A/N: And with that, this part of Azhasca's tale is complete! But stay tuned ladies, gentlemen, and assorted non-binary and genderfluid organisms, because we have a super-special guest episode to come! You heard it here first!
The rest of the journey to Risa passed uneventfully, with Azh and Elliott working out their sleeping arrangements without issue...for as long as they lasted.
Elliott, determined to make things easier for Azh, decided to sleep on the floor and replicated a couple of extra blankets for himself. When Azh asked him to stay close, he made his makeshift bed next to her borrowed bunk, and the two talked about their respective tours before falling asleep.
Until, as usual, Azhasca was woken up by yet another nightmare, and - forgetting she wasn't alone - began crying.
Elliott sat up, slowly moving onto the bunk to sit next to her.
"I'm here, Azh," he said softly, after a moment of thinking what best to say to her.
She looked up at him almost shocked, until she remembered where they were and why Elliott was there, and she scrubbed at her eyes furiously.
"S-sorry, if I woke you," she told him, her voice still trembling, "it...it's nothing. I-I'll be okay. Go back to sleep."
"You want to talk about it?"
"Nothing to talk about," she answered flatly, raising her emotional walls again.
This time, however, Elliott would not be swayed.
"Azh," he started, keeping his voice low and gentle, "you came on this retreat to start dealing with...whatever past trauma you're dealing with. You invited me because you wanted us...I don't know, but it seemed you wanted to not push people away anymore, not push me away." He paused, resting a hand on her arm. "I'm not asking you to open up to me straight away, not even asking you to talk at all if you don't want to...but I want you to accept support from people who care about you. I'm here, Azh. I always will be, whether you want me to be or not. So whatever you need, please tell me. I'm here for you."
"I need-" Azh started to say, her voice cold and vicious, but she cut herself off as she remembered Foxfor's words to her in the corridor. Elliott was being respectful and supportive, and had for the first time mentioned - however vaguely - his feelings for her - and still her first response had been to try and shut him out. She took a deep breath, moving her hand to find his, and squeezed it gently.
"I...could really use some comfort right now," she said, her voice breaking as fresh tears began to spill down her cheeks.
Immediately Elliott drew her carefully into a caring hug, and she held tightly onto him as she cried into his shoulder. He said nothing, instead letting her cry as much as she needed. Then, in equal silence, Azh lay back down, pulling Elliott onto the bunk beside her, before falling asleep curled up against his back, her arm curled tightly around his waist.
He smiled to himself, rested his hand on hers, and slowly drifted back to sleep.
They were woken up the next morning by the wake-up call they had set with the computer, and Elliott falling out of bed the minute Azh stretched her arm.
"Oh shit, you alright?" she asked, although her chuckle didn't add to the sincerity.
"Yep," Elliott groaned, pulling himself back up using the side of the bed. "Nothing bruised but my ego. Maybe my leg."
He began hobbling over to the replicator to get breakfast, and Azh lounged in the bed, smiling at his display.
"Well, I'm sure Sickbay has something that could solve that," she said with a soft chuckle. "We could head down there before we leave, if you like."
"Nah, I'll bear my wounds with stoicism and honour," Elliott said, deliberately emphasising his limp. "Besides, the women of Risa would positively swoon over a wounded war hero."
Azhasca laughed, throwing a pillow at Elliott's head, which connected perfectly and knocked him down again.
"Try that again and it'll be no breakfast for you, young lady," he told her, throwing the pillow back before collecting the tray. "I know raktajino and pancakes are hardly a gourmet breakfast, but maybe one day I'll be able to take you somewhere really nice."
They ate the breakfast in relative silence, before getting dressed, collecting their luggage and heading for the transporter room.
They found Foxfor waiting for them when they arrived, and the tall captain inclined her head in greeting.
"I trust you had a pleasant night?"
"We did, thank you Captain," Elliott answered, and Foxfor smiled.
"I am glad. While no captain likes to play cruise liner, you two did make my duty considerably more bearable, and for that I thank you," she said softly, and gestured to the transporter pad with her excessively long fingers. However, as Azh moved to follow Elliott onto the pad, Foxfor stopped her, stooping low to whisper into Azh's ear.
"Remember my advice, my dear," she said, "I guarantee you will not regret it."
She let the young Trill go, smiling to them both as she bid them one last farewell, and then they were gone in a golden shimmer of light.
They reappeared in a small, circular clearing amid tall tropical trees, a paved path leading towards the main resort building, and they both took a moment to breathe in the fresh air.
"This...is going to be great," Azh said, more to herself than anyone else, but Elliott nodded in agreement.
"I can't disagree there. I've been meaning to visit Risa for years, and...it was worth the wait."
They followed the path towards the large main building, people wearing anti-gravity floater packs flitting about above them, while others were walking the paths and enjoying the scenery at a more sedate pace. They arrived at the checking in desk, and Azh gave their names to the check-in clerk, who informed them arrangements had been made for them to stay in a luxury suite.
"Would you like a complimentary hor'gahn?" she asked, her soft voice dripping with artificial sweetness, gesturing to a peculiar statue nearby.
"No, we won't need one, thanks," Azh told her, before Elliott could accept one. The clerk gave her the keycard for the room, pointed the way to their room, and bid them a very pleasant stay, and Azh linked her arm with Elliott's and led the way.
"But I wanted a weird statue," he complained quietly. "Why didn't you want one?"
"I'll tell you when you're older," Azh answered without missing a beat, and continued walking to their room.
Elliott took the chance to get changed into his ridiculous summer outfit again, before Azh unceremoniously shoved him outside and said she was getting changed herself. A few minutes later she stepped out again, in her red bikini and soft pink sarong, wearing some dark sunglasses and a straw hat similar to Elliot's own. She also looked faintly uncomfortable, as if she was on the verge of grabbing a T-shirt again.
"So...how do I look?" she asked, trying to hide another uncharacteristic blush.
Elliott took several moments to answer, because he couldn't believe what he saw.
For as long as he had known Azh, she had been a figure of innate skill and professionalism, efficient and competent if a little tightly wound. Even then he'd considered her beautiful, and he admired her abilities.
Then there was...that night, the one she never mentioned, and Elliott had seen that she was capable of immense passion, however much she tried to distance herself from it. But everything about her, the competence, the strength, the loyalty to her crew, the passion...it all made a woman that at some point he had utterly fallen in love with.
Now, that same woman was standing in front of him, and yet she looked completely different - her dark purple hair freed from its confines, now hanging just above her shoulders, and her mild discomfort about her attire lending her a degree of vulnerability...and he fell in love all over again.
"You look...amazing," he breathed, unable to take his eyes off her. Azh said nothing, but blushed a little at the compliment and moved beside him, letting the door close as they began walking.
"So...uh...what...what did you want to do?" Elliott asked after a moment, still trying to get used to seeing Azh this way.
"Well...I want to walk the island a bit. See the sights. Then we'll come back and have dinner by the bay. Or lunch. Depending on the time," she said with a nervous chuckle.
"Sounds good," Elliott told her, and they began walking towards one of the trails cut through the steep hills.
As they walked, Elliott felt Azh slowly slip her hand into his, and he could feel the tension leaving her as her grip softened over time. Not all of it, of course - there was tension around her discomfort that she deliberately forced herself to endure, around whatever she planned to talk to him about, and that made her uneasy - but the stress of the battle they'd been in, of her nightmares, that was leaving, however temporarily.
They walked in relative silence, only speaking to point out an interesting sight, some new creature they'd seen, or to make idle small-talk. They both knew they would have much more to talk about when they stopped to have dinner, but more than that it was a feeling of being comfortable in each others' company, a sense of not needing to speak all the time.
They eventually made their way back towards the main resort building over an hour later, made their way to the upstairs bar, and ordered meals and drinks before finding a table that looked out over the bay.
"I have a question for you," Azh said, stirring her cocktail with the straw, "when you told Q'oriss that diplomats were annoying, I got the impression you spoke from experience, and I didn't get much chance to bring it up again."
Elliott nodded, smacking his lips as he finished a long sip of his own drink.
"Mhm. Before you brought me onto your team, I served as an engineer on the Argo, a Presidio-class stationed out near DS9."
"Fuck, a Presidio? No wonder you know your business then, captains of those have a reputation to maintain."
Elliott nodded again.
"Exactly. But one time, I remember the ship was picking up some diplomats for...some conference or another, I forget what. But all of them, and I mean all of them, insisted on having a tour of the ship, including the engine room. Imagine twenty diplomats being shoved into an engine room, which even on a Presidio is still a cramped and busy space, and then several of them start touching things they shouldn't and whining to the 'guide' that they weren't allowed to do what they wanted."
"Oh no!" Azh laughed. "What did you do?"
"Well I was already pissed off because we kept having some power relays blow out on occasion, so I'd spent half the day replacing those. So when one these idiots insisted on sticking his stupid fingers in where they shouldn't been, I got right in his face and said to him,'if you don't stop touching things you have no clue about I will ram this hyperspanner so far down your throat you'll have to have it removed surgically!'"
Azh shook her head in disbelief, sipping her own drink.
"I can't believe you ever had an outburst like that," she said, and Elliott smirked.
"Quite honestly it was literally the only time I ever have, and it was purely because I'd been having a bitch of a day," he told her. "Plus it landed me with my first and only verbal reprimand."
Azh laughed again, inadvertently blowing bubbles into her drink, and Elliott smiled at the sound.
"Captain Q'oriss though, she seemed nice," he said, and Azh leaned forwards.
"I couldn't stop staring at her fingers!" Azh half-whispered.
"I know, they were so long!"
"Made me think a few things, that's for sure," Azh added, sipping her drink and looking out at the bay herself.
"I don't get it," Elliott said with a small frown, and Azh looked back to him, grinning slightly.
"Ask Bobbi, she'd no doubt tell you what I mean."
Elliott shrugged and took a longer sip of his drink, taking his time to stir it as he set it back down.
"Okay, now I have question for you."
"If it's about what's between me and Bobbi, I'll tell you straight up - there is nothing romantic between us now," Azh explained. "We dated back in the academy, but since then we're just good friends."
"Well, it wasn't, but that's good to know," Elliott said. "No, I was wondering if you're a joined Trill - uh, sorry if that's too personal."
Azh chuckled, waiting a moment as their meals were brought to them before answering.
"It is, usually, but I don't mind," she told him, picking up her fork and digging into her meal. "No, I'm not joined, although I did apply to be a candidate. Trouble is, places in the candidate programme are hotly contested, and one has to be...pretty damned amazing to get in."
"So you were an easy pick then, right?"
Azh laughed at the compliment, shaking her head.
"No, I wasn't picked at all. Maybe I didn't excel enough, or I hadn't excelled in enough fields. All I know is, I wasn't chosen. So, I decided to put my extensive engineering qualifications to use in the finest institution in the galaxy - Starfleet."
"So you always believed in Starfleet's ideals then?"
Azh nodded, chewing thoughtfully.
"Always have, always will. Although people like Admiral-bloody-Kassai make it harder."
"Don't remind me," Elliott said with a grimace. "She's made your life much too hard lately, and you don't deserve it."
Azh chuckled humourlessly, pushing her plate away as she finished it.
"Thanks. It's nice to know that I've got some people on my side."
"Hey, we've all got your back," Elliott said emphatically. He finished his own plate and set it aside, taking a sip of his drink before continuing. "I did have another question though."
"I thought it was my turn?" Azh asked with another, more genuine chuckle. "What was it?"
"You said you already had extensive engineering skills," he said, "but I was wondering where you were before you were on the docks."
While Azh's soft smile never wavered, the light in her eyes died, her jaw tensing as she looked away from Elliott.
"That's...there's a lot to unpack there," she said softly, her voice shaking slightly. "That's part of what I wanted to talk to you about, I just...I didn't know where to start. So...the beginning, I guess. You remember Vega Colony?"
Elliott sighed heavily, and nodded once.
"Kind of hard to forget about it," he said. "First Borg attack in years, and they hit a whole damn colony."
"Exactly," Azh said, her voice still quiet. "When the Borg first hit there, I was captain of a Gladius-class escort, the Falchion, doing a patrol out near the Hromi Cluster...but we were scheduled to go to Vega to pick up some supplies, that we would then transport to Deep Space Nine."
Elliott frowned.
"But didn't the crew that rescued the colonists from Vega leave a...a subspace warning, broadcast from the satellite system?"
Azh nodded.
"Except," she started, staring into Elliott's eyes, "our subspace communications had been taken offline due to some kind of...computer virus, or something. But the supplies were time sensitive, so we needed to be there on time to pick them up, so...I ordered us to carry on as planned." She paused, fiddling with her straw again, and Elliott could see the pain written clear across her expression, fresh tears burning in her eyes. "We, uh...we hit the system, just as a Borg sphere was warping in. I...I lost my entire crew."
There was a moment of silence between them as the tears began to fall again, and Elliott reached out to hold her hand.
"How did you get out?" he asked gently, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.
"A shuttle," Azh said with a sniff. "Those that tried to run went straight for the lifepods..they were tractored in almost immediately. A shuttle was the only other hope. But...oh, the screams…" she took a deep, shivering breath, feeling it was important to tell Elliott everything at last. "I could...hear the screams echoing down the corridors, as the rest of my crew either died fighting or were assimilated. And I just...I just kept running. My crew were fighting...and dying...for me, and I just...I just let them!"
Elliott moved to her side quickly as she began crying brokenly, pulling her into a tight hug and stroking her hair. Eventually she pulled away just enough to continue talking, but she held onto him tightly.
"I...I made it to a shuttle...I used every trick I could think of to evade the Borg, and I tried - I tried - to find anyone left alive, I swear I did, but...they were all gone!"
She sobbed into Elliott's shoulder again, and this time he held her until the sobs died down, waiting for her to speak when she was ready.
"Eventually...I was picked up by another ship, after I sent out a distress call from my shuttle. Something big, I don't remember what. But I swore, after that...I swore I would never touch a Captain's chair ever again, that I would do the best I could working at the docks instead. And now...I'm right back where I started."
"I'm sorry for asking this," Elliott told her, still holding her and stroking her hair, "but...what does that have to do with me, or us? I know you've got reasons, I just...don't see the connection."
"Everyone I cared about was on that ship," she told him eventually. "They were my friends, my family...I was even engaged to one of them."
"Fuck," Elliott breathed, holding her close. "I am so sorry, Azh. I shouldn't have brought it up."
Azh shook her head.
"No, it's...it's mostly what I wanted to tell you about. I got hurt, I blamed myself and I was...scared to move on."
"That's understandable, Elliott told her quietly. "You lost someone you loved at the same time as suffering some of the most severe trauma a Starfleet officer can endure. I don't think anyone could blame you for pushing people away."
Azh pulled Elliott into a hug again, savouring the warmth and safety of the embrace.
"And yet you keep coming back."
It was a statement, not a question or a criticism, but Elliott still felt the need to answer.
"Of course I do. I won't lie Azh, I care about you a lot, and I have done for a long time now - you pointed that out yourself - but I will only ever be what you want me to be." He moved to look her in the eyes, and as she met his gaze she felt as if he was staring past her walls, past her pain and trauma, and seeing her for who she was. "If you want me to be a friend, I'll be the most loyal and caring friend I can be. If you want...more, then I will give you all of that and everything else I can offer. I can't promise I'll always be right, and I can't promise I'll never mess up, but I can promise that I will always be here for you."
She waited for several moments, then finally raised a hand to stroke his face, her thumb lightly caressing his cheek.
"And I can't promise that I I'll be better than I am," she answered, her voice hoarse from crying, "but I can promise I'll try to be...and I'll keep all of my therapy appointments from now on. I...I want to be more, Elliott. At least to try."
Elliott gently kissed her forehead, and embraced her once again.
"Then you'll have it, Azh. For as long as you want it."
