Author's Note: What is this? A new chapter? After... four years? After an extended hiatus, I started re-reading the original Harry Potter novels. I only made it through the first two before I decided to revisit my old fanfiction. I re-read this work and I was actually thought it was pretty decent. So I decided to keep the story going – kind of like writing fanfiction for my own work!
Please read and leave a review if you like it! Support is always appreciated!
OooooOooooOooooO
Lily hadn't regretted breaking up with Elroy once since she had done the deed, but she had to admit, as her dad drove her to the train station, she was frightened to return to Hogwarts as a single girl. She'd been sitting with Elroy in all of her classes, and now she wasn't sure where she was going to sit. She didn't have any other third year girls in her Arithmancy class, so that had her frightened even more. Above all, however, she was afraid she would be judged for ending things and how she chose to do it. Judged by her friends, judged by his friends, and judged by him.
She gave her father a big hug goodbye before crossing the boundary into the Platform. Once there, she awkwardly shuffled into a corner, so she wouldn't be hit by other incoming students. She quickly spotted Alice chatting with Frank, and was thinking of joining them, but one look at their body language told her they were flirting and that she would be intruding. She couldn't see Mary or Marlene anywhere, and remembered that they were talking about coming back a day or two early. Satisfied that there was no one who would let her look social, she slithered further into her corner and closed her eyes, attempting to make up a small portion of the sleep she lost that morning (or at least look that way; it was far less awkward).
"Hey friend," came a voice in her ear, making her jump.
"Hey," she responded to James, her voice too high.
"What'cha doing?" he asked, leaning on the wall beside her.
"Having an intimate moment with the back of my eyelids," she told him, hoping she sounded witty. She'd been waiting for a chance to use that line for a long time.
James laughed. "Intimate?"
"Uh-huh. Very sensual."
He laughed again. They did a lot of that with each other. "Are you sure? Because I thought you were hiding from the scary social interactions."
Lily blushed, but laughed it off. "You're going to offend my eyelids if you continue with such talk," she mock chastised.
"How was your break?" he inquired, transitioning into small talk.
"It was good. Yours?" she replied, semi-automatically.
"Oh, it was good. But it was actually good, unlike your 'good,' which I suspect actually means horrible." Lily laughed, about to disagree, but he continued. "So tell me, what is the current situation with our good friend Elroy?"
All the happiness left her face. "It's over," she said softly.
"Really? The deed is done? Tell me all the bloody details," he instructed, not unlike a gossip-hungry housewife.
"I did it by owl," she admitted, even quieter. She held her bottom lip in her teeth and desperately avoided eye contact, terrified of the forthcoming judgment.
"Did you really?"
"Oh please don't!" she cried, cutting off any opinion he might have had on the matter. "I already feel so awful, I don't need to be judged by you too!"
"Hey, hey, it's okay," he cooed, his arm slipping around her again. "Lot's of breakups are in writing, instead of face to face. If it's what you've got to do, it's what you've got to do. Just be glad it's done, and that you don't have to do it again."
"But now I don't know what to do," she said frankly, her voice returning to normal. "He was my entire social life this year. I don't know where to sit or what the inside jokes are. I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of the year."
"Oh, I think you'll be just fine. You don't strike me as the kind of person who needs to be surrounded by friends to be happy in life." The whistle blew on the train, and the pair of them started to head toward the nearest entrance. James's arm left her shoulder, and it felt cold in its absence.
"I'm not," she agreed. "But having a few can help."
"Very true," James conceded. They entered the train, and Lily watched Sirius poke his head out of one of the compartments and gesture at James, who gave him a nod. James moved marginally in Sirius's direction, and Lily held back.
"Alright, well, thanks for the chat," Lily started to say, but she was interrupted.
"Where do you think you're going?" James asked in a somewhat demanding fashion.
Lily thought about this for a moment. She'd love to answer with a specific compartment or person, but she didn't have one. "I don't know," she said honestly, after a few seconds.
"Oh, great, because I decided you're going to come sit with me," he said with a dashing smile. Lily just about died inside.
"Why?" she asked with genuine curiosity. It just slipped out.
"I was serious when I said I'd be your friend. I don't take friendship all that lightly, you know." He sounded almost mad with her for thinking otherwise.
"I didn't mean to suggest that you did, it's just that you're all such good friends – I'd feel like I was intruding." At this point, James was steering her toward his compartment, and Lily was digging in her heels.
"Nonsense!" he cried, and pulled her the rest of the way. Out of objections, Lily ended up in the Marauder's compartment.
"Hello all, this is Lily," James announced happily, sitting down.
"We know," they all answered back, without looking up from their various activities.
"Feel free to call her Pigeon whenever you feel like. She likes it. I think." Lily wasn't sure what to say to that. She got the impression that she was supposed to dislike that nickname, but she actually did find it quite endearing. She had even made a point of watching Lady and the Tramp over the summer, just so she could appreciate it in its full glory. Before she'd made her mind up on what to say, he continued. "Now Lily, this is Remus," he introduced, gesturing to the boy on his right, who had hid nose buried in an Astronomy book. Lily already knew who he was, but she played along. Remus gave her a nod and a hello. "Over here is Sirius. Be careful never to use the similar sounding English word again, unless you want some truly horrid jokes." Lily smiled at the comment; they seemed like such a close group. Sirius was playing a game of exploding snap with the only member of the Marauders Lily didn't know, and was too invested in it to turn his head away. "Last but not least, this is Peter," James concluded. "And now you know everyone."
Lily felt like she was expected to say something. "Er, nice to meet you all," she offered lamely. Nice to meet you all? She groaned internally.
"Right," James said, clapping his hands together. "Everyone, Lily's our friend now. So… be friendly."
Following that remark were a few awkward minutes for her in which nobody said anything, but she was eventually able to converse with all of the Marauders. She found out that Remus's mother was a muggle, leading to much conversation (they both admitted that they used a pen and paper when the teachers weren't looking). By the time they reached Hogwarts, Lily was making amicable chatter with each individual Marauder, and felt more at home than she had with the girls her age in the past two and a half years. There were a great number of inside jokes, secrets, and references, but they were all very good-natured about them, and took the time to walk her through most of their origins.
Lily elected to not eat dinner with them, telling the four of them that she wanted to catch up with some of the girls. Really, however, she was getting the sense that they wanted some alone time, and was starting to feel a little out of place in the midst of all their friendliness. When the girls heard that she had taken the train with them, they were all very excited and giggly, but soon fell into their normal routine which didn't involve much talking on Lily's end. She was thankful, however, for the social respite, as it gave her the solitude required to mull over her current situation. James appeared to have made a very serious, gracious offer, but it would involve joining a social group composed solely of boys with whom she would never have class. Some of whom have been best friends since the age of five, all of whom resided in the same room. Would she ever really be included in this group? Would she be better off than simply trying to befriend the girls in her own room? And perhaps most significantly: would she even be considering this offer if her heart didn't flip-flop at the mere sight of James?
OooooOooooOooooO
The next few weeks passed relatively smoothly, although Lily was unable to shake the trepidation present at every moment. As she generally arrived to meals before the Marauders, she generally sat with students in her year, but if by chance they already be there, she sat with them – this had happened a handful of times. Frankly, she wished she could always travel with them, but they were two years above her and operated on a different schedule. Elroy sat as far away from her as possible in all of their classes, and Lily had adopted the strategy of bringing a book with her to class so as not to look awkward and alone. It was actually a nifty way of keeping her up to date on her studies, but she would have gladly traded it out for a friend in a heartbeat.
In Arithmancy one day, roughly three weeks into term, Lily was reading ahead for the afternoon's Potions lesson when Elroy came and sat beside her. "Hey," he greeted, startling Lily away from the fascinating world of focussing potions.
"Hey," she replied back, unsure of what was happening.
"Look, I don't want this to be awkward," he stated, although he seemed to be avoiding looking at her.
"I totally agree," she said nodding along. "But what exactly is this?"
Elroy chuckled. "Fair point," he granted. "There are only eight people in this class, and I'm not friends with the six of them that aren't us."
"So, you want to sit with me? You want to be friends again?" Lily didn't want to wake the sleeping dog, but she had to know what she was dealing with.
"Yeah, I guess so. I'm sorry for avoiding you for so long. I was just surprised, but I shouldn't have been," he said, somewhat sadly.
"No, I'm so sorry. I really didn't want to hurt you." Lily was starting to blink back tears.
"Don't worry about it, Lils. We're only thirteen, after all," he said, the corner of his mouth tilting up.
Surprisingly, contrary to what the media had led Lily to believe, and likely due to the fact that the two of them had never been that romantic or intimate when they were dating, she and Elroy were able to get along just fine. They slipped back into conversation with ease, and Lily started to feel as if her life might click back into place after so many weeks of turmoil.
As if her encounter with Elroy wasn't enough excitement for the day, Lily was so busy chatting with him that she arrived a little late for lunch. She really wasn't in the mood to take on the Marauders after what happened, and tried to walk past them, but they sucked her in.
"So Pidg, how was, whatever class you just had?" James asked, pasta falling out of his mouth. No matter how much time Lily spent with the boys, she never grew accustomed to the amount that they ate. Mildly put off, she chose instead to push her noodles around her plate aimlessly.
"It was good," she answered with a small smile. She was really happy for the first time in a while.
"Ooh, look at her blush," Sirius chimed in, making her really blush. The first blush was really just because she was generally embarrassed to discuss anything personal with the Marauders - but just as she was unaccustomed to their eating habits, they were unaccustomed to her blushing tendencies. "That class wasn't good because of the subject matter, if you know what I mean." Lily was pretty sure everybody knew what he meant, but for added benefit, he leaned over to Peter and whispered loudly "There's a boy involved!"
"C'mon Pidg, out with it" James ordered. Lily looked to Remus, but he was of no help.
"Elroy came up to me in Arithmancy, and we agreed to be friends again," she told them. "That's all," she added, when no one said anything.
"Right, we'll see how that works out for you," Sirius told her condescendingly.
"Well, I think it was bound to happen," she defended. "There are only eight people in Arithmancy, and the other six are Ravenclaws."
"There are only eight people in third year Arithmancy?" asked Peter. Lily nodded her head, happy to change the subject.
"Oh that's nothing," Lily went on. "There are only five people in my Ancient Runes class."
"Wow," muttered Peter, amazed. "Why do they even offer these courses if nobody takes them?"
"Well, first of all, 'nobody' doesn't take them. I take them. And secondly, this wouldn't be much of a school if they weren't at least available to be taken." Everyone agreed with their silence. At least, that's what Lily liked to think their silence meant. "Anyway," she went on. "It's not the school's fault that everyone thinks Divination and Magical Creatures will be bird courses."
"Well, they are," Remus informed her.
Lily pondered this for a few seconds. "Yeah, they are pretty easy," she conceded with a chuckle.
"Wait, you take those too?" inquired James. Lily nodded with a positive murmur. "What don't you take?" he questioned.
"Muggle Studies," she answered. She had considered taking it because it would probably be so easy for her, but ultimately decided it would be a waste of time.
"And that's it?" he further questioned. She was feeling a little interrogated. She squeaked a 'yes' back at him. "How do you possibly take all that?"
"Oh, McGonagall made it work," she told him with a dismissive hand wave.
"Nerd," Sirius proclaimed amidst a fake cough.
"A little," she agreed.
Really, just another ordinary lunch with the Marauders.
OooooOooooOooooO
If Lily had to write the story of her year using only one rare plot device, it would be Hogsmeade visits, she thought to herself, as she sipped her juice the morning of one such trip (why she would have such an assignment was unknown to her, but it made her idly wish for muggle school). The first visit of the year was with the third-year Gryffindor girls, which was fine, but not too enthralling. The next was with Elroy, which was awkward and depressing. Now, here she was, ready for her third outing to the village, and having not made plans with anyone, she ate breakfast alone and considered skipping the trip and studying instead.
"Hey Evans." Lily awoke from her musing to see Sirius sitting across from her at the table. "You're sitting here all by your lonesome. It's making me depressed." It always amused Lily when people claimed to be put off by others' misfortune.
"All great and precious things are lonely," she informed him as haughtily as she could manage. Surely being well-read and socially adept were equally desirable traits.
He quirked an eyebrow. "Are you quoting someone?" She nodded yes. "Fascinating," he deadpanned. "Are you going to Hogsmeade with someone?"
"I was just going to stay here and study instead" she tried to say nonchalantly.
"Do you want to come with us?" he offered casually.
"You are a prince among men," she replied, breaking the façade. It was already common knowledge for the Marauders that she wasn't great in social situations and didn't have many friends. It was becoming a running joke.
"Don't I know it," he replied, puffing out his chest. "Maybe not in this instance, however, because we're leaving right now. I was actually leaving when I saw you."
Lily quickly took her last bite of toast, and held her hands up to show that she was finished. "Can I just go get—" One look from Sirius shut her down. "I am ready to go now," she declared, jumping up from the table.
Sirius jogged outside and Lily followed with a brisk walk. She was always a bit self-conscious about how she looked when running. "Hey guys," he called out as they neared the other three. "I rescued a certain pigeon on my way down."
"Lily!" cried James, excitedly. Lily joined them with a half smile and half blush. Remus and Peter both greeted her with soft 'hello's. "Will you be gracing us with your presence during our valiant journey to the town of Hogsmeade?"
"Yeah, I was thinking that sounded less lame than studying," she said with a fake shrug of her shoulders.
"Your indifference wounds me," he told her, placing a hand to his heart.
OooooOooooOooooO
Hogsmeade with the Marauders was rather unlike her earlier two visits in all the right ways. The first stop was Zonko's, in which Lily had no interest. Thankfully, the boys all visited it with such regularity, that they were able to deduce quite quickly what was new and were very quick. Following this, the five of them hit up Spintwitches so that Sirius and James could look at assorted Quidditch gear. This, fortunately, was also quite a swift trip.
After this, the group went to Honeydukes, the store Lily considered to be the happiest place on earth. The four boys immediately took to the shelves, finding their favourite candy, while Lily chose instead to meander about, looking lustfully at each choice that awaited her. "Aren't you going to buy something?" James asked, coming up beside her. He was sucking on a sugar quill, and was sporting a large tote bag full of candy.
"I wish," she sighed. "But Sirius asked me to leave in such a hurry, I couldn't go up and get any money."
"Oh, no worries, I'll pay," he told her immediately.
"Oh, no, I could never," Lily stammered, realizing too late that it had sounded like an invitation for charity. "I'm really fine."
"No you're not!" James insisted. "You might have to spend the next one to three months without candy!"
"Seriously, thank you, but I'm fine," she told him. Her family certainly wasn't poor, but they weren't particularly wealthy either. She was raised to know that you had to earn your money through hard work, and hard work alone.
"What's your favourite kind?" James asked.
"I don't even know," she told him honestly. "I've only been here twice, and the second time I didn't buy anything." She hoped – admittedly in vain – that if she failed to give him any direction he would abandon his pursuit.
"Have you tried a sugar quill?" Lily shook her head no, and James promptly snatched his from his own mouth and pushed it into Lily's. She was about to object, but she was in pure, sweet heaven, and closed her eyes to better focus on the amazing taste in her mouth instead. Pair that with the intimacy of James's actions, and she was completely swooning.
James took note of the expression on her face and chuckled. "Alright, definitely a box of those. What else?"
"Oh, no, that's way too much!" she countered as strongly as she could while still sucking on her sugar quill.
"Okay," James said, more to himself than to Lily. He put his hands on her shoulders and walked her over to the corner of the store. "You're going to stay here and look at the pretty snow that's falling, alright?" Lily tried to object, and James called Sirius over and instructed him to keep her in place.
Sirius appeared and stood very much in her personal space, ensuring she stayed in the corner. "So Lily," he drawled. "How's it going with Elroy?"
"Oh, just fine," she replied easily. It was probably the first time she hadn't blushed at his name in nearly four months. "We're great Arithmancy buddies, but we don't really hang out apart from class."
"Hmm," Sirius thought out loud. "So there are no lingering feelings?"
Ah. There's the blush. "No," she answered sternly. "There are no lingering feelings." She briefly considered explaining that there were never any feelings in the first place, but ultimately decided the less she protested, the better.
"Oh, well if you say so. How about any other boys? You fancy anyone?" She responded negatively. "No one in your year?" he prompted.
"No," she told him, rolling her eyes.
"No? What about upper years, then?"
Lily began to sense an upcoming trap. "Nope," she answered, looking away. She thought it sounded convincing.
"Oh? What about James?" Lily turned beet red, and stammered about awkwardly. "I thought so," he concluded smugly. "Don't worry, I won't tell him. It'll be our little secret," he assured her with a mock whisper.
At that moment, James returned from the cash register with another large bag of candy. "Alright, Pads, you can stop embarrassing Lily," he told Sirius, observing Lily's general complexion. Sirius scooted away with a wink in her direction. "Honestly, Pigeon, you have to stop blushing so easily. It makes it way too fun to tease you." Lily laughed awkwardly, trying to give the impression she had merely been teased on an everyday topic. "Anyway, these are for you," James said, passing her a massive Honeydukes bag.
Lily couldn't conceal her excitement as she peered in the bag and the wide assortment of treats she could barely wait to try. "Oh my goodness, thank you," she replied earnestly. "How much was it? I'll pay you back at the castle," she said quickly. She was actually a little concerned it might be more than she could afford, but she had principles.
"Oh, don't even worry about it," he told her casually. "It's nothing." Lily had never really wondered about James' finances, but she was beginning to suspect he must be quite well off to dismiss this so easily.
"No, no, no," she stammered, surely turning red again. "I could never accept this."
"Shhhh," James hushed, loudly. "You worry too much. Here, try one of these," he instructed, popping a jelly slug in her mouth. Then he put his hands on her shoulders and marched her out of the shop.
OooooOooooOooooO
Lily was in her own world as they walked around the rest of Hogsmeade. She couldn't even decide internally what to think about. James had showered her with money – on something she actually appreciated. He had touched her, he had fed her. Twice. On the other hand... Sirius had trapped her into revealing the one thing she wanted more than anything to keep secret from these boys. She could see James and Sirius together up ahead, laughing jovially. Had he told James already? Were they laughing about her?
"Aren't you cold?" Lily startled and saw that Remus was now walking beside her. She had no idea how long she'd been in her own world for.
"I'm sorry?" she asked, confused.
"You're not wearing a coat," he observed. Then he waived his hand around them. "As you might have noticed, it's quite cold out this time of year."
"Oh, I actually don't mind the cold much. I often don't wear a coat" she told him truthfully. He seemed disbelieving. "But in this case, I charmed my sweater to give off heat," she admitted with a chuckle.
"Oh, that's genius!" Remus exclaimed with admiration. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised you're good with charms," he said with a laugh. The Marauders had been sure to tease her endlessly whenever they found her studying the charms curriculum recreationally. "You'll have to teach me that one,' he told her with a smile. She smiled back, wearily.
OooooOooooOooooO
Lily was extremely nervous for the first few days following the Hogsmeade trip – something that didn't go unnoticed by either the girls in her dormitory or the Marauders. The night she ate dinner with them after the trip she sat frozen in place, seemingly unable to remember how to eat like a normal human being. Her thoughts were whirring away rapidly. When she heard "So Evans" come out of Sirius' mouth, she nearly jumped out of her skin and dropped her spoon right into her soup, making a mess. The boys were unable to stifle their laughter and she covered it up – or so she hoped – by pretending to be nervous for an upcoming assignment.
Gradually, however, her situation began to normalize. She was increasingly able to appreciate that her dynamic with each of the Marauders remained the same and eventually reckoned that Sirius really had kept his melodramatic promise and kept his mouth shut.
Lily was musing about all of this one Saturday morning as she sat in bed, looking around at the three girls she bunked with – all of whom were still asleep. She had always felt out of step with these three, even though their relationships were perfectly amicable. They all came from magical families and seemed much more comfortable in the strange social ecosystem that was Hogwarts. As she looked at their sleeping bodies, she had never felt more distant. They had all been laughing about the latest gossip late into the night and were now all sleeping in. Growing tired of listening to their snoring – and also growing hungry – Lily quietly slipped out of bed and got dressed. She always hated starting her day alone without these girls as a social crutch. She grabbed a charms book so she could study if she ended up sitting alone. Then she thought better of it and switched it for her Transfiguration book (the subject she actually needed to study). With a sigh, she headed for breakfast.
"Hey Lily!" she heard as she entered the Great Hall. Looking down the table, she saw the voice belonged to Peter, who was sitting with Sirius and Remus. They waived her over to come join them.
"Where's James?" she asked, sliding in beside Remus, who was reading the Daily Prophet.
"Why? You miss him?" Sirius goaded from the other side of the table. Lily eyed him suspiciously.
"Just wondering," she replied defensively.
"He's at quidditch practice," Peter volunteered helpfully. "Woke us all up this morning because he couldn't find his jersey," he complained, partly to himself.
"You could go watch him, Lils," Sirius continued. "If you miss him that much."
She shot him daggers. "I'm good, thanks," she said forcefully. She grabbed some toast and started buttering it, trying not to let on how much she was panicking.
"You sure?" he teased. "He's been out there for about half an hour, so he's probably starting to get a bit sweaty. It would be a great view of all those muscles..."
Lily nearly choked on her toast and started coughing. Her heart was doing summersaults. He wouldn't, would he?, she questioned franticly. Neglecting to answer (would she even have been able to form words?), she retrieved her transfiguration book and opened it to a random page, pretending to study.
"What are you studying today Lily?" asked Remus, clearly trying to shift the topic of conversation.
"Uhhh" muttered Lily as she panicked some more. She had flipped to the middle of a chapter and couldn't figure out what it was on. Her eyes desperately scanned the page looking for a lifeline but couldn't find one. She was aware it was taking her way too long to answer the question.
The boys chuckled at her silence. "You know, if you need some help, James is pretty good Transfiguration," Sirius drawled. Lily snapped her book shut and glared at Sirius, who was doing a poor job of concealing his amusement.
"Is something up with you two today?" Remus asked casually.
"Well," Sirius started just as Lily squeaked a "no!". He was not perturbed. "I think Lilykins is afraid I'm going to tell you her secret."
"You wouldn't," she said softly. But Remus and Peter made sounds to show they were interested.
"You see," he started again, clearly trying to draw this experience out. "It would appear that Lily here," he explained emphatically, gesturing in her direction. "Our young Gryffindor apprentice," he added as Lily shook her head no. "Our dear ginger-haired friend," he continued.
"Is this going anywhere?" Remus asked sarcastically.
"Yes, of course!" he exclaimed. "How could you even question the merit of my gossip? Anyway, Lily," he repeated, leaning in toward the other two eyes while maintaining eye contact with Lily, "fancies James!" he exclaimed in a hushed tone of voice.
Lily had shrunk into herself as much as possible during Sirius' comments. She would have curled up in a ball and hidden behind her hands if that were even remotely socially-acceptable. In that moment, her throat closed up, disbelieving her ears. She held her breath as she waited for the other Marauders' response.
She had no idea what to expect, but of all the situations that played in her mind, she would never have anticipated the outcome she got. "Oh," Remus and Peter said in unison, rolling their eyes. "Is that all?" Peter questioned, returning to his breakfast.
"What?" Lily asked, completely shocked.
"Not what you expected?" Sirius asked, his eyes positively twinkling.
"You..." Lily stammered. "You already knew?"
"Of course," Remus confirmed as Peter made a mm-hmm sound. "How could we not?" he asked rhetorically.
"How could anyone not?" Sirius added.
"You don't mean to tell me..." Lily trailed off.
"That everyone knows?" Sirius teased.
"Did someone tell you?" she asked, more or less to the whole table.
"No."
"It's obvious, Lils."
"We have eyes, you know."
Lily was speechless. "I think we broke her," Sirius told the other two.
"When you say everyone..." she probed.
"Everyone," Sirius confirmed.
"Well, everyone in Gryffindor," Remus commented.
"Well, everyone except James," Peter corrected.
"Really?" Lily asked, despite herself. She had a tiny speck of hope. If James didn't know, she could retain a small shred of dignity.
Sirius laughed. "Yes, somehow, James doesn't know."
"Yes, it's quite strange," Remus observed. "He's usually so arrogant; it's surprising he wouldn't have concluded this already and bragged about it."
Lily was silent. Was she relieved? Hurt? Embarrassed? All of these emotions at once? "I mean what I said, though, Lily," Sirius informed her more solemnly. "I promise I won't tell him." After a moment, he added: "unless you want me to, of course."
Lily squeaked again. "Of course I don't!" she exclaimed.
"You sure?" he questioned. "Relationships don't tend to materialize out of thin air, you know. Usually here needs to be some sort of inciting event."
"I don't want a relationship!" she exclaimed again. She was sure she was red to begin with, but she could feel the blood pump through her cheeks even more.
"You don't?" he asked genuinely.
"Of course not! Do you forget that he's three years older than me?"
"I do forget that, actually," he said with a frown, "since we're only two years apart. Still, what does that matter?"
"I'm thirteen and he's sixteen. It just wouldn't work. It's too weird," she insisted, as though it were self-evident.
"You know," Peter commented. "My mum's forty-three and my dad's fifty. That's seven years, and it's really not that weird."
"Yes, but did they get together when they were thirteen and twenty?" she asked, quite upset. When thinking about James had been her personal fantasy, she had never really had to question the logistics. Now that she was trying to convince the other Marauders that it would never work, she was beginning to see just how true her comments were.
"Er, admittedly, no." Peter went back to his breakfast.
"Okay, okay," Sirius commented with his hands in the air. "If you're so sure, we won't tell him," he promised.
"I'm sure," she told him glumly.
OooooOooooOooooO
"Hey Pigeon," a voice said softly beside her. Even if she hadn't recognized the voice, the nickname alone told her the identity of the speaker.
"Hi James," she told him without looking up.
"What'cha doing out here?" he asked. It was a fair question. It was the very beginning of spring at Hogwarts – so early that the air was still unspeakably brisk. No one was spending any time outside the castle if they could avoid it, and certainly not at dusk. Yet Lily was sitting under a big tree trunk alone.
Lily chuckled, anticipating her own joke. "On a day like this? Who could resist?"
"Oh yes," James commented, gesturing to the bare trees. "It's gorgeous out here."
"What are you doing out here?" she asked with mock accusation, rather than answer his question.
"I-" James started, and faltered. His hand flew up to his scalp and he started ruffling his hair. "Marauder business," he finished lamely.
"Ahhh," she commented sarcastically. "That clears it up." She stared at him and narrowed her eyelids in order to look suspicious.
"I asked you first," he reminded her.
"So you did." She held up her right hand to reveal a bright yellow daffodil. "I'm working on my sister's birthday present."
James sat down beside her and inspected it further. "I thought you didn't get along with your sister," he commented.
"I don't," she said with a sigh, looking at her daffodil.
"But you still get her a present?"
"Of course!" she replied. "I'm not a monster. Besides, it's unilateral."
"Hmm?" James asked
"Our relationship," Lily expanded, turning to look at him. "Or lack thereof. She dislikes me," Lily explained. "I'm still trying to win her back."
James laughed and Lily was able to study his smile. She had been trying her very best to stop fantasizing about James as of late, since she knew it would never go anywhere. But she couldn't resist staring longingly when he was right in front of her. "How could anyone dislike you?" he asked, still smiling.
"Ha," she said dryly. "You haven't met my sister."
"I'm sure she's just jealous," he said reasonably.
"Probably," Lily admitted. Then she thought about it some more, remembering the letter she found in her room. "Definitely," she corrected. "But she's lied to herself so much she now believes it."
"Believes what?" he questioned.
"Oh, that magic's abnormal. That I'm a freak," she told him casually.
"Yikes," he responded. "That's..." he trailed off.
"My sister," Lily finished with a falsely-cheery tone of voice.
"I was going to say tough."
"That too." Neither of them said anything for a minute.
"So, what's with the flower?" he finally asked.
"Oh!" Lily exclaimed. "Well, it's for her, for her birthday," she explained. "I looked around for a bud and was able to make it bloom. And I think I've managed to charm it so that it will bloom forever... or at least a long time. I know it's kind of a simple gift, but she won't like anything I get her anyway, so..."
"You send her magical gifts?" he questioned. "Doesn't that kind of add insult to injury?"
Lily's face fell. "Yeah, probably," she agreed. "But it's not like I have any better ideas. You can't even really buy muggle items out here and I don't have much money anyway." James opened his mouth to reply and Lily quickly realized she had inadvertently invited him to give her money again. "Besides," she added quickly, before he had a chance to speak. "I'm sure if she just gave me a chance, she'd realize how helpful it is to have a witch in the family. I could make her life so much easier!" she exclaimed. "But when I come home for the summer, I'm not allowed to use magic, so she has no idea. Sending her magical items from here is my only chance."
James nodded, understanding. "What did you get her last year?" he asked.
"Oh, I thought it was brilliant," Lily told him. "I took a book we both loved back with me after the Christmas holidays and I charmed it so that the book would read itself out loud to her."
"Ah... nice?"
Lily laughed. "That's a big deal in the muggle world," she told him with a smile. "Our objects don't talk to us." Realization flooded his face. "Honestly, don't you take muggle studies?" she teased.
"Yeah, but why would I pay attention? I have you to teach me these things." He touched her on the shoulder quickly as he said this. Lily took a deep breath and pretended not to notice. "So, how'd the book go over?"
"Oh, yeah. That did not go over well," she said with a small chuckle. "She thought it was haunted and burned it."
"Ahhh." He plucked the daffodil from her fingers. "So this too is destined for flames?"
"Oh probably," she answered truthfully. "Or maybe it'll get lucky and just end up in the trash bin."
James patted her on the shoulder. "It's had a good life," he told her consolingly. She made a non-committal sound. "Shall we go inside?" he asked her.
"Oh, I'm not finished yet," she explained. "And if I mess it up, I'll have to find another bud."
"What's left?"
"I wanted to charm it to look like a petunia," she told him. "Though I don't know how good it'll look... or if it will even last long enough to reach our house."
"Why a petunia?" he questioned. "Is that her favourite flower?"
"Oh!" she exclaimed with a laugh. James gave her a very strange look. "Sorry, it's not funny, really. I'm just surprised I haven't mentioned it before – her name is Petunia."
"Oh, wow, that's... a name." He chuckled. "Your parents really like flowers, eh?"
"Or are firmly of the opinion that little girls are, themselves, delicate flowers," she countered dryly.
"You don't like your name?"
"Oh, no, it's fine," she said with a shrug.
"I think it's a beautiful name," he told her genuinely. She blushed and looked away. "Much nicer than 'Petunia'," he finished with a laugh. She couldn't help but join him. "What do petunias look like again?" he asked.
"Funny you should ask!" she exclaimed. Lily had a book of flowers up in her dormitory and had ripped out the page on petunias to bring with her. She took it out of her pocket and unfolded it to show him.
James took out his wand and with a quick swish, the yellow daffodil became a pink petunia – the spitting image of the one from her book. "Now that's just not fair," she complained with a pout. It quickly turned to a smile.
"You sure I shouldn't turn it into a lily?" he asked jovially. "It would be much prettier," he said with a wink. He started to raise his wand again.
"Oh Merlin," Lily sighed, reaching out to swat his wand away. "She would murder me in my sleep during summer holidays."
"Well we can't have that," he agreed with a somber nod. He stood up and held out a hand to help her up. She couldn't help but swoon internally as she reached out to take it.
"Hey Potter," a voice called out with evident disdain. Lily turned and saw three Slytherin boys in James' year. She'd never directly met any of them. "Fancy seeing you out here," the one who called out sneered.
"Rosier," James replied, leaning back against the tree, looking thoroughly relaxed. "Dungeons not cold enough for you lot this time of year?"
The one named Rosier turned to look at Lily. "Look," he said to his friends. "Potter's got himself a mudblood girlfriend."
Lily felt very uncomfortable. She was outnumbered and surrounded by boys far older and bigger than her. They were not only talking over her, they were literally standing over her. Yet she also swelled with anger. Without thinking, she opened her mouth. "Oh, you mean me?" she asked sweetly. She batted her eyelashes for extra effect.
The next set of actions happened very quickly. Rosier cast a spell in her direction that came out as a bright purple light. Before she could think, James deflected it and hexed Rosier so he fell over, frozen. The other Slytherins also fired at James and Lily and these, too, were deflected. One of them grew horns; the other doubled over in laughter.
"Let's get out of here, Evans," James said nonchalantly. Lily quietly stood up and joined him without looking back.
Lily had a lot of emotions as she followed him back into the castle. Not sure which to act on, she finally said calmly, "That might have been a tad excessive."
"Oh yeah? I thought I showed excellent restraint," he said with a devilish grin. She could have sworn she saw him puff out his chest. Lily didn't say anything for a minute but trailed behind him, fuming silently. Eventually James stopped and turned around. "Would you have rather I did nothing?" he asked sharply. "And watched as you grew a tail?"
"Er," Lily muttered, shifting uncomfortably. She hadn't recognized the purple light as a tail-growing hex. "Of course not." James' face brightened and they resumed walking. "But isn't that just going to make them angry?" she argued, trying to keep up with his long strides. She was slightly out of breath. "Now they'll want to antagonize me even more."
"Then I'll just have more excuses to hex them," he replied cheerily. He really has no shame, Lily thought to herself.
"Right, because you're always with me," she shot back sarcastically.
He faltered. "That's fair." She thought she saw a pang of regret. "Sorry, I didn't think..." His hand was back in his hair. "I'll just have to spend more time with you," he said, his smile returning.
The rest of the walk back to their common room was quiet. Lily had absolutely no idea how she felt – angry? Condescended? Indignant? Scared? Protected? In the end, when they reached their destination, she simply told him: "Thanks for the flower, James."
OooooOooooOooooO
A few days later, Lily was sitting with the Marauders for breakfast when one of the school owls dropped a letter in her lap. Lily hardly ever received any mail – since Petunia was rather opposed to owls, her family kept their correspondence as brief as possible. She opened the envelope, gave the letter a once-over, and then let out a sarcastic laugh. Without explanation, she handed the letter to James, who read it to the group.
Lily,
Mum is making me write you back while this retched owl waits and eats my breakfast. Thanks for the flower. Mum and dad are positively gushing over it and I promised them we'd keep it out in some water for today. Of course, I'll have to throw it out after that. What would my friends say if they saw the same flower blooming for more than a few days? Normal flowers are supposed to die.
- Tuney
"Wow Pidg, your sister is..."
"A piece of work?"
"That's an understatement."
OooooOooooOooooO
As the end of term drew nearer, Lily had little time to socialize with anyone. The Marauders were spending more and more time together up in their dormitory, which she attributed to their upcoming O.W.L.s. Even though her dorm-mates still seemed to be finding time for recreation, Lily felt her exam jitters start earlier than ever. Perhaps it was because, now that students were openly insulting her for being muggle-born, she felt increasingly afraid of failing and proving them right. Alternately, it might have been because she knew she would inevitably have to share these results with the Marauders, for whom all things magical seemed to come effortlessly. On the ever-present third hand, it might have been because, feeling more and more estranged from her family and the magical world, she now attached her identity firmly to academic success in the magical one. Perhaps it was a blend of all three factors.
In any event, once she started studying in earnest, the days on the calendar seemed to zoom by with little separation day-to-day. The majority of her days – and nights – were spent in the library, while she got less and less sleep. On one particularly late night, she was trying to practice for the practical component in the common room. It was roughly four in the morning, and all the other Gryffindors had surrendered for the night already. And then the portrait swung open as James, Sirius, and Peter sauntered in. Lily yelped, embarrassed, and dropped her wand. The spell she was attempting had not been going well. "Merlin, Evans, you're up late," Sirius commented. "What are you doing?"
"Practicing for transfiguration," she said, turning red.
"At this hour?" Peter asked.
"No rest for the wicked?" she asked with a nervous laugh. "What were you lot up to?"
Sirius waived his hand dismissively. "No time for idle chit-chat," he scolded. "We all need to turn in."
That was unusual, she thought, but didn't probe further. "Not for me, I'm afraid," she said instead, rubbing her eyes. "Not till I master this spell." She waived them all goodbye - partly to be cute and partly because she actually wanted them to leave so that she could practice in peace.
But Sirius had other ideas. "James, don't leave this damsel in distress! Go help her with your wonderful transfiguration skills," he said with a wink in Lily's direction. Then he positively dragged Peter upstairs.
"Well, Pigeon, what's the spell?" James asked as he plopped himself down on the couch next to her.
He looked exhausted. "You look exhausted," she told him. "Just go to bed."
"No," he cried comically. "I want to show off and feel good about myself," he said with a smile. "And I guess helping you would be an ancillary benefit."
Lily sighed, seeing no way out. "Honestly, I don't know where they come up with the transfiguration curriculum. I'm supposed to practice turning a teapot into a tortoise. But where am I supposed to get the teapot from in the first place? It makes no sense," she whined.
James reached up to Lily's face and for a split second, she thought he was going to stroke it. Instead, he removed her hair clip. A swish of his wand later, he presented her with a teapot.
"You're lucky you're older than me so I at least have some explanation to hide behind," she said bitterly. "Otherwise, I would really hate you."
He laughed. "Go ahead, then," he instructed her. "Show me your worst." Lily let out a shaky breath. Resigned to her fate, she attempted the spell, barely even looking at her target. Upon inspection, she had produced an empty tortoise shell. James chuckled. "That's really not too bad," he said reasonably. "You got halfway there. I bet that's enough to pass your exam."
But Lily was not to be consoled. Her shaky breaths bordered on hyperventilation as a tear escaped her eye. "I don't think so," she told him, her voice quivering. She was so tired and oh so stressed.
"Merlin, Pidg, you're positively shaking," he observed. "It's really okay," he comforted, reaching out to wrap his arms around her. "These exams are really low-stakes, and you're already doing well enough to pass. When's the exam?" he questioned.
"It's on Thursday," she told him, trying not to cry. She was also trying not to let on how hyper-aware she was of his arms around her shoulders.
James couldn't help but chortle. "That's nearly a week away! Why am I helping you study at four in the morning for an exam that's a week away? I have two O.W.L.s before your Transfiguration exam," he laughed.
"Oh no!" she cried, pushing him away. She felt unspeakably guilty. "I told you not to help! Go study for your O.W.L.s, please! Or go to bed!" She actually started pushing him off the couch.
He chuckled again and patted her on the shoulder as he started to leave. "Okay, okay," he acquiesced. "But you should sleep too. You really don't need any more studying."
Lily was left on the couch, feeling very cold without his warm arms. Begrudgingly, she stood up and gathered her things to head to bed. For once, she was thankful for the stress of exams, so she at least had something to take her mind of James.
OooooOooooOooooO
"Lily!" someone called out as she walked down the aisle of the Hogwarts express. She turned and saw Remus waiving her into their compartment.
"Hey team," she said gently, sliding the door open. "How's it going in here?"
"Good," Remus answered with a smile. "You looking forward to your holidays?" he asked her.
"Ehh..." she said, feeling quite ambivalent. "It'll be nice to see my mum and dad. What about you lot?"
Three of the boys answered affirmatively. "Speak for yourself," Sirius muttered glumly.
"That bad?" Lily inquired.
"Worse."
"I'm sorry, Sirius," she said empathetically.
"Oh well," he said, trying to shrug it off. "I'll stay with Prongs for at least some of it, so it won't be all bad." Lily inferred that 'Prongs' referred to James. Merlin, even when you're friends with them, you can't keep up with their inside jokes.
"That's nice," she said with a smile.
"Do you see anyone from school over the summer Lily?" asked Peter.
"No, not at all," she said with an awkward chuckle. She started fiddling with her hair – Did I pick that up from James? "I don't know anyone magical in my area either. And I can't use my own, obviously. It's kind of like living a double life."
"Oh, well you can write us when you get lonely and miss magic, Pidg," James told her. "We'll expect to hear from you in a couple of hours!"
Lily chuckled good-naturedly. "Well you won't, in fact," she corrected. "I don't have an owl. So unless you lot have phones..."
"You don't have an owl?" came four voices at once.
"No," she said with a laugh, wondering how they could all be this surprised. She turned to James: "You know I don't have an owl! You've met my toad."
"That's true," James commented (just as Sirius exclaimed "You have a toad?!"). "I just kind of assumed you also had an owl hanging around somewhere."
Lily laughed some more. "Now James, I know you haven't formally met my sister, having in fact read just one brief letter, but if you think for one second that she would tolerate me owning an owl, we'll have to turn this train around just so I can send you to the hospital wing."
"Wait a second Pigeon," James said, once they had all finished laughing. She made a sound to show that she was listening. "Didn't you tell me that you broke things off with Elroy via owl?"
Lily turned bright red and started coughing.
"What was that, Lily?" Peter teased.
"I..." Lily muttered, still coughing. "I waited until he owled me and then attached my breakup letter."
All four boys started howling. "Evans, you are stone cold!" Sirius exclaimed.
Lily continued to cough. "Well, I'll just see myself out, then. See you next year," she said, leaving the compartment.
"Don't worry Pidg, we'll owl you! Just don't ditch us as friends via post!" James called as she left.
"You have a good summer too James!" she called back.
