GAHHHH! I'm here!

Wow. That was a long and crazy year. I can not express enough gratitude to everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed/reached out to me. Your kind words were really amazing and overwhelming. I love you all!

I'll be making a Tumblr post to talk about this a little more extensively and don't want to bore you with the details, but getting this chapter out was so incredibly difficult!

Firstly, of course, my pregnancy made it tough. My son has been here, happy and healthy since March, but my creativity took a serious hit. It was a somewhat complicated pregnancy but I still wrote every chance I could between my two on going fanfics and my DRRR requests Tumblr.

THEN, my computer had a catastrophic failure and I lost literally everything I had written from October 2017 up until May 2018. It was devastating. I had had the chapter nearly complete then and the thought of completely starting over was so discouraging.

I pulled it together though. Because this story (and my creativity as a whole) is sooooo crazy important to me. And so are you guys! Thanks again for your amazing continued support.

As a thank you I tried to make this chapter as long (and satisfying ;3) as possible. Please enjoy.


"Shit!"

Tamina awoke at the sudden jostling and subsequent disappearance of warmth around her. This caused her to let out a displeased groan as she stretched and began to search for the disturbance.

"Sorry." Shizuo apologized in a hushed voice as he stood out of her bed and patted his pants to locate his phone. "I'm so late for work."

"I hope you're not in trouble." Tamina said through a stifled yawn.

"You and me both." He replied, taking his phone out to text Tom a heads up. "I'd be shit out of luck if I lost this job."

She sleepily watched him, nestling back into her pillow. She didn't have any pressing chores and her first day of work with the Awakusu's didn't start for a few hours. If he was leaving she could sneak in some extra sleep.

He was crazy late at this point, he was well aware. But still, it was so hard to leave her. He wondered when this would get easier. In fact, he wondered when a lot of things would. But for once we wasn't looking toward the future with so much fear. He was eager for it. Excited.

He shrugged off the distraction of her sweet, tired face and forced himself to get the ball rolling. "I'll see you later." He said with reluctance, tugging the blankets up and over her shoulder to cover her.

She gave him a sleepy smile and nod. Her eyes were closing and it was clear she was already giving herself back over to sleep. Shizuo grinned himself, rather widely in fact. He leaned over to plant a kiss on top of her head then stood and left.


Tamina scanned the small shopping list Mrs. Awakusu had texted to her. She scrolled through the message just to make sure she hadn't missed anything. After this there was some dry cleaning to pick up. Then some meal prep and time with Akane. It was all work she was abundantly familiar with. Working for the Yakuza, however, felt much different.

A fancy car had arrived to escort Tamina around the city. A tall, well dressed driver opened and closed the door for her, even after she insisted it wasn't necessary. Should she have dressed up for this? Everyone involved with the company seemed to be very well dressed. She could feel the eyes on her as she went about what should be typical daily tasks. And the thick, black bank card with the 'Awakusu' name clearly printed on it only drew more attention. She hadn't anticipated how different this work would feel, and she started to wonder if she had bitten off more than she could chew. She silently marveled with some resentment. How did Izaya always manage to make her feel this way? Even now. It was only her first day, she reminded herself. Thinking back, even the twins were quite intimidating at first. Now she couldn't imagine her life without them. She had to at least give this work a chance.

When the errands were done she was dropped off at the Awakusu's home. With the unnecessary assistance of her driver she brought in the dry cleaning and light groceries and got right to the task of putting them away and preparing meats and vegetables for dinner. It was just a short while later that Akane came happily bounding into the kitchen to accompany her.

"Good afternoon Miss Tamina!" The girl said wearing a bright and friendly smile.

This made Tamina smile too. "Good afternoon Miss Akane."

Akane joined Tamina in the kitchen. She sat quietly at the table so not to interrupt Tamina's work, but it was very clear to Tamina that the girl was excited by her presence. In full nanny mode, Tamina finished with the groceries and threw together a snack for Akane. Akane looked up from the notebook she'd been sketching in when Tamina placed the plate on the table for her.

"Thank you!" She said politely as she helped herself.

Tamina gave her a pat on the head. She was just too cute. It was amazing that such a sweet little girl could be growing up surrounded by gangsters and controversy. Despite her reservations earlier, it was nice spending time with Akane. She got the feeling the girl longed for company like this. She could tough it out for the more stressful parts of this job. Especially for Akane.

"So, you like to draw?" Tamina asked, tilting her head to look at Akane's notebook.

Akane smiled modestly and turned the book to give her a better look. "Yeah. I really like art. Even though I'm not very good."

"Everyone starts somewhere." Tamina assured her. "I think it's really nice."

Akane's smile widened. "That's what my daddy tells me. He says all great artists had to work hard at it. And eventually maybe my art can be sold at our family's galleries."

There was a brief lapse in Tamina's thoughts. Family galleries? Then she remembered. She'd only been vaguely aware before, but she'd learned that the Awakusu's operated out of a few Art Galleries in the city. A front for their more unorthodox work. She knew that Akane didn't know much, but she didn't realize that she was completely unaware of her families true affiliations.

It did explain things though. Like how such a sweet, innocent little girl could be growing up among the kings of the underworld. She couldn't be tainted by something she wasn't aware of.

"I think your daddy is right." Tamina told Akane.

Tamina's time here was winding down. Mrs. Awakusu hadn't been specific with dinner instructions, so she used what was on hand to make seasoning for the meat, then left it wrapped on the counter. After that she cleaned up everything she'd used, along with Akane's lunch plates. She was wrist deep the soapy water in the sink when Akane's voice startled her.

"Welcome home daddy!" The girl said cheerfully.

Tamina turned to attention, awkwardly hiding her sudsy hands behind her back. She'd never met Akane's father and it hadn't occurred to her until this very moment how much that terrified her. This was the next in line of the Awakusu's. The kind of person that could make you or break you in life. "Hello!" She mindlessly blurted when his eyes came to her.

"Who're you?" Mikiya Awakusu asked with little indication in his voice. He'd never seen this girl in his kitchen before.

Before Tamina could speak, Akane did, to her relief. "This is Miss Tamina, daddy!" She told him. "Mommy hired her!"

"Right, right." He seemed to remember. "The errands girl. What's that smell?" Boss Mikiya asked, clearly inhaling the aroma in the room.

"It's dinner daddy, doesn't it smell good?" Akane told him cheerfully hugging Tamina's leg.

"Nothing's cooking yet." Tamina clarified. "I just have some meat seasoned and ready for your wife. It'll smell a lot better when she cooks it. She should be home soon." Tamina could hear herself rambling. She wished she could just shut up but she couldn't help how nervous she felt.

"Hm." Was all Boss Awakusu said, then began to leave the kitchen.

"Well!" Tamina seized the moment. "I've got to get home to my other job. I'll see you later this week Akane." She said almost too quickly, giving Akane a pat on the head then making a bee line for the front door.

"My guy will drive you." Mikiya told her suddenly while he looked over the meats waiting for preperation on the stove top. He then gave a sharp whistle to call in one of the many associates occupying the property.

"Oh, no." Tamina protested. "That's really not necessary."

A moment later one of the men in suits joined them, waiting expectantly for an order. "Take Miss Tamina home." The boss told him. The man nodded and began to head out. "And take care of her." The boss added, then exchanged a look with his subordinate.

A chill shot up Tamina's spine. 'Take care of her'? What did he mean by that? If this was anything like those gangster movies, she had a clue. She tried not to appear visibly nervous as the man in the suit gave her a nod and began to lead her out.

Akane waved Tamina off happily, completely unaware of the anxiety that gripped her new caregiver.


The car pulled up to Tamina's apartment building. She fumbled with the handle, trying to get out before the man could circle around and let her out. "Thank you! Have a good day!" She blurted as she shoved out the door.

"Wait a minute!" The man called, halting her.

She inwardly groaned and nervously waited as the man approached her. She tried not to visibly flinch when he reached into his jacket pocket. Was this it? Was he going to cap her right here on the sidewalk? In broad day light?To her surprised though, he pulled out a thick wad of folded bills. He started to count out the money,

Tamina, less threatened and more confused, watched him. "Mrs. Awakusu and I have already made payment arrangments-" She started to explain.

The man pressed the money to her chest, making it difficult for her to refuse. "This is from the boss."

Tamina clutched the money to her, so it wouldn't fall to the ground. She wasn't sure how much this was but it was certainly a lot. "I'm confused." She admitted.

"Nothing to be confused about." The man told her, beginning back toward the driver side of his car. "Just be happy you made a good impression."

The car pulled away but Tamina stood at the curb a while longer. When she finally gained some sense again she pulled her bag from over her shoulder and sloppily stuffed the cash inside of it. 'Was this for real?' She wondered. Between what Izaya was paying her to look after the twins, her new income from Mrs. Awakusu, and these 'tips', her income was certainly not modest now days. It was actually quite conspicuous. Since she'd come to Ikebukuro, her life had changed in so many ways.

She pondered on the last few months while she walked up to her apartment. She thought back to that night on the rooftop when Izaya told her she should jump. She wondered if time made you look upon memories with more reverence than you should. Because for some reason, every time she thought about that night lately, she thought of it like an awakening. Almost empowering.

There was a time when she couldn't think about that night at all. It haunted her. Now she remembered it so vividly. Standing on that precipice. The wind. The sounds. The break down. Everything crumbling around her only to be rebuilt in such a short amount of time. There really was nothing she could compare to staring death in the face. There were times that she had felt sad and lost since then, but that was the turning point she could clearly discern in her life. This place. Her new friends. The twins. Akane. Shizuo... They meant so much to her. And they had all happened in such rapid succession. Like everything truly needed to fall apart before something good could come together.

Tamina found the door to her apartment unlocked. She assumed the twins had finally made their way home and entered without a second thought. After slipping off her shoes and hanging up her bag, she made her way down the hall. Just when she was about to call out to the twins, she halted. This was becoming ridiculous.

Izaya looked rather pleased with himself as usual. He sat at the dining table, enjoying one of her boxed lunches.

"What are you doing?" She asked flatly.

"I think a person's taste in food says so much about them!" Izaya suddenly began as if she hadn't even asked a question. "I mean, think about it! If a person likes very spicy things, don't you automatically think they're somewhat more adventurous? And bland things! Like a person who doesn't season their food at all. Wouldn't you assume a person like that would be pretty boring? So, what about you? Does the fact that you make everything so delicious speak to something deeper about your character?" He took another big bite. "I'm not sure myself, but I do love your cooking Miss Takeda."

"Izaya," Tamina said impatiently, not buying his philosophical banter. "What are you doing?" She repeated the question.

"I was just in the neighborhood!" He explained. "I was hungry, so I thought I'd stop by and enjoy some of this food I pay for."

That wasn't an outrageous answer, she supposed. He paid for this place. He paid for the food in it. If he wanted to stop by, who was she to turn him away? Especially considering he was her boss. Her previous difficulties with him and his constant fluctuations in maturity often made her forget this. Considering, she just turned and stalked down the hall toward her room. He had every right to be here, but she wasn't obligated to entertain him.

"Things look like they're working out with the Awakusu's." Izaya observed.

Tamina stopped, peaking back at him. "Yeah. They are." She admitted.

"I knew they would." Izaya said, rather smugly.

She turned to look at him. Any one else might think nothing of his words. He looked innocent enough. Eyeing her and slurping his noodles rather obnoxiously. She, however, knew better. There was never a time where he really meant what he said. With Izaya, you always had to read between the lines. Tamina briefly reflected on the things she'd seen and learned to be real in the last few months. Fairies without heads that rode motor cycle horses. Gangs of average joes and students. A man with insurmountable strength. It was in this moment that she started to question every encounter that she had had with Izaya.

She turned and came back, sitting across from him at the table to his visible surprise. She crossed her arms and leaned on them. "Are you a human?" She decided to just ask.

It was a reasonable question. He so often regarded humans as if they were something entirely different than he was. The physical feats he was capable of were above average for any human she'd ever seen too. He certainly didn't behave like a human most times. With what she knew now, was it so crazy to think he might be something different?

Izaya looked at her a while longer. Just when Tamina thought he might say something of importance, he let out a hard gaffaw. "Oh Miss Takeda! You're so adorable!" He cackled to her dismay. "Seriously! You're so doe eyed and precious! I can't stand it!" Suddenly he stopped laughing. He still looked amused. "That's why I like you so much. You're just the best kind of human." He said.

Tamina's eyes narrowed at him. He was playing games. As usual. She expelled an irate breath and leaned over the table. "All done?" She asked, snatching his lunch.

"Not quite." He mumbled while he slurped the last noodle he managed to hook before she prematurely took away his food. He guessed he deserved that. Pushing her buttons seldom went without mild consequence. It hardly deterred him though. "Testy, testy. How is it that you're sweet as pie with everyone else but you reserve this feisty girl just for me? I feel kind of special."

She stalked into the kitchen and impatiently tossed his unfinished lunch into the sink. "Because no one else makes me as crazy as you do, Izaya." She admitted. This just caused him to grin. She shot him another glare. "That isn't a compliment."

He cackled, leaning back in his seat, folding his arms behind his head comfortably.

Tamina returned to the table. "So you don't want to talk about last night?" She confronted him.

"Something happened last night?" His tone was innocent, but his eyes gave him away. She was able to recognize the look by now. He'd done it a hand full of times before and it had been unnerving. By now she was getting used to it. He'd often play it off, but there was a dark, possessive glint in his eyes. Especially when it came to matters of her with Shizuo.

"So what's your end game this time?" She crossed her arms and stared him down. "What are you going to sabotage? Our deal or my relationship?"

Izaya laughed but the tone of the conversation clearly changed. "My work is something I take seriously Miss Takeda. Your deal with me will remain intact as long as your 'boyfriend'," There was a disgusted inflection to his tone. "Doesn't kill me first. As far as your relationship." He smirked. "That will sabotage itself in no time, so I can't even be bothered."

Tamina eyed him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'll admit. It irritates me to no end. With Shizu-chan's annoying ability to turn up at the most inopportune times and your love of running head first into destructive situations, I should have seen this coming. As much as I hate watching my toys get smashed, I'm ready to let this thing run it's course." Suddenly he was kind of cheerful again. "And once it does, you can come over and make me dinner!" He insisted, as he often did. "Maybe share a bottle of wine?"

Her face clearly held confusion. "What are you talking about? What do you mean destructive?"

"Oh stop that Miss Takeda. You're smarter than that." He said. "Is your habit of self destruction and troublesome relationships something that really escapes you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Now she was becoming annoyed.

"Have you two had a fight yet?" He asked suddenly. "Like a real fight?" She was surprised by the question clearly. "Have you ever made him really mad?" He pressed.

Now Tamina was disgusted. Was he really suggesting...? She couldn't even finish the thought. It repulsed her. "Shizuo would never hurt me."

Izaya shrugged. "Purposely? Maybe not. Maybe so! You never know with him. Did you know he tried to throw a refrigerator at his little brother when they were just kids? I may not care for my siblings but at least I'm not trying to bodily harm them."

"That's not true. He wouldn't do that." Tamina insisted immediately.

He laughed. "I'm a well regarded info broker, Miss Takeda. My word is about the only sure and honest thing you can find in this city." There was a moment. "Buy, rather." He added.

"Nothing about you is sure or honest and you're crazy. You're not going to get in my head. I know Shizuo." She told him sternly.

"Like you knew Nakura." He smirked. The face she wore assured him he'd gotten the final word.

She wasn't prepared for it. And it wounded her. She didn't have a witty retort or clap back. "If you don't have any information for me regarding our deal or my employment you can go." Was all she said.

Izaya roughly pushed away from the table. "Was just heading out!" He said obnoxiously, pulling his jacket off the back of the chair and tossing it on. "By the way Miss Takeda," He started to say, causing her to look up. "Don't I pay you to keep this place clean?" He asked.

She was so preoccupied by his usual invasive presence that she hadn't noticed. Scanning the room now she could see that the girls had been home at some point, and the evidence of it was everywhere yet again. How could those two make such messes so quickly? Izaya showed himself out and Tamina let out a groan, letting her head sink down and tightly smack onto the table in defeat.


The work day was coming to an end. Shizuo kept pace with Tom on their way back to the office.

"Sorry again about earlier." He apologized.

"Don't sweat it! Everyone oversleeps sometimes." Tom told him again. There was silence, but after a moment Tom said with a sly smirk. "Especially when you spend the night at your girlfriends place..."

Shizuo didn't react the way Tom expected. He just heaved a sigh and averted his gaze. Tom never wanted to be on Shizuo's bad side so he immediately tried to clarify. "She's your girlfriend, right? The short girl you got the phone and flowers for?"

"Yeah." Shizuo said right away. "I mean, we didn't outright say it like high school kids or anything. But we're definitely 'seeing' each other."

This should be great news, but Tom knew Shizuo well enough to know when something else was on his mind. "You wanna talk about it?" He decided to ask.

Shizuo thought on it. It would do him good to vent but he hesitated. "It's kind of embarrassing."

"Come on, man." Tom assured. "You can tell me."

Shizuo exhaled a hard breath through his nose and decided to talk. "I did stay at Tamina's place last night. But nothing happened. I mean, it started to. She was there on top of me, kissing me, trying to get me to take my clothes off. But all I could think about in that moment was how afraid I was to touch her. I didn't want to hurt her."

"Like, you're afraid you can't control yourself?" Tom asked, trying to understand his meaning fully.

"When can I ever control myself?" He replied bitterly, eyes on the pavement. "And this is different. I've never felt the way I feel about Tamina. She makes me feel like I could be someone else. Not in a bad way. Like I could finally be the kind of person I want to be. Someone better then I am. I just feel like I'm always a breath away from screwing everything up. To be honest, I don't know how I'd handle it if things didn't work out."

"Wow, that serious?" Tom asked.

Shizuo just nodded.

Tom was taken by surprise. He'd known Shizuo for a long time but he saw it. He'd always been an emotional man, but Tom could clearly see the girls influence at play here. She had Shizuo all worked up in a way he'd never seen. "Wow, that's heavy stuff, man." Tom held his chin in thought. "Well, if you're that serious, you have no choice but to move forward. If you don't, how is she going to know you feel that way?"

"Easier said then done." Shizuo mumbled.

"Says the guy who can hurl a vending machine clear across town." Tom said with a chuckle. "I've seen you do impossible things for years Shizuo. This stuff? Relationships and sex and love? Those are the normal things. That's what you've always wanted right? A normal, peaceful life?"

How did Tom always do that? Ever since they were kids he knew exactly what to say to make Shizuo think clearly. And as usual, he was one hundred percent right.


"Is this a disciplinary call?" Mairu asked when she answered her phone.

"Yes this is a disciplinary call!" Tamina couldn't contain her irritation. "You told me you guys weren't going to do this anymore." Her tone turned into more of a whine.

"Why are you so upset? I told you, you don't have to worry about us."

"Yes I do!" Tamina told her. "That's my job. I can't let you two run around this city by yourselves all day and night!"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you two to end up in some perverts rape dungeon!" Tamina said rather dramatically.

"Oh, kinky!" Mairu cooed.

"Mairu..." Tamina groaned.

"What? Don't kink shame me!"

This wasn't getting anywhere. "Put Kururi on the phone." She told Mairu, unable to entertain her goofy lewdness right now.

There was jostling on the other end and Kururi's flat voice came. "Hello."

"What are you two doing?" Tamina asked.

"Looking for the black rider."
"Alone?"

"No, with Egor."

"Who?"

"Egor."

"Who's that?"

"He's Russian."

"Okay, why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why...Everything? Why are you looking for the rider? Why with a Russian-?"

"Egor."

"What?"

"His name is Egor."

Tamina knocked her head back against the wall she slumped against in frustration. This wasn't getting anywhere either... She should have seen this coming. They were teenage girls after all. Everyone reached an age where they wanted to test boundaries. Considering their lax upbringing thanks to their brother, maybe she should be thankful it wasn't worse than this.

There was shuffling on the other line again. Mairu's voice came back. "You sound stressed. Why don't you take the night off?"

"I can't do that." Tamina said.

"Why not?"

Tamina didn't have a straight answer for that. She always felt obligated to stay in at nights because of this 'job'. She was receiving a ridiculous salary after all. She wanted to be responsible. "I just can't."

"Go have a drink! Spend some time with friends! Get laid! You need it."

"Thanks." Tamina mumbled sarcastically.

"Still mad?" Mairu asked sweetly.

Tamina gave a long exhale. "No."

"We love you."

"I love you too." She huffed and hung up.

Tamina wandered around the living space, snatching things off the floor here and there. Her mind wandered while she tidied. She thought about the twins. As much as she wanted to keep them safe, she knew they weren't ones to be sheltered. They'd somehow made it just fine without her before. Part of growing up was having adventures and making not so great decisions. She certainly knew that well. If they wanted to be young and wild there wasn't much she could do to stop them.

Her mind started to drift. There was a light throb in her head. It happened every so often, even after all this time. Especially when her hair was pulled up. She could feel the exact spot on her scalp where a large plank of wood had collided with her skull thanks to her boyfriend. She wondered how hard it had actually hit her for the wound to still bother her every now and then.

What if it had hit her harder? Or more directly? What about all the signs and light posts Shizuo was about to pick up and throw. What would being hit by something like that do to her? Could she survive a blow like that? Even an unintentional one?

Suddenly she stopped herself. What was she thinking? This was Shizuo she was thinking about. He was the sweetest person ever. Others may not know that side of him but it was their fault they didn't. All they had to do was get to know him. He didn't want to hurt anyone, ever.

This was Izaya's fault. Despite being completely aware of it, Tamina found herself being sucked into his manipulation. She shook it off, lighting tapping her temples with her open palms. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up." She murmured softly to her own mind.

Her phone in her pocket started to vibrate, giving her the distraction she needed. She kicked the dryer door shut and started the cycle before answering Kyohei's call. "Hello?"

"Come have hot pot." He said.

"Huh?"

"Hot pot. At the mob doctors house."

"I don't know-" Tamina started to protest.

"Your boyfriend is here."

That's all she needed to hear...


"Tamina!" Shinra exclaimed as he opened the door. "So glad you could make it! Sorry for the short notice, but we just kind of threw this thing together."

"Thanks for inviting me." Tamina replied politely.

She was surprised by how many faces she encountered when she entered the apartment. Kyohei and her van friends were all present and accounted for. They gave big smiles and waves as soon as she entered the room. Celty was there, of course. She was mingling among the other guests surprisingly well. It was another circumstance where Tamina didn't mean to be surprised by how ordinary Celty really was. There were many new faces as well. To her surprise, there were quite a few students from Raira Academy.

Tamina scanned around the room and made brief greetings until she found the person she was looking for. Once her eyes found him she smiled wildly. She couldn't contain herself. All the pesky doubts she'd had earlier melted away when she saw him.

Even though he was in the middle of a conversation with Kyohei, Shizuo couldn't contain his enthusiasm either. The moment their eyes locked it was over. They made the necessary rounds and mingled with the other guests. They didn't want to make things too obvious, but they were dying to get to each other.


"Hey, Kyohei." Shizuo finally said after their conversation. "Mind if I ask you something? Just between us?"

Kyohei was taken by surprise. He and Shizuo were on good terms, but he hadn't expected him to reach out like this. "Sure." He replied.

"Tamina," Shizuo started to say, his eyes flashing to the girl across the room who was sitting with one of the Raira kids. "You guys hang out a lot with your friends."

"Yeah." Kyohei confirmed, sipping his beer.

"I'm not stepping on anyone's toes, am I?" Shizuo was up front about it.

"Nah, it's not like that." Kyohei waved him off. Then he seemed to think on it. "I mean, maybe with Erika, but she's just wild like that. And Tamina isn't really into that. As far as us guys go, she's just our friend. It's all platonic, trust me."

"Have you known her long?" Shizuo asked, swirling the drink in his cup. He didn't usually drink like this. It never really did anything for him. But tonight he found himself indulging. It was easing his nerves, if nothing else.

"No, actually." Kyohei said with a soft laugh. "Not much longer than you probably." He admitted.

Shizuo was surprised by this. "Really? You all look like such good friends."

Kyohei shrugged. "Tamina's good like that. She's just the type of person you connect with right away." Kyohei thought on his words for a second, considering Shizuo's usual attitude. "I'm sure you've noticed." He decided to say.

Shizuo's eyes flickered from his cup to him and back again. He took a swig and said. "She used to know Izaya too. What do you make of that?"

Kyohei contemplated. He knew that Tamina was still in business with Izaya. He employed her, but she also had other endeveours with the info broker. The details of which she couldn't tell even him. He wasn't sure what Shizuo knew about Tamina and Izaya, and he didn't want to blow up her spot. He was carefully honest. "Tamina doesn't have a mean bone in her body. And Izaya manipulates everyone in this city, whether they know it or not. I don't blame her at all for him."

Shizuo seemed wholly satisifed with that. He gave a nod. "You're right."


"Do you know Mairu and Kururi Orihara?" Tamina asked as she came to sit next to one of the Raira students. The one with the funny name.

"I only met them briefly today." The boy admitted almost nervously.

Given the twins usual antics, Tamina didn't find the boys reservations surprising. "They can be a handful. But they mellow out when you get to know them." There was a pause. "A little." She admitted.

"Does that mean you know Izaya Orihara too?" The boy asked.

Tamina was surprised. Why would Izaya be involved with high school kids? She could probably ask the same of anyone at this party, but Izaya's motives were always questionable. "Yes, I do." She told him. "Why?"

"Oh! No reason! I was just curious!" He gave a little laugh.

She nodded. She wasn't sure if it was just her or the topics but his nerves never seemed to dissipate.


"Sorry again about the whole, pen thing." Seiji admitted.

"Water under the bridge." Shizuo assured him. Then Shizuo had a thought. "Actually, I want to thank you for something."

Seiji couldn't think of anything that would have significance to someone like Shizuo. Especially since their last unfortunate encounter. "What's that?"

"You said something like 'Love is a feeling. You can't explain it.'" Shizuo explained.
"Is there someone you love?" Seiji asked.

Shizuo refused the urge to shoot a glance at Tamina. "There's someone I have feelings for that I can't explain..." Shizuo said.

Seiji nodded at this. His eyes looked to Mika. This was the first moment all night they hadn't been together. He hadn't realized how much he liked her suffocating energy until it wasn't around. She was currently talking to Celty, passing along a recipe. "It finds you at the strangest times." He started to say, his eyes returning to Shizuo. "But trust your feelings."


They eventually found their way to each other. It was awkward and cute. They shared 'hello's' and brief summaries of their days. The room was so crowded though...

"Mind if I steal you away?" He asked.

Tamina smiled and cast a brief glance around at her friends. "Not at all." She said, accepting his hand, letting him lead her to the balcony.

It was a smart move on his part. They'd both felt the rooms eyes on them the moment they'd entered. It was silly to think their relationship would go unnoticed. Every party guest acted casual, but the constant flickering of eyes and whispers confirmed what Tamina and Shizuo already knew. All eyes were on them.

Once they came out on the balcony Shizuo shut the door behind them and they took seats in the balcony's reclined chairs. Now they had privacy. Now they could fully indulge in each others company.


"Alright, high school kids! I'm afraid I'm going to have to call curfew!" Shinra called to the room. "Go ahead and get home safe. Shoot us a text when you do. Celty and I will be checking you!"

Seiji and Mika clung to each other, discussing which apartment they'd go to for the evening. The kid with the long name offered to walk the girl with glasses home. One by one the younger attendees or the party dispersed.

"As for the rest of you," Shinra announced once the kids were gone. "I'm collecting car keys." Everyone had had plenty to drink that night and no one was leaving the premises under his or Celty's watch. "There's more then enough space. There's the couch and I put extra bedding on the floor. There's also fresh bedding in the guest room if anyone is so inclined. As for us..." He cast a glance down the hall. Celty had disappeared down there some time ago. He looked anxious to get to her. "We're off to bed. Good night!" And he was off.

Tamina and Shizuo remained outside for the duration of the event, watching the city go from bustling to dull and quiet in the night. They sat on the balcony talking for hours. There was deep conversation. The kind that really gets the mind working. And then there were times where their faces hurt from laughing so much.

Shizuo marveled when there was a break in conversation. He watched Tamina while she looked out over the balcony toward the highway below. The occasional car that passed in the late hour cast some light on them, causing her big eyes to illuminate temporarily, then return to nearly black when the dark returned. He stared as hard as he could. He wanted to remember what she looked like in this light. In this mood. He couldn't say it right now. It would be crazy to. But in his heart, he knew. He was so in love.

"Tamina," He started to say. Then his mind went blank. What was it that he wanted to say? How had he explained it to Tom early? He tried desperately to remember how he'd described his feelings for her with his friend. Tamina looked from the city to him with his prolonged silence. With her eyes on him it was even more hopeless. For the life of him, he couldn't remember the monologue of feelings he'd had running through his head all night. His confession was crashing and burning.

A little smile crept onto her face as she looked at him. She knew well by now when he was struggling with words. This filled him with warmth and he realized it didn't matter what he said or how he said it. What mattered was how he felt every time he saw her smile.

"You make me better." He finally said.

It wasn't what he had intended to say. In fact, it was a pitiful comparison to the slew on words he'd had earlier in the day. But it was just as well. Tamina couldn't have understood his sentiment more deeply. "You make me better too." She replied, her eyes never leaving his.

Her reciprocation meant more to him than she could ever know. All the lonely, self loathing years seemed to fade away. His past wasn't hurtful anymore. Now that he had something so amazing to look forward to.

"Come on." He said before he could think better of it. He stood and extended a hand to her.

She was confused by the sudden request, but accepted his hand and stood when he gave a light tug. He opened the sliding glass door of the balcony and they reentered the apartment quietly.

Kyohei was slumped against the back of the couch with his hat pulled over his face. His arms were crossed but it was clear by his even breathing that he was sleeping. Erika laid across the length of the couch asleep with a pillow and blanket. Saburo was on the floor with the bedding Shinra had put out and Walker was awake, but intensely distracted by the late night run of anime on his favorite TV network.

They didn't rejoin the group. Instead Shizuo lead Tamina down the hall to the guest bedroom. They'd spent time in that room before. Even shared their first intimate moments. Well, intimate for him...

Tamina didn't know what to make of his sudden migration and haste. It was so late and they really should get some sleep, but his hurried pace gave her a sneaking suspicion that sleep wasn't what he hurried toward. Still, she didn't want to get ahead of herself... They entered the guest bedroom and shut the door behind them.

"Lock the door." Shizuo's voice came more gruffly than she expected while he went about the task of setting up the guest futon.

She obeyed, turning the doors lock and flipping the light switch after. It was only a moment. The room had only momentarily disappeared from her view when she felt his grip on her wrist, lightly tugging her toward him. She let a laugh escape as he led her in the dark. She felt him pull her down so she sank to her knees on the guest bedding.

"Are you okay?" She asked, laughter in her voice.

"Yeah." Is all Shizuo said before he covered her mouth with his.

This wasn't like his usual, clumsy, slow kisses. He was kissing her with purpose. She let a moan escape against his mouth, surprised by the pace he was setting. Between this and his hurried actions she was beyond confused. Was this the green light she'd been waiting for? She hadn't planned on pushing the physical part of their relationship after last time. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable again. But concern for that was slipping away fast.

The truth was, he couldn't slow down. Not if he wanted to do what he wanted to do. There was no time to think. If he did, even for a second, he knew he'd lose his nerve. And there was no way he was going to pussy out now. She meant too much to him. Things were too real. He would seal this deal tonight and show her that she was welcome across all of his boundaries.

They fell in a heap against the bedding. Shizuo complied when Tamina pulled him on top of her, hugging his neck. Their make out grew heavier than ever before. Tamina was melting with need by now. She prayed he wouldn't stop. Her fingers traveled to his tie and hooked it, tugging it off with a light yank. She then began working on the buttons of his vest and shirt. To her surprise, she only managed to unbutton the first few before Shizuo broke away from her mouth and ducked down and out of the garments, pulling them over his head. She was equally surprised when he immediately started to work on her shirt. She'd barely gotten it off when his mouth caught hers again and she could feel his hands fumbling with the waist band of her pants.

The logistics of it all were becoming lost to Shizuo. He was in a haze. The room was so hot. Or was that just him? Articles of clothing were disappearing left and right. 'Just keep moving.' He willed himself. If he could just keep things going, he might just be able to do this. In the lustful fog he clung to, they managed to remove the rest of their clothes. The small tug of arousal from last night was nothing compared to the painful need he had now.

Suddenly, however, everything came screeching to a halt for him. 'No.' He thought, almost pained. There she was. She was just laying there beneath him, bare breasted in the dimly lit room, looking up at him with her big dark eyes. All at once his nerves returned full force. His body completely locked up. He just hovered there, staring down at her. He felt as if he were on top of a pane of glass. His slightest move could make it shatter. She never looked more fragile to him. A million concerns resurfaced. What if he hurt her? What if he wasn't good? What if she...?

She recognized the look that his face adopted. She could see clearly on his face when he was thinking too much. He was definitely having doubts. He couldn't stop now! He'd brought her this far! If he didn't finish what he had started she felt like she'd go mad. She knew he could. She just needed to show him.

"Here, let me." She said, pushing back against his shoulder. He looked confused but she insisted, guiding him to turn over. He obeyed, momentarily happy to relinquish the lead in this situation. It was short lived though. His nerves sky rocketed again when she made him lay down and climbed on top of him. Now she hovered over him, straddling his waist, hands planted on either side of his head. She leaned over him to start gently kissing again to get him back on task but she found some resistance still.

His nerves were still pulling at him. "Wait." He murmured between her kisses. "I don't... have anything." He nervously realized.

She spoke softly, kissing the corner of his mouth now and then to keep him keyed up. "I'm on birth control, if that's what you're worried about..."

After the scare with Izaya a few months ago, she'd immediately sought out a more dependable form of contraceptive. She never wanted to be in that situation again, worrying and playing the waiting game. Especially with someone she wasn't ready to have a family with. A pill a day put her mind at ease now.

Shizuo let out a relieved breath. At least he didn't have to worry about that. He was going to have to focus on so many things if he was really going to go through with this. He wasn't sure if stopping in time was going to be something he could commit to.

Looking down at him, Tamina noticed his arms were firmly planted at his sides. He was still and held onto some of the blankets nervously. For her, that just wouldn't do. She surprised him when she grabbed his wrists and tugged his hands up to her hips. She planted them firmly on her body.

"No!" Shizuo protested in a near panic. "I can't!"

Immediately Tamina held his face and kissed him to silence him. "Shhh!" She hushed. "You're fine." She assured him. "You're not going to hurt me."

He huffed a breath as they bodies came unbearably close together. How could she promise that? How did she know? It was taking all of his focus to keep his fingertips from digging into the flesh at the junction of her hips and waist. He imagined just the disciplined pressure he was applying was already enough to bruise her delicate skin. How was he supposed to keep this up? All of his thoughts were abruptly cut off when she started to sink down on top of him. He didn't even recognize the noise that escaped his throat as an intoxicating pleasure hit him like a ton of bricks.

Tamina bit her lip as she sat down on top of him. She watched him let out the hardest groan and his grip on her hips immediately intensified. This caused a moan to escape her as well. Once mounted, she slowly rocked her hips on top of his, setting a very slow rythme. One might consider it exceedingly slow, but she knew he needed time to adjust. They'd barely started and he was already breathless beneath her.

She didn't anticipate the effect this would have on her though. It gave her such a rush. He was such a strong, powerful man. Yet he was hers at this moments. No one else's but hers. The power she held over him was so exciting. The grip on her hips clutched, nearly painfully at moments, but it did nothing but arouse her further. Her pace grew bolder and bolder, despite herself.

Having sex wasn't anything like Shizuo imagined. It was a billion times better. A trillion. More than that. Watching her move. The way her body felt. Her slightly parted lips and the look in her eyes. Every part of this exceeded his expectations a hundred fold.

The sex eventually built to a reasonable pace. All of his nerves finally faded away and he allowed himself the pleasure he knew he had always craved somewhere deep inside. His hands rocked her hips harder against his. He fought the tension that grew in him but he could feel it building in her too. She was on top of him, whimpering and panting. God, the sounds she was making. It was almost more than he could take. He could feel her need, and tried to meet it, picking up the pace as much as he could.

The tipping point happened so suddenly. He couldn't stop it even if he tried. He let out a hard groan, burying his face against her shoulder to suppress some of his volume as he reached his end. It was just as well, as she couldn't take much more either. Her body responded to his and she climaxed just as intensely, clutching his head to her, not nearly as mindful of her volume as him.

They lay there after in a heap of sweat, breathing heavily. Shizuo basked in after glow as Tamina planted lazy kisses all over his face.

"Holy shit." He huffed, when he could finally articulate words again.

Tamina buried her face against his chest with a pleased breath. "Everything you imagined?"

"Mmm." Was all he could muster, resting his eyes as he evened out is breathing.

They were content staying like that for a while. Tamina's head came to rest on his chest and she finally relaxed, listening to the sound of his heart steadying out.

A short time past. Tamina had just begun to rest her eyes when Shizuo's voice brought her back from the brink of sleep. "Hey," he started to say. "I don't want to be rude but..." he hesitated, a little embarrassed. "Can we do that again?"

Tamina had a soft fit of laughter and let another heated kiss serve as her answer.


I worked so hard for this one guys. Seriously, leave me some love.

Review/favorite/follow please! Thanks again! See you in the next chapter!