Disclaimer: ASP's creation not mine. Don't own anything! If I did, I would want to own, Scott Patterson or Luke Danes. I'm totally fine with either! ;p Also, if I did own GG, there would be no such existence of the Nardini's, and LL would be happily married at the end of S6, while making Lorelai's dream in S3 become a reality in S7.
Author's Note: If you haven't noticed, my disclaimer is always the same, but yay to another edit.
Vital Company
Chapter 8: Aftershock Awareness
After everything was said and done, Luke had collapsed in defeat onto his armchair. It had taken him a drawn out period of time to register the situation that had transpired just moments ago.
Lorelai was gone.
She poured her broken heart out to him with heavy struggle, she cried tears that had been waiting to be set free and departed to God knows where, for God knows how long.
He didn't exactly know when the next time he would see her again. She had said a week, but what if she changed her mind? He didn't fully understand the rules of this break and how long it could go on for. He knew they couldn't contact each other for a whole week, but she also said that the break would last for however long it took to fix everything that needed to be fixed between the two of them.
That was the part that scared him. What if it took more than a week? What if it took months? Surely it wouldn't take years… right? No, no way. He wouldn't allow it. He wanted to fix this. He needed to fix it. He knew they had to work on a lot of things, but in his mind the only way they could do that, was together… preferably in the same room.
The worst part of it was that Luke had allowed it all to happen. He had an internal battle about whether or not that statement was true. He argued that he did put up a fight to make her stay, he spouted words that one would claim worthy of expressing his love, but then the opposing side would stubbornly retort, Was it a good enough fight? Because if it was, wouldn't she still have been there?
The unremitting back and forth debate had seized when Luke finally came to the conclusion that in the end, Lorelai was the one in control of what was happening now – which she had rightfully taken the reins to. She had ordered for them to take a break and No was not an option being offered.
This time apart was happening whether he wanted it to or not. Her distraught face and aching words that spilled from her lips were relentless in his mind. He couldn't believe he had let it get to this. Lorelai had had enough of the agonizing torture he was putting her through and took matters into her own hands as best as she could.
He knew she wasn't herself anymore, but he hadn't had the courage to voice his observation out of fear of her realizing just that, and doing something drastic to change it. He was keeping her at arms length, but he couldn't lose her. That logic failed him though, because she had left and it was he that was to blame.
The love of his life had begged to be given time away from him. It had pained him deeply to witness the hurt and desperation that trickled from her voice. The dark hue under her eyes gave away that she hadn't been getting very much sleep and she looked as though she had lost weight – which made sense from her lack of appearance in the diner according to Ceasar – which he presumed was also his fault.
He had caused her to forego her beloved coffee and daily sustenance. His own moronic insecurities of being a good father had chased her away from not only having contact with his daughter, but with the diner and him as well. He knew all she wanted to do was help and be there for him, and yet he still held her at bay.
How could he be so blind to the anguish he was causing her to endure when it was clearly being displayed in front of his face? He of all people could read her better than she could herself. It was as if he held a super power for only her and could sense her emotions before she could even utter a word. The sad thing was, in the times when he most needed to summon that special ability, it was nowhere to be found.
Now, the one and only woman that meant everything in the world to him couldn't even be in the same room as him, let alone the same town. It was all just too much for her. She felt the need to leave her home and it all boiled down to one reason… him.
Luke hadn't realized just how long he had been sitting in his chair, staring at his blue flannel shirt – that Lorelai had claimed as hers after their first date – which lay over his lap as one of his hands held it tightly, while his thumb gently brushed over the soft material. He looked up to be greeted with the morning rays of the sun that was just beginning to peak.
Luke glanced over to the alarm clock that was perched on his nightstand and read: 5:28AM. He gripped the shirt tighter, causing his knuckles to turn white. He needed to do something. He couldn't just sit there and let her leave without knowing more. He needed to know when he would see her again. He couldn't not know.
He had to go to her before she had a chance to leave. He needed to try one more time to talk to her. He wanted to clear things up a bit more. He didn't know what to do, but he did know that he needed to get to her. Maybe he could convince her to stay, then again, maybe not. Either way, he needed to see her and he needed to see her now.
He quickly got up from his chair, now jazzed with adrenaline and breezed over to his dresser. He retrieved his keys and fled through his apartment, racing down the stairs and out of the diner in hot pursuit to get to Lorelai.
Psychological mastermind, Brian Tracy created the Law of Control. It states that people feel good about themselves to a certain degree to which causes them to feel that they are in control of their own lives.
When people are physically, mentally and emotionally controlling the changes in their lives, then these feelings naturally lead to higher levels of achievement, emotional satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment.
However, uncontrolled change can lead to stress, anxiety, frustration and misery — unfortunately all of which Lorelai had been reluctantly subjected to for the past couple of months… until now.
Lorelai did it. She couldn't believe she actually did it. She had stood her ground and told Luke exactly how she felt without shying away. It was hands down one of the most hardest things she had done in her life, – and that's compared to her pushing a human being out of herself – but she did it and she felt a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.
She scurried around her room, topping off the lasts of her necessities to her bags just before she zipped it up and paused in the doorway, briefly scanning over the room. She squeezed her eyes shut, reprimanding the warm stinging sensation that attempted to break free as she took in the image of her cold and empty bedroom.
She slowly allowed her eyes to open and prayed that this would be the last time she would have to look at her once sanctuary, in this uneasy state. She quietly shut the door and shrugged her bags onto her shoulder and into her hand as she made her way down the steps.
Just as her foot came into contact with the ground floor, Lorelai dropped her bags clumsily, flying her right hand over her clamoring heart as she was startled by the rush of frantic knocks sounding from the front door.
She looked over to the clock on the wall above the hallway desk and frowned in confusion when she read: 5:41AM. Who in their right mind would be up this early? She thought as she slowly made her way towards the front door, but just as fast as the thought had formed, she answered her own internal question, for she knew of only one person to be up promptly at the crack of dawn. Her pace grew sluggish with the thought of the unknown early morning visitor.
Lorelai sighed with a mix of sadness and nervousness as her suspicion of her visitor was confirmed when she rounded the corner and made out the blurred form of Luke standing on the opposite side of the glass paned door.
She quickly steeled herself in preparation for round two. She closed her eyes and exhaled through her mouth as she paused with her hand on the knob, before she unfastened her lids and slowly opened the door.
Her eyes immediately locked with Luke's, "Luke–" She breathed.
"We need to talk." He rushed out in a pant as he softly pushed past her into the house.
Slightly befuddled, Lorelai blinked in surprise. She closed the door and followed him into the living room. "Luke, what's–"
He cut her off as he paced in front of her, "I've been thinking. I haven't stopped thinking since you left actually, but I have and I needed to talk to you before I missed my chance and you left." He stopped and looked her in the eyes, "I don't want you to go–"
Lorelai looked down "Luke–" She sighed sadly.
"No wait." He stopped her and began pacing again, "I know you have your reasons and I get it, really, I do," He nodded, "but I think we could get more things done together. We can fix it together. Work through the things we need to work though, together." His voice began to take on an ounce of desperation as he continued, "We can't do this apart. I don't want to be apart. I know I've been the world's biggest idiot, but I can change. I want to change." He stopped in front of her and breathed, "I just couldn't let you leave without at least trying to do something about it."
Lorelai blew out a tired breath and closed her eyes as her hand came up to softly pinch the bridge of her nose. Of course Luke would pull something like this right before she was about to leave.
Lorelai inhaled and removed her hand from her nose to run it threw her hair, "I- I need coffee." She said quietly as she shook her head and turned to head into the kitchen.
Luke nodded and followed close behind. He watched as Lorelai filled the coffee pot with water, "You want me to…" He trailed off as he gestured towards the pot.
Lorelai glanced at him over her shoulder and shook her head, "Thanks. I got it." She declined politely.
Luke pressed his lips into a thin line as he nodded his head. He allowed his eyes to anxiously dart around the room, while his hands wrung, unable to keep still. Lorelai turned around and leaned up against the counter as she waited for her coffee to finish brewing. She looked towards Luke and sighed at his apprehension.
"You want something to drink?" She offered.
Luke's eyes snapped up at the sound of her voice. He stilled and cleared his throat, "Um, no. No, I'm okay."
Lorelai nodded silently and turned to pour herself a cup of coffee. She raised the mug to her lips and took a greedy sip, before she turned back around to face Luke. She sighed exhaustedly, "I thought we understood each other about this, Luke?"
Luke nodded shortly, "Yeah, I know, but–"
"Luke," She stopped him. She deposited her mug back onto the counter behind her and faced him again, "if we don't take this break, this will only happen again and again." Luke shook his head to object, "Don't shake your head, because it will."
"No. It won't happen. I won't allow it." He supplied firmly as he chopped the air with emphasis.
"But it already happened, Luke. It happened." Her voice raised a bit, causing Luke to wince, "It's happening." She whispered.
They both fell quiet as she allowed those words to sink in.
"Look, I'm glad." She sighed deeply, before continuing, "I'm glad that you want to fix us. It just shows me that my Luke, the Luke I know, is still in there somewhere, fighting. And I agree, we do need to be together to fix most of these things that brought us to this," Luke's brows raised with a little bit of hope, "but" She highlighted, "that doesn't mean I think we shouldn't take some time apart first."
Luke sighed heavily, dropping his eyes to the ground as his shoulders slumped in defeat.
"I'm not trying to make this any harder than it has to be, but you were right." Lorelai continued softly, causing Luke to look back to her curiously, "You need time." His face contorted with regret as his lips parted, "We both do." She paused, allowing Luke to absorb her words, "I may have not been clear about this before, but I didn't think I needed to be. I thought you would automatically know exactly what we were to do during this break, but that was wrong of me." She shook her head as her brows creased slightly with her words, "I should've known better than to assume, hell, that's what got us here in the first place." She ran a hand through her hair and flipped it over her shoulder and resumed looking at him.
Luke continued to stay quiet as he watched Lorelai prepare for another set.
"When I said; we should take a break, I don't think I elaborated on the specifics as much as I should have." She began again, "As I said, I want there to be no contact for minimum of at least a week. We need time to separately work through things on our own. We both need that time to situate ourselves as well as think without the pressure of the other." She took a breathe, "I want each of us to think really hard about whether or not we still wanna be in this relationship, because I've made a huge effort in doing it your way and none of it worked. So, this time, I wanna try things my way."
Luke nodded, "Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."
Lorelai's brows furrowed as her head reared back and as a bit of anger arose in her voice, "No." She shook her head, "That's not how it works, Luke. I can tell you what I'm feeling and what I want, but I can't tell you what to do. I'm your–" She looked to the ground briefly as she said, "fiancée" then she looked back at him, "not your mother."
As soon as those last words slipped out, she immediately regretted them, especially after seeing Luke flinch and inhale a sharp breath.
Lorelai's stern expression instantly turned into remorse, "Luke, I'm–" She shook her head, inwardly reprimanding herself, "I'm so sorry. That was totally uncalled for. I didn't think. I'm- I'm sorry." She apologized.
Luke's eyes stayed towards the floor as he tried to wave it off, knowing she didn't intentionally mean to hurt him, "It's okay." He answered softly.
Lorelai shook her head, "No, it's not. It was completely insensitive and thoughtless on my part, and I am so sorry. I didn't mean it to sound like I was insulting your mother." She spoke just as soft.
Luke nodded and swallowed thickly, "I know." He looked back up to her, meeting her sorrowful eyes, "I know." He repeated.
Lorelai allowed them to both have a moment of silence as she regained her thoughts, before she carried on, "This is hands down one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but if things got worse and I had to let you go… it would kill me." She sighed, "I can't- I can't keep waiting for something that might never happen, Luke. I want you. I want a life with you. I want a family with you, but what I want doesn't mean anything if you don't want for the same things."
"I do." He answered without hesitation.
"You keep saying that," She nodded, "but how am I suppose to believe it, when you won't even allow me to properly meet your daughter, let alone be in the same room as her? The only time you were willing to permit me any access, was when you were at your wits end and was clueless on what to do with April's birthday situation. I mean, I'm more than happy to help, but not only as a beck-and-call girl for when you're desperate and at your lowest. I wanna be there. I want it all, the highs, the lows, the in-betweens, everything. That's how a relationship works."
Luke blinked fast and pressed his lips, as he knew what she was saying was right.
"I honestly, don't understand why you feel the need to keep us separated, but if you can't find a way to mend together the two worlds that you've disjointedly built, then I can't get behind that." She said shaking her head, "I don't want just half of you, Luke, I told you that already. I want you. All of you. And I know that that includes April, because she's a part of you, and I have absolutely no problem with that. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact of why you do." She shrugged.
Luke knew he needed to say something, but he just didn't know what to say. She was right. About everything.
Lorelai visibly swallowed, "That's just some reasons of why I think this break for us will help to put things in perspective. Not just for you, for me as well. You said you needed time, right?" She asked looking directly into his eyes.
Luke clenched his teeth, causing the muscles in his jaw to jump. He knew he shouldn't, but he nodded, because it was the truth.
Lorelai nodded back, "You got it."
Luke's nose flared as he exhaled a short breath, "Lorelai… I didn't want-" He shook his head slowly, "not like this." His voice strained with obvious struggle.
Lorelai needed to make him understand her reasoning, so she nodded silently and offered, "Can you honestly say that you could connect that bridge right now, if I asked you to?"
Luke swallowed thickly as he stood rooted to the floor, unable to give her an answer.
Lorelai looked off to the side and bit her lip, before returning her gaze to his, "That's what I thought." She sighed, "I don't think you realize that I'm drowning here, Luke. I'm drowning, and the more we continue on with this ridiculous charade, the further I sink. All I'm asking for is a line, not a boat, not even a raft, just a line, but you're not throwing it. And the longer I wait, the heavier I get, and the heavier I get, the deeper I sink. And all that sea of salt water that I'm drowning in, is probably my tears." She pointed up towards the ceiling, "I can only imagine how much my pillow hates me, because every time I actually do allow myself to fall asleep, I wake up to it completely drenched."
Luke's face displayed a mix of shame and remorse as he took in her words.
Lorelai didn't want to make matters worse, but she felt she needed to tell Luke everything before she left. "I have dreams." She started.
"Dreams?" He questioned softly.
"My dreams sometimes skip forward. I can't really say it projects my future, because I don't know what the future entails, so I chalk it up to being my greatest desires. It's never the same, but it contains the same people throughout them all." She explained, "Do you remember that dream I told you about a few years back when I stayed at your place, the night the Independence Inn caught fire?" She asked, keeping her voice soft.
Luke nodded as he vividly recalled her dream that brought an uncontrollable smile to his lips when she revealed it to him, "Yeah. Yeah, I remember."
Lorelai bit her bottom lip, "Well, it's exactly like that, only it's the after events of the pregnancy. You, me, the family that we built… and I wouldn't dare call them nightmares, in spite of me crying when I wake up, but I can't help but feel like they're mocking me. Just- presenting themselves to me, because they know that even though that's what I truly want, I'm nowhere near achieving it."
Luke wanted to ask what her dreams showed her, because if it was anything like the one he remembered her telling him all those years ago, then he wanted to know, but before he could get a word in, Lorelai picked up again.
She was on a role as she gestured her arms out to the house, "The house, this house, we renovated it to be ours, and yet I can't remember the last time you spent a night here. You don't even call it ours, you always refer to it as mine." Lorelai scrunched her eyes in distaste, "I hate that." She exhaled loudly and continued, "I'm not saying that all of this is your fault, because it's not. It takes two. I know I need to work on things as well. I can't keep things bottled up, just because I'm scared of the outcome."
Luke nodded in agreement, "Our communication with each other somehow disintegrated after we got together."
Lorelai nodded sadly, "Yeah it did. I'm sorry about that, because that's on me too. We both know that you're an actions guy and I'm a words girl. I know you don't like to voice too much, but... Sometimes, just sometimes, I need the words."
Lorelai turned to retrieve her now cold cup of coffee and drained its remaining contents within it and moved over to wash it in the sink. She wiped it dry with the washcloth and replaced it in the cupboard above the counter next to Luke.
Luke quietly turned his body just slightly to face her, and reached a hand up to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. Lorelai stilled for a moment at the gesture, before closing the cupboard. Luke allowed his hand to slowly graze her cheek and down her arm, causing chicken skin to form where the backs of his fingers brushed.
"Luke…" She breathed softly, her eyes shut as she reached a hand to grasp his. She turned to look him in his eyes where saddened sapphire met regretful cobalt.
Luke slowly snaked his free hand around Lorelai's waist and pressed her tightly to him as he inched his face closer to hers. Lorelai's eyes dropped as she felt his warm breath on her lips. Their breaths were shallow as it mixed as one. The heat radiated tremendously between them.
Luke leaned forward and softly brushed his lips over Lorelai's. She allowed her walls to fall as she captured his bottom lip between hers and gently suckled on it. Luke slowly consented his tongue to stray out and glide across Lorelai's upper lip, causing her to let out a soft moan as her hand dropped his in order to hold onto the collar of his flannel, while the other lay gently on his chest.
Luke took his queue and ran his fingers of both hands in her hair to cradle her to him. Their kisses grew more powerful with every passing second as they poured every emotion within them into their kiss. Luke ground his hips into Lorelai, triggering a deep moan to escape her lips.
Their passion oozed thickly between the two as their hands held tightly to the other, afraid that they would slip away if they loosened their grip. Lorelai's hips rotated into Luke's gaining a guttural groan from him, which caused Lorelai's brain to function again as she gently pushed Luke back and extracted her lips from his. They separated, giving each other a foot of space as they panted heavily with their eyes locked on the other.
"I'm sorry." Luke panted, "I just–" He trailed off slightly out of breath.
Lorelai nodded her head, "No, me too." She gasped as she kept her eyes on his unblinkingly.
Lorelai broke their gaze as she looked behind Luke to the green lights on the microwave that displayed the time, which read: 7:02AM. She looked back to Luke, only for his eyes to once again lock with hers.
"I um-" She cleared her throat, "I have to go." The look of panic that flashed in Luke's eyes didn't go unnoticed by Lorelai. She shook her head trying to calm him, "One week." She promised.
Luke swallowed thickly as he reluctantly nodded, "One week."
Lorelai hooked a thumb towards the living room, "I'm just gonna…" She trailed off as she made her way into the living room.
Luke's heart raced as the clock ticked down and there was nothing he could do about it. He followed her into the living room only to see Lorelai picking up a duffle bag as she swung her purse over her shoulder. Luke dashed over to grab the duffle bag and lifted the handle to the suitcase that sat beside it.
Lorelai turned to look at him as he eased the duffle bag from her hand, "Thanks." She whispered gaining a small nod from Luke.
Lorelai made sure all the lights were off as she trailed behind Luke to the front porch where he waited. Just as she was about to close the door, she remembered something… or someone.
"Oops!" She gasped, "Almost forgot." She said as she rushed back in.
Luke waited curiously at the bottom of the steps to see what she forgot, only to get his answer a moment later as Lorelai came into view carrying Paul Anka down the stairs.
Luke shook his head and grunted, "Mutt."
Lorelai smirked as she glanced back at Luke, "Jealous?" She teased as she continued to heft Paul Anka to her jeep.
"Yes." Luke answered seriously.
Lorelai laughed softly, "Don't be." She replied as she deposited Paul Anka into the car, while Luke stowed away her luggage in the back.
She turned to face Luke with a small smile, "Too late." He replied as he gazed into her eyes, causing the smile to fade.
They stayed silent for a moment before Lorelai spoke up, "I'm…" She let hang as she motioned to the car.
Luke flexed his jaw as he sighed heavily, allowing his lack of enthusiasm to show clearly, while he reluctantly nodded.
Lorelai nodded back and leaned forward to give Luke a kiss goodbye, but Luke had other plans as he placed both hands on either side of her face and locked their lips together in a slow invigorating kiss.
He allowed their lips to stay connected for a moment longer before he pulled back to lean his forehead against hers, "Lorelai," He whispered breathlessly, "You gotta know that I love you…" His voice thick with emotion as he compelled his tears to withhold from escaping, "so much." He added lowly.
Lorelai cradled his cheek in her palm, "Aw Luke," She breathed, "you have no idea." She whispered softly, her breath mixing with his.
She pressed her lips to his once more, before releasing him and turning to open the door to her jeep, only for it to be locked and Paul Anka sitting in the driver's seat staring back at his two owners.
Lorelai's brows furrowed, "Dude, seriously? How in the heck do you do that?" She asked in bewilderment
Luke shook his head, "Crazy mutt."
Lorelai unlocked the door and shooed Paul Anka to the passenger side of the car as she slid in and closed the door. She unzipped her window as Luke leaned in.
"One week?" He asked uncertainly.
"One week." She confirmed, taking hold of his hand that rested on the door.
He sighed again, "If you need anything–"
Lorelai gave him a small grin, "I know and I will. I'll be okay, Luke. I promise." He grunted, obviously still not liking this one bit, "I'll talk to you soon." She promised.
"Not soon enough." He grumbled.
She smiled, "Bye, babe." She said as she started the car and put it in reverse.
Luke stepped back, "Bye." He replied softly as he watched her back out of her driveway and down the road, until her brake lights couldn't be seen anymore.
He blinked hard as he blew out an exhausted breath. He turned and made his way back to the porch and dropped to the top step heavily. He ran his hands over his face before clasping them together tightly, hoping to God, that the next seven days would go by as fast as they could.
Authors Note: Okay, this is moving along. Hopefully I have the new chapter up by next week. Anyway, thanks again to all the love, follows, favorites and reviews. I love hearing from you all. For all the newbies, here's to the next chapter, and for all you that have stuck with me since day one, two more then the real new chapter will finally be up. Yay! -KISF
