Chapter 83

Although it was hot on the west coast, it wasn't so unbearable that going to the beach felt like a chore. Clarke wanted to go hang out on the beach and enjoy the beautiful west coast weather, but shade was a necessity. Not only because she was fair-skin and burned easily herself, but because she couldn't risk Avery getting burnt. She was too young for sunscreen, so that meant they had to have a beach umbrella to sit under, and Clarke had to dress her in clothing that would shield her from the elements without making her too hot. She put a brimmed hat on her, too, to help protect her face, and she told Bellamy that they couldn't stay out there with her too long. Nothing like three hours or anything.

Although they kept her under the umbrella for the most part, Bellamy did want to take her in the ocean with him. ("My little mermaid," he called her.) She was obviously too little for any swimming, but she wasn't too little to have just her feet in the water. So Bellamy held her up while she experienced the ocean waves lapping at her toes for the first time. Her legs weren't entirely straightened out yet—most of the time she kept them curled up close to her body—but he lifted her up and down, dunking her feet in, and she didn't start crying or anything. She liked it.

Clarke could have lain up on her beach towel under that umbrella all day watching them. Raven lay next to her, rocking a bikini that Clarke wouldn't have tried to pull off even before having a baby. But Raven had the abs for it, and Murphy couldn't seem to get enough of her in it. He lay beside her, almost falling asleep, it seemed, as his fingers traced light designs on her exposed stomach. Eventually, he stretched, sat up, and said, "Alright, enough of this lazy shit. I gotta go film."

"Right now?" Raven asked.

"Yeah. I got sponsors who want videos up by the end of the week." He gave her a kiss, grabbed his phone, and got up, walking down the beach as he began to vlog.

"Okay," Raven said, grinning at Clarke excitedly, "now that it's just us girls . . ."

Clarke looked out at Bellamy, appreciating how bronzed he looked in such bright sunlight. "Oh my god, Raven, it was so good last night," she raved. "I felt like I was levitating."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Part of her still felt like she was levitating, like she wasn't really lounging on that beach towel because she was floating four feet off the ground. "I'll tell you what, marriage has really revitalized our sex lives," she said, happy that she'd started to feel so horny again. "Not that it was ever bad or anything. I'm just not all uncertain anymore." She put her hand on top of her stomach, smoothing it over the material of her blue one-piece swimsuit. "I mean, my body's not back, but it's back-ish. And my man's not complaining. So now that I'm more confident, I just want it, like, all the time."

"That's why you're having a honeymoon," Raven said. "Because when you go back home . . ."

"Real life starts up again, I know." Summer would wind down rapidly since school started so soon these days. Bellamy's coaching schedule would get busier and more hectic, especially once games started up, and hopefully she'd have some work of her own to occupy her time, whether it be guitar lessons, piano lessons, or vocal ones. "I don't even wanna think about that," she decided, tossing her head back, breathing in the salty air. "I just wanna lay here and relax."

Unfortunately, Bellamy cut into her relaxation abruptly when he yelled to her, "Hey, we got a problem!"

"What?" she shrieked, sitting straight up. Her immediate fear was that something was wrong with Avery, that some ocean creature was nibbling at her or something. But she was just trying to kick her feet around in the water while he held her up.

"She likes this ocean better than the one back home," Bellamy told her.

Clarke felt like throwing the whole beach umbrella at him for freaking her out like that. "Bellamy!" she yelped. "Don't say stuff like that! I thought something was wrong!"

"Sorry," he apologized, lifting Avery up out of the water again. He held her up high, moving her around like an airplane, and her little hat fell off, but he immediately bent down to pick it up and put it back on her.

"God, look at him," she said, starting to salivate. "Look at his shoulders. His arms. His butt."

Raven laughed and said, "I'll leave that to you," as she rolled over onto her stomach. Clarke stayed sitting, though, so she could have a good look at her little family. It was a mix of emotions, all of them good, as she watched them play together, because on the one hand, she was swept up in the adorableness of her beautiful daughter. But on the other hand . . . it was hard not to stare at her sexy as fuck husband.

...

Honeymoons weren't all about sex. They could be, of course, for some couples, and for Bellamy and Clarke, theirs may have been if they hadn't had a child to think about. Plus, there was Murphy and Raven, and they knew they couldn't ask them to be babysitters the entire time they were on vacation. So they went out and about with them, trying to pack in as many experiences and activities to their week, too. Like the Queen Mary. It was docked right there in Long Beach, and every vacation website said it was a must-see attraction, probably the biggest and most popular one. So they took a tour of it and even ate there. Clarke was mostly into the artistry of the old ship, seeing the way everything had been constructed and decorated. Murphy was bored out of his mind. Raven and Bellamy were sort of into it, though, because the tour included plenty of factual information about the ship. Apparently it'd been a luxury passenger liner before becoming a World War II ship, and then afterward, it'd been a luxury liner again until the 1960s. It was sort of fun to see Bellamy geek out about the history aspect of it all, but he tried to downplay it, of course, and reminded them all that history was the only school subject he'd ever actually had a genuine interest in.

Since the area was a lively tourist area, there were other things they did, too, like going to see a performing arts show. Clarke felt like she was the only one who was actually into that, but to his credit, Bellamy acted like he was. The aquarium was something they all enjoyed, especially Avery, who seemed mesmerized by all the blue water and animals in the tanks, even though she didn't yet know what she was even seeing. She had this look of wonder on her face whenever they held her up to the glass to see what was inside, and a few curious fish swam right up to her.

There was designated guy-time and girl-time, too, with Bellamy and Murphy going golfing together and Raven and Clarke going shopping. Clarke picked up some souvenirs for her parents, and Raven found gifts for her dad and Harper. When they got back from their shopping excursion, they heard all about the boys' competitive golf game. Bellamy had won, of course, being the natural athlete that he was, but Murphy insisted that he'd kept the score, close. Bellamy insisted that he'd cheated.

With a name like Long Beach, they obviously had to spend more time out on the beach, too. It had to all be very limited for Bellamy and Clarke because of Avery, but as long as they kept her shaded at almost all times, it seemed like she was doing okay. She slept a lot, which Clarke could relate to. For as much fun as she was having, it was also very tiring. She hadn't been so busy in a long time. At home, she had her routines with her daughter, but here, they were always doing something or going somewhere. There was even one night where she fell asleep before she and Bellamy could have sex. She'd felt sort of guilty about it at first, but he assured her it was fine, and that he'd fallen asleep quickly that night, too.

Of course, spending quality time with each other was still the biggest priority for both Bellamy and Clarke, so when they were strolling along the boardwalk with Raven and Murphy and Raven announced, "We're gonna head back to the hotel for a while. You want us to take the baby?" they were eager to take her up on that offer.

"Um . . . sure," Clarke said, handing over the stroller they'd rented earlier in the week. "If you don't mind."

"Not at all," Raven said. "We're just gonna nap. She can nap with us."

The smirk on Murphy's face made it seem like they were going to do a little more than napping, but Clarke didn't say anything about it.

After they'd left and it was just her and Bellamy walking along together, hands linked, she said, "We've got good friends."

"Yeah, we do," he agreed.

They fell silent for a moment, the comfortable kind of silence that you could only have with someone you were madly in love with, and Clarke took in their surroundings. It was absolutely beautiful out in California. Sure, it was hot, but it was totally manageable out there on the coast. It hadn't been cloudy or gloomy for one single day of their vacation, which was definitely a difference from the weather back home. The sun had shone every single day, coating everything in a warm, golden glow.

"Did you make friends in Canada?" she asked him as they strolled. "And Mexico and Italy?" It was still surreal to her to imagine living in so many different countries, but he'd done it.

"Friends with benefits," he admitted.

"Of course." She rolled her eyes, not surprised.

He chuckled and said, "Nah, I had people I'd hang out with. It wasn't like this, though."

She got that. Even though she and Raven had been friends since high school, and even though she'd made a friend for life when she'd gotten assigned to be roommates with Harper freshman year, having Bellamy back just made things feel . . . complete again. Whole. The way it was meant to be. "You're my best friend," she told him, even though that wasn't news to him.

"You're mine, too," he said, giving her hand a squeeze. He lifted it to his mouth and kissed the back of it, and somehow, that little gesture just made her heart melt.

They stopped when a man's loud voice rang out, "Ah, lovely couple." He sat at an easel on the boardwalk, but he stood up when he saw them. "What brings you to Long Beach?"

"Oh, we're on our honeymoon, actually," Clarke said, smiling.

"Really? Congratulations."

"Thank you." They had basically told everyone, from the front desk people at the hotel to every single waiter or waitress at any restaurant they'd visited. Partly because they were excited about it and wanted everyone to know, and partly because a lot of places offered newlywed discounts for things.

"You know what you need?" the man said eagerly. "A souvenir drawing, one of a kind." He motioned to his setup, and Clarke noticed that he had a few sample drawings on display. They were all cartoonish, with super big heads and unrealistic faces, but they were well-done. She looked at Bellamy and shrugged, figuring . . . why not?

They sat in front of the man after that, whose name was Jose, and made conversation with him while he worked away on his version of their portrait. Jose was super friendly, probably because he met a lot of people sitting out there and was used to talking while he worked. He was very interested in them, their whole story, and when he found out Clarke was an artist herself, he wanted to know more.

"So do you paint?" he asked. "Or draw? What do you do?"

"Mostly drawing," she said, "but some painting once in a while, too. I suck at caricature/cartoon stuff, though. I don't know how you do it."

"Just comes naturally," he said.

Bellamy grunted and said, "Art never came naturally to me."

"No. But sports did." That was definitely something that had never come naturally to her.

"What do you play?" Jose asked.

"Well, I used to play football," Bellamy answered.

"Now he coaches it," Clarke added proudly. He was a good coach, just like he was a good husband and a good father. Just a good guy all around. She was so lucky.

"You two high school sweethearts or something?" Jose questioned with a knowing smile on his face.

"Yeah." She rested her head against Bellamy's shoulder for a moment, then sat up straighter again since they had to keep the same relative pose for this drawing. "How'd you guess?"

"I draw dozens of couples every day," Jose said. "By now, I just get a vibe. How long you been together then?"

"Um, well . . ." She knew Jose was probably expecting to hear something like six or seven or maybe even eight years, but that just wasn't the way it'd gone for them. "We took a break for a while after he graduated."

"But now we're back together," Bellamy said.

"Obviously." They were more together than they'd ever been, and she was loving it.

"Wow," Jose said, "that sounds like fate or something."

"It is," Clarke said. She'd never really believed in fate until Bellamy had come back into her life. But now, how could she not?

"You break up, realize you can't live without each other, and then get back together," Jose said. "Straight out of a movie. Did you guys know you were gonna end up back together?"

Bellamy looked at her and admitted, "I didn't know."

"I didn't, either," she said. In fact, there had been a long period of time where she hadn't even let herself consider the possibility.

...

As students filtered into the gym, Clarke watched the cheerleaders dance to the music the pep band was playing. They weren't hard dances, just two eight-counts of music that were repeated over and over again. Clarke knew them all by heart, could do them in her sleep. It felt weird not to be out there with them. She'd never seen a pep rally from the crowd's vantage point before.

Beside her, Jasper was most definitely not peppy. "This looks like it's gonna be lame," he mumbled.

Maybe, Clarke thought. She sympathized with the cheerleaders, because she knew how hard it was to plan pep rallies. They had only a few minutes to perform their routine, do a few cheers, do an activity with the athletes, and let the coaches and captains speak. Sometimes people complained if they were boring, but hardly anyone ever complimented them when they were good. Being a cheerleader was really sort of a thankless job in high school. But usually, the pep rallies were neither amazing nor dreadful. They were just an excuse to get out of class for fifteen minutes at some point during the day. And the football ones were typically pretty good. Because . . . well, the football team was good. Or at least . . . they had been. But there was no telling what this year would be like. No one had the same high hopes for the season that they'd had back when there had been a star quarterback.

All it took was thinking about him, just once, and there it was again: That blanket feeling of sadness that she'd grown so accustomed to. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that her name had been brought up in meetings by the teachers. They were probably concerned about her, because she was quieter so far this year, more distant, not as involved. All warning signs of something bigger, they would think. But she wasn't depressed or anything. She just missed Bellamy Blake. Which was part of the reason why she hadn't even wanted to come sit at this pep rally today in the first place. The whole time, she'd be remembering what it had been like to be out there dancing, able to lock eyes with him as he watched her. And getting to stand there while he took the microphone and addressed the whole student body, pumped them all up for a game that he must have known he was going to win.

"Hey, Clarke!" an annoying voice yelled at her over the band's music. She made the mistake of looking to her right, where, seated a few people down, was Dax, along with a few of his friends. They were all wearing their dark green jerseys since this pep rally was for them. "Why aren't you out there?" he asked her tauntingly.

She looked away, trying to ignore him, but he didn't let up.

"Come on, I wanna watch you move."

Don't pay him any attention, she told herself, but that was easier said than done when she could hear him and the other guys laughing. School had only been back in session a few weeks, and already, they were driving her crazy.

"Why aren't you out there?" Jasper asked her.

"I quit," she answered simply.

"Yeah, but why?"

She wasn't about to elaborate, so she said, "Maybe I just don't feel like cheering for guys like him," and left it at that.

Finally, the pep rally started to begin. The band's switch to the school song signaled everyone to stand up and clap along while the cheerleaders danced. Clarke watched Raven, envious of that huge smile she was able to have on her face. It didn't look forced or fake. She loved what she was doing, even though her boyfriend wasn't there anymore, either. At least he was still her boyfriend, though.

It was definitely a different pep rally. Mostly because, after the coach spoke about the team, he tried to hand the microphone off to his new quarterback. But the new quarterback didn't want to say anything, and neither did anyone else on the team. So the whole even sort of just ended with a whimper. Everyone was dismissed back to class, and that was that. Clarke made sure to tell Raven and a few of the other cheerleaders that they'd done a good job, but Raven said she already knew that she was going to hear a lot of complaints about this particular pep rally.

Later that day, feeling no peppier than she had when she'd woken up that morning, Clarke struggled through her one challenging class: woodworking. Everything else was going smoothly, but she was dangerously close to having a B in that one, and she didn't want to lose her 4.0.

"Dammit!" she swore when the piece of wood she was trying to cut snapped in half under the machine she was using. She trudged back to her table, tossing the useless pieces of wood aside, and tried to calm herself down so she could start again. Everyone else's projects were well underway, and she felt like she was falling behind. A few of the guys—because they were all guys in that class—had offered to help her, but she wanted to do it by herself.

When she looked over at the teacher's desk, she noticed one guy who wasn't supposed to be in the class. With the constant stream of noise from all the different machines in there, she hadn't even heard Wells come in. But there he was, saying something to Mr. Hamilton, handing over the little yellow hallway pass that indicated he had permission to be there. Mr. Hamilton took the pass from him and nodded, and Wells then headed over towards her. "Hey, Clarke." he said.

She was too stressed to even say hey back. "What're you doing in here?" she asked.

"Funny," he said, looking around, "I was about to ask you the same thing."

She knew he didn't mean it as a sexist thing. He just knew her and knew that she had no interest in any of this. "It was either this or child development," she muttered, picking up the pieces of wood again.

"And you chose this?"

Yeah, she had. But he wouldn't understand why. And she didn't want him to understand.

"Nice birdhouse," he said, motioning to her failure of a project.

"It's a napkin holder," she informed him.

"Oh." He tilted his head to the side, trying to be nice when he said, "Yeah, I see it."

No, he didn't, because she didn't, either. She was going to have to break down and ask one of those other guys for help, because she just wasn't as good at this as she would have liked to have been. "Is there something you need, Wells?" she asked, not even bothering to hide her impatience.

"Yeah, I, uh . . . I wanted to run an idea by you," he said.

"The answer's probably no." Knowing Wells Jaha, he had some big social justice project up his sleeve. Last year, it'd been diversity training for all the teachers. This year, it was probably something even bigger.

"Two words," he said, an excited look on his face. "Quiz Bowl."

She made a face. "The answer's definitely no." The last thing she wanted to do was go out and get involved in something again right after quitting cheer.

"Just hear me out. We've finally got some funding," he said. "Mr. Randolph's sponsoring it now, so it won't be a joke like it was freshman year. We can actually be competitive. If we get the right people on the team."

And he thought she was one of the right people? Just because she studied and did well in her classes? "Ask Raven," she suggested. "She's a lot smarter than me."

"She said it'd conflict with cheer. But from what I saw at the pep rally, you're not doing cheer anymore, so . . ." He trailed off.

Yeah, she had some time on her hands, but that didn't mean she was looking to fill it up with anything. She was getting really good at going home and spending her entire evening just drawing or playing her guitar, spending time alone. "I don't think so," she said.

"Come on, Clarke," he urged. "You'd really be an asset for the team."

"I'm not that smart," she insisted.

"Yes, you are."

"No, really . . . I'm not." How smart could she have possibly been? Smart girls made their boyfriends wear condoms all the time. She, in contrast, had been an idiot. "Look, I appreciate you asking, but . . . I don't really wanna do anything this year. At all," she said. "I just wanna go to class and go home and . . . that's it."

Wells sighed disappointedly, but thankfully, he didn't press the issue any further. "Alright," he said. "Let me know if you change your mind."

As he left, she tried to redirect her attention back to her stupid, broken napkin holder, but now she had other things on her mind. Quiz Bowl? Sure, she could probably help out with art questions, and some history, and probably plenty of science and math, too. But they'd do fine without her. And she'd be fine on her own this year. Maybe she'd still be sad, and maybe people would start to get tired of it, but . . . she'd be fine.

...

Clarke intertwined her fingers with her husband's and said, "I was miserable without you. Not like all the time, you know. But I think I spent five years just not being truly happy."

"Yeah," he said, sounding a bit regretful. "Same."

It wasn't fun to think that they'd missed out on five years they could have spent together, but there was no changing it now. And this fate that Jose had mentioned had still found a way to work its magic.

"Well, you're back together now, and that's what matters," Jose said. "So what's next then? You guys gonna have any kids?"

Clarke exchanged a quick look with Bellamy, who seemed more than happy to let her answer that one. "Well, actually . . ."

...

Despite being such a good baby—best baby ever, in fact—Avery still had her moments. Moments in the night where she would wake them up crying. It was her only way to communicate for the time being, so Clarke tried her best to be patient. But it did get tiring. She wasn't sure how single moms did it. Thankfully, she had someone to help.

"Didn't I just feed her, like, an hour ago?" she said groggily as Bellamy brought Avery to their bed.

"Yeah. I don't think she's hungry," he said, "just . . ."

"Fussy?" she guessed, deciding not to sit up and pull her top up. There was no way Avery was hungry again already.

"I think she knows she's not at home in her own nursery," Bellamy said, carefully lying down with her. She continued to cry, but when he put her on his bare chest and started rubbing her back, the crying almost immediately began to lessen. "Shh, it's alright, sweetheart," he whispered comfortingly. "Daddy's got you."

Clarke just watched them, amazed by the way he was able to calm her down so quickly. They had a different bond than what she had with Avery, but it was just as strong and special. "I love watching you with her," she told him. "It's so . . . heartwarming."

"Well, I love watching you with her, too," he said, closing his eyes as he continued to comfort the baby. One of his big hands was enough to completely cover her small back. "When we get home, we gotta get the ball rollin' on that adoption stuff," he reminded her.

"Yeah, we will." She was hoping Kane had been able to his lawyer friends, particularly the family law one, and get some information about how to get the process started. Because the sooner it got started, the sooner it got finished.

"I'll feel better once it's all done," Bellamy said, gently patting Avery's back as her cries began to fade even more, to the point where Clarke could barely hear her.

Something about the way he said that made her wonder . . . "Do you feel . . . bad? Like right now?" She didn't want Bellamy to feel bad or worried about anything, especially not something like this. He was Avery's father, and the adoption was just going to make it legal. More than likely, it'd be a smooth process, and they wouldn't have any problems.

"No. I'm havin' a great time," he assured her.

She was, too, but now she couldn't help but wonder just how often thoughts of the adoption lingered in his mind, just how many fears he might have had that he wasn't telling her.

"Just go back to sleep, Clarke," he said. "I'll take care of her."

I know you will, she thought, unable to close her eyes, because she just wanted to keep watching him with her. Avery may have only been six and a half weeks old, but even already, he was one hell of a good dad to her.