Author's Note - Okay sooo... this would take place somewhere at the beginning of the season 8. And the story goes like this... Callie and Arizona are hosting some party-like thing for their friends to all together watch their wedding video.
Songs It's okay, Go solo, and For You To Be Here by Tom Rosenthal are kind of featured in... Enjoy!
They say it's matter of time
A thousand days and the sun won't shine
Before I come back to you...
Lexie didn't care that there were more than ten people in the room. She didn't care most of her friends were there. She didn't care his girlfriend was there. She didn't even care he was there… even though his eyes were probably trying to grasp some kind of reaction from her. But she didn't let him. Not like that. Not in front of everyone. One stair after another, she was practically running down, without looking back, without caring if anyone was following her or calling after her. She just had to get out of there. As quickly as possible. Just for a minute or two, just long enough to swallow the mention of her name. To try to at least understand the reason her name was even mentioned.
Although, she was pretty surprised that she actually managed to gather enough courage and inner strength to make a calm and steady exit. She just stood up, mumbled how she needed some fresh air and left. A few people didn't even make a sound. They just kept watching the video, without even realizing what happened... or rather what made her leave. They just didn't make a big deal of it. Some people knew... Meredith gave Derek a worried look and then whispered Are you okay?... concern evident in her tone, but Lexie never answered. Letting her voice out would be a good indicator of how shaken up she was. Of how not okay she was. A quick nod was the best she could do in that moment.
The next moment, in the most nonchalant way she could manage, Lexie strode out of the apartment.
It was a big deal. It was a big deal for her. It was like a revelation. Like a sudden, overwhelming, passionate, stirring revelation. Just a few seconds of looking at the TV screen and her world was turned upside down.
She would lie if she said her lips didn't curve into a bright smile the moment she saw him at the screen. In a black suit, with a white rose pinned to the silky material, his tie nicely done, and with the glass of champagne in his hand... he looked so damn handsome. Lexie could feel her heart rate accelerating, her palms sweating... from just a sight of him. But the real reason why her heart totally skipped a beat was not the way Mark Sloan looked so undeniably handsome that night. It was because of what he said.
This was supposed to be just a casual gather-up, just a simple dinner with friends and family. It wasn't supposed to make her feel so embarrassed, so caught in the place to cause her to run away like this. The atmosphere was noisy as expected, people were loudly talking, tossing comments on every little detail from the wedding. But it was only one detail had occupied her mind.
Even though she was still slightly shaken up from her last conversation with Jackson, she actually found herself smiling and laughing and having fun the whole evening. Alex was still teasing her about the throw ball action she pulled out on the baseball field a week ago. And even still bashed about it, Lexie was laughing at them anyway. Arizona offered her some amazing garlic bread that managed to light up her mood even more. Jackson was... well, distant... but still, there wasn't that terrible ache in her chest she felt a few times in the past. It didn't hurt so badly. The pain wasn't that unbearable as it was the one she felt with...
Because of this thing with you and Mark. ...Mark.
That was what Jackson told her a few days ago. According to him... there's a thing. With her and Mark. Was it really so obvious? Was the longing for other man so noticeable on her face, on her body and in her actions?
Jackson couldn't even find a better word, a better explanation, a better way to express what he really meant. He just used that simple, plain word that could mean a million things. It could literally mean a million different things. But her first reaction, was of course, that it didn't mean anything. Absolutely nothing. There was nothing going on between her and Mark.
When something's really going on, she should be aware of it, right? If there was a thing, a real thing, she should know that. She would have to know that. But there wasn't. She was living her life, and he was living his. They had nothing in between. At least, that was what Lexie thought.
There is nothing between me and Mark. And she told him so. Bluntly and honestly. Without hesitation. But Jackson was right. There is a thing. And the real truth was... she wasn't honest. Not to him, and especially not to herself.
Yeah, I've been trying really, really hard to believe that. But there is a thing. And it's not going anywhere anytime soon. He said it again. There's a thing. Just one word... one word with a million meanings. One word with a million feelings within it, with the countless number of shared kisses and warm embraces. And it's not going away anytime soon. Lexie then realized it was quite possible it would never go away. It could actually stay with her forever. And it probably will. It stayed with her even after all this time they've been apart. And it didn't decrease, it didn't fade away like she hoped it would.
It's still there. And it's still not going away.
But now, there's another thing she was apparently wrong about. It didn't stay only with her. Her name fell off his tongue with such an easiness. Without even a sign of hesitation. He just exclaimed it, he announced it. To himself and to the rest of the whole wide world to hear it. He said it with such a certainty, with such a guarantee, like he could actually see into the future... Like he knew...
The fresh and sharp scent of rain hit her the exact moment Lexie got out of the building. It felt like just another typical Seattle evening. The night sky was only aglow with bright city lights. Instinctively putting her hand over her chest, feeling her heart trumping, Lexie took a deep, long breath, the cold air filling her nostrils completely.
Her eyes were filling with tears, and she took a few steps forward, towards the street, slightly shaking her head.
There was no point in lying anymore.
Her lips broke into a smile at the same time the tears streamed down her cheeks. Quick, sharp breaths were going in and out of her lungs, as she desperately tried to calm herself down, to figure out the real meaning behind his words, to turn them into a clarity she could grasp. But the only thing that was suddenly on her mind was a reminder that she hasn't felt wonderful like this in a long time.
…
Mrs. Shepherd once told Mark about this trick. She said For when you have to make a big decision, for when you have to choose between the two things, between the two options...
It felt like one of those moments... Stay right where you are, stay with your girlfriend, and ignore what just happened. Pretend you're not affected by the shocked expression on her face, pretend it's not a big deal, pretend you're not even thinking about following her. At that moment, that was Mark's option number one.
Follow her. That was his option number two. Follow her right now. She just heard what you though she never will. She just heard her name getting out of your mouth at the question that never seem important as it is now. Well, if you had a partner, who would it be?
Mrs. Shepherd would say... Just flip the coin. It's not as stupid as it sounds. Just flip the coin and wait. But the trick is this. It's not about what it's going to land on. Head or tail. Tail or head. It's about those few seconds while the coin is in the air. In those few moments… you'll know. You'll know what you're hoping for. And that's your decision.
Three seconds.
That much it took him.
He tossed the coin in his mind and waited. And in Mark's head, those three seconds lasted even longer than they did in reality. When the first one passed, he just stared at the slammed door Lexie left behind her. After the second one, he tried to imagine everything she could possibly feel. Surprise, anger, pity? Delight? No, she definitely didn't seem delighted, did she? She looked completely stunned. He was very aware of how pale her face became when she heard his words, when she heard her name falling off his lips so easily, so surely, as if it was just a simple fact. Oh well, that's easy. Lexie Grey.
And after the third one, before Mark even knew it, he reached the door and as if it was a good enough excuse for what he was about to do, he whispered, "I just wanna make sure she's okay."
The trick had worked. And three seconds were enough for him to be sure in what he really wanted.
…
There were no words that could explain the relief that had spread through Mark's body the moment he saw her still standing in front of the building. With her back facing him, her fingers were running through her hair, and Mark could hear and notice her heavy breathing. Clearly overwhelmed and in a deep confusion, but she was still there. Cause yeah, the worst thing that he could imagine was that she actually ran away. He wouldn't be surprised, that was for sure. After what he just put her through, he could only try to imagine how startled she felt. Maybe she really was angry, after everything... when they finally managed to distance themselves from each other like she wanted... finding out it was never over for him could be a good reason to make her angry.
But that was the truth... cause how could a person really do that? How could someone say it's over... forever, to a person he's in love with?
It wasn't impossible for Mark... saying it out loud... I'm letting you go. It wasn't impossible for him to find someone else to share his bed with, it wasn't impossible for him to watch the actual person he's in love with every day, but without the right to get closer to her and to touch her and to kiss her.
It wasn't impossible for him to pretend he isn't in love with her.
But every time he would close his eyes... and imagined his life in a year, or in five years or ten or twenty... Every time he would build that perfect future picture in his head... Lexie Grey was the woman he would wake up with every morning and fall asleep every night, she was the woman who would wear a ring he picked, she was the woman he would take dancing every chance he got.
And that was the picture that occupied his mind at the wedding... that was the picture that popped up in front of his eyes the moment he had been asked that question... And when he answered in a second, without any doubt or regret, that was the moment when the realization of how they had always been meant for each other dawned on him.
He stepped out, and a cold shiver immediately ran across his skin. Already familiar with a well-know feeling, Mark looked up at the cloudy sky above him. Mark from a few years ago would bitterly huff at the possibility of rain. Mark from a few years ago would turn around the exact same second, close the door behind him, and go back to the warmth of his home. He wouldn't even think about getting out when the weather's like this. Mark from a few years ago would never ever chase some girl in a middle of the night.
But this wasn't just some girl, and he wasn't the same person he was before.
"You're okay?" Mark quietly asked, slowly approaching her, one step after another, almost like he was afraid he would scare her off by moving too fast.
He thought about reaching for her, just to touch her hair, just to touch her in some way, but he didn't know if he should. And before he could do it for real, Lexie turned around to face him and Mark felt something inside his chest clench so painfully, sad and aching.
He saw her wet cheeks, he saw the tears in her eyes, and even though she tried to wipe them, it was too obvious. And it's not like she ever knew how to hide her tears from him. Not from him.
Her expression, though, wasn't sad. She didn't look sad and low. She didn't look angry, either. Even with the tears that stung her eyes, the spark inside of them wasn't full of pain. Full of emotions, definitely. Full of surprise. But not in the bad way.
Her lips were trembling, but she still hasn't said anything. Mark let the silence between them linger as long as he could, just simply watching her, trying to make her say something with his eyes, but when the first flash painted the night, he couldn't wait any longer.
"You're crying?"
His tone was lower than he intended it to be, but he could swear Lexie let out a soft, little chuckle at his more than obvious question. Her eyes finally rose up to look at him.
"Lexie I really didn't mean to make uncom..." he tried to exclaim, to find an excuse for himself, for his actions...
"Okay... Mark, okay." Lexie immediately cut him off with a deep sigh. She licked her lips nervously and put the strand of her hair behind her ear. God, he loved when she did that. She would always do it so spontaneously, so nonchalantly, so beautifully... "Uhm... I just need to ask you one thing. One thing." she firmly emphasized those two words. "Cause if I don't... If I just ignore it, if I keep it to myself forever... I don't know if I could handle that. I don't know if I could live with it. No, I'm actually most definitely sure I wouldn't be able to. Not after tonight. So just... I need you to answer me honestly, okay? That's all." Lexie rambled in a soft whisper, biting her lip anxiously.
"Sure, anything... You can ask me anything, Lex." he answered right away, his mind so blank he couldn't even try to think about what kind of question that could be. Not being able to resist, Mark leaned in a bit closer to her, as he impatiently waited for her to continue, his heart hammering against his ribs.
He felt like time suddenly slowed down, like the seconds suddenly lasted years, and there was still nothing coming out of her mouth. Silence approached them again. Like she battled herself should she say it. Like that... what she was about to say was so earth-shattering she feared it would burn the whole city around them.
"Did you mean it?" Her lower lip trembled as she finally spoke, and his eyebrows furrowed for a second, as though in confusion. Of course, he meant it, wasn't that obvious?
Lexie cleared her throat and chose to ignore his immediate reaction, and then she continued, her voice cracking more and more as the expectation of possible rejection grew bigger and bigger. "What you said, I mean. I know it was months ago, and maybe it's too late for me to even ask this... but did you really... Did you mean it?"
As sudden as a rumble of thunder, Mark sucked in a harsh breath.
The irritation at how he avoided her question was only intensified as another thunder boomed. Lexie was intensively staring at him, and he looked like he was composing something in his head, mustering up enough courage to actually say it out loud.
Maybe she was wrong. Maybe it really wasn't a big deal. Maybe it was really too late fom them. She paused, sucking in a deep breath, and then threw her hands in the air in defeat. "Maybe we should..." her voice suddenly took a melancholic note, and she pointed back towards the door, gesturing they should just go back up and pretend this never happened.
But then Mark took a step forward and reached for her arm, stopping her. "No. No. Listen to me. I have no idea where your mind is wandering right now cause of what I said, but..."
"Mark..." she slowly shook her head. A few raindrops then fall on her face, and she wrinkled her nose in surprise and looked up. Yeah, it's definitely starting to rain.
Mark, in the other hand, didn't look up. He didn't care that raindrops splattered against his head more and more every incoming second. He just firmly repeated, "Listen to me."
"Mark..."
"Just listen to me!" He repeated again, louder, more determined.
"Mark, it's raining!" Lexie almost shouted back at him, annoyed at his recklessness, as a few drops quickly turned into a thousand, and before they even knew it, they were completely soaked.
"Exactly! It's raining. Cause it's Seattle." Mark exclaimed, his lips curving into a wide, bright smile, and he spread his arms, as if he was showing off the obvious downpour. "And you asked if I meant what I said in the video. Four years ago, I... I hated this city. I hated its guts, I hated the damn rain and moody clouds and every single thing about this place." He ran his fingers through his damp hair, while his other hand reached for hers, rubbing over it and heating her wet skin to the cold rain. "I hated this place so much. But I don't anymore."
"I... I don't understand what you're..." Lexie stuttered, narrowing her eyebrows at him, but the grin on his face hasn't disappeared.
"What I'm trying to say..." he grasped her hand tighter, "...it's something that's definitely worth standing in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain, even though we probably have a high chance of getting pneumonia... or getting hit by a thunder. But hey, it's not a big deal, it's Seattle, right?"
"I never wanted to stay in this city." Mark admitted with a soft sigh, the rainwater sluicing over his skin in small rivulets. "I thought... after getting things right with Derek, I'll just go back to New York or move somewhere where it's sunny every day, where there's a beach in my backyard, where storms don't come out of nowhere... like this."
Without even thinking about, or asking himself should he do it or not, his palm reached for her cheek. "I stayed in Seattle because of you." His thumb gently rubbed over her skin, and Lexie couldn't help but to lean in against his palm. She almost had to verbally remind herself... yes, this is real. His touch and words and everything. This was really happening.
"I fell in love with this city because I fell in love with you. That's the truth. But the thing is... I don't know if I should say anything more... cause if I do, I wouldn't be able to resist kissing you and..."
As if she fell in overwhelming sensation, hearing his words, Lexie slowly closed her eyes, and taking a quick step forward, she closed the almost non-existing distance between them and softly pressed her lips against his, her hands grabbing his shoulders. She didn't care what he wanted to say next. She didn't care that her shoes kept filling up with rainwater, she didn't care that her hair was dripping. She didn't care his shirt was completely wet when her hands reached for him. All she cared about, all she was aware of… was the way his lips immediately kissed hers back, the way his other hand gently cupped the back of her neck… She found herself drowning in his arms, in his embrace, no matter how familiar it was.
When a soft moan escaped her mouth, Mark grinned, smiling against her lips, and kissed her harder in response, his lips desperate for hers. He missed this so badly. Having her in his arms, kissing her, touching her, holding her like this. And then, he felt it again. That indescribable feeling. He felt it in every corner of his heart, over every inch of his skin, in every nerve and vein running throughout his body, in every place that no one had ever been able to reach and touch except her.
That only made him hold her tighter, as the rain kept wildly drumming over the streets of Seattle.
Give me every person
in the whole wide world
and I'll pick you out in a second, girl...
Always happy to hear your thoughts... Hope you enjoyed!
