Part 3 of 4

The next day, bright and early (but not TOO bright and early, if you know what I mean), DI Poole presents himself at his station's front door and pins both officers with a gimlet eye. They slowly stop doing whatever they are doing and turn to face him with trepidation.

DI Poole intones solemnly, "Gentlemen, do you have anything of particular import to tell me?"

Both men come to an even greater attention than before, their faces solemn and 'official'.

"Yes sir," Fidel monotones.

"Yes aye, Chief," Dwayne grunts and both men point to DI Poole's desk where a very neatly typed report sits very conspicuously atop its gleaming surface.

"I see!" DI Poole barks and stalks inside to sit and read. When done, he sighs and looks up. "Well, this matches with my own investigation but I am at a loss as to why it took you almost 48 hours to bring this to my attention."

Dwayne and Fidel exchange glances. Dwayne's eyebrow goes up. Fidel gives a small head shake. Dwayne's other eyebrow goes up. Fidel sighs and sits back down. Dwayne hooks his thumbs into his belt and turns to his boss, "It's like this, Chief, me an' Fidel, we figured it out before we got back ta town, ya know? We immediately questioned Catherine an' she spilled the beans…"

Fidel snorts and Richard barks, "Spilled the beans? That's hardly proper terminology."

Dwayne nods, "I know, Chief, sorry. Anyways, she confessed an' we made her promise t' never do it again unless this time it didn't work an'…"

Richard sits up sharply, "What do you mean… unless this time it didn't work?"

Dwayne bobs on his heels, "Well, ifn you an' Camille couldn't come t' grips with each other an' you kept wastin' more time… or mebee you needed more convincin' that women aren't actual poison…"

Richard grits out, "I do NOT think women are poison! And whether or not DS Bordey and I have 'come to grips', as you put it, is…!"

Dwayne flaps a hand, "Yeah, yeah, I know, but we wuz pretty sure you HAD. Come to grips, I mean, on accounta we never saw you fer the rest of the day an' no one reported you at the hospital so…"

Richard covers his eyes with a hand, "Yes, yes, yes, all right. Please continue with your report, if that is indeed what this is." He dekes an eye at Fidel, sees the young man's knowing smile, and snaps his fingers shut again as Dwayne happily continues.

"So, we figured if the lovey-dovey potion…" this elicits a quiet groan from the suited man, which is ignored, "… if the potion didn't work fer whatever reason…" he turns to Fidel, "… like, say, you wuz too straight-laced, or your buttons don't actual work…" Now Richard is using both hands to cover his face and Fidel is out and out grinning as Dwayne continues, "… or, say, mebee there wuz an equipment malfunction, you know, some sorta failure…" Dwayne turns back and snaps his fingers, "… or, hey, mebee you didn' actual know the moves…"

DI Poole's hands slap down hard onto his desktop, two spots of colour burning high on his cheekbones as he roars, "I do SO know the moves! And there is absolutely nothing wrong with my buttons or my laces or anything else you care to disparage about me!" Now he stands, almost shaking with suppressed ire, "Officer Myers, you are skating dangerously close to insubordination with this outrageous talk, if not out and out slander of a superior officer, and perhaps even contempt of The Policing Procedures if you continue in this manner with this travesty of a report."

DI Poole's eyes suddenly widen as he scoops up the report and rifles through it, desperately speed-reading. After a few moments he lowers the report and levels twin lasers at Dwayne, growling, "There is nothing here at all about any of your salacious reasons for my being absent from the station yesterday, you provocateur you!"

Dwayne folds his arms and smiles, "Really? Are you sure? I wuz sure I put that all in there." He turns to Fidel again, "Fidel! Did you edit my report? You oughtna done that, it read real well as it wuz, sorta like a steamy romance fanfic, hey?"

Fidel snorts and holds up both hands, "Hey! Don't you drag ME into this. I like my Sergeant stripes right where they are, thank you very much! You can go on shore patrol all next month if you want but I'm staying right here in the station where I belong, you rabble-rouser you."

Dwayne turns back to his boss with a sigh, "Ah, me, partners-in-crime are so hard t' come by these days. As fer my ideas on why you didn't come t' work yesterday, I thought I skated off the edge of THAT particular cliff a coupla sentences ago. I must be slippin'. Either that or yer getting' used t' me, Chief."

Richard stares at Dwayne for a fraught moment then looks to Fidel who is now standing with a twinkle in his eye. Richard realizes the 'jig' is up, and, really, did it matter? He slumps, "OK, all right, our close brush with death decided the issue for us and we negotiated a meeting of the minds and it took some time to negotiate…"

Dwayne is twirling a finger, "Get t' the point, Chief! I think what yer tryin' t' say is you two are an item now and people better not get in yer way. Am I right?"

Richard gives him a long look then sighs again, "As usual, you are very concise in your understanding of the situation. Yes, we are 'an item', as you so quaintly put it. Are we done this torture now?"

Dwayne grins, "Almost, Chief, almost." He steps forward, his hand out.

Richard steps back, eyes flaring afresh, "Oh, god, what NOW?"

Dwayne grabs his boss by the upper arms and claps him on the back, "Nuthin', 'cept congratulations! It couldna happened t' a nicer guy and I'm kinda surprised you showed up here this soon! I had a bet goin' with Fidel that you might hafta go t' the hospital after all… but not for hittin' yer head."

Fidel bursts out laughing, tries to stifle it, but can't. After a shocked moment Richard joins him, his booming laugh rolling out into the parking lot down below where several vendors turn in surprise as if hearing something extremely rare and/or unusual. Then they smile as a certain rumor gains strength.

End – part 3