He does not understand. This feeling that is so warm, overwhelms his being. He has felt his before, remembering it so well. It was when he learned of what volleyball is. The moment his premature mind and small hands held a volleyball for the first time – that warm, fuzzy feeling in his heart and stomach appeared.
That's why he doesn't understand. He couldn't. Maybe someday, he will. But obviously, not right now when that the same fuzzy feelings erupted again. For some reason, it is not directed to his favorite ball but rather, on a certain person that appeared before the team.
He almost drowned on the water bottle he's drinking.
How could she waltz in like that? Looking clean on that white dress – she looked so pale! And how is it possible that such a serene-looking face from his entrance exams can look that flustered, panicky, irritated, and annoyed as she interacted with the third-years. He was surprised to see that she knew their upperclassmen to casually interact with them in banters that showcases their friendship.
But her smile… the pinkness of her cheeks… and her sharp tongue that's full of retorts so far… he wants them.
Why? He does not have the answer.
Despite the unknown cause of this feeling, he managed to give her a response without giving away the fact that he's fighting an internal battle. But the interaction between a person like him – a first-year, male, is easily avoided for some reason unknown to him – and a person like Harukaze-san – a third year, female, looks approachable – is a rare occurrence. Add the fact that one – no, two of his teammates seem to have a hard time talking to anyone with female reproductive organs.
"Huh? What?"
"Kageyama's talking to a third-year?!"
"They know each other?"
He can hear them. They're not being discreet in expressing their thoughts. His already warm ears felt warmer if that is possible. Harukaze-san still with her smile, shyly looked away and tuck an invisible strand behind her left ear.
Tanaka-san suddenly appeared by his side and a hand was placed on his left shoulder.
"Hey, Kageyama…" There was a dark aura behind his senior.
"You know Haru-senpai?" Nishinoya-san continued and backed Tanaka-san. He appeared on his right.
Somehow, Tobio felt like he knew what will happen next. He remained silent, slowly getting annoyed at the sight of Hinata who is annoyingly happy with a stupid look on his face.
"Oh you, young man. You move fast." Hinata poked his arm.
Tobio knows what Hinata meant, for the orange-haired lad was with him on the day Harukaze-san left him speechless. Hinata asked him if he knew her, in which, he chose to play deaf. Of course, he knew her. he wouldn't be looking for bluish-green eyes if he did not. That smile irked him, he felt like strangling Hinata to stop spouting anymore nonsense.
Yet the gods forbid him from doing so when Coach Ukai, Takeda-sensei, and Shimizu-san came back.
"Huh?! Sawako, what the heck?"
"Oh, Harukaze-kun."
A familiarity between their club advisor and Harukaze-san is no longer a question. She is, after all, a third-year. that's all there is to it. But their coach and Harukaze-san? It was a surprise.
"What do you mean by what the heck? Don't you want me here?"
"What are you talking about? It's not like you haven't been in any of Karasuno's matches before."
Yet Harukaze-san didn't say anything. In fact, she looked away. Their coach stared at her and Tobio couldn't interpret what that look meant. As if, it's just between the two. Harukaze-san looked more embarrassed and decided to resort to something physical. She gave Ukai-san a jab on the side.
"There were other matches, okay?" She defended. "And I'm already here so the team shall give their best."
No one intervened to ask and clarify regarding the relationship between the coach and the tall third-year. Instead, they let the topic pass and decided to focus on their next match just as how the coach immediately announced after jabbing Harukaze-san as a form of his revenge. The female did not make another jab back and let it pass.
Before the team separates from Harukaze-san, Tobio turned to her. And she was already looking at him. Again, he's speechless. He didn't know what to say. So, he waited for her to say something before he left.
"I'll… be watching."
He felt like she's entirely a different person whenever she looked at him and they converse. She was far from the jabbing woman whenever she's embarrassed to the shy and reserved lady right now.
No matter what words were uttered, it still gave him that fuzzy feeling in his stomach.
Driven by this unexplainable feeling, he nodded. And before the moment would go longer, because it can be, he turned on his heels and followed his teammates just in time before the three third years barrage her with their own words.
Tobio swore that they were looking at his retreating form.
They won their match against Date Tech. They also won their ace back. It was an intense match: offense versus defense, speed versus speed. No matter how great a wall can be, it can still have cracks, can be broken, and can be taken down. Just like how Azumane-san was able to break the wall of their crushing defeat from the previous tournament and how he was also able to get that last point that secured their victory.
Tobio was happy. He got to play another match. His current team helps him overcome his mistakes of the past and accepts him for who he is. They're all strong, his teammates, despite lacking experiences. He came to Karasuno because of the previous Coach Ukai. Even though the reason for his admission was absent from day one, he didn't feel upset when he learned he didn't make it to Shiratorizawa. Because looking at his team right now, it has a long path ahead of them.
He tilted his chip upwards and looked at the bleachers. Their school's women's volleyball team was there, alongside Shimada-san and Takinoue-san from the Neighborhood Association. Also...
Harukaze-san…
He wasn't able to get the chance to talk to her after the match. They cooled down, peeked at how Seijoh was doing, ate a post-match meal, packed their stuff, and rode on the way back to the school for the meeting. They even watched the news inside the faculty because a sensei mentioned it to them. But he knew as he saw, Harukaze-san left with Shimada-san and Takinoue-san. They were quite close.
Tomorrow, June 3, Sunday, and is his most anticipated match. It'll be the second time they'll face Seijoh and the first official match of their teams. Of course, against Oikawa-san.
[ I want to take my dear underclassman on in an official match, setter versus setter, and crush him. ]
Just the idea of getting crushed by his senior irritates him.
He walked with the team after the meeting. Unfortunately, Sawamura-san didn't buy them pork buns today and was told to go home and eat a proper meal by Ukai-san. Soon, they all went on their paths. His hands were inside his pants' pockets and there was an unerasable wrinkling on his forehead despite being told by Hinata to look good.
He passed by on a familiar street. He knew the street well since it was one of those paths he has to take. But one night of an unexpected encounter changed his perspective on this street.
His eyes looked for a certain tall young lady. On that night, he didn't get to exactly walk her home. Harukaze-san insisted that she'll be okay. The houses were already familiar to her, she assured. But before leaving, he watched her enter a certain traditional house – where she exactly lives.
Feet stopped before he realized what he was doing. He stood tall in front of the house, average in size with two floors and surrounded by plants. From the outside of the wooden gate, he can see the mama bike that Harukaze-san used the other night. He checked the placard.
春風
Harukaze
He really is outside her house.
"W-What are you doing?"
He froze.
Shit.
Outside, clad in sweater and sweat pants, Harukaze-san looked like she came from the Sakanoshita Shop. The blank paper bag hinted to it. When he looked at her, she looked confused. There was disbelief in her eyes.
"H-Harukaze-san!"
Her lips formed into a thin line. He was surprised at her sudden appearance. He didn't take note of the possibility of her outside at night when he should be. For he had an encounter with her the other night. But as he yelped, he was embraced with silence.
Her eyes widened. "Eh?"
And that's when he realized an important thing. Despite having their own share of encounters that is quite unforgettable, they never had the chance to properly introduced themselves to one another. It's always staring, bowing, and fluster of embarrassment.
Tobio realized, he has totally given himself away.
"Ah… Um…" He stuttered and unable to look into her eyes. He can't form the right words. What should he do this time? Introduce himself? But that won't clear the question of why he knew her name. Besides, she already knew him. She was in the match and was with the two alumni, she's bound to know his name.
Shall he tell her the truth? It's not like he left that thing in his room for keepsake.
Still, what to do?!
Should I run?
He looked at her, determined he'll get the answer right away. Perhaps looking at her face will make him choose. And when he did, his eyes widened.
Harukaze-san…
Her eyes connected with his, unblinking. Under the street light, it looked sparkling. She did her best to cover a smile. Her cheeks, despite the dark, looked red.
"You're weird." She said.
Weird?! That's the first thing she ever said to him and she has to call him weird?!
He has been told by that a lot of times lately. Ever since he came to Karasuno, he has been called such. Even now, he doesn't know why. But looking at her indeed gave him an answer. If only he ran away at that moment, he wouldn't be able to hear her speak her mind. Straight to the point compared to their previous silent and awkward ones. He shall speak his mind as well.
He faced her. "I…" He started. "I have a confession to make!"
Her eyes widened with a heavy blush. "C-Confession?!"
He hastily opened the zipper of his bag, instantly grabbing a cloth that he kept on a compartment. He shall lower his pride this time. "The truth is…" He lowered his head and offered her the cloth. "I have your handkerchief."
Silence. Except for the crickets and a stray catfight some meters away from them.
Tobio couldn't look at what Harukaze-san's doing, but he knew she's there. He can see her clean toenails and outdoor slippers. Yet she's unmoving. It's making him anxious. Then he felt someone touched the cloth. He slowly looked up and saw realization dawned on her face.
She smiled. "I see. So that's why."
Then she took the handkerchief. He stood up properly and watched the little moment of how she traced the embroidery on the cloth. It was her name.
春風佐和子
Harukaze Sawako
"Harukaze… Sawako…" He muttered the name as he traced the embroidery. It was kanji but there was a romaji that he can read it easily.
So that's her name.
When she took out her koala coin purse on her skirt, she didn't notice the fall of the handkerchief. Neither did he, actually. He only realized that such cloth was lying on the ground when he already stepped on it.
"Um…" He looked up. But it was too late.
She already left.
Since then, he has been keeping the cloth in his bag. It was hidden in a compartment that soon he has forgotten about its existence. It was when he learned that she's the owner that he remembered he has something that she owned. Still, he never got the chance to approach her, say a few words, a simple "Hi" should be a start, and then, one day, he will return the handkerchief back to where it should belong.
What does her handkerchief expect from him? All he thinks about is volleyball.
He was startled when her hand landed on top of his head. He blinked as she patted thrice with a smile on her gentle face. But as quickly as the movement came, her eyes widened, and her hand froze.
"I-I'm sorry!" She retracted her hand. "I was just…" and she seemed lost for words. Her face turned pink from what appears to be an embarrassment. Harukaze-san took a deep breath, one, and looked at him in the eye. "Thank you, Kageyama-kun."
Shit.
He does not know what to say. What should he say at this time?
You're welcome? A pleasure? No problem? Which is it?
So, he just nodded.
And she quickly lost the composure she has just built. "And earlier… you were really pretty."
His eyes widened.
"I mean! You're great." She looked at her side. "And… you did well." Flustered, she bowed at him. "Goodnight."
She left. She left him in trance just as how she did on that day in February.
He couldn't remember how he got home that night. Nor remembering doing his morning routine the next day. Things escalated quickly.
One night, he was able to talk to Harukaze-san for a few minutes. It was longer than he thought. Maybe, saved for the slight silence that embraced them and longer than the other night he went out for a night jog and she was going home to the night before their match. She said he's pretty, that he's great and he did well.
But the next thing he knew, losing his composure in the match against Seijoh wasn't a pretty sight. Losing the setter showdown between him and Oikawa-san wasn't that great either. And he was certain, after being read until the end of the game, he didn't do well.
When he apologized, he was attacked by Hinata.
"It was a worthwhile match, wasn't it?
And Takeda-sensei assured them that they did well.
"Does losing prove that you're weak?"
Just like what she said to him last night.
"You did well."
He wanted to blame himself. He is, right now. It was truly frustrating.
Become stronger.
And that's what he and the rest of the team intend to do.
He was out for another night jog. The nighttime and darkness ruled the sky. He does not have a problem with his eyesight as he can see things clearly. And he has been doing this routine since junior high.
Night jog has been engraved in his body like it's one of the normal things he did. He enjoyed the scenery sometimes. The never-changing roofs and houses, the life of the trees that changed every season, and the almost ghost town streets every night. He would try, if there's a chance, to approach cats. Apparently, they've always been afraid of him for some reason. Was it his face? Nevertheless, night jog usually allows him to calm his mind and body – a break, a refresher, and a relaxation.
It only took him, one person, to see the streets from a new perspective.
"Oh, Kageyama-kun!"
It's Harukaze-san.
He slowed down and approached the young lady. He took a quick look at her clothing – oversized shirt and sweatpants while her hair was tied in a messy bun.
"Evening." He acknowledged, nodding in her direction.
She crossed her arms. "Y-You… are you okay?" She pointed to the middle of her forehead. "You'll get wrinkles if you continue to do that."
He blinked. Should he be irritated? Hinata told him the same thing last night. It's not like he can change how he looks. So, what if his forehead creased? He's still feeling frustrated from the match earlier.
"I was there." She continued. "It was…c-close."
Ah. She was at the match. It's the second day of the Inter-High and she still came. He didn't ask her to come again but she still did.
He blinked.
He's grateful. He felt embarrassed, too. Half of the match was him losing his cool and he panicked. It must be an ugly sight. It frustrates him. Still, she watched the match until the end.
"Thank you… for coming."
He received a warm smile and a pat on the head. Again, like last night, thrice. It must be a habit.
"Ah, sorry. I… did it again."
But he has no problem with what she did. Her hand was warm, so it's okay. He shook his head and nodded.
They didn't talk after that. Silence engulfed the both of them. Only the crickets and another catfight. Even outside, he could hear the one-sided banter inside the Harukaze household. The high-pitched voice was annoyingly familiar but he paid it no mind. The breeze was warm when it passed by them, signifying an approaching summer.
The silence was longer but it wasn't awkward, surprisingly not. Rather, it was comfortable.
Monday came and training was over. After their meeting and after agreeing on the terms for the finals. They were changing back into their tracksuits inside the clubroom. With his guard down, he wasn't aware of the incoming bombardment of confrontation.
"I've been meaning to ask you this, Kageyama. But how'd you meet Sawako?" It was Sugawara-san who decided to ask him.
"Now that you mention it…" Sawamura-san trailed. "You two are well-acquainted before our match with Date Tech."
"It's her first time to see us play," Azumane-san added.
The three third-years shared a look. It was quick but he saw it, they immediately turned to him. "Did you invite her?"
There were voices of confusion. He zipped his jacket and closed his locker. He decided to satisfy their curiosities.
"Yeah. I met her during the entrance exams."
"Since February?!"
"I…" He paused, unsure of what to answer the second question. Why did he invite Harukaze-san again? he couldn't remember his reasons. Perhaps, he just wanted to say something to her that time, something to talk about – a topic. Ah. Yes, that's why. A topic. "I didn't know why but yes. I did invite her." He proudly concluded.
The second years looked pleased. Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san gave him a thumbs up. "Nice job, Kageyama."
"Why?" He didn't understand.
It was Sugawara-san who answered. "You see, her household situation was quite complicated. That's why Sawako has never been to any of our matches."
"You probably heard of the Harukaze triplets, didn't you? They're from your year." Sawamura-san continued. "Two of the three have been playing tennis since grade school. Sawako's been watching their matches to support and acting guardian. That's why."
"But didn't you hear what Ukai-san said?" Azumane-san reminded them.
"It's not like you haven't been in any of Karasuno's matches before."
"She probably used to watch Karasuno play. And she has just stopped because of the triplets."
There was a hum. An understanding was there. He has seen the triplets under different circumstances. He was able to talk to at least one, was in the same area as the two, and has been greeted by the third. The two girls were quite confusing – he couldn't really tell the two apart – except when one decided to open her mouth.
His invitation to Harukaze-san turned out to be a good thing to his underclassmen. Her presence, no matter how hard to see her in school, was able to create a good impression. Because she's someone they know and apparently, someone they treasured. He learned Sawamura-san and Sugawara-san shared the same class with Harukaze-san since their first year in high school and even now that they're on their last year.
A lot has happened on the following days. They have a new manager. Her name's Yachi Hitoka, who was in Class 1-5. She's going to replace Shimizu-san after the third years graduate. Aside from that, Takeda-sensei has learned of their performance in class that they're encouraged to do better in their studies. Sawamura-san made them promise not to sleep during class hours, alongside Hinata, Tanaka-san, and Nishinoya-san.
As much as how his pride was on the line, he (Hinata) asked help in that jerk Tsukishima for their studies. Yamaguchi was kind enough to join and be the middle person in case arguments that'll arise should things get heated between him, Hinata, and Tsukishima.
It bore results. Just barely. And the teachers were looking at him in a good light.
But studies during lunch took away his chances to catch a glimpse of Harukaze-san. He rarely saw her since then. He's been busy with all the extra studying and training that there's no chance for another encounter with her. But it's not like he has something to say. He can't invite her for Spring Tournament. It's too early. But he will. Someday.
From afar, he can see that she's doing well.
He was standing outside Yachi-san's class when he saw her. It was a surprise. Harukaze-san was talking to the loud triplet, outside Class 1-1. And she appears to be with that pink-haired third year. He couldn't hear them but from what he saw, she's having a good laugh at something her sister was telling her. Her cheeks were fuller than from what he last observed. Is she getting fat?
"… ama… yama… Kageyama!"
Ah.
"What're you spacing out for?"
He didn't answer.
"Wait… is that Harukaze-senpai?"
Yamaguchi wasn't helping either.
"Oh yeah. It's really her."
Now, Yachi-san joined them.
"Harukaze-senpai?"
Oh. She didn't know Harukaze-san yet.
"Ah, she's a friend of the volleyball team."
"Oh. So, Harukaze-kun has an older sister."
His fingers twitched.
Older.
The word slapped him.
Older.
He realized.
She's older.
But then again, what if she's older? Technically, Shimizu-san is older than Tanaka-san. Although Tanaka-san is the only one who shows his affection and Shimizu-san would ignore him, there is still a difference. A year gap.
But…
Older, huh?
He realized that just now. It just sunk to him that Harukaze-san is someone who was born earlier than him. Someone who has gone through the things he's just going through. Especially the final exams. She probably knew what to do study and what to answer since she already went through it.
His eyes widened slightly. That's it!
But Yamaguchi and Yachi already lent their hands just so they can pass and score a high point on the exams. Not to mention, they also have to study for their own, too.
"If there's something you don't understand, ask about it. We, third years will probably be able to teach it to you."
He remembered the captain telling them those words. It didn't matter who of the third years they shall ask for clarifications but it was really reassuring. They're first years, new batch, and they're basically inexperienced in the things their school has in store for their learners. It's like survival of the fittest during its exam times. Knowing any of those from the upper years are key to survival.
That's what he intends to do. But Tobio couldn't decide. Asking Sugawara-san and the other third years might help them a lot. But they're third years, graduating students. The burden in academics could've doubled or tripled. And they're still in the club, too. The same thing could be said to Harukaze-san. As Sugawara-san said, their household situation is complicated. He didn't even know if she's in any club – academic, non-academic, or go-home club.
He shook his head.
No.
He won't ask for her help.
That's what he decided.
Two weeks later, he should've really asked the third-years for help.
I felt like dying.
Looking at the test papers he has just received, he might say that he did better than before. His middle school-self would be surprised to see his grades right now. Yamaguchi's and Yachi's efforts in tutor sessions were a life-saver. Yet, he still failed.
He and Hinata fell behind Tanaka-san and Nishinoya-san. Grateful that he was in a team that pulls everyone up, he was offered by Yachi-san and Ennoshita-san a number of mock exams held every day after training inside the Sakanoshita Shop. Still, his mock results showed that it wasn't enough.
It was two days before the supplementary exams when he received a gift.
The bell has rung signaling lunchbreak. He, Kageyama Tobio, was pressured at the idea of spending the whole Saturday listening to supplementary classes and repeating the same exams until he could get the required points or above. So, he quickly ate his lunch, an onigiri, and hastily brought himself a yogurt at his favorite vending machine before he proceeds to his self-study.
It was on that day when he was approached by the Harukaze Suzaku.
"Kageyama Tobio-san." The blond called.
He looked up at the call of his name. Bluish-green eyes immediately landed on him.
"Oh, so you're Kageyama Tobio-san."
Somehow, this guy reminded him of Tsukishima.
"Yes, I am."
A notebook entered his vision. He blinked.
"A third year wants to give this to you but they are unable to do so at the moment."
He raised an eyebrow. "A third year." He repeated.
Harukaze Suzaku nodded. "They wish you the best and prays that you'll pass." He blinked, still not understanding the situation. "That is all. I shall take my leave."
He wasn't even given a chance to say his gratitude. So, he looked at the notebook.
Reviewer in Modern Literature
for Kageyama Tobio
His eyebrow raised and flipped its pages.
This notebook contains
pointers and summary
of the literature that will
be included in the test.
Ha?
He checked the pages from back to back, scanning the contents, and seeing sticky notes, encircles, underlines in the summary of what their Modern Literature tackled and appeared in the finals that ruined his schedule for Saturday. He was left speechless. Moreover, how did they know he failed Modern Literature?
note:
hello!
a new term has started last thursday. i will be busy accomplishing learning tasks and activities that will take my time writing. however, fortunately, i am six chapters ahead. i will continue to update regularly, every tuesday until the end.
reviews and favorites became one of the things i look forward whenever i update.
thank you very much for your time!
