Chapter Thirty Two:

Ichigo laid back on the futon that night, rethinking everything that had happened through the day. Meeting Orihime was certainly a highlight; Byakuya and Urahara seemed pleased when he told them about the encounter. He had decided to call her in the morning, to see if they could meet for a coffee and chat about things. He hoped she had answers for the questions which burned in his mind.

Yammy on the other hand, while he had felt exhilarated by the battle, there were so many things that concerned him about it as well. The idea of the Espada, their ranks, their strength. Urahara had been noticeably shaken by it as well, if Byakuya had been, he hadn't shown it but he had insisted on sending a message to Soul Society with the new information.

If Aizen's desires for an army of Arrancar level Hollows was being realised, the least Ichigo could do was to be happy that he had deprived him of one of his generals. But Yammy had made that point, hadn't he? Aizen still wanted him. Even after everything that had come to pass. Aizen still had hope that he'd join him one day.

He could help but allow his mind to wander briefly, memories surfacing without permission.

Hissing as sweat rolled down his naked torso, Ichigo forced himself to stand taller under the crushing reiatsu which threatened to swallow him whole. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, forcing concentration to flow with a little more elegance than what it usually did.

Aizen's reiatsu was incredible. It seemed to have no end. He couldn't believe how much of it the man concealed on a day to day basis, it was something of a privilege to be permitted to witness his true strength.

It was all for his training, to grow stronger than he already was, that he endured the torment of being crippled beneath such power. It had taken eight months to get to this point, to be able to stand under this magnitude of reiatsu for more than a few seconds.

He staggered as the pressure lifted suddenly and almost collapsed on the spot, panting harshly as his eyes fluttered open, feeling strong hands on his arms, keeping him on his feet. He looked up, feeling a chill run through him as he found Aizen's face close to his own.

"You're progressing very well, Ichigo." The man's voice was smooth.

"Thank you, Aizen Taichou." He licked his lips and blinked back the weariness that threatened to overwhelm him, "I can go again, if you wish."

"Not today, however, I do have something of a different challenge for you." The brunet mused, dragging a finger slowly down his damp cheek.

"What do you wish of me?" Ichigo asked instantly, barely concealing the shudder that came as a result of his touch.

"Try to push me to my knees with your reiatsu. I want to see how much you've grown."

Raising an eyebrow, Ichigo stared back at him, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking, he quickly realised that he was deadly serious. Giving a quick nod, he closed his eyes, centring himself as best he could.

Clenching his teeth, he started to push his reiatsu out, allowing it to pour free from the confines of his body. It took concentration, intense concentration at that, but slowly he was able to open his eyes without losing even a fraction of control over the power he displayed. He could see Aizen was stood, apparently without any form of difficulty, but he looked impressed.

"You are clearly progressing well." There was a glint in those chocolate brown eyes which made Ichigo's heart stutter faintly with excitement, "But I think you're still holding back, just a little. Let go of all hesitation, let go of any oppression. Give it everything."

He drew in a shaky breath and let it all out in a scream, fists clenching at his sides, he felt his body quake with the force he emitted, darkness filled his vision and the world crumbled away as he felt himself drop.

It could have been minutes or hours later when he was finally able to open his eyes. When he did, he found himself to be laying face down in the dust, his body was still twitching gently as his muscles relented from the apparent seizure they'd suffered.

Probably the most surprising thing he noticed, was Aizen. The brunet was still standing, but his glasses were on the floor two halves.

"A-Aizen Taichou... Are you alright?" He asked, body protesting as he forced himself up onto his hands and knees, "What... What happened?"

The brunet touched his chin thoughtfully as he glanced down at his Fifth Seat with interest, raising an eyebrow a fraction before he took measured strides towards his subordinate, leaning down and grasping a fistful of orange hair, eliciting a fizzle of discomfort from the strawberry.

"I do believe you just showed how much you've grown, I am pleased." Was the reply, fingers loosening in his hair before he was dragged into a heated kiss, his back slamming against a nearby rock, "Tell me, Ichigo, what do you hope to achieve from your training?"

Dazed from the kiss, he swallowed hard, "Achieve?" He repeated, "I want to stand by your side, and help you achieve what you desire."

"I know you are loyal to my cause, but what is driving you? What do you want?"

Ichigo paused and considered the question seriously, it wasn't as if he'd never asked himself it, but his answer was always the same as the one he had already given. He had never been concerned for his own desires, from the moment he'd met Aizen and been given his purpose in life, his own wants had faded away.

"I..." He trailed off as he considered the black out he'd just experienced, the force he'd managed to pump out just before, and the fact Aizen was practically unharmed by it, "I want... I want to be able to let my power flow... Without holding anything back, and I want to know that the people around me can take it. That I won't kill them by accident."

"I see." There was a smirk tugging around the corners of his lips, peering into chestnut eyes with chocolate ones, "Then that is what I will give you. As a gift, a reward for when this is over. When we achieve my goals, there will be a place for you where you can truly be free. Where you can walk among people strong enough not to crumble and die. That... Is a promise." It was sealed with another bruising kiss.

Ichigo was flattered by the vow, never having expected a reward for his loyalty. It was enough simply to have a purpose day after day, no longer drifting through life without meaning. He let out a wanton moan as he felt Aizen's hands slide down his ribs, fingers creeping beneath the damp fabric of his hakama.

Ichigo's eyes flew open as he felt someone's hands on his shoulders, he shot away from them, back slamming against the wall as a feral snarl escaped him, eyes wide and untamed as his half sleep induced state suggested he was in danger. It took him several seconds to realise the entire room was shaking under the intensity of his own reiatsu.

"Ichigo!" Byakuya's voice snapped him out of his daze.

Swallowing hard, the strawberry haired male lowered the pressure immediately, sagging slightly as shallow pants escaped his parted lips. He reached up nervously and touched his lips, the memory of Aizen's kiss was almost physical, his lips feeling like they'd been crushed under the brunet's with all the intensity of how he remembered.

The door to the room flew open and a light came on, blinding him momentarily before he made out the worried faces of Urahara and Yoruichi. He swallowed and lowered his gaze, almost ashamed to have caused such a ruckus.

"Sorry." He gasped, gulping back the feelings of panic as he dropped to his knees.

"What happened?" Urahara asked, apparently looking for signs of a fight, "Did you have a domestic?"

"Kisuke." Yoruichi's voice was low, almost an annoyed growl.

"I... It was a dream, nothing more." He muttered, looking away from the prying eyes he could feel, "Just a memory."

"What did you see?" Byakuya asked, moving over swiftly and sitting beside him.

He was hesitant to say, embarrassed as much as he was disturbed by the vividness of the memory. Ichigo saw their hosts move further into the room, sitting down opposite him as they waited, hoping he would explain the aggression of his unconscious reiatsu.

Sucking in a breath, he allowed his shoulders to slump, "Aizen..." He saw Byakuya and Urahara flinch, "We met while I was a student, the end of my second year... The start of my third. He found me being attacked by older students, they didn't like how pretentious my hair colour was. One of them brought a knife-"

"What?!" Urahara looked horrified, "They attacked you because of your hair? Didn't the teachers do anything?"

"Why would they? I never told them." Ichigo's snort suggested it should have been obvious, "They let their guard down and I wiped them out. It took seconds but when I finished, he was stood there watching. Aizen. I was an asshole, mocked him for not helping. He just said he wouldn't want to have dented my pride. I knew... From the moment I saw him stood there, something wasn't right. I don't know how I knew but I did, but so did he. He could see past my facade as easily as I saw past his."

"A rare talent." Yoruichi muttered, "A shame not everyone had your eyes."

Folding his arms, he hugged his knees tightly, "I guess. He offered to help me with my studies. We started meeting up regularly. Gave me extra training. I was already pretty good but by the time I was half way through my third year I was a top level student."

Byakuya remembered hearing Rukia mention how Ichigo had improved in almost all areas of his study, without any real reason for it, "Except Kidō. Even he couldn't improve that."

Grunting in the affirmative Ichigo scoffed, "I know every incantation, every Kidō imaginable. Aizen taught me everything, even the forbidden techniques. But I can never use them. It was the only disappointment he ever had from me."

Byakuya and Urahara shared a look, the noble could tell they shared the same concern. Thank the Soul King Ichigo was incapable of using Kidō, he would be a demon if he could.

Tipping his head back, the strawberry swallowed, "By the end of my third year we were lovers. He promised me a position in Division Five. Began telling me about the Hōgyoku, about Urahara-san, about his plans to end Soul Society and ascend."

"You were in on it for that long?" Byakuya breathed, his eye twitching, "You knew for nearly four years..."

"You seemed surprised." Ichigo glanced at the noble, "We both know I was as emotionless in Shino as I was when I joined Six. I earned his trust easily with my inability to feel guilt."

"My Third Seat wasn't your first kill, was he?"

"No." An honest answer, "I told you on Sôkyoku... I did terrible things for him. I regret it now, almost all of it... But there's one thing I can never regret. He allowed me to kill the men in Fugai who found me that first night, I tore them apart."

The noble swallowed hard, while he couldn't feel sorry for the men when he knew what they had done to him, he couldn't help but feel a small swell of pity for the madness that must have driven his lover to behave so animalistically.

"Once I joined Division Five we started a new type of training. He wanted me to be able to withstand his reiatsu. It took weeks... Months... Years... At every interval of success he just piled more reiatsu on. I really thought there were no limits for him. He'd punish me whenever I crumbled, reward me when I got back up."

Byakuya looked disgusted, "He punished you for not being able to stand under his reiatsu?"

"Yeah. It was harsh and cruel but it worked. It made me stronger. By the time I joined Division Six I was capable of withstanding a lot of his power. Not all of it. But a lot."

Ichigo's mouth went dry as he thought again about the dream he'd had, the memory which burned so brightly even now while he was awake; he had to battle the urge to touch his lips again as the bruised feeling returned. He shuddered and hugged his legs tighter as he considered his next words.

"The promise." He said quietly, "My dream, my memory... It was about the promise. He swore to me that once he'd achieved his goals, he'd make a place for me where I would never have to hold back. Where I could be myself. Somewhere I could be free and powerful and not hurt innocents. He reminded me of that promise on Sôkyoku Hill, and today with the Espada..."

"What was said?" The raven haired noble asked, realising quickly that something more had to have happened to rouse such a memory.

"He said he couldn't work out why Aizen wanted me so badly." He croaked, "The moment he said it I realised... Aizen is still hoping I'll join him. He's still holding a hand out, offering me that place."

"Would you go if you were asked?" The noble's voice was quiet.

Ichigo looked at him in a flash of anger, "I killed the Espada, didn't I?" He snapped, "I could have gone with him if I'd asked. But instead, I killed him."

Byakuya opened his mouth to utter an apology, but was silenced when the denreishinki began its familiar shrill chirrup from beside them. Ichigo snatched it from the floor and checked the location, picking Zangetsu up from his resting place.

"I'll go." He murmured, "I need some air. And don't worry, I won't go opening any portals to Hueco Mundo without consulting you first."

His Gigai was abandoned and he was gone before he could feel guilty for his snide remark, or see the expression of pain it had caused. He wasn't sure why Byakuya's question had made him quite so angry, whether it was the simple suggestion of distrust, or the fact that he wasn't sure of his answer.

He knew from his talks with the nobleman that Shiro had confided an uncomfortable truth in him. The truth that the Hollow was in love with Aizen, and due to their connection he too would always feel a degree of the same emotion. Just as his love for Byakuya coloured Shiro's feelings towards him. As far as Ichigo was concerned, it was a clusterfuck.

Reaching the location of the Hollow, it was a nice change for the lazy looking giant centipede not to have been taken care of by their mystery Hollow hunter. Although, killing it didn't make his mood any better.

Huffing in frustration as he balanced on top of a telephone pole, he gripped the denreishinki tightly and hoped for another Hollow to appear, just so he could release some of his foul mood upon it. He instantly felt guilty for wishing trouble on his home town and slumped a little.

Glaring up at the full moon above him, he put his hands on his hips. None of this was Byakuya's fault really, or Urahara's, or Yoruichi's and yet he was acting like a petulant child about it. They'd been worried about him. His reiatsu had shaken the damned shop, and that had been while he was asleep.

He found himself half wishing for detachment again, even if it was only temporary, just so he could try to organise the bombardment of feelings and thoughts he was having. He instantly regretted that thought as well, nothing in the world could make him want to lose out on the good things he'd gained since rediscovering the ability to feel.

"Ugh I'm an asshole." He slapped himself on the forehead.

"You always were, if I remember correctly."

Ichigo's eyes flashed open and his hand was on the hilt of his Zanpakutō in a flash, blinking in surprise as he found himself staring into the depths of a brilliant blue arrow made of reishi, "What the-"

"So, Orihime wasn't hallucinating after all."

Slowly leaning to the side so he could see the person behind the arrow, he caught a flash of dark hair which was flicked to the side in a prominent fringe, and frameless glasses which barely concealed the angry blue eyes behind them.

"You know Orihime?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as the arrow followed his movements.

Blue eyes narrowed, "And it appears she was correct about your amnesia. Interesting. It's been a long time, Kurosaki."

Blinking again, he stared as he tried to get a proper look at the other man's face, the arrogance was starting to seem overly familiar but he was still lost, "You have me there, I don't have a clue who you are." He admitted, raising his hands in defeat.

"Tch," the arrow and the bow connected to it disappeared abruptly as the man put his hands on his hips, scowling at him as he balanced perfectly on the telephone wires, "I can't help but be slightly offended that you remembered Orihime but not me. How typically rude of a Shinigami."

That was when Ichigo was really thrown, suddenly glancing down at himself and remembering he was in his Shinigami form, his gaze snapped back up, "You can see me. Holy shit."

"As crude as ever." A nudge of the glasses was given with a middle finger, "I am a Quincy."

"Huh..." He mused, "A Quincy. I haven't heard that in a while. Aren't you guys meant to be extinct?"

"We are, mostly. No thanks to your Shinigami antics." There was genuine venom there.

Allowing his gaze to wander briefly, Ichigo took note of the pure white attire of the other man, which was only occasionally disrupted by pale blue and silver. Tilting his head as it began to ring a bell somewhere in the depths of his mind he suddenly flinched.

"Ishida? You're... Uryū... Ishida?"

"Yes, Kurosaki." Arms were folded in apparent annoyance, "I see you remember something at least."

"Man, how did I ever forget your condescending attitude, it just fills me with warm fuzzy feelings." He sneered, "What are you doing out here? I already dispatched the Hollow... Oh. You're the mystery person who's been taking care of them."

"Not as stupid as you look." There was a taunting smirk on his face now as he nudged his glasses again.

He remembered Ishida now. Uryū Ishida, the last Quincy. They had known of each other in school, but had never really mingled aside from a few fleeting moments when Orihime had brought them together with her abominable recipes. There had always been some unspoken tension between them, even as children, Ishida had treated him like a second class citizen, and Ichigo had responded in kind.

"You took down that creature today, didn't you? The powerful one." The Quincy's voice cut through his thoughts.

"Yeah," he shrugged, "Couldn't leave him wandering around causing trouble."

Expression twitching only faintly in response, the dark haired male turned, "Regardless of anything else... I am glad to see you aren't quite as dead as everyone believed you to be, Kurosaki."

Blinking in surprise at the sudden melancholy of the other's voice, he smiled faintly, "It's good to see you too."

"Orihime mentioned that she gave you her number. Make sure you use it before you return to Soul Society. I will join you for your meet up, I too wish to know what became of you after that night." Blue eyes met chestnut ones, "Sado is in town at the moment as well, taking a break from his music tour. He will join us too."

"I'll be calling her in the morning." He stated simply, he currently couldn't remember anything about anyone called 'Sado' but figured it would come back to him when the time was right, "See you tomorrow, Ishida."

He watched his childhood acquaintance disappear in a flash, slightly startled that a could use Shunpo, though a trickling memory of his studies on the Quincy tribe reminded him that they didn't use Shunpo, they used Hirenkyaku.

Sighing deeply as he was left alone again, he slowly crouched on the post he remained perched upon, he knew he needed to return to the store but he didn't want to face Byakuya yet. He was still frustrated, but more so at himself than his lover. It was ridiculous, how a single memory could have affected him so deeply.

"Ya gonna be okay, Aibou?"

"Yeah," he considered, puffing out a long breath, "I don't have a choice really."


When he returned to the store and slipped into their shared room, Ichigo wasn't surprised to find Byakuya still awake. The nobleman was pacing the room but stopped as soon as he sensed his presence. Finding it hard to meet his inquisitive gaze, Ichigo got back into his Gigai and set Zangetsu against the wall. He let out a small sigh and held the denreishinki out to the raven haired man, looking up only when he felt the small device leave his grasp.

"I... I behaved like a dick." He said quietly, hesitantly meeting the steel look.

"The fault rests with me, Ichigo. I should never have doubted you." The nobleman said in a whisper.

"Yes you should." The strawberry said a little more certainly, "We both know that Aizen's interest in me isn't going to disappear, and we both know that Shiro's feelings aren't going to change. I was angry because... Because I can't give you an honest answer."

Byakuya moved closer, gently rubbing Ichigo's hip supportively, "I don't believe you'd go to him if the offer was made."

"The thought of him makes my skin crawl," Ichigo breathed, hanging his head, "The memories of what we shared, of his kiss... His touch... I wish I could forget but I can't. All I can do is shudder and feel repulsion. But I know those same memories make Shiro practically purr. He can't help it. I worry that faced with the choice I'd succumb to the Hollow."

"You're strong, Ichigo. You've proved that many times already. You have a choice now, never forget that." A soft kiss was pressed against his forehead.

"The dream I had... Just before I woke up... I could feel his hands on me. I could feel his fingers slipping under my hakama, when you woke me I could feel the pressure on my lips, the bruising... It's why I was so... Panicked."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise." Byakuya swallowed, hugging him close, "He can't touch you now. I won't let him anywhere near you, not while there is still life in me."

"I know." His fingers clutched at Byakuya's yukata, "I love you."

"I love you too, nothing will change that. No matter how many nightmares, no matter how many memories, no matter how many arguments. I will be here."

A small smile tugged at Ichigo's lips and he found the courage to lift his head, his breath hitching as he saw how close their faces were. He could feel the cool breath of his lover against his skin, he could see the intricate concern in his eyes.

"Can we push the futons together? I don't want to sleep alone."

"Of course we can." Byakuya offered a comforting smile, "You are never alone."