*Warning: This chapter may contain trigger*
They told me once "There's a place where love conquers all"
A city with the streets full of milk and honey
I haven't found it yet, but I'm still searching
All I know is a hopeless place that flows with the blood of my kin
Perhaps hopeless isn't a place
Nothing but a state of mind
They told me once "Don't trust the moon, she's always changing"
The shores bend and break for her
And she begs to be loved
But nothing here is as it seems
Nothing here is as it seems
Good mourning, Halsey
Getting all the food into the factionless sector was complicated enough in itself, facing not only all my former friends but also my ex and the man whose room I occupied, the one who was present at the worst moment of my life, was pure torture.
Just to my luck, it was the turn of the dauntless initiates to watch over the abnegation handing out food, even the transfers were here. After a mere two weeks of training, I wouldn't hand them a knife and certainly no semi-automatic weapon. But knowing Eric, he´d gotten bored with their training program and decided to change it up a little. For a man who prided himself in thinking rationally, his temper was awfully active while making rash decisions. This was certainly one of them.
The man himself, of course, wasn't here, either too busy with paperwork or not interested in playing babysitter. But maybe he just stayed home to enjoy the company of one of the women he taunted me with. I knew I had left him and that it was my own fault but crawling into the bed of the next best dauntless not even seven days after he brought up marriage… felt like someone turning the dagger in my chest, only pushing deeper.
For him I had stopped existing the night I send him away and like it seemed, my friends shared this sentiment.
Ever since I walked into the hall where the majority of the factionless lived, every time I handed out a package with food, I could feel their stares on me, drilling into my body, taking in my new appearance, judging me.
Macy hadn't spared my one glance after recognizing me, instead turning away to walk over where my brother stood, getting up onto the tips of her toes to whisper something into his ear. Turning his head, Aiden´s gaze met mine with a coldness that managed to freeze the blood in my veins but instead of averting my eyes, I waited until he looked away, disgust written all over his expression.
Feeling my stomach fall, I refused to let my emotions shine through, using one of the first lections Marcus had taught me over dinner, that letting your own feeling hinder your ability to help others was utterly selfish. And if I wanted to prevail in my new faction, at least until I had accomplished what I came here for, I would have to play my part.
Pushing every feeling away, I walked right past the others, ignoring the lingering stare from a dark-haired transfer that rubbed me the wrong way. Arriving in the darkest corner, it wasn't hard to make out the form of the soldier that I had met back in abnegation. He nodded as a greeting and came forwards, accepting the envelope with the numbers I had copied from Marcus´ folders that I pulled from my dress.
"Good job." He told me quietly, giving me a tight smile before he left, unceremoniously pocketing the only thing I had accomplished so far before he disappeared between the other members. I watched him leave, sighing as I realized that I better get going. The last thing I wanted was another lecture from Marcus that would only make me feel worse about my current situation because there was nothing I could do to change it.
With the care package in hand, I searched my surroundings after someone I could give it to, my gaze falling on a familiar face. My lips curled up into a grin, I approached the girl who would fit right into the rows of the initiates, her tattered clothes replaced by my old uniform.
She saw me approach and gave me a small smirk, taking the food I handed her.
"You look almost as good in that as I did… Almost."
"Uhh, a stiff with humor." Wiggling her eyebrows at me, she pulled the piece of bread from the bag and took a large bite, chewing fast. It was obvious she was hungry but I refrained from letting shine through any of the pity I felt, sensing she was just like me, someone who detested showing any weakness.
"What can I say, I´m unique." I joked, chuckling quietly which made her laugh too. All the while making sure I wouldn't stand out. Furrowing my brows, I realized I didn't even know what to call her. "What´s your name?"
She stopped chewing and threw me a wary look, almost as if she couldn't believe I would be interested. Knowing that I was raised in dauntless and how they treated factionless, I couldn't blame her for being suspicious. After contemplating carefully for a few moments, she finally spoke up. "Luna…. My name´s Luna."
"It´s nice to meet you, I´m Casey."
"Likewise." Giving me a tight smile, Luna waved her bag at me. "I have to get going… finding a warm, dry place to spend the night. Thanks for the food."
"You´re welcome," I answered, giving her a last smile before I went back to the basket, giving out care packages to more factionless. Most of them were nice, even telling me 'thank you', something I had never encountered while wearing black. Obviously, there was more to being abnegation than I had realized.
I was just done giving food to an older man when I spotted the familiar form of Four patrolling the perimeter. He turned around and I inhaled sharply, the state his face was in deeply unsettling. His left eye was discolored, almost black from the force a fist had met his nose, scraps covering his lips and the space above his eyebrows. He looked like he had taken a good beating and I knew only one person that was able to inflict this much damage.
Turning my head towards the figure that appeared by my side, I questioned quietly.
"What the hell happened to him?"
"You already know." Uriah heaved a sigh, folding his arms over his chest. "Eric saw the tape where Four asked you to come with him on the evening before choosing… the next day you deflected and he is hell-bent that he had a hand in it." Hesitating a moment, he added quietly. "Did he?"
"Of course not." Shaking my head, I met Four´s inquisitive gaze and averted my eyes. "I had my reasons…"
"I guess so…" Uriah answered, giving me a small smile, bumping into my shoulder when I didn't retaliate it. "You know, I´m sorry about what I said on the roof… about abnegation having no skills, that was stupid…"
This time I laughed, rolling my eyes at him. "By now you should know I´m not resentful. Don´t worry, you weren't all wrong…" We were both quiet for a few moments until his name was called and we turned around, Macy calling him over with a scowl on her face, even Aiden was watching the two of us with narrowed eyes. Sighing Uriah, scrunched up his face.
"Guess I´ll have to go… I just wanted to say that you know how to rock the grey look, baggy and all that." He gave me a wink and a smirk while walking backward to my brother who refused to acknowledge me as a part of his family. Macy immediately started whispering furiously, pulling him further away from me.
I watched them with a sinking feeling, the last piece of friendliness I was surrounded with leaving with Uriah.
Sensing Marcus´ stare on me, I went back to work, taking one of the spare blankets to hand to a young mother and her child waiting for her turn but before I reached her someone stepped in front of me, blocking my way.
I stayed silent, waiting for the dauntless to step out of my way but he didn't move. Slowly trailing my eyes upwards, I meet the stare of the same transfer that had been staring at me before with that provocative expression on his face, his crooked nose broken at least once, brown hair falling onto his forehead. The obligatory weapon in hands he was looking down at me, cocking his head and I immediately knew he thought he was better than me, that I, just because I was wearing grey was less than dirt in his shoes.
I knew it because it was the same one Eric spared all the people he deemed to be beneath him. And I fucking hated it.
"Aren´t you the one from dauntless?" He asked, feigning ignorance. "Casey, right?"
"I am." Forcing a smile on my face, I meet his gaze head on. If he thought he could intimidate me with that thing in his hand, I was sure he had no idea how to handle, he was wrong. And if he came to mess with me he´d chosen the wrong one. "What can I help you with?"
"I was just curious…" The smile on his face was acid. "How does it feel?" When furrowed my brows, he specified his question. "I mean deflecting from dauntless must have been hard. From what I heard most will never speak to their families again, they´re considered traitors…"
"Faction before Blood, isn't it?" I answered, refusing to show him he had just managed to hit the sore spot. First survival rule in dauntless you´ll ever learn: never show weakness. Second one: play them. "But aren't you a transfer, too? You should know what it means. Now, if that´s all I have things to do –"
I went to take a step past him but he cut me off again. Glaring up at him, the smile tugging up his lips contradicted the expression in his eyes.
This one, I realized, was the kind that would do everything to strive in dauntless without honoring our values. A perfect fit for Max´s new regime.
"Not at all." Sighing, he took a step closer, getting into my personal space. "I also heard you were living with Marcus Eaton… as well as rumors about you and Eric… seems you have an affinity for leaders. So my question, you only let leaders take a look beneath that rug?"
His audacity had me exhale heavily and I stared at him for a moment before a too sweet smile took over my face and I stepped forward, my face only inches away from his chest. Looking up into his deep brown eyes, I let the desire of manslaughter shine through, my voice like honey. "Get out of my fucking way."
"What if I don't?" He asked, making the mistake of stepping forward instead of slowly backing away with his tails between his legs, even swatting the blanket from my hands. With a gritted jaw, I looked from the cloth of fabric on the floor back towards him, my mind made up. Dauntless number three: Never pick a fight with someone that will crush you.
"What if I´d like to see what stiffs wear beneath those bags? I heard –"
Sadly, I´d never find out what exactly he heard about grey´s because in the next second I had ripped the rifle from his hands and brought the heel up, sending it right into his nose that cracked with a satisfying sound, immediately starting to gush rivers of blood before sending him to the floor with one placed kick to his knees.
While the foolish transfer cried out in pain, I dissembled the weapon with skilled hands, letting the parts fall onto the floor beside him.
Bending done until my face was right above his and he stared at me through teary eyes, I gave him another award-winning smile and a reminder he should take to heart if he wanted to survive in the compound.
"Never challenge someone you don´t stand a chance against, idiot."
Straightening up, I smirked, satisfied that I had taught him a lesson he wouldn't forget but the smile slowly vanished from my face as I found everyone staring at me in various stages of shock. My fellow initiates were staring at me as if I was the devil incarnate, my stomach falling with every disapproving gaze one of the members in grey send my way while the dauntless understood my reasoning. At least most.
Slowly shaking his head at me, my brother left the room followed by the one I had once called my best friends. Only Uriah, Lynn and surprisingly Luna had to suppress their smiles while some of his fellow transfers wore satisfying expressions that only fueled my former assumptions: he was an asshole.
Slowly turning my head, I met Four´s deep blue eyes, his expression saying more than a thousand words. What the hell were you thinking?
Well, I wasn´t… Widening my eyes, my nonverbal answer had him shake his head but the slightly disappointed expression was suddenly replaced by hardness as he stared past me, his blue eyes cold. I had no chance to turn my head and see what had elicited the change in him before I was grabbed by my upper arm and roughly pulled away, fingernails biting into my skin. Startled, I couldn't stop the small gasp from leaving my mouth while violently being lead out of the hall by Marcus who was staring straight ahead with his jaw clenched, the jugular on his neck throbbing furiously. Looking back, the last thing I saw was Four who had taken a step forward, staring after the two of us with an expression akin to panic, fists clenched at his side.
Knowing that this was his father and he knew him best, as well as never having seen Four wear an expression like that, I knew I had fucked up. Badly.
"Marcus, I –"
"QUIET!" He bellowed, giving me a glare that had the blood in my veins freeze. "That was strike three."
The door met the wall with a bang as I was thrown into my room, the ribs of my upper right side colliding with the wooden frame of the bed in an explosion of pain, the force taking my breath away. I had taken enough blows in my life to know he had just cracked one.
Rolling myself away, I landed on the arm Marcus hadn´t let go once, suppressing the blood flow with his viselike grip, harshly panting for air. I hoped he would have taken enough satisfaction, hurting me like this but when I looked up at him through blurry eyes all I found was unadulterated rage staring back at me.
"I´m sorry, Marcus. I –" I attempted to address the issue somewhat calmly but he was long gone.
"Shut up!" He screamed, his face turning red. While I recoiled, hitting my head against the frame behind me, Marcus was frozen in the middle of the room with his fists balled and eyes closed, struggling to retain his composure. My hands started shaking.
"Do you know what you just did? Out there?" Marcus ground out through gritted teeth, his face turning red in rage as he pointed with his arm towards the window. Shaking my head, because for the first time in my life I was too terrified to speak out loud, I pressed myself tighter against the wooden frame when he took a step closer.
Pacing the room, Marcus pulled on his hair like I had seen it Four doing a thousand times but the two men, I realized, were as different as night and day but all I could do is watch him talking himself further into his rage.
"You compromised not only yourself with your foolishly violent behavior, you made me look like a fool in front of these savages! They already think bad enough of my faction as it is but as soon as they hear about your infraction, the infraction of the girl I have selflessly taken into my own home, my four walls, to teach how to act as one of us they will think of me as nothing but a good-for-nothing blighter that is unable to lead a faction, nevertheless the government of our city!"
The maniacal glint in his eyes made the ball of anxiety in my stomach curl even tighter, making it harder it to breathe than it already was after the hit I took. Maybe I should have interrupted him, tried to calm him down instead of cowering away from him but the paralyzing fear inside my brain made it impossible to form a coherent thought that had nothing to do with the urge to flee the room, the house and maybe even the faction itself. Marcus continued his tirade as if I was invisible. Oh, how I wished I was…
"You made me look like an incompetent idiot in front of my good-for-nothing son that abandoned me the first chance he got, you ridiculed me in the worst way possible! He is the reason those rumors started, the reason why Matthews thinks she can take over everything I worked for my whole life!
I came here with nothing and I made this faction what it is: the real government of our city, not just one that is controlled by the likes of those blue snobs or black boneheads. Me, it was all ME!"
Suddenly he started laughing, a short, breathless, insane laugh that made me realize what he really was: a megalomaniac who had been trusted to lead our government.
Marcus Eaton was insane through and through.
I had to get out of here before he killed me.
"Yes… I´m the one who made Abnegation what it is today. Not Brewster, the old bitch, not Prior with his self-righteous wife and traitor children, it was all me!"
Using the moment, he was farthest away with his pacing, I scrambled off the floor and made a jump to the door. "No, you don´t!"
My hand touched the doorknob when I was grabbed from behind and with immense force thrown through the room, landing with my back on the mattress but continued rolling until my sore shoulder and my head hit the wall.
Dazed, I tried to roll myself away while the whole room was blurring but was pulled back by my ankle. Feeling him strip the shoes from my feet, I kicked back but Marcus was too strong, pinning them to the bed while he started bunching my dress up.
The adrenalin flooding my veins had me fighting back despite my spinning head, there was no way I would let him defile me in such a vile way, not while I was still conscious.
I managed to plant my foot in his abdomen and shove him away from me, I even managed to get off the bed but Marcus once again pulled me back, using the fact that I was standing to rip the dress over my head. Instead of pulling it down my arms too, he twisted it in front of my body and threw me back onto the bed, my face landing in the flat pillow.
Lying on my bound hands I had no leverage to get away and Marcus used this, keeping me pinned to the bed with his knee in my back.
"People like you," Marcus grunted, panting harshly. "or my son, you're just so ungrateful! After all that I´ve done for you, this is how you repay me? With shame and humiliation, just like he did… or his mother, the dumb cunt! Coming into my house, into my bed just to tell me what I couldn't do!
There was only ever one way to put people like you in your place."
Hearing his belt buckle, I helplessly sobbed into my pillow knowing there was nothing preventing him from exposing me completely, to use me any way he wanted. We were alone and no one would hear me screaming…
Dauntless never give up, but I wasn't dauntless anymore… was I?
But instead of pulling down my underwear, he pulled my whole body down until I was kneeling on the floor, my torso on top of the bed, keeping me there with a hand between my shoulder blades.
"Yes, there was only ever one way…" He muttered, suddenly awfully calm. It had my heart race in my chest. "Just remember: This is for your own good."
I heard the whipping of the belt a second before the impact and the pain to register in my brain took even longer but when it did, I couldn't help but scream out in sheer agony, having never felt pain like this in all my life.
But Marcus didn't leave it with one hit.
Over and over again the leather met the until now flawless skin on my back, splitting the uppermost layer until I felt liquid running down my sides that were violently heaving, trying to breathe through the pain that paralyzed my whole body. I thought the pain couldn't get worse but once again he proved me wrong as he shifted the belt after an especially vicious hit and suddenly it wasn't just leather anymore but metal that had me seeing stars, so severe was the agony that I was on the verge of passing out. I wished I did.
I couldn't contain the ear shattering scream that had him strikes out an extra two times just to prove a point.
The noise of metal hitting wood as the belt hit the floor was almost lost to my ringing ears, all I could think about was the anguish consuming me whole.
"Clean yourself up. Stupid bitch…" Marcus spat before his footsteps leaving the room were heard, followed by the door being closed shut. Not able to move, I could just pull my arms from the dress and slide down to the floor in some state of shock that was numbing my brain. The pain was still there, was still all-consuming but my brain must have hit the preserve button, leading me into a corner of my mind where the reality was far away, my eyes unfocused staring at the grey wall that hid my suffering from all the prying eyes.
If just Eric was here… he´d know what to do…
Images of the two of us flitted through my mind like a movie on repeat and I let them pull me away, distract me from the harsh reality that my life had become.
I stayed curled up for a long time, the kisses from the belt on my skin spilling blood that was slowly running down my body was almost not felt over the searing pain the metal buckle had caused, leaving a deep incision in my flesh. Staring at the grey wall, all I saw was Marcus enraged and Four´s frightened face. Did his father do this to him too? For over eighteen years…?
He never told anyone, he was brave and stubborn and survived, lived through this hell on earth. I wasn't sure if I could do that, could survive another whipping like this. If I wouldn't get out of this house after initiation, I was done for.
This would be my undoing.
The bench we girls all were perched on was uncomfortable and hard against my still tender skin. Head angled down in respect the other initiates and I were all waiting for one of the elders to get up onto the small stage in the middle of the room that was specifically for this occasion, the reading of the manifesto to mark the end of our initiation.
The last two weeks have been hell for me. After spending the whole night on the cold floor, I had been able to drag myself into the shower, the warm water burning like acid on my skin. Opening the cabinet, I had realized for the first time what the disinfection agent was for and had used my left arm, the one I could still raise to pour it down my back, stifling my screams with a towel.
Of course, I wasn't excused from my duties, it would have raised too many questions but Marcus had me do paperwork and other stuff I could do while sitting down. I knew for a fact he did not do it out of nicety but to save his own ass.
It would have been my duty to report it, to make sure Marcus would serve his lifetime in the factionless area but the duty towards my old faction was so much more important. Because my sense of righteousness had me stay silent… as well as my own shame.
All my life, I had been trained to defend myself, to inflict the person that wanted to harm me unimaginable pain, it would have been my whole life if I had stayed in dauntless. But I failed miserably, shamefully.
I was a coward.
It had been so easy, breaking the transfers nose even though he was at least double my weight and physically in his prime. So why couldn't I handle an old man that was out of breath arriving on top of the stairs?
No, if this ever became public the future I hoped for at dauntless would be gone forever. There was a reason Four never spoke of it. Because he knew what the members would have whispered behind his back. He wouldn't be the prodigy, he´d be just a weak little boy.
He just knew…
People like Eric and my brother would have made fun of him, they already did. And I… I would have seen nothing wrong with it. After all Eric´s opinion had been my religion, I would have defended it with claw and tooth until I felt they had suffered enough for their blasphemies. But now, I knew that Eric had been wrong, that I had been wrong and I wanted nothing more than to tell Four how sorry I was. Even if he didn't care, it was important to me. Maybe I would find a way…
A movement in the middle of the room pulled me from my thoughts and I looked up to see one of the oldest members, an eighty-year-old man I had done the laundry for last week, scrubbing until the scab split open again, discoloring the nth pair of cotton bandages, step up onto the stage, helped by another member. Taking a seat on the chair that had been placed there for him, he was handed the paper that held the manifesto, squinting his eyes to recognize the letters that must have been blurring with the way his hand shook.
Having the oldest, and most certainly slowest, person of whole Abnegation reciting the words was somewhat fitting, the prospect of our whole life welcoming us with his brittle voice, like nails on a chalkboard.
Another figure stepped up towards him and I immediately averted my eyes, just getting a glimpse at Marcus´ patronizing smile as he gazed down towards his people, hands folded in front of his pouch. Living with him has been an ongoing nightmare I couldn't wake up from. Not being able to relax because I walked around the house on tiptoes, always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Marcus to lose it like he did that day, kept me in a constant state of anxiety. I wasn't able to sleep properly knowing he was just down the hall, that there was nothing that would stop him from coming into my room and take it even further than last time. I also couldn't eat and what little I managed to get down made a reappearance whenever the distant sound of leather splitting flesh rose in my ears.
Until a few days ago, I was successful in hiding it but Natalie found me in the bathroom and the caring woman she was, ordered me to go to the doctor. Letting him take an extensive blood sample while refusing to undress me with the excuse of being not comfortable being close to naked around men, he found that nothing was wrong with me.
Except for one thing…
"We are all gathered here today," Marcus spoke up, immediately drawing the attention of everyone inside the room onto him with his charismatic voice that was pleasant to all of them, except me. I had seen the monster in him that could never be unseen again. "to celebrate the end of initiation, to welcome our initiates as members of our society. So that we shall thrive and prosper under their fresh, watchful gazes. That their hands that have yet to contribute their part to our community shall not be idle, but always lending, helping. That our new members shall be the epitome of our values, of selflessness, of self-denial.
Welcome them as fully-functioning members of our society, of the part they have chosen four weeks ago.
Faction before Blood."
"Faction before Blood." Was echoed through the whole room, voices somber and thoughtful. I lacked behind but my lack of enthusiasm stayed unnoticed, after all, it fit right in. Stepping down, Marcus gestured towards the man to start reading, his gaze falling onto me like so often. He had to make sure I wasn't stepping out of line.
Clearing his throat, the elder started reciting with a weak voice, having to stop ever so often because a cough attack rattled him. Cynically, I thought to myself that if he wouldn't hurry up he´d die up there.
"I will be my undoing If I become my obsession.
I will forget the ones I love If I do not serve them.
I will war with others If I refuse to see them.
Therefore, I choose to turn away from my reflection,
To rely not on myself
But on my brothers and sisters,
To project always outward
Until I disappear."
He finished, adding the non-obligatory "Only God remains", joined by about half of the faction. It wasn't lost on me that our leader joined in. Funny, I had never seen him as a man of faith.
The following part of the ceremony was the one I dreaded most. We had to stay where we are while the senior members all came to wash our feet, a symbol of hospitality and that we were all equal, that no one was too important to serve another.
I had hated feet with a passion for all my life and barely managed to touch my own. But let a stranger do it? Disgusting.
It ended up being a woman I only knew from passing, the wife of a council member if I was right, that knelt in front of my exposed feet with a wet towel and a dry one, methodically but throughout cleaning the limb while I was cringing, before getting up and giving me a comforting smile. I would never, ever do that.
The dark blue eyes watching my every movement had the underlying disgust vanish from my expression and I struggled to put on the emotionless mask I had developed over the last few weeks. No one should witness my shame, every weakness displayed could mean your ultimate demise, a target for whoever that wanted to hurt you.
I knew my someone.
When even the last one of the initiates had shiny clean feet, we put our stockings and shoes back on before we were lead to the large table in the next room that was already stocked with our common meal, nothing more than bland chicken and unseasoned potatoes. The lack of enthusiasm, even while anticipated, made the whole ordeal feel ordinary, nothing special. There was no laughter, no alcohol, of course, nothing that portrayed the significance of this day for all eight of us. Not even a piece of cake.
It made me feel even smaller, more insignificant than ever.
I could already feel myself disappearing, swept up by a sea of grey that swallowed me whole. It was like slowly drowning – and there was nothing I could do, except taking it with a smile.
I was seated to Marcus right, now that I was officially his personal assistant. He had gotten word from the other leaders that permitted his request without even speaking to me. They considered it an honor, a privilege to serve directly under their head leader and even though there was nothing I would have hated to do more, it earned me small jealous glares from the redhead whose name I had already forgotten again.
Susan and the other two would move into a house that already held two unmarried women, while the boys would all share one house until it was their time to court a woman, make her their wife and move into a house of their own.
I, on the other hand, would stay with Marcus, in Four´s old room because he needed his assistant close by. I had kept a brave face when he told me but that night, I cried into my pillow that muffled every sound.
Torn between the need to complete my mission as soon as possible and to be as far away from him as possible, I had decided to stay even though every fiber of my body screamed for me to leave, my back being the loudest one. I hadn't made so many sacrifices to fail now. There was one person I had to protect at all costs.
The meal was a somber occasion and I stayed quiet most of the time despite that it should have been the time we spoke up as adults, as their equals. But with Marcus beside me, I didn't take the risk. The only perk our celebration had that we were excused from doing the dishes and I used the opportunity to flee the table as soon as possible. Exhausted, all I wanted to do was get away.
The last sun rays were just disappearing behind the abandoned skyscrapers and I inhaled deeply, letting the chill evening air fill my lungs, lightening the weight that had settled in my stomach just for a little. I was thankful for all the peace I could get.
Especially knowing what was to come in the next few months.
Searching my pocket for the piece of paper hidden, my fingers tightened around the worn-out edges and I pulled it out, staring down at it like I had done for the last four days, a small sliver of hope growing in my heart just to be nipped in the bud by the despair I felt. My fingers gingerly touched the black and white image, circling around the small bubble in the center of it, where a piece of Eric was growing inside my body.
My reason to not abandon the mission, so that my child wouldn't grow up in a city full of ashes and hate, nothing left for him or her when they grew up. No, I couldn't do that to his child, to my child.
I´m going to everything to make sure you will grow up not having to worry about shelter or food, little one. Even if it kills me in the end.
I honestly don´t know what to say… sorry? :D I already hinted that this story won´t be an overly happy one and it won´t get much better in the chapters to come… I also don´t know if the scene was overly graphic, just tell me if you liked it (the portrayal, not the deed itself) or not.. feedback is always good :)
I´ll stop rambling now & go to bed… I honestly don´t know what I´m writing anymore… :D
Thanks for being so patient! And to everyone who read & reviewed! :)
