Author's Note: A very heartfelt thank-you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story so far – your words are positively cherished!
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Lily Evans was a fourth-year student. Or, at least, that's what she told herself that morning as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She had passed all of her third-year exams. She had purchased all of the fourth-year books. It was now September 1st. All of these things meant she was now a fourth-year student, right?
There was one particular reason that Lily was finding all of this so surreal. James Potter, the most arrogant, loving, smug, charming, and fit boy alive – the boy she had been not-so-secretly pining over for two years – had been in fourth year when they first officially met. At that time, Lily had felt unspeakably young and James, by comparison, seemed to exude maturity. Two years later, it would logically follow that they had traded places. The one problem was that Lily didn't feel one bit older. Rather, she felt like an imposter who had stolen the fourth-year books while no one was looking.
Lily was prepared to tell as much to anyone who would listen (or rather, the abridged version, that drew less attention to how much she fancied a certain messy-haired wizard). As it would happen, the first person who fit the bill was Peter, one of James' closest friends.
"Oh, that feeling never goes away," he told her wisely. "I mean, look at all of us – we're turning 17 this year. We're going to be adults? The four of us?" Lily laughed good-naturedly, but internally cringed. Since she was still 13, when he put it like that, it made the age difference sound positively astronomical.
Some of the other Marauders offered slightly different opinions when they arrived at King's Cross Station. "Evans, you're a fourth-year now?" Sirius questioned with mock surprise. "My, how the time flies. You're clearly very old and mature now. I guess we'll all just have to take note and redefine our relationships accordingly," he told her meaningfully as he waggled his eyebrows in her direction.
James looked perplexed at Sirius' – admittedly strange – comments. "Chill out, mate, she's only 13. Practically in diapers," he teased.
Lily's heart sank. She felt herself blush and looked away, trying her best not to appear utterly dejected. Sirius threw an arm around her. "Now there's the shy, red-faced Lily I missed all summer!" he declared jovially. "You were getting much too confident via owl." Lily forced herself to chuckle and hoped it didn't sound too fake. For once, she suspected that Sirius' teasing was a gesture of kindness – he knew how she felt about James and also knew how close to home James' teasing would have felt. Fortunately, they started boarding the train and the subject of her age was soon forgotten.
"So how was everyone's—" she started to ask once they were all settled in a compartment. But before she could add 'summer,' she was cut off.
"Don't do it Evans!" called Sirius, putting a hand out, as if to stop her.
"Don't... do what, exactly?"
"If you ask that, Wormtail's going to spend the rest of the ride making us look at extremely boring photos. It will be the dullest start to a school year ever."
"Oh please," Peter grumbled. "It wouldn't take the whole ride." Sirius glared at him knowingly. "... I'd save some for after the feast," he concluded with a laugh.
"We're refusing to engage," Sirius insisted. "But since you almost asked, Evans," he started with a smile creeping onto his face. "Moony got a girlfriend!" he proclaimed with a devilish grin.
Remus stammered, the tips of his ears turning pink. "I did not!" he countered. "She's going to think you're serious!"
"I'm always—" Sirius started excitedly. But a quick swish of a wand from Peter left him unable to speak. He pouted like a petulant toddler.
"We, too, can refuse to engage, Padfoot."
After everyone had a good laugh (except for Sirius, of course), Lily felt compelled to speak up. "I almost feel embarrassed to ask this," she prefaced. "But where on earth did all of these new nicknames come from? I can't even keep track of them all."
There was a pause that felt suspiciously long. Granted, Sirius was waving his arms about wildly while the rest of the compartment ignored him. "Oh, it's nothing," James answered casually.
"What?" Lily usually tried to be more articulate, but it just slipped out without her notice. "What do you mean, nothing?" she clarified.
"We just wanted a bunch of nicknames," he explained. "We thought it would make us sound more enigmatic." He was sporting a very charming smile.
"So, there's no story behind them?" she questioned.
"No," James answered with a shrug. His answer seemed very strange. Nearly every joke between this group of boys had a long-winded story behind it. Then again, they clearly liked having a reputation. This was the same group that had declared themselves to be 'the Marauders.' Lily opened her mouth, but didn't get the chance to speak.
"Are you just jealous we didn't give you a name, Lily?" Peter asked with a smile. She wasn't, of course; it hadn't even occurred to her that she might be important enough to deserve a nickname.
"How could you say that?" James bellowed. "She has a nickname – she's Pigeon."
Lily smiled, despite herself. "That's hardly enigmatic," she observed.
"Only you call her that, Prongs," Remus countered, rolling his eyes.
"You don't call her that?" he questioned, looking from person to person. He received nothing but shakes of the head. "But I told you all to call her that!" James wailed as if it were the crime of the century.
Lily reclined back into her seat as the boys kept arguing. She felt her heart flicker at just the mere idea that she was seated with James and his friends – at their behest – and that they were actually talking about her, almost as if she were one of the gang. It was good to be back at Hogwarts.
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
"Miss Evans!" a voice careened down the hallway. Lily froze in place and felt her throat close up. Lily had been in this hallway hundreds of times, but it had never been against the rules then. This time was different: for the first time in her life at Hogwarts, Lily was outside the Gryffindor common room past curfew.
Lily's mind raced franticly as she desperately tried to think of what to do. Should she run? Call back? Pretend she wasn't there? Lily had no idea how the owner of the voice had even seen her, let alone identify her – she was looking up and down the hallway but couldn't spot a soul.
"Miss Evans!" the voice called again. It was a male voice, but Lily couldn't place it. It didn't sound like any of her teachers, nor Dumbledore, nor Filch. Yet there was something familiar about it. She listened very intently and almost swore she heard stifled laughter...
Something clicked. "Sirius?" Lily asked quietly. The laughter grew stronger as four people emerged from behind a painting just off to her left.
"Oh my God," Lily muttered as she practically melted into the wall. Her heart was still racing. "You nearly gave me an aneurysm," she complained more loudly.
"A what?" asked one of the boys now towering over her.
She gave a sardonic sort of half-laugh. It was one of her father's more common expressions – something he would frequently claim when Lily and Petunia wouldn't stop fighting. "It's a medical thing," she said blandly. She didn't truthfully know much more than that anyway.
"Fancy running into you here, Evans!" Sirius teased. "What are you doing this fine hour?"
"Falling victim to mediocre pranks," she deadpanned. Two weeks into term, Lily had been spending considerably more time with the Marauders than she had the previous year – in part, she assumed, because they no longer hat O.W.L.s to worry about. She was starting to feel increasingly comfortable teasing them back. And, of course, the summer had given her ample opportunity to practice, both over owl and with Petunia (who was a year older than all of them).
"Mediocre?" Sirius asked, offended. "Didn't you wonder how we knew it was you?"
"Yes," she admitted with a frown. "Or how you knew it was anyone, for that matter." She looked from boy to boy to see if anyone looked ready to explain.
"Well, Pigeon," James said smoothly. "To be perfectly honest with you, the first several people we did this to turned out not to be you, but it was worth it just for this moment."
"True," Peter agreed. "Though calling McGonagall 'Ms. Evans,' also proved to be good fun."
Lily couldn't help but smile, though she was still perplexed. However, Remus spoke up before she had the chance to speak again. "You never answered us, Lily. What are you doing out after curfew?"
"I had astronomy class." She knew this response was woefully insufficient.
"Hmm, yes, the view of Jupiter from this hallway is excellent tonight."
"Shut up," she countered immaturely. "Okay, I had astronomy class, alright? But I got... tied up on my way back... okay, forget all of that," she instructed the sniggering teenaged boys before her. "The point is I got separated from my group going up and I was just making my way back to the common room very slowly so as to not make any noise and get in trouble."
"Well that really clears things up."
"Yes, you're a great storyteller. I almost feel as if I were there."
Lily rolled her eyes and tried not to smile. "But of course, then I ran into you, so I assume I'm now already scheduled for a pre-emptive detention."
"Hey!" cried Peter. "We're really turning a new leaf. We haven't had detention all year."
He was inviting her to remind him it was only the second week of school. She didn't bite. "I stand corrected," she said solemnly. Collectively, the group started walking down the hallway and Lily let out a small sigh of relief – they were changing subjects and she was getting escorted back to the common room.
"So, what had you all tied up?" Sirius started again after a few beats of silence.
Lily groaned internally, beginning to accept that the Marauders weren't going to let this go. Just as she opened her mouth to explain, she had a change of heart. These were her friends now – her equals (more or less, more or less). She was a fourth-year student and she was now wandering past curfew, displaying flagrant disregard for the rules. She changed her tactic. "Alright, alright," she grumbled. "I had a date."
Everyone stopped walking. "Who's the guy?" demanded nearly all of the boys at once.
"Rodolphus Lestrange," she told them, naming a prominent Slytherin one year above her.
Silence. "No way," Sirius told her after a moment.
"No, really," she insisted. "He had an epiphany where he realized that muggle-borns are people too, and we embarked on a torrid affair."
"So, what really happened?" asked Remus.
"I ran into Nearly-Headless Nick and got caught up gossiping." Lily sensed a shift in mood when it became apparent that she wasn't going to answer their questions truthfully.
"Ooh, any good gossip?"
"Well, he's counting down the days until you lot graduate, of course, but other than that not too much."
"Hmm, that doesn't sound likely. Might want to try another excuse."
"I stayed late after astronomy to try and sweet talk Professor Burgess and get extra credit."
"How did it go?"
"Oh, phenomenally well. Guaranteed 100% on my next test. Plus, I earned Gryffindor an extra 30 points."
"But Prongs, didn't we walk right by hourglasses? The points looked the same to me."
"Well that was before I walked into Filch and he fell on his face."
"And let me guess – he took away 30 points?"
"Actually 50. I guess I have someone else to thank for the other 20."
James laughed. "Are you going to tell us what you were really doing?"
"No," she replied defiantly. "Hey, wait a minute – where are we going? This isn't the way to the common room."
Sirius threw an arm around her. "Quite right, Evans! As shocking as you might find it, we were not up at this hour simply to rescue you."
"So, what are you doing?"
"Oh, you know... Marauding."
"That's not as helpful as you might think."
"You'll see when we get there."
"And where's 'there'?"
"The astronomy tower," Sirius told her with a devilish grin.
Lily groaned. "This is so counterproductive. I was almost back!"
"Oh relax!" he instructed her. "You're with us. We're not going to get caught."
"I don't believe that. You actually seem to be going out of your way to make as much noise as possible," she observed.
Sirius laughed. "You're doing most of the talking! We were much stealthier before we ran into you and all of your intriguing late-night activities. Anyways, you'll be fine. We have our ways."
Before Lily knew it, she was back at the astronomy tower. "So now do I get to know what it is you're all doing?" she asked the group.
"Oh, it's nothing, really," Remus told her. "Just a small bit of fun to kick off the school year." Lily then watched as the Marauders created a Gryffindor-themed display on the tower. When they were finished, a banner hung from every window with Gryffindor's signature lion and the tower itself was charmed to appear scarlet and gold. Most impressively, they shot out sparks and lights from their wands that conglomerated to form a stunning rendition of the lion, who was flickering, as if on fire. The lion was animated such that it moved around and roared. The whole redesign was finished in roughly five minutes.
"There you go, Evans," Sirius told her as they started walking back. "You've officially Marauded with us. You're a Marauder too now!"
Lily grinned, even though she knew she had contributed nothing to this tame endeavour. Still, the evening turned out to be extremely pleasant, she reasoned later that night (or rather, extremely early in the morning), as she slipped into bed. Who would have guessed that an evening that began with several Slytherins hexing her would have improved so dramatically?
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
As the weather grew colder, Lily settled into a very comfortable rhythm. She now viewed the Marauders as sincere friends and would happily seek out time to spend with them. She found herself eating meals with them, sitting with them in the common room at night, and even occasionally studying with them in the library – although that was mostly just with Remus. She went to Hogsmeade again with the four of them and attended the first Gryffindor Quidditch match with Remus, Peter, and Sirius (the latter of whom accused her of swooning and made her a large sign that read 'Potter's #1 Fan'). Although they perpetually teased her, she got the sense that they genuinely cared for her in a way she hadn't previously experienced – not even from Tuney.
There was, however, one aspect of spending time with these boys that Lily did not particularly enjoy. This was a group of 16-year old boys who had vast amounts of free time on their hands now that they had finished their O.W.L.s. As such, significant amounts of their time and energy seemed to be devoted to girls. To a certain extent, this would be obvious to anyone paying close attention. All four of the boys could be observed sneaking out at night (or during their Hogsmeade visit), popping into broom cupboards, and even taking certain Gryffindors upstairs to their dorm. Unfortunately, Lily was not just anyone, and as she was spending most of her free time with the Marauders, she was subjected to nearly constant talk and gossip about these antics.
Unsurprisingly, it was Sirius who first bragged about one of these encounters in front of Lily. She immediately had the sense that she had just been accidentally privy to a comment that usually would have been reserved for a later time. It took a while for that feeling to fade, since she felt more like the subject of such comments than an interlocutor who would find them interesting. Over time, she began to feel embarrassed for a different reason. Increasingly, bragging about one's latest trip to a broom cupboard, the library stacks, or an abandoned classroom simply became the thing to do. Of course, where everyone got the time to frequent all of these places – given that they were all practically joined at the hip – was never questioned. But no matter how commonplace these discussions became, Lily never participated. Truthfully, they made her feel exceptionally young and inexperienced. Although she had technically had a boyfriend, the pair had never so much as held hands, and it would be laughable to imply otherwise.
While her embarrassment never truly faded, she began to anticipate these conversations at every gathering, so they stopped catching her off guard. Over time, a small portion of her embarrassment was replaced with anger. She grew tired of conversations that objectified women – ones where the boys she had previously admired regarded their female peers as prizes to be won and displayed for all to see. She had tried on numerous occasions to make this point, but it never seemed to resonate.
"You do know she has a name, right?" she had objected one morning when Peter regaled them with a tale of 'that blonde Hufflepuff from Divinations.' "Sure," he had acknowledged. "But why ruin the story with that?"
"You know these are women you're talking about? Not objects?" she has asked in frustration on a different evening as James and Sirius were comparing their latest conquests. Effortlessly, Sirius had replied, "Oh, we know. We've inspected their anatomy."
Finally, in frustration, Lily found herself confiding in a group of people she had scarcely talked to all year: her dorm-mates. It was well past midnight on a Friday night and Lily had just finished airing all of her grievances. She let out an exhausted sigh and collapsed backward onto her mattress.
"Do you think you're upset that they're doing all of this or that they're talking about it?" Alice asked after a moment.
"I..." Lily started. It was an excellent question. "I guess both. But I know I can't really be upset at their behaviour so... I guess I feel like the very least they could do is not talk about it in front of me."
"Lily," Mary said delicately. "Are you sure you're not just upset because it's James? And you don't like to her about him being with other girls?"
Lily groaned, then chuckled. "You girls are too insightful!" she complained in jest. She let out another sigh. "Alright, obviously it rubs me the wrong way to hear these things from James. But he's not the worst offender! Usually it's Sirius, and I'm still embarrassed and angry."
"Is it that they're being too graphic?" questioned Alice. "Or you just don't like hearing about it at all?"
Lily furrowed her brow. "Graphic how?" she questioned.
"Well," she explained. "They talk about sneaking off to cupboards and what not. But do they tell you what they actually do in there?"
"Oh Merlin, no!" Lily exclaimed, sitting up. "That never even occurred to me. I guess I should count myself lucky that they leave that part up to imagination."
"So what is it you actually think they're doing in there?" Mary asked. "Just a quick snog? Sex?"
Lily felt herself blush. Even relative to her dorm-mates, she often felt young and inexperienced. Alice was very modest and at least had never mentioned anything sexual before. However, Mary and Marlene – both of whom had already been 14 for quite a while – were open about being more experienced. "I don't know..." she trailed off, really thinking about the question. "They kind of talk about it like it's sex. I guess they're being modest for my benefit."
"You know, I've been in my fair share of broom cupboards," Marlene piped in for the first time in the conversation. "I think you'd be surprised at how little often goes on in there. Even from a certain fifth-year who will remain nameless," she said with a sly smile, referencing a well-known event from last year. "I think they might be exaggerating things to one-up each other."
"What does go on in there?" Alice asked, curious.
"Oh, a bit of snogging. A lot of fumbling around in the dark." Marlene shrugged and looked at Mary.
"I haven't actually been in these famed cupboards," she said with a chuckle. "But as for other places, just a kiss here and there. I'm sure it depends on the guy, though."
"Oh, for sure," Marlene agreed with a nod. "I've had some guys get in the cupboard and then ask me what we're supposed to do," she said, prompting everyone to have a good laugh.
"So, you think they're making it up?" asked Alice.
"Well, not making it up altogether," she replied. "We know they get around. But they may be..." she trailed off, searching for the right word.
"Inflating their stories," Lily supplied.
"Exactly."
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
After her conversation with her dorm-mates, Lily grew increasingly convinced that Marlene was correct and that the Marauders were exaggerating their various extracurricular activities. She noticed, among other factors, that all four of them were extremely evasive and hardly ever supplied details or facts. However, this realization didn't make her any less irritated by the behaviour. If anything, the idea that they might be tarnishing and objectifying female students by essentially lying was even more vexing. Additionally, she now viewed the whole practice as simply an exercise in self-aggrandizement. If the boys really got going about this girl and that, Lily almost felt ready to burst at the seams, but thus far, had remained in control.
Before she knew it, Halloween was around the corner. The massive pumpkins and creepy music sung by heralded the upcoming fun of the feast. Lily had always enjoyed Halloween as a child and viewed it as her absolute favourite day at Hogwarts. She was looking forward to having some good juvenile fun and, for a change, not thinking about girl-talk.
She went straight to the feast with the other fourth-years after a particularly late Transfiguration class where they had, fittingly enough, been working with human bones. Lily was so ecstatic to be finished with Transfiguration for the rest of the week that she didn't even mind that the Marauders were late. She sat with Mary, Marlene, and Alice and happily chatted about her costumes of Halloween past.
"Evans!" she heard a split second before hands came down on either of her shoulders. "Come sit with us," Sirius instructed.
"But I just filled up my plate," she whined. "It looks so good."
Sirius laughed. "If you promise not to tell, I'll let you in on a little secret: they have food at the other end of the table too!"
The girls evidently had no issues with her leaving. "Go on Lily," Alice told her with a smile, while Marlene gave her a wave and Mary shouted, "We'll never forget you!" Sirius pulled back on her shoulders and off she went.
At the other end of the table, she sat down with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. The conversation was uncharacteristically dark – Remus was telling them that a slew of muggles who were married to witches or wizards were recently murdered. He was obviously unnerved and Peter was trying to convince him that his mother would be fine.
A few minutes later, James appeared and the tone shifted dramatically. "Prongs!" greeted Sirius. "What made you so late? Did you slip into a broom cupboard?" he asked suggestively. Oh, not again, Lily groaned internally. She looked down and tried to focus on the delicious food.
"Maybe," James replied slowly in tone of voice that clearly was intended to mean 'definitely.' And thus began a game of 'Guess-James'-Mystery-Snogging-Partner.' At first, the guesses were serious contenders: girls he had hooked up with in the past, girls that expressed interest, and so on. When James didn't confirm any of these guesses, the game devolved into guesses that were entirely insincere.
"Was it Cynthia Baker?" Sirius ventured, naming a Hufflepuff in Lily's year. This suggestion was met with numerous sniggers – she was rather short and bookish.
"What about that Ravenclaw Chaser?" Remus suggested. More laughs – Lily guessed this was because she was quite muscular. Ugly girls are people too, she replied in her head.
"Maybe it was Bellatrix." This one came from Peter, prompting Sirius to voice disgust. Maybe it was no one, she thought snidely to herself.
"Maybe it was just Deborah Davis." This one came from Remus again. Lily had no idea who this was, but the laughter told her all she needed to know. Maybe it was just imaginary, she was dying to say.
"Maybe it was just his right hand." This was met with silence, for it had come from Lily.
Lily froze in horror, mouth agape. Slowly, she lifted her hand in front of her mouth, as if that would somehow un-say what she just said. She felt her cheeks flush. After a moment, everyone registered the commented and started howling with laughter. How on earth did I just say that? Lily thought desperately as she tried to imagine how she could come back from such a comment. In between laughter, the boys started verbalizing her shock.
"That was ruthless!" declared Peter. Lily concluded there was no coming back and that she would have to leave.
"I can't believe that was you!" remarked James. Lily stood up and attempting to calculate the most seamless way to make her escape.
"Who'd have thought Lily would be the one to take us there?" Remus asked rhetorically. Lily picked up her full plate of dinner and turned away.
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Sirius called at her retreating figure.
Lily approached the girls with whom she had started the feast. "That was quick," Alice commented.
"Help me. I've forgotten how to talk like a normal person," she said weakly.
"Well, well, well," Marlene started in a sinister voice. "Look who comes crawling back," she joked as Mary gestured to her old seat, which was still empty. For a change, Lily was immensely grateful that the Marauders were not her only friends.
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
Lily avoided the Marauders successfully for the rest of Halloween while she received advice ranging from 'I'm sure it's not that bad' (Alice) to 'They probably respect you more now' (Marlene). When she came down for breakfast the next morning – Arithmancy book in hand – she secretly hoped that the Marauders wouldn't be there so she could continue to avoid them. To her surprise, she found just Remus and Peter. As she wasn't passive aggressive enough to avoid them and eat by herself, she begrudgingly walked in their direction.
"Good morning," she said as she sat down across from them. Her voice sounded very high.
"'Morning," Remus replied, avoiding eye-contact. The two of them looked like they were barely avoiding bursting into laughter.
"Where are James and Sirius?" she asked casually, hoping to distract them.
"Probably having some private time with their right hands," Peter answered through poorly contained sniggers.
"That's not funny," Remus said, though the corners of his mouth were turning up.
Lily tried her very hardest to maintain a pout, but even she gave into the situation. Soon enough, all three of them were cackling with laughter.
"Sorry, Lily," Peter apologized once they had calmed down. "I promised I wouldn't make fun of you for that."
"Promised whom?" Lily asked automatically.
"Padfoot."
"Sirius?" Lily confirmed, not trusting her ears. Sirius was the last person on earth who would ever pass up an opportunity to tease her. The two boys nodded.
"The thing is, it actually was very funny," Remus told her genuinely. "Just so unexpected, coming from you."
Lily shook her head and gingerly touched a hand to her forehead. "I don't know what came over me. It just slipped out."
"Don't be sorry," Peter told her. "It was hysterical. And besides, we were being prats." Lily looked up at them, flummoxed. Of all the situations that had run through her head last night, this had never even occurred to her.
"Yeah, Lily," Remus started seriously, putting down his cutlery. "I think we're all feeling a bit sheepish. We've let the bragging-about-birds thing get out of hand."
"What?" Lily asked simply.
"Well, it's obviously been bugging you," Peter started
"- as it should -" Remus interjected.
"Sure," Peter agreed with a shrug. "And you're right to suspect that we're..." he trailed off.
"Stretching the truth," Remus suggested.
Peter nodded and finished: "for our own entertainment."
"It's a kind of really lame game," Remus mused. "With a lot of unspoken rules that we never bothered to share with you." Lily continued to look disbelievingly at the pair of them.
"Anyways, we're going to tone it down a bit," Peter told her.
"So that was all it took? One bad joke?" She was starting to feel elated, despite her better judgement.
"I guess so," Remus replied with a smile.
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
Lily stood wearily in the middle of the hallway near her Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Her legs felt like absolute jelly and she consequently slid down to the floor. She propped her arms against her legs and then let her head collapse into her palms. She took a few very shaky breaths, trying to calm her heart.
"Lily?" a panicked voice asked above her. She popped her eyes open to see James, who was breathing very heavily. He quickly sat down next to her. "Are you alright?" he asked urgently. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. "What happened?" he asked her.
She took a long time trying to halt the onslaught of tears she felt in her eyes. "Ultimately, nothing," she told him, her voice wavering.
James could tell she was fighting tears and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer until she was leaning on his shoulder. "Tell me about it."
"Oh, really, nothing happened," she said, wiping her eyes quickly. She suddenly felt extremely silly. "It was just a bunch of Syltherins. You know how they are."
"Did they hurt you?"
"No, not at all. They didn't cast anything. They just..."
"What?"
"Well, it was mostly Bellatrix. And she was saying she was going to use the cruciatus curse, and I just... she was just talking a big show. But she sounded so serious, you know?"
James tensed up, obviously enraged. "You don't 'talk a big show' about an unforgiveable curse," he complained with audible anger. "Why didn't she?"
"Professor Hewitt overheard her and gave her detention."
James sighed. "One mundane evening for threatening to use a spell that would otherwise land you in Azkaban. Seems like a fair trade." Neither one of them said anything for a moment. "I'm glad you're okay," he told her softly.
"I'm sure she wouldn't have done it," Lily reasoned – partly to convince herself.
"I would be so sure," James warned.
It was Lily's turn to sigh. "I'm not naïve," she practically whispered. "I know I have a target on my back. I just... I have to be optimistic. If I weren't, I wouldn't keep coming back here every year."
James squeezed her shoulder and started rubbing little circles in it. The small part of Lily that had recovered from her encounter with Bellatrix was in heaven, even as the rest was still scared and dejected. "Well, you have to keep coming back. Staying home would just prove them right." Lily exhaled and nodded her head silently. "Besides, you're too smart for us to lose," he said in an attempt to cheer her up. Lily was less than convinced, but tried to muster up a smile nonetheless.
The little circles on Lily's shoulder stopped as James pushed himself up to his feet. She followed suit. There was an awkward moment where no one said anything or moved. "Are you headed back to the common room?" she asked hopefully. She would never ask to be walked back but was secretly dreading being alone in the hallways again.
"Quidditch practice," James replied while he dragged his hand through his hair. Lily nodded and began mentally preparing herself for the walk back. "You should come."
"Hmm?" Lily questioned. She hadn't been expecting that.
"Yeah, you should come," James commented, seemingly having convinced himself. He put an arm on her upper back and steered her in his direction. "Sirius watches sometimes – it's your turn!"
"But I don't like sports," she told with a small smile.
"Well, you don't like sports yet," he countered. "We're still working on you. And I'd love the support!" Lily acquiesced and accompanied him to the Quidditch pitch. She was quite sure that, even though neither one of them voiced it, they had both agreed for Lily's safety. It was extremely humbling. But then again, Lily reasoned with herself, so was your encounter with Bellatrix.
Half an hour later, Lily found herself sitting alone in the stands, feeling thoroughly out of place. To say that Lily had difficulty following the Quidditch practice would be a sincere understatement. After all, she had difficulty following actual Quidditch matches, and those had live commentary. After the first few minutes of chaos, Lily instead let her mind drift to other topics: James, the war, her family, James... She knew she had reached a low point when she started thinking about when she first got accepted to Hogwarts. Her family's first instinct had been to discard the letter as a hoax – would her life had been better if they had just done that?
"Hey there Pigeon," James greeted, pulling her out of her thoughts. He was hovering in front of the stands on his broom, but quickly hopped the guard and sat next to her. "We're all done," he told her, catching his breath. "What did you think?"
"Oh, it was riveting," she said blandly. "The part with the quaffle was fascinating."
James chuckled. "Couldn't follow it?"
"My mind was elsewhere," she said by way of explanation.
"Fair enough," he granted. "What were you thinking about?"
She was silent for moment. "Whether I made the right choice," she answered vaguely.
"What choice?"
"This," she answered, gesturing at the grounds. "Magic."
"What are you talking about?" he asked, perplexed.
Lily sighed. She knew it would sound silly, but decided to confide in him nonetheless. "Well, obviously I didn't choose to be a witch. And I didn't choose to get my letter. But I chose to come here. I really didn't have to – and I almost didn't."
James took a deep breath, mulling this over. "I don't think you should think about these things, Pigeon."
"You're probably right," she agreed. She tried to will herself to think about happier things. "How did you find the practice?"
"Oh, it was fantastic!" he said earnestly. He then ran her through every detail of their new play. Lily tried her best to appear as though she was listening.
When he finished, he looked at her, expecting some kind of response. "You must feel so free," she said wistfully, disregarding his talk of Quidditch tactics. "All you need is a broom, and you can go anywhere in the world."
"Yeah, I suppose," he concurred. "I guess I used to feel that more. I probably take it for granted now."
"As with all things," Lily mused abstractly. Her mind started to drift back to magic. If someone had tried to tell her 10-year-old self that she would one day wonder if she should have purchased a wand at all, she wouldn't have believed them.
"Want a ride?" James asked casually, pulling her out of her thoughts once more.
"I can't fly," she said slowly. "You know that." She smiled slowly, thinking of the day two years ago that James had tried to teach her and several of her classmates, only to have them all stubbornly refuse to leave the ground.
"Oh, I'll be flying," he told her, laughing. "I would never entrust my broom to you without my supervision – I'd be lucky to still have a broom at the end!"
"Well that's not true," she objected, mostly as a stalling tactic. "It would be in pristine condition. Positively untouched." She couldn't decide internally if she wanted him to forget about his offer for a ride or double down.
"Come on," he told her, standing up and offering her a hand. "You've had a hard day. Come for a quick ride."
"I..." she faltered, not sure how to object. "I've never flown before."
"Exactly!" he grinned.
"But what if I fall?" she questioned nervously.
"You won't fall!" he exclaimed with a laugh. "Do you think I would let you fall?"
"Er... no, I guess not." She still hadn't moved an inch closer to the broom.
"Then come on," he told her, grabbing her arm and pulling her close to the edge of the stands. He got on the broom and floated in mid-air.
Lily looked down over the edge at the ground below her. "I'm too scared," she told him softly.
"Pidg, you'll be fine! I do this every day." He held out his hand to help her on the broom.
Lily took a big breath of air and let it out very slowly. Don't think – just act, she told herself. Before she could change her mind, she reached out for his hand and – extremely awkwardly – climbed on the broom. After much fumbling, she was sitting in front of him, leaning back against his chest, while his hands gripped the broom just in front of hers.
"What do I do with my legs?" she asked timidly.
James chuckled. "Press your calves together," he told her. "You can cross your ankles if you like."
"Okay." Her throat was very dry.
"Alright, just relax and don't look down," he said softly. Very, very slowly, he began inching the broom forward. "You okay?" he questioned.
"Yep," Lily answered faintly.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Fine?"
"Great!" he said enthusiastically. "Because you're flying."
"I'm flying?" she asked, surprised. They were now moving much faster. Without thinking, she looked down and let out a yelp.
"I said 'don't look down'!" he scolded, though his voice was comforting. "You'll be fine." As he circled around the pitch slowly, Lily began to relax and enjoy the experience. The soft breeze in her face, the extremely attractive boy she was snuggled up against... she tried to shake that second thought away.
"Are you okay to go faster?" he asked.
"Yeah," she answered quickly, almost excited. Then she thought better of it. "Just a little bit," she stipulated.
"No dives?"
"No!" she objected shrilly.
"Oh, okay. What about loop-de-loops?"
"James!" she warned, panic slipping into her voice.
"I'm just joking, Pidg. I'll keep it very steady." His voice was reassuring and Lily thought passively that she could listen to forever and never tire of it. Slowly but surely, James made his descent to the ground next to the change room. "Okay now just make sure your feet are square and ready to reach for the ground," he told her. She obliged and uncrossed them. Then, extremely gently, she felt the ground reach up and grip the soles of her feet. Somewhat less gracefully than she would have liked, she straightened her body and stepped off of the broom.
"What did you think?" James asked her with a smile.
Against her better judgement, Lily stood on her tip-toes and enveloped him in a hug. "Thank you," she told him sincerely, her face next to his ear. He hugged her back and – after a moment of pure bliss – they both pulled back.
"It was literally nothing," he said with a laugh as he locked up his broom.
"Oh, not just for that," she said with a slight blush. "Also for finding me and bringing me here and... hey wait a minute," she commented, interrupting her own train of thought.
"Yeah?" James questioned.
"How did you find me? How did you know anything had happened?"
"Oh, just luck," he said, hand-in-hair. "I thought I heard something as I turned the corner and then you looked very distressed." Lily nodded along; his explanation was plausible, even though something inside her wondered how he always managed to pop up at such opportune moments.
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
"Evans, now's your chance!" Sirius exclaimed, sitting down next to Lily in the Great Hall.
"Good morning to you too," she replied sarcastically. She offered him a slice of toast off her plate, which he gladly accepted. "My chance for what?"
"You're 14 now," he informed her.
"I am," she said with a smile. "Glad you noticed."
"I think that was supposed to mean 'Happy Birthday'," Marlene teased from across the table.
"Yes, yes, happy birthday," he said with a wave of the hand. "Now's your chance with James," he explained.
"What do you mean?" Lily asked. She was reasonably confident she wasn't blushing. However, she could also see that Alice, Mary, and Marlene were making active efforts to start a different conversation and give her privacy.
"You're 14. He's 16. Now's your chance."
"Oh," she said, her heart sinking just the littlest bit. "I was hoping you knew something I didn't."
"Yeah, that your age is in the dateable range," he told her, taking another slice of toast she had just buttered.
"The age gap is the same it was yesterday," she said contrarily. "Still 35 months."
"Of course you would have that figure at your fingertips." Lily simply shrugged. She had long given up any pretense that she wasn't completely crazy about James. "Still," he argued. "Fourth years and sixth years date all the time. Even the odd fourth and seventh year have fooled around."
Lily paused, biting her lip. "I don't feel very dateable," she confessed. "Besides, why would I even want that? I see how quickly you go through girls. You're my best friends – I don't want to jeopardize that." She meant what she said, although a small part of her still hoped that Sirius would convince her she was wrong.
"I don't think he views you as the average bird, Evans," he told her plainly. "Don't you remember the annoying book he made me read just to please you?"
Lily chuckled. "I thought you liked that!"
"I did," he admitted. "But there were many things I would have rather done with my summer."
"I don't know, Sirius..."
"Okay, fine," he said dismissively as he finished off the last of the toast. "Give it the day. Let it percolate."
Lily returned to her previous conversation with the three girls, but her mind was elsewhere. Was 14 a big difference?
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
Despite the fact that her day was completely filled with her least favourite classes, Lily was having an excellent birthday. Each of the girls had given her something small, but meaningful: earrings from Alice, enchanted socks from Mary (ones that changed colour with the seasons), and enchanted ink from Marlene (which changed colour depending on the salience and significance of the subject matter). She had someone to talk to in each class and all of the professors seemed to be going easy on the students, given the upcoming holidays.
At present, she was sitting in the common room, having finished all of her work. She had just suffered a terrible defeat in a round of chess with Frank Longbottom. Remus came and sat beside her on the couch. "Hi Lily," he said with a smile. "How's your birthday going?"
"Good," she said honestly, turning to face him.
"Oh great!" he replied. "You can turn around now." Confused, she looked over her shoulder and saw a big cake on the coffee table in front of her. It had several candles that were emitting sparks.
"Happy birthday Pigeon!" James exclaimed from behind all the lights.
"Yes, happy birthday," Peter agreed with a smile.
"I wanted to sing, but Prongs told me you'd be embarrassed," Sirius complained.
"I'm good without the singing," she said hastily. She was probably already blushing as it was. "You guys didn't have to do this," she told them, though she was grinning ear-to-ear.
"Sure we did!" James exclaimed.
"Blow out your candles," Remus urged. She did, and to her delight, before they extinguished, they coalesced above the cake to read 'Happy 14th Birthday, Lily!'. Peter started serving the cake onto plates that rather looked like they had been lifted directly from the kitchens. She looked at her slice with a mixture of excitement and apprehension, trying to guess the flavour.
"It's just a regular muggle cake," James assured her. "I did want something more exciting..." he started to complain.
"But then I pointed out that you probably miss how birthdays used to be with your family," Remus said, cutting in.
Lily nodded eagerly and she set to work on her cake. "This is amazing," she told them through a full mouth. The group made idle chit-chat as they ate their cake and Lily felt completely at ease, despite all of the attention.
After they finished, Remus cleaned their plates (with his wand), and James excitedly told her "It's time for your present!" Lily opened her mouth to object, but James beat her to it. "Yes, we had to, you deserve it, don't worry about it, et cetera, et cetera." He then summoned her present from upstairs and placed it on the table.
"Oh, you didn't!" she told him with mock scolding. She was – not so secretly – absolutely delighted. Whatever her present was, it was very large and had a huge bow on top. She took the lid off and found a note:
Dear Pigeon,
You had the nerve to be born right before Christmas – much to the chagrin of gift-givers everywhere, I'm sure! We couldn't exactly get you a birthday present and not a Christmas present, and we also couldn't lead with the best present only to have a disappointing follow-up. So, please consider this gift a fun prelude. More will follow soon!
- James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter
"Oh, whatever you have planned, cancel it! This is more than enough," she pleaded.
"How do you know?" Sirius teased. "You haven't even opened it yet."
"The cake was more than enough!" she countered.
"You have low self-esteem, don't you?" he shot back.
"We're not cancelling Christmas," James told her sternly. "Now open your present." Lily obliged. Inside, she found a fairly large plant she didn't recognize.
"I don't know what this is," she told them frankly.
"It's a sugar shrub," James told her happily. She looked around from face to face for more of an explanation.
"When it flowers, it produces a syrup that's very sweet," Remus explained. "You can use it like sugar in baking and the like."
"You said you do a lot of baking when you go home for the holidays," James reminded her.
"Oh, I do! This will be great," she said with a genuine smile. The rest of the box contained various sweets from Honeydukes – a few of her old favourites and a few she had never tried. "This is perfect," she told them sincerely. She almost felt as though she might cry with gratitude.
"It's a bit of a themed gift," Sirius commented.
"I've never had a better birthday present," she replied.
"That's depressing," he assured her.
"No, no I mean it!" she cried back. She was too happy to be teased.
OooooOooooOooooOooooO
The only bad thing to come out of Lily's birthday was that she had now gained the knowledge that the Marauders were planning on getting her a Christmas present. This, of course, obliged her to get presents for them as well, but she hadn't the faintest idea what they would want. She had spent the whole week trying to ask them for advice, but they had been less than helpful.
"Stop worrying about it so much!" Remus had told her when she asked for about the fifth time. "We don't need anything anyway. We wanted to get you something so you would feel included. And we sprung it on you. We didn't expect anything in return." Absent any other ideas – and even absent opportunities to even shop at magical stores – she was beginning to accept the fact that she would not be getting them anything (even despite Sirius' suggest that she get James 'a nice snogging session'). However, she continued to try and persuade them to give her present to someone else.
On the last day of school, she had come to the conclusion that she would make a large batch of Christmas cookies (ideally with her sugar shrub) and would send some to each of the boys with a heartfelt note whenever she received her present via owl. She still thought it was a terrible facsimile of a present, but it was the best idea she had.
What she was not expecting, however, was to receive her present while still at school. Yet, on the morning she was set to leave, she woke up to see a rather large parcel. Daintily unwrapping it, she quickly discovered that it was a brand-new broomstick. She was caught complete off-guard – had there been a mistake? She quickly checked the note.
Dear Pigeon,
I'm sure you're probably scared and telling all of your dorm-mates I'm a right prat, but I swear this is a good gift! I did my research, and this is the best broom for timid riders. It won't go all that fast and won't make any sudden motions.
Additionally, the broom isn't really the gift. The gift is this: I promise that I will teach you to ride it, no matter how long it takes! I also promise that I will be very patient and not make fun of you once. Oh, and the others have already promised as much too – it is from them as well, after all.
Obviously, the lessons should probably wait until it's warm out, but I promise they'll happen. Such a shame you weren't born in April.
Merry Christmas!
The Marauders
Lily gingerly picked up the broom and ran her fingers up and down it. She never imagined she would ever sit on a broom again after first year, let alone own one. And yet, here she was, and she was actually happy about it. It was far more touching than anything she ever could have dreamt of. She reclined back in her bed, wistfully thinking of what the new year would look like. Maybe 14 will be your year, she thought with a smile.
