," she snapped.

"Maybe he should not be allowed back in the delivery room," Raven suggested.

"Yeah, once things start to progress, there's gonna be, like, a VIP list," she said. For now, it was okay for her friends to come back and wish her well, but there was going to come a point where she could only tolerate a select few people, and Murphy wasn't one of them.

Her mom came back into the room and echoed, "A list, huh? Am I on it?"

"Well, obviously," Clarke said. What kind of girl didn't want support from her mom on the day she gave birth?

Abby smiled at her, then looked at Murphy and Raven and asked, "Can I have a minute with my daughter?"

"Sure," Raven said. "We'll just go hang out in the waiting room."

"I'll find some more comments," Murphy said, shaking his phone at her excitedly.

"You do that," Clarke told him. Once she got to the point where she was able to laugh at her unlucky timing, she'd probably enjoy those comments, too.

When it was just the two of them, Clarke reached out her hand, and her mom helped pull her up off the birthing ball. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"Fine. Better," Clarke replied. "The contractions are in the going phase of coming and going, so that's good. I'm not sure about this whole standing and walking around thing, though. I worry the baby's just gonna fall out."

Her mom smirked. "Oh, if only it were that easy."

"Yeah." They didn't call it labor for nothing, though, did they?

"I brought you a snack," her mom said, holding up a couple of granola bars. "Although I'm not sure if you're hungry."

"Not right now," Clarke said, sort of repulsed by the thought of eating. "Thanks, though." She made her way back over to the bed and sat down, shutting her eyes as the cramping around her midsection intensified again. It didn't last longer than about twenty seconds, though, so it wasn't too bad. Yet.

"Your dad will be here any minute with your bag," her mom said. "The hospital's got your birth plan, and Dr. Jackson's on his way. You're all set."

"Yeah." Clarke put her legs up on the bed and leaned back against the pillows, still not exactly comfortable. But this was probably the best she was gonna get for now.

Her mom looked down at her adoringly and said, "Honey, I'm so proud of you."

Proud? Clarke thought, wrestling with the word. Did she really garner pride anymore? "Really?" she asked skeptically. "Even after . . . everything?"

Her mother looked her right in the eye and said it again. "I'm so proud."

Clarke inhaled shakily, relieved to hear that, even though she wasn't sure she'd earned it. It was comforting, though, that feeling of love and support. Especially since there had been a time six years ago when her mom hadn't been proud of her at all.

...

Clarke was getting really good at being invisible. She'd barely left the house for a week, and nobody really seemed to notice. Raven was all wrapped up in her boyfriend, because he was moving into his dorm room in a few days. And her parents were busy with work, like always. Her dad had just arrived home yesterday from a job that had required him to be gone for five days, and her mom had spent about the same amount of time pulling double-shifts at the hospital, because they were very understaffed right now. With everyone doing their own thing, it made it really easy for her to just spend time by herself. She never really did anything productive, though. She didn't work on the new cheers she was supposed to be practicing, nor did she do any of the summer reading she'd set out for herself. She didn't pull out her guitar once, and even when she did try to sit down and draw something, she usually ended up just doodling pointless, meaningless lines on the paper. Her creativity just felt zapped. Her appetite, on the other hand . . . that was starting to increase. And sooner or later, her parents were going to pick up on it. Sooner or later, one of them would hear her vomiting and put two and two together.

It'd been a full seven days since she'd taken the pregnancy test, and keeping it to herself was becoming exhausting. The longer she went without telling someone, the more she worried about doing it. She knew she had to tell somebody, and it seemed only natural to tell her mom first. Even though, in some ways, she was the hardest person to tell.

Clarke crept downstairs that night and found her mom sitting on the couch, yawning as she peered down at the computer on her lap. She looked like she was reading something, maybe some medical journal. Although Clarke had caught her reading an article about the Kardashians once, which her mother still denied to this day.

I don't wanna upset her, she thought fearfully. But this kind of news . . . it was upsetting. Maybe it wouldn't have been if she'd just been a little bit older. But as it was right now, she was basically a prime candidate for some stupid MTV reality show. 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom or something. Except those girls had sympathetic editing and a snappy soundtrack to cover all their dramatic moments. Real life wasn't like that.

"Hey, Mom?" Clarke squeaked out nervously.

Her mom glanced up momentarily and said, "Oh, hi, honey. Aren't you and Raven going out tonight?"

"No, I . . . I decided to stay home," she said. What excuse had she given Raven? Or had she even bothered with one this time?

"Well, I've got a little research I need to do for one of my cases," her mom said, eyes once again flittering back to the screen in front of her, "but once I'm done with that, maybe we can pop in a movie. Some feel-good mother/daughter thing."

No movie in the world was lighthearted enough or sappy enough to make Clarke feel good about anything right now. She felt like she was stuck in a rut, just a gigantic rut of stress and sadness, and she wasn't getting out of it anytime soon. "Mom, I need to talk to you," she announced quietly.

At first, her mother didn't seem to hear her. Her brows furrowed as she read something on her computer, then she glanced up and asked, "What's that?"

She has no idea, Clarke thought. Either she'd done a good job of hiding it, or her mom just hadn't noticed, because there wasn't a hint of concern in her voice or one line of worry on her face. "There's something I need to tell you," she said as tears stung her eyes.

Finally, her mom seemed to fully be paying attention. She set her computer aside and asked, "What's wrong?"

With no other way to say it than to just say it, Clarke took a deep breath and let the words out as she exhaled. "I'm pregnant." It didn't feel freeing to confess, didn't feel like a burden had been lifted for her shoulders. It felt horrible.

"You're . . ." Her mom's face barely moved, and she just stared at her silently for a few seconds, mouth halfway open as if she was trying to say something. "What makes you think that?" she asked, almost calmly. As if she thought this was a joke Clarke was playing.

"I've been getting sick," she answered. "And I'm late."

"Well, how late?" her mother asked. "Because at your age, Clarke, with all the hormonal changes . . ."

"Mom, I took a test," she blurted. As tempting as it was to play the denial game all over again, she knew with certainty that she was pregnant. And now her mom knew, too.

Abby's whole facial expression just changed, and a look of devastation swept over her. "Oh my god," she said in a low voice, leaning forward and not looking Clarke in the eye as she clasped her hands over her mouth. She shook her head, as if she either couldn't or didn't want to believe it, and then asked, "Are you sure it was positive? Did you do it right?"

Clarke's lips trembled, and she nodded tearfully. She'd done everything right.

"Oh my god, Clarke," her mother said again, sounding like she was about to have a panic attack.

"I'm sorry," she apologized meekly. She felt like such a disappointment. This wasn't what any mother wanted to hear from her sixteen year-old daughter.

"Is it Bellamy's?" her mom asked.

Again, Clarke nodded. It actually kind of stung that her mom would even ask that, because it wasn't like she was sleeping with anyone else already.

"Of course it is," her mom grumbled. She got up, walked over to the sliding glass door, and put her hand on the handle as if she were going to open it and go outside. But she didn't. Instead, she just stood there, looking out back at their pool and shaking her head. "No, no, no . . ." she said on repeat. "This can't be happening. How did this-" She whirled around, glaring at Clarke in disbelief now. "How did this happen? You told me you were being safe, and we got you on the pill."

"I know." It'd caught her off-guard, too, though perhaps it shouldn't have.

"So was that all a lie?" her mom yelled.

"No, I was . . . we were safe," she insisted. But that was a half-truth at best, which felt as bad as a lie, so she added on, "Sometimes," for the sake of honesty.

"Sometimes?" her mom spat.

"I just figured the pill would . . . work." She felt so stupid now, looking back.

"No, Clarke!" her mom shouted. "Accidents happen, which is why I specifically told you to make sure you always used condoms, too! Why would you not do that? Why would you not listen to me?"

"I'm sorry!" Clarke yelled back as the tears began falling rapidly down her cheeks. "I made a mistake."

"You're damn right you did!" her mom hissed. "This is different than just going out and getting drunk or skipping school, Clarke. You're pregnant. Do you have any idea what that means for your future?"

"Yes, it's all I've been thinking about for the past week now!"

"Week?" her mom resounded. "You've known for a week, and you're just now telling me?"

God, she felt like she couldn't say anything right, like no matter what she said right now, her mom was going to be angry about it. "I was scared," she said.

"Scared of what?"

"Of you reacting like this." And this was just one parent, too. She still had to tell her dad, and he was going to be so disappointed in her, too. "Mom . . ." she choked out, feeling like she couldn't breathe because she was starting to cry so hard. "I need you." The waterworks burst, and she cried as hard as she'd let herself cry when she saw those two pink lines. She didn't hold anything in; she couldn't.

She must have still been angry, but her mom finally softened a bit and came towards her. "Shh," she whispered, hugging Clarke. "It's okay. We'll deal with this." She held her tightly and stroked her hair and promised, "Everything's gonna be alright."

Would it, though? Was that even possible? As Clarke stood there with her mom, sobbing "I'm so sorry" against her shoulder, she really doubted it.

...

Clarke felt . . . pretty damn touched by her mom's unconditional love in that moment. Things hadn't always been smooth sailing between them, sure, but here they were, still a family.

"So I hope you don't mind," her mom said, "but I sneaked a peek at your birth plan."

Of course you did, Clarke thought, not at all surprised. She couldn't even be upset about it, because she'd expected as much.

"You did a good job," her mom said. "It's good that you thought about all those things in advance."

"It'll probably go right out the window now," Clarke mumbled. A lot of the things in her birth plan involved . . . someone else.

"And it's okay if it does," her mom assured her. "Now . . . I don't know if you've given any thought about who you want with you during the delivery, now that . . ." She trailed off, but it didn't take a genius to understand what she was getting at. "I mean, I could be back here with you," she offered, smiling hopefully. "I'd love to see my granddaughter come into the world."

Clarke had sort of anticipated this request, so she'd thought about it beforehand and already weighed the pros and cons of it. "Look, Mom, don't take this the wrong way, but . . . no," she said bluntly. "It's not that I don't appreciate it, because I do, but . . . you're not just my mom, you're a doctor."

"Exactly," her mother said. "Best of both worlds."

Yeah, it sounded great in theory, but in reality, Clarke had a feeling it wouldn't go so well. "I feel like it'd get too chaotic with Dr. Jackson and the nurses and you all telling me what to do."

"No, I won't say anything."

Clarke gave her a look. "You're you, Mom. Of course you'll say something." Her gut feeling was that her mom did not need to be back in the room with her when the baby was born, and she had to stick with that. "I just think it's for the best if it's just me and my medical team."

Her mother frowned. "But you shouldn't have to do this alone."

She sure didn't want to, but she was lacking alternatives. "Then maybe . . . maybe Raven can be with me," she thought out loud.

When a familiar, low, comforting voice said, "Or I can," Clarke nearly jumped right out of the bed. Her head shot to the door as Bellamy—Bellamy—walked in. He met her eyes, and the look on her face made her feel breathless. "If that's what you still want," he said.

What was going on? How did he know to be here? Was he even . . . real? "Bellamy?" she whispered, wondering if she should pinch herself to see if she was dreaming.

He smiled at her softly and came towards the bed. "Hey, Princess."

She stared at him in utter disbelief. She definitely wasn't imagining things. But it still felt like a dream.

"I'll give you two some time," her mom said, slipping away. Clarke was barely even aware that she left the room, because all she could see was Bellamy, and all she could hear was the sound of her own heart nearly beating right out of her chest. For a moment, it was as if every ache and pain and fear and worry just vanished, because Bellamy was there. He was there.

"What're you doing here?" she asked him.

"Well, I didn't take those Lamaze classes for nothing," he joked, cracking a grin.

She laughed a little, still stunned to see him. "Who told you?"

"Raven," he answered. "She called me right after you got here."

Oh, thank you, Raven, she thought, making a mental note to give her friend the biggest hug in the world for this. This was exactly what she'd needed, and Raven had seen right through her when she'd told her not to call him. She loved having a best friend who knew her so well. Now, thanks to her, her other best friend was by her side.

Clarke felt like she was seeing Bellamy again for the first time in years, even though it'd only been a few days. She felt as energized and excited as she had the night she'd walked into Eligius and reunited with him. But words weren't going to be enough to adequately convey how she was feeling, so she swung her legs over the side of the bed and managed to get up.

"You don't have to stand," he said, grabbing her arm to help her up.

"No, I wanna . . ." She gazed up at him for a few seconds, getting lost in his deep brown eyes, and then just melted into his arms, hugging him, holding him close as close as the bump in between them would allow, inhaling the scent of him. His strong arms wound around her tightly, making her feel safe and secure. Like everything was gonna be alright.

"You're really here?" she whispered, feeling the steady thrum of his heart beneath her cheek.

His hands rubbed up and down her back. "Yeah."

Oh, thank God, she thought, relief washing over her. She needed this. She needed him. "I—I told Raven not to call you," she stammered, leaning back just slightly so she could look up at him, "but—but it wasn't 'cause I was trying to keep you out of this or anything. I promise. I just thought . . . I didn't know if you'd wanna . . ."

"Hey, listen." He stroked her cheek with his thumb and gazed at her with such affection and intensity that she felt warmed and comforted to her core. "There's nowhere else I wanna be."

She smiled tearfully, enjoying the feeling of having to hold back happy tears instead of sad ones. "I don't think I could do this without you," she admitted, already feeling ten times more at ease now that she knew she'd have her person and her partner and the love of her life with her through this whole process. This was what she'd wanted but what she hadn't allowed herself to fully hope for.

"You could," he assured her, keeping his hands on her hips, keeping her close to him. "But you don't have to."

Her heart sort of . . . fluttered. As if it skipped a beat. She wasn't alone. He was here. And they were still doing this together.

...

Bellamy didn't want to leave Clarke's side. Now that he was there, he just wanted to stay with her the whole time. But he understood that he was sort of the liaison between her and all the people in the waiting room. They were going to have to rely on him for updates, because Clarke obviously wasn't going to be leaving that room. She said she was okay with visitors, but not for very long periods of time.

When Octavia went in there, Bellamy left, just for a few minutes. His stomach was in knots, so he didn't bother stopping at the vending machine and grabbing a snack. Nope, he probably wouldn't eat anything until after the baby was born. He headed straight out to the waiting room, happy to see that so many people were there. They were surrounded by love and support today, and that was a good feeling.

"There he is. Big Papa," Murphy said with a smirk.

"Yeah, better late than never." He still felt bad that he hadn't been there for her at graduation—Octavia had been right in trying to persuade him to go. But at least he was here now. He looked at Raven and said, "Thanks for calling me."

"Of course." She got up out of her chair and came towards him to give him a hug. "I knew you couldn't miss this," she said.

"Nope." Being here today to see Avery come into the world was the most important thing he'd ever done in his life. He was her father, after all, the only one she had.

Of course, he wasn't the only father there. Jake stared at him intently, and he recalled their last conversation. A not so pleasant one where he'd been drinking a little too much to remember everything he'd said. He didn't regret expressing his anger, because he felt like that had been warranted. But he did want to move forward now. "Hey, Jake," he said.

Much to his relief, Jake smiled at him. "Hey, Bellamy," he said, standing up. "I'm glad you're here." He held out Clarke's hospital bag, and Bellamy took it from him. He let out a heavy breath, one he hadn't even realized he'd been holding, and said, "Me, too." This was where he was meant to be.

Alyssa and Kane were both there, as well as Monty and Harper. Abby was noticeably absent, though, so he wondered what that was about. Had she gone to her office to lament the fact that he was back in the picture?

"Any update?" Harper asked him. One of her feet was tapping, and she kept wringing her hands together, either out of excitement or nervousness.

"No, she's still in the early stages. It'll be a while," he answered. He really hoped, for Clarke's sake, that she didn't have one of those labors that lasted more than a day, but he knew it was a possibility. And if that was the case, he wouldn't be getting a wink of sleep, and that was fine. "You guys can probably go home for a couple hours if you want," he said. No need for their friends to just sit there and wait.

Raven shook her head stubbornly. "Nope. No way."

"Yeah, this is our home until Avery's born," Harper agreed.

Murphy whipped out his phone and said, "You want me to film anything?"

Bellamy chuckled and shook his head. "No, I think Clarke would kill you," he said. "But, uh . . . thanks, you guys. For being here." It meant a lot, more than he could properly express in the moment, because he just wanted to get back to the girl he loved. "I'm just gonna go . . ."

"Yes, go," Raven said, giving him a gentle shove. "Be with her."

Be with her, he thought, smiling a bit. Yeah, he was gonna be with her. No matter what. The past didn't matter as much as the present did. Or the future.

On his way back to Clarke's room, he encountered Abby in the hallway. They both stopped walking for a few seconds when they saw each other, and he could tell by the look on her face that she'd been crying.

"Listen, Abby," he said as she came towards him, "I know you probably-"

When she was right in front of him, she shocked the hell out of him by throwing her arms around him and hugging him. Tightly. And there was no anger or disappointment in it. If anything, it felt more like . . . gratitude. Like she was grateful that he was there.

He hugged her back unsurely, because hugging was just something they didn't do. Something they'd never done. But for the first time ever, he felt like Abby Griffin actually liked and approved of him and wanted him around. He'd already gotten Jake's blessing, but this . . . this silent hug felt like hers.

As nice as it was to have these moments with Clarke's parents and with their friends, it was a lot nicer to walk back into that room to be with her. It seemed like it was pretty bad timing, though, because Clarke was grimacing and clutching her stomach with both hands. Not yelling, but she was obviously in pain.

"Oh, thank God you're back," Octavia said. "She's having a contraction, and I don't know what to do."

He rushed to her side, willing to offer up his hand if she needed something to squeeze the life out of, but she loosened up, breathed a sigh of relief, and said, "It's okay. It's done now." She took a moment to catch her breath, then groaned, "God, those really suck."

"You alright?" he asked her, stroking her hair.

"Yeah," she said. "Just part of the process." She managed a small smile, but she looked tired already. He really hoped she could find some way to rest during all of this.

"I think this is my cue to leave," Octavia said. "But Mom's on her way," she told Bellamy.

"Good." He needed her there more than anyone else. Because if he started to get freaked out about anything, she'd be the one to calm him down.

"Good luck with everything, Clarke," Octavia said. "You got this."

"Thanks," Clarke said.

"And you got this, too, Bell," Octavia told him, giving his shoulder a quick squeeze on her way out.

Damn, I got a good family, he thought, watching his sister leave the room. It didn't matter that they didn't have the most money or the nicest house or even a dad. They were close. And he was sure as hell going to do everything he could to make sure Avery grew up with as much love as he had. Or even more.

"Look what your dad brought," he said to Clarke, holding up her hospital bag.

"Good," she said. "Although I forgot, what's even all in there?"

"Clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste," he said, setting it down next to the bed. "Your sketchbook."

"Socks?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah." He'd put a couple different pairs of socks in there.

"Oh, thank God," she said. "My feet are cold."

"Well, we can fix that." He unzipped the bag and reached around inside, grabbing onto the first pair of socks he felt. They were pink and fuzzy, and Clarke usually didn't wear them, but they were definitely warm, so she didn't protest as he went down to the foot of the bed and put them on her feet for her.

"I didn't expect to be doing this today," she said. "One of the speakers at graduation was talking about becoming. You know, like, becoming who we're meant to be and stuff. That feels relevant."

He pulled up a chair next to her bed and sat down, reaching out to take one of her hands in his. "Sorry I wasn't there," he apologized. "I feel horrible. I've been horrible."

"No, I get it, though," she said. "I mean . . . there's still a lot we need to talk about."

There was, but they could do that later. "We don't have to talk about it right now," he told her.

"No, we do, though," she insisted. "We should. Before labor gets too intense."

He really was willing to put some things on the backburner for now, if it meant making things easier on her. But she seemed like this was what she wanted, and he knew there were things he could say that would help her feel better. "Okay," he said. "I'll start then." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, then looked her right in the eye and said, "I forgive you."

Tears immediately sprung up, and she had to blink them back. "Bellamy, you don't have to-"

"No, hear me out," he said. "I forgive you for what happened. I was never gonna not forgive you." Maybe Avery's decision to arrive a week early had sped up the process, but he wasn't complaining. It felt good to not be wallowing in anger anymore. "And I know that doesn't mean we've solved all our problems. I know there's stuff we're still gonna have to deal with and issues we're still gonna have to work past," he acknowledged. "But I forgive you, Clarke. Because I still wanna be with you. I don't think I've ever really wanted to be with anyone else."

Her lower lip trembled, and she failed at her attempt to keep her tears at bay.

"Listen, I need you to know that I'm not just here today because of Avery," he told her. "You guys are both my family. I'm not just here because I love her; I'm here because I love you. And nothing's ever gonna change that." He still had every intention of getting married to her, whenever she was ready. If that was a year from now, he could wait. If that was tomorrow, then he wouldn't hesitate.

"Nothing?" she echoed. "Not even . . . what I kept from you?"

"No." He knew they could overcome it. There wasn't any other alternative.

"But what if I can't forgive myself?" she whimpered. "I mean, here I am, getting ready to bring someone else into the world, and part of me feels like I should've done that already. Like I should've just had our baby."

He would have loved that, to be honest. Despite how young they'd both been, he would have loved getting to raise a child he'd helped create, to be the kind of dad he'd never had. But this didn't feel any less special or important to him. "Avery is our baby," he reminded her.

She choked on a happy sob.

"Look, Clarke . . . what happened isn't something either one of us will ever just forget or get over," he said. "It's gonna stick with us for the rest of our lives. But today's not about that. Today's a good day." He glanced at the clock, noting the time. They were definitely into the afternoon hours now. "And if she's born before midnight," he said, "it'll be the happiest day of our lives."

She laughed a little and said, "It will be, won't it?"

"Yeah." And if she was born after midnight, then tomorrow would be. "I don't know about you, but I'm really excited to meet her," he said. He'd done so much talking to her, reading to her, feeling her kick. But he was ready to get to hold her.

"She's gonna love you," Clarke said. Her hand tightened on his, and with conviction, she said, "I love you."

Of course he'd known that, but it felt good to hear it. And she deserved to hear it from him. "I love you, too," he said. In that moment, despite everything, he felt more in love with her than he ever had before.

He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her forehead, and then kept his face near hers as her eyes fluttered shut. Tears still seeped from them, but they were the happy kind. He kept holding her hand as he watched her fall asleep, knowing that rest would be fleeting for her and non-existent for him. But that was fine. She was the one who had to do all the hard work today. All he had to do was be there for her, support her, and love her. And those were really easy things for him to do.