Hey guys, I know it's been so long since I last updated this fic (I'm not even looking at the date I posted the last chapter) but I've been half participating in NaNoWriMo this year (not doing the entire 50k because I simply don't have the time, but I'm trying to write in all my free moments and get at least half way) and have promised myself to work as much as I can, so this should be the kickstart I needed to put me back on track for this fic.
A great big thank you to those who have supported my writing lately; Sarah, my FoodieHoodies, the amazing Lis... You guys are the best and I love you dearly.
I hope you guys like this one, it's kinda sad and angsty in places but there's also a lot of feelings going on, in addition to some of Robin Hood's backstory and dark past being divulged here.
So yes, without me rambling too much here's the next chapter, please let me know if you liked it; I'll blush like a tomato and stutter but I honestly hold every reviewer close to my heart.
…
Unsurprisingly, it didn't take long for Robin to fall asleep after being warm and relaxed and sated, Regina's body curled up against his side a comforting weight to chase away the nightmares that fought to claim him.
Regina, however, lay wide awake. Her mind still computing everything that had happened since she had woken not twelve hours ago. She had thought she'd lost Robin. She had found him alive. She had healed knights. She had healed Merry Men. She had lost trusted soldiers. She had lost a friend...
Dwelling wouldn't help matters; listing all the ways in which she could have done more, how she could have saved lives and spared Robin the pain of losing his close friend... It would only lead to her fighting to stay afloat in a pool of darkness, instead of being focussed on the tasks she needed to do.
She needed to assure her people they were safe, she needed to recruit more knights, she needed to make funeral arrangements...
Pressing her lips together, Regina held onto Robin a little tighter at the thought of even more people she had to say goodbye to; knights she had known for years, people she had grown to trust, and a Merry Man who managed to see through her protective guards and choose to become her friend...
George had deserved so much better.
As if the thief could detect the start of her spiral into self-loathing, his arms wrapped tighter around her as he turned into her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as if to send away all of her worries. With a smile, Regina shifted closer into him, grateful that she had finally found a source of comfort amidst the mess that was her life.
The sound of footsteps in the corridor outside had her eyes diverting to the door, glaring as she hoped that whoever it was wasn't there for her. Though there was no such luck; a knock on the door had her closing her eyes, too weary to handle dealing with whatever royal duties were expected of her right at that moment. She just wanted to lie with her thief for a while.
But after the second knock she heard Friar Tuck's voice softly call out. And out of all the people it could have been, he certainly wasn't the most difficult to deal with.
With a reluctant sigh, she raised her head and prepared to invite him in, but then remembered her - and Robin's - state of undress. Not appropriate at all. A wave of her hand had their bodies covered in sleepwear - regardless of it only being mid-afternoon - to cover their modesty, and their discarded clothes from earlier were neatly hidden in her closet. Much better.
Apparently impatient of waiting, the door opened seconds after the third knock, the Friar entering when Regina was only half-way into sitting up, feeling rather self-conscious about being literally caught in bed with the man's leader. Admittedly, he had mentioned their relationship over drinks the previous night, and was not the first person - or even Merry Man - to suspect something. But there were suspicions, and then there were outright confirmations.
She'd just outright confirmed them.
Her eyes met his, daring him to make comment, and he seemed wise enough to keep his mouth shut. But then Regina saw Roland curled up in Tuck's arms, and her maternal instincts kicked in.
"Is he alright?" she asked, a frown creasing her forehead.
"He just heard his father had returned, he demanded to see him," Friar Tuck said in explanation.
"Of course."
Regina looked over at Robin, still deep asleep. He no doubt needed the rest; she had never seen him look so weary. But she couldn't send Roland away, not even if she wanted to; Robin was his father, of course he had to stay.
Beckoning the young boy over, Regina shuffled away from Robin so as not to jostle him awake. In a matter of seconds Roland was in the Queen's lap and looking over his father with worried eyes and a pouty bottom lip.
"Is Papa okay, Majesty?"
"Your father is fine, Roland," Regina assured him, a hand making soothing passes up and down his back. "He's just very tired and needs some rest."
"John said he was hurt…"
"He was," Regina admitted, before gesturing to Robin; "but he's all better now, see?"
Roland spent a moment frowning as he looked over his Papa, nodding when he didn't see a scratch on him. Looking back up at the Queen, Roland tentatively asked; "You healed him with good magic?"
With a small quirk of her lips, Regina inclined her head. "I did."
Roland smiled before wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug, and as she wrapped her arms around him in response she caught sight of the gratitude shining the Friar's eyes from across the room. His mouthed 'thank you' making Regina's smirk grow into a watery smile as tears prickled at the back of her eyes.
Tuck seemed to suddenly grow uncomfortable, gesturing towards the door before leaving Regina and Roland curled up on her bed. The Queen couldn't help but press a kiss to the top of the boy's head, gently rocking him back and forth as her eyes glanced over to Robin.
"Can I stay with you, Majesty?" Roland asked, his voice muffled in the long hair he had buried his face in.
"Of course you can," Regina smiled. "In fact, I insist."
With that, she scooped him out of her lap and onto the mattress beside her, holding up the bedcover for him to wiggle underneath, allowing him to get snuggled between the Queen and his father.
It wasn't long before the boy's eyes started to droop, a knowing smile appearing on Regina's face as Roland shifted and practically lay across his father, letting sleep pull him under for an afternoon nap.
The two had a matching furrow in their brow as they slept, the same hitch in their breath before they licked their lips and huffed. It was endearing to watch; the two were so much the parent and child they shared the same mannerisms.
Her heart ached for the times when Henry used to lie across her to sleep, countless evenings spent on the sofa carding her fingers through his hair as a movie played in the background, unwatched by both mother and son. It seemed like forever since she had last seen her Little Prince, and yet when she closed her eyes she could still see his smile as if he was right in front of her, could still hear his laugh as if he had just beat her at yet another game she had bought him...
She missed him. With every beat of her heart.
And despite her refusal to build a connection of any sort when she arrived here, she looked over to the two Locksley boys who had evaded her barbed defences and wormed their way into her affections. They weren't a solution for her pain, but they softened the edges of her grief until she could breathe without a constant ache in her chest. She had good days, and she had bad days, but she could no longer deny that the majority of her good days were spent with the thief and his son.
The urge to stay with them and ignore her responsibilities felt like a good idea, keeping a closed door firmly between the serenity of her room and acknowledging the deaths that have once again added blood to her hands.
But she couldn't. She was Queen. She had to do what was right.
Steeling herself, Regina threw back the covers and swung her legs over the side of her mattress. Her fingers gripped the edge, her head hanging as she took a few deep breaths to build the strength to leave.
"Majesty?" The Queen heard from behind her, and she turned to see Roland with his eyes half closed reaching out to her. "Are you leaving us?"
"Just for a short while, Roland," she assured with a smile. "I'll see you later."
"Can you stay? Only for a minute?"
Regina left out a gentle scoff. Oh, like father like son...
"Okay." With a small sigh, Regina lay back down and cosied herself under the warmth of her bedcover again, next to a little boy and a not-so-little thief - the former of which was back to sleep in seconds.
She made plans for what needed to be done, funeral arrangements and ceremonies, assuring the Kingdom's subjects that they were in no danger, anything else that had arisen throughout the day that she had been too distracted to deal with...
The two Locksleys in her bed could stay exactly where they were; it had been a long day and she was loathe to move them. Nobody would enter her room unannounced, a quick spell on her door would ensure that, and she knew they could easily find their way back to their chambers or the Dining Hall or wherever else they wanted to go when they awoke.
It was time for her to get back to reality, and so with a weary sigh she left the warm comfort of her bed and the company currently dozing in it. She dressed herself with a wave of her hand, not bothering to even check her appearance in the mirror as she pinned back half her hair.
With one final deep breath she left the two Merry Men slumbering in her bed and braved the outside world - but not before leaving a kiss on the forehead to each of them.
...
Robin stirred after a few hours sleep and cracked open one eye, catching sight of the lavish décor of the Queen's chambers and closing his eyes again with a loose smile.
Shifting under the covers, Robin turned onto his side and reached out for the woman next to him, intending to pull her to him and relax for a few more moments before facing the world. But the body next to him was too small, too thin, and smelled completely different from the floral musk scent engrained into the Queen's pillow under his head.
His eyes snapped open as he shifted away from the unexpected body next to him - almost falling off of the bed in the process - but when he regained his senses, he couldn't help but chuckle when he realised he had been scared by the little monster that was his own son.
"Oh, Roland," he muttered, shaking his head and smiling as he wrapped his arms around his son, enjoying the peace and quiet before he woke up and inevitably kept him occupied throughout the rest of his afternoon.
He hadn't held him since he had left, and despite all of the reasons for Robin to be falling apart right now, Roland had this way of holding all of his broken pieces together and putting the world to rights.
Things would be okay.
He would be okay.
…
Despite the somber mood surrounding the grieving Not-So-Merry Men, they chose to spend their evening trying to celebrate life instead of dwelling on it. There were tales shared which made them cry with laughter, reminiscing on the activities George got up to behind each other's backs, drunken anecdotes which painted him as the funniest person alive - who happened to lose all of his common sense after a few ales as he tried to accomplish impossible feats.
Robin offered a sympathetic ear whenever conversation turned solemn, comforting the men in his charge as best he could, but he didn't have time to dwell on his own loss; he was far more concerned with how his son was coping.
Roland himself seemed fine, a little down at some points of the evening, but his eyes were bright and shining whilst staying up 'like a big boy' to listen to the funny stories being enacted in front of him.
It was only once Roland had given in to exhaustion and fallen asleep in Little John's big chair, and the rest of his men had turned in for the night when the loneliness caught up to Robin, his mind still swimming with memories of George.
Initially there was tension between the two; George had made it clear that Robin wasn't a friend, and the only reason he was leader was because he beat Little John in a staff fight. It took two drunken brawls, four heists, three late night confessions and Robin saving his life before George finally accepted him. And even then, it wasn't as a friend.
But gradually they became closer, becoming casual acquaintances, then trusted allies, then good friends.
Before too long they were sneaking away with Friar Tuck for drinks in the nearby tavern, honing their combat skills by sparring in the forest, pulling practical jokes on Little John and then feigning innocence when he confronted them.
He was going to miss that. Miss him.
Suddenly, Robin felt lonely, a sudden longing for company. His son had fallen asleep down the hall, and so he was sat alone at the foot of his bed, eyes fixed on the moon, feeling rather lost and insignificant.
He needed…
He didn't know what he needed - apart from just… something.
Robin took in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and then puffed out his cheeks as he let it go, finally working up the strength to stand and brave walking around the rest of the castle.
He started down the outer corridors, the ones with windows to the gardens so he could occasionally pause to take in the serene outdoors. The sight of the forest was calming and soothing, a reminder that despite whatever changed, whatever he gained or lost, the closest thing he had to a home wasn't too far away.
The castle was where he lived, yes, and he had his own room, and could live far more comfortably here than he ever could in a camp. But it wasn't quite home. He had lived in the forest for almost two decades, had loved, been loved, made his friends, his family… And whilst the castle was starting to feel familiar to him, and the people living here were starting to worm their way into his heart, he hadn't been a part of this life for half a year yet. The forest still called to him.
Perhaps he should go outside for a short while, walk around in the areas lit by torches - and perhaps borrow one to walk a bit further.
With a curt nod to himself, Robin decided that was what he was going to do. A breath of fresh air may do him good, after all.
But as with most of his plans, it didn't quite go according to what he'd intended; he made it past the dining hall, past the main kitchen, and he was just about to head past the library when he noticed the light shining from the crack under the door. Robin was no stranger to late nights, but he was curious as to who else was awake so late in the evening - and working in a library, no less.
He should've just continued to walk outside, let whoever it was do whatever they were doing, but a strange tug had him walking over and pushing open the door before he could talk himself out of it.
A smile grew on Robin's face without him even realising, too busy taking in the sight of his Queen sat surrounded by scrolls, beauty radiating from her as she wrote by candlelight.
He leaned against the doorjamb, feeling the tension in his body start to melt away with every exhale, his mind lessening its turbulence to a manageable level.
This. This was what he needed. Not solitude, not the forest; just his Regina.
"Are you going to stand there all evening?"
Robin stood straight, arms unfolding as they hung by his side, startled, but not ashamed to be caught admiring her. "All night too, if you'll let me."
With a small smile, Regina glanced up at him before returning back to her work, fighting her blush at the thief's compliment.
Robin walked closer to her, resting his fingers on the back of the chair next to Regina. "May I?" he asked as he turned it to face her.
"I'm not stopping you."
As good a confirmation as any, Robin stepped in front of the chair and sat down, scrambling to catch the scroll that he knocked off of the table in the process. Regina observed him from the corner of her eye, trying to hide her smile as he pretended to neaten the papers on her desk to cover his clumsiness.
Regina busied herself with dipping her quill in the ink pot as Robin settled back in his chair, stretching out his legs and folding his arms in front of him. "You alright?" she asked, appearing nonchalant, but secretly attempting to ease the concerns she had been having about how her thief was coping.
Robin opened his mouth and then closed it again, nodding his head in the affirmative. Regina toyed with the idea of pushing, of making sure that he was truly okay, but just as she was about to speak Robin changed the topic.
"You know… I went to sleep lying next to you, and woke up next to my son," he mused. Regina smirked at the frown appearing on his face as he added; "It's rather disconcerting."
Offering an apologetic smile, Regina nodded towards the papers on her desk as she explained; "I needed to get this done."
"Oh," Robin nodded, taking in the scrolls in front of her before asking; "What is 'this'?"
Regina paused, pressing her lips together before hesitantly confessing; "Funeral arrangements."
Robin's face fell, and Regina had a sudden ache in her chest. Her fingers twitched with the urge to cover his hand with hers, but he brushed away his discomfort, and asked; "Do you mind if I stay here?"
"Of course not," Regina smiled. Before trying to get a smile out of him with a teasing; "just don't get in my way."
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it," he retorted, with a smirk and the best, seated mock bow he could manage, before settling back and letting the flickering candlelight, the scratching of the quill, and the comforting presence of the Queen lull him into a much needed sleep.
…
The calmness Robin found with Regina had disappeared the next day. Admittedly, there was a valid reason for him to be irritable, withdrawn and snappy, but he couldn't remember the last time he had felt this angry. He was convinced he had put this behind him; lashing out over the slightest provocation. But he was hurting, grieving, and if there was anything that could make Robin Hood turn into a man who lost control of who he was, then it was losing someone he cared about.
He prided himself on living by a code, a list of rules to be the best person he could be. And it worked; Robin Hood was known throughout Sherwood Forest as a very good man. But the truth was; good men didn't need rules.
Robin tried not to dwell on why he had so many.
But it was safe to say that the man repeatedly driving his fist into a stranger's gut was not the famous Hoodlem everyone knew and respected. Even his men had been wary of approaching him - and they had seen him at quite a few lows, pulled him away from numerous brawls.
He had been vaguely aware of them calling his name, but he had firmly ignored them. Even going so far as to push John away when he had approached him. He hadn't even responded when he had heard Regina call his name - he hadn't even heard her approach.
But like the Queen she was, she stormed into the middle of the fight and separated the two men without displacing a hair on her head. A purple hue between her palms and their chests, a magical guard to keep them apart.
"What's going on?"
The guy from behind Regina began talking, but she turned to him with a glare, snapping; "I wasn't asking you. Keep your mouth shut."
She turned back to Robin, softening her glare somewhat, but still staring him down enough to let the outlaw know that not answering was not an option.
"I just… I…" he started, before lamely finishing; "lost my temper."
Regina gave a quick glance to the man behind her, cataloguing the bruise on his cheek, and his grimace with every shallow breath, before turning back to Robin and quipping; "Evidently."
"You wait until everyone else at the castle hears about this… He'll be thrown out on his ass before he can say 'ooh de lally'."
Regina turned to face the man behind her. How dare he make threats in front of the Queen? In her own Castle? He did not control who lived here. She did. And if he thought Regina valued his life over Robin's, he was going to be incredibly surprised when she hauled his ass outside and banished him.
"You're not going to tell anyone," she stated, as if it was a fact - and if the person in front of her had any sense, he'd accept it as such.
Alas, he didn't. And scoffed right in front of her.
"No? And how am I going to explain my injuries?" He goaded. "Did I 'fall down the stairs'? 'Accidentally trip'? Clumsy old me."
Regina's jaw set as she took in a deep breath, reigning in her anger at someone who dared to joke about the excuses once given to cover her injuries. She slowly waved a hand over the man's torso, the corner of her mouth twitching in a subtle smile as his bones painfully cracked back into place.
"You don't have any injuries to show, no-one will believe you," she stated, her voice low and dangerous. "Everyone here will deny it. And I think the kingdom will take the word of the beloved Merry Men over a simple peasant like you, don't you think?"
The man looked affronted, clearly tempted to argue back but hesitant from the knowledge of how powerful the Queen was, and the darkness currently swirling in her eyes. So when she told him "now get out of my sight," he did as he was asked.
As he left the hallway with brisk steps, Regina glared after him, making a mental note to make the man's life difficult where she could. Perhaps teach him a little respect. But her attention was drawn back when Robin started to walk in the opposite direction.
"No; you don't get away that easy," Regina stated as she gripped his arm and pulled him back to her. "What happened?"
Robin looked away, avoiding the Queen's gaze and sounding rather adamant when he tried to tell her; "Nothing…"
"Sure looks like it," she gibed, gesturing in the direction towards the man she had healed and sent on his way. Despite how much he obviously wanted her to, Regina was not letting the thief brush it off. She'd been worried about this; Robin starting on the slippery, destructive path one could find themselves on after experiencing loss. She'd had personal experience with that, had already made that mistake, and she had vowed to herself her thief would not befall the same fate. "Robin…"
"It's George's birthday today," he admitted, hoping from the recognition flickering in her eyes that she would put the pieces together and understand.
"Of course it is…" Regina sighed, silently chiding herself. George had told her, asked her to spy for him since he was anxious about a surprise party, and she had completely forgotten. The Merry Men had probably planned a grand gathering for the guy, an entire day of celebration, and now they'd never use their decorations, or give their presents, or tell him to blow out his candles and make a wish… "It completely slipped my mind."
"Yes, so…" Robin started, before gruffly admitting; "I'm not my best right now."
"I doubt anyone is."
Regina took in the way Robin's jaw was still clenched, his hands still balled into fists despite the broken skin on his knuckles, the tension he still held in his shoulders.
"Robin, I know that you're hurting," she began, trying to summarise all she wanted to say into a simple phrase, settling on; "but hurting other people won't make you feel any better."
"Is that from your personal experience, Your Majesty?" Robin snapped.
Regina ignored the sudden pain in her chest, pushing away the urge to retort back or allow tears to swim in her vision; the last thing he needed was more conflict. Swallowing, Regina pressed her lips together and breathed in deeply, reminding herself that he was hurting and just lashing out, the same way she had done many times previously.
Guess the thief was right, she mused.
And it wasn't as if he was wrong; she had found joy in torturing others simply because it made her life seem a little better. But it didn't truly get rid of the pain; it just made her so numb she couldn't feel it - or much of anything - anymore. She wouldn't let that happen to Robin. Never.
"Yes. So trust me when I tell you; it doesn't work. It just lets the darkness take hold," she responded, refusing to meet his gaze for fear that he'd see through her steel façade - as he always had done. "And you are not me; you are better than that."
Robin looked at Regina, watching as she still tried to help him even after he'd hit her with such a low blow. Remaining cool and collected when all he wanted to do is pummel the guy some more. She didn't deserve that.
"I'm sorry."
Regina shook her head, brushing him off. "It's alright," she assured, after all; she had heard far worse from almost everyone else inside the castle.
"No, it's not." Robin itched to reach out, knowing full well he had overstepped, but not wanting to make anything worse by initiating contact as if he hadn't just upset someone he cared about.
"Robin-"
"It's not alright," Robin insisted, before soothing his tone and explaining; "I didn't mean it. I'm just… angry."
Regina offered an understanding smile. "I know."
Her hand came to rest on his arm, and her touch grounded him, comforted him, made his breath come a little easier and his heart lessen its pounding in his chest. The possibility of her casting a spell on him crossed Robin's mind, but he had somewhat become accustomed to the feel of her magic - the slight tingle over his skin before a faint wave of energy ran through him - and this wasn't magic. It was just her.
His Regina.
Her hand moved down to take his own, and she lowered her gaze to take in the sight of his bruised knuckles, her fingers trailing over the damage as she healed it. "You've got one hell of a right hook."
"Thanks." Robin smiled, and then paused as he wasn't entirely familiar on the meaning behind the phrase - then added a quiet, "I think."
There was a small moment where things were slightly awkward, neither really knowing what to say after Robin's outburst, both of them wanting to leave and yet still wishing they could stay.
It was Regina who broke their quiet first, reluctantly admitting; "I should probably get back to… paperwork."
"Paperwork?" Robin asked, already having an idea of what she was doing but still feeling the need to tentatively ask; "For-?"
"For the funerals, yes."
"I heard the Knights' are tomorrow, right?" Robin inquired, having overheard a few of the castle staff discussing rumours and speculation.
Regina hummed in agreement before adding; "So is George's."
"Oh." Robin swallowed, not realising that it would be that soon. "Before or after the others' ceremony?"
"Neither." Regina paused, giving up on plans to sit and discuss the whole funeral topic with Robin at length as she divulged; "He's being buried with Knight's Honors."
Robin blinked, sure he had misheard until his mind caught up. Could she do that? Obviously as the Queen she could probably do anything she set her mind to. But why would she do that? She had known George for barely half a year, had been a friend of his for even less time. And yet he was being given the same funeral ceremony as someone whom she had approved as protector of the castle and it's inhabitants. "Regina…"
"He gave his life fighting for my Kingdom," she explained, pushing down the guilt and grief at the admission. "It's the least I can do."
Robin looked touched, squeezing the hand he held in his grasp as he delivered a heartfelt; "thank you."
Regina's lips quirked and despite her mind swimming with all of the reasons for her to be angry and upset, she couldn't help but feel a little lifted at the admiration in Robin's eyes.
She had to get back though, couldn't stay gazing at Robin all day. "I should go… But I'll be in the library, if you need anything."
Robin watched as Regina started to walk away, but couldn't let her leave him without trying to put a smile on her face first. "I'll try not to pick any more fights, milady," he called after her.
She turned around with her lips curved into a smirk, "you better not, thief."
With an elaborate bow to widen the smirk into a grin, Robin felt his own lips form a smile - one of the few genuine ones he had given throughout the day.
…
Throughout the rest of the day, Regina was never too far from Robin's thoughts, always in the back of his mind. The way that he snapped at her had been completely uncalled for, something he regretted deep in his heart, and he had been trying to find a way of apologising, of assuring her that he knew - better than most - why one should never use someone's past against them. And it was this need which has him searching for her once he had put Roland to bed.
She wasn't in her room, nor was she in the library - though it was several hours after he had last seen her, and he had hoped that she would take a break at some point - and Robin was unsure as to where else to search for her. Standing just outside of the library doors, Robin tried to work out where she would be, and without knowing why, something inside him started leading his steps down to a room on the lower level. He had only been there on a handful of occasions, but if he continued to find the Queen in there, perhaps he'd start frequenting the liquor room more often.
Sure enough, she was sat at the table against the far wall - without the Charmings this time - taking sips of amber liquid from her crystal tumbler.
Robin cleared his throat and the Queen turned to face him with wide eyes, but then upon recognising the man at the door, Regina relaxed and managed a small smile. When she gestured to the bottle and inclined her head in question, Robin shook his head and refused; that was not what he came for.
"I'm not staying long, I just… I wanted to-" Robin paused, trying to figure out what he wanted to say.
With a gentle smile, Regina prompted him; "You wanted to…?"
"I know what it is to carry around a dark past," Robin admitted in a hurry, before trying to explain. "I haven't experienced quite what you have, I admit, but I have done my fair share of bad deeds. And I know that when you try to move forward, the last thing you need is someone using it against you."
With a good-humoured roll of her eyes, Regina turned her torso towards him, almost sitting sideways on the bench. "Robin, I said it was fine."
"And I know it's not," he insisted. "You shouldn't have to deal with that. Not from me."
Seeing the way he was still beating himself up from earlier, Regina swung her legs over the bench and started walking towards him, with the intention of assuring him it was alright.
"Robin..." she started, unsure of what to say to make him feel less guilty.
But he was still preoccupied with making it up to Regina, completing his earlier vow with a certain; "You won't."
Still at a loss for words, Regina hooked a finger into the front of his shirt and leaned forward to kiss him.
She kept it light, didn't let it deepen beyond the general comfort she wanted to provide. But it was when he barely responded beyond the press of his lips that Regina realised just how off his kilter he was, too preoccupied with seeking forgiveness to indulge in their intimacy.
Regina had to admit that she treasured his attempts to right a wrong, but she had received far worse than a few choice words - he had even delivered worse insults when they had bickered before the start of their relationship - and she wasn't going to let him continue to dwell on this.
"You don't have to apologise anymore," she stated, cupping his cheek. And when she saw him opening his mouth to speak – presumably to protest – she placed her thumb over his lips to quieten him. "I forgive you."
His eyes searched hers, looking for any sign that she was still upset with him, and when he found none his lips twitched in a smile before he leaned forward to kiss her - with more intensity now that his feelings of guilt had been abated somewhat.
It wasn't long before he was pulling back, resting his forehead against hers and feeling grateful that this marvellous woman had chosen to share a part of herself with him.
But it wasn't enough that she forgave him, she needed to understand. Understand that they weren't all that different, that he should have known better.
Of course, in the state that he was in, the only way he thought to phrase it was; "I've killed people too, you know."
Somewhat taken aback, Regina put some distance between them so she could look at him. Reading the expression on his face, she couldn't help but take his hand and lead him towards the table she had been sat at. There was obviously a story to be told here.
Robin ended up sitting opposite the Queen on the other side of the table, and as he started trying to work out what to say, he wished he had accepted her offer of a drink.
"Come on then." Regina leaned forwards, making a show of listening intently, "what dark secrets is the Prince of Thieves hiding?"
Robin scoffed. "We'd be here for hours."
With a shrug, Regina smiled and stated; "I have nowhere to be."
Robin nodded, trying to work out where to start, and figuring from the beginning would be the best place.
"I actually grew up as Royalty; the son of King Richard The Lion Heart. There were all these ideas about who I should be and what I should do, and I didn't want any of it."
Regina scoffed. Oh the irony. What were the chances that the one person she had chosen to let her guard down with had a history so similar to hers? If she was still a believer in all that naïve princess nonsense, she'd call it fate.
Unaware of what she found so amusing, Robin tilted his head and inquired a slightly affronted; "What?"
"Nothing…" Regina brushed him off, still slightly shaking her head. "Go on, I'm listening"
"I'd frequently leave the castle, escape my duties and pretend I could have a normal life," Robin continued. And Regina fought the urge to scoff again. "I'd go and play in Sherwood Forest, climb the Major Oak, anything I wanted. But when I left, and started anew, I suddenly had all this freedom and I didn't know what to do with it."
"It's easy to lose your way," Regina empathised.
She understood that, understood the complete lack of control when one had the entire Kingdom at their disposal. Freedom can be deadly. It had made her spin and fall into a dance with darkness, had left her with nothing but a hole in her heart. She was grateful Robin did not befall the same fate.
"One day I was at an archery competition, and I was challenged to shoot a deer…"
"Well that wasn't a smart move," Regina chuckled, and was thankful for the chuckle she drew from him too.
"No; I was better than all of them put together." Robin straightened and puffed out his chest, putting on a show of superiority until Regina laughed. Then he turned somber again. "But when I performed the perfect shot, the drunken man who challenged me became angry and tried to kill me."
Regina grew serious, her voice quiet when she asked; "What happened?"
His response was a simple; "I killed him first."
"You were defending yourself," Regina comforted. If the extent of Robin's dark past was self preservation, he had nothing to feel ashamed of.
"But I could have just shot him in the leg, or the arm… Just something to incapacitate him instead of taking his life."
"When you're in that situation, when you have an entire concoction of chemicals running throughout your body, the last thing you are doing is thinking rationally," Regina assured him.
Robin had obviously spent a lot of time thinking about this, it had surely plagued his thoughts more than he'd like to admit. Regina had never forgotten the first life she took either, the young gypsy girl who had done nothing to wrong her, had never deserved her heart to be torn out of her chest and crushed. She had just been a pawn - Regina saw that now - a way for Rumple to turn her into the monster he needed. And she had played right into his hand. At least Robin had been protecting himself when he took a life, and not merely proving what he was capable of to gain a mentor's acceptance. "You did the right thing."
"Possibly. At first," Robin admitted. "But when I started thieving, robbing castles and carriages, I didn't really care about who was caught in the crosshairs. It was easier to kill guards and forget, than knocking them out and worrying about them coming around to attack you."
Regina tilted her head, seeing the logic. "That makes sense, and probably saved your life on more than one occasion."
Robin slowly nodded. It made sense, sure. And made his life as a thief easier. But it was also wrong. Something he never should have done.
And even though Regina seemed to be taking his confessions well - not once had he felt judged by her - he wasn't entirely sure how she'd react once she knew everything and it had settled in.
"The Sheriff has sent several men to kill me," Robin began again, mentally preparing to tell a tale he had never divulged to anyone - not even his Merry Men. "One was a professional assassin, and he got pretty close; Guy of Gisborne. We got into a sword fight, and I killed him."
"Again; self-preservation."
Robin shook his head, remembering his rage at Little John having been captured by friends of the man trying to kill him, and enjoying the way the sword felt as it sliced the assassin's skin, enjoyed the taste of victory in his mouth.
"He begged me to let him go when I gained the upper hand. He promised to leave, watch over my men, anything I wanted… and still I beheaded him."
Regina couldn't lie; she wasn't expecting that. But she kept her surprise under the surface, not willing to do anything which would have him regretting telling her about the skeletons he hid away.
"You were angry," she started, speaking carefully. "He had threatened your life."
"It was after my wife died. I had ended up in a dark place. I stole just because I could, picked fights with everyone, became rather self-destructive… But I didn't care because-"
"Hurting on the outside distracts from hurting on the inside," Regina finished, meeting his eyes and offering an understanding smile.
Robin studied Regina, his gaze unwavering as he processed everything. "You understand..."
Regina nodded; of course she understood. Brought up by royalty? Check. Rebelling against parents' ideals? Check. Regrets from losing control after experiencing loss? Check.
"I do..."
Robin placed his hand on the table, his fingertips tapping against the wood, and Regina couldn't help but slide her fingers to rest over his and halt the nervous rhythm. He turned his palm up and entwined their fingers, smiling when her thumb started stroking across his skin.
Only a few moments later and the smile was gone, and it appeared that once the outlaw had started sharing, he didn't really stop.
"I feel like a fraud sometimes," he confessed, eyes downcast.
Regina couldn't hide her surprise that time, her voice slightly higher than usual when she repeated; "a fraud?"
"People look up to me as some kind of hero. A generous man who helps those in need," Robin started. "If they knew…"
"Robin, nobody is all good. Everyone has the potential for darkness, to do terrible things, but they fight against it. And even when they slip and let a little bit of darkness in, it's what they do after that which counts," Regina explained. "You know the price of life, the imbalance of wealth and power, and you fight to make things better for everyone, to make society more equal."
"It doesn't change what I've done."
"Nothing will," Regina delivered, her bluntness having Robin's gaze snapping up to hers. "But nobody is perfect enough to be put on a pedestal. Everyone has flaws. I could tell you things about the Charmings which would probably have you fainting in shock."
Robin couldn't help the subtle chuckle slipping past his lips, half amused and half intrigued at what the Prince and Princess were really capable of.
"But you have a good heart, a caring heart, despite everything that's happened to you," Regina continued, drawing his attention back to her before she continued. "And that's what makes you a better person than you think you are. A hero."
It meant a lot to Robin that she thought of him as such, and at any other time he would probably be awestruck and unable to do anything other than kiss her senseless. But grieving had him recessing into the dark parts of himself, the doubtful, self-loathing parts, and it would take him a while to fully crawl back out.
"But the darkness-"
"Everyone has their darkness, the parts of themselves they try to keep locked away," Regina assured him, lowering her eyes to watch her thumb sweeping over his for a moment. She focussed on that instead of the dark parts of herself that she frequently wished away, meeting his gaze as she continued; "But I promise you: there is no dark corner of yours that will scare me away."
"Really?"
With a wry smile, she raised her free hand and wiggled her fingers in a small wave. "Evil Queen, remember?"
Robin shook his head, feeling confident as he declared; "not anymore."
"She'll always be me," Regina corrected him, before tilting her head as she mused; "but hopefully I won't always be her."
Robin withdrew his hand from under hers, swinging his legs over the bench and standing, oblivious to Regina trying to work out what she had said to cause such an abrupt exit.
But he didn't leave; instead he sat at the space next to Regina at the end of the seat, turning to her and interlocking their fingers again. "I really admire you, you know that?"
Robin just caught the hint of blush on Regina's cheeks as she dipped her head, muttering a quiet 'thank you'. But he still couldn't move past the guilt of how he had snapped at her earlier, the hurt in her eyes and the knowledge that he had put it there, and he needed to get one more thing off of his chest before he'd start letting it go.
"I know how it feels to try and move forward from your past," he started again. "And how it feels when people remind you of it."
Regina rolled her eyes, thinking they had moved past this already. "Robin, honestly…"
"Just let me say this," Robin ordered, and when Regina reluctantly nodded, Robin held her gaze as he promised; "I vow to you I will never do that to you again. You deserve better, and I will try to be that for you."
"I appreciate that," Regina said, swallowing down the emotions welling up inside of her. "And I won't mention any of this - what you told me - to anyone."
"And I appreciate that," he countered. It hadn't even occurred to him that she would have shared this with anyone, one of the reasons he trusted her as much as he did.
There was a pause where neither said anything, and Robin couldn't resist the urge to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Regina's ear, smiling when she turned her face into his touch.
Her eyes caught sight of the alcohol still laid on the table, and Regina repeated her earlier offer; "sure you don't want a drink?"
"I shouldn't," Robin admitted, despite how tempting the thought was after that conversation. "I should try and be my best for tomorrow."
"That sounds like a wise idea." Regina's eyes drifted towards the glass in front of her, and a wry smile appeared on her face as she chuckled. She never was one for making wise decisions.
"But I'm sure one drink before bed wouldn't hurt," Robin compromised, grinning at the mischievous glint in Regina's eyes as she magicked another glass in front of him. The thought of drowning his sorrows wouldn't leave his mind though, and so as Regina unscrewed the lid, Robin stated; "we can finish this bottle tomorrow."
As Robin eyed the full shelves around them, he couldn't help but pick out a few others that they'd likely make a start on too.
"It's a date," Regina affirmed as she poured him a measure to match her own, but then her brain caught up and she stammered over her words. "Not an actual date date, just… a… Never mind."
From the corner of her eye, she saw Robin raise his glass towards her in the start of a toast. Her mind ran amok with whatever emotional confessions the thief would tell her now, unsure if she could hold herself back from returning them. They'd been through too much lately; injuries and loss and late night confessions. And even Regina could admit this was more than what it should have been, could feel herself becoming more attached than she ever thought she would. They were too similar, connected in ways she hadn't ever anticipated, and now she felt herself falling victim to all these romantic notions she would have laughed at mere months ago.
Under the table, Robin's knee nudged hers, drawing her out of her musings. When he had her attention, he lifted his glass and waited until hers matched before he toasted; "to dark souls and good hearts."
Regina smiled, and clinked her glass against his, watching him watch her as they both drained their crystal tumblers. She had barely placed her empty glass back on the wooden tabletop before a finger hooked under her chin drew her into a kiss.
Smiling against Robin's lips, Regina fought not to chuckle as she found the irony once more.
He had just managed to describe the pair of them perfectly.
The dark soul, and the good heart.
