Chapter Twelve:

Much as he had expected, when Ichigo woke he had a pounding headache and a hangover from hell, half falling out of bed he barely made it to the safety of the toilet basin before he threw up, clasping the edges like they were they difference between life and death itself.

Slithering out of his soiled uniform and into the shower, he groaned as he washed himself, inwardly hoping the combination of soap and hot water would ease some of his pain. He was going to kill Matsumoto the next time he saw her, she had been the one to introduce shots in the midst of the saké they had been throwing back. Everything had been fine until that point.

Clambering back out of the shower, he dried off and pulled on a fresh shihakusho, grabbing his mood suppressors from the dirty one which he left on the bathroom floor, deciding he'd deal with the mess later. He resisted the urge to pop one of the pills, he wanted to see Byakuya and talk about his meeting with Aizen soon, he wanted to feel while doing so.

Right now the only thing he was interested in was a strong cup of tea and pain relief. With sluggish movements he completed his morning rituals and opted to sate his craving, downing three cups of the beverage before he even remotely began to feel Human again.

The only thing which gave him any pleasure was knowing that Renji would be in just as much discomfort.

Wincing at the bright morning light as he left his room, fourth cup of tea very much in hand, he decided to venture to Byakuya's office, residing himself to tell him about his talk with Aizen the day before.

Rapping his knuckles against the door and waiting patiently, he glanced around the Division behind him, there was a strange tickle on the back of his neck which suggested he was being watched, but he couldn't see anyone obviously burrowing a hole with their eyes.

Almost falling as the door opened suddenly, he looked around to see the very bloodshot eyes of his friend standing in front of him, "Renji! I wasn't expecting you to be awake this early."

"Mm." Was the only reply he got.

"I'm here to see Kuchiki Taichou, is he in?"

"Mm." The redhead stepped back and ushered Ichigo inside, sliding the door shut behind him before returning to his seat in front of the noble's desk.

The moment the door shut, Ichigo felt a dense tension slide over the room, it was all encompassing and inescapable, impossible to ignore and looking between his Taichou and Fukutaichou he could see they were equally as uncomfortable.

"Did I... Interrupt something?" He asked.

"In a manner of speaking." Byakuya murmured, taking a breath, "I have been filling Abarai in on... Everything."

Ichigo's back stiffened and he could barely bring himself to meet Renji's gaze for fear of what he'd see there, swallowing, he glared at the cup in his hand instead, "Would it be easier for me to come back later?"

"No." The raven haired Kuchiki said bluntly, adjusting the scarf around his shoulders before glancing at Renji, "You understand don't you, Abarai?"

Renji's reaction was barely more than a huff, "Yes, Taichou."

The Third Seat hovered, he couldn't help but wonder how Renji had initially reacted to the news. The knowledge that the person who was meant to be his best friend had not only been lying to him for the past several years, but had also butchered one of his subordinates and conspired to betray Soul Society. Ichigo gulped back his worry.

"I... I understand if you hate me, Renji... I would in your position..." He raised his head slowly, meeting the look of fury aimed at him as the redhead got to his feet.

He'd expected several reactions, shouting and screaming, maybe some shaking and ranting. But he hadn't quite anticipated Renji punching him in the face. Ichigo hit the floor, feeling the lukewarm dregs of his tea splash over his chest as he clutched his mouth, the first tepid drips of blood staining his skin. He could have dodged it, he was sure everyone present knew that. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. A punch in the face, after years of lies, was the least he deserved.

"Hate you?!" Renji barked, "You think I hate you? Idiot!"

"Why wouldn't you hate me?" Ichigo staggered to his feet as he wiped his smeared palm on his uniform, ignoring the metallic taste on his tongue, "I've played you for almost as long as we've known each other. Lied, cheated, betrayed and plotted behind your back. I would have killed you if he had asked me to."

"I don't believe that, not even for a second!" The Fukutaichou clenched a fist, "Killing someone you barely know is nothing... But someone you grew up with, someone who's practically family? I don't believe you could have done it."

"You're still being blind!" The strawberry snapped suddenly, anger flaring uncharacteristically, "All these years, and you've never seen what was right under your nose! I felt nothing towards you, nothing towards Rukia, I didn't care about you. I didn't like you. I used you."

"I don't believe you." Renji's jaw tightened, "I knew you had problems, I knew you were distant and cold and struggled to feel things. But if what you're saying is true... Why did you storm into Kuchiki Taichou's office when we found out he was planning to graduate Rukia before the end of the academic year? Why did you fight so hard to let her have her independence? I was a nervous wreck facing him about it! But you? You were bold, strong and determined. Do you think for one minute you would have done that if you didn't at least care a little bit, Ichigo?"

Ichigo faltered, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find something to explain his actions, instead his shoulders slumped, "Maybe you're right. Maybe you're not. I don't know... But even if it is true... I murdered innocent people, plotted to kill more... How can you not hate me for that?"

"Because, idiot, I am your friend." The redhead's voice was barely more than a growl, "I am furious with you. For isolating yourself, for never opening up properly, and for thinking I'm too thick to understand what was wrong with you. But... I will never. Ever. Hate. You."

"What would you have wanted me to say?!" He exclaimed, "'Hi Renji, just so you know, I've been merrily plotting the downfall of Seireitei with my Taichou slash fuck buddy'?! Do you think it's easy for me to open up to you, even now?!"

Renji looked set to reply, but his eyes widened suddenly, "Wait... Fuck buddy? Holy shit... Hinamori was right all along..."

Spluttering in disbelief, Ichigo's gaze snapped to the nobleman who was still sat so calmly behind his desk, "You didn't tell him about me sleeping with... Wait-wait-wait... What do you mean Hinamori was right?!"

Renji shrugged, "She suggested something was going on... It doesn't matter! You should have said something! Anything!"

Byakuya cleared his throat, "I was merely attempted to spare your embarrassment."

"Ugh." He rolled his eyes in defeat and ran a hand through his hair, "Renji... The truth is that I really fucked up. Badly. And now, I'm in an impossible situation, and it terrifies me. Or... It does now I can feel again. I've been an idiot... Blind, and gullible and... I'm sorry. I am so... Sorry. I've been a shit friend."

His friend faltered at his brutal candidness, reaching out and gently resting a hand on his shoulder, "It's okay. From what Taichou has said it doesn't sound like all of it is your fault, you were... Manipulated horribly by a man you should have been able to trust. He's a monster."

The strawberry chuckled weakly, "Story of my life I guess," he glanced at the third person in the room again, "Did you tell him everything? About... My old life as well?"

"Yes, he is aware of absolutely every detail. I considered concealing it initially, but... Somehow I think he would have seen through it." Byakuya replied simply, "I have also brought him up to speed on everything concerning... What we spoke about at Urahara's."

"I see." He hummed, letting out a long breath, "I came here to talk to you about what happened with Aizen yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Renji frowned.

"Mm," he nodded once, "When we came back he was waiting for us, he took me back to his office so we could talk."

"I am assuming he wanted to know why we disappeared." Byakuya tutted.

"Yeah, as well as why I haven't been reporting back any recent information." He slowly moved around and took a seat, sitting back, "I fed him the story we came up with about why we went missing, and he seemed to believe me. But there's really no way to know for sure."

"We will have to wait and see, there's nothing else we can do in relation to that," the noble mused, "Was anything else discussed?"

"Yes..." he trailed off, picking at his sleeve thoughtfully for a moment, "He... Ugh this is awkward, he instructed me to seduce you in order to gain information."

"Excuse me?" Byakuya's eyes widened for half a second, "Seduce me?"

"I said it was awkward." He grumbled, "It's not like I'm going to follow through with it, I don't have any reason to report back anymore but... It's going to become glaringly obvious to him that I've betrayed him if I don't start feeding him something."

Renji glanced between the two men, they seemed so comfortable with each other now, a vast difference to how they had been even as recently as a month ago. To him, at least, it seemed like there was some unspoken bond between them, something they shared irrevocably and possibly without realising it themselves.

Last night was a blur for the redhead, he barely remembered anything after the shots had appeared at the table, but there was one memory which seared deeply into the forefront of his mind. Ichigo's smile. They'd known each other for a long time, the years had gone so quickly, and yet he could remember them all and not even once had Ichigo flashed him a smile that showed even an inch of truth behind it.

He'd known for a long time that his friend was broken, the facade he wore day after day had grown stronger with each passing year but to someone who had been watching for so long, it was just a mask. He'd tried to find out why Ichigo never really smiled or showed any kind of emotion, but he'd never managed to reach the bottom of that rather troublesome puzzle.

Other people had fallen for Ichigo's tricks, thinking he was just awkward or uncomfortable, but Renji never had. There'd been something missing, something which had been stolen along with that smile. Last night had been a shock, seeing that warmth in his eyes had shaken him to the core, so much so that he hadn't slept and had imposed upon his Taichou at a ridiculous hour. For once, the noble had been understanding, almost seeming to expect him, and it had been at that moment he had begun to discover the true depths of Ichigo's life.

It had sickened him, at first, to realise that the person he considered his best friend was a traitor, that he had murdered their previous Third Seat in such a brutal and horrific manner. But when Byakuya had defended him he realised there had to be more to it, because if someone who adhered to the rules as much as him could defend betrayal there was something far bigger at play.

Hearing about Ichigo's Human life was hard, to find out that something so horrific had happened at the hands of a man like Aizen, someone who commanded the respect of his subordinates and fellow Taichou. Realising just how far the man had sunk into darkness was a worrying development, but it had helped him to understand Ichigo better, to understand his distance and disconnection to the world around him.

It made so much more sense to him, he'd been confused when Ichigo had appeared on his doorstep the evening before and asked if they could get everyone together for drinks. It was so utterly out of character, something he didn't think Ichigo had ever done in fact. He'd tried to ignore it at first, simply happy his friend wanted to spend time with everyone and have fun, but now that he was up to speed he realised that it had been Ichigo's first step in trying to put things right, in his own way.

He had missed out on so much, on so many things because of his life style, he'd pushed people away and been purposefully cold, and now he was trying to pick up the pieces and put everything back together again. Renji was kind of honoured to know that the first step had started with him.

Even now Ichigo was talking more animatedly than he'd ever known him to, clearly passionate and determined. Smiling faintly, Renji finally sat back down as well, eyes moving to his Taichou, there was something different about him as well, a certain glimmer in his eyes that he'd never noticed before.

"Renji," the noble suddenly interrupted his thoughts, "I want you to increase the amount of time you spend with Rukia, if Aizen ever finds out about her... He will try to take her from us by force. I am trusting you with her safety."

Eyes widening slightly, Renji swallowed hard and nodded, "I will not let you down, Taichou."

"I know." There was the faintest glimmer of a smile there before it was gone again, "She is at Division Four currently, last nights' antics apparently did not agree with her. Feel free to head over when you are ready and find any excuse to stick by her side."

"I will go now." The redhead jumped back up, pausing and glancing at Ichigo, smiling at him toothily, "We are definitely going drinking again when this is all over, I want to get to know the real you when you're off those pills. You'd best not disappoint me!"

Ichigo looked surprised at his demands, but shock soon turned to relief and a warm smile spread across his face, "You can count on it, Renji. The first round... Is on me."

"Well, if that doesn't tell me you've changed I don't know what will." His grin only widened before he departed with all the grace of a hurricane.

As the door slammed shut, Ichigo turned his attention back to Byakuya, sighing deeply as he considered the entire event which had just unfolded. He couldn't quite believe that Renji didn't hate him, or want him dead, it was even more unbelievable that he still wanted to be his friend. Maybe he hadn't been giving him enough credit, although he had to admit his face was aching like mad. He'd forgotten how hard Renji could punch.

"Are you alright?" Byakuya asked quietly.

"Yeah, unexpectedly." He murmured.

"Renji really seems to care about you, I'm guessing you never realised before."

"You're right." He agreed, feeling a little guilty, "But I'm glad I saw it before it was too late. He's a good guy."

"Mm, after all, you are not the only one he has had to forgive for having the emotional range of a teaspoon." The noble smirked faintly, "I didn't believe he would still want to be my Fukutaichou after everything that happened when I adopted Rukia into my family."

"Believe me, I sometimes wonder how the two of you didn't kill each other." Ichigo snorted as he reluctantly pulled his mood suppressors from his pocket and swallowed one, "But things seemed to have... Worked out well."

"I agree." The raven haired man stood up, walking around the desk towards his subordinate, he glanced down at him, "Come, let us walk."

Together they walked their way out of the Division, meandering their way through Seireitei until the sight of cherry blossoms caught Ichigo's attention and he found himself stood at the entrance to the Kuchiki Estate. He'd never set foot anywhere near it before, and it was far more elaborate than he had ever imagined. Blossoms lined every walkway and littered around the grounds like pink beacons; the sound of running water drew his gaze and he took a few minutes to appreciate the fresh water streams trickling through the area, leading towards a vast koi pond around the side of the mansion.

"You live here?" He breathed.

"When I am off duty, yes." The noble led him down the front path, taking the side route towards the pond he had seen only moments ago, it was even larger up close.

"It's beautiful." He felt a lump in his throat, never having been so enamoured by his surroundings alone.

"Thank you."

Ichigo cast his eyes around with interest as they sat at the edge of the water, he could see various smaller buildings scattered around the edges of the land, as well as what appeared to be the entrance to a graveyard site, he had heard the Kuchiki Estate had its own cemetery, specially reserved for the passing of its' leaders, but it was still strange to actually see it. He couldn't quite believe how large the land was, he was sure that if he stood at one of the far sides he wouldn't be able to see the other with any kind of ease.

"Now that we are away from prying eyes and pricked ears," Byakuya glanced at him, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," he answered, "I've been repressing my emotions as best I can, aside from a slip up last night. Turns out alcohol makes the effect wear off quicker, so I'll remember for next time."

"I was worried when you didn't come back last night, I feared Aizen had done something to you."

"I... I apologise." He swallowed, "I wanted to start repairing my friendships and... Completely forgot to report back."

"I'm not angry, I'm glad you are making an effort with your friends, Rukia seemed particularly elated when she popped by last night." The noble sighed softly, "Did anything else happen, while you were with Aizen?"

"No... Not really." He shrugged and then paused, grimacing slightly, "Actually... I think I owe Ukitake Taichou a very big drink though. Aizen was getting... Well, you know... Demanding."

"So soon?" Byakuya frowned, "Thank the Soul King for Jūshirō then."

"You seem troubled by it, I already told you I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep up appearances." Ichigo couldn't help but notice the expression on the other's face.

"Regardless, it is hard not to be disturbed by the idea."

"Even more so when he started making advances almost right after suggesting I seduce you." He scoffed, "I mean, I know I'm attractive but even I can't work miracles."

"Oh?" Byakuya raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Well, you had a wife," the strawberry laid back on the grass, allowing his legs to stretch out as he gazed up at the bright blue sky which was occasionally intruded upon by the waving branches of pink blossoms overhead, "Everyone knows you've never had another partner since she passed away."

Byakuya chuckled softly at his words, thinking about Hisana for a long moment, "She was beautiful, every inch a noble in every way except her birth. And you are correct, I have not sought another partner since her death, but that doesn't mean I never would."

"Yeah, but Kuchiki honour and all that, I bet there's some rule somewhere about not sleeping with other men, right?" He closed his eyes and yawned softly.

"There might be," he agreed, looking down at him, "However, you may have realised that I have been breaking quite a few rules recently."

"That's true enough, I can honestly say it still surprises me." Ichigo put his hands behind his head and enjoyed the sound of the fish swimming around near his feet, "It's funny really, I don't think I ever failed a mission for him."

"It would be a great shame to tarnish that record."

Ichigo snorted at that, but was silenced by the sensation of satin soft lips brushing his own with a tentative delicacy; his eyes flashed open for confirmation and his face tinged red as he saw that veil of raven hair fluttering against his cheek, smelled the subtle fragrance of blossom. He wasn't imagining it. Byakuya Kuchiki was...

Reaching up carefully, he slid his fingers into the plush locks of dark hair and allowed his eyes to slide shut as he gave into the feeling of lips persistent on his own, a shuddering groan escaping him as the noble's tongue slipped into his mouth and twirled with his own.

Warmth blossomed in his chest, giving him a fluttering feeling of flight, swallowing hard as the noble slowly pulled back, soft flush on pale cheeks; the strawberry looked up at him with an innocent surprise, allowing his hand to fall back to his side.

"As I said," Byakuya's voice was subtly shaky, "It would be a shame to tarnish your record."

"I..." He trailed off, not sure his brain was working well enough to form a sentence, "You like guys?"

"I don't believe in labels." The noble's lips twitched towards a half smile.

There was a heavy rushing sound in his ears as his eyes fixed on that smile, he swore to the Soul King that Byakuya Kuchiki had never looked quite that sexy before, and as if to prove that point, he leaned up abruptly and clasped the back of the man's head, pulling him back in for a second kiss.

Rougher and less hesitant, lips and tongues tangled as fingers found hair or clothing, drawing on anything they could to be as close as possible. Confidence grew and Ichigo felt his back hit the floor again as Byakuya pinned him in place, bodies pressing against one and other in a heated meeting.

When they parted, Ichigo was pleased to see that the noble was just as undone as he was, the variable blush on his face glowing brightly, mirroring his own. The younger man panted softly, gazing up at his superior with a vaguely confused expression.

"What's that face for?" The noble asked quizzically, running a finger down his cheek.

"Is this... Because you don't want me to tarnish my reputation or..." He trailed off, struggling to find the words, "Something more?"

Byakuya seemed genuinely bemused for a moment, a single eyebrow quirked, "Do you truly believe I would kiss you for the sake of proving a point to Aizen?"

"So... You like me?" He couldn't help but ask.

"That should be obvious."

"Since when? I mean how long..."

"Does it really matter?" When Byakuya received a sharp look in return he sighed, "When you and Renji stormed into my office after I adopted Rukia and told me that if I didn't look after her properly I'd have to deal with the pair of you, I was impressed. I could tell that Renji was nervous, scared even, but you? You were bold, daring and confident. You didn't care about my position or my personal opinion. Honestly? No one has ever challenged me like that."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow, casting his mind back, "But that was... During Shino."

"Yes."

"It's been three... Nearly four years since then!"

"Yes?" The noble said again.

The strawberry blinked, "You've liked me for that long, and never said a word?"

"Why would I?" He rolled onto his side, brushing his fingers over Ichigo's cheek, "I was very aware of Aizen's reiatsu on your body and knew it wasn't my place to interfere."

He balked at the revelation, "You can sense reiatsu to that degree?"

"As easily as breathing."

Ichigo rolled onto his side as well, propping his head up as a thought occurred to him, "Is that why you said you felt guilty that you hadn't recruited me for Division Six before Aizen snagged me?"

"In part." He nodded.

Blowing out a breath, Ichigo felt slightly uncertain, "You know I've never... I mean... Relationships..."

"You don't have to explain."

"I do though." He muttered, running a hand through his strawberry locks, "I mean... I had my share of partners through Shino, I wasn't exactly shy about having sex. But... They were flings, nothing more. Aizen is... Kind of the only long term 'relationship' I've ever had. So, I don't exactly have a good experience with that kind of thing."

"I'm not expecting anything, Ichigo, admittedly... Kissing you was an impulse..." The noble smiled faintly, apparently slightly embarrassed, "I don't expect commitment beyond what you are willing to offer... It is simply a relief to have shared my own... Feelings shared and in the open at last."

Ichigo sat up, resting an arm on his knee as he considered his words, "Byakuya..."

"Mm?"

"I know my emotions are back, and I have felt a lot of things because of it but..." He paused, shoulders slumping slightly, "I don't know if I would ever be able to love you."

"Ichigo I don't expect you to-"

"That's not it!" He cut him off, fisting a handful of grass, "You deserve someone who can give you that. It's not about expecting it, it's about deserving it. And... I know that I like you, I worry for you... I do. But I don't know if I am capable of more than that."

Byakuya sat up slowly, resting his hand over Ichigo's clenched one, "You talk about what I deserve as if it's the only important part of this. It's about what you deserve as well. And you deserve someone who is willing to give you the time and patience to become yourself again, and that is what I want to give you. What ever you decide to offer, what ever you decide you want... I am content to simply see you make your own choices."

His hand relaxed slowly and he turned it, linking their fingers without a thought, "I... I guess that is a good start."

"I agree."

"You know..." Ichigo hesitated, "There's a lot of stuff you still don't know about me... About stuff I've done... I've made a massive mess of everything and no matter how hard I try, I'm not sure I'll ever put it all right..."

"I am willing to listen if you ever desire to share your thoughts. But I shall not pressure you into it." The nobleman said quietly.

"I'll tell you sometime. Not right now... But... You'd best be prepared for a shock." He muttered.

Ichigo shivered as he felt the other man's reiatsu reach out and tangle with his own, it was a subtle; tender action meant to be comforting and soothing, but all it did was ignite the fire he'd felt previously and he allowed his own power to mingle, trying to express himself better through it than with words.

There was no reluctance or misinterpretation, just acceptance and understanding. It was far more soothing than any physical touch he had ever received. He felt himself relax and slowly allowed his body to rest back against the chest of the nobleman, feeling arms encircle him protectively.

"We just had to make this more complicated huh?" He murmured softly as he looked at the pond again.

"Life is only worth living when you have things and people of importance around you. We have a tough fight heading our way, I for one am pleased to have made myself clear before it hits."

Ichigo made a small sound of agreement, his head was buzzing with thoughts. Finally, things were beginning to make sense. His instinctual desire to protect the nobleman in the World of the Living, his inability to outright lie to his face for long, the unexpected trust he put in the man, the safety he felt at his side. His instincts had known, seemingly long before he had, that there was something deceptively special about the Kuchiki heir.