"You're telling me that you slept with your forty-one year old foster mother?" Beau asks. Jasper bows his head.
"Yeah."
"How the hell does that happen?"
"Well," Jasper sighs and takes a deep breath. He can't bring himself to look at Beau, so he switches his focus to the stars in the sky. Before he continues, he thinks back to how he and Avery would stargaze in their hammock. He latches onto the comfort that memory brings as he retells the worst choice he's ever made. "Rosalie was fifteen, and I was thirteen when we were placed in Maria's home."
"Did this start when you were thirteen?" Beau questions with a gasp. Jasper answers with a grave nod.
"She started giving me extra privileges and stuff. Like, she would give me some pocket money or drive me down to the gas station to get a soda. Rosalie and I were the oldest of the other kids there. The little kids would whine and complain that they didn't get the same things that I got, and Maria would tell them it was because I was different." Jasper explains. His voice shakes just slightly, so he pauses and forces himself to take a calming breath. "And then she'd put me in charge of the little kids while she left the house. She would come home with something special for me and tell me I did a great job. She'd send everyone to bed but would tell me to sneak out of the bedroom once everyone else was asleep. She'd let me pick what we watched on TV and she'd make one big bowl of ice cream with two spoons and we'd share it."
"She was grooming you." Carlisle mutters. He watches Jasper intensely, and his stomach sinks and twists as he hears the details. He imagines what Jasper would have looked like two years ago. Shorter, more boyish, probably. Maybe thirteen-year-old Jasper was even chubby cheeked and with a naive glint in his eye. Or was Jasper already walking around with a chip on his shoulder and a scowl on his face at that age? Either way, he was still a boy, a child too young to consent to such a relationship or fight against such devious psychological games.
"But then it shifted. I started to mess up. I mean, she started to manipulate me more." Jasper's voice grows grimmer as he corrects himself. As much as he hated the idea of going to therapy, he does have to admit that he likes how Mr. Grant talks him through the past. It wasn't that Jasper started missing Maria's high expectations; it was that she started to manipulate him more once she gained his trust and secured her access to him. "She would yell at me when the little kids would bother her, or if I didn't have the house clean or dinner made. Then, when I would sneak out of the bedroom, she would do this thing that was like a fake apology or something. She'd say she didn't like yelling at me, but I made her do that. She made it seem like it was really my fault, so I would end up apologizing to her and then she'd reward me with something special again. And then…"
Jasper hesitates and looks between Carlisle and Beau for just a split second. Other than the blue light from the bug zapping lamp hanging from the side of the porch, it's dark and the three people in the rocking chairs can only see a dull outline of each other. It makes it slightly easier for Jasper to unload the story.
"She walked in while I was showering." He continues. "First, she acted like it was an accident. She didn't see anything. I was still behind the shower curtain. She apologized and said she just needed to grab her makeup. She took the makeup and left. But then it happened again just a few days later. She walked in again as soon as I turned the water to the shower off. She said it was another accident, and that she needed to brush her teeth. She stayed in the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She told me to just come out and get dressed while she brushed her teeth and she promised not to look."
"And you were thirteen?" Beau double checks.
"Yes. But she did look. I caught her watching me. It was a little bathroom. With the two of us in there, I barely had enough room to get dressed without bumping into her. The next day she came home and gave me a package of these silk boxers and she kept making comments about how she loves silk. So I wore them. When I snuck out of the bedroom that night, she was mad because my school called about me not turning in my homework. She yelled at me and slapped me across the face. I started to cry, and she told me to go shower and clean myself up. As soon as I started the water, she walked into the bathroom again. I was completely naked. She had hidden a doorstop under the sink beforehand and wedged it under the door so no one else could walk in. She said she didn't like when she had to hit me, but I left her no choice. She said she could make me feel good, though, and she undressed and got in the shower with me."
Jasper shutters as he recalls that night. Maria had him wrapped around her finger. He was so desperate for her approval, to feel love and accepted by her, that he would have let her do anything she wanted.
Beau's face twists into a raging scowl. He takes another chug of his beer. When he thinks of young Jasper, he pictures the little short-stack with blond hair and exciting green eyes who was typically covered in dirt and sweat, with a toothy smile and a vibrant laugh. How dare someone take advantage of his Jazzy boy.
Carlisle clenches his fists as hard as he can. He's heard this before when Jasper had to tell the full story to the lawyer, but it still makes him so angry that he could spit.
"After the shower, she told me to come into her bedroom. From that night on, she let me sleep in her bed with her. She would make me stay in the kid's bedroom until everyone else fell asleep, then sneak into bed with her, and then go back into the kid's bedroom before any of them woke up. Eventually I would just stay up later than the others and wake up earlier, so I didn't have to sneak back and forth between rooms." Jasper concludes. "She'd tell me that she loved me, and that she needed me. Our relationship evolved from there. Rosalie was suspicious, but I never admitted anything to her. Just before we came to the Cullen's house, Rose saw me kiss Maria. We didn't know she saw. She confronted Maria and told her to call our social worker and have us moved to a different house, or she would tell about our relationship. So, Maria sent us off."
"Good." Beau gruffly says.
"But I didn't know why she sent us off, so I kept texting her. She wouldn't respond until I sent her a nude photo of me. After that, she would call and text me. She'd send me pictures of her, too." Jasper sighs. He's gone this far. He might as well let Beau know everything. "Then, I started dating Alice, but I was still hung up on Maria. One night, I snuck over to Alice's bedroom, and—"
"You did what?" Carlisle interrupts. Jasper pierces his lips together in a tight line.
"I forgot you didn't know about that." Jasper says sheepishly. "It was the night before Emmett and I skipped school."
Carlisle sighs, but after everything Jasper has done, he really isn't surprised.
"I snuck over, and after we hung out a little, I was feeling guilty and I told her that I was dating someone else from my old foster home."
"Did Alice know about Maria?" Carlisle asks.
"She didn't know much. I told her it was just another girl that I was dating. She was so mad. She kicked me out in just my jeans and socks. Anyways, the next day, Emmett and I skipped school."
"Emmett is the oldest boy, right?" Beau asks as he leans towards Jasper.
"Yeah. I don't really call him my brother because he and Rose are all into each other, and it'd just be weird if I called him that. I guess he's more like my brother-in-law. He has a Jeep, and Carlisle gave him his credit card to fill the tank. We took the Jeep mudding. When we got home, Emmett gave me the credit card to give to Carlisle because he had to get all the snow and weeds out from under the wheel well. Alice text Carlisle, asking why we weren't at school, so as soon as I walked in Carlisle yelled for us. Emmett told him he dropped out, so I got sent to my room while he and Emmett talked."
Carlisle shakes his head. He hates thinking about that day.
"I never gave Carlisle the card back. Instead, the next day I skipped school again, got a cab and met Maria at a hotel room and paid for it all with the credit card." Jasper sighs. "They realized I was gone with the card, then they tracked me down and caught me red handed in the hotel room with Maria. God, she was so pissed. I told her about the card and she called me a stupid fuck and smacked the shit out of me. I tried to explain to her that I could get a job and support us and that we could live together and we could follow Rosalie to whatever city she went to college in. Maria was pissed, though, and told me it wouldn't happen. She said Rosalie knew about us and that's why we had to move to the Cullen's house. Then, she called said all the foster kids were nothing but a check," Jasper takes in a shaky breath. He's over Maria. She doesn't have any more control over him, but her words still sting. "And that I was just an easy fuck."
Beau sucks in a shallow breath. Carlisle grits his teeth.
"Psycho bitch," Beau grumbles.
"So, that triggered all kinds of ridiculous stuff. It turned everything upside down." Jasper sighs. "Rosalie was so mad at me. Alice was pissed. Edward and I couldn't get along. Carlisle and Esme were so stressed. Emmett moved out."
"He didn't move out because of you," Carlisle corrects him.
"I know. But everything else was my fault." Jasper mutters. "Edward and I had one really big fight. I left my boots in the middle of our bedroom, and he kicked them. We were yelling at each other, and I grabbed him by the neck. Carlisle pulled me off of him."
"Jasper," Beau scolds. Jasper just nods solemnly. He knows he fucked up.
"But we're good now. I moved into Emmett's room, and our whole house goes to therapy now. It's really helped. But then Mom had a seizure, and I was the only one home. I saw her go down. She hit her head and bled all over. I had to call an ambulance. That was super scary."
"You did everything right that day," reminds Carlisle.
"Stress can trigger seizures. Ever seizure she's had since I've lived there has been my fault."
"You can't blame yourself for that," Carlisle interjects again, then looks to Beau. "Jasper has learned a lot about Esme's disorder. He really watches out for her."
"Atta boy," Beau changes his tone quickly to one of pride. Jasper smiles.
"Things are getting better now, though. I was super freaked out about AJ. Well, you know about that, Uncle Beau," Jasper chuckles, then turns towards Carlisle. "He really ripped into me about not prepping for AJ."
"You needed a kick in the pants to get you moving." Beau says.
"It was exactly what you needed." Carlisle agrees.
"But now I'm all ready for AJ. Everyone is getting along well. Alice and I are back together and stronger than ever. You know, I really thought Maria was the one. Looking back, it's clear that I never meant anything to her." He speaks quietly, but freely. Carlisle listens with surprise. "She had me thinking that I was an essential part of her life, like she couldn't live without me. She didn't need me. She used me to make her life easier. I seriously thought that was love. But Alice," Jasper chuckles. "She's different. Even when she was angry with me, she never treated me like Maria did."
"She is a special young lady." Carlisle nods.
"I can't quiet put my finger on the difference, but even when she was angry with me, there was always a spark around us. I really love her."
"Make sure you treat her right, Jazzy boy." Beau advises the teen.
"I am, and I always will."
"Now that you've shared with me about your teenage years, tell me about Joann. What happened once you guys moved away from Texas?"
"Well," Jasper sighs again as his stomach twists. "We could only take what would fit in the trunk of the car. We drove from Texas to Washington all in one go. We didn't stop at a hotel or anything."
"You're telling me that your mother didn't sleep at all while driving you kids?" Beau asks.
"Not once," Jasper shakes his head. "We didn't have an apartment right away either, so we slept in the car for a few nights, and then a cop saw us in the middle of the night in the playground parking lot. He took us to a Salvation Army homeless shelter. We were only there for a short time, though, because the shelter found out that Mom had all of Daddy's life insurance money and took her to an apartment complex and helped her with the application paperwork. We got a two-bedroom apartment. Rosalie and I shared a room. We weren't allowed to talk about Daddy. She enrolled us in school, but we never went because she told the school she would drive us and we didn't need the bus to stop for us. She never took us. A month into it, she got depressed again and locked herself in her bedroom. She wouldn't make us food, so Rosalie would take her debit card and would walk down to the gas station to get us something to eat. She left one day, and I stayed at home." Jasper takes in a shaky breath. Beau sits on the edge of his seat. "Mom had Daddy's handgun, and she shot herself in the head."
"You were home." Beau states sadly.
"I was home." Jasper confirms. "I heard it."
Carlisle's stomach sinks even further, and suddenly he's filled with guilt. He's given this kid so much trouble, has nitpicked everything he's done. He's rolled his eyes when Jasper responded to something with raging emotion, yelled back when Jasper had a meltdown, and lost his temper when the boy would have done better with a calm, compassionate approach. He's gone through so much.
Jasper sniffs, and Carlisle reaches out to put a supportive hand on Jasper's knee. After the contact has been made, Carlisle mentally scolds himself. He's sure Jasper isn't going to accept this support from him. He's the last person Jasper wants to be vulnerable around.
That's why he's so shocked when Jasper clasps his hand over Carlisle's.
"I did exactly what Daddy told me to do if I thought Mom hurt herself. I called 911, but I was so panicky that I told them our Texas address. The 911 operator was really kind and he stayed on the line with me. Other people in the complex heard the gunshot and called 911, so they gave the right address."
"He told you what to do if she hurt herself?" Carlisle asks. Jasper nods speedily, then verbalizes a yes when he realizes that Carlisle probably can't see his head nodding in the dark. "Did she hurt herself in the past?"
"She used to cut herself," Beau answers curtly.
"I don't remember that." Jasper mutters.
"That's because your dad never let you see it. He would bring you kids to my house before she got to that point."
"Daddy would talk to us about what to do if someone got hurt, but it always turned into him talking about Mom specifically. I called 911, I didn't go into her room, and I let the police and EMT's in. Just like Daddy told me." Jasper says. Tears roll down his face again as he thinks back to that awful day. The deeper into the memory he falls, the younger he feels. He looks over to Carlisle. "It was kinda like when Esme had her seizure."
"You did everything right," Carlisle reassures again, but this time he's speaking of both situations.
"Within two months, Daddy died, Mom moved us two thousand miles away from everyone and everything we knew, we were homeless, and Mom killed herself."
Beau huffs and grunts and groans his displeasure as Jasper speaks. Carlisle squeezes Jasper knee.
"And then me and Rosie spent the night in our first foster home. It was an old couple. I don't remember their names, but I remember they let Rosalie and I sleep in the same bed. She made us apple fritters for breakfast. They had told the social worker they were done, but when they heard about Rosalie and I, they said they would take us for a week because there was no one else to go. I always thought that was kinda interesting; we were their last foster kids, but they were our first foster parents." Jasper forces a little chuckle.
"How many foster homes have you been in?" Uncle Beau asks.
"Hmm," Jasper taps his chin as he tries to recall every home. "Well, the old couple, then the Schrader's. Then the Gulley's. After the Gulley's, I had to go to a group home and Rosalie went to a family."
"They separated you two?" Beau huffs again.
"Yeah. That was awful. They moved me from the group home to the Crespo's house because the Crespo's lived close to the house Rose was in and it put Rosalie and I in the same school district, but opposite sides of the city. We were separated for six months. I really struggled without Rose. She was still with that family, but I got pulled from the Crespo's to the Hiller's, and then to the Barbosa's. They finally pulled us both and put us in the Carson's home. Things were better there because we were together. Then it was the Randall's for a short while, and then the Gibb's house. After Gibb's, we went to the Smith's, then Maria's. We spent two years with Maria. That's the longest we were ever in a home."
"I can't believe they were allowed to separate you two." Beau shakes his head.
"I made it really hard on my foster families when I was separated from Rose. Dad wouldn't have been proud of me," Jasper discloses.
"Is that when you bit your therapist?" Carlisle asks sincerely, but it causes Jasper to bust out laughing.
"Did Rosalie tell you that?"
"Yeah," Carlisle cracks a smile, thankful for a break in the heavy mood.
"Yeah, that is when I bit the therapist."
"You bit a therapist?" Beau looks for clearification.
"I did. To be fair, I told my foster parents that I didn't like that guy. Biting him was the only way out." Jasper's laugh dies to a lively chuckle, then a sad exhale. "I did a lot of things that weren't very good. Daddy wouldn't be happy with me."
"He would have understood." Beau promises.
Jasper looks back to the stars. What a weird, wild day it has been. The ups and downs makes it feel like it's been more than twenty0four hours.
Jasper shares little stories from different foster homes, like when he would hide treats in a shoebox under his bed at the Crespo's house, or when he convinced the youngest child in the Barbosa's home that he was a werewolf who transformed every full moon unless the youngest child paid him five dollars. Beau and Carlisle try to laugh along with Jasper, but the trauma Jasper has shared weighs heavy on their mind.
Soon, it's two in the morning and the trio decide it's time to go to bed. Carlisle and Jasper retire to the guest room. Jasper settles onto the air mattress, and Carlisle lays in the bed.
"Hey, Carlisle?" Jasper says.
"Yeah?"
"I really am sorry for how I spoke to you."
"Don't worry about it. I know you were stressed."
"What do you think about AJ calling you Papa? Do you like that name?"
"I love it, Jasper."
Please review and let me know what you think!
