Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who read, and especially reviewed, the last chapter. It was very difficult to resurrect an old story after such a long time and the support is really, really appreciated.
This chapter is just a quick interlude between Lily's third and fourth year. As such, the format's completely different – it's all correspondence. In case it's hard to follow, keep this in mind: Lily (who doesn't own an owl), always replies immediately after receiving a letter.
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Dearest Pigeon,
I'm sending you this letter to remind you of all things magical - and, of course, irresistibly gorgeous and dashing. Hope I've broken up the muggle monotony of... using objects that don't talk to you? Not going to lie, I really have no idea how muggles live. Hopefully the presence of my owl will also make your sister shriek and hide from you. I made sure to send my loudest and most obnoxious one just for you!
Warmest Regards,
Your Favourite Chaser
OooooOooooOooooO
Dear James,
I suppose you are my favourite chaser. Have you seen any seekers around, though? I'd much rather be writing to one of those... or I suppose I would settle for a beater. I think I'd get much better stories from either of them. In any event, as long as I'm stuck with you, I might as well berate your choice of owl. Tuney wasn't even home when your letter came and I think I'll be lucky if I escape with all my limbs. I don't have anyone magical around to put me back together again, you know.
Best,
Lily
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Pigeon,
You weren't kidding – you really are harsh over owl! It must be because my owls can't make fun of you for blushing. Speaking of, if Cassius here amputates you, just send him back with a letter saying as much and I'll come to your rescue. And speaking of THAT, what on earth is wrong with your handwriting Pidg? It looks like you ran out of ink and tried to murder the paper to make up for it. I'm not sure what your parchment did in the first place to deserve this, but I beg you to reconsider, for the good of stationary everywhere!
Sincerely,
The Most Attractive Gryffindor
OooooOooooOooooO
Sirius?
Wow, you really had me there – your handwriting looks just like James'! And on that note, my handwriting looks the way it does because I'm using something called a P-E-N. You really ought to know this as I've discussed it in front of you many times. You would also know if you paid any attention in Muggle Studies. Anyways, since I suspect you're still confused, I'm attaching a pen that you can try out on your own. And I'm just going to go ahead and anticipate the first problem: don't dip this in ink. It doesn't work like that. You just press down and write.
Best, Lily
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Pigeon,
I have never been more offended in my life. You're lucky you sent me this nifty pen-thing or else I would be liable to stop writing you altogether. In fact, I'm beginning to suspect that you made up this whole story about Elroy. It seems much more likely that he broke things off with you over owl because you were unspeakably cruel and openly called other blokes more attractive. And I'm sure he hadn't just made an extremely noble offer to come and save you in the aftermath of an owl attack either. This is all quite chilling.
-Your pen-(literally!)-pal
OooooOooooOooooO
Dear James,
Okay, okay, I was just teasing. I admit it was mean to insinuate that your best friend is more attractive than you. In case Sirius is at your place right now – you're both equally attractive and you can both share the title for the Most Attractive Gryffindor. Of course, neither of you are as attractive as Amos Diggory, but you can't win them all.
And thanks but no thanks vis a vis your offer to "save" me. I think I'd rather take my chances at a muggle hospital than quietly exsanguinate in my room while I wait for an under-aged wizard to hear of my misfortunate via post.
Lily
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Evans,
Sorry to interrupt your daily bout of daydreaming about James while you no-doubt draw pictures of your future wedding dress. Your not-boyfriend has told us that we all need to write you, so here we are. How are your holidays going? What do you even do all day as a muggle?
Sirius
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Sirius,
Great to hear from you! It's quite unusual living with just my parents and sister, as I have no one around to make fun of my deepest and darkest secrets. It's truly very unsettling, so I'm glad you've stepped up to the plate. In seriousness - oh dear god, I cannot believe I just wrote that. I've been so vigilant until now! But I wrote it in pen and your owl appears to be even more aggressive than Potter's, so there's no going back. In seriousness (sigh), I hope you're managing to get on with your family okay.
Best,
Lily
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Hi Lily,
Remus here. How have your first few weeks of vacation been? I imagine it must be so interesting to disappear and live as a muggle for two months – I always thought my mother's childhood sounded quite interesting. Let me know what you've been up to.
Remus
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Remus,
Thanks for writing me! I'm replying very quickly because I'm starting to get the sense my neighbours are finding the owl noises coming from our house very suspicious. I'm really just up to normal muggle things – no need to romanticize it! The major difference is really just not having the ability to speed up everyday tasks. Let me know if you've been up to anything extravagant or adventurous lately.
Lily
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Dear Lily,
How are you doing? I imagine your summer holidays must be awfully boring without any magic. You also seem to genuinely like studying, so it must be doubly unpleasant for you! My family is going to be touring through Scandinavia starting next week, so I may not be able to owl as frequently as the others, but I'm still looking forward to keeping in touch, of course!
Peter
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Dear Peter,
Have an amazing time in Scandinavia. I can't wait to hear about it when school restarts! Don't worry about writing me whatsoever. Just focus on sight-seeing! James and the others are keeping me more than busy enough with owls as it is.
Thanks for writing!
Lily
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Pigeon,
You can't tell via owl, but I'm weeping with grief. I've been despondent since your last owl and haven't left my room since. If you don't see me on the Hogwarts Express in September, you'll know it was just too much for me to go on. You'll really start to miss me then when there will be no one to save you from Slytherins – as I've done countless times!
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Best Friend
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Dear James,
My goodness you're melodramatic. You've been in your room a whole day? Heavens, no! I know I'm two years behind you, but I would have hoped you had enough faith in my intellect to trust that I can count to two... Never fear, though. I think I'll go buy an owl right now so that I can start writing Amos Diggory and convince him to be my new saviour.
And thank you for ordering all of your friends to write me, but perhaps you could tell them to write me... a little less? Having four owls fly to my window in one day is a little hard to cover up and Tuney's increasingly looking at me like that whole murdering-me-in-my-sleep situation is imminent.
Lily
P.S. the title of my ex-best-friend is quite coveted, you know. There's a long list and Petunia's definitely at the top.
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Evans,
I'm always Sirius! Ha, ha... I think it works better in person. I'm glad you and Arabella have been acquainted. She's Regulus' and is quite possibly the most vicious owl alive. I stole her for laughs, but I used my own this time. I'm please to introduce Alf. He's slightly less vicious.
You never answered my question, by the way. What do you do all day? Aside from daydream about James and broom cupboards, of course.
Sirius
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Sirius,
Thank you! Alf is much preferred. I can handle the intense stares as long as my fingers are left alone. I didn't answer your question, because I knew you'd make fun of me. But the lovely thing about this means of communication is that it's very difficult to beat information out of me. I don't even have to write you back if I don't feel like it. I can always just send poor Alf back empty-handed.
Lily
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Pigeon,
I'm sorry my fellow Marauders were less than subtle. I did tell them they shouldn't all write on the same day, but what can you do? I'll tell them to ease off a bit with the letters. Don't worry, though, I refuse to be silenced! I know I'm your favourite and would never dare to deprive you of my charm and wit. Besides, I'm still invested in my plan to scare our dear friend Petunia senseless with all the owls. How are my plans progressing?
James
P.S. If you don't stop going on about Diggory, I'll have to look up some truly disfiguring hexes to throw his way when we get back.
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James,
Not sure Tuney's scared of the owls so much as disgusted with all things magical (including me). Was that what you were going for? I suppose a side benefit of the four-owls-a-day regime was that she stared thinking – in horror – that I was exceedingly popular. So I have you to thank for that. And alright, for the sake of your ego, I'll try my very best to stop swooning over the most attractive boy in your year... when I'm writing you, that is.
Lily
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Evans,
That is quite the bold, and very inadvisable move! I demand at once that you tell me what you're doing over the summer so that I can make fun of you properly for it. If you don't, I might just have to have a VERY interesting conversation with Prongs. I'll be staying at his place for the second half of the summer... you have no idea what juicy gossip might just spill out. Also, you'll note that I sent this letter with Arabella for extra intimidation.
Sirius
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Sirius,
Okay, okay! You wouldn't really tell him... if you did, you would never have anything to hold over me. But okay. The deal is this. When I started studying at Hogwarts, my parents were really concerned that I would be missing out on a decent muggle education... you know, those small, unimportant subjects like maths and English. But obviously I was desperate to run away and learn how to use magic. So, when I'm home for the summer... I take summer school classes. Which is really quite wise and admirable. So as such, you really ought not make fun of me. But... alas. Tease away.
Lily
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Dear Pigeon,
This letter is coming to you from James AND Sirius – what are the chances? The two most attractive students in one letter? (Don't even think about mentioning Diggory or I'll steal your toad when school's back in session).
I was just catching up with Pads and he has informed me that you are currently using your summer holidays, your break from school, to voluntarily take more school? I'm afraid to say it but you, Lily Evans, are officially mental. I mean, I always knew you were a bit off your rocker, but this is the moment I know with absolute clarity that you're simply insane.
Sirius wants to know what you learn in muggle school that you're not already learning in Hogwarts... you know, since you take every subject and all.
- The Two Best Marauders
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Hey Dynamic Duo,
Fancy running into both of you in the same letter!
Muggle school really isn't that bad, if you must know! I actually enjoy it. Or most of it. Since learning about magic I have minimal interest in science... but the other subjects are quite stimulating. Latin is actually very helpful for some of our incantations, you know. And I do miss literature and creative writing during the year. PLUS, even if I didn't enjoy it, I have a good excuse to spend most of the summer in my room, away from my sister. So if that isn't reason enough, I don't know what is.
Hope you two are having fun together!
- Lily
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Evans,
Prongs and I have been doing extensive research so that we can make fun of you better. We reached out to Remus to find out more about 'literature,' who in turn reached out to his mother. She summarized a bunch of plots for us from 'Pride and Prejudice' to 'Emma.' We have concluded that you like Muggle School because it's an excuse to read a bunch of soppy romance novels. Only... needlessly long and sometimes depressing romance novels that don't have any magic in them. So really just bad romance novels. Little did you know, you can read those at Hogwarts for free and not have to write any essays on them. Are you now embarrassed and duly convinced?
Sirius and James
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Hey guys,
I am considerably not convinced. Although I suppose it's possible that that's all Remus' mother got out of her education. I do suspect that some of the subtlety of those novels gets lost when you only read synopses via broken telephone. But fair enough. I won't try and claim that we don't read romance novels. But that's not all we read. Your timing's fortuitous, because I just finished my paper on a very not-romantic book that I thoroughly enjoyed. Which means I don't need it anymore. So here you go! You certainly don't have to read it... but you certainly do have to read it if you want to keep making fun of my muggle classes. (Also, before you think I'm the cruelest girl alive... this one is a pretty quick and accessible read).
Lily
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Evans,
What a horrible trick you played on us! The last thing I intended to do with my time at the Potters was read. And yes, we know, you told us we didn't have to read it. But you can't honestly expect us to pass up on an opportunity to tease you, can you? Anyways, we read the first chapter, and just like your weird turns of phrase, we are thoroughly confused. There seems to be a war or something going on. Is it set in the past? Is it intentionally disorienting? We're waiting on your every word, because we sense that we'll have loads of material to work with for next year.
-Padfoot and Prongs
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Hi Sirius,
Wow... it actually hadn't occurred to me that you wouldn't know any of this. It's set during World War I, which was, you know, a real war from 1914-1918. I'd enclose a history book, but even I don't have the heart to assign you prerequisite reading in the middle of the summer... basically, it was a big muggle conflict with all of the European countries (and others) where they dug trenches all over the countryside and ended up in a bunch of stalemates. Some people think it was the first 'modern' war, because you saw things like machine guns, tanks, and poisonous gas. There was tremendous loss of life. But, as interesting as it is, if you don't know about it, you might be better off, just... not reading this book. So there – I've let you off the hook! You're welcome!
Lily
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Hi Lily,
Remus again. As per your request, I tried to wait longer before writing you again... though I fear I may have overcorrected. Summer always goes by so fast, doesn't it? I heard from James and Sirius that you've been taking muggle classes (did I get that right? Like multiple classes? I only heard of English for sure, but I assume there are others). I, for one, am thoroughly impressed with your diligence and studiousness. At this rate, I'll be surprised if you don't somehow manage to graduate before we do.
I think last time you asked me if I was up to anything adventurous. Unfortunately – or perhaps fortunately – the answer is no! It's just not really in my nature, I guess. Unless, of course, you count me struggling through my father's cooking all summer. I personally would count that and would like some adventurous-credits.
Hope you're well,
Remus
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Hi Remus,
Great to hear from you again! Not that I didn't appreciate the respite from the owls. It's okay, though. I think my father is finally starting to convince the neighbours that some owls have nested in our roof and that they intermittently visit. Kind of like an owl cottage. Of course, the neighbours then offered to help clear the nest out and now he's back-peddling to make up an excuse about how they enjoy the owl attention. I think he's planning on buying bird-watching equipment to keep up the charade.
I, too, am not the adventurous type. I just spend my days living vicariously through these muggle books. Although... I kind of inadvertently challenged James and Sirius to read one as well, and I suppose that was quite bold. I haven't heard from them since. I take this to mean that they're out having real adventures.
Hope you're also well!
Lily
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Hi Lily,
Yes, I did hear about this challenge! I worry I may be spoiling the surprise... but I think they may actually be reading it! Or, at least, that's what I infer from their many irate owls. Colour me extremely impressed. I have never gotten them to read anything, let alone a muggle book.
By the way, how thick are your neighbours? I was under the impression that muggles thought owls were nocturnal.
- Remus
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Hi Remus,
Now this I don't believe. I think you're all in this together to trick me, just so Sirius can jump out the last second and laugh at me for being so gullible. How could you Remus? I'm shocked in the low calibre of your character – now that it's revealed itself, of course.
My neighbours are... incredibly thick. Not to badmouth all muggles. But this bunch is something else.
Lily
P.S. Don't worry, I forgive you already for trying to trick me. Because of my superior character.
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Pigeon,
Have faith in us! When we Marauders do something, we do it right. You haven't heard from us in a while because – in response to your challenge – we have read not only this entire book but also entries in a muggle encyclopedia for WWI and Enrich Remarque. In order to do that, I had to eat my words, since I had previously told my dad we would never consult a non-magical reference book in a hundred years. You should really save this letter forever, Pidg. You got us to do more work during the summer than we did for all of our O.W.L.s combined.
Anyways, after all of this reading, we will now render an opinion: you have convinced us that muggle books have merit, and that not all of them are indulgent romances/erotica for sad housewives. This was in fact a very interesting and morose novel. It was particularly hard to read knowing that all of their problems could really disappear in an instant if you just gave them some wands...
And that's that! You were right, nothing to tease about. And now we think we deserve to go ahead and not read for another five years to make up for all of this.
- The most attractive and well-read blokes at Hogwarts (don't you dare try and tell me you sent Diggory a reading list too)
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Hello again,
That's amazing! (Unless this is just an elaborate prank, which I still suspect).
I was afraid you had stopped writing me out of protest. I'm really glad you liked it, because I just finished this other book that I think you'll like even more (even if it is quite a bit longer). So here you go! ... kidding. I am positively thrilled you liked it, though. I thought it was phenomenal.
I'm still floored you actually read it, not to mention the encyclopaedia! I think I will officially bestow upon you two the coveted title of: Honourary Muggles. Now isn't that special? Feel free to go around town bragging to, you know... me. Probably best to keep it hush-hush around everyone else. I suspect they'd be too jealous.
Lily
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Lily,
Thank goodness you've forgiven me for the trivial part I've played in this imaginary prank. Your generosity astounds me! As does your sarcasm. I can't believe I'll get to hear it again in a little over a week, eh? You'll have to tell me all about your vicarious adventures on the train.
Remus
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Hi Remus,
I'm looking forward to it – more than you know! Mostly because I still have three more exams and the train will be my first chance to relax. And I guess seeing you guys might be fun too. You know, worth a laugh.
- Lily
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Pigeon,
I heard a rumour that these muggle classes you're taking come with muggle exams? Is this the same girl that practically needed to be taken to the hospital wing a week in advance of a third-year Transfiguration exam a few months ago? It's very silly to voluntarily sign up for such things when you're not currently living with dashing upper years to come to your late-night rescue, you know.
James
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Hi Amos,
You're right, I don't know how I'm going to get through this exam period without – oh, wait, this is James' owl. Never mind all of that James. Not meant for your eyes.
Afraid I can't talk much right now. I'm extremely busy being intellectual and studious.
Lily
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Hi Lily,
This is Peter again. I got back from my trip a couple days ago and have already heard lots about everyone's antics. I was right about your compulsive need to study! I kid... but I am impressed.
Loads to talk about with respect to the trip, of course, but I demand full attention when I do. I've got a whole photo album and I'll make everyone look at every single picture like a right prat.
See you in a few days!
Peter
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Hi Peter,
Outstanding! I can't wait. I'm sure glad to hear about the photo album. All I can bring to show and tell are my English papers, and I think I've already made Black and Potter suffer enough. So really you're saving everyone from a very terrible fate.
See you – and your many photos – soon!
Lily
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Hi Evans,
Well, I'm back with my wonderful family so I can get all my school things. I'm really quite depressed that you didn't give me an excellent reason to spill your secret to Prongs. You were quite wrong about me not having the guts to do it – you're underestimating how much I'd love to see the show. If I listened adequately in Muggle Studies, I think the expression is that I'd bring popcorn? He'd be completely aghast, you'd be red as a tomato. I can picture it all right now... and thank Merlin, otherwise I'd never survive my family.
Well, I think that will do for the summer. I've instructed Alf to come right back without giving you the chance to reply. Nothing feels as good as getting the last word.
Sincerely,
The holder of all your secrets,
Sirius
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Dear Pigeon,
Hope your exams went well.
See you tomorrow!
James
