Chapter Nine:

Ichigo released a soft whine as he finally woke, his head was absolutely killing him and his chest felt bruised, like he'd been kicked by a Hollow; the Shinigami cracked his eyes open slowly and looked around, finding himself alone in a small shōji walled room, laid out on a simple futon.

The overpowering smell of disinfectant and other chemicals burned his nose and made him cringe in distaste before his gaze was captured by the sight of his own reflection in the mirror across the room from him.

His face was gaunt, haunted almost; dark rings circled his eyes, eyes which were shadowed with regret and with fear. His skin was paler than normal, ashen with no hint of the proud blush which sometimes graced his high cheekbones. He looked like a shadow of himself.

The thing which terrified him more than anything else, was the fact he felt terrified. He felt. It was alien, unwanted, claustrophobic and breath snatching. He glanced down as he felt his hands shaking at his sides and he swallowed hard, searching his memories for the last thing he could recall.

Things were fuzzy and confusing, and he soon gave up. Instead, carefully pushing the bedding away from himself, he crawled from the futon and swayed on his feet, reaching for the white yukata hanging not far away, he concealed his body with a shyness he was most unused to.

"What the fuck happened to me?" He croaked, voice raw and raspy, like he'd been screaming relentlessly.

Unsure if he was alone or not, the strawberry haired male looked around for his Zanpakutō, faltering as he realised he couldn't locate Zangetsu anywhere. Even when dipping into his Inner World, the grim spirit was nowhere to be seen, however the sight of his Inner World was something to behold.

The proud city buildings which had formerly stood to attention in hues of blue and black were semi-crumbled and decimated, as though a great battle had taken place. It made no sense to him, as usually after a fight with Zangetsu the surrounding area would repair itself.

No closer to answers, Ichigo left the room, walking tentatively down a long corridor. He could hear voices up ahead, as well as the smell of fresh food and coffee, his footsteps growing faster in response as his gut twisted painfully for sustenance.

Sliding the door open, he peeked inside the room, seeing three things at the same time, all of which confused him even further.

There was a table stuffed with every kind of food he could imagine. His Zanpakutō was being suspended above said table, encased in a glowing blue Kidō cage. And Byakuya Kuchiki was flat on the floor being force fed by a darkly skinned woman who had a long length of purple hair and the largest breasts he'd ever seen.

Perplexed, and wondering if he was actually still asleep, he slid the door shut again and turned to go back to the room he'd abandoned, freezing as the door opened again to revealed a tall blond man garbed in green and white, blond hair half hidden beneath a hat.

"Good morning, Kurosaki-san." The man said, smile hidden behind an ornate looking fan.

"Uh..." He stared into the man's eyes for a long moment, something tickling in the back of his mind before his back stiffened, "Urahara... Kisuke Urahara..."

"My, my, you know of me? I suppose I should be flattered," the blond chuckled, before all humour was dropped at the same time as the fan, "Then again, considering what Aizen-san has likely told you about me... I'll pass."

Ichigo had to fight the urge to take a step back, the aura of danger surrounding the blond was palpable, "Indeed... I don't believe he has ever said a favourable thing about you." He admitted.

The atmosphere seemed to grow darker still, and the young Shinigami began to believe he wouldn't leave the hallway alive but then without warning, Urahara threw his head back and laughed loudly, the tension instantly dissipating in response.

"At least you're honest about it!" The blond grinned widely, "Come in, Kurosaki-san, I'm sure you must be hungry."

It was only with the mention of it, that Ichigo's stomach released a reluctant groan of need, and he remembered the reason for leaving his room. He stepped around the blond man tentatively, glancing at the table of food again, and then to the pair on the floor.

Byakuya looked worse for wear, pale and a little clammy around the edges as he was fed by the buxom woman. It made him uncomfortable to see the noble in such a state, and without saying a word he grabbed as much food as he could and sat in the far corner to eat it, leaning his back against the wall as he released a contented sigh at the good taste now settling in his mouth.

Ichigo watched with a definite discomfort as Urahara sat beside him, sipping deeply from a cup of what smelled like tea. The blond made no attempt to speak to him, or even look at him, apparently watching over the other two people in the room to ensure everything was well.

The silence was killing him, as was the fact that ever so slowly, he was beginning to remember what had happened. His right hand shook with the memory of it swinging his sword towards his Taichou, he clenched it into a tight fist, looking down at his lap as small pieces of information began to click together.

"Where are we?" He asked quietly when he could take it no more.

"We are in my shop, in the World of the Living." Urahara answered without even a second of hesitation, "It seemed the safest place to treat you both after..."

"After I nearly killed him." The strawberry lifted his gaze slowly and looked at the nobleman across the room, "What happened to me? One minute I was fine... Well... Not fine. Distressed maybe, and then I just felt this surge of... Absolute fury and suddenly it was like I became a back seat driver, like I was watching someone else control my actions, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't... I couldn't take it back..."

The blond glanced at him for a moment and then looked away again, "How much do you remember of your conversation with Byakuya-san?"

Pausing to consider the question, he swallowed, "Everything. I remember everything now."

"Good." He sighed, facing the younger man properly, "What Byakuya-san told you was the truth, it appears as a child you were subjected to one of Aizen's experiments, it wiped out your family but somehow left you alive. I am certain you are the only survivor of such an experiment, and as such you became a worthy recipient of his interest. He stole you away to Soul Society by using a special Senkaimon... And then left you to fend for yourself, to see how strong you could become."

Ichigo balked, staring at him with tight lips, no matter how many times he heard it... He couldn't entirely believe it. Everything he knew about Aizen, everything the man knew about him... It was a hard pill to swallow.

"What did he do to me?" Ichigo questioned, voice barely above a whisper.

"He successfully broke down the barrier between a Shinigami's powers, and the powers of a Hollow." There was no lie in his voice, "You already know how... Don't you?"

The strawberry haired male tensed, mind sinking back to the many conversations he had shared with Aizen, Gin and Tōsen. The plan. That long winded plan. The very reason he recognised Kisuke Urahara.

"The Hōgyoku." He closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

"Correct."

"But that doesn't make any sense... He told us... He told us that you were in possession of the Hōgyoku, he had this long ass plan to retrieve it from you... That was what this was always about!" He slammed his head back sharply, cracking it off the wall without so much as a flinch, "Was it all lies?"

"Not entirely." Urahara's tone darkened, "There are... Two Hōgyoku at present. Aizen and I shared the same idea, the same curiosity about how to engorge a Shinigami's power... And as I created one Hōgyoku... He was creating another, in secret. Neither of them ever truly worked as they were meant to, they were missing something... They were missing each other."

"Two halves of the same... Hōgyoku?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes." The blond nodded once, "Once I discovered what he had been doing to the citizens of Rukongai I realised what I had created, and what was required to make it work fully. Fearing what I had wrought I tried to destroy my Hōgyoku... But that was impossible. So I hid it instead, just before I was exiled."

Slumping a little, Ichigo licked his lips, glancing over at the other two in the room again, his eyes danced over the obvious bandages under his Taichou's yukata and he allowed his head to hang, a hand running through his hair restlessly.

"I... I can't believe I let him play me like this..." He croaked, "How could I be so blind..."

"Everyone is blind to Aizen in one way or another," the purple haired woman said suddenly, giving him a sharp look, "The power of his Zanpakutō ensures that."

"His... Zanpakutō?" He repeated.

"Yeah, his perfect illusion technique is... Unbreakable." She nodded, "Once you see his Shikai that's it, you can never escape it. He can make you see, smell, taste, hear and feel anything he wants you to."

Ichigo was feeling sick, such a power was... frightening. His eyes moved from the woman, to the nobleman beside her, their eyes locked in place and he was stunned to see a distinct lack of hatred or anger in those steel orbs.

"Yoruichi-san I think it would be wise to leave these two alone for a little while." Urahara said from beside him, the blond rising to his feet in a fluid motion, "They have much to discuss."

"Will you be alright, Little Byakuya?" The woman asked the noble.

Ichigo was sure he could see a vein pulse in the man's temple as he growled out some response that he couldn't quite hear. He watched as the purple haired woman, Yoruichi, joined Urahara and the pair disappeared through one of the doors in the room, opposite the one he had entered through not long before.

The strawberry grew tense, picking at the remnants of food on his plate, not sure he dare raise his eyes to look at the man across the room. He swallowed hard as he heard the rustle of bedding, followed by strained breath and footsteps, a shadow falling over him.

"Are you determined to wallow over what has been done, or are you going to stride forwards and fight for something better?" Byakuya's voice was stern.

Ichigo flinched and his jaw tightened, "I'm not wallowing."

"And I'm not renown for having a stick up my ass."

Ichigo's eyes shot up at that, eyebrows almost disappearing into his hair as he tried to gauge whether or not he had really just heard that come from the noble's lips, he spluttered slightly before a small giggle escaped him and he clasped a hand over his mouth to silence another.

Byakuya, for his part, had the faintest smile present as he carefully lowered himself down in front of his subordinate and sat cross legged before him, he winced a little and held his chest, but deftly stole an item of food from Ichigo's plate.

"Are you... Are you alright?" Ichigo asked, gaze flicking over the thick bandages he could see.

"While I do believe this is the worst injury I've ever sustained... Urahara assures me I will fully recover." The noble had to lean slightly to one side to achieve any amount of comfort, "I will be fine."

Blowing out a puff of relief, Ichigo felt his shoulders slump, he couldn't put his finger on why it pleased him so much to know the other man would be alright, but it wasn't something he could control. It was just the same as in Karakura town, when his body had acted on its own to defend the man.

"I'm so sorry."

It was Byakuya's turn to look surprised, staring at his strawberry haired subordinate in disbelief, he'd never expected to hear those words from him, "Ichigo..."

"Don't." The strawberry breathed, "What I did to you... Whether I was in control or not... Is unforgivable. I could have killed you. I almost did kill you."

The Kuchiki heir watched him carefully, head tilting a little as he spoke, his stomach did a small flip as something clicked in the back of his head, "Ichigo are you feeling... Actual emotion right now?"

The younger man stared at him, but couldn't hold the gaze for more than a few seconds before he dropped his head into his hands, "Yes... I am..."

"What are you feeling, right now?" He asked, shuffling a little closer and slowly reaching out, resting his hand on the other man's shoulder.

"Anger... Sadness... Guilt and... Fear..." Ichigo looked up slowly, chestnut eyes swimming with unshed tears, "I... I don't know what to do with this feeling... It's so overwhelming... So... Strong... I feel like it is going to crush me... Swallow me whole... I... How do you cope with this feeling every day?"

Byakuya swallowed thickly, pushing up onto his knees and carefully cupping Ichigo's face in his hands, "Emotions... Have never been easy for me either, you know? When I was younger I had a formidable temper, I'd get so angry at the smallest of things. My elders taught me to suppress everything, to hide behind a wall and contain myself."

"How's that working out for you?" He asked shakily, making no effort to move.

"It worked very well... Until you came along." He chuckled humourlessly, "You were such an upstart at Shino, always sticking your nose into trouble, no matter what it cost. You were a far better brother figure to Rukia than I have ever managed to be, protective and kind to her... It used to infuriate me, every day hearing about you from her, 'Ichigo this' and 'Ichigo that' I found myself jealous of the impact you had on her life. Of how much she looked up to you."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow, it was hard to imagine Byakuya being jealous of anything, "I always did get the impression you'd like to hand my ass to me."

"Yes, well... Emotions effect people in strange ways." The noble sighed deeply, "When I learnt that Aizen had staked a claim on you to be in Division Five, along side Renji; Hinamori and Kira I was furious. Despite your obvious penchant for trouble, anyone could see you were incredibly skilled. I had intended to request Renji and yourself for Division Six, but Aizen got there first..."

"Are you..." The strawberry frowned, "Do you blame yourself for what happened to me?"

"Perhaps a little."

"That's ridiculous, if what you told me is true and Aizen... Aizen has had a hand in my life for far longer than I thought, then, there is nothing you could have done." He reached up nervously and rested one of his hands over his Taichou's, "This isn't on you."

"While I thank you for that, I still feel responsible in part at least." Byakuya sighed deeply, "Anyway, my original point was that... It's natural that you're feeling overwhelmed, you've gone for years without a hint or trace of emotion and now suddenly it has been thrust back upon you. It will take time to adjust. You simply have to... Take it one day at a time."

Ichigo nodded once in response before he let out a long shuddering breath, "I'm so sorry. For everything. I... I've done so much... So many terrible things... And I didn't care, I'm still not sure if I do care but I know I feel different..."

"The fact you can apologise with sincerity suggests you have at least some elements of regret."

"I can't repair the damage I've done," he whispered, "What I did to your Third Seat..."

Byakuya closed his eyes for a brief moment and pulled a face, the expression was somewhere between discomfort and anger, "Ichigo... From the very first moment you walked into my office and became my Third Seat, I knew you were Aizen's man on the inside. I mean, who better than someone everyone trusts implicitly. As Renji told me once, despite your disconnection from the people around you, you have a talent for getting people to like you."

"Why did you accept my application if you knew?" Ichigo faltered, allowing his hand to drop back to his lap.

"Because..." The man paused for a long moment, "Because it seemed like the only real way to get any leverage over Aizen. A risky ploy, for sure, to accept his spy willingly... But at the time it seemed like my only option. I was getting no where with my investigation. That is one answer at least, but the absolute truth... Is that I have always respected you, despite my feelings about your relationship with Rukia, I know you are capable of being so much more than you currently are. I care enough to try and see that happen."

The younger man looked startled, sitting back slowly and looking at the floor as his face flushed at the praise, it was different to when Aizen praised him. Aizen's praise was shown in actions, in touches and rewards of a physical nature, casual words were not something that usually passed between them unless they were short on time. But this felt... Cordial, it felt warm and it felt good.

"Thank you."

Byakuya couldn't help but smile slightly, Ichigo's voice had been barely more than a breath but he had heard it. He could already see an incredible difference in the young man, humility; understanding and acceptance to name but a few changes. He was a long way from normality, but it was a start.

The pair fell into a comfortable silence, Ichigo was beginning to feel a little less guilt burdening him and he was finally able to finish eating, Byakuya returned to his makeshift bed on the other side of the room, apparently having exerted himself just a little too much.

Before long, Urahara and Yoruichi returned, the blond returning to his former position beside Ichigo, while the buxom female checked the barrier around the large Zanpakutō still lingering in the middle of the room.

"I expect that you have questions, Kurosaki-san?" The blond asked after a long moment of quiet, looking at the younger man curiously.

"A few... Yes." He nodded, "You are Kuchiki Taichou's informant aren't you? The one who helped him piece the final things together?"

"Correct." The blond said instantly, clearly not concerned about his involvement being known.

"I see... And will I continue to have problems with my... Hollow side surfacing? Is there a way to reverse what was done to me?"

"There is no way to reverse what has been done to you, I'm afraid," Urahara opted to answer the easier question first, "It will be a case of careful management and control. Aptly, you will need to ensure you do not lose control again, if you do... There is a very real risk you could become a fully fledged Hollow, with your reiatsu, you may even become an Arrancar. As for your first question... I fear the answer is yes. Now it has surfaced... You may well have to fight against it for the rest of your life. The best thing we can hope for, if you do lose control, is that you become a Vizard."

"What in the Soul King's name, is a Visored?" Byakuya asked sharply.

"A Shinigami who has been given Hollow powers, it is the correct term for what Ichigo is currently, however, because there is a chance he will lose himself to his Hollow side and has yet to learn how to utilise the power of his darker side, he cannot be considered one in good faith." The former Taichou answered quickly.

"How do you know all this, if you suspect I'm the only one to survive the experiments?" The strawberry asked.

Urahara faltered very visible, drawing ire from both Ichigo and Byakuya for it, "I... Well..." The man sighed, "There is one group... Who survived. Very narrowly, I might add. But I didn't lie, exactly, because they are different to you. They were Shinigami when they were experimented on, and you were Human."

"And this group... They became Visored?"

"Yes..." Urahara trailed off in thought and then smiled widely, "The only positive thing so far is that Aizen doesn't actually know they survived... He believes they were slain by Soul Society. However, that does mean I am rather trusting you not to tell him about them."

Ichigo glanced at him and then towards the nobleman who was watching him carefully, "I can understand why you'd be worried but... Do you truly think I will ever give him any information again? Knowing what I know now?"

"Do you mean that, Ichigo?" Byakuya asked hesitantly, all he had wanted was to free Ichigo from that man's grasp, but it would be a dangerous game of cat and mouse to unravel his plans in such a way that would ensure his capture, but prevent his subordinate coming to harm.

"I mean it." He said firmly, "Aizen... Aizen has been good to me, I know it sounds stupid... But it is true. He trained me, tutored me, believed in me when no one else did, he gave me a purpose beyond breathing... And I owe him for that... But... I know, in my heart, that what you've told me is true. I can't carry on that existence... I can't betray the memory of my family."

"That is very brave, Kurosaki-san." Urahara murmured, patting the young man's back, "You know you will be in danger, yes? He may kill you if he discovers that you no longer serve him."

"Of that... I have no doubt." The strawberry clenched a fist, "But I will not be manipulated any longer!"

The Kuchiki heir felt a swell of pride in his chest as he watched Ichigo master himself, there was a glimmer of strength returning in the wake of the fear he'd mentioned, he was proud of him.

"If it's not too much trouble, I have a few more questions." Ichigo's voice was different now, more certain, more sure, "For a start... Why is Zangetsu up there?"

Yoruichi glanced over her shoulder towards the strawberry before she chuckled, "I'll answer that. We had no idea if you would turn again while unconscious, the safest way to protect ourselves was to separate you from your Zanpakutō using this protective barrier."

That made sense really, he couldn't help but agreed with the logic, "What do we do now?"

"We will return to Soul Society tomorrow morning," Byakuya stated calmly, "I require the rest of today to heal to a suitable condition, and then we will be returning. I contacted Renji when I woke earlier this morning, and informed him that we had been called away on an urgent mission. He is taking care of the Division while we are away."

The thought of returning shook Ichigo, his palms turned clammy, "How can I go back?"

"What do you mean?" The noble asked, confusion colouring his voice.

Waving his hands in the search for an appropriate answer, he huffed, "How can I go back there? Knowing what I've done, knowing what I am..."

"Am I to understand that my Third Seat is disobeying a direct order?"

"Wha-" He paused, "You still want me to be your Third Seat? After all this?"

Byakuya's eyes seemed to flicker with some emotion that Ichigo couldn't place, before he then sighed and folded his arms, nodding once, "Of course I do. As you told me on the day you applied... You more than qualify for the position. Nothing has changed."

"But I have... I have changed!" Ichigo protested, "Aizen knows his own work, better than anyone! All it will take is one look and he will know... He will know that I can... Feel. He will still expect the same of me... Information about you and your investigation. If I go back like this... I'll be dead before I reach the Division."

"I believe I can assist you with that, Kurosaki-san." Urahara smiled widely, fluttering his fan in front of his face as he held up what appeared to be a Gikon, "It only took a few hours to synthesise... This is a modified Gikon, rather than pushing your soul out of a Gigai, it suppresses your emotions. Taking one of these every six hours will ensure you can maintain the appearance of feeling nothing."

Ichigo spluttered, taking the item from him instantly, "This is... That's... What the fuck..."

Turning the tube of tablets over in his palm, Ichigo felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, even if he could maintain the facade of being emotionless, there were still things that Aizen would expect of him. The sex, for one thing, was something he knew the other man would still anticipate, if not for Ichigo's extended stamina in the bedroom, it would be for the stress relief.

His eyes slipped closed and he felt his skin crawl, remembering the moments they had shared together, the things he had allowed that man to do to him, without a care in the world. He'd offered himself on a plate and not cared even a little bit. As far as Aizen was aware, he was a deviant in the bedroom, emotionless or otherwise.

Deciding to deal with that problem if it arose, Ichigo suddenly frowned and looked around, "Say... Urahara-san, you said you hid your Hōgyoku before you were exiled, right?"

"Yes, Kurosaki-san, that is correct." The blond nodded.

"Well... Where did you hide it?"

The man seemed to grow incredibly uncomfortable at that question and removed his hat slowly from on top of his head, "I... Concealed it inside of a Gigai, an adapted one at that. It was altered so that rather than help restore a Shinigami's reiatsu over time, it actually sapped more and more away, until they essentially became Human."

"That's..." Ichigo trailed off as a thought occurred to him, "Wait, what happened to it once you were exiled?"

"I brought it with me, but..." The man's eyes flickered towards Byakuya for a moment, "It was mistakenly given to a visiting Shinigami to use while they traversed the World of the Living during a mission."

"How does that kind of accident happen?"

"On purpose," Byakuya muttered from the corner, "The Shinigami in question was used as a scape goat, as a means to make sure the power of the Hōgyoku could never truly be Aizen's. A sloppy way to do business, Urahara."

"Yes..." The blond trailed off, looking down.

Ichigo felt an immediate discomfort towards how the man was acting, "It didn't go according to plan, did it?"

Urahara glanced at him, and then at Yoruichi before he groaned and stood up, "Not entirely, the... Gigai malfunctioned and was called back to Soul Society, cutting short the Shinigami's stay here. They were meant to remain here indefinitely, under the radar... But instead they're back there, closer to Aizen than ever and..."

"And?" Ichigo slowly got to his feet as well, looking at the man sharply.

"The Gigai's primary function worked. It transferred the Hōgyoku from the storage chamber inside of it... Into the soul of the Shinigami. So technically, the Hōgyoku will still be having some form of an effect on them." The man held his hands up defensively as it seemed Ichigo would punch him if he didn't answer fully.

"What sort of effects?"

"Nothing severe, just some slight flu symptoms." He shrugged.

"That's not so bad then." Ichigo relaxed a little, but it lasted only a second before his back went rigid and he met Byakuya's gaze, "Oh no... Oh no, no, no!"

"I fear we're on the same thought wave." The noble growled, his reiatsu flaring with anger.

"What... Am I missing?" Urahara asked nervously, rubbing the back of his head.

"There's one Shinigami who has been presenting with those symptoms recently... Ever since they got back from a mission in the World of the Living." Ichigo breathed, sucking in a breath, "Urahara-san... I think the Hōgyoku is inside Rukia."