AUTHORS NOTE: warning. Small discussion of self harm. Don't read if it will trigger you. If you need help please get help. It will get better.
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Lorelai left her therapists office annoyed. She was told she wasn't going to be approved to go back to work yet.
The therapist felt that she wasn't ready. She was still coming to see her very regularly and she felt that she wanted her to wait a little while longer. Lorelai also was not answering a question that the therapist had.
Lorelai went out to her car and took a breath. She for a moment thought she could lie to Hotch and tell him that she was cleared but she knew that was a bad idea for two reasons. One being that Hotch would want some sort of document saying she was cleared and two Hotch knew when she was lying. She hated that she had a tell and didn't know what it was.
She texted Hotch. 'I was not cleared today. Maybe next week.' She told him honestly.
Hotch read the text before responding. 'Thanks for letting me know.'
Lorelai drove back home and went inside. Closing doors, a bit harder than necessary. No one else was home so it was more just for her to let out some frustration.
She tried to sit down and read but her mind was racing. She was starting to go stir crazy she needed to do something. Something more than read a book or draw a picture. She decided that maybe it was a good idea to find a gym she had never been to one before, but she needed to do something active. She quickly changed into something more appropriate and headed to a local gym.
She worked out for about an hour before she showered at the gym. She decided that while she wasn't allowed to work there was nothing stopping her from dropping off coffee to the team. When she left the gym, she drove to a local coffee place picking up coffee and a treat for the team before heading to the office.
She went into the squad room. "Thought everyone could use a pick me up." She said placing things down on her desk and passing out the coffees and muffins.
"You're back?" Morgan asked
"No. But I am going stir crazy I have to do something." Lorelai told them all
"When are you back?" Prentiss asked
"I don't know. When I am cleared." She said
She grabbed the last two coffees and went up to the offices upstairs. She went to Rossi's first. "Afternoon. Coffee?" She asked handing it and a muffin on his desk.
Rossi looked up. "Thanks. Should be surprised to see you but I'm not."
"I'm not here to work. Just needed to do something so brought everyone something since I know your all doing paperwork." Lorelai said softly
Rossi smiled. "I would be doing the same thing. I know you want to be back. Hotch mention you were going to try and get cleared. It will be soon." He said
Lorelai smiled. "I should bring him his coffee before it gets cold." She said leaving the office.
"Thank you." Rossi called out as she left
Lorelai knocked on Hotch's office door.
"Enter." He called out
Lorelai went in. "Coffee and muffin?" She said "Don't worry I am not here to work. Just offer some pick me ups. Since I am going stir crazy." She told him.
Hotch nodded. "Thank you."
Lorelai handed him the coffee and muffin.
"No problem." She said she could tell him seemed busy, so she went to leave the office.
"Wait." He said
Lorelai looked back. "Yes?"
"Close the door and have a seat." He said
Lorelai closed the door and went and sat down. "What is it?" She asked
"I called your therapist." He said
"Oh.." She said
"She said she wanted to clear you, but you wont answer a question." He said
Lorelai looked down at her hands.
"She wouldn't tell me what the question was." He told her. "But a few things come to mind."
"Please don't…" she asked
"I don't want to have too but I need you to tell me what the question is." He said
"Are you asking as my boss or my father?" Lorelai asked
Hotch took a breath. "Both."
"She asked me. If I still.. Thinking about harming myself."
"And you didn't answer." Aaron said
"No. I didn't." Lorelai admitted
Aaron took a breath. "Have you self harmed?"
"No." Lorelai said
Aaron nodded. "Glad to hear. Do you still have those thoughts?"
"No." Lorelai said
"Why didn't you just tell her that?" Aaron asked
Lorelai started to chew on the inside of her lip.
"You can answer, or you can go home." Aaron said
"Dad…" She started
"I don't want excuses. I want the truth," He said in a no-nonsense tone of voice. The voice he generally used as her boss.
Lorelai took a breath. "I don't have a good answer Sir."
"You do want to come back to work correct?" Hotch asked
"Yes Sir." She said
"So? Unless you are lying about your thoughts why wouldn't you just tell her that?" He asked
"I don't know." She said
Hotch nodded. "Well than I guess she was correct in not clearing you."
"Yes Sir." She said softly looking down
"Lorelai." He said
She looked up.
"If you don't want to come back. If you have seen to much. It is okay. We will all understand. You came into this job as a fifteen-year-old. Yes we all thought you were eighteen. I often wonder if when we should have pulled you out when we found out the truth." He told her "You are far more important than this job." He told her.
"I do want to do this job. This is a huge part of who I am." Lorelai said.
"Than explain why you wouldn't just tell her the truth? Tell her that you aren't having those thoughts?" He asked
"I don't know!" She said standing up and starting to walk away
"Lorelai. Don't walk out of this office." He said firmly standing up and walking toward her.
She stopped and looked back at him. Aaron hugged her.
Lorelai hugged him. "I'm sorry if I have disappointed you…" She said softly
Aaron pulled apart from the hug. "Look at me." He said
Lorelai looked up at him.
"You are smart, kind, funny, generous, strong, You are a better human than me. How can I be disappointed into that?" He asked
Lorelai smiled a bit. "I'm also stubborn & reckless."
"You are determined. And yes something reckless. Which I admit makes me crazy, however. When you are its usually for the greater good. To help those who cant help themselves." He said
Lorelai nodded.
"Go home. Get some rest. When you have an answer for me and your therapist. You can come back to work." He said
Lorelai sighed but nodded again. She got up and headed back downstairs. She said goodbye to everyone and headed out to her car and headed home.
