"Selwyn," said Lord Davis, looking up from his papers. "Come in. Have a seat."
Selwyn glanced at Nicholas, who was already perched in the other chair across from Lord Davis's desk. He was looking at Sel with a mix of emotions too overwhelming for Sel to begin to decipher, but none of them were good. "Yes, sir," he said, bowing his head in deference as he took the seat next to Nicholas. He hoped Lord Davis didn't notice the way he scooted the chair a little further away as he sat down. "How may I be of service?"
"That is the question, isn't it?" said Lord Davis coolly. "My son has informed me of your activities at the second trial. I trust that I don't need to explain to you the gravity of the situation. Page Matthews was nearly killed."
Briana was fine – thanks to William, and ironically, to Selwyn himself – but he didn't think it would go over well for him to point that out. "I was simply doing my job," said Selwyn. "I am sworn to protect Nicholas –"
"And you really thought this teenage girl was a threat to his safety?" asked Lord Davis scornfully.
"She could have been uchel," said Selwyn, keeping his voice calm and even. "You cannot deny the strange things that have been happening around her, the things that have happened since she came here."
Lord Davis raised an eyebrow. "You'll find I can do quite a lot," he said. "Camlann is coming. Don't you agree it's possible that at least some of the strange happenings could be linked to that, instead of the Unanedig girl that Nick dragged in? Or do you think Page Matthews is somehow responsible for the disturbances in the Northern chapters, too?"
Selwyn looked over at Nicholas, but his king was steadfastly looking at the edge of his father's desk in front of him, expression blank and unreadable. He swallowed. "Based on what I know now," he said carefully, "I agree that Page Matthews is not likely to be a threat. At the time, however –"
Lord Davis held up a hand, and Selwyn clamped his mouth shut. "That's enough, Selwyn."
"Yes, sir," said Selwyn, sitting stiffly in his chair.
"You know I care for you," said Lord Davis. "I've raised you as if you were my own son." Nicholas's shoulders slumped slightly, and Selwyn felt himself expand as if the air from Nick's lungs had transferred directly into Selwyn's. It was always like that, with the two of them – as if energy and love and joy were finite resources that had to be divided between the two of them. The only way one of them could gain was at the expense of the other.
"Yes, sir," said Selwyn again. "And I'm very grateful."
"Then I hope you also know that my fondness for you won't stop me from doing what must be done to protect the Order. To protect the world."
Selwyn felt a chill pass through him. "Of course," he said slowly. "I strive to do the same."
"You are Oath-bound to do the same," Lord David corrected. "However, your recent . . . paranoia . . . I must say, Selwyn, it is highly concerning. I fear it may be a sign that you are no longer equipped to fill the role of kingsmage. Particularly at such a critical time."
Selwyn's ears were ringing. He wasn't sure if he was still breathing. He shook his head with frantic, tiny movements. "Sir," he said, fighting to keep the desperation out of his voice, "I promise you, I'm still fully equipped. Everything I've done has been to protect our king."
"I believe you likely thought you were acting with good intentions," said Lord Davis. "However, your actions were also misguided, at best. There are those within the Order who think this most recent incident may be a sign of your growing instability."
"It's not," said Selwyn quickly. He turned to Nick. "I'm not."
Selwyn had thought he wanted Nick to look at him. He had been wrong. When Nicholas turned his gaze on him, it was cold and angry. "We'll have to see about that, won't we?" he said quietly.
"Yes, we will," Lord Davis agreed. "But we can't afford to wait very long."
This can't be happening. If Nick knew everything that Selwyn did, if he knew how much Bree was hiding from him, maybe he'd be on Selwyn's side, instead. Or perhaps not. Nicholas had never looked at Sel the way he looked at Bree, and Selwyn had decided long ago it would be foolish to hope for it.
"Do you understand?"
Selwyn blinked at Lord Davis. Maybe if he answered well enough, he could show them he was fine. Stable. Trustworthy. "Yes, sir. If I continue to show signs of instability, you'll send me to the prison."
"No," said Lord Davis, "not the prison."
Selwyn's eyes were hopeful for just a moment, and then he saw the expression on Lord Davis's face. "If not the prison," he said slowly, "then . . . what?" He wasn't sure he wanted the answer.
"There are more permanent steps that could be taken than imprisonment."
"Are you – are you saying you'd kill me?" Selwyn choked. "Sir?"
"Don't be morbid," said Lord Davis. "If you prove unworthy, we'll simply cast you out and replace you."
"That's the same thing," whispered Selwyn. "That's worse."
"Then I trust you understand the severity of the situation," said Lord Davis.
"Has it ever been done before?" Selwyn asked. He was desperately searching for something known that he could cling to. The prison was horrible, but at least he knew what it was. This – being expelled and left alone to descend into madness – was a terrible mystery. Maybe he could face it more calmly if he knew what to expect.
"No," said Lord David indifferently, crushing Selwyn's hope like the bug that it was. "This is a rather unprecedented situation. It has called us to consider unprecedented solutions."
"Unprecedented," repeated Selwyn numbly.
Lord Davis sighed. "Just because the situation is unique does not mean we haven't examined it thoroughly," he said. "This is not a decision we take lightly."
"A decision . . ." Selwyn felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. He tried to steel himself. If he was going to go down, he wanted to go down with courage. "Is it decided, then?"
Lord Davis looked almost amused, and Selwyn tried not to hold it against him. Not visibly, at least. "I'm not here to cast you out of the Order tonight, if that's what you're asking," he said. "You still have time to demonstrate to us that your recent mistakes were childish errors rather than a sign of something more sinister."
Selwyn took a deep, steadying breath. You still have time. He ignored the fact that Lord Davis had called him childish in the same breath he'd implied Selwyn might be nearing the end of his useful lifespan. "Thank you, sir. I'll prove myself worthy."
"See that you do," said Lord Davis. "It would be inconvenient to raise a new kingsmage so close to Camlann, but we have several candidates who would be willing and able to step up to the task, should you be unable to continue. No need to worry; the King will be in good hands, even if those hands are no longer yours." He paused. "Perhaps, given recent events, especially if those hands are no longer yours."
Selwyn swallowed his anger. The idea that someone else would take better care of Nicholas than he could was . . . awful. Infuriating. It would be laughable, if he were still capable of laughing. If the quiet, destructive voice in his head wasn't whispering that Lord Davis just might be right. "I can keep him safe," he said. He was emboldened by the steadiness of his voice. "I will keep him safe."
"I hope you're right," said Lord Davis. "At this late stage, there is no room for error. You will not get another warning."
"Yes, sir."
"Now, I believe there is an Oath to be administered. Assuming you are feeling up to it, that is," said Lord Davis, raising an eyebrow at Selwyn.
He wasn't sure if it was a test or a challenge, but he refused to fail. "Of course."
Lord Davis gave a nod of approval. "I'll call for Tristan's Scion and her Squire. You can meet us outside. You're excused." Selwyn immediately got up and started towards the door, but Nicholas hesitated. "Both of you."
Outside of Lord Davis's office, with the door firmly shut, Selwyn turned on him. "Were you hoping to get more bonding time with Daddy?"
"That's not what this is about, and you know it," said Nicholas. He sounded angry, but he also sounded – tired? That wouldn't do. Selwyn was trying to pick a fight, and he couldn't do that if Nicholas was ready to give up.
"Isn't it?" he asked tauntingly. "I don't cater to your every whim, so you run and tell your father on me. Does that make you feel like a king?"
Nicholas's eyes flashed, and Selwyn felt alive. "Is that really what you think is happening?" he asked. "It would be 'catering to my every whim' for you to not kill my Page?"
"Did I kill her?" asked Selwyn raising his eyebrows. "I was under the impression that Page Matthews had survived, but maybe it's a ghost we've been seeing around these past few days."
"She's alive," said Nicholas, "no thanks to you."
"Plenty of thanks to me," said Selwyn. "Most of those Hellhounds weren't mine. And I don't recall you helping her train for tonight's trial."
Nicholas frowned. "I had to go join my father at the northern chapters," he said. "I didn't have a choice."
"You have every choice," spat Selwyn. "And you're risking it all for some Onceborn girl you just met."
"Bree's not just some girl."
"She's keeping secrets from you," said Selwyn scornfully. "You know that, right?"
Nicholas looked even angrier, and for just a second, Selwyn thought he might have hit on something that could bring his king back to him. "You've been spying on her?"
Selwyn nearly threw up his hands in frustration. "Of course I've been spying on her!" he said`. "An unknown girl shows up out of the blue and convinces you to return to the Lodge to sponsor her, and her arrival just happens to perfectly align with the escalation in Shadowborn activity – what was I supposed to do?"
"You were supposed to trust me," said Nicholas, narrowing his eyes in frustration.
"Oh, you mean the way you trusted me?" asked Selwyn icily.
Nicholas recoiled as if he'd been slapped. When he recovered, he no longer looked angry. Drawing himself up to his full height, he looked at Selwyn with something akin to worry. It was immeasurably worse. "Sel," he said, his tone quietly urgent. "I need you. I need you at your best, and I need you by my side. You can't do that if you keep going after Bree."
"You need to be at your best, too," said Selwyn. "Do you really think you can do that with her hanging around and distracting you?"
"You've got to give her a chance," Nicholas pleaded. "She's special, Sel. She's important. To me, at least, but I think it's bigger than that. You have to feel it."
He did. Briana's pull was undeniable. He could certainly feel the way she was pulling Nicholas away from him. "Of course I do," said Selwyn. "Is that supposed to make me less concerned about the influence she may be having on you?"
"Why are you so convinced her influence is a bad thing?" asked Nicholas.
"I'm not." I'm just not sure your orbit is big enough for both of us. "But, hey, if I'm wrong again, you and your father can just put me down. Maybe your next kingsmage will get along with your girlfriend better than I do."
"Sel."
"With your leave, my liege," said Selwyn, sweeping into a mocking bow, "I have an Oath to administer." And he dashed away before Nicholas could respond.
